Kids say the darndest things....

[IrisHope]

There was a thread called this in the other site and it was just so funny. What are the funniest, most embarrasing or just wild thing your child (or someone elses) ever said??

[Renrel]

Not the best ones but here are a few of our favorite Gabisms -

Belly butt - belly button
Macamony - macaroni
**** a dodo - cockadoodledo

I am sure he had said a few hystarical sentences but I can't think of any at the moment.

[mama915]

One day I was doing an alphabet puzzle with my DS who's 3 and I would pick up a letter and say "A is for apple" or "C is for Chase". Well he picks up the letter P and says "P is in the bathroom!" ;) Pretty good for a little one who refuses to use the potty!

[IrisHope]

mama Lolol

[lml41981]

Mine has some backstory to it.

SIL and her DH had brought the kids over to the ILs house for a get-together. They played in the kiddie pool for awhile and then had to come in and get a bath. SIL dug through the diaper bag looking for a second pair of underwear for our then-3 year old nephew. She said she didn't have a second pair and he'd have to wait while she hand-washed the underwear and dried them in the dryer. He started screaming and crying and all of a sudden, from the living room, we hear, "I don't want to go commando!"

Apparently a year or so prior, his other grandmother was babysitting him and commented that since he had had an accident in his only clean pair of underpants, he'd have to go commando. I have no idea how he remembered that, but he did...there are lots of things that kid remembers from very, very early on.

[AusAshMommy]

LML ~ Too funny!!!

Last weekend my roomie & I had my DS calling himself a 'dork' and 'tardo' not seriously but he heard us saying it to one another and he in turn called himself on...'I dork' then 'I tardo' I know not funny funny...but it was at the time...

He and I also were playing last weekend and he didn't like something I did so he looked at me and went "That Bullsh*t" I don't know where he picked that up...caught me off guard entirely.

[cshaysharp]

I can't remember the context of the conversation, but my 4 year old neice told my dad "Girls are much more competent than boys" to which my dad replied, " yes, honey you are right about that." ;)

[Renrel]

A friend was explaining to his daughter that they were going to start potty training. He explained how she was not going to wear diapers anymore. Instead she would wear pull up or panties and try to pee and poo in her new potty. She looked at him and in a very serious voice said "Not a good idea." So much or child led training.

[jewamese]

I've got to preface that my parents have been calling each other 'Mommy & Daddy' since we were little.

My 3 y.o. niece likes to announce everything...like "My name is Lauren!"..."THIS is my sister, Ava." The other day I was over, and she after telling me that she's Lauren, she procedes to tell me "That's my dad. His name is Khai!" So, I say back to her "That's right. He is your dad. And, he is my brother!" She stood there and really tried to take that in. So, my brother says to her. "That's right, Lauren, Auntie Cindie is my sister."

The next day, we all had lunch at my parents' house. My mom turned to my dad and asked "Daddy, can you go get the steaks?" Lauren sat there and tried to make sense of it. After a few minutes, she asked "Grandma, is grandpa your DADDY????" My mom almost spit her drink out. :p

[linda_loo]

dh has a habit of cheering for any... um... gas emissions from the girls. So, they now think that such sounds need to be recognized and praised. :rolleyes:

We were out to lunch one day, and I moved a tray. It made a loud sound when it skidded across the table top, and my oldest (3) exclaimed "nice toot Mommy!"

<<<I can see people staring at me, snickering.>>>

"Ana!!! I didn't toot, that was the tray. I didn't toot!!!"

[IrisHope]

bump!!

[bethnjim]

I was sitting in church with my 4yr old niece...and it was at the point where communion was being served so the church was super quiet. She was sitting on my lap and leaned her head back. I leaned down and kissed her on her forehead and when I leaned my head back up she said in a very loud voice, "Aunt Beth, you have the biggest boogie in your nose". I said, "okay" and she said even louder, "it's so big". I almost died of embarrassment. All of the pews around us were chuckling.

[lorbo]

Brooke has been in the bad habit of waking at night and having to pee then have a drink, etc. months ago, it was just peeing and that was fine. she was also sleeping in her crib in her brother's soon to be room when we were done with the cradle-this room is really blacked out when the shade is pulled-very conducive to a good sleep environment-now only if my kids understood that. so, a few months ago, she woke up at 4am and i took her to the potty and she was peeing, very seriously, she says "mommy, my room sure is dark" all i could say was, well it is 4am and it's supposed to be dark-i guess she was hoping for a light, but nope.

[lorbo]

forgot to add...somehow she's heard about alcohol-don't know who, what, where, etc. with regards to that...i was driving home from my parents, singing to myself, James was sleeping, and Brooke was apparently contemplating...all of a sudden she tells me...mommy, people drink alcohol. stunned, i said yes, yes they do, she then told me alcohol was yucky...thinking quickly, i added so are drugs-so i've started the drug and alcohol communication early!:rolleyes:

[kugrrly]

Being a teacher I hear a lot things. I was not in the room for this one but it is something!

My co worker who is third grade teacher received some flowers at school from her boyfriend. Since kids are nosey they all asked who she got them from. She told her class that her boyfriend sent them, and a boy in the class exclaimed, "ARE YOU SLEEPING WITH HIM?"

[Txfish]

My dd is 4 -- often repeats lengthy or "grown up" comments she's overheard, but she does pick phrases to use more often. For awhile, things were "delicious". And then...

We had heated up some leftovers for dinner, and she's not a fan of leftovers. Right as I sat her down to eat, dh turned on the TV to set the DVR, and flicked past a show with a couple kissing on the bed... Caro had taken one bite of dinner, looked up at the show, and said "That's Disgusting!"

We just sat there and cackled.

[Sarah]

Whenever DH and I kiss (a peck) DD (3) will say, "Do those lopping kisses!" and then mimic a really sloppy french kiss. Ew.

Once, after she got up from nap and found me towelling off after a shower, she accusatorily said, "Mom! Were you are dada in the shower together?" I don't know where she gets this stuff.

[ellybelle]

My daughter calls her "elbow" her "Elmo!"

[postkalidurga]

This is actually my niece and my aunt. Whenever she and her husband were having dinner and would have a glass of wine with dinner they would give my niece a little glass of pop as a special treat for her. One day, my aunt when to the liquor store to get some wine and my niece decided she wanted some (thinking of course it was pop). While they were standing in line, her Mom kept saying she couldn't have it and finally my niece who was probably three at the time wailed at the top of her voice 'I want my wine!'. My aunt was mortified.

[Delta]

he in turn called himself on...'I dork' then 'I tardo' I know not funny funny...but it was at the time...Yeah, we do have to be careful what we say don't we. :( :( :(

[AusAshMommy]

Delta ~ yeah well in the context of the moment it was cute...

But yeah we really do!

[Winter Biscuit]

My FIL died of cancer in August. Our DD (22 months) is obviously too young to grasp the concept of death, but we tell her that Grandpa is in heaven with Jesus. A few weeks ago, my MIL came to visit for the first time since FIL died. We told DD several days in advance that Grandma was coming. She got really excited and said, "Grandma and Grandpa coming!" We had to correct her and say, "No, Grandpa died. He's in heaven with Jesus. Only Grandma is coming, not Grandpa." This scenario repeated several times - every time we told her that her Grandma was coming, she'd mention Grandma and Grandpa.

The day that MIL was coming finally arrived and, I woke DD up and reminded her that Grandma was coming over that day. Her face lit up and she said, "Grandma coming!" i said yes, Grandma is coming and was excited, thinking that maybe she finally understood that Grandpa wasn't coming.

We went downstairs to have breakfast with DH and I said, "Tell Daddy who is coming over today!"

DD replied, "Grandma, Grandpa, and Jesus!" :) :D

[summerbaby]

Winter Biscuit,

OMG that's SO cute! :D

[albuquerque]

My mother was a kindergarten teacher, she retired last year. One year she had a kid who had some developmental disabilities--he wasn't very verbal about his own thoughts, but his syndrome left him with this weird ability to repeat back complete phrases he had heard like a little record player. He also apparently came from a pretty troubled home. It's actually a very sad commentary on this kid's life, but in the moment, it was shockingly funny--in the middle of a story or whatever, this kid would shout out in what can only be assumed to be his dad's voice, "I've had just about enough of this bullsht and I'm gettin the h3ll outta here!"

[AusAshMommy]

Just lastnight Austin came over to me while I was working on my schoolwork and said "Mommy, you so smart" and grinned at me!

[Ohana]

DD (23 months) was watching Elmo's World the other day. Elmo fell down, and DD asked "Ehmo, you OK?"

She also has a baby doll that cries when you squeeze her foot. She likes to make me squeeze her foot. When the baby cries, DD hurriedly picks her up and keeps telling her "It OK"

[tashaw6]

My niece is 17 months old and her favorite thing to do in the morning is give the dog its vitamin tablet and its bowl to feed him (after my sister has put the food in). Anyway, the dog was very old so my sister had to put it down...obviously my niece has no concept of what has happened and thinks the dog MUST be somewhere so she runs around with the tablet each morning calling the dog to come get it! Too funny!

My mother met my step dad when my younger brother was still very young. Having never had kids of his own my step dad did tons of things with his new 'son'. Anyway, one day he took my mom and my brother on a ferry that goes around the harbour. the deck was full and in a loud defining voice my brother pronounces...MOM I NEED TO GO KAK (where do they get these things!!)!! Everyone close to my mom and step dad just burst out laughing...my step dad was so embarassed and had no idea what to do...

Again when my brother was young my mom and step dad went some where. They parked the car in a no parking zone and my mom said to my step dad, who stayed in the car, that he should just check out for the cops and drive out of the no parking zone so they didn't get a fine (she was just going to be quick...). Anyway, my brother obviously spotted someone that he thought looked like the cops cause all of a sudden in a shrill voice he declared...Dad, dad, the TOPS...the TOPS!

[Angelfish]

As part of a school assignment, some classmates of mine did a nutrition presentation for a local preschool. As they gave their presentation, and the kids were very well-behaved and attentive. At the end of the presentation, they asked if there were any questions and one boy raised his hand. They called on him, eager to see what the boy had gleaned from their presentation and what questions they had inspired. Instead of asking a question, though, the boy just pointed at his head and said, "This is my hair." At that point, they decided that perhaps the presentation had been a little bit over their audiences heads!

[Mrs. M.]

This morning, I was still in bed. DD saw my shoes on the floor and said:

Mommy, naked feet!
Then she pointed to my arms: Naked arms!
Pointing at my face: Forehead! Eyebrows! Eyes!
Mommy nose!
Then she began laughing and laughing really hard and pointing at her face: L. has a nose!

[maplekitty]

when my twin nephews were 4 i took them to McDonald's for a treat for breakfast. Not really expecting an answer i said in the car "sooo...what does everyone want for breakfast?" A said: I think I'd like their eggs and sausage, it's better than the IHOP ones. And then K says: No, I'd prefer the pancakes. lol, where did they pick up the word "prefer" anyways?!?! It was so cute to see them have their own little opinions, and made me realize they grow up so fast.

[claribella]

I was at the Nordstrom's Bathroom. I was waiting for the Handicap stall since that is the only stall that the stroller can fit in.

Anyway, as my 18 month old son and I were standing there, a lady in one of the stalls seemed to be having..well, bowel problems.

Ah heck, she was farting up a storm!

So when my son heard it he started making farting sounds really loud, imitating her!!!

There was a lady washing her hands and she started giggling. I was just about to bust up but I really didn't want to embarrass the lady making the noises.

It was an interesting moment but I can laugh about it now. HAH!

[ManteoChik]

My BF's sister is a preschool teacher. One day she was at school and it was time to do their workbooks. There was one little boy who hadn't started his yet. She walked over to him and said,
"John it's time to do our workbooks now, where is yours?" and he said "I don't know."

She saw it beind him and picked it up, handed it to him and again said, "John, come on it's time to do our work books."

He took the work book from her and threw it on the ground and said, "I don't want to do my f*cking workbook!"

She had to step out of the room and laugh to herself before she went back in and punished him. She said it was just really funny to see a 4 year old say that, but after she laughed from the initial shock she was pretty pissed since there were other kids around.

[Angelfish]

Once I was babysitting two little girls and they were playing with a family of toy horses. The mother horse called out to the baby horse, "It's time to come drink your milk," to which the baby horse replied, "I like daddy's milk better."

[mkredhead]

My stepdaughter is eight, and although her father and I are divorced we have maintained a great relationship. Her mother and I are great friends as well. Over the years, she has said some pretty hysterical things. For example:

"Maureen, you are being rediculous. That means silly, if you didn't know."

(at a restaurant with Sydni, her mom and I)
"Waiter, did you know that these are my two moms? Sometimes Maureen spends the night with us too." (The waiter then assumed from then on that we would be smooching in the booth, if you know what I mean.)

"Maureen, excuse me, but I have to end this call. Our food is being delivered." (Are you kidding me? I'm 30 and I'm not that polite!)

There are millions more, especially as her vocab continues to develop. She is a little dictionary these days.

[ktdelsur]

Anyway, as my 18 month old son and I were standing there, a lady in one of the stalls seemed to be having..well, bowel problems.

Ah heck, she was farting up a storm!

So when my son heard it he started making farting sounds really loud, imitating her!!!

Ohhh thank you for giving me a good belly laugh this morning. I would probably have to roll my son out of the bathroom in order not to bust out laughing if that would have been me. LMAO!

My best friend just told me that she about cried last week when her daughter (who is creeping up on 2 years old) did a very sweet thing.
My friend spilled a big jug of water in the kitchen, and said, "Oh no!" and was on the floor sopping it all up (she's 28 weeks PG w/ #2 and was tired anyway). Her daughter walked in from the living room because she heard the "oh no!", walked up to her and brushed my friend's hair out of her face and said, "Whas matter Momma? It ok..." I just about melted. :D

[IrisHope]

My daughter calls music 'mucus'. We were in the supermarket and I said "when we get in the car you can have crackers" and she yelled "I want crackers and MUCUS!!!!!" Everyone stopped talking and just looked at me lol

[Jenyfer9]

We took the train into the city last week, and ds (almost 2.5) was sitting there and watching people come on the train. These are the following comments he made (everything is, of course, in his full voice):

"OLD PEOPLE!"
"BIG PEOPLE!"
"SLOW PEOPLE!"

:eek:

[emmjay]

My 3-yr old niece pitched a fit about the new arrangement of the silverware drawer, and finally my sister told her "You do not control where the spoons go in this house!".

Two minutes later my sister looked over and saw her holding two spoons up to her face and saying "I AM CONTROLLING YOU, SPOONS...".

Soon she will have the plates and glasses under her control as well - BWA HA HA HA!!!

[AlisonCO]

My son loves construction trucks etc and has a forklift - but when he says it it sounds more like "fork-f**k." Well he took it to the store last Sunday and was playing with it in the cart. The checker said "that is a neat truck" and DS said "its a forkf**k!" :)

[genndan100502]

My husband takes baths with our daughter, she's pointed and stared at his "pee pee" before and so he told her that it's a "pee pee". Later on we read the Barnyard dance by Sandra Boyton as one of her goodnight books, we get to the page where there are two pigs dancing around, and she points at the pig's tail and says "pee pee".

[Sebski]

My sister was changing DS's diaper in front of my 3 year old niece. My niece has obviously never seen male private parts so when DS's diaper came off she held her head and yelled out "OH NO". My sister started explaining that DS was a little boy and boys and girls have different parts. Meanwhile my niece is yelling "take it off him mommy - take it off" the whole time :D

That same niece is VERY into makeup now. DH and I gave her a little makeup set w/ a carrying case that she totes all around and tries to give makeovers to everyone she sees. She tried giving one to DH and he said "no, I'm a boy and boys don't wear makeup". She looked at him and said "next time you grow up you should be a girl".

I love that kid!!!

[catmom]

My 12-month old is a big babbler, and she especially likes experimenting with "sh" sounds ("kitty" frequently comes out "shi-shi," for example). One of the things she babbles all the time when she's experimenting with different sounds is "shit". Now, I'm not perfect when it comes to swearing, but that isn't a word that DH or I use, so I know it's just babbling and that she's not picking it up from us. But I know what people are thinking when she says it, and it's SO embarrasing! And she's saying it ALL the time now. Ugh, how about "mama," kid?

[lorbo]

i have a problem with 3 yo DD rooting in my work bag, purse, etc. she's been told over and over to not just go in the bag on her own. i was at a conference and picked up a banana-i never ate it and thought i'd make the kids a banana smoothie the next day. the next morning, i'm walking past the table and see a banana peel on it. i call her to the steps and ask her did she eat the banana-she says no. daddy comes up and asks her-she says no. i then said where did the banana come from then? her answer-THE BANANA STORE:rolleyes: people have warned me she's gonna be a bugger when she gets older. daddy walked away with a big smile on his face and i sputtered not to smile.

[kerrykate]

2 year old DD was drinking some milk and I told her she needed to drink it all because milk is good for her and will give her strong bones and she said, "no Mom bones are for dogs."

[LyLMyssChaos]

Oh my goodness...my DD Madeline is so well known for these...she is a huge fan of Willy Wonka and the Chocolate factory, so much so that the other day, we were at my in-laws house and they were punishing their new puppy for wetting in the house(telling it that was naughty, bad dog, etc.) and my DD out of nowhere says "You get...NOTHING! Good day Sir!" I'll have to do some thinking because I swear at least once a day she has us all cracking up over something. Her latest thing is that she'll get dressed up in her "princess clothes" and then walk up to you, brush the hair off her face, pose and say "do you like my style??" I swear we are going to have our hands full with that one! LOL :)

Oh and don't cry around her...because she will come over to you, pat you on the back and say "suck it up!" Apparently crying is not okay around her! LOL

[Orion]

Since DD is only three months old, she hasn't 'said' anything funny but this is still a good story. My DH recently joined the Navy and during a very quiet ceremony where he was getting sworn into the Navy, DD, who was then two months old, decided to fill her diaper. When DD fills her diaper it sounds like she is exploding and during this very serious (and did I mention very quiet) ceremony all you can hear is my lovely daughter doing her thing and than laughing about it afterwards. I turned bright red and everyone started to giggle!

[IrisHope]

I just LOVE these!!! Keep them coming!!

[snowzilla]

Just so those of you with wee little ones know that it doesn't end as they get older.....

Last week, I was standing at the bakery counter with my 8 and 10 year old (and 7-month old in a sling), and I commented on how good the cinnamon buns looks. DD asked me if I was going to get one for myself, and I said, "Oh, not today". Her response, loud and clear for all to hear, "Oh that's right - you're on a DIET". My DS speaks up, clear as a bell, "What? You're on a DIET, AGAIN???" The girl at the bakery counter had to turn around to hide her laughter. :o

[Kanga]

My best friend's dd is 4 and in school they recently went over a body part book, including penises and vaginas. We were at the store where an elderly man was chatting with her, asking about school, etc. He asked "What have you been learning in school." Her response was, "We learned that girls have vaginas and boys have penises! Did you know that yet?" The look on the old man's face and my friends face was priceless!

[Sabriel]

2 year old DD was drinking some milk and I told her she needed to drink it all because milk is good for her and will give her strong bones and she said, "no Mom bones are for dogs."

OMG, that is too cute! :)

[solongtogo]

these are priceless

[LyLMyssChaos]

These stories are just too cute!

[MrsD108]

Oh way too funny I have been laughing so hard for 10 minutes now.:D

[tirams]

We took the train into the city last week, and ds (almost 2.5) was sitting there and watching people come on the train. These are the following comments he made (everything is, of course, in his full voice):

"OLD PEOPLE!"
"BIG PEOPLE!"
"SLOW PEOPLE!"

:eek:

OMG that is too funny. ROFLMAO! :)

[ManteoChik]

My SO's neice has a little dog named Stewart. One day she was playing with stewart and he missed the toy and accidently got her finger...not hard, but they put a bandaid on it anyway. Her mom told her that she needed to be careful when playing with Stewart because he was just a puppy and he didn't know any better. The next day I went over to visit and noticed her finger, so I said....

Me - "Kate, what happened to your finger?"
Her - "Stewart nipped at me!"
Me - "Uh oh, why did he do that?"
Her - "'Cause he's a puppy and he don't know sh*t!"

ETA.....we used to play a game with the same child and say things like..
"What's mom afraid of?" and Kate would answer "Spiders!"......"What's aunt Courtney afraid of?"" and Kate would say "Everything!". Then they'd say "What's daddy afraid of?" and out of NOWHERE Kate answered...."Being Broke!"

[MichelleRenee]

These are too funny.

I was changing my friend's son's diaper. My 3 year old niece was watching and she suddenly got all excited and went around telling everyone that "Antonio has a tail!!!"

[nettreefrog]

My DD is 12 years old and earlier in the year was studying ancient China. She explained to me that she was studying "confusionism". I asked her if she meant "Confucianism" --because "confusionism" was what 12-year-olds practiced when they misinterpreted information.

[Renrel]

DS loves music and information, so he always wants to know the name of whatever music we are listening to. We were listening to a Mozart CD and he asked the name of the piece "A little night music." He liked it and afterward kept asking for us to play "A big night music."

When we are driving in the car and suddenly break DS will call out "Shoot!" I am guessing he heard me say that one day when I had to break suddenly and that I am lucky I did not say a more umm emphatic? word that comes to mind. Everytime DS does this my husband and I comment on how we dodged a bullet.

Just today we were at brunch at a friends house. My friend realized she had forgot about her banana bread and crys out. "The banana bread is burning, Shit!" DS immediately looks at me and says " I want banana shit." DH and I both choked back a snorting laugh and than I calmly told him he wanted "banana bread." Luckily he did not say the "S" word again so we dodged another bullet. Not sure how many more we can dodge. DS is a quick learn and a mimic.

[BusyBee]

Bump!

[lorbo]

i told DD to clean her room today...she told me she cleaned it yesterday...i said i still wanted the room cleaned and walked away...i hear I'M A PRINCESS AND PRINCESSES DON'T CLEAN THEIR ROOMS! May God help me!

[octoberkate]

Last night DS (2) saw someone crying on tv and, out of nowhere, announces "no crying in baseball." (From A League of Their Own but more recently Pedro Martinez while pitching for the Sox and pissing off other teams.) While DH and I say this to the other often, in fact, whenever one of us is whining, I hadn't realized Alex had picked it up.

[twinnyme]

Last night DS (2) saw someone crying on tv and, out of nowhere, announces "no crying in baseball." (From A League of Their Own but more recently Pedro Martinez while pitching for the Sox and pissing off other teams.) While DH and I say this to the other often, in fact, whenever one of us is whining, I hadn't realized Alex had picked it up.

Oh, this is too funny! My nephew is 3.5 and his father (my BIL) has taught him to say "No crying in baseball," too (as well as "Caddyshack!!!" but that's another story). Well, I was visiting them in NYC a few weekends ago and the night I arrived, we called my DH and had my nephew say this to him - DH is a HUGE Red Sox/baseball fan. It was hysterical!

My DD doesn't really talk yet so I don't have much else to contribute to this thread but I enjoy reading it! :D

[carolc]

My DD (2) identified a Pomeranian as a "squirrel" at the farmer's market the other day. "That's not a dog! That's a squirrel!" It's hard to argue with her. ;)

And then today she saw a daschund at the dog park, and this was her reaction,

"That's a really funny-looking dog! That dog is so, so, so funny-looking!"

:o

[Kristeen]

We have a long haired black cat, who is my 22 m/o DS's buddy. One day DS found a big fluffy black feather (from a feather boa) on the floor in our bedroom. He picked it up and came running to me yelling "help, mommy!" he handed me the feather and said "Ut-oh! Kitty Cat!"

When he was younger and hadn't quite grasped the concept of object permanance, his arm got trapped inside the sleeve of the shirt I was dressing him in. He was unconcerned until he looked down and realized he couldn't see his hand. He looked up at me and said "Ut-oh! All gone?"

Last one, DS fell down and skinned his knee. DH saw it when he got home and said "wow, you've got a bum knee!" I didn't think anything of it until a couple days later when DS was trying to get DH's attention (during opening day of baseball, pretty tough to do). DS got frustrated, and yelled "BUM DAD!!!" and ran off.

[Mrs. M.]

DD is 2.5

Recently, on an overcast day we were walking outside and she observed to DH:
"Look, daddy, the shadows are not working today!"

Last Sunday as we were walking downtown, we passed by a display of purses in the window at the Gucci store. She saw the purses, exclaimed "Mama, I want allllll the bags!" and ran right into the glass window. Luckily, she was ok, as soon as I picked her up she pointed to each purse and said that she wanted that one, and that one, and that one...

[maggieb]

Mrs.M: I am laughing so hard! She's got some expensive taste in purses, no? :D

Tonight before bed Helena who is 28 mos told me, "I'm going to dream of smoothies and jellybeans tonight. Oh, and Easter eggs."

Her daddy had to work late tonight so he missed dinner with us and during dinner she said, in the most plaintive voice, "I miss Daddy oh-so-much!"

I just simply love this age!!!!:D

[Winter Biscuit]

My DH will probably kill me if he finds out I am sharing this... :D

Several months ago, my DD (who turned 2 in December) saw my DH as he was getting out of the shower. We don't flaunt nudity in our house, but we try to teach DD that bodies are nothing to be ashamed of. Thus, she has seen both me and DH naked a fair number of times. We don't parade in front of her, but if she's in the room when we're getting dressed, it's not a big deal to us. Well, this one particular time, she was particularly interested in his penis and couldn't stop staring at it. Then finally she yelled, "That's a SNAKE!" and then she stuck her tongue in and out like a snake and starting making a hissing sound. I was LMAO but felt that it was my duty to get down to her level and explain that no, that was not a snake, that was a penis.

Well, she now understands quite well that boys have penises while girls have vaginas. Last week, she saw my DH getting out of the shower and she says to him, "Daddy, your penis has a mouth!"

[kindermom]

My niece, just over 5, was driving by a Friendly's restaurant and said, "Aunt G that's McDonald's." My sister said, "No that is a Friendly's." To which my niece inquires, "What do they call if they aren't Friendly inside? Baddy's?"

out of the mouths of babes.

[lorbo]

DD has some stomach bug-yeah, Easter vomiting, always fun! So, we had an episode of vomiting on me and her. she took a nap and has ginger ale to help her belly. she finished the ginger ale and says she's not sick. so she comes out of her room and comes to the stairs and says, mommy can i have some ginger ale? i must have given her an odd look-not sure-and she says I'm so sick, can i have some ginger ale and i just started laughing!

[twinnyme]

My latest anecdote is from another of my nephews (I have a lot of nephews between the ages of 2 and 5):

At an Easter dinner yesterday, my oldest nephew, who is almost 5 and has his first "girlfriend," said to me maybe "Becca and Patrick [his brother; her cousin] can be boyfriend and girlfriend when they're older." His mother walked into the room at this point, and I said, "you field this one." She told him that being cousins is even better than being girlfriend and boyfriend! :D

[octoberkate]

The other night Alex (2) cried out in his sleep around 1:30. He was fussing loudly for a few minutes so I decided to get up and go see what was wrong and if I could calm him down. I got in there and he was laying in his bed, looking straight at me. I said "Alex, is something wrong? Can Mommy help you?"

He looked back at me and said "No mommy. Walk away. Go back to bed."

I'm not one to argue if my kid wants me to go back to sleep in the middle of the night! I still have no idea what woke him up and upset him, but he stopped crying and went right back to sleep.

[Renrel]

DS has come up with a very dipomatic way to say no to things he does not want to do, particular giving good bye or good night hugs and kisses or washing his hair. His response is a very pleasantly toned, "Maybe tomorrow."

DS held daddy build a bird feeder at home depo a few weeks ago. I asked him about what kind of birds would come to his feeder. He told me that penguins and flamingos would, but sparrows and robins would not. (We live outside of Boston so I think he may be greatly disappointed at who will be visiting us.

[MrsD108]

DD is 2.5

Recently, on an overcast day we were walking outside and she observed to DH:
"Look, daddy, the shadows are not working today!"

Last Sunday as we were walking downtown, we passed by a display of purses in the window at the Gucci store. She saw the purses, exclaimed "Mama, I want allllll the bags!" and ran right into the glass window. Luckily, she was ok, as soon as I picked her up she pointed to each purse and said that she wanted that one, and that one, and that one...
That is so funny. She was born with expensive taste.

[Aug2002Bride]

I dont have any good ones yet...but my friend told me the other day that they were driving to gymnastics and passed by a cemetery...out of the blue when going by the cemetery her 6 year old said "Mommy, do you know anyone in that dead patch?"!!!!!! I thought that was so hilarious!

[emschwar]

Yesterday we went to the grocery store. We drove down the row to find a parking space and Noah sees the store and yells "there's the grocery store! Mommy found it! Yay!"

[maggieb]

At dinner time Helena wants to know what foods do...carrots help your eyes, milk helps your bones to be strong, etc. The other night she asked me what broccoli does and I told her that they help your bones to be strong. A few minutes later I reminded her that her broccoli might be hot and to blow on it. She looked at me and said, "If I eat broccoli will my bones be hot?" Too, too funny.

[Renrel]

This not quite a thing he said but it cracked me up so I had to share.

DH takes DS to the an arcade about once a week where they play a few active games like air hockey, skittle ball and wack a rat and maybe do a few of those mechanial rides that cost .50 or so. This of course involves make change and putting coins into the machines. So this morning DS announce we are going to play catch with his football. Fine. Then he puts down the ball and tells us we have to pay money first. DH gave him a few coins from his dresser which DS then careful pushed into the crack of the dresser draw. Then he remembered about the making change machine and demanded "money" After giving him a few more coins I realised he wanted a dollar bill. Curious as to what he would do I gave him a one dollar bill. He carefully tried to slide it into the drawer crack as if it was a change machine with a bill feed. Only after the dresser had eatten all this money were we allowed to pick up the ball and play catch.

-
Oh I just remembered an old one. When DS was much younger, around year or so I guess, he had just learned to name all his body parts. He was showing off for my niece who was around 8-9 at the time. He goes through the expected, head, ears, mouth ect, much to her amusement. Then he grabs his crotch and says Penis. She turned bright red and ran to mother asking if she had heard what my son said.

[AttyGrl74]

I havea 40+ minute commute each way every day with 19 month old Nora and frequently encounter bad drivers.

I've tried really hard to watch my language and now say "No way dude" whenever someone tries to cut me off/tailgates/etc. I figure it is better than my usual expletive-peppered exclamations.

Last weekend, I tried to take her bubbles away from her and she said "No way, dude"...

ouch.

[vjel]

We were in the car today and DD (2 in a couple weeks) sneezed twice in a row. She said "blechoo" (bless you). She must've had a messy sneeze and sprayed herself b/c she said "it's raining" right after she blessed herself. :p

[Renrel]

At daycare today I was telling a story to the daycare teacher which involved a nurse. My DS was listening and asked me if I was a nurse. I told him no, I was not a nurse. He then told me I was a nurse. I asked him why he thought I was a nurse. He told it was because I have yies (breasts). After a moment I realised he thinks I am a nurse because I nurse him. He had a good point, even if he was wrong.

[lorbo]

DD has been quite a wisenheimer as of late...lots of backtalk and stuff. she pushed my buttons and i did the "go to your room." very dramatically, i got YOU....ARE.......BREAK.....ING......MY.......HEARR RRRRRRRTTTT.
oh those teenage years are gonna be fun!

[twinnyme]

Love the most recent stories - too funny! Well, again, my DD isn't really talking too much yet but I have a lot of nephews and here's a recent nephew story that my sister just emailed to me today. They live in NYC.

"Jessica [nanny] took Anthony [nephew] on the train someplace yesterday. They were waiting in the station, sitting on the bench. He was in a chatty mood. A Muslim woman holding a small baby came and sat next to them. The woman was wearing traditional attire, but her face was showing. Anthony got sooo excited. Then he said, "Look, Jessica, its Baby Jesus and Mary . . . here in the train station! Baby Jesus is supposed to be in church, not in the train station! Thankfully, the woman was very gracious and actually thought that it was very funny. Anthony then started talking to "Baby Jesus" and tickling her."

The funniest part is that we're not at all religious! (I hope this doesn't offend anyone; it's not meant to - I'm just reporting what he said.)

[kindermom]

Melissa - What a smart and creative little boy!

[twinnyme]

Melissa - What a smart and creative little boy!

Thanks, Kindermom - *we* think so! :D And this is my nephew who had a speech delay (and was mis-diagnosed as having autism) and is now almost 3.5 and is talking a mile a minute!

//hijack :)

[twainny]

Twinnmy- That is sooo freaking funny!!! I am sooo not ready for my DS to start talking!!!

[J&T2005]

One of the girls I sat for was 5 at the time this story happened.

T and I were on our way to her gymnastics class. We were almost there when she very sternly said "Today is not listick."

Hm. I'm usually pretty good at understanding little T but I had no idea what she was talking about. So I asked her what she meant.

"Well, gynastics is NOT listick!"

Okay. Hm. Still don't get it...

When we got to the gym, I helped T change into her gymnastics outfit and she layed her hands on my shoulders and very sternly said that there was "No listick gynastics today!"

I was still incredibly confused about how lipstick could relate to gymnastics when her teacher came in... she introduce herself and then said to T "It's time to have our makeup gymnastics class!"

oooooh. Make-up = lipstick!

Well, needlesss to say, T enjoyed her class, listick or no!

[Mrs. M.]

I was telling DD (2,5 yo) that it was time to get ready for bed and put her pajamas on. She replied: "(Sigh). Mama. Not right now, I am reading a magazine!"

Yesterday, she told me: "I have to write some emails, OK!" before whacking away at the keys on my laptop.

[lorbo]

DD is really into playing with her princesses. i had considered buying a prince or the beast to throw in to the mix until i heard her playing with ariel, jasmine, snow white and cinderella...she puts them in to situations where she calls on one of them to help the others out...like today, she put cinderella and jasmine on the doorknob and she yelled for snow white to save them before they fell into the icky muddy water...snow white wasn't around:rolleyes: ,but ariel was and ariel couldn't save them...though one of her dolls saved all of the others yesterday and that doll got all the thank yous and kisses-told DH that i probably wouldn't get a boy doll because of the girl power.

we were on the hunt for a cookie SHEET. i asked DD to remind me when we went in to Ross. as we were driving to the store, i said what are we looking for in Ross...DD's reply...a cookie blanket-i still can't stop laughing at that...she's too cute sometimes.

[maryanne]

this experience taught me that we will really need to watch what we say once the baby arrives (and that we should have watched it the other day arounjd random kids too).lol!

Hubby and I are huge baseball fans. we were at the red sox -yankees game the other night and were sitting up on the handicapped platform. There was a mom and dad and a little 3 year old boy sitting beside us. The boy was dressed up in a derek jeter uniform, wearing a glove, and taking EVERYTHING in. His mom leaves her hubby and the kid to get some food.

Meanwhile, my husband is a loud boisterous New Jersey guy (think tony soprano with a heart) and is into the game. Not thinking, and frustrated that the Yankees are pitching yet again to David Ortiz who is a known yankee killer b/c repeatedly gets home runs against them, screams "Hit him in the head with the ball." Ortiz struck out.

Then as ramirez comes to ba and the mom arrives back with food , we heard the boy scream, "HIT HIM IN THE HEAD WITH A BALL!!!!"

lol! YOu should have seen the look that the woman gave her husband...she thought he taught him that :)

[Nikkid]

When my son started potty training my DH would take him in the bathroom with him so he could watch him and then they would eventually go at the same time. Then his little brother came along and one time I was giving him a bath he wanted to watch. He noticed his "pee pee" and said, "Baby Jaxson has a pee pee." I said your right, does Kaitlyn have a pee pee? He says no. I said does mommy have a pee pee? He says no. Does Austin have a pee pee? He says yes. Does daddy have a pee pee? He says, "Yes, daddy has a HUGE pee pee." With great emphasis on huge. My DH can never get enough of this story. :rolleyes:

[Jenyfer9]

So I got pulled over today by the police (didn't get a ticket though, just a warning!), and after the officer walked away with my license, ds#1 says "NOW go fast Mommy!" Of course, being 2.5, he always talks in such a nice quiet tone. :p

[maggieb]

A couple of weeks ago I was sick and it really affected my milk supply. My 10 month old nurses first thing when she wakes up and then my 2.5 year old nurses right after she does. This morning I just didn't have any milk left for my 2.5 yr old, but I let her nurse anyway, thinking that she just nursed for the comfort anyway and not the milk. After a minute, she stopped and tapped on my breast and said, "Mom, it's broken. No milk coming out. Can Daddy fix it?" :D

Yesterday I was changing her poopy diaper and she said, "That's so disgusting!" I asked her where she heard such a big word and she said, "From you, Mama!" hehehe

[lorbo]

i just noticed DD has a rash all over her body. i even called my mom, sister who's an RN and the doctor's office. I was asked if she's itchy etc. i asked her and she said no. fast forward to a few minutes ago, she's bugging me to go outside and i tell her i need to give the medicine a little time before putting sunscreen on top of the rash, she starts to whine and tells me..."momma, my polkadots are hurting me"

[babyjinks]

So I thought I would add my little story..My son is 19 months so he doesnt talk much..so anyways I was driving to work and this person on the expressway cut me off...i dont curse but I do blow my horn alot ..so I pounded on my horn and then the very next thing I hear is "toot toot" coming from the back seat it cracked me up so much that I completly forgot my anger about being cut off but it reminded me that everything I do is being watched!

[Renrel]

Yesterday my husband commented "where is my wife?" DS asked who is wife was. DH had him guess and he guessed right. DS than asked where HIS wife was? DH told him he did not have one. DS said he wanted one. DH told him he would have one when he grew up. DS said he wanted a wife NOW!

Anyone have a daughter they want to marry off reallllly young? :p

This morning DS came in to our bedroom as we were standing around talking ask asked us of we "needed some privacy?"

[Winter Biscuit]

I took my 2.5 year old to the zoo today, and 2 of the huge resident turtles happened to be having sex. The male was on top (doggy style) and was grunting really loud and appeared to really be getting it on. I didn't want to stay in front of that exhibit too long but my DD was curious. She asked, "Mommy, what are they doing?" I said I wasn't sure since I wasn't about to explain the birds and the bees to a 2.5 year old toddler. DD then covered her eyes and yelled, "They're scaring me!!!!"

[Kanga]

I just got back from my cousin's second wedding this weekend. I had said something about S (groom) marrying K (bride, my cousin). The bride's daughter who is 8 piped out "S isn't marrying my mom, he's marrying US!"

[twinnyme]

... and so I'm posting my first time in this thread about my DD and not one of my nephews:

For the last few months, Becca has just HATED bathtime. It's gone in waves but she pretty much hates bathtime and getting her hair washed (she's always hated getting her hair washed but she's liked baths in general in the past). Anyway, this week one of her new words is "all done" but I wasn't sure she had the concept down. Well, now I know she does: Tonight as I washed her hair the poor kid just kept saying the whole time: "all done all done all done" .... The screaming during hair-washing was bad enough, now she's going to scream "all done" the whole time???? (And I only wash her hair once a week at this point because she hates it so much.) I don't think I'll be able to handle that.

[carolc]

We took DD on a nature walk this weekend, and we ran into a woman (college age) who was about to go trail biking. She was wearing shorts and a sports bra.

DD, in tones of surprise: "THAT little girl is just wearing a BRA!!"

:o

[emschwar]

LOL! That reminds me.... I don't think I've posted this here before. If I have, forgive me.

I was shopping in the bra section the other day, and Noah looks at the racks of bras and yells out (so everyone in JC Penney can hear) "Mommy has some of those!"

[maggieb]

Oh yeah...Carol and Em's stories remind me of the time we were on the National Mall for kite-flying day and Helena saw a guy running in just his running shorts and she yelled out, "Hey! That guy is naked!"

[SiValleySteph]

DS is obsessed with moles. :confused: He like to point at mine and say "Mommy, mole!" Today he pointed out DH's nipples... "Daddy, mole! Daddy, mole!"

[kimbers]

Yesterday my 2 DD's started swim lessons and my youngest 2.5 asked her instructor what was on her nose. She had a mole and told her this. My daughter said "Ut ahh, that's a booger!" :D

[Neen]

My nephew just graduated from Kindergarten a few weeks ago. My mom wasn't able to go because of work. When she saw him the next day, she told him she was sorry she couldn't come. My sister told him to sing one of the songs they sang for g-ma and he wouldn't do it. My sister asked him why not? His reply "She can just go to the store and buy it when it comes out on CD!" Guess he was pretty upset with g-ma for not being there!

This is also the same child who when he was about 3 came running into my mom's house saying "G-ma, G-ma, here's your fu**ing newspaper!" To say the least, my sister has NEVER cursed in front of him again!!!

[Mrs. M.]

When DD's chicken pox were healing, they grew scabs which fell off to leave tiny scars that are fading.

She pointed to one on her wrist and told me "Mama, look, it's a little hole, and the air is gonna come out!"

[maggieb]

This is my favorite thread! I love to read all of these cleverisms from our little ones.

Yesterday Helena was playing with a toy phone and I was telling her our phone number while she punched the buttons. Later, she pressed several buttons, showed me the phone and then asked me, "Is that our measurement, Mama?" Where does she come up with these things?

Oh, and we have a large Rhodesian Ridgeback who we walk at least twice everyday so he can do his business. Lately, Helena has been walking around the house with his leash and some plastic bags and she pretends like she's peeing and pooping and then picks up her pretend poop and deposits it in the trash. She even has the pee sound down....pisssssssss. And Toby's a male dog, so Helena most certainly lifts her leg while she's 'peeing' on the stair banister. Geez, I hope she phases out of this play soon!;)

[lady1297]

maggieb- that story is the funniest I've read yet!!

[twinnyme]

I forgot about this thread (until I saw the Toddler Hijinx one)! But I have an anecdote from a couple of weeks ago to add (I posted it in my journal at the time):

"So, Becca knows 4 animal sounds now - sheep, cow, horse, and duck. Here's how one of our conversations last night went:

Me: What does a sheep say?
Becca: Baa
Me: What does a cow say?
Becca: Moo
Me: What does a horse say?
Becca: Neigh
Me: What does a duck say?
Becca: Quack
Me: What does a mommy say?
Becca: NO!"

I'm not sure she completely understood what she was saying, but it was funny nonetheless.

Edited to fix typos (I was having server problems before).

[Mrs. M.]

We went to the pediatrician to get pain in DD's ear checked out.

The doctor asked: So, L. do you have a little ouchie?
L. replied: NO, I am a big girl and I have big ouchies!

[emschwar]

A couple weeks ago I was making dinner. DH and Noah were upstairs. I royally screwed up the recipe, and yelled, rather loudly, "Oh Shit!"

Noah heard me upstairs, looked at DH and said "Mommy spilled something."

[Winter Biscuit]

emschwar - :D too funny

I am 12 weeks pregnant with #2 and have had REALLY bad morning sickness. I was diagnosed with hyperemesis gravidarum last week, lost 5 pounds in 6 days, had to have IV fluids, and am now taking Zofran to control the excessive vomiting. I was a sorry sight last week and DD was a real trooper and "took care of me" with her Fisher Price doctor's kit, rubbed my back while I was puking in the toilet, etc. At one point, she asked me why I was sick, and I tried to explain real simply that sometimes when you have a baby in your tummy, you can get very sick. I said something about how I would be all better once the baby comes out and I was so happy that I had such a big girl to help take care of me. Well, I have been MUCH better since starting the Zofran and DD apparently noticed that I haven't been puking. The other day, she said, "Mommy, you're not sick anymore." I said you're right, I'm feeling much better now. DD: "Did the baby come out yet?"

[maggieb]

These are so great!

twinnyme: What a smartie pants!

Here's one of our recent ones...Helena loves the book Little Quack's Bedtime and either her Daddy or I read it to her before bed probably 2-3 times a week. She also has the book on CD and we listen to it in the car periodically. This book is one of the first books she was able to tell back to us almost verbatim. The other day I overheard her reading the book to herself and she started out by saying, "Little Quack's Bedtime by Lauren Thompson. Pictures by Derek Anderson." I just about peed my pants I was laughing so hard. The little girl even memorized the author and the illustrator. Little sponges I tell you.

[postkalidurga]

My sister used to nanny and was visiting the family a few days ago. Apparently the 10 year old started asking his mom about swears and asking her to rate how bad they were. He started with the s-word and she rated it and he continued on through a couple until he got to the c-word. She figured c*nt was pretty bad so rated it a 9 out of 10. He said, oh, I guess I'll just spell C R A P then.

Later they were talking about what gives movies higher ratings and part way through he volunteered that he knew something that raises their ratings and proceeded to spell S P O R T S. I guess he's not allowed to watch some extreme sports. The funny thing was, he continued to spell out sports any time he referenced it in the conversation after that.

[ellybelle]

Although potty training isn't going as well as I would like, DD has developed a fascination with underwear.

So much so that her favorite new bedtime story is now dubbed "Alice in Underpants."

[maggieb]

It's been extremely hot and humid here in DC and yesterday I was putting Helena into her car seat and she had her arm around me. She told me that I was leaking and I thought she meant my milk and I asked her where and she said, "Your back." I had to explaining what sweating meant and that I really wasn't leaking!:D

[crazycaro]

Ruby ate a Thin Mint recently, and she had wiped her face with the back of her hand so it had chocolate smears on it. I jokingly said, oh no, poo poo. Big mistake. Not long after I caught her at the toilet, with the lid up, bowl full of toilet paper. She had some in hand and was dipping it in the water then rubbing it on her hand to get the 'poo poo' off. What could you do but laugh? :)

[Winter Biscuit]

The other day I had asked my DD (2.5 years) to do something and she stubbornly responded, "NO!!" I calmly asked her again and she repeated, "NO!" Then she looked me right in the eye and said, "Mommy, you...drive...me...NUTS!" I just burst out laughing. I have no idea where she picked that phrase up.

[IrisHope]

Winter, that is hysterical!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lorbo]

DH took the kids to cold stone creamery...when they walked in, DD said daddy let's eat the ice cream here, so we don't have to bring any home to mommy. i told her that wasn't nice when she told me the next day....so they visited her grandparents(my inlaws) last night, DH told me DD asked MIL to pack up some ice cream for mommy

[LyLMyssChaos]

My 3 year old has taken to giving people compliments lately, well today's compliment takes the cake. She climbed up on my lap, snuggled into me, rubbed my chest just below my throat and said "mama, your boobies are beautiful." It took all the control I had not to reply with something along the lines of "thank you sweetie, daddy thinks so too!" :p ;)

[jess&dan]

These are cracking me up!

Just need to share a couple!

When my sister was about 4-5 years old, she must have overheard my mom say she had her period. We went over to my grandparents' house and promplty marched into my grandfather's room and shouted to him "Mommy has her period!" I swear I will never forget that!

My husband's aunt told me a story about her 5 yr. old daughter. When she picked her up from school one day, Sara tripped while running towards her and screamed "sh!t"! She told her that when bad things happen to say something silly like "cheese and crackers". A few days later, Sara dropped something and shouted "crackers and sh!t"! Gotta giver her credit for getting it half right. :)

And just the other day my 18 month old was staring at me and all of a sudden point to a mole on my shoulder and said in a very serious tone "uh-oh, boo boo!" Poor kid...I'm a very moley person, so to him I must be nothing but a giant boo boo. :P

[Mrs. M.]

My DH told my DD not to do something (I forget what).

She looked at him all pissed off and proclaimed:

"You're a grody, grody daddy!"

[Renrel]

This evening DS asked daddy if he needed to pee and offered to help. Daddy said no. DS inisisted that daddy did need to. Took away the toys he was holding. Put them down telling him they would still be there waiting when he got back. Escorted him to the bathroom and again offered to help, trying to lift DH up by the toilet, as we lift him so he can pee "standing" up at toilets to tall for him.

Earlier in the evening DS was playing a flute and decided his pull up was a nice place to store the flute, so it is sticking out of his diaper in a very phalic manner, which would be distustingly humourus to an older boy, DS is of course clueless to this. DH and I however give each other a look. DS then removes the flute from his pull up, walks over to me and Slides the flute up my shorts leg and tells me not to worry this will be very comfortable. DH looks at me and asked if he can slide his flute up my shorts too.

[lovin'it]

... DS then removes the flute from his pull up, walks over to me and Slides the flute up my shorts leg and tells me not to worry this will be very comfortable. DH looks at me and asked if he can slide his flute up my shorts too.

HILLARIOUS! :D

[Renrel]

DH reminded me of this one last night.

DH had to call his mother to reprimand her for using inappropriate language around our son. He told her DS said something very inappropriate to him the prior night and that it was obvious he had heard the word while staying with her. MIL got very concerned at what she could have said. She is not a "potty mouth" by any means but has been known to utter a 4 letter word when things don't work. So she cautiously asks DH what DS said, bracing for the worst. DH tells that yesterday DS wanted him to come play, DH said not right now and DS took his hand, pulled at him to come and said "Come on Cutie Pie!" Totally inappopriate!:p !:p!

[Renrel]

I probably should not share this one. It is pretty gross. But here I go anyway. DS is potty training has started commenting on what his poops look like, Usually some sort of food - hot dog, meatball even chicken. Last night he had a solid poop followed by a loose poop. He told me ihe made a poop corn on the cob with margerine, but that we can't eat it because it is poop. Yuck!

[twinnyme]

Gross, but funny, Renrel! :)

[momgonecrazy]

My 2.5 yr old DD was playing on my bed while I was getting ready to go out. My DH came along to play with her. She was standing up and he knocked her down onto the bed. She let out an Aghhhh! She got back up and DH knocked her down again. This made her say a louder Aghhhh! She got up a third time in which my DH knocked her down again. This time she gets up and lets out a big sigh and says "freakin boys!" and gets off the bed and stompes off.

[savannahgrl]

This thread has been my entertainment tonight. These are all so funny!

[malala]

Renrel: your DS is too funny, you literally made me LOL with the flute story.

[Renrel]

This evening I was sitting with my legs out in DS bedroom and he bumped into my legs starting this converstation.

DS: Mommy I tripped on your bones. We need to get you new ones.
Me : New bones?
DS: You will feel better in a few minutes after we get you new bones. We need to hammer you.
Me: Hammer me?
DS: I will open you up with the hammer so I can get the old bones out. Then you can have new bones. Won't that be better?

DH: Well now we know his first chosen profession.
Me: raised eyebrow in question
DH: He is going to be a Quack!
DS: I am going to be a Mack!

I am a little nervous going to sleep last night. What if DS sleep walks and attempts surgury on me?;)

[vjel]

Renrel, your DS is too funny!

my dd (27mos.) has seen me putting pantiliners on my panties. recently she came into the bathroom while i was doing this.

dd: boo boo ban-naid (band-aid) mommy?
me: *giggle* yeah, boo boo band aid
I pull up my panty
dd: all better mommy

I have been trying FOREVER to get dd to say excuse me after she burps but she usually just says "oh boy"...totally my fault that she says that b/c I would say it all the time when she would burp loudly.

She finally started saying "scoos me" in the last week or 2.

dd: scoos me
me: oh did you just burp? good job (for excusing herself)
dd: no, I farted :p

[bellabonga]

DD is now 3.5 and delights me daily with some surprising conversations. These are all from last week:

DD and I were walking to her kindergarten and our dog pulled at the leash like a madman. I was talking to myself and said something like "This dog is driving me insane." DD´s answer: "We´d better rent a cat."

Later that day DD hugged our dog so tight that he was gasping for breath. I told DD not to hug him that tight because after all she didn´t want to choke him. Her answer: "I´d prefer to have a cat anyway." :eek:

"Don´t kiss me, mommy. I get a rash from it."

"That was my kindergarten teacher with the pony braid."

Me: Did you sleep well?
DD: Yes, I dreamt of monsters and strawberries. :D

[Renrel]

I think all you mommies will like this one.

Last night DS was up very late playing at Grandma's house with his cousins. This morning I went into his rom to tell him it was wake up time. (I am blessed with a child who will stay in his room till someone comes to tell him it is wake up time.) He looks up at me with a smile on his face and tells me after Sunday come "Purse" and on "Purse" we Sleep and Sleep and Sleep! (But we have to all sleep in the same room.)

[maggieb]

Renrel: It must be my own lack of sleep, but I'm having a hard time figuring out what your DS meant. Please interpret for me...;) :)

[Renrel]

He made up a 8th day of the week which for unknown reasons he calls purse and all you do on Purse day is sleep, sleep, sleep. But everyone must sleep in the same room. Mommies and Daddies may not sleep in one room and children in another.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Here is my 3 year old DD's latest comment:
She went with me today to the OB for a check-up and we've been on pins and needles about when the baby is coming, so the doctor did an internal exam. Well, apparently my DD was paying attention because she just came up to me and said "Mama, my baby girl is coming, can you check my butt?" :eek:

[lorbo]

DD told her father "you're a lot like shrek, you're a lot of fun"

[chandy]

My daughter is totally obsessed with the garbage truck, she thinks it is the coolest thing ever. So I was telling her that the garbage truck picks up our garbage from the house and takes it to the dump. Now whenever she finds a piece of trash in the house, she brings it to me and says "take dump". Someone's going to think I've taught her a really crass way of saying she needs to poop.:rolleyes:

[IrisHope]

DH and I were in a argument. When we finally stopped arguing she looks up to her dad and said "Mommy is CRAZY!" She's only 2 1/2.

[Renrel]

Lately when I suggestion DS should go potty his response is
"I am going to hold it till Sunday. I have alot of practice and can do it!"

[coquelicot]

A few years ago, I asked my cousin's 3-year-old where camouflage comes from (he was wearing a camouflage shirt, I think). He looked up at me with those big, sweet blue eyes and said, "Camels."

[IrisHope]

Lately when I suggestion DS should go potty his response is
"I am going to hold it till Sunday. I have alot of practice and can do it!"

OMG that's so funny!!!! How old is he?

[Renrel]

Iris - He is a riot. He will be 3 in October. He started potty training in earnest (wearing underwear all day) in May and just started wearing big boy underwear to bed this week.

[Renrel]

Ds does not quite get the concept of a secret. DH is taking him to get me a b-day present. He is trying to instill the idea that it is a secret and that they need to sneek out of the house. (I am of course aware of all this, it just the concept we were working on not an actual suprise.) DS proudly shouts out to me, "Mommy, we are sneaking out now!"

He does have his manner down though. He was setting us all up to pretend snack time and needed to move one of his chairs that is a bit bulky. I asked if he needed help. "No thank you. I can do do it. ...........But, thank you for offering." (DH and I find it so hard not to crack up when he is soooooo polite.)

But he has trouble understanding that there are different rules for grown ups and kids. Last night he was in hysteric because he had told me to do something that was part of a game he had made up and instead I put his PJ on him. "You didn't listen to me, Mommy! That not nice! You need to listen to me when I talk to you.!" Try as I might I can not get him to understand that I always listen but sometime the answer is no. He sounds just like one of his preschool teachers reprimanding one of their charges for not followign directions when he does this.

[Winter Biscuit]

Renrel - my DD is the exact same way when it comes to secrets and surprises. Last March, I told her that DH's birthday present was a surprise. She helped me wrap it and I kept reminding her that we can't tell him what it is because it's a secret. When he got home from work, she yelled, "You need to open your present, daddy! It's a football secret!" (The gift was football-related.) We just laughed at her.

I am due with #2 in January and DD keeps insisting that her sibling is going to be a girl/sister. She is very adamant about it and argues with anyone who suggests it could be a boy. She is CONVINCED that I am carrying another girl (so much so that I am starting to believe her). I finally asked her why she was so sure that the baby was a girl (expecting her to say something like, "Because I want a sister"), and she replied, "Because everybody else thinks it's a boy!" :D

[Renrel]

Winterbiscuit - We are not expecting but DS keeps asking where his baby is since many of his friends have babies in their families. And he always seems to say he wants or that we will have two babies. Scares the begeezed out of me since twins do run in my family and I am older which makes twins more likely. I am barely getting up the nerve to go for #2.

If the subject my wedding or marrage comes up for any reason, DS will insist he was in my tummy at the wedding. He was not concieved until after our 1st year anniversary but just can't stand the idea that he missed a good party or that anything existed before he did.

[MrsTazlvr]

DD (2 1/2) bites her nails. DH and I can't stand it, but we both bite our nails, too, so it's hard to stop her. Anyway, one day in the car I saw her fingers in her mouth so her's our conversation:
ME: Allie, please stop biting your nails.
DD: I'm not biting my nails, Mommy. I'm eating a booger!":p :rolleyes: :eek:



Another day DD and I were talking about why her sister didn't talk yet. I figured she'd say because she was a baby. Instead she told me that her sister needed batteries. She even showed me where on the back of her neck they go. ;)

[twinnyme]

Another day DD and I were talking about why her sister didn't talk yet. I figured she'd say because she was a baby. Instead she told me that her sister needed batteries. She even showed me where on the back of her neck they go. ;)

That's hysterical!

I received this in an email from my sister this morning about my almost-3-year-old (on 9/16) nephew:

"the other night, he kept getting up over and over and finally i said in a teasing but i guess a little loud voice, "Mister, you better get back into that bed now." and he immediately burst into tears and ran crying into his room and when i went to talk to him, and asked him why he was so upset, he said "because you called me mister."

As she said, who knows what goes on in their little heads?? You'd think it was the louder voice that upset him, not the "mister"!

Not much real funny stuff from my little munchkin lately, although whenever I give her food in her high chair she now says "here you go" (in such a cute little voice) - apparently, I must always say that to her when I give her food. I never realized until she started saying it back to me....

[Renrel]

This morning I made some comment about my heart and touched my chest to show where my heart is. I than asked DS where his heart was. He told me it was in his head. I told him I kept my brain in my head. He told me his brain was in his hair.

[twinnyme]

* When I told DD it was bathtime she ran away from me (of course), and when I caught up to her and grabbed her, she said "I got you." Hee hee. Funny girl.

* A not-so-funny one (but humorous nonetheless): after bath time, when I was cleaning up the tub and she was still in the bathroom she was trying to pull down my shorts from behind me and saying "poopie." :eek: :eek: Guess she's getting the idea of potty training, huh?

[Renrel]

Twinnyme- On a similiar note Gabe always tell us we missed if he does not catch the ball. But he also tells us great job if he catchs it.

Gabe is very interested in understanding/figuring out bones and internal body parts lately. It has lead to some interesting statements such as:
I keep my brains in my hair. and
I have a bone in my pants. It tells me when I am hungry.

He still wants to fix everything that is broken with a hammer. Including mommies hand and a broken china facete handle.

Lately he is very into seperating things by gender. He tells me that he and daddy match and that is why only they can play a game.

[Mrs. M.]

Dh taught her the meaning of the number zero. Like "There are zero elephants in this room."

DD: "I am a girl. I have zero dickies."

[kindermom]

DD: "I am a girl. I have zero dickies."

:eek: But correct!

[twinnyme]

DD: "I am a girl. I have zero dickies."

Wow! How cute - and as kindermom said, also correct! :D

[lorbo]

DH has versed DD well in the why category...she asked over and over again...daddy, why do you and mommy have to go to work? when somebody asks...she'll tell you-daddy's working to pay the man!

DD and DS are temporarily sharing a room, while i try to get sanding/painting done, he was up to no good last week and i asked him over and over not to do something and ended up saying-you'll go to your room if you do it again-a voice in the background says, you mean my room:rolleyes:

[annielynn]

My DS (22 months) favorite game right now is making animal noises.

Me: What does a cow say?
DS: moooo
Me: What does a puppy say?
DS: woof, woof
Me: What does a piggy say?
DS: <sniff, sniff> (that is the closet to a snort that he can get)
Me: What does mommy say?
DS: NO NO <giggle giggle>

He thinks that is the best part!

[twinnyme]

My DS (22 months) favorite game right now is making animal noises.

Me: What does a cow say?
DS: moooo
Me: What does a puppy say?
DS: woof, woof
Me: What does a piggy say?
DS: <sniff, sniff> (that is the closet to a snort that he can get)
Me: What does mommy say?
DS: NO NO <giggle giggle>

He thinks that is the best part!

How funny, annielynn!! My DD did the same thing in July - I posted it on page 11 (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=4629&page=11). They think they're so funny, don't they?? :D I haven't been able to get her to do it again, though.

[luvalwaysMandy]

I asked DD the other day if she was poopy and she replies "Not today, maybe tomorrow."

I haven't a clue when she got that from!

[emschwar]

I asked DD the other day if she was poopy and she replies "Not today, maybe tomorrow."

I haven't a clue when she got that from!

That reminded me. Whenever Noah goes to the potty, after he flushes, he looks into the bowl and says "bye bye tee-tee (or poopies)! See you soon!"

[Mrs. M.]

When I ask DD to go to the potty before leaving on an excursion, she whines:

"But Mama, I already made a peepee today!"

[Renrel]

Yesterday-

Mommy you are diserupting my words!

and, while he believed he was "performing" for a group of adults.

Hey, quiet down you guys! and

I only hear one guy clapping!

[chandy]

My DD was singing her version of some disco today..."Shake shake shake...shake your booby."

[twinnyme]

When I drained the bathtub tonight DD said "Excuse me!" I think she thought the tub was burping - or she was being silly because she thought it sounded like that.

[Jenyfer9]

DS#1 told my dh this morning that he wanted to watch something on tv. DH told him that he could later, because we had to drive dh to his train first. DS#1 looks at dh and says "Dad, you ride bike to train". :) Best part of this is that I've been trying to tell dh this ALL SUMMER.

[maggieb]

jenyfer9: Too funny! Did you DH take the train?:)

Two things:

#1: Yesterday at dinner we had spaghetti and Helena started licking her very messy lips and said, "Look, Mom! My tongue is a napkin!"

#2: DH was giving her a bath tonight and I was in her room cleaning up and I could hear everything that she was saying. I guess DH went to the restroom and didn't flush it and she gave him a major scolding...these are her exact words, "Daddy, that's yucky." DH then said, "What's yucky?" and Helena said, "When you don't flush the potty after you pee. People just don't do that!" I could hear him chuckling and then he flushed it.

[Renrel]

One of my son's pet peaves is when I take pretend bites of him or nibble his toes. He is always telling me that I should not eat him because he is not food. He is a person. So this morning when I took a play bite of his neck he resonds. Don't eat me mommy. I am not food. We have talked about this!

This evening he drank some milk and was demonstrating to me how it goes down a tube to his belly. Then it apparently goes down to his feet, out some small holes, through the floor to a milk tank. Similiar to where pee and poop goes when we flush. There are apparently also milk bees who drink this milk and make honey that tastes like milk.

He and DH were playing toss the lovey and lovey kept landing on DS's head. He would call out "Hey, who turned off the lights!"

[lorbo]

that wonderful husband of mine just stresses me out. i kind of scratched our new car leaving the driveway-i drove over the curb and he was watching me...so when i got home, i asked why he was watching...waiting for him to respond about the curb, i had to tell him what i did and he goes out to inspect it and then starts pissing and moaning about the damage-it's a low bodied car(if that's what a mazda 5 is???) he goes on and on and DD comes over to me and whispers just tell him you're sorry mommy and that you didn't mean to do it and everything will be okay.

[johnny'sgirl]

Not a parent, but I absolutely *had* to share this one I heard in a Target bathroom a couple of weeks ago:

Mom and a little girl, about age 3 or so. Mom took little girl into the bathroom stall with her. Apparently mom was using the facilities, because the bathroom was relatively quiet, and then the little girl screetched out, "Mommy, why aren't you wearing any panties?"

OMG, I was laughing SOOOO hard... :D :D

[Renrel]

I heard a cute one the other day. A older cousin on DH's Side was tell us about a family she knew who followed some parenting bible way back when, she thought it was Dr. Spock. Anyway the advice was never say no to a child. So whenever this family's little boy when near an electric outlet the parents would say easy, easy Timmy. So once Timmy became verbal when ever he was asked to do something he did not want to do he would respond. EASY MOMMY EASY!

[Renrel]

I think I have mentioned before that DS likes to tell people that he was in my belly at my wedding. He was not (he was born shortly after my 2nd wedding annivesary) but can't concieve of not existing at all, particularly for such a significant event. The other night we were talking about when he was in my belly. He told me that he got in my belly in my food. He also wanted to check on whether he had a diaper or clothes on in my belly.

[maggieb]

DH makes smoothies for Helena after dinner sometimes...so we call him the Smoothie King. Yesterday I was getting out of the shower when Helena came in the bathroom to tell me something. I was drying off and she said, "Mom, you're the Boobie King!" Thanks.:rolleyes:

[lauren f s]

Ava walked into the car door last night when we picked her up from preschool and immediately got a nasty bruise. She spent the 10 minute ride home telling us "I so hurt my head!" or "My head so hurts".

If we tell her it's time for a bath, she'll look at us and say "I don't need a bath, I not nasty."

[Mrs. M.]

L introduced herself to some other kids in the sandbox:

"My name is L..., and I am the big sister of my little sister."

[twinnyme]

Mine still aren't as funny as the rest of yours but this one kind of goes in the category of "out of the mouths of babes": (as an explanation, I work part-time on Tues/Wed/Thurs. On Mondays and Fridays I am home with DD.)

On Friday, when I asked her at one point, "what do you want to play with next?" she said "Megan" - who is one of her friends at daycare.

Nothing like that to shoot down a mom's feeling that the activities she's coming up with for her kid are interesting and good ones! :D

[Steve's Sweety]

2 recent crack ups:

1)
DS (2) is starting to have more fears, such as the dark.
One night a week or so ago we were all upstairs in our room (just down the hall from his) and I suggested that he go get his pj's. He got a few steps down the hall, turned around and came back saying "I don't want to worry about it".

2)
A few nights ago we were coming back from the channel near our house and DS observed "it's dark outside". I confirmed that yes, it was. Pause. DS says "Sometimes this happens".

[lauren f s]

We had dinner plans last night with my IL's to celebrate a birthday. DH, DD, and I were in the car headed home and told Ava she needed to take a bath before we left. She was quiet, then said, "I don't feel good. (long pause) I can't take a bath."

[Winter Biscuit]

My DD likes to put her hands on my pregnant belly and claims she can feel the baby kick (although I doubt it - so far, the baby hasn't been noticeably active when she has done it). The other day she put her hands on my belly and said "I want to feel Nugget kick." Then a few moments later she said, "Nugget kicked! I think it's saying 'Let me out! Let me out!'

Then she put her hands on my boobs and started pressing down. I asked her what she was doing and she replied, "I want to feel the milk in your boobies!"

[Renrel]

I put DS to sleep tonight and after the play with a toy stall, one more book stall, drink of water stall and need to use the potty stall I finally get him in bed and leave the room. 15 minutes or so later he comes out of his room (Something he had done for the first time the night before at grandma's house) and told us he is "Tired of sleeping."

And not quite a thing he said but at grandma's house he started stripping. My niece comes in with his pants and tells me DS took them off because he said they were wet. I assumed he had an accident. I go in and finding him taking off the rest of his clothes because he had decided the sunken living room was a lake and he had been swimming in it so he clothes must be wet.

[Natasha]

My son likes to describe his poop, too. after he poops in the toilet, he likes to tell me what kind of poop it was.

Once they were little round poops. "I had little ball poops, mommy. They're very, very small, like this" and then demonstrates by putting his thumb and forefinger very close together and squinting through the gap

[Mrs. M.]

DD was playing with DH:

"Now, I am a princess, and you are a manprincess!"

[lorbo]

DD is hugely in to dressing up in everything from my clothes to DH's clothes to handmedown dresses that are too big right now. every so often, she'll do the bride thing and we hear-here comes the bride-in pants, here comes the bride in pants.:D

[Winter Biscuit]

My son likes to describe his poop, too. after he poops in the toilet, he likes to tell me what kind of poop it was.

Once they were little round poops. "I had little ball poops, mommy. They're very, very small, like this" and then demonstrates by putting his thumb and forefinger very close together and squinting through the gap

This reminds me (and I hope I haven't posted this already - too lazy to look and see if I have), after my DD goes poop she will usually tell us whether it was a big one of little one (without looking). Sometimes say, "Oh wow, that was a BIG one! It was a BIG daddy poop!" Then if she goes some more after the first round, she might say, "That was a grandma (or mom) poop. I think I'm all done now." Once a tiny little pellet some out and she said, "That was a baby poop." I have no idea where she got the idea to determine her poops were daddy/mommy/grandma/baby size, but it cracks us up. I just hope she doesn't do this at daycare - I can only imagine what her teacher would think if she said "Oh man, that was a BIG daddy one!" :D :p

[lorbo]

a new one today...DD is very in to the princesses and everytime she sees the little mermaid commercial-she mentions that she wants that movie. then she'll say i really want the little mermaid wedding dress. today she said i want the little mermaid wedding dress and the little mermaid tail...then a pause...not the real tail, just a pretend one. i went a little further in to that, asking why not the real tail...she says i couldn't play on the playground, i couldn't slide down the pole at school.

[twinnyme]

Tonight DD was having a great time in her bath, so near the end of bathtime I started to give her timed warnings. I do this a lot and clearly she gets it, because when we got down to taking her out of the bath she said to me, "three minutes"! Then, when we were reading on the couch downstairs and I did the same thing, then said "bedtime" she said to me "playtime"!

All I can say is, uh-oh. :D

[twinnyme]

Lately, whenever DD sees an older woman she says "Grandma." Well, today we were in the supermarket and she said "hi" to someone - an older lady - who said "how friendly you are" and "how nice," etc. THEN Becca says "hi Grandma" :o and I could see the woman was surprised - and possibly insulted - and I felt terrible and said "sorry." She was very gracious about it, thankfully.

[Renrel]

This past week DS has been pretending I am a bed/chair. He wants me to sit with my leg bent so he can sit on my like I was a recliner chair. He calls me his bumpy bed and at least twice said that he "loves my bumps!" My DH agrees, but they are referring to different bumps.

[Renrel]

today one of DS friends. "L"was playing on the slide and I guess he was playing in a manner ds thought was dangerous. The teacher saw him hiding his face behind his hands. She asked him what was wrong. He said "I dont want to see "L" get get broken."

[oshannon]

My DS is too young to be talking quite yet, but one of the little guys at daycare cracked me up the other day.

Teacher: R, it's nap time.
R: I don't want to take a nap.
Teacher: Why not?
R: There's no time for that!

[maggieb]

This past weekend DH and I were too tired to make dinner, so he was going to go out to Five Guys to pick up burgers. I asked Helena if she wanted a hamburger or a cheeseburger and she said, "A hamburger." I then asked her what she wanted on her burger and she said, "Cheese." She had no idea why DH and I were cracking up.

It's been pretty chilly here today and despite the weather we walked to the park and played for a little while. We were all cold when we got home for lunchtime and as I was making lunch Helena was lying on the kitchen floor in a patch of sunshine and said, "Mommy, the sun is my blanket." So sweet.

[lorbo]

we were visiting with GGMIL today and i was a bit unhappy that i didn't have my eyeliner-i was kind of complaining about it and DD told me-mommy, you don't need eyeliner, you're beautiful without it! wow, she can be so sweet.:D

[Renrel]

This morning DS was in his room with me chatting and we heard daddy in the bathroom. DS announces that he needs to go to daddy. I comment that I think daddy is in the shower. DS assured me that daddy was "just putting on his make up."

Also this past weekend while house hunting DS announce that we were going to buy the house we were looking at. When asked why his response was "Because I am tired of looking at them." I suggested he make an offer to the agent of $5 since that was what grandpa gave him for raking the leaves. If he could buy it we would stop looking.

[1_mommy]

Kaimi struck up an interesting conversation in public a couple weeks ago

k: those are your boobies mommy? (pointing)
m: yes they are
k: daddy has boobies
m: yes
k: daddy wants big boobies
m: no, boy don't want big boobies (i could of told her they just like to look at them)
k: i need big boobies mommy
m: silence
k: can i have big boobies?
m: when you get bigger you can have big boobies

[kristin]

Yesterday, my 2.5 year old DS leaned over to kiss his 13 mo sister and said to me "Mommy the baby is hot". I replied "I know honey, she has a fever and is hot, but we just gave her medicine to make her cooler. He then leaned over to his sister and started blowing on her head and said "Jack will make the baby cooler". It made my day!

[twinnyme]

Last night DD was "helping" us fold the laundry. She pulled a pair of my underwear out of the dryer, put it on her head (with her head through one of the holes and everything), and said "swimming!"

(We started swimming lessons 3 weeks ago, but WHY she associated my underwear with swimming is beyond me....)

[Renrel]

In the the other day my DS told me that if you have a moskito(sp) as a pet you can touch it. It will be soft. :confused:

Whenever we will not let DS do what he wants, have what he wants ect he tells us "thats not nice" in the same voice a teacher or we would use if he did not follow our directions.

[SiValleySteph]

From yesterday:

Mommy: LT, do you want to go vote?
LT: Yeah, Ride the boat at the beach.
Mommy: No, not boat with a "b," buh, vote with a "v," vvvuh
LT: I want boat with a "b"

(Boat & vote sound exactly the same in DS's 2 year old speak.)

[emschwar]

From yesterday:

Mommy: LT, do you want to go vote?
LT: Yeah, Ride the boat at the beach.
Mommy: No, not boat with a "b," buh, vote with a "v," vvvuh
LT: I want boat with a "b"

(Boat & vote sound exactly the same in DS's 2 year old speak.)

LOL! Noah kept saying he wanted to vote in the water and in the lake!

[twinnyme]

LOL! Noah kept saying he wanted to vote in the water and in the lake!

(Boat & vote sound exactly the same in DS's 2 year old speak.)

Too funny! I just posted this in my LJ yesterday:

"This morning I went to vote after dropping DD off at daycare. As I was dropping her off, I said "Mommy's got to go now because she has to go vote." Two or three minutes later, I am still there (LOL) and she says to me, "boat." I'm like, huh? I said, "We didn't see any boats outside. We saw some big trucks." (we always do; they're doing construction and she loves to see trucks). Finally, I figure it out, and say: "Yes, mommy has to go vote." It was very cute."

[Mrs. M.]

DD told me today that she didn't want her baby sister anymore and we should throw her away or swap her for the baby sibling her friend S. is expecting soon. I told her that S's sibling is going to be a boy. That changed her mind and she wanted to keep her little sister after all.

Everyone on the subway we were riding on was highly amused :rolleyes:

[Winter Biscuit]

My DD is really turning into Miss Independent and insists on going potty and poop by herself in the bathroom. She doesn't want ANYONE in there while she is doing her business. She has even locked herself in the bathroom a few times, all in the name of privacy. We've told her that she may certainly have some privacy and she can shut the door, but we've asked her not to lock it. (We still insist on checking to make sure she wipes OK when she is done - I don't want to deal with infections due to poor wiping habits.)

She is pretty good about not locking the door anymore, but anytime we knock on the door to check on her or open it to peek in to see if she is done yet, she'll say in a scolding voice, "Mommy! Please go away! I need some privacy!"

Mrs. M -- #2 won't even be here until January, but a few times my DD has announced out of the blue, "I don't want to be a big sister anymore!" And a few months after I was born, my brother asked my mom if they were done with the baby (me) yet and when they were going to take me back to the hospital :D

[Renrel]

Winterbiscuit - My DS also asks for privacy, but he wants to have it with me. When he wants me all to himself he tells whoever is butting in on his time (be it a friend at school or daddy) We need some privacy.

I also was ready to take my little sister to go back to the hospital when she was about 2-3 weeks old.

[SiValleySteph]

This is so embarassing, DS please forgive me, but oh so funny...

This morning, post potty, pre flush:

DS: Bye bye green poo-poo. See you tomorrow!

[Renrel]

DS still uses a pull at at night when he sleeps. The other day he woke up late and the pull up was very wet. I made some comment about it. His reply was that it was not wet. That the pee dried and turned to poop to keep the other poop company. Apparently all things need to have company these days.

In the store I put a bottle of soda in the cart seat with DS and started to fall over. I teased him that the soda was making friends with him by leaning on him. The required that the next two items we bought also go in his seat with him, to be friends with the soda bottle.

When building with his blocks he will sometimes pick up the paper that came with his bob the building click blocks, looked at it intently, and tell me that he hs reading the constructions.

[Jenyfer9]

DS#1 will sit on the potty, and yell "IT'S WORKING!!!" when he's peeing. Gee... thanks for sharing. :)

[twinnyme]

Becca must be into diet drinks all of a sudden. This weekend when we were visiting family and she saw me drinking a bottle of Diet Coke she said, "mommy beer." I never drink beer but DH does and it must have looked like a beer bottle to her. I was just glad no one but us was around to hear it.

Then, we went grocery shopping yesterday on our way back from traveling for the weekend, and as DH pushed her in the cart, and I come back from getting Diet Coke in the soda aisle, she yells "Mommy Diet Coke!" She kept saying it for the rest of the shopping trip. :p

Yes, mommy is addicted to Diet Coke - and coffee - anything with caffeine in it! :D

[Jenyfer9]

Today we were in the store, and to keep my boys occuppied as I was looking at exciting things like dishtowels ;) I took these 2 Thomas the Train things off a nearby shelf for them. As we were leaving the store (I had the cashier put them away, we didn't buy them), ds#1 says that he wants the Thomas. I told him that he should ask Santa for him. He says "I can't ask Santa. He's busy at church right now doing things."

I have NO idea where that one came from.

[Chelsea524]

Bad mommy here, anyone see the movie Meet the Fockers? I was shopping last night and this guy was a real jerk and under my breath I said f*ck you, very quietly so no one heard, well my 2 year old must have heard me just fine and started shouting f*ck you nice and loud over and over, I was so horrified, everyone, including the guy I was saying it about turned around and looked.

[SiValleySteph]

DS came up with a gem this morning.

He "passed gas" (going for a poilte euphemism here) and then said:

There's a lion in my diaper!

[Weddings by]

There's a lion in my diaper!

:D LOL!!

[Jenyfer9]

That's HILARIOUS! I about spit out my coffee. Through my nose, no less.

[ThreeYell]

We jokingly call DS's behind his tiny hiney. This afternoon I was trying to get him to go down for a nap and he was fighting me hard. He wouldn't stop taking, trying to play, etc. I was getting very frustrated and I guess he could tell because all of the sudden, he looked at me and said "Sam like mama tiny hiney." How does a 21-month-old know to compliment a lady's ass to make her feel better?

[LyLMyssChaos]

The other day, we were at the doctor with my son who was really sick for quite a few days and he was crying at the doctor. My almost 3 1/2 year old daughter, obviously was not happy about this as she very sternly announced:
"I have had it! I am done with Timmy's crying. Tell him to stop Mommy because I have had enough!" Guess she hears that alot, eh? :rolleyes: :o

[BooeyJ2]

DD is 20.5 months old....


X-posted from my LJ....
So yesterday as we were in line waiting for Santa, there was a little boy who was about 5 years old who was being a total P.I.T.A. We were 3rd in line, his family was about 8th. He totally went up to the front of the line, his mom and dad told him about a million times that he needed to go back where they were. He ignored them, hung on the velvet rope things, practically knocked them down, etc....and remember, he was at least 5...definitely old enough to listen. So anyway...back to the funny.
PJ heard him getting "talked to" by his parents and knew he was being bad, next thing I know, she points to him and says "NO!! .....TIME OUT!!".
O.M.G...the people around us were DYING. So yeah, that's her newest thing. This morning she saw a commercial for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse where a bunch of kids are singing. Apparently PJ was jealous that they are singing with Mickey and the gang, so she yelled "NO! ....TIME OUT!" to them too =X
I've created a monster ;)

[Brandian]

I was getting ready to have my second baby and my daughter (three at the time) was so excited about it. Then one night around midnight it happend. We woker her up and told he she was going to have her baby brother soon and that we called the ambulance because mommies water broke. Then on the way home from the hospital she asked if we could stop at the store. We asked her why and she wanted to get me a water bottle because my water broke :)

[twinnyme]

We've been trying to teach DD to take turns with music in the car. (We're getting tired of the Little People and are trying to expand her - and our - horizons.) Tonight we decided to have a "silent moment" in the car, with no music playing. We were in DH's car, which has a CD player. DD is mostly in my car, which has a tape player.

So, there was no music playing and no one was talking at one point. And she says, "another tape, mommy!" :p

[Natasha]

Ethan said the most bizarre thing the other day. he looked at bert and said "i wish you were really, really tiny, like this (holding his thumb and forefinger very close to each other) and then I would put you in my mouth!"

I said "it's not nice to eat daddy".

His reply? "I wouldn't EAT him, mommy! I'd spit him out!".

Where do they get this stuff? It totally came out of the blue, we weren't even talking about eating or spitting out anything.

[Jenyfer9]

Yesterday, ds#1 was putting a band-aid on his finger. Here's the exchange:

me: why do you need a bandaid on your finger?
ds: because I broke it.
me: you broke your finger?
ds: Yes, and my knee too.
me: Well I'm sorry to hear that. Does it hurt?
ds: ummmmm.... no. But I did bump heads with Aiden today.

[lorbo]

DD and DS went and saw Santa yesterday...very traumatic for me...as DD seemed to be afraid of Santa...and that Santa is the best around. so they sit on his lap and DS starts to cry and i get the best possible picture. DD gets down and Santa asks what she wants for Christmas...get ready! she told him dolls and CHAPSTICK. bet he goes home and tells his wife that a 3 year old asked him for chapstick.

[Winter Biscuit]

My DD has said all kinds of things lately that have made me chuckle :)

I'm 33 weeks pregnant with #2 and have outgrown most of my maternity clothes. I'm at the point where I am so sick of wearing maternity outfits, and I vow not to buy any new clothes at this point, especially since I think #2 will be our last child. I feel like I wear the same things every week (since nothing else fits). Today, I woke up late so just grabbed a red and black leopard-print velour maternity shirt that a friend of mine let me borrow. It's not really my style, and a little more dressy than what I'd normally wear to work. But hey - it FITS, and that's all I care about at this point. Well, when DD woke up this morning and saw what I was wearing, she immediately said, "Mommy, you look like a RED GIRAFFE!" Then she proceeded to feed me (pretend) giraffe food.

The other day, DD pointed out that my sock had a hole in it. I told her that I need some new socks and maybe she could get me some new socks for Christmas. Her reply? "No! You have to go to the mall and sit on Santa's lap and tell HIM what you want for Christmas!"

One of DD's friends at preschool, C, just turned 3 and still uses a pacifier during nap time. When I came to pick her up the other day, her friend C had just woken up from his nap and still had his paci in his mouth. DD points out C's paci to me and provided the following explanation: "C can't keep his mouth closed when he sleeps. So Miss Linnea (teacher) puts a paci in his mouth. Now he can keep his mouth shut at nap time!"

[twinnyme]

I love bumping this thread up because I love reading the stories, so excuse my multiple posts!

This morning I was putting tights on DD. After I had one leg on, she said "other leg's turn" and then when I put that leg on, she said "thank you." :)

[Renrel]

Yesterday DS got a time out for starting to throw a fit because he did not get his way about something. As he sits on his stool he is crying and telling me over and over "I don't like it when I don't get what I Want!" Ahhh Duhhhhh. I wonder at what age the obviousness of this statement will become apparent to him. At this point he really seems to think this is news to me.

The other day at breakfast he calmly informs me that I was naughty. I ask him why. He told me because I did not do what he wanted the day before. There was nothing fresh about his tone or attitude. He was just "letting me know." :rolleyes:

He has also "yelled" "don't argue with me" when I indicate disagreement and will not change my mind. Another version of this is "you are not listening to my words."

He will also announce to me repeatedly in the car that he does not have a snack, having rejected the snack I offered and having been told that there will be no other choices. When repeating this fact to me he will then try to emphesis the point, so that his oh so thick headed mommy, will understand, by waveing his hands about (in the back seat) and saying "Seeeeeeee, there nothing in either hand."

We went house hunting this weekend and saw a house that was in the midst of renevation. He took one look at the mess and said "This does not sound right."

After reading Alice in Wonderland he now calls the space under his blanket "wonderland." He has also be heard to say "Im a late for an important date."

We passed a sail boat that was all decked out with christmas light the other day. He asked if it was a pirate ship.

[Jenyfer9]

Let me preface my latest story by saying that the other day we were at our church for a "live nativity". They had a donkey and other animals there, but he really only paid attention to the donkey. He KNOWS what donkeys are, he's seen them more than once.

So then today, he wanted to know where the "manger reindeer" was. When I asked him what he meant, he said "The manger reindeer, mom. You know, the DONKEY."

This is the same kid that keeps telling me that he has to go see santa when he's (Santa's) not busy at church.

[maggieb]

Yesterday I asked Helena if she wanted another baby in our family (no, I'm not pg) and she said, "No! We have enough babies in this house."

[chandy]

Sometimes when Elliot does something funny, I'll tell her she "cracks me up". Well, the other day she was playing with my brother and he was being goofy, so she said "You crap me up, Uncle Chad."

[Nikkid]

I was in a wedding and DS who was 3 1/2 at the time was sitting in the front of the church with DH and my mom. Right before the festivities were about to begin he yells out loud, "My poop is coming, my poop is coming." I'm just so glad I hadn't walked down the aisle yet so I didn't hear the story until afterwards. :o

[maggieb]

These crack me up! This really is my favorite thread...

Every night either DH or I give both of our girls a bath. Tonight was my night and as I was filling up their humidifiers in the sink, I heard my oldest (3 yrs) say to her little sister as she grabbed her face gently, "Do you know what, Rissy? I love you very, very much!" My heart just about melted.

Of course then there's the other side when she asked me at dinner tonight, "Mom, did you smell my toot just now?" Gross.

[Candy]

A few night ago I told DD the word "candy cane". She said, "candy cane", than a couple minutes later, "mommy cane".
My name is Candy. I still can't believe 22 month old DD put that together.

Lately, I'll hear her say, "That's so funny", than she starts laughing. It cracks me up!

[twinnyme]

Yesterday morning, while I was in the shower, DH said DD was making her teddy bear fake cry (she does that a lot with her dolls lately) then asking it, "what's wrong? you okay? do you want teething tablets? that will help."

She's 23 months and still teething a ton, so we use teething tablets maybe 3-4 times a week.

Also, we were visiting my family in NYC last weekend, and staying at my sister's apartment. One night she woke up in the middle of the night in bed, sat straight up, said, "what was that, mommy?" then said "it's a taxi!" (It wasn't; it was a fire engine. And it was our first night there, and we hadn't been out much but we'd been there two weeks earlier and she had taken her first taxi ride.)

[Winter Biscuit]

The other day, my 3yo DD walked up to me and was patting her chest. I asked her what she was doing and she said, "Mommy, you have little boobies and I have BIG boobies!" I have no idea where that came from! :D

Then later she saw me grab a cookie from the pantry and said in a very serious voice, "Santa is watching you, mommy."

[Renrel]

This morning DS woke up complaining that the one light I had turned on was "too much light." (Of course at bedtime there is never enough light). We start to nurse, as is our morning routine, and he does not nurse long before he starts saying no milk, no milk. I ask a few questions and apparently I had no mama's milk in my left breast this morning (which may never have happened before, but we have been weaning for about 2 mths now.) He is very put out by this and refuses to try the other side to see if that side has milk. After a long time I get him try the other side. Which was. luckily, still working. Appeased he now tells me I need to go to the store and buy more milk to fill up my other breast. I sadly had to tell him that you can't buy mama milk, and that once babies grow in to big kids their mommies stop making milk.

[Candy]

Cute Renrel. How did you keep yourself from cracking up? Some times I have such a difficult time staying composed. LOL

[lauren f s]

I'm 25/26 weeks pregnant with DS and we've decided on the name James. Last night DD ran up to me, lifted my shirt, kissed my belly and said "I love you baby James!" Made my heart melt just a bit.

[Renrel]

Lauren - Awwwwwww


Today DS, age 3, was pretending he was a baby. This consists of making soft crying sounds and wanting to be picked up alot as well as telling me things baby can and can not do. At lunch I asked him what he wanted. He told me babies can't talk so I would have to pick for him. So I asked if he would eat whatever I picked. He said yes...as long as I picked eggs. :rolleyes: Later when it was time to brush his teeth he ran to his bedroom instead of the bathroom. I asked where he was going and he told me "babies don't cooperate!" as he closed the door to his room and went to giggle on his bed. This baby has quite a vocabulary.

Oh, he built a fire house out of blocks today and added a game room. He told me the firemen would be "so pleased!"

[maggieb]

Lauren: Very sweet! Of course, Ava is a little sweetie pie! I love your little boy's name. I need to email you!!!

Today while I was making lunch I was hugging DH and I said, "This is mine." Helena said, "Where's mine?" Her daddy said she could have one when she's much, much older and she asked, "When I'm 5?" :D

During lunch she said, "Look at me, Mama. I'm licking my chops!" Where, oh where does she come up with this stuff?

[Renrel]

The other day in the car I gave my son a small broken lolly pop as we drove in the car. The kind with a safty stick and there was only the tiniest bit of a triange of candy left on the pop. He decided it looked like a flag. So he starts talking about his flag. The flag apparently was making wind in the car. Then he told us the wind turns into gas. And that the car can use this gas if it runs out of energy. I was cracking up. I am really not sure if he is aware that body gas is refered to as making wind or not, but that was of course what came to mind for me.

He also made up a new game today. I have to unwrap him and say what I wished for as a gift, then he is that gift. He really liked being a draidle. But he decided he was a talking draidle and had a lot of fun spinning around and telling me all about how to play draidle. There may actually be the makings of a children's story in his little game.

[tashaw6]

I love this thread! I don't have a child...*yet* but I still love coming here and hearing all these cute things! Thanks guys for making my day each day!

[twinnyme]

My DD now not only knows "diet Coke" but also "iced coffee." The other day she asked for a "diet coffee." :D She has also taken to asking often, "Can I have a diet Coke?" The answer is always (and will be for a LONG LONG time) no.

Hmm, I know I drink a lot of coffee, and that we have bought Diet Coke when we go grocery shopping, but I almost never drink Diet Coke in front of her (I mostly drink water in front of her) and I have never given her a sip of either....

[Renrel]

twinnyme- DS also asks for coffee, or what he calls cold coffee. His milk with just a spash of coffee for flavor. He drinks it out of a little mug. One of his great thills in life is to sit on the porch with daddy drinking coffee and watching a rain storm. :)

[twinnyme]

One of his great thills in life is to sit on the porch with daddy drinking coffee and watching a rain storm. :)

So sweet. Many years later, I think that's one of my great thrills, too - though it's even better listening to the rain while snuggled in bed.... Hmm, maybe I'll have to try a splash of coffee sometime! :)

[coquelicot]

I now have a few snippets to add from my 4-year-old niece J, whom I saw for Christmas...

While eating salad with our suppers on Christmas Eve, J said that I could only be her friend if I ate ranch dressing on my salad (mine was plain). The next day, though, someone asked her who her best friend was, and she pointed to me. Aww...

That night, she spent the night with her other aunt and uncle--my SIL and BIL. At one point, BIL, who tends to be a bit of a clown, put SIL's bra over his head like a headband and said that it was a set of earmuffs. J went over to SIL, pointed at her chest, and said, "Unh-unh, that's for these!"

[lauren f s]

Whenever it's time for Ava to take a bath, DH and I will sniff her and tell her she's stinky. She'll giggle then run to the bathroom.

Last night I was taking a shower when Ava came in, sniffed me, and told me I was stinky. After my shower she came back into the bathroom and said "Thanks for taking a shower mom. You smell good now."

[emschwar]

The other night while we were getting Noah ready for bed, we were playing the "tummy drum" (we were hitting his belly like a drum). He wanted to play the tummy drum on me, and then went to do the same to dh. He lifted up dh's shirt and said "Daddy has fur!"

[HGMorgann]

DD (22 mo.) has a Barbie doll. It sounds more like "Booby" when she says it. We were watching the Nutcracker on TV and there were about 15 ballerinas dancing. Morgann points to the t.v. and begins to repeat: "Lots of Boobies! Lots of Dancing boobies! Booby, Booby, nother one booby!" My FIL looked shocked! It took us a while to figure out that she thought the ballerinas were dancing barbies:-P

[BusyBee]

Yestersay DD (20 mos.) and daddy watched Blue’s Clues together and then he turned off the TV.
She said “Blue’s Clues, Blue’s Clues!”
He said, no, that’s enough for now.
“Blue’s Clues, Blue’s Clues!”
He said, no, not now, we’ll watch it again later.
She looked at the TV... then at him... and said, “Football?”

[Mrs. M.]

My DH was taking DD to the bathroom on an airplane. The one bathroom was very dirty, so they waited for the other one. My DH remarked "men are disgusting creatures", because a man had left the mess. Then, a man came out of the second bathroom, which was clean. DD looked up at DH and said "Daddy, that man is not a creature!"

[twinnyme]

DD was sitting in her high chair for dinner and said, "my knee is stuck." I checked, and it wasn't. She then said, "my knee is crying."

Also, we figured out a way to get DD to help clean up more. She says "MY turn" a lot these days so DH and I took "turns" with her to clean up tonight - and she did even better than we thought, saying "my turn" (with gusto) and WANTING to clean up. We had to work so hard not to laugh. It may backfire eventually, though, so I think we'll use this strategy sparingly.

Happy new year, everyone! Hopefully we'll have lots of new funny stories in 2007.

[Renrel]

DS was pretending to be a baby cat, he started saying meow meow and then switched to moo, moo. I asked him why he was saying moo and he told me that "baby" cats don't know what they are supposed to say.

DS asked me what a 10 wheel vehicle would be called. I told him a Decacycle. He told me he is going to ride a decacycle when he is 8.

We was some jugglers who used unicycles in their act. When the two of them both got on to unicycles DS says "Hey! They made a bicycle!

We saw some fireworks New Years Eve and DS said some of them were fireflys.

[maggieb]

While grocery shopping at Whole Foods, we often look for samples that they offer. It's one of Helena's biggest treats in life. Well, the other day I was cutting up veggies for soup and she comes in the kitchen and loudly requests, "Sample, please," as she's holding out her hand for some of the cut-up veggies.

[LyLMyssChaos]

Well, the holiday season brought some new additions to Madeline's library of hilariousness. My dad brought over this little doll organizer case. I knew as soon as I saw it that it was a Bratz case (which we so don't do) but I didn't say anything because I figured the case itself wasn't objectionable, but rather the dolls that are "supposed" to go in it. Well, when we opened it up, it had these dividers that had pictures of the "Little Bratz" on it, to which Madeline very loudly proclaimed "Uh-Oh Those are Bratz! We don't have those in this house!" My dad had a confused look on his face that said "huh? What is she talking about?" So I said to her "Madeline, why don't you tell Papa why we don't play with Bratz dolls." Her answer?? "Because they don't dress properly." She sounded so grown up saying that, and I couldn't help but laugh, even though she was correct. LOL