Same old registering problem

[Larissa]

I am having a reception for my friends and family in the states, but am actually getting married in London. I will be moving to London as well. One of my non-bridesmaids is here and the subject came up of showers and parties. I'm thrilled that they want to do something, but I can't get my head around the registering thing.

Moving to London = 2 bags and my cat on British Airlines (that's their limit. I will also have my wedding dress with me since I'll be getting married over there). Kristen will probably have one of his two bags available for me to take stuff over there as well.

So K (the non-bridesmaid) wants to know where we are registering. Lots of people have asked. My family simply doesn't feel comfortable giving money.

We can't register for our honeymoon (for some reason they don't allow you to register for subway tickets and easyjet flights).
We have no space to take over stuff from a US registry (2-3 bags, remember).
If we ship it we have to pay import tax on it (about 20% of what it's insured for plus the cost of shipping it 5,000 miles).
If someone else ships gifts insured we still have to pay import taxes.
Registries in the UK aren't common and they only allow you to register 3 months out (funny, I won't be in the UK at that time-we might register then, but that doesn't help much for any showers).
If I register in the US I'm back to shipping and import tax issues.

I suggested to K that maybe we just have a cocktail or dinner party with no gifts. Just friends getting together. But she said that she was really hoping for a traditional shower - women from my family, friends, females only, wearing cute outfits around mid-day, sitting around me while I open gifts.

If I've learned anything while on here and the WC it's that the bride shouldn't try to change the BM's mind on a party that the BM is hosting for the bride.

Are there ANY other options for registering??? Am I just making this hard?

[eli1126]

I don't think you're being difficult at all in this circumstance! I think that it's a lot different when you are talking about a BTB that just doesn't want this or that because it's a personal thing rather than an actual pratical reason(s). I would be honest with her about the shipping fees and baggage restrictions and say to her that while you understand that she wants to have a tradtional shower because of these things it would make life much easier on everyone to do a cocktail party or luncheon without gifts....or if you have a store that does online business in London they could do gift certificates. Good Luck!

Beth

[Atlanta_eBride]

You may not like this idea at all, but IF you don't care about getting a bunch of gifts, why not donate your items to a woman's shelter? That way you can expeirence the shower and have your guests feel like they gave you something. I'd first let people know the situation so that money or gift certificates might be an option but it might be a way to get around it all. I'm not sure how I'd feel if I received gifts that I knew I wouldn't be keeping but it's just a thought. Additionally, if you got a couple of things that you really wanted to keep you might be willing to ship a box with you.

[PG-rated]

Oh, I don't know how guests would feel about having all their gifts given away to charity, or else you'd have to lie to them about it. "How does that blender we gave you work?" "Um, just wonderfully. We love it."

Can they do a (non-breakable) Christmas ornament shower, or a lingerie shower, or something like that? Something that you could conceivably pack up and take with you, or have shipped to you in a small package later? Or maybe a wishbook shower - people write notes and wishes and poems for you, and you read them at the shower? Or a photo album shower, or recipe shower (same basic idea as the wishbook shower)? I'm just brainstorming here, but I'm sure there are things they and you can come up with that can be the "centerpiece" of the event without giving you a huge headache at customs.

[Larissa]

Eli- Thanks for reassuring me that I'm not an ungrateful person for all this!!

Atlanta- I work in social services. My roomie works at a Domestic Violence shelter in town, I used to work at the one the next town over, we both used to work for the rape crisis center, etc. They would know if I donated gifts!! I'll totally ship *a box or two*, but I don't want that to be common knowledge because then everyone starts giving material gifts thinking that I'll take *all* of them over (and we're back to import taxes).

PG-I love the idea of a recipe shower. I'm bound determined to take my recipe books with me even if the measures aren't the same! Kristen had even bought me special stainless steel measuring cups and spoons in American measures so I can still cook with my books :) You have some great ideas!! If K brings it up again I'll let her know.

-------------

K and I discussed gift certificates, but they don't translate. American dollar gift certicates aren't excepted in a store that only uses British Pounds Sterling.

[Sabrina]

What about registering at a store that will give you cash back for returns, like Bed, Bath and Beyond?

I know you still might feel guilty about returning the gifts, but that way people who want to can buy you gifts for the shower, and then you can return them and use the cash on similar items when you get to the UK. Just another idea!

[mollyeilis]

What about amazon.co.uk? They don't have a wedding list (aka registry) but they do have a wish list function. You could have things shipped to your UK address (will someone be there?) and just have a "can you imagine it?" party while you're still here. :D

Another reason to be careful with people giving gifts in the States is that if they plug into anything, of course they won't really work. And if you make them work, they'll be out of warranty should anything happen. (gosh no I didn't work for amazon.com explaining to out-of-country people why we didn't ship electronics out of the country...LOL)

I'd encourage co.uk gift certificates, making sure they don't go to .com. Well, except then if you like Harry Potter you could buy the next book in the American version (like I buy the British version from co.uk and have it shipped to the States). :D


If I were in your position, I would just explain everything you explained here. Anyone who hears that should understand that a bunch of heavy gifts will ultimately cost you money and cause you difficulties.

[ShelbyMay]

What about registering at a store that will give you cash back for returns, like Bed, Bath and Beyond?

I know you still might feel guilty about returning the gifts, but that way people who want to can buy you gifts for the shower, and then you can return them and use the cash on similar items when you get to the UK. Just another idea!

This is exactly what I was going to suggest. No one needs to know but you and DH.

[Mrs. M.]

This is a big UK department store that friends of mine registered at. It has online registry:

https://www.johnlewisgiftlist.com

I don't think they had a time limit on it.

[Larissa]

Mrs. M-they will only let you register 10 week out from your date. We checked them out in July when I was there.

[Mrs. M.]

Dang. That's weird!

Sorry, I had no idea :rolleyes:

[eponymous]

Mrs. M-they will only let you register 10 week out from your date. We checked them out in July when I was there.

Can you "mislist" your wedding date, maybe telling them that your "wedding date" is actually your shower date, then change your date to your real wedding date after the shower? We changed our wedding date three months before our actual wedding and it wasn't a problem to change the date, but we didn't have a restriction on when we could register. Yes, it's somewhat dishonest, but the company is going to make a lot of money off your "lie," which is their purpose, so it doesn't strike me as a terrible thing to do.

[amew]

Do you have family or friends in the states who you could store some gifts with for a while? Many of my friends registered for things like china, crystal, and silverware (the kind of stuff you don't necessarily need right away but might be happy to have sometime down the line) and then stored it with their parents for a while rather than having to find room for it in tiny urban apartments. Heck, we left about half our wedding gifts at my parents for the first two years we were married due to our own space constraints and a post-wedding cross country move. I know that dumping stuff with family isn't always an option, but in my experience it isn't at all uncommon for couples to be separated from their gifts for some time.

[tlew12778]

Are you sure about that import tax stuff? BC Italy allows you to import your "household items" without charging you duty. There are some special forms you have to fill out.

I found this about the UK:
4.2 How do I declare personal effects?

For eligible goods under 4,000 euros in value (except pets and firearms):

* if you accompany the goods you can go through the Green "nothing to declare" Channel as explained in paragraph 3.1
* if your goods arrive before or after you and will be declared on your behalf, for example by a fast parcel operator, freight forwarder or other agent, you must ensure you have advised them you are claiming TI relief. To clear their inventory they may need to use Form C21. If this is necessary, Form C21 should quote customs procedure code (CPC) 00 00 40. This identifies that goods are eligible for TI relief and, if under 4,000 euros in value (except pets and firearms), that they can be released without any further customs documents.

Note: if the above is not followed and your goods are declared to free circulation, duty and tax will be collected as appropriate.

To claim relief then, you will need to make a retrospective application for Simplified TI authorisation and provide a written declaration on Form C88 (SAD). If we approve the application, we will hold duty and tax on deposit as security. You will need to make an export declaration on Form C88 (SAD) when the goods leave in order for the security to be refunded.

For pets, or other eligible goods over 4,000 euros in value, a Simplified TI authorisation is required. To apply you will need to:

* make a declaration on Form C88 (SAD) quoting customs procedure code (CPC) 53 00 11 or, where VAT only is due, CPC 53 00 41;
* provide security - this will be refunded when the goods leave the EC and you make a re-export declaration on Form C88 (SAD) quoting CPC 31 53 00.
From here (http://customs.hmrc.gov.uk/channelsPortalWebApp/channelsPortalWebApp.portal?_nfpb=true&_pageLabel=pageTravel_ShowContent&id=HMCE_CL_000282&propertyType=document#P118_12416).

Also this from the same page:
7. Marriage relief on transfer of residence to the EC

For newly-weds or those shortly to marry who are coming to live in the EC.
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7.1 How do I qualify for this relief?

You can bring in the wedding outfits of the bride and groom and your other household effects free of duty and tax, if you:

* have had your normal home outside the EC for a continuous period of at least 12 months;
* are moving your normal home to the EC on marriage;
* declare them to us as explained in paragraph 3.2 along with proof of the marriage; and
* do not sell, lend, hire or otherwise dispose of them in the EC within 12 months of importation, unless you notify us first and pay duty and VAT on disposal. Our National Advice Service can tell you how to do this.

We will normally waive the first condition if you could not meet it due to circumstances beyond your control. Explain the position to our officer when you declare your belongings.

It does not matter:

* how long you have had the goods for the purpose of this relief;
* if the actual wedding takes place in or outside the EC; or
* if you are the only one moving your normal home to the EC because your spouse already lives there.

7.3 Can wedding gifts get duty and tax relief too?

Yes, they can come in free of duty and tax so long as you meet the conditions in paragraph 7.1 and the gifts are:

* intended for you;
* of a kind normally given on marriage;
* given by persons who normally live outside the EC; and
* declared to us (see paragraph 3.2) along with proof of the marriage.

This relief does not apply to alcoholic drinks and tobacco products however.

In addition, wedding gifts which are sent or brought to you are only allowed the relief if each gift is worth no more than:

* £800.

There is no monetary limit for wedding gifts if you bring them with you as part of your personal belongings.
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7.4 Can goods arrive before the wedding?

Yes, so long as they arrive no sooner than 2 months before the wedding. We will waive this condition if their earlier arrival is due to circumstances beyond your control. You will have to give us security for the duty and tax. We will allow relief and discharge the security when you provide proof of your marriage.
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7.5 Can goods arrive after the wedding?

Yes, so long as they arrive no later than 4 months after the wedding, they can be brought in free of duty and tax. We will waive this condition if their delayed arrival is due to circumstances beyond your control. You must provide proof of your marriage and satisfy our officer that you are setting up your normal home in the EC.
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7.6 What proof of marriage do I need?

Show us a copy of your marriage certificate or similar proof.

[Larissa]

Tiffany-Wow!! I didn't think to check to see if I got special permission based on marriage. I'll have to look into that more. Thank you so much!! K will be able to have her thing now :)