Not invited to the wedding...??

[it's a bug]

I’m getting ready to throw a wedding shower for my friend next month and she is worried about inviting people to the shower who are not going to be invited to the wedding. They are all people we work with and only about 4 of the 15 are not invited to the wedding. Is this still a big deal or are the etiquette rules on that a little more relaxed these days? :confused:

[IrisHope]

You absolutely cannot invite someone to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding.

[udsweetpea]

Can you have a seperate work bridal shower just for co-workers?

[taraw]

You absolutely cannot invite someone to a shower if they are not invited to the wedding.
I agree with this. If I were invited to a shower but not the wedding I would feel like I was being told "You are good enough to come to the shower and bring me a gift, but I don't want to celebrate with you on my special day"

[MandyMaloo]

I'm not sure what ettiquette actually dictates, but I WOULD NOT invite people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding. Showers are to "shower" the bride with gifts, and if they are not invited to the wedding, the should not be obligagted to come to a gifting ceremony. Anyway, they're going to figure out they're not invited, and there would be very hurt feelings. I would stay away from that--and maybe have a nice lunch with these people at another time. Good luck!

[PG-rated]

If some of her work friends are invited to the wedding and some aren't, it's even WORSE if you invite them all to the shower. Then there's absolutely no mistaking that some are not being invited to the wedding. If you want to include these other people, have a separate work shower. It's generally understood that office showers are for everyone in the office regardless of whether they're invited to the wedding, and people usually chip in for a joint gift, so each person can contribute whatever he or she feels comfortable with.

[BTB]

Agreed with the above - only people who will be invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower.

[it's a bug]

Thanks for all the replies! This is really helpful because I'm so bad at these things...I try to rationalize it all and decide that it's okay because the gals would understand...I'm waiting for my friend to call me back so we can decide what to do about the non wedding invitees. And for what it's worth, the job is a part time job for her and she isn't inviting everyone to the wedding because it's a huge organization and she has limited space at her wedding site. Thanks everyone!

[jbgosh]

Ahhh.....one of the MANY headaches of wedding planning!!