Have you left DC for a vacation?

[PalmBch2002]

DH works for a company where you can earn/win vacations and he won this quarter's trip! the last trip we took with the company was to Rome when I was 7 months pg with DD and it was amazing!! Now that he's won this next trip we have the option of France and Switzerland. These are all-inclusive vacations and everything's taken care of for us. However, we won't be taking DD (will be 14 months then). I just need to hear stories from others who have done this. I really want to go but know I will miss her sooo much! I'm a SAHM so my day is basically her. But I know this will be fun and good for DH and I. It will be for 7 days. She is BF but i'm planning on weaning at a year or just after. Anyone taken a trip away from DC like this before?

[boilermaker]

We have left DD with grandparents 3 times while we travelled (she also does overnights about once a month). First for a 3 day weekend at 7 months, for 5 days at 12months, then again for 9 days (we went to Chile) at 15 months. We are planning to leave her for a trip late this summer as well. With the exception of the first trip, we leave her with my parents. They don't see her all that often..maybe every other month. But she does great with them and they really enjoy the time with her. We were supposed to go on a trip next week and DD was going to stay with them for 6 days but I ended up moving jobs and start next week, so I am not going. My mom sure is bummed.

Oh, and I still BF. I introduced milk at 13m and she was perfectly fine with that during our Chile trip but my travelling has not hurt our BF relationship at all.

[Kanga]

7 days would be way too much for me. Dd's are currently 2 and 3.5. I haven't left them for more than 2 nights and barring some sort of family emergency, I'd probably not leave them for more than a total of 3 nights. 14 months is awfully young for a week away IMO, but to each their own.

[hub1176]

Wow, what a great opportunity!
I think I did an overnight when my youngest was that little, but if I had the opportunity to have a trip like you do, I would have went. I'm very lucky that my IL's are awesome with my children, so while I would miss them (and probably call them every night:) )I would be able to enjoy the lovely break knowing my DD's were being well cared for.
Good Luck!

[Rico'sAlice]

It's not something I would consider doing- We've been to Europe twice since J was born, but he came with us and we all had a fabulous time. SO I would most definitely go, but would bring DS and just pay for the plane ticket. There's rarely an extra charge for a child under 2 for most other things. Barring an emergency I don't intend to leave him overnight until he is old enough to request it for himself. I find that neither of us do well spending more than 8-10 hours apart at a time even if he's with DH or my mom.

But every child-mother dyad is different and you would be the one to know how your DC will handle it. Have you done overnights, 3day weekends, etc. apart before? Do you know who will watch her and that she will be comfortable with that person? If you're set that this is your plan I think the main thing will be making sure that you know that DD will be ok before you go so that you don't spend the whole time worrying about her.

[gardenmommy]

Seriously? Pack your bag and go!!!! GO!

When my DD was 21 months, DH and I went on a 3 week vacation to Europe with my parents. DD stayed with my IL's at their house which is 5 hours away. SHe had never been to their house overnight (that she can remember) and only saw those grandparents maybe every 3 months. But everyone did fantastically.

The 2 things that we did that I think helped a lot were we had ILs come to stay for 2 days before they took DD to their house so we got a chance to interact and tell DD all about the fun she was going to have, pack up her favorite things etc. We also sent along a very detailed list of what DDs daily routine is like (from what she likes to eat for breakfast to what cartoons she likes and what books at bedtime) with IL's.

And frankly everyone thought I was going ot have a hard time being away from her for that long since I'm a SAHM too and she was my life, but it was a good break, a good chance to reconnect with DH and enjoy a different pace. I also figured she would not really enjoy what we were dong so she wasn't missing anything fun for her.

I agree with Rico'sAlice that every relationship between child and parent is different, so you'll know what's right for you, but don't forget that a happy mom is important too. And you know what they say about asbence...

[mmm0708]

I wouldn't even consider it, personally. 7 days w/o either parent... no way.

[linekelei]

I'm going away for 4 nights with DH shortly after DD turns one and I'm not worried at all (she's staying with my mom and her soon-to-be husband). If I had more time off of work, I'd go away for a week! I say go and have fun. I'm assuming she'll be staying with someone you trust and she knows?

Maybe it depends on your baby's personality, but I'm not at all worried about leaving DD while we go away. I have to say that I'm surprised by some of the responses here!

[jesseybell]

We left DD for 4 nights when she was 9 months old to go on a cruise. I am a little nervous to leave the country, but she was in FL with my MIL (where the cruise left for) who I felt completely comfortable with.

I would totally do it though - who knows when the opportunity will present itself again. And friends with older kids say that it is harder to leave them when they are older (ie my friend went to Hawaii when her kids were 4 and 6 and she missed them like crazy but more because they were missing her).

Also, will you have this same opportunity if/when you have 2 children. I would never expect my MIL (who is single) to take care of 2 children on her own. So who knows when we'll get to take another vacation again.

[boilermaker]

Here's 4 old threads for you. It looks like it is about 50/50 as to those of us who are comfortable leaving our children and those who are not. I don't think either way is right or wrong, just what you are comfortable with.

http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=39334&highlight=vacation

http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=23198&highlight=vacation

http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=10378&highlight=vacation

http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=7265&highlight=vacation

[scarlett]

DH and I went to Chile for 6 days when DS was 11.5 months old. He stayed with my ILs. Everyone was fine. Now that he is 3 and DD is 14 months old, we are planning a 5-6 day trip without the kids. I can't wait.

[betsyboop]

I'd absolutely go and have no qualms about it at all.

[QUOTE=gardenmommy;1879013]And frankly everyone thought I was going ot have a hard time being away from her for that long since I'm a SAHM too and she was my life, but it was a good break, a good chance to reconnect with DH and enjoy a different pace.[QUOTE]

Yeah, I had the same experience when I tagged along with DH on a 11 day long business trip to Tokyo and Hong Kong when DD was 14 months. Honestly, it was REALLY nice to have the break from her. And it was the best 11 days of my parents' life- they still talk about what a wonderful time they all had together!

I'm with linekelei, I'm a little surprised as some of the responses here as well! Maybe it has to do with people's comfort level with the people who they'd have to leave their kid with??

[jennylou]

I think a lot of it depends upon your childcare while you're gone. There is no one that I'm comfortable leaving my kids with (and I wouldn't leave the youngest right now at all). My ILs can't do three hours without calling for us. My mom is in Montana and is a nervous nellie around kids. My step mom I would do a weekend, but I don't think longer than that - not because I don't doubt that she'd be perfectly capable with them, but because there are too many people in and out of her house (people = relatives) and my dad drinks way too much and I'm not comfortable with that. I will say, however, that it's sort of a moot point, since they're in CA and we're in OH. Sometimes, I do wish that we were closer - I know she's great with my kids and would handle them fine so that DH and I could have a night out without being called!

[PinkMartini]

I'm with linekelei, I'm a little surprised as some of the responses here as well! Maybe it has to do with people's comfort level with the people who they'd have to leave their kid with??

I think that might have some to do with some of the answers.

There is no way I'd leave my kids alone without either my DH or I there for more than a day or 2 - at the most. The longest my DS has been away from me was 24 hours when I was in the hospital having my DD and the longest my DD has been away from me was 6 hours while I was out shopping. No way, no how at this age. Especially out of the country (where God Forbid something happen and you have a several hour (or even a day) long flight home).

My discomfort probably does have something to do with who would be watching them. My ILs would never offer for that long (hell, they have problems watching them for my DH & I to go to dinner :rolleyes:) and the longest I'd be comfortable with my mom watching them would be 2 or 3 days. Definitely not a week!

Good luck! I know even if I did have someone I trusted to watch them for a week, my own longing for them would surely outweigh any fun I could/would have.

[PookiePrincess]

Two things would factor into this decision: my child's temperament and who I'm leaving her with.

My daughter is very attached to me and would be miserable without me for 7 days. I've never spent the night away from her. Then again, I don't have anyone I'd leave her with overnight. My ILs are the only ones near us and they've seen my daughter a total of 6 times in her entire life and never when I wasn't there. My MIL doesn't instill in me a lot of confidence in her ability to care for a small child, though I know she would deal.

It's all what your own personal comfort level is. If you're comfortable with it and your child will be able to handle it, then go for it. I just know at this point, I wouldn't.

[Allegra]

I wouldn't even consider it, personally. 7 days w/o either parent... no way.

yup I agree. Mine is 4 years old and we still haven't left her overnight without one of us. :D

[mmm0708]

I'm with linekelei, I'm a little surprised as some of the responses here as well! Maybe it has to do with people's comfort level with the people who they'd have to leave their kid with??

For me, it has nothing to do with having or not having someone close and/or trustworthy to leave my kids with. Leaving my kids to take a vacation just isn't something I would consider, especially for so long and out of the country and at such a young age.

My kids are 2 and almost 4. I don't even know if I would consider a weekend getaway. Maybe overnight... not sure unless the situation presented itself. It's a personal choice and depends on your comfort level. Just the thought is out of my comfort zone.

But, it has nothing to do with a lack of childcare. (because that wouldn't be an issue, if it was something I HAD to do) Nothing.

[Kanga]

For me, it has nothing to do with having or not having someone close and/or trustworthy to leave my kids with. Leaving my kids to take a vacation just isn't something I would consider, especially for so long and out of the country and at such a young age.

My kids are 2 and almost 4. I don't even know if I would consider a weekend getaway. Maybe overnight... not sure unless the situation presented itself. It's a personal choice and depends on your comfort level. Just the thought is out of my comfort zone.

But, it has nothing to do with a lack of childcare. (because that wouldn't be an issue, if it was something I HAD to do) Nothing.

Same here. I'm a SAHM aside from working a few evenings and weekends when dh can be home with the kids. Both sets of grandparents live an hour away and see them frequently. They've also both had the kids on plenty of overnights. Maybe it's just me but I don't really get why anyone would want to be separated from their kids for a week. I can't even wrap my head around not seeing them for 3 weeks, even if they were left with dh. Maybe when they get older I'll want to, but for now, a morning to sleep in here and there is more than enough.

[boilermaker]

I could reply with a pretty snarky answer to that. It's just a different parenting and in general, living style.

I can understand why you wouldn't leave your child. And I don't agree with it at all, for a variety of reasons. But I also know that those are MY thoughts and others will disagree 100%.

But to say you don't even understand why I would leave my child is kind of offensive. I can still love my child and treasure my time with her even if I do take time each year to reconnect with my husband, to enjoy non-child related activies, to be a woman and a wife vs a mom 24/7 while knowing that my child is in very capable, loving hands and is having a wonderful time playing with her grandparents and cousins. DH and I are still our own individuals and for us, it is very important to be able to continue our pre-child interests. We would not be happy with our lives if we didn't. I didn't give up my self when I became a mom, I just expanded my love and my role and my identity. But I have to nuture all aspects of that. And travel helps me do that. We're not totally selfish. We used to travel at least once a month and with DD, we've cut that back to 4-5 trips a year, not incl grandparent visits. And one of those, we take sans child.

[dizylizy]

GO! your baby will be fine! And so will you! What an oppurtunity not to be missed!

We (Dh & I) went on a 5th Anniv trip for 7 days to Mexico the last fall. DS#1 was 3 and DS#2 was 15 months. They did great! no problems what so ever. They loved playing wat G&G's. We do see G&G about twice a month so they know them. DS#2 was a little clingy when we got back but only for a day. Then he was back to making us crazy. ;) DS#1 has spent time away from us. He spent a month with G&G before we had DS#2 as we were moving, didn't have day care and were super busy. So he was really used to them. Both of my boys are very easy going, go with the flow types. we sent lots of info on foods, schedule, books, activities. No need, they ate better and slept better for G'ma then they do for us. It was a great break and we can't wait to do it again for our 10th anniv. we decided when we got married to always go away w/out kids for big Anniv.

[betsyboop]

I could reply with a pretty snarky answer to that. It's just a different parenting and in general, living style.

I can understand why you wouldn't leave your child. And I don't agree with it at all, for a variety of reasons. But I also know that those are MY thoughts and others will disagree 100%.

But to say you don't even understand why I would leave my child is kind of offensive. I can still love my child and treasure my time with her even if I do take time each year to reconnect with my husband, to enjoy non-child related activies, to be a woman and a wife vs a mom 24/7 while knowing that my child is in very capable, loving hands and is having a wonderful time playing with her grandparents and cousins. DH and I are still our own individuals and for us, it is very important to be able to continue our pre-child interests. We would not be happy with our lives if we didn't. I didn't give up my self when I became a mom, I just expanded my love and my role and my identity. But I have to nuture all aspects of that. And travel helps me do that. We're not totally selfish. We used to travel at least once a month and with DD, we've cut that back to 4-5 trips a year, not incl grandparent visits. And one of those, we take sans child.

Yeah, that.

[lil_geek]

DD and I hadn't been apart save for one night when I went back to work at a year.... well my second and fourth weeks back I had to attend training in another city. The one week my DH ALSO had work commitments. So DD spent the week at Grammy's.

They both had a blast, DD didn't seem to miss me at all and actually picked up a lot of stuff being with a different caregiver!

Me: I missed her, but was busy (as would be on vacation as well) and the time FLEW! And walking into the house on the Friday afternoon gave me the biggest rush because she was SO happy to see me!



We are going on vacation without DD in May and I am looking forward to 4 days of being 'me' over 'mommy'!

[gardenmommy]

I want to ask those of you who say no, you would not even consider it, particularly those who have reliable childcare, why not? I could sit and speculate as to what you mean and why you would choose not to go but I'd rather hear from you your real reasons.

I guess I'm in the camp of those surprised by how many people say no way.

[Mrs.Chappy]

we've been away several times..when it was just DS1 it was easy. We just spent the weekend in London.two weeks ago...it took a lot of planning w/ the childcare and i was nervous leaving them both (it was in our house)..a week prior, i emailed a four page WORD doc. to my parents and his mom on how to take care of them...food, bed-time routine...etc

all our parents 'laughed' but when it came down to it, his mom totally freaked out (and our nanny was there during one of the days w/ her)..my parents also started askign tons of questions...i just referred them to the 'manual'. Between the three parents, they raised 5 kids (four boys and a girl).i imagined they coudl deal w/ two boys. I left and felt great about leaving them...his mom stayed two nights then my parents stayed one

i came back to two sick kids

and all the grandparents tied up in the basement.....JK!

seriously....if you have the opportunity...leave 'em..you will be a better parent for it!

[Mrs.Chappy]

adding..Garden mommy..i'm with you!!

i also think its better for the marriage to get away alone..there was a story on the Today show not too long ago about this.

[wine_o_girlie]

I completely agree with boilermaker and gardenmommy. My son is 2 and we've done numerous trip with and without him, varying lengths between an overnight and a week long trip. We actually leave next week for a week long vacation in the Caribbean and my son will be splitting his time between two grandparents. I.cannot.wait. I am almost 6 months preggo and literally almost as soon as I found out I was pregnant planning a trip sans toddler/pre-new baby was a major "to-do" item. :cool:

My son's relationship with his grandparents is amazing. He is 110% comfortable with them and I think it's because he spends so much time with them both with us around and without us around. I was always very close with my grandparents and an aunt/uncle growing up and it's because we did many an overnight visit with them regularly. I treasure that relationship today as a very precious gift (especially because my mom passed away at a youngish age) and want that for my son(s).

Palm, go on your trip and enjoy yourself! :)

[SiValleySteph]

Do you think maybe it's a little different if you're a SAHM? Since I WOH, I'm "me" and not "mommy" 5 days a week. I eat lunch with my friends, etc. So it's usually I enjoy being mommy the rest of the time and we enjoy family vacations. (My older son has been to China 2x, Hawaii 2x, etc, both kids have been to Mexico, SoCal, etc.)

Even so, I would like a night or two away once in a while. We may go overnight in July. It's harder to arrange for us because we have no family where we live, so we have to fly someone out or plan something when we're visiting them. So far, we've only done one night away with my older son (well, and when my younger was born, so 2 nights then).

Now that my older son is 4-1/2, we're discussing how to get him to grandmas for a longer visit by himself. Both sets of grandparents would love to have him visit, but I don't think we're ready to just put him on a plane by himself (if that's even allowed).

FWIW - we had very close relationships with my grandparents, but we never stayed with them by ourselves because we lived a 14 hour drive away, so we all drove up together twice a year for a week at a time. We never flew since there were 6 of us... it wasn't like these days. :p

Anyways, what I'm trying to say is that there isn't a right or wrong here. Like all parenting issues, it can be hard to see the other side because usually you do what feels right to you and when it feels so right, it is difficult to see how it feels wrong for others.

So have fun!

[Pine Tree]

This thread has made me feel so much better about leaving my DD. I have this wonderful opportunity through work to go abroad for a a week to do research in a few months, but have been really hesitant about leaving her. There's no childcare issue since DH won't be going, it's just weird to think about being apart.

Thank you to everyone for posting their experiences and thoughts.

[boilermaker]

Do you think maybe it's a little different if you're a SAHM? Since I WOH, I'm "me" and not "mommy" 5 days a week. I eat lunch with my friends, etc. So it's usually I enjoy being mommy the rest of the time and we enjoy family vacations.


I WOH 3 days a week, so I still get that. And I love being mommy on the days I am off. And we love family vacations too (we take 2-3 a year..DD has been on more flights than many adults I know). But I still like time with my husband and friends and sisters.

I agree with you 100% that there is no right or wrong!

Pinetree, I went to Europe last year with my sisters and DD stayed home with DH. I didn't even mention that one in my list since I figured it was just normal. Her routine stayed the same and they had a great time.

[Chimichanga]

Have fun on the trip!!! :D

My DD is 2.5 and I've left her several times. I'm a WOHM and while I do have that option of having "me" time, I barely see DH as he works 3rd shift and is a SAHD during the day.

My parents have offered to take DD for a week at a time every six months or so. The first time they took her she was - I'd say 3 months old. It broke my heart because I missed her so much. But it was nice to reconnect with DH.

I went on a girls only vacation for a week, so DH stayed with her, but I still missed them both like crazy. Since then DD has gone by my parents for several weeks (not at a time) and it has been such a blessing! I love my DD, but I also like my quiet time, my time with DH and my time with our dogs - who get very neglected when DD is around.

[BusyBee21]

From a parent who was hesitant to go on a three day vaca w/o DS, I say "GO!!!" What a tremendous opportunity for you, and like others, for your DC to bond with someone other than you. I think it will be great for your marriage, great for you, AND DC.

FWIW, I WOHM. I had a hard time "justifying" me leaving DS for a couple of nights, because, hey, I already get my "me" time at work, right? Yeah, notsomuch. I work when I am at work (except when posting here :p) and am constantly responsible to SOMEONE, either my boss, or my child. It is never about me. And DH gets me for the one hour per night btwn when DS goes to bed and I go to bed--that's really not a lot of time to spend with your beloved. To go on a long vacation with your DH would be wonderful. Go for it! :)

[Grenouille]

For me, it has nothing to do with having or not having someone close and/or trustworthy to leave my kids with. Leaving my kids to take a vacation just isn't something I would consider, especially for so long and out of the country and at such a young age.

My kids are 2 and almost 4. I don't even know if I would consider a weekend getaway. Maybe overnight... not sure unless the situation presented itself. It's a personal choice and depends on your comfort level. Just the thought is out of my comfort zone.

But, it has nothing to do with a lack of childcare. (because that wouldn't be an issue, if it was something I HAD to do) Nothing.

Ditto. My kids are 3 and 5 and I haven't left them overnight and have no desire to do so. We are a family and we go on vacation as a family. I grew up with parents who vacationed without us, and it was traumatic. I never said anything about it to my parents but it was horrible for me. I wouldn't do that to my kids, it just doesn't seem fair. And I would spend the entire time worrying about all of the things that could go wrong.

[mmm0708]

Different parenting. Different choices. Different comfort levels.

While some of you might not understand why I wouldn't go, I don't understand why anyone would. It seems selfish and self indulgent to me. (just being honest)

Being a parent is the most selfless thing I've ever done... by choice. I would choose to stay home with my kids. I can't even fathom them being away from me at night... and I don't even want to think about how they might feel.

I agree - it's extremely important to stay true to yourself and stay connected with your spouse after having children. I agree 100%. I just don't feel the need to go away for extended periods of time to do so. I'd rather recharge myself and connect with my husband EVERY DAY, with and without the kids around, than cram it all into a few weeks a year.

I strongly believe that children, especially very young ones, need their parents (at least one) around to feel safe and secure. I don't care how much fun they're having in your absence. They need you, whether you realize it or not. I imagine it could be quite traumatic for a child who can't fully rationalize the absence. Again, just my opinion.

On the flip side, I'm shocked how many are saying GO! I don't understand. I don't want to. These are my choices. I'm quite comofortable with them. I don't care who does or doesn't agree.

[lilo]

I am a little surprised too on how many people have said, "No way!" but hey, each their own.

My own opinion is to definitely go and enjoy your trip! I don't think 7 days away from your DC is an excessive amount of time away in the realm of things and as a PP said, who knows when the next time will be when you'll get this opportunity! My parents traveled with us around Europe when we were young, but I hardly remember any of it and it's just not the same.

I'm a WOHM and don't know if I agree with the notion of getting "me time" during the week since I am working during the day with constant demands on my attention, it's just different IMO. Regardless, I have no qualms about leaving my DS with my mom who lives very close and see DS all the time. We have only left DS for a weekend so far but that's only because we haven't had a opportunity like the one you have!

Pack your bags and enjoy your trip! :)

[SiValleySteph]

I'm a WOHM and don't know if I agree with the notion of getting "me time" during the week since I am working during the day with constant demands on my attention, it's just different IMO.

I didn't say I was getting "me time", I said I was me and not mommy. :) Not exactly the same thing. Identitywise I am not mommy at work.

[BTB]

I want to ask those of you who say no, you would not even consider it, particularly those who have reliable childcare, why not?

Well, I'm not one of those who wouldn't even consider it. I'd definitely think about it, but TBH, in the end I'd probably decide to bring the kids along, if the trip in question was longer than 3 or 4 days.

There's no question that either my mom or DH's parents would take fantastic care of the kids, hell, either side might just do a better job than we do.

I guess what I'd be uncomfortable with is the idea that getting away from the kids for a week is necessary to getting 'me' time, to connecting with DH, and to recharging - like I can't relax or have fun if my kids are around. I truly think I do all those things on a semi-regular basis without an extended absence. And to need them to be away from me to do things that are essential to me - well, it would seem to me that then I haven't fully "integrated" into being a parent, somehow. When DD was a baby, I asked a mom in her playgroup who'd been gone the week before how her vacation was. And she said "it wasn't a vacation. it was a trip." I looked at her, and she continued "we took (son) with us, so it was no vacation. We go on vacation next month, when we leave him with my parents and go to Costa Rica". I thought that was kind of sad, for her to feel that way. I'm not sure I can explain any better why.

I had a lot of time in my life to be rootless, to travel, etc before I had kids, and know that someday my kids will be older and I'll do those things again. It's actually a small window in my life when my kids are young.

Again, it's not that I wouldn't consider it. It's just that, in the end, I think I'd decide against it. Or, maybe it's just that I'd be nervous I wouldn't want to come back. ;)

[linekelei]

Different parenting. Different choices. Different comfort levels.

While some of you might not understand why I wouldn't go, I don't understand why anyone would. It seems selfish and self indulgent to me. (just being honest)

Being a parent is the most selfless thing I've ever done... by choice. I would choose to stay home with my kids. I can't even fathom them being away from me at night... and I don't even want to think about how they might feel.

I agree - it's extremely important to stay true to yourself and stay connected with your spouse after having children. I agree 100%. I just don't feel the need to go away for extended periods of time to do so. I'd rather recharge myself and connect with my husband EVERY DAY, with and without the kids around, than cram it all into a few weeks a year.

I strongly believe that children, especially very young ones, need their parents (at least one) around to feel safe and secure. I don't care how much fun they're having in your absence. They need you, whether you realize it or not. I imagine it could be quite traumatic for a child who can't fully rationalize the absence. Again, just my opinion.

On the flip side, I'm shocked how many are saying GO! I don't understand. I don't want to. These are my choices. I'm quite comofortable with them. I don't care who does or doesn't agree.

And see, I'm on the other side of the coin because I think that not wanting to get away from your kids with your DH for at least a few nights is crazy!!! :) I WOHM part-time, but like some of the other moms on here, when I'm at work I'm at work-I have to answer to clients, partners, etc., so there is little "me" time involved. My DH has been ill lately, and so every minute I spend at home is doing something with or for DD, taking care of DH, or taking care of our dogs. So as much as I love DD, I wouldn't hesitate to get away with just DH for a few nights (which we are doing). DD is very independent (part of it is her personality, and part of it is because she goes to daycare 3 days a week).

Also, just based on my own personal experience, I don't want to be the mom that never has time away from her kids. This obviously doesn't apply to all SAHMs, but my mom was a SAHM, did nothing but spend her life taking care of me and my siblings, being our Girl Scout troop leader, taking us to after-school activities, volunteering in classrooms, always going on family vacations, never having alone time with my dad, etc., and a few years ago she went through a major midlife crisis after my dad died and all the kids had left the nest. My mom's entire life was taking care of her kids and once that was gone, she went off the deep end for several years. She basically had no idea how to live her life or what to do with herself once she wasn't raising kids anymore (and she's admitted as much). Therefore, it's really important to me to be able to nurture my relationship with DH and have my own sense of self.

I'm comfortable with leaving DD. I think she will have a better and happier childhood for it. But, just my opinion. :)

[Dally]

I SO relate to this:

I WOHM. I had a hard time "justifying" me leaving DS for a couple of nights, because, hey, I already get my "me" time at work, right? Yeah, notsomuch. I work when I am at work (except when posting here ) and am constantly responsible to SOMEONE, either my boss, or my child. It is never about me. And DH gets me for the one hour per night btwn when DS goes to bed and I go to bed--that's really not a lot of time to spend with your beloved.
My "me time" is stuffed in minutes at home when DD is asleep. Unfortunately, I usually have to spend it doing the dishes or something like that!

I think this is one of those issues where you have to factor in the temperment of your child, your own comfort level, and your child care. For me, I have no one (save DH!) who would take my DD overnight. I believe she'd be fine with my stepmom for a night, but my stepmom won't do it (even though she cares for her one day a week). So, DH and I have not had an overnight away from DD since she was born. I think a weekend away would be nice, but I'm OK with it not being in the cards. I probably wouldn't personally take longer than that because I think DD would have a hard time of it. She's still very dependent on me and attached to me (she can and has been away from DH for several nights at a time). I already feel bad enough that we are not together when I'm working. Also, for me personally, I'd have trouble being far away from DD. If something went wrong, I'd want to be able to get back to her quickly. That's just the way I feel.

So, in your situation, I'd take DC with me. I think that'd be fun.

But I think you could go either way. You know what will work for your family.

[gardenmommy]

I grew up with parents who vacationed without us, and it was traumatic. I never said anything about it to my parents but it was horrible for me. I wouldn't do that to my kids, it just doesn't seem fair. And I would spend the entire time worrying about all of the things that could go wrong.



Being a parent is the most selfless thing I've ever done... by choice. I would choose to stay home with my kids. I can't even fathom them being away from me at night... and I don't even want to think about how they might feel.

I agree - it's extremely important to stay true to yourself and stay connected with your spouse after having children. I agree 100%. I just don't feel the need to go away for extended periods of time to do so. I'd rather recharge myself and connect with my husband EVERY DAY, with and without the kids around, than cram it all into a few weeks a year.

I strongly believe that children, especially very young ones, need their parents (at least one) around to feel safe and secure. I don't care how much fun they're having in your absence. They need you, whether you realize it or not. I imagine it could be quite traumatic for a child who can't fully rationalize the absence. Again, just my opinion.



I guess what I'd be uncomfortable with is the idea that getting away from the kids for a week is necessary to getting 'me' time, to connecting with DH, and to recharging - like I can't relax or have fun if my kids are around. I truly think I do all those things on a semi-regular basis without an extended absence. And to need them to be away from me to do things that are essential to me - well, it would seem to me that then I haven't fully "integrated" into being a parent, somehow. When DD was a baby, I asked a mom in her playgroup who'd been gone the week before how her vacation was. And she said "it wasn't a vacation. it was a trip." I looked at her, and she continued "we took (son) with us, so it was no vacation. We go on vacation next month, when we leave him with my parents and go to Costa Rica". I thought that was kind of sad, for her to feel that way. I'm not sure I can explain any better why.

I had a lot of time in my life to be rootless, to travel, etc before I had kids, and know that someday my kids will be older and I'll do those things again. It's actually a small window in my life when my kids are young.

Again, it's not that I wouldn't consider it. It's just that, in the end, I think I'd decide against it. Or, maybe it's just that I'd be nervous I wouldn't want to come back. ;)

Very interesting. Thanks for being honest. I find these kind of discussions fascinating, particularly when they deal with family dynamics. I'm a firm believer that the way people are raised (for better or for worse) has an enormous impact on their adult lives, and we would all likely be different people had we been raised by different parents or in a different part of the world.

I know my opinions are based on my life experiences and that's why I appreciate your honesty in sharing your position.

[E&O]

I asked a mom in her playgroup who'd been gone the week before how her vacation was. And she said "it wasn't a vacation. it was a trip." I looked at her, and she continued "we took (son) with us, so it was no vacation. We go on vacation next month, when we leave him with my parents and go to Costa Rica". I thought that was kind of sad, for her to feel that way. I'm not sure I can explain any better why.


So, yeah that was kind of blunt thing for her to say, and maybe she could have worded that better....but at the same time I see the point she is trying to make. You have to admit that there is a big difference between a trip where you are free to relax in the sun, read a good book and totally recharge your batteries, as opposed to a trip where every five minutes you are pulling a child back from the water, rummaging through your bag for snacks or drinks or dealing with a tired child meltdown.

We do a yearly family vacation to the beach, but other than that we don't do a whole lot of traveling. It really wouldn't be a question for us being away from the kids for a long period of time (can't get DH to step away from work that long:rolleyes:). We do a few long weekends and don't have a problem letting the kids (2.5 and 11 months) have that time to be spoiled by the g-parents. And I'm always anxious and itching to get them back when we do.

I also wanted to add this and I really, honetly am not trying to be a smart-ass or rude when I say this so I hope it does not come off as such. A number of posters have said things along the lines of "I couldn't leave DC even over night, she/he would never be OK without me." And I just have to ask... have you ever given them the chance to be apart from you? They may never be OK without you if they are not given the opportunity. They might surprise you!

[BTB]

You have to admit that there is a big difference between a trip where you are free to relax in the sun, read a good book and totally recharge your batteries

Aha - maybe here's where the difference lies. Maybe it's about what "recharges" you. I love to read, I love the beach, but I honestly found taking DD to Nickolodeon Universe last winter "totally recharging". We were together all day long, we did new things, we were silly, someone else cooked dinner, it was great.

"Introverts" recharge by being alone. To them a night with the house to themselves sounds heavenly. "Extroverts" recharge by being with people. To them a night with the house to themselves sounds dull. Perhaps likewise, there are people who "recharge" by being with their kids, but without household chores and the regular daily routine, and then people who need to do just 'adult' stuff to recharge.

[mmm0708]

Very interesting. Thanks for being honest. I find these kind of discussions fascinating, particularly when they deal with family dynamics. I'm a firm believer that the way people are raised (for better or for worse) has an enormous impact on their adult lives, and we would all likely be different people had we been raised by different parents or in a different part of the world.

I know my opinions are based on my life experiences and that's why I appreciate your honesty in sharing your position.

I couldn't agree more. I think my own childhood has a lot to do with the way I choose to raise my children. Without living my life, I don't expect anyone to understand. (I definitely came from the "for worse" camp.)


A number of posters have said things along the lines of "I couldn't leave DC even over night, she/he would never be OK without me." And I just have to ask... have you ever given them the chance to be apart from you? They may never be OK without you if they are not given the opportunity. They might surprise you!

I have no doubts that my kids would be just fine overnight. I did say, originally, that I would consider an overnight getaway (most likely) but no more. My biggest hang ups are the distance away (another country?) and the length of the trip. Overnight, my son would be fine. No doubt. I don't know about my daughter. I haven't had a reason to test it. They don't need to be anywhere, and neither do I. When they're old enough to tell me that they're okay with it, and fully understand what it means, then fine. As of right now, they're not in that place.... so it's a non-issue.

[PalmBch2002]

Ok so we made a decision and that's to seperate. I'm going to stay home with DD and DH is going to bring DD's godfather and her godmother is going to come to stay with me for the week. Kinda a guys/girls week. We're going to head over to Myrtle Beach and they're going to go to France :p Kinda seems unfair I know but honestly, I'm a beach girl so I'm really looking forward to it.

We came upon this decision by just sitting down and talking pros/cons. Our #1 thing was, if we leave her then who will watch her. And that convo narrowed it down. We don't live close to any family and can't trust either sets of our parents. We have one couple here that's like family but when we really thought about it - a whole week was a lot to ask of them. Esp since DD's not STTN totally yet and will have just transitioned from nursing. Plus if we left her and *something happened, it would be a looooong flight back. it was just too long of a timeframe. So then we talked about taking her with us, and decided that was out. It would just be too stressful on me in another country. And like PP friend said - more like a trip than vacation cause like E&O explained it, you wouldn't really get to just sit back and enjoy.

So since DH was the one who has worked his rear off to get it, I honestly believe that he should be able to go an enjoy himself! I encouraged him to take a friend and then his friend's wife can come vacation with me! It's turned out to be a win-win and now I'm really looking to some good girl time! And a couple nights while she's here I'll prob get a little crazy and even get a babysitter for a couple fun child-free nights out ;)

I can see where people are saying go and then some saying no way. It's all in the parenting differences and it's totally what makes each person who they are.

[mmm0708]

The compromise you came up with sounds great. That's probably exactly what my hubby and I would have done, if faced with a similar situation.

[BTB]

What an awesome solution! Kudos to you guys. I hope you both have a great time!

[Rico'sAlice]

I have 100% trust in my mom taking care of DS. If it were necessary for a week, a month, the rest of his life. I am comfortable with her discipline style, food served, etc. While she doesn't do everything exactly as I do, I am just so comfortable and confident when he is with her. I have had to leave him with her for ~10 hours a number of times.
But while he is "totally fine" for 3-4 hours, and "mostly ok" for 8 or so hours, after that he is not happy.
As far as the no overnight thing- My DS still nurses several times during the night so that may be part of it too. DH, my mom, brother, etc. can get DS to fall asleep during the day/evening but when he wakes up in the middle of the night he is pretty much inconsolable until I come and nurse him. And we've had times where we sort-of "tested" that- like I was at a late meeting down the street or something. And he will cry for over an hour being rocked and held by DH. And they have a fabulous relationship! In the daytime he always prefers hanging out with daddy. But at night it's all mama. (I can get him to go back to sleep w/o nursing 1/2 the time)

But the bottom line is I have absolutely zero desire to spend long periods of time away from DS. Sure, after a long day I am thrilled when DH comes home and I have 20min, an hour, etc. w/o him clinging to me. It's great to get a couple hours here and there to go to the salon, go clothes shopping, have an uninterrupted conversation with another adult etc.
But anytime I've had to be away more than I few hours I genuinely miss him. And no that isn't b/c I don't have any other friends, or my life is empty, or anything like that. For me it's like when I met DH- I wanted to include him in nearly all aspects of my life b/c I enjoyed them more with him around.
Around Christmas DH & I went out to dinner alone for 4 hours or so (included walking on the boardwalk and stuff) and the entire time we kept thinking Oh, DS would have loved to see that! Oh, DS would have enjoyed this risotto!" etc.
Maybe it depends on what sorts of things you like to do? And how easily your child adapts to them? Since J has been born I can't thing of a single thing that I wanted to do and had to say no b/c of him. But he does love being in a sling and will nap anywhere if I'm around.
Concert? Sure, bring him in the sling wearing his safety headphones. Going to 6 Flags? Yeah, we just bring my brother and his GF and take turns doing stuff with DS/going on grownup roller coasters. For me that's way more fun than leaving DS home with my brother and spending the whole day there with just DH.
Or maybe it depends on your DH as well? Since the beach thing would work out really easily for me since DH is pretty active and would keep J busy for 2/3 of the time while I relaxed and read and then I would play with J while he went swimming out deep.
When we went to Europe we did incorporate certain activities specifically for his enjoyment that we wouldn't have done on our own. But we still managed to do/see everything we wanted to for ourselves. If we wanted to go to a museum that might have been boring for him or w/ too many breakables we just timed it to go when he was getting tired and I would strap him on my back (or DH's) and DS would sleep while I enjoyed looking.

None of this is to say that everyone should do it that way. But I honestly can't find anyway in which I could have possibly enjoyed myself more by not bringing him.

But as soon as DS is requesting overnights with Grandma or a friend (from a trusted family) I won't hesitate to say yes. Even though I might miss him I totally recognize the importance of giving him that independence. But until he indicates that he wants that I won't force it on him.

[allyray231]

I agree that as a couple you need time away from your kids as long as you have someone to watch them that you feel good about. We have been away from my DS a few times-some where overnights and one was a weekend. To be honest I would love to go away for 2 or 3 days but I can't really afford that right now.

However, I can't imagine going away for weeks at a time. To me that is just too long for both the caregiver and my son. I could probably do 5 days and feel ok about it

[BusyBee21]

PalmBeach, I am glad that you and DH came up with a solution--sounds like everyone will have a wonderful time! :)

[SD601]

Great solution!

I wasn't going to comment on taking the trip or not, but one thing I wanted to point out is that even if you are planning on weaning at year, it can still often take a couple months to completely. I would hate for you to be uncomfortable or pumping on your "you" trip, you know? Or have to worry that your DD is still wanting mommy's milk.

I hope you still get some relaxing "you" time. I went from a mom who never spent more than a hour or so away from DS (he seemed to always want to nurse--kid finally weaned at three, thank goodness) to just wanting a break at about age two. We took our first overnight then (and he was fine) and have since taken a couple more--and they've been wonderful! We take lots of family vacations, too, but a night away (or several) with your hubby can be fabulous--shoot, where's that winking smilie?

And away from him more than a week? I just feel bad for the person taking care of him! I think that's what might stop me the most--I might only wish that on my enemies...okay, my kid's not that bad, but it's a tough job.

[PookiePrincess]

I guess age is the major difference for me and some of you who have said to just go and have fun.

The OP's child will be 14 months for the trip, which is almost how old my daughter is (minus a couple of weeks). There is no way I could leave her for an entire week at this age. She wouldn't understand that I'm going on vacation and that I'd be back, she's just too young to get it. As it is now, when DH gets her from daycare, she scours the house looking for me if she's missing me and cries until I get home. Now, if she was 3 or 4 and understood more, was actually verbal and I could talk on the phone with her, that would be an entirely different story. Though I still think I wouldn't be able to do an entire 7 days away.

[marchfamily]

The OP's child will be 14 months for the trip

Almost the exact same age my DD1 was when we went to Ireland for a week. She was fine. We were fine (I was 6-7M pregnant with DD2). I'm very glad we went.

[boilermaker]

I went to Europe w/ my sisters when DD was 14m while she stayed with DH, then our Chile trip was at 15m. Both time, perfectly fine.

I find it interesting that everyone who says NO has never done it. I don't think there has been a single poster who has taken a trip sans child and regretted it. Just something to consider...

[PookiePrincess]

I didn't say other people don't leave their kids at 14 months. Just that at this point in time, I couldn't do it in my situation. I have a child who is very attached to me and she wouldn't understand being away from me. But like I said before, if I had my family nearby (my parents) I wouldn't hesitate to go away for a couple of days. It sounds like the OP is in a similar situation...no one really that she would be comfortable leaving her child with for an entire week while she's overseas.

[TracyDP]

It really does depend on the child and parent dynamic I think (and the childs own personality). My DD is 18m now and we started with overnights at G&Gs when she was 3m old (she was formula fed so BF wasn't an issue). Now at 18m she LOVES Nana and Papa and their kitties, and any time I tell her we are going there she grabs her coat and says "bye bye! Nana! Papa!".

This became important last Christmas when I got very sick and ended up in the hospital for almost 3 weeks with major surgery and an infection. DH had to work and spend time in the hospital with me (along with major weird weather here in Oregon and a landslide that stranded him at our house for 3 days...it was CRAZY). Through all of this DD was able to stay at Nana and Papa's house without it being a major issue. It was 2 weeks before I was alert and OK enough for her to come see me, and she was a little weirded out about it. At 15m old I think she figured she was just going to be with N & P for good. It was hard on all of us, and I'm sure she was stressed out over it but I can't imagine how much worse it would have been for her if she was not already comfortable with N & P and staying at their house.

As for leaving her for vacations, we have only left her for 3 nights at this point (aside from the fri-sat nights at N & P's). The other vacations we have taken she has come with us. If we were to leave for a week or more (which I would do) I would have my friend Christy come to our house and watch her here. She LOVES her Aunt Christy and on the 3 night vacation we took DD didn't even seem to notice we were gone. Christy has been a part of DD's life since birth (literally...it was Christy holding one leg and DH holding the other...;)) and DD thinks she is the bomb so I would not hesitate to leave her with Christy especially at our house where she has "home" around her.

In fact, we are planning a 4 night trip in August to go to Vancouver BC and Seattle (to see Depeche Mode). Taking an almost 2 year old to a concert isn't an option so we figure she will have more fun at home with Christy and we will have more fun on our own. We have a tentative plan to go to Hawaii next year (if finances allow it) but we plan on bringing DD AND Christy with us...Christy wasn't exactly adverse to the idea of a free trip to Hawaii in exchange for being our "nanny" for a week...lol.

[wine_o_girlie]

I find it interesting that everyone who says NO has never done it. I don't think there has been a single poster who has taken a trip sans child and regretted it. Just something to consider...

Good point! I wonder if anyone has taken a trip sans child and regretted it. I know I haven't! :) Sure I thought about my son but I knew he was being very well taken care of so I just turned over on my beach lounger, gave a wink to my husband that made promises of good things to come, and ordered another daiquiri. ;)

[Marisa]

I would say NO, and I have taken a trip without my child. I think it's a little condescending to imply that we just don't know what we're missing or something. Just the same as it's condescending for anyone to imply that you who vacation solo are missing something in the parenting department.

When my first son was two, I went away with some girlfriends. DS1 was home with my husband and obviously well cared for. I was gone for three days.

I had a good time on my trip, and I'm not sorry I went, but it wasn't my idea of the MOST FUN EVER. Mostly I did it because it would have been a logistical nightmare to fly the whole family out, and I really wanted to see my friends. But a few ladies who had newborns had their little ones with them (there was babysitting set up for the evening we went out) and it made me realize that as much as I love "me" time, I prefer it in smaller doses, mixed in with doses of "kid' time as well. :)

Anyway, Joey was just over 2 at the time (about a year older than the OP's baby) and that would probably be the youngest I'd consider leaving (and that's with dad). I was able to talk to him on the phone each day. I was still nursing, but I was able to pump only a couple of times a day and that was enough. Mostly, I wanted him to have reached the stage of brain development where I knew he'd see me leaving, but be confident that I would return again.

My marriage has not suffered from lack of vacations with just grownups, IMO. So I get my beer from the fridge and wink at my husband from the couch -- it's cheaper, anyway! ;) And besides, we have two kids now... so something must be working! ;)

[boilermaker]

It wasn't meant to be condecending, just factual. Kind of like "don't knock it until you try it". You are the first person who has posted that even with the experience, they wouldn't do it. So it is nice to see that opinion.

My marriage most definitely wouldn't suffer from lack of vacations. But they certainly enhance it. Just like my life won't suffer without name brand clothes or a new pair of shoes. But they make me happy and since I can afford it, why not. I can emotionally afford to go on a trip without my child, it enhances my life, it enhances her life, win win all around. If it turned into a win/lose, then of course, you change to make it work again.

[ThreeYell]

Plus if we left her and *something happened, it would be a looooong flight back.

Honestly, this is it for me. We have grandparents, aunts and uncles, and even babysitters that I would be (and have been) completely comfortable leaving my kids with. We've left DS1 for long weekends and had a great time. But I couldn't go to Europe, really couldn't go more than a short direct flight away. I'm a worrier by nature and the thought of something happening and me not being able to get back right away is too much for me. I'm actually kind of jealous of people who can and do leave their kids for great trips. I can see how it would be a good experience for all involved.

The option we've come up with is take a babysitter (or grandparents) with us. My ideal vacation is to have the whole family do things together during the day, then be able to leave the kids at night so DH and I can go out for grown-up dinners.

[LeslieR]

We didn't leave DS1 for a trip (a long weekend) until he was 22mos. Had a great time and probably could have stayed away one more day.

As a second time mom, I would leave DS2 (along with DS1) in a heartbeat right now (if I wasn't nursing).;)

[dionysia]

What can I say? It works for us.

I think my upbringing has a lot to do with it: my parents left me with my grandparents at 18 months to go to Europe for 2 (3?) weeks. I was fine. Starting at age 4 and until I was in jr. high school, ever major vacation they took, I went along as well.

We see my parents every 4-6 weeks and have left Leo (who is now 2.5) with them 3 times for longer than overnight. Last April, we went to the UK for 10 days and left him with them. In July, he stayed with them for a week (they volunteered!). In a few weeks, he'll stay with them again for 10 days while we're in Germany. He loves being with his Yia Yia and Papou and they love having him.

While we're away, sure we miss him. We comment not so much on 'oh, I wish L were here to do X,' but 'I can't wait 'til L is older and we can take him here to do X.'

For my husband and me, a vacation is very active. We drive a lot, visit museums and castles, walk a lot, stay out late... our preferred vacations are not very child-friendly. That said, we are looking at doing some sort of family cruise next year and having the grandparents and aunties come along.

ETA: I forgot to mention that I'd stay with my grandparents for 1-2 weeks during the summers while I was in elementary school. My parents had a 'stay-cation' or a weekend getaway during that time.

[ManteoChik]

I find this thread (and most of the other parenting threads) really interesting - especially since I don't have kids.....which I know puts me in the 'your opinion isn't valid camp'. :p It really is fascinating to see all the different responses.

I look back to my childhood, and we were super close with both sets of grandparents. One set in particular lived 1.5 hrs away and we saw them regularly. We used to spend weekends with them all the time as well as weeks during the summer - not because my parents were out of town, we just wanted to. It was fun. And what's even more shocking is that my grandparents live on a farm (think cotton and beans, not animals..lol) and even though they were only about 15 min from a big area with lots of shopping, malls, etc, they were far enough out that they didn't even get cable until about 3 years ago. No cable tv and we STILL wanted to go visit...lol.

When my parents would go out of town either they or my other grandparents would come stay with us (or we would go to them). I don't ever remember being distressed or upset. FWIW, my mom was also a SAHM, room mother at school, PTA president, etc so she did *everything* with us and I still didn't feel abandoned because she went out of town without us - I guess it's just a family dynamic.

Most of my friends growing up were also the same way - so I have to wonder if it's a generational thing? Things seem so different now than when we were kids. As for having my own kids one day - I feel pretty confident that either of our parents would be wonderful caregivers for our (future) children...I mean they did a pretty good job in raising us. (and yes, I do realize that it's possible my opinion will change once I have kids).

[MrsBeckyLP]

For me, I think the fact that I'm a WOHM does play a big part in it, but not necessarily because I get to be "me" all day long instead of "Mommy." The reason I couldn't fathom going on a vacation without DD is because I work, I don't get to see her much, so I want to spend as much time as possible with her. My weekends and evenings are so precious, and spending time away from her is the last thing I want to do. Honestly. I have zero desire to spend time apart from her. We occasionally go out with friends for an evening (sometimes after DD is already in bed), and that is enough for me.

DH is trying to convince me to take a long weekend trip to Vegas for our anniversary in June, but right now I'm not willing to go without DD, even though she would be in very capable hands with my mom and dad, who she adores. I just don't want to be away from her. In March he found a last-minute deal to Jamaica, and he wanted to go. It left in a few days, so we didn't have time to get a passport for DD, and I wasn't about to go without her. We didn't go. He doesn't understand why I don't want to get away for a few days, and I don't understand why he does. We think differently, much like many of the women here think differently. In fact, on Saturday we have a retirement party and wedding to attend, and we'll be away from DD starting around 2 p.m. DH had a hard time convincing me to even do that.

Luckily I'm cutting back to working four days a week, starting this week. So maybe once I have the opportunity to spend three full days a week with DD I'll feel a bit differently. Maybe we'll even book that trip to Vegas. Eh, I don't know. We'll see.

[Loud_curly]

My background: FT WOHM with DS in an in-home daycare. DH who spends lots of time working. Two sets of OOT grandparents who visit frequently and spoil him rotten.

From the very beginning, the grandparents would send DH and I out to dinner when they were in town so that we all could get some quality time (me and DH, them and DS). When DS was 7 months, DH and I went to Aruba for 5 nights without DS. DS stayed at home with GMIL. It was great. I pumped and brought back lots of milk, DH and I got to enjoy being just "us" again, and we chatted about how we would bring DS back in a few years.

Since then, we've gone on overnights without DS, and two more long weekends without DS. We've also traveled with DS to visit family in Florida and New York. This summer, DH and I are planning a vacation, again without DS, to somewhere - likely Sweden or the Greek Isles. Why? Because we recognize that, for us, it's important for us to take the time to reconnect and focus on us. The us that was for over a decade before DS joined us. The us that wants to give our DS everything, and needs to be refreshed every now and then.

Once DS (and any future kids) get older, I'm sure we'll take more family vacations. And likely even with siblings and grandparents (both families get along really well). But right now, most everything is new and exciting for DS, and we just don't see the need for stressing ourselves out over a non-relaxing family vacation.

[Esq.]

I would take a free vacation to Europe in a heartbeat. It wouldn't be a matter of deciding whether DD could live without me (I have no doubt that she would be absolutely fine) but only a matter of deciding which grandmother got her for the 7 days. The one willing to stay at my house would win.

This comes from someone who has left her DD overnight twice in her nearly 30 months of life.

[Marisa]

I'm sorry I was defensive earlier. You know, it may seem to skew the other way on message boards like this one, but in real life I don't see a lot of support for "alternative" ways of parenting. I don't really like labels -- I raise my kids the way I was raised -- but I guess I fall into the "attachment parenting" camp (ya think? ;)) Anyway, it seems like young moms get it from all sides that they need to be away from their kids, that their kids need to be away from them, and sometimes that just doesn't feel right -- doesn't matter why, it just doesn't. And that's ok too -- being attached to your kids (and having them attached to you) for those first few years doesn't mean that either one of you will be overly needy later on. That sort of thing hinges more on individual personalities or other factors like that. (I'm not just talking about vacationing away from your kids, I guess -- there are lots of ways we are "hindering our baby's independence" like babywearing and cosleeping and all.)

Anyway, like I said, I left Joey for a weekend with the girls, it wasn't really my cup of tea. At this point in my life, I'm sort of in "family" mode. I lived alone (or with my husband) for 10 years before kids. I did lots of stuff! :) I'm ok with things slowing down for me for a while, because I know they'll pick back up again when the kids are bigger. Besides, as BTB pointed out earlier, I'm finding I'm an introvert when it comes to "me" time -- I much prefer someone taking the kids for an evening so I can read or sew or watch a movie, and then sleep in my own bed at the end of the day. :)

Joey goes for 1-2 nights at his nana's house, and has been doing this for the last year or so, but it started when he was old enough to suggest it on his own, not as a matter of course. (Of course, I happily encouraged it!! :)) My mom is fabulous and I'd trust her in a heartbeat, but I wouldn't leave Teddy with her yet (he'll be 1 later this month). He's still too needy at night, he loves his nana but he wouldn't enjoy a whole night away from us -- especially since he'll still nurse at night sometimes. It'd just be too much work (Teddy = upset, my mom = struggling to soothe without nursing) -- for too little payback right now.

Anyway, blah blah blah I'm so chatty today (Teddy's taking a nice long nap and Joey's at school, so I'm having MAD "me" time today!!).


Oh -- one more thing. I don't think this has anything to do with "generations" being different. I never stayed with my grandparents until I was preschool age, my parents never went on vacation without me. In my situation, there simply wasn't the money. We were a working class family. My parents were working long hours (dad) or in school (mom) and there was no flying off to anywhere for them -- our vacations were driving down the shore as a family. If anything, I think the difference here might be "privelege" -- what people feel entitled to based on what their family was able to afford.

[PinkMartini]

I don't think this has anything to do with "generations" being different. I never stayed with my grandparents until I was preschool age, my parents never went on vacation without me. In my situation, there simply wasn't the money. We were a working class family. My parents were working long hours (dad) or in school (mom) and there was no flying off to anywhere for them -- our vacations were driving down the shore as a family. If anything, I think the difference here might be "privelege" -- what people feel entitled to based on what their family was able to afford.

ITA! It has nothing to do with different generations for myself either. I didn't have any vacations as a child (neither did my parents - no $$$) and neither did either of my parents as children. My DH went on vacations as a child but always with his parents. They never went off on their own either (even though they probably could've afforded it). They always went as a family (and his parents are still happily married after 38 years ;)).

I definitely think it has to do with feeling entitled and privilege in this situation.

[BTB]

I find it interesting that everyone who says NO has never done it. I don't think there has been a single poster who has taken a trip sans child and regretted it. Just something to consider...

I haven't gone away with DH and left DC with someone else, but I have had to go away and leave DD home with DH. When she was 6 months until she was 8 months I travelled fairly extensively interviewing for my current position. I was hospitalized for three nights when she was 19 months old, and again hospitalized for three nights this past February. Last summer, I joined my mom at my grandma's deathbed and was gone for four nights. I don't think it's that I just don't know better.

I love the weekends away DH and I get, but being gone longer just isn't something I *like*. IMO, vacation time = family time. The whole family.

[MrsBeckyLP]

IMO, vacation time = family time. The whole family.

Yep.

When we were on our babymoon last year -- at a kid-friendly, all-inclusive resort in Mexico -- a woman we met was watching all the kids play in the water. She asked me -- obviously appalled by the thought -- if I planned to take my children on vacations like that, and I told her I absolutely was. She looked at me like I had a boob growing out of the side of my head.

[BusyBee21]

Count me as one of those "priveleged" kids, then. I am the youngest of four, and by the time I was born, my parents could afford to do both types of vacations. We went on "family" vacations to the beach and Lake Tahoe (family cabin there) once a year, and then when my dad won company trips, which he did yearly, the grandparents would come and stay with us for a week or two. Sure, I missed my parents, but I never once begrudged them for leaving me. They went to fabulous places, Tahiti, Europe, Hawaii, spent time together, and we got to get to know our grandparents (and eat waffles for dinner!) I *LOVED* the special time I got to spend with the grandparents (granted I only remember from 4 on). Since neither set of grandparents lived near us, these vacations (and family holidays) were really the only time I got to see them.

For our family, it's important for us to do the same. We are taking a family vacation for a week starting on Saturday, and I can't wait. We're visiting family in Michigan and Ohio, and it will be lots of fun, but certainly in no way shape or form will it be relaxing. That's what the "other" vacations are for! ;)DH and I had a long weekend for our anniversary, and DS got to spend quality time with his grandparents. They love it, HE loves it, and DH and I get to spend quality time together. Our relationship needs that. And when DS is a bit older, I will have no problem leaving him for a week at a time for a vacation with DH. Especially if it's a *free* vacation! ;)

[yby1]

DS spends plenty of time with my parents, he already does overnights there regularly, so I wouldn't feel uncomfortable leaving him with them to go on a vacation. I felt a bit more uneasy about leaving him overnight when he was still a baby, but I think it became easier when I was done nursing him and he could communicate better (around 18 months old)
We did one 4 night vacation away from him and it went fine. DS is 3 now and I think it would be easier to take him on a trip with us, but if he couldn't come with us, I think it will also be easier to explain that he will be with his grandparents for a few days and that we will be back soon.

eta: I did vacations with my parents and also trips to spend time with my grandparents without my parents as a child.

[BTB]

Count me as one of those "priveleged" kids, then. I am the youngest of four, and by the time I was born, my parents could afford to do both types of vacations.

Trust me, I can afford both types of vacations. I just don't *want* to leave my kids at home for longer than a couple days. Really, it's just that simple - it's not lack of childcare, it's not lack of funds, it's not a childhood spent without.

I enjoy being with my kids. Family time is what recharges me. I don't feel drained by being a mom, and don't feel I need time without kiddos to have a strong marriage or be a fulfilled person. It's work that sucks the life out of me. ;)

[Susan]

I haven't left DD overnight yet (she's my first child, 9 months old), and I'm not sure when I will be comfortable with it. I'm just a worrier by nature, and I stress out thinking that she might be upset, something could happen, etc. I completely trust my parents (they would be the ones keeping her), but I'm just not ready for it yet. We are getting ready to go to Key West this weekend for the week, and we're bringing my parents along. That way we can spend family time during the day, and my parents have offered to babysit as much as we want at night so that DH and I can go out together. Seems like the best option for us at this point.

I think it's great if you are comfortable with leaving for a few days, I just haven't gotten there myself personally. I hope that in the future maybe DH and I can start off with a little weekend getaway or something. I think it would be fun (though I know I'd probably stress about DD at first)!

[bensgirl1222]

I say go! I was going back & forth on whether or not to leave my then 10 month old DS for 5 days. DH got a VIP award from his job that paid for us to go anywhere we wanted for 5 days. It took me a long time to finally decide not to take him. My MIL and DS have a WONDERFUL relationship and we trust her 110% to watch DS. She offered to watch him for the 5 days so we went. I was even STILL Bfing him. So I pumped about 140 oz over a course of a few weeks and sent that with DS to MIL's. We still continued our BFing relationship when I got back with no problems whatsoever (I was really worried about him self-weaning).

I wont lie though...the 1st day was easy. It was even easy to actually walk out the door and leave him. But the 2nd day, when I hadnt seen him in more than 24 hours, we were laying on the beach having a cocktail and I just started bawling. I really missed him. I was pretty sad for a little while that day until I had a few more drinks, a nice lunch and got to talk to MIL to see how he was doing. I then snapped out of it bc there was nothing I could do and i wanted to have a good time and enjoy my time away...and I did! By the time we got home, I couldnt wait to see him.

Am I glad we went without him? Absolutely! Would I do it again? In a heartbeat.

I have to say though that the plane ride home was really terrifying to me. I have never been afraid to fly but the thought of my plane crashing and leaving DS without any parents really terrified me. My dad and stepmom always took seperate flights when they left my sister home "just in case" something would happen.

[Lila55]

Congratulations to your husband for earning the trip!:)

I took three trips during DS first year of life. Each trip was for two nights. One was a business trip, the other two were weddings. Everyone did fine.

[KRL626]

It's interesting to me that people are advising the OP to take her DD with her or that they wouldn't consider taking such a trip. She wasn't actually asking for opinions, but rather experiences from those who have done it before.

I've left DS1 overnight/s 5 times. First was for our wedding anniversary when he was 5 months old. That was just for one night. Then when we moved to our new place at 6 1/2 months he was away from us for 2 nights I think. When he was 18 months we went on a vacation without him for 5 nights and again last year we left him for 2 nights for our anniversary and actually 2 nights the year before that, again for our anniversary. He was with grandparents every time. He did great and I think it was good bonding time for him to be with them. We may or may not do it again. Now that we have 2 the grandparents aren't as excited to take them.

[RobynScott]

This has been an interesting (and timely!) discussion as DH and I are contemplating the same thing right now - though no free trip! *lol*. I am also one of those WOHM's who really looks forward to weekends with my son, and the idea of going on vacation for a week without him is really not appealing to me. I want to take him with us. On the other hand, I am ready to leave him alone (though he's never been alone all night) so DH and I can get away - just not for a week. My max feels like about 4 days - DS will be 2 this summer, and DH and I could definitely use some time away.

So - haven't done it yet - hoping to come up with a 4 day getaway for DH and I (possibly during the week so DS can go to daycare as usual and whoever takes care of him just really has to worry about mornings, dinner, and bedtime) - and a weeklong getaway with DS b/c I want to take him on vacation. (note, though - I am trying to convince DH to take a cruise, which has a "camp" option available, so DH and I could have alone time, and we could have family time).

[steviem]

Just before I had DD, we went away for 2 nights and left DS who was almost two at the time, with my parents. He was totally fine..... I was the one who was a wreck. I missed him terribly. He was (and still is) a handful so the thought of being able to have some "me" time sounded so appealing (sleeping in, etc.). It was nice, but DH and I missed DS and we spoke about him constantly on our mini-vacay.

In May, we are going to Hawaii for BIL's wedding. The original plan was to make it a family vacation, take both kids and stay for 10 days. The more we thought about it (costs, hassle of lugging everything, etc.), we decided that it will be best to leave the kids at home with my parents. DH and I are both in the bridal party so from the time we get there until the time of the wedding, we will be busy with bachelorette/bacholor parties, rehearsals, etc. It wouldn't be until the 4th day into the trip that we could actually have family time. In the end, we have decided to cut the trip short (4 days) and leave the day after the wedding. I am already dreading it....... I know my parents will do an excellent job watching the kids, but I know I will be a wreck and worry and miss them so much :rolleyes:

I'm trying to look at this as being a "good" thing for DH and I to have some alone time but I know us...... we will think of the kids constantly.

We will definitely be taking a family vacation some time this summer. Although I felt exhausted at times from the kids, I really hate being away from them overnight. A date night here and there is enough to recharge me.

[miaclear]

I would take a free vacation to Europe in a heartbeat. It wouldn't be a matter of deciding whether DD could live without me (I have no doubt that she would be absolutely fine) but only a matter of deciding which grandmother got her for the 7 days. The one willing to stay at my house would win.

I agree. I probably wouldn't search out a long vacation away from my baby but if a once in a lifetime trip (that would be) fell in my lap I would go! I've only left my son for 3 nights in his two years (when he was 18 months old). He stayed with my parents at their house. I called every morning and he had a blast and didn't miss me one bit. Now if I'd have tried to leave him two months earlier when he was 16 months I think it would have been a very different story. He was VERY clingy.

[Kanga]

When my parents would go out of town either they or my other grandparents would come stay with us (or we would go to them). I don't ever remember being distressed or upset. FWIW, my mom was also a SAHM, room mother at school, PTA president, etc so she did *everything* with us and I still didn't feel abandoned because she went out of town without us - I guess it's just a family dynamic.

Most of my friends growing up were also the same way - so I have to wonder if it's a generational thing? Things seem so different now than when we were kids. As for having my own kids one day - I feel pretty confident that either of our parents would be wonderful caregivers for our (future) children...I mean they did a pretty good job in raising us. (and yes, I do realize that it's possible my opinion will change once I have kids).

I think that's because at your earliest memories of staying with your grandparents, you were probably at least 4, possibly 3? Usually kids by then are beginning to understand time, are verbal and communicative, and have the brain development to know that their parents will always come back. And I think most people here posted that if their kids mentioned wanting to spend the night at grandma's, they'd let them. Adults generally have at most a random hazy memory or two of their toddler years (toddler meaning 2 and under in this case)

I stayed with my grandma (or vice versa) twice that I can remember. We didn't live close so overnights weren't practical. While I didn't feel abandoned (though I was a little jealous when my parents went to London and left my sister and I behind because we had never been out of the country before) it wasn't like I had the MOST FUN EVER. A lot of that is probably due to dynamics - my grandma and I just don't click (same with my sister and grandma). I see her once maybe twice a year now mostly (xmas and maybe t-giving) and we can barely find anything to talk about for more than a few minutes and even then it's usually small talk.

[TerpsFan]

My DD turns 16 months today and I haven't left her overnight yet. She is not a reliable sleeper and I haven't felt compelled to subject anyone to the nightmare that some nights are. Sure, her aunts and grandparents adore her, but not even DH can settle her at 3am. I would probably spend the night/several nights wondering how stressed out and bad she's probably feeling (not to mention how many days the grandparents can pull all-nighters?). Heck, I had to leave the house early this morning for a rare in-office meeting and left a screaming banshee for DH to manage (we cosleep anytime after she wakes at 3am so I had to pull myself away from her at 5:30..not a pretty picture). I don't fantasize about leaving DD for a vacation, I just dream about checking into a hotel by myself to sleep for 8 hours straight, uninterrupted.

[mommydearest]

We left DD with my mom this week because it was a work trip and I could not take her. She goes to my mom's for daycare though, so it wasn't like it was a stranger or anything, and she is 2. She was sick the whole time, so it ended up better she stayed home. I did feel guilty because we were at Disney without her, but it isn't fair to the 55 high school kids I was in charge of to have my 2 year old crying/needing a nap/etc.

The other orchestra director on the trip left her 15 month old with her mom, who was more or less a stranger, at her mom's home. I probably wouldn't have done it, but she didn't have any other options. It is a work trip, and not going was not an option. He also did fine. We both called home at least 4 times a day (call us crazy) and both of us can tell you everything the kids ate, slept, played, etc. Both kids did great.

I wouldn't leave a still nursing baby, but I have no qualms leaving an older baby with a caregiver he/she knows very well for a few days. It was good for our marriage to get some time away.