What is the one thing you wish you had known?

[KrissyCat7]

My husband and I are expecting our first baby this May. I know that our world is going to turn upside down and I've gotten a lot of really great advice from all of you on here.

So it got me thinking:

What is the one thing you wish you knew before you had your first child? What is the one thing that no one told you or prepared you for?

[MrsSpencer]

That it's ok to question your pediatrician..you know your child better than anyone.

I have more...but I'm still dealing with the reprocussions on that one.

If your baby ends up in bed with you (whether you planned it or not)..it's okay..well as long as you do it safely.

[PinkMartini]

2 things jump out at me.

1. The lack of sleep. I know everyone tells you that you are going to be sleep deprived at first but I didn't truly 'get it' until I was smack in the middle of it. It really does affect EVERYTHING and just plain sucks. I think for me the sleep deprivation started at the end of pregnancy (I was sleeping like crap at 9 months pregnant between having to use the restroom every 2 hours to having to roll over because my hips were killing me every 2 hours) and didn't end until 2 or 3 months after my children were born (later with my DD).

2. I hate to be mushy but honestly I wish I would've known how fast it all goes by. The newborn stage goes by all too quickly and I didn't really enjoy it with either of my children (in part due to the sleep deprivation). I really wish I would've sat down and just held my newborns longer and enjoyed them for being so small. Both of my kids are toddlers now and I think even the infant stage just flew by for me. I have vowed that should I have another child, I will bask in the early days as much as I can....

[j*east]

Honestly, while I got a ton of helpful advice here and elsewhere, and while I have four younger siblings, 5 nieces/nephews, nanny experience, and years of babysitting behind me, there is NOTHING like being a mother. You're it. The responsibility is really 100% yours, especially with breastfeeding, and it is completely overwhelming at first (at least for me). And I say this with a DH who was very helpful from the start and SAH for 6+ weeks with us...but still, there is no one else like mommy. I thought I knew, but I had no idea.

More practically: as soon as possible, make sure your DH can do everything (feed, diaper, bathe, dress, and most importantly put the baby to bed). This ensures that you will be able to get a break once in a while, even if it's just to sleep.

Secondly, read about sleep so you're at least informed. I really liked Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child for sleep info and The No-Cry Sleep Solution for techniques.

And finally (sorry for the novel), be ready to do what works and ditch what doesn't, no matter what you planned before the baby came.

[petdoc08]

there is nothing like being a mother. You're it. The responsibility is really 100% yours, especially with breastfeeding, and it is completely overwhelming at first (at least for me)...i thought i knew, but i had no idea.


this!

[MrsSpencer]

2. I hate to be mushy but honestly I wish I would've known how fast it all goes by. The newborn stage goes by all too quickly and I didn't really enjoy it with either of my children (in part due to the sleep deprivation). I really wish I would've sat down and just held my newborns longer and enjoyed them for being so small. Both of my kids are toddlers now and I think even the infant stage just flew by for me. I have vowed that should I have another child, I will bask in the early days as much as I can....

This...ds is almost 10 months old and I wonder where my cuddly baby went.

How you will do anything and I mean anything for them! (including helping poop out because they can't do it on their own).

[wendalah]

Probably for me the one thing I wish I'd been prepared for is how difficult it would be adjusting to not going to work every day. Caring for a newborn is mindbogglingly tedious in the beginning.

The second thing is the "time going quick." That does happen and it's helpful to know that when you are in the middle of an endless day (stage, period, whatever).

[TerpsFan]

Throw the word "should" out of your vocabulary. There is no "should" when it comes to infants/babies. You will drive yourself nuts with the questioning (for example, my baby should be sleeping longer stretches by now when you are still up 2x a night at 15 months, my baby should be able to stretch eating by 3 hours, when you are going through a growth spurt and baby wants to nurse constantly). I finally let go of the "shoulding" and just accepted the "as is".

[Jenyfer9]

That bf'ing is HARD. I thought that it would be so easy, but it was really really hard. It wasn't something that came naturally to me AT ALL, and I felt like a cow when I pumped.

[Kelly's Girl]

1. There is no one way to raise a child and be a family.

2. Once that child is born- it is THERE.

(This one may sound stupid, but it was kind of like once I got married. My husband was always around, be it a good thing or a bad thing. And w/a baby, they're always there and they usually need something from YOU. It was just a big adjustment that I hadn't wrapped my brain around.)

[MrsSpencer]

No one told me my feelings for DH would change when I saw him hold ds the first time.

[shouldaeloped]

go see movies. go out to eat. go on vacation. go out with friends. go to a sporting event. spend quiet time in a bookstore. relax at a coffee shop.

and do all of this so much that you are tired of it and don't want to do any of it for the next 5-10 years.

[MrsBeckyLP]

I'll leave the mushy stuff to everyone else.

Call me naive, but I didn't realize that when everyone told me her "first poop" would be meconium, that it would be meconium for a few days. I really thought it would just be the "first poop" or two and then it would clear out! Nope. DD had meconium poop for about three days.

[ironhair]

Everyone told me how fast time goes and how quickly little ones grow up, but you have NO IDEA what that really means until it's YOUR little one. You will literally not be able to believe they already 6 mos, 1 year, 2 years, and so on.

Being a mom is hard work. Maybe someone did tell me that before and it was another one of those things you don't really get until you are a mom. It is completely rewarding and wonderful and all of that good, mushy stuff, but it is darn hard at times.

ETA: I thought of another (I know, you said "What is the ONE thing...") no one told me I would begin to resent DH and the fact that his life didn't really change. He has never gotten up during the night and paced the floor for hours, or taken either child with him to his doctor's appointments, to get his hair cut, to the grocery store, to a meeting, or to work on a day they were sick and he had a project he had to complete that day...

[jesseybell]

1. I definitely had a hard time being away from work - I am not a work-aholic or really career driven, but going from someone dedicated to their job to sitting on the couch all day covered in baby spit up and barely showering in a period of a week was a huge, huge adjustment.

2. Take the advise and sleep when they sleep. I was so excited to not be working (I know, contradicts my #1 above) so when she was sleeping I wanted to be doing all my little projects and do all the "me-time" things I wanted - I would tip-toe around so she wouldn't wake up so I could get more me time. This time I am going to sleep, sleep, sleep. The me-time projects can wait.

3. I definitely didn't saver the newborn stage at all - I really wish I had.

4. I agree - go to the movies (this is the # thing I miss about being a parent - we used to go a lot and spontaneously - we've been a few times in the last 2 years but it always has to be planned far in advance), go out to eat, just sit on the couch with the tv off and enjoy the quiet because who knows when you will get it again. My parents took DD for the night the other night and while DH and I didn't do much, it was so incredibly nice to just sit there and enjoy the peace and quiet. Once #2 arrives in a month, who knows when we'll get a night to ourselves again.

[cr8zyforaf]

go see movies. go out to eat. go on vacation. go out with friends. go to a sporting event. spend quiet time in a bookstore. relax at a coffee shop. and so all of this so much that you are tired of it and don't want to do any of it for the next 5-10 years.


This....I was just telling a friend yesterday that I wish I had savored every second of my child free life because when it is gone, it is gone. No matter how much you tell someone this, they never believe it until they slip on over to the other side.

Sleep, sleep like you've never slept before..and then sleep some more because you won't be getting much of that either.

[Wrighty26]

For me it was that the "oh my God, what have I done" stage DOES pass and that you can't let it interfere with the enjoyment of the newborn phase. I really don't have a lot of "good" memories of my DS as a newborn because I felt like I was really caught up in the shock of everything (and the baby blues sucked!). While I was never more in love with someone, I also felt like my life was over...like I would never be able to just "pop in" to a store again, take some time for myself, or do something spontaneous. While I definitely had to "compromise", I now can't even imagine going back to my "old" life.

Also -- I never thought I would wish someone would go to sleep so badly, yet wish they were awake when they were finally asleep (I swear, it defies logic).

[cactus]

For me it was that the "oh my God, what have I done" stage DOES pass and that you can't let it interfere with the enjoyment of the newborn phase. I really don't have a lot of "good" memories of my DS as a newborn because I felt like I was really caught up in the shock of everything (and the baby blues sucked!). While I was never more in love with someone, I also felt like my life was over...like I would never be able to just "pop in" to a store again, take some time for myself, or do something spontaneous. While I definitely had to "compromise", I now can't even imagine going back to my "old" life.

Also -- I never thought I would wish someone would go to sleep so badly, yet wish they were awake when they were finally asleep (I swear, it defies logic).

Oh my goodness, I am a pretty new mom and I agree with ALL of this, even that last part. Maybe especially the last part. ;)

[Scooter]

I think some of the stuff in this thread:

A Day in the Life of a Very New Mommy (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=22257)

would have been very good to know. I hadn't known what to expect about recovery after childbirth or how rough recovery can be.

[BusyBee21]

I wish I had known how emotionally exhausting being a new mommy is. But I guess you can't know until you experience it! I was so overwhelmed by my feelings and some PPD, that I didn't enjoy the first few months. I was TERRIFIED I would do something "wrong" so it took me forever to get out of the house in the beginning. I am a lot more confident in my abilities, and think I will be much more relaxed the second time around (when it happens).

[nuhmah]

I didn't know that babies don't "sleep like babies." Maybe I really did know it, but in the back of my mind at 3am, I don't recall this information. :p They sleep solid for the first couple of days, and then they start "waking up." Maybe they should change the phrase to "sleeps like an exhausted new mommy."

That breastfeeding is harder than I thought it would be. And that I would also resent my DH in the middle of the night while he was sleeping, and I was up sobbing while nursing because of the pain.

[MrsBeckyLP]

I didn't know that babies don't "sleep like babies." They sleep solid for the first couple of days, and then they start "waking up."

Oooh, yes, good info!

I remember DD sleeping nonstop when we were in the hospital for three days, and I was so surprised and thought I got really lucky, but then she "woke up" and started acting how I thought a baby would act!

Also, she hardly cried during those early days, which was a shock to me. Really -- she almost never made a peep. DH and I were worried for a while that she couldn't feel pain or something. She didn't cry when nurses checked her vitals, she didn't cry when they pricked her heel for the blood tests and she didn't cry when she woke up or was hungry.

Everyone talks about exhaustion, and I don't doubt that it's very real for some. However, I function well on little sleep, and I never once was completely exhausted as a new mommy. I know I'm lucky in that regard. I had prepared myself to be pooped, but it never hit me. So try to mentally prepare yourself, but know that not everyone gets completely exhausted. I hope you're one of them!

[jesseybell]

What I tell all my friends that aren't even ttcing yet is to sleep before you even get pregnant. I don't recall my 2nd trimester last time, but the first trimester both times were filled will such vivid dreams that I would wake up exhausted, and now, well I haven't slept well in weeks and I still have 4 weeks to go.

I am really hoping I am more confident than I was last time. While I was going through it I didn't feel really like I lacked confidence (except I never wore her even though I wanted to because I was terrified of dropping her) but I also wished I had done more out of the house when I was on leave. Part of it was because the first month was August and was really hot but also because I bled a ton, like borderline I should be worried a ton, so I preferred to stay home. And then once the bleeding stopped it got to be darker and colder and I just stayed in which brought on potentially a mild case of PPD. This time I am hoping because it will be spring that I will get out more...and I stocked up on black pants/capris just in case. And I definitely plan on wearing him - I think I will need to with a 2.5 year old around.

[undesigned]

I wish I had known that BF'ing doesn't come naturally for all mothers and despite all your efforts, sometimes it just doesn't work out. Also, that having a newborn isn't all joy and excitement, that baby blues/PPD can make you feel pretty down for a long time but that eventually it will pass. That 8 weeks of maternity leave isn't enough, your body is still recovering physically and emotionally and it's so hard to leave the baby when she's so tiny. Like some of you, I didn't enjoy the newborn phase as much as I thought I would. I had all sorts of ideas of what it would be like to have a baby and when it didn't happen that way, I took it pretty hard. Hopefully things will be different if we have a second child.

[honeygirl]

1. Babies can shoot poo across the room, up to 15ft. It is a short stage but it can happen. It happened to us in the hospital when she was about 5 days old so I didn't have to clean it up. Fortunately I jumped out of the way so it all went on the floor. ;)

2. About jaundice. I read lots of things about delivery, bf, etc but had no clue about jaundice. It is common and may mean that they'll want to keep the baby in the hospital for a little while. This FREAKED me out and was very upsetting for me as a new mom. I got a lot of info and support in this thread: Jaundice (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8240&highlight=Jaundice)

[Kopper]

1. Some days it will feel like all you did was feed the baby, change diapers and get the baby to go to sleep. Don't feel guilty about not getting anything else done for awhile.

2. Whenever you feel like something will never get better (STTN, BFing, colic, etc) remind yourself that it will. They won't be like this forever and although it seems like forever now it's really not.

3. Whenever you think you have your baby figured out they change things up on you.

4. It's ok if you want to hold your baby all day long and not put them down. They won't be spoiled or never walk or whatever it is someone tells you because you hold them too much.

5. Don't let other people make you feel guilty for whatever choice you make re: parenting. Do what works for you and your baby.

[la_Mer]

Also -- I never thought I would wish someone would go to sleep so badly, yet wish they were awake when they were finally asleep (I swear, it defies logic).

I have to second this. This is the example I use to explain motherhood to my non-mom friends.

[gardenmommy]

This too goes along the lines of "I think I knew this but it never really sunk in for a while"...

As much as you think your kids change your world, YOU ARE THEIR WORLD. ALL OF IT!! From the early days where they can't even really see you, but they know your smell to the crying for comfort and you are the one to give it to them. Then as they grow they watch every little thing you do...they learn to be polite when you thank people at the store, and they learn impatience when you swear at the crazy driver in the lane beside you, they learn that poop stinks when you make a bad face changing them, and they learn to want Sour Patch Kids when they see you eating them and say they can't have any. They follow you into the bathroom, and want to sit close to you all the time, they want you to watch them jump puddles and hate when you are on the phone because they don't have 100% of your attention. They are little sponges, and they will adore you, all of you, no matter what. So decide who you want to be, decide what kind of mother you want to be and be it. They won't know any different because you are their world.

[PinkMartini]

As much as you think your kids change your world, YOU ARE THEIR WORLD. ALL OF IT!! From the early days where they can't even really see you, but they know your smell to the crying for comfort and you are the one to give it to them. Then as they grow they watch every little thing you do...they learn to be polite when you thank people at the store, and they learn impatience when you swear at the crazy driver in the lane beside you, they learn that poop stinks when you make a bad face changing them, and they learn to want Sour Patch Kids when they see you eating them and say they can't have any. They follow you into the bathroom, and want to sit close to you all the time, they want you to watch them jump puddles and hate when you are on the phone because they don't have 100% of your attention. They are little sponges, and they will adore you, all of you, no matter what. So decide who you want to be, decide what kind of mother you want to be and be it. They won't know any different because you are their world.

Ok I'm officially a crying mess. Thanks :p (No I'm not pregnant so it can't be hormones) And this is OH SO TRUE!

[MrsSpencer]

crying here too...said so beautifully.

[wendalah]

Yes, on the "you are their world" note--their world is so small and they have very, very limited ways of expressing themselves. I remember my mom telling me, "Crying is THE ONLY way she has to communicate with you," which really resounded with me. Stupid as it sounds, I didn't stop to consider that.

My pediatrician also told me that crying is the only way babies have to let off frustration--we as adults can do all sorts of things to wind down, but babies can't read a book or watch TV or take a nice walk around the block. So they cry. That helped me feel a bit better about some of the early unexplained crying, too.

[loving624]

Everyone else has pretty much taken care of the emotional and a lot of the other stuff...but I'll say this:

I found it most helpful to ditch the books. Now I read Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child, like nobodys business, but once I even ditched that one, and ESPECIALLY What to Expect the First Year, I relaxed a bit. Obviously you want to be sure you are doing everything right, but for the most part, just trust that you are. And for real, don't compare your child with others, no matter how tempting. If someone tries to get you into comparing, walk away. You can drive yourself crazy worrying why they are/arent doing something that they should or shouldn't be doing, but literally every SINGLE baby is different. They will all roll, crawl, walk, talk, etc right on their own schedule. Worrying about it will not help anything and will just stress you out more.

And for me, and this is probably different than most, but my relationship with my own mom changed....and sometimes not in a good way. Sure, I now value more what she did as a mom to me and my sister, but at the same time, things are different with her now. I can't stand her telling me what to do about my child, and it's harder to be around her at times now. We used to be sooo super close and it's just different now that I have my own child. We still talk a lot, it's just different now.

And BFing is SO DARN HARD at first. But it is totally worth it.

[MichelleRenee]

A big thing that I didn't realize was how HARD it is to go out and do things that need to be done. Every single thing becomes a major process. Things like "running to the store real quick" and making a "quick trip to the doctor" just don't exist anymore. I always thought "how hard can it be? Throw a diaper and a bottle in your bag and you are ready to go....."

Along the same lines, I never knew how giddy I would feel the first time I got to drive to the grocery store without having to lug my baby along, but then how sad I would feel the moment I got there and saw another baby.

[AmyE]

Let Dad do it to, and never tell him he's doing it wrong. If you suddenly become THE baby expert from birth, DH may not want to get so involved, since "mom knows how to do everything," then you'll resent that DH doesn't give you a break. And he'll think, well sheeesh, every time I do it, I'm told I don't swaddle properly or whatnot.

So, seriously. Make sure he changes diapers. Picks out clothes. Dresses baby. Hangs our with baby.

And don't be angry if "hanging out with baby" involves Dad on the 'net with baby on his lap.

Make a sleep schedule that works for you. DH and I rotated shifts. I was on duty until 2am, him after 2am. If baby woke on his shift, he brought baby to me for a feed, then HE put baby back to sleep. Once I was pumping bottles, DH did as many night feedings as I did.

[Apple]

Expect the unexpected. Sounds cheesy but it was so true for me. There were so many things I expected (both good and bad) that never materialized. I expected a traditional vaginal birth, I got a c-section. I wanted to breast feed, she ended up on formula, I expected to never sleep, she's a champion sleeper. So be open to what happens, be aware of what may or may not happen and have back up plans in your head for when things change (books to reference, friends/family for support). There is no way to know, so try and go with the flow as much as you can. Easier said than done but try :)

[Kelly's Girl]

but once I even ditched that one, and ESPECIALLY What to Expect the First Year, I relaxed a bit.
Oh, hell yeah. "What to expect when you're expecting" nearly drove me bonkers and made me paranoid. I sure didn't read "the First Year."

And that's okay- you don't have to read every stinking thing out there. Because this: Expect the unexpected. Sounds cheesy but it was so true for me. There were so many things I expected (both good and bad) that never materialized. I expected a traditional vaginal birth, I got a c-section. I wanted to breast feed, she ended up on formula, I expected to never sleep, she's a champion sleeper. So be open to what happens, be aware of what may or may not happen and have back up plans in your head for when things change (books to reference, friends/family for support). There is no way to know, so try and go with the flow as much as you can. Easier said than done but try is awesome advice and well put.

[Gabe's Mom]

Be open and flexible and realize it's ok to change your mind. I was adament that my baby would not use a pacifier. I had heard stories of nipple confusion, difficulty weaning and had the vision of a 4 year old walking around with a paci. I wanted NOTHING to do with it. But, after dealing with colic and crying all day long, I finally gave in and it was one of the best things I did. My baby was happy!! A happy baby = a happy mom! (Now, my second son, I wanted him to take a paci in hopes of getting him to sleep - he refused! Go figure.)

Be prepared for being hormonal about a week after giving birth. One day I cried non stop. Just couldn't stop. Not sure why. I felt so bad. My DH didn't know what to do with me. I think it must be a hormone shift. While it lasted it was awful, but the next day, life was better. After talking with other new moms, realized this had also happened to many of them.

With my second son, I admit (and this is hard and sad for me) that at times I resented him. More accurately, I resented the situaiton. He rarely slept those first months (when they are "supposed" to sleep) and I didn't get enough sleep and it made for one grumpy mom. I'm sure I had the baby blues but was too proud to get help, even despite my peds recommendation after I broke down in his office. I regret I didn't do this. I think I would have enjoyed those first precious months more.

Hold, hold and hold your baby. Admire his/her face, lips, fingers and toes. Stare. Take pictures. Smell him/her. Savor. Don't let people tell you that you are spoiling your baby. You can't spoil a newborn.

And finallly, it's ok to put your baby in the crib and let him/her cry for 5 minutes while you go to the bathroom, poke your head out the door for fresh air or eat a sandwich. You need to take care of yourself in order to care for your baby.

[Bibay626]

Your child can have an ear infection, even without a high temperature or tugging at ears.

I was at my wits end for nearly a month when our 18 month old would constantly wake up screaming in the middle of the night and nothing would console her. I feel guilty for not having taken her in early enough, but she had no temperature and was just incredible fussy. Sure enough, double ear infection... ugh! After her first dose of antibiotics, she was back to her normal sleeping habits.

[Ohana]

I had no idea how bad PPD could be and how it would be so hard for both DH and I to recognize the signs. Hello? I spent my entire maternity leave in my bedroom with the lights turned out (DD co-slept, so she was in there with me). I pretty much only left the room to get something to eat or to go to the bathroom. I wish that either one of us had recognized the signs so that I could have gotten help. In some ways, my marriage has not recovered

And I know you only wanted 1 thing, but the other thing I wish I had known was that it's imperative for you to get me time. Go out with a friend, go to a coffee shop by yourself, go grocery shopping solo, just do something by yourself at least once a week.

[jenjunum]

That all the people that say you won't understand until you have a child of your own are totally right. Many things I thought I would never do or I thought I would feel differently about changed when I had my daughter. Even things that I thought I felt strongly about. Everything changes with that little baby. And I thought that was so cliche!

[Guinness]

Motherhood has its perks and difficulties and they fly at you constantly and randomly.

Somehow I 'knew' this, but don't think I really understood the magnitude of all of it. The highs are so high, they are adorable beyond comprehension. The difficulties send you to the feeling of there is no way I can do this. It truly is constant and random. . . it sort of gives you schizophrenic feeling. I am still trying to sort out how to handle it with grace and without crying for perfect strangers at points :p (I should add that we are in the midst of understanding what my youngest's developmental delays and failure to thrive are coming from).

My biggest fear now is that my mommy blindness (blinded by their cuteness) will keep me from seeing what others noticed months before, but I also want to believe in my mommy instinct.

With all of this you feel each emotion more vividly as a mom - the is pretty cool.

[MrsSpencer]

If you feel something isn't right with YOURSELF..don't try to ignore it and hope it goes away. Don't think it's normal, or that it should get better. If it doesn't, DO SOMETHING about it, instead of suffering. You are the most important person to your child..and you have to sometimes take care of yourself to take care of them.

[RobynScott]

For me, it was (as others have mentioned) how bone-numbingly tired I was. I mean - I knew there would be lack of sleep - but I didn't know how that would make me feel. And even though intellectually I knew there was an end in sight, at the time, I just couldn't see it. No one had ever really told me how extreme the exhaustion would feel.

Also - one thing I read here (I think) that REALLY helped me was that it's ok if you're not immediately in love with your baby. I mean - I loved him as soon as he was born, but it took me a few weeks to really fall in love with him- if that makes any sense? And of course, now I love him more than anything. It helped me so much to know that it was ok to feel that way - b/c I really would have been questioning why I did not feel the great love I was supposed to feel. Like I said, I loved him, but it took me some time to be in love with him.

I think it's similar to meeting someone romantically - I didn't fall in love with my husband at first sight, but I fell in love with him fairly quickly. All that to say, it's ok if it takes a little time before you feel "in love" with your child.

Also - the first few months of DSs life were REALLY hard on my relationship with DH. He helped out, but he was also working A.LOT and I was home with DS all day - and he didn't nap - at.all - and if he did it was on me. We were both exhausted (DH and I) and fighting more - I know some of the sleep deprivation - (see above) - was leading to it - I was just so tired and irritable. It helped me to know that others had gone through it too, it was normal, and would get better (and it did!) I jsut think sleep deprivation can do some crazy things to your head :)

Sorry - that was more than one thing, but those are the things that jump out at me. Let me be clear - I love DS more than life itself, and DH and I are doing great (well, his job still annoys me to a certain extent ;) ). The first few months are rough, but as others said, cherish them, b/c looking back they go by so fast - and know that there is an end in sight and things will get better (if they are rough for you at all).

[Lvella43]

You've already gotten a lot of great responses and some tears, but here are my initial thoughts:

- Don't be afraid to "hog" your newborn during that phase. They are soooooo small and squishy and freaking adorable and it goes by quickly. If you want to hold your baby while someone else is; take them back...that person either has already had a child or will one day have their own. I'm laughing as I type that because it sounds nutso, but at the same time EVERYONE wants to hold the baby and next thing you know the day is over and you are stuck up all night feeding a baby doing the "hard" stuff while everyone else got the daytime good stuff ;-)

- I agree completely on doing some reading on sleep theories so you at least have some ideas in your head of things to try before you are in the heat of things.

- BF is hard, but spectacular (and a lot less bottle washing)

- Enjoy every moment; even the ones where you are so tired you can't see straight.

- Everything is a phase. When your kid mixes up days and nights sure is sucks beyond belief and it feels like it will never end, its just a phase. When they are learning to roll over and get "stuck" on their belly in the middle of the night and are screaming, you go in put them back on their back, then 10 minutes later....lather, rinse, repeat; its just a phase.

Have I rambled enough? I love being a Mom.

[Ellyn]

Cherish every moment...

I have said (on these boards, to relatives, etc.) that we.are.done having kids. Boy, do I miss the melt in your arms/form to your body snuggles that only a newborn can provide. I NEVER thought I'd say this (mostly because I hated that I was the sole feeder and hated the pumping) but I really miss BFing. Sigh...maybe we aren't done. :o

Ask for help...my DH was not always the best at helping, but mostly because I have the personality where I feel like I need to do everything...had I asked him - he would have done it. I never used my mom or dad like I should have either - they volunteered many times to stay over for a few days and help out....I let them come but didn't let them help as much as I should have (again, going back to my controlling personality ;) )

Like a PP said - put down those damn books! No matter how many sleep/parenting books you read you'll end up doing your own thing anyway - which will probably be a combo of several.

Never say never. I would never have kids with a stupid paci in their mouths. Wrong. Both were Nuk kids. I never would co sleep. Wrong - there are times where I had no choice if I wanted any sleep. I could go on and on.

Like others have said - expect the unexpected. Don't assume things are going to go wrong, but be ready if they do. You are stronger than you think.

[Julss05]

There isn't just ONE thing. I wish!;) Here's a few that stand out...

wee-wee goes down when you change the diaper or he'll leak himself, it's usually not the diaper unless it's the wrong size. The nurses/doctors at the hospital didn't tell us this. Everyone we know with boys assumed we knew. We learned fast though that this was the problem.

Breastfeeding is hard to do for some women even after reading tons of books, taking a breastfeeding class, and having lactation consultants help. With a baby that refuses to eat from the breast, inverted nipples, and no milk supply it didn't happen. Sometimes it's not meant to be. Don't feel guilty, find something that works for you and baby. I was horribly depressed over this but know for next time not to beat myself up over it and take it quite so seriously. I believe breastmilk is better over formula but if you must supplement or strictly use forumla it's okay, your baby will still thrive.

I wish I knew how fast they grow! Don't spend tons of money on new clothes, they aren't in any size for too long. For ex. my baby just turned 6 months but is wearing 9-12 months.

I wish I knew one place not to go cheap at is bottles or diapers. Top brands that are well known for quality have worked best.

Storage bins are essential if you plan to keep the baby's clothes. We have 5 full of stuff already.

I wish I knew how exhausting and stressful working full time and taking care of my son would be. I would have taken longer for maternity leave (at least 8-10 weeks instead of 6) and if possible not gone back to work for a few years. It's not impossible to have a career and be a new mom but it definitely isn't easy!

I wish I knew I wouldn't be able to see my family and they wouldn't be able to see us after he was born. I would have tried harder to visit before I had him. We are just now able to plan a few trips to visit them.

I wish I knew how friendships with those without kids would change. You always hear about it but it really does change things.

I wish I knew dates and a regular sex life would be a distant memory. I would have stocked up before he was born:). Don't worry though if this happens to you, it will get better.

I wish I knew how serious post-partum depression is. Nobody warned me. My mom just said it happened for her in the 3rd month. For me it was 2 weeks PP. I actually wanted to kill myself. Seek help immediately!

I wish I knew that he wasn't going to sleep through the night until he was 3-4 months. Not that I could do anything about it but it was a shocker. After talking to other parents, it's pretty normal and sometimes longer.

I wish I had known how much I would love him but this is something that kind of takes you by surprise after they're born. Of course you love them while you're pregnant but times that by 100 once they're here :).

And finallly, it's ok to put your baby in the crib and let him/her cry for 5 minutes while you go to the bathroom, poke your head out the door for fresh air or eat a sandwich. You need to take care of yourself in order to care for your baby.

OMG this is so true! I'd try to hold my pee to take care of him and have accidents because my bladder wasn't that good soon after. It's okay to lay them down so you can use the bathroom, get something to eat, brush teeth, get some deodorant on lol! I thought I needed to pick him up whenever he'd cry. I'd try to make bottles with him in my arms. They are going to cry period. Sometimes you have to put them down to do things and they will probably be crying at some point.

[Sandie78]

I wish I knew one place not to go cheap at is bottles or diapers. Top brands that are well known for quality have worked best.



Haha :) I'd say just the opposite. Don't waste your money on expensive bottles or diapers. The cheap work just as well.

[SpelKen]

I thought about this thread today...

Having my DS has turned me into his personal rock star. I was never a singer before, not even in the shower, but now I cruise the supermarket singing "Be bop, be bop, be boo, that's you....be bop, be bop, be be, that me..." Just a little ditty I made up for my son. Along with the dancing and shimmying...I had to laugh at myself this morning.

[TracyDP]

I wish someone would have warned me that not everyone gets the "Baby Story" homecoming. If you do, it's wonderful...but there is always a chance you might have a complication or something might be wrong with your baby and they have to stay in the hospital a while, or YOU might have something wrong and have to recover. In my case I had a herniated intestine and ended up having major surgery 18 hours after DD was born and very nearly died. Thank God she had already come out fine, but I was in the hospital for 7 days and recovering for nearly a month. My DH had to step up and care for her for the first week exclusively (in our hotel...I mean hospital, room) then help a LOT the next 3 weeks.

Along with this, I wanted SO BADLY to breastfeed and was so excited for it...and I couldn't. My body was so weak I barely was able to nourish myself let alone get my milk in, but I still tried. I BF as much as I could, about 1oz at a time, for the first 2 weeks and supplimented with formula then I just couldn't do it anymore so it was full time formula from then on. I felt a lot of, well not guilt exactly, but severe disappointment over this. Still do a little to this day.

If you formula feed for whatever reason, don't let BF advocates make you feel guilty. They don't know your reasons and shouldn't judge...unfortunately many do even if they don't mean to. They make is sound like you should BF even if it's making you miserable and you should forge ahead no matter what to make it work. Honestly, if BF is making your life miserable you are wasting precious time with your newborn baby being unhappy an stressed out. I could have kept trying to BF and maybe my milk would have come in eventually, but I was a lot more interested in enjoying the time I had with my newborn and trying to BF was getting in the way of that. Once I gave it up, I was much happier and less stressed. I know BF is a challenge for many people, but they still manage to do it successfully and kudos to them...but I've also seen posts and talked to women who struggle for MONTHS to BF and become depressed over it. I think that those months would have been better spend enjoying their baby more and stressing over feeding less. My DD is perfectly healthy and has hardly been sick (2 minor colds in 18m).

Anyway, not to give you my whole sob story...but just be aware that you may not get the rosy happy birth story and that's OK. DD, DH and I all lived through it and after a month or so things got to a more "normal" place (whatever that is) but to this day I have a hard time watching "Baby Story" because I never had that, and I resented it for a long time.

[wendalah]

LOL on "Baby Story" homecomings. Anyone watch "Bringing Home Baby" or whatever that TLC show is called? My husband and I used to watch that in the early newborn days. We used to evilly wish for horrible nighttime incidents (they NEVER showed anything that bad, but we kept waiting for it).

There was this one episode where a gay couple brought home twins (they had a surrogate mom). When it came time to go to bed, one of the guys said, "And here's Jane! She's our night nurse and she'll be taking care of the twins while we sleep!" My husband got so pissed--he kept saying "Omigod, WHAT A GYP!" :D

[MrsBeckyLP]

Anyone watch "Bringing Home Baby" or whatever that TLC show is called? My husband and I used to watch that in the early newborn days. We used to evilly wish for horrible nighttime incidents (they NEVER showed anything that bad, but we kept waiting for it).

I was watching that (while on maternity leave ;)), and a new dad fell asleep with baby in his arms in bed, and the baby "rolled out" (the dad's arms probably relaxed) and onto the floor! The baby was fine, but I couldn't believe they actually showed that happening. I'm pretty sure it was replayed it a few times.

[gardenmommy]

L

There was this one episode where a gay couple brought home twins (they had a surrogate mom). When it came time to go to bed, one of the guys said, "And here's Jane! She's our night nurse and she'll be taking care of the twins while we sleep!" My husband got so pissed--he kept saying "Omigod, WHAT A GYP!" :D

I remember them! They were really sweet and so excited to bring their girls home...but then one of them talked about how he was excited to get back into the gym and I thought "How in the hell are you going to go to the gym with twins around...and then poof! Out came the nanny!

[numberlady]

Don't attempt any major changes in your house before baby comes. We decided to put wood floors in DH's office about 3 weeks before DS's EDD. It took a really long time to get it all put back together and took a lot of time away from us once we brought DS home.

Try not to compare your baby to your friends baby. Their temperaments may be totally different and it completely rules how your baby will act or react and you just need to learn what is best for your baby.

Breastfeeding is really hard for some people or their babies. If you want to do it, have your resources lined up ahead of time, so that if baby won't latch in the hospital you have someone to call. And if the baby still won't latch when you get home you have someone to call.

[lady1297]

I wish I had gone to La Leche meetings prior to my first child. I was working, so couldn't go to the daytime one 20 minutes away and didn't feel up to driving 20 minutes in the evening. But it was SOOO helpful the second time around to have the support. My boys were slow to gain and having someone to talk to was a life saver, esp the second time around when DS2 got declared Failure to Thrive. God bless those women!

[PG-rated]

Everyone talks about how a new mom can get sleep, but nobody talks about the importance of eating, especially when you're BFing, and that's where I had the hardest time. At first I'd wait until I was hungry to eat, but sometimes hunger coincides with the baby's feeding time, or a crying jag, or a diaper blowout, or all three consecutively, and before you know it you haven't eaten all day. I remember one day I didn't eat or drink enough, and when I woke up for a nighttime feeding I couldn't get out of bed because the whole room was spinning. I also wasn't prepared for needing more food than I needed while pregnant. Keep protein bars on hand, but be sure to eat full meals as often as possible. Don't worry about weight control until things settle down a bit and your day is a little more normal.

[Annette]

No one told me breastfeeding would not be enjoyable for the first 6-8 weeks. I was in so much pain (sore & cracked nipples, but it wasn't thrush) it was difficult not to cry when feeding him and I would dread every feeding. I bought so many nipple creams to use and nothing really worked. The sheer exhaustion got me as well. I knew I wouldn't get much sleep but I thought I would get at least 3-4 hours at a time in the beginning, not 1-2 hours. I didn't know that a feeding would last close to an hour at times and then he'd be hungry again an hour later. From the exhaustion the first month since my brain was in such a fog, I don't remember much of it. I wish I had seen the LC sooner.
I still can't believe DS will be 7 months old soon. Cherish every moment, cause it does fly by.

[steviem]

I wish I would have known that "mothering" was very instinctual and that I should trust my gut/instincts when it comes to taking care of my children.

I became overwhelmed with all of the books out there on every single topic concerning babies and how to care for them. I felt like I had to read every book, do research, etc., in order to be a good mom. It was our pediatrician who finally told me to "Put down the books and use my instincts." He said as long as you love, feed, cloth and don't drop the baby, everything will be fine ;) I soooooooo appreciated him saying that. It put things into perspective for me.

This is not to say that I don't think books and other resources can be helpful with child rearing, but they are not the end all be all.

[K-L-U]

Steviem - You have hit on the head for me. We are expecting our first child in October and I am scared to death of opening any sort of book right now. I just don't want to get all this information and might have to throw it out the window because my child will be completely different. I know our lives are going to change dramatically and I am just not ready to over knowledge myself.

Thanks for all of the advice ladies..

[Annette]

I wish I would have known that "mothering" was very instinctual and that I should trust my gut/instincts when it comes to taking care of my children.

I became overwhelmed with all of the books out there on every single topic concerning babies and how to care for them. I felt like I had to read every book, do research, etc., in order to be a good mom. It was our pediatrician who finally told me to "Put down the books and use my instincts." He said as long as you love, feed, cloth and don't drop the baby, everything will be fine ;) I soooooooo appreciated him saying that. It put things into perspective for me.

This is not to say that I don't think books and other resources can be helpful with child rearing, but they are not the end all be all.


The same thing happened to me. I was so scared that I wouldn't know what to do with a baby, but after he was born, everything just felt so natural.

[MrsBeckyLP]

I am scared to death of opening any sort of book right now. I just don't want to get all this information and might have to throw it out the window because my child will be completely different.

A friend of mine bought me "What to Expect the First Year" as a "congratulations, you're pregnant" gift, and she told me she wished she would have had one when her first was a newborn, because she had so many questions and didn't know where to turn. DD is now 11 months old, and I was cleaning out a basket on our TV stand, where I found the book, which I've never opened! I think so much of what you do is instinct, and it really will just "come" to you. Books can't teach that.

That leads me to another thought. DH and I had visitors in the hospital (of course), but we had told our parents and friends before DD was born that we didn't want visitors again for a week after we came home. We wanted to spend that time getting to know DD and figuring everything out on our own. We did, and I'm so happy we had that time together as a new family of three. It was so relaxed, and I was 100 percent confident in my parenting by the time we did have visitors. If anyone would have told me how to do something, I would have been confident enough to tell them I had my own way!

[K-L-U]

MrsBeckyLP - We gave that same respect to our best friends when they had their kid. We were told we could stop by anytime - they didn't mind. We decided to wait until they were settled and ready for company.

[TracyDP]

Don't bother with 4oz bottles (if you bottle feed). They become obsolete so quickly as babies move to 6oz feedings. Just buy 9 or 11oz bottles and use those, they hold 4oz just as well. Maybe buy 1 or 2 small ones if you really want them for traveling or diaper bag use, but don't waste money on more than that.

[mgrace]

This has been mentioned a couple of times, but expect the unexpected and know that it isn't the end of the world if you can't breastfeed/end up co-sleeping/don't end up co-sleeping/have a c-section, etc. Don't beat yourself up!

Don't be so concerned with catching every. little. thing on film/video. Just make sure you are living in the moment as much as you can. And remember to jump in puddles with your child when he/she gets older. :)

[Twylla]

I wish someone had told me what can happen if you don't wash behind baby's ears well enough. I felt like a horrible mom when I discovered some red "yuck" behind his little ears. I was washing behind there of course, but obviously not well enough. Later, the same thing happened in his neck rolls. It sounds awful, but there are just so many crevices on a baby! A little bit of sweat can breed plenty of bacteria, and his neck still gets sore looking red spots. Ew.

I do wish I'd understood how fast they grow. My DS is now 5.5 months, and is wearing all 9 and 12 month clothes, mostly 12 now. He was 18lbs 12oz at 5 months, which is a bit big, but not HUGE, and yet we've got a TON of clothes he doesn't fit. I mean, I *knew* babies grow fast, but it's another thing to truly see it.

Also, I wish I'd known more about what would happen to my body after giving birth. I had no idea how darn swollen I'd be down below. I was actually afraid to touch myself when I took a PP bath in the hospital. I didn't realize I'd bleed for so long, drip milk all over, and have trouble sitting for so long. I learned quickly to set up my bra, nursing pads, and undies with pad in already before even getting into the shower or bath.

Also, we TTC'd for about 3 years before becoming pregnant, and I spent so much time and energy worrying about that process and educating myself on IVF and metformin and HSGs, that I now find myself trying to remember if I'd ever learned much about babies beyond the first bit. The good news is that it all comes naturally, and it's not worth stressing about not knowing which month is the safe month for starting egg yolks or how many times you have to sing the alphabet to get a baby to take a full does of antibiotics.

[espresso]

bump

[ambula704]

I wish I would have known NOT to take all the tags off the cute baby clothes I received and wash them before baby arrived. I ended up not putting her in all of them but since they have been washed and are with no tags I am stuck with them! (I do plan to keep them for next baby and then consign...but still!)

Also, I stocked up on super duper heavy pads for post-partum. However, I ended up with a c-section and I didnt bleed very heavily. The pads they gave me at the hospital were good for the heaviest days, and normal pads were fine the rest of the time. Now I am stuck with a bunch of pads that I will never use!

I guess my point is that you can TRY to be prepared for the baby before hand, but sometimes doing things ahead of time isn't always the best idea!

[TracyDP]

This has been mentioned a couple of times, but expect the unexpected and know that it isn't the end of the world if you can't breastfeed/end up co-sleeping/don't end up co-sleeping/have a c-section, etc. Don't beat yourself up!

Boy, did I learn this one the hard way! I was totally excited, prepared and looking forward to breast feeding but it just couldn't happen because of an emergency surgery after DD was born (I had a twisted intestine and almost died). My body simply had other priorities than making milk at that time. And my daughter wanted her own space from about 2m old on...no co-sleeping here even though I wanted too. If things don't go just how you want them to be, you have to mourn the loss of whatever it was (breast feeding, natural childbirth, co-sleeping, etc.) and try to enjoy the time you have with your baby.

And remember to jump in puddles with your child when he/she gets older. :)

My 2yr old daughter and I do this every time it rains! She loves it!

[hub1176]

I wish I had been less concerned with how the actual birth was going to go, and more prepared with what would happen after bringing baby home. I wish I had thought ahead and had more meals frozen and ready to go. I wish I would have had our cleaning person come in around my EDD and give the house a top to bottom clean. I also wish I had realized that within a year or so(and even before that), it no longer matters how you delivered, if you b/f'd or ff, how baby slept, etc. Even though those things seem like such a big deal at the time, it's really the least of parenting.

[K-L-U]

Everyone has given some real good advice.

My little one is due any day now but one thing I have learned. Everyone gives advice, comments and opinions. As nice as it is at the beginning because I have learned a few things here and there, it gets old after a while.

"You look tired today."
"Oh, you made it to work today." (Because I am so close to my due date).

They keep coming. I just smile and go on and deep down I just want them to stop making comments. Then I get on facebook and fent. LOL!!

[j*east]

I wish I had been less concerned with how the actual birth was going to go, and more prepared with what would happen after bringing baby home. I wish I had thought ahead and had more meals frozen and ready to go. I wish I would have had our cleaning person come in around my EDD and give the house a top to bottom clean. I also wish I had realized that within a year or so(and even before that), it no longer matters how you delivered, if you b/f'd or ff, how baby slept, etc. Even though those things seem like such a big deal at the time, it's really the least of parenting.

Very true...labor and delivery is a day (or a few days) and the other stuff lasts much longer...but even then it doesn't last forever!

[NotDesperate]

I wish I had known that babies can shoot poo, that boys can pee on their own heads and that even girls can pee straight out on you during a diaper change. I never stand at the end of my babies to change them anymore!

[MichelleRenee]

Don't bother with 4oz bottles (if you bottle feed). They become obsolete so quickly as babies move to 6oz feedings. Just buy 9 or 11oz bottles and use those, they hold 4oz just as well. Maybe buy 1 or 2 small ones if you really want them for traveling or diaper bag use, but don't waste money on more than that.

Or you could have a baby like mine who at 10 months has still never taken more than 4 ounces in a feeding so it was the bigger bottles that were a waste for us.

I'd say the real tip here is not to stock up on a ton of any one thing because you never know if, when the time comes, it will be the right size or if your baby will like the ones you buy - bottles, nipples, pacifiers, etc.

[amew]

Or you could have a baby like mine who at 10 months has still never taken more than 4 ounces in a feeding so it was the bigger bottles that were a waste for us.

Agreed. We never got any use out of the 8 oz. bottles I bought. (Although DS was BF and only took bottles at day care or when I was away, so maybe he was just used to smaller but more frequent feedings.)

My one thing: I wish I had set some limits up front on out of town visitors. We had people visiting constantly for the first month or so (and my MIL camped out for basically 3 weeks straight), and I nearly lost my mind. I usually like my ILs and don't really mind company, but it was just too much. This time around, we are going to give people dates that they can come and stick to that. None of this coming to visit and just staying for weeks on end.

[tandt]

I'm sure many, if not all, of these have been mentioned, but there are my 'wish had known' things....

- That BF isn't necessarily as serene like you see in the magazines-- it initially takes a lot of work and doesn't always work out (like in my case-- my milk didn't come in).

- That although I had a c/s, I'd friggin' bleed for WEEKS afterwards. Hindsight, it makes perfect sense that the 'stuff' has to go somewhere, but NO ONE ever told me this.

- That although the comforting thought of having your mom around when the baby comes home sounds like a good idea, it can be one of the worst you'll ever have!

- That anything can happen during the p/g-- get prepared early. I went on bedrest (home & hospital) and didn't have things done. I spent weeks after coming home trying to catch up.

- That sometimes people scare you into how rough/tough the experience will be and it's not as bad as you expected. OMG, my friends and family made it out like having twins was going to basically be the death of me!

- That you'll (hopefully) never think you can love your DH any more when he looks at the little one(s) with sweet, loving tears in his eyes-- even when they're being fussy and not so cute!

[KiKi'sMommy]

I wish I had known that I would wake up one day and my "babies" would be four and two. I know that sounds odd, but when I was in the midst of breastfeeding struggles and sleepless nights, I felt like it was never going to end. People have always told me that kids grow up fast, but I never really understood until now. Enjoy those early days, when all they want is to eat, sleep and poop. :) They really do grow up fast!

[TracyDP]

I wish I had known that I would wake up one day and my "babies" would be four and two. I know that sounds odd, but when I was in the midst of breastfeeding struggles and sleepless nights, I felt like it was never going to end. People have always told me that kids grow up fast, but I never really understood until now. Enjoy those early days, when all they want is to eat, sleep and poop. :) They really do grow up fast!

I was just thinking about this tonight. My DD (2yrs) STTN the majority of the time (all thanks to her, it's just been her nature) and tonight she woke up at 11pm crying with gas from dinner that apparently didn't agree with her. I picked her up, gave her a cold water sippy and rocked her for a few minutes and she passed some trucker caliber gas, then immediately curled up and went back to sleep in my lap as I sang to her. I started crying because it is very very rare that she falls asleep in my lap, or needs comforting at night for any reason, and I realized I miss it. :o Not that this means I'm going to feed her chicken chili for dinner again any time soon...:rolleyes:

[miaclear]

I wish someone had told me how easy it is to just have one baby. That although your life has just changed completely it is NOTHING like having two babies and a toddler. I often wish I could go back and relive DSs infancy and bask in the glory of having one again :)

[sea74]

To be prepared for a lot of guilt. I'm shocked how guilty I feel all the time. I feel guilty that I pick up one crying baby over the other, even if I scoop the other up two seconds later. I feel guilty that I want them to nap and can't wait for bedtime some nights. I feel guilty that I don't know what I'm doing and that I'm short changing them. I feel guilty that nursing didn't work out. I feel guilty that I didn't pump for a year. I feel guilty when I got scrapbooking once a month. I feel guilty that I'm not getting enough one-on-one time w/each kid, etc.

AHHHHHH the GUILT!

[tandt]

To be prepared for a lot of guilt. I'm shocked how guilty I feel all the time. I feel guilty that I pick up one crying baby over the other, even if I scoop the other up two seconds later. I feel guilty that I want them to nap and can't wait for bedtime some nights. I feel guilty that I don't know what I'm doing and that I'm short changing them. I feel guilty that nursing didn't work out. I feel guilty that I didn't pump for a year. I feel guilty when I got scrapbooking once a month. I feel guilty that I'm not getting enough one-on-one time w/each kid, etc.

AHHHHHH the GUILT!

It's like you're reading my mind!

[TracyDP]

Yeah, got some guilt over here too. I got over a lot of the guilt when I was sick over last Christmas and DD just had to roll with the punches (staying with Nana for 2 weeks, going to my friends house every day while DH went to work when she's used to being at home, having DH take over most of the daily maintenance and wake-ups). I looked at it this way: I was sick and miserable recovering from surgery, DH was stressed out over me being sick and having to take care of DD, and DD just had to take one for the team. We all had to sacrifice something to get through that, including DD. Now I know how tough and resiliant she is I don't worry about her nearly as much as I used to. Guilt makes me tired and I decided I just couldn't hold onto it anymore or it was going to kill me and affect how I interacted with DD.

[adoredh]

Practical: No one, and I swear I didn't read this in any of the books, told me about night sweats! I soaked through the sheets, my clothes. Between nursing my son every 2 hours, and waking up in between with night sweats, I was a zombie! I wish someone had told me, so that I could stock up on extra PJ shirts and sleep nursing bras. I only had one sleep bra at first!

Enjoy doing nothing but helping your child grow the first couple of weeks. Let your dishes sit in the sink for a couple hours longer, or even an exta day (wink wink) and cuddle. I had a CS and complications, and I was forced to live in my recliner for over 3 weeks. I'm so very greatful I had that time with my son. I wasn't allowed to do any house work, not even fix my own meals, DH had to do that before he left for work. After the fact (hated it during) I was so glad that I was forced to rest. My son and I enjoyed so many special moments in that chair, that I know I would have missed out on if I hadn't had complications. So I'm greatful for them, and so, rest and enjoy your baby.

[Pine Tree]

That you don't have to 'entertain' the baby every moment they are awake. I never let DD just hang out by herself and chill while I read a magazine. I wish I had done more of that while I could.

[L and L]

I can't remember if someone posted this earlier, but that you may not feel crazy about and in love with your baby right away (or even for a bunch of weeks) but that does not mean that (1) you are a bad mom or (2) that those feelings won't develop eventually.

I was prepared for not feeling crazy in love right away but had HUGE guilt and felt terrible when it was 4 or 5 weeks and it still hadn't happened. Yet, somewhere along the way it definitely did and now I'm just crazy about DD and love her in a way I didn't know was possible.

[mgrace]

I wish I had known that I would wake up one day and my "babies" would be four and two. I know that sounds odd, but when I was in the midst of breastfeeding struggles and sleepless nights, I felt like it was never going to end. People have always told me that kids grow up fast, but I never really understood until now.
This. And it's the one thing I tell my friends.

[larslobster]

The one thing I wish I'd known was just how difficult a colicky baby can be. I expected the hardest part of having a newborn would be having to feed DD every two or three hours and the lack of sleep involved with that. What DH and I were not prepared for is a child that cried constantly from day 1 through month 3, didn't sleep, couldn't be put down for more than 5 minutes at a time and needed to be walked around ALL.DAY.LONG.

[PookiePrincess]

I wish I had known that an otherwise healthy, full-term baby can have issues and go to the NICU. DD was born the day after her due date, was over 8 1/2 pounds and had fluid in her lungs that didn't clear quick enough. She spent 24 hours in the NICU. I NEVER expected NICU time for my full term baby.

[KiKi'sMommy]

I wish I had known that an otherwise healthy, full-term baby can have issues and go to the NICU. DD was born the day after her due date, was over 8 1/2 pounds and had fluid in her lungs that didn't clear quick enough. She spent 24 hours in the NICU. I NEVER expected NICU time for my full term baby.

Our DS was in the same situation. He was full-term, born via c-section, but could not clear his lungs. He was very close to going to the NICU.

[bensgirl1222]

That you don't have to 'entertain' the baby every moment they are awake. I never let DD just hang out by herself and chill while I read a magazine. I wish I had done more of that while I could.

I so agree with this!!! If they are content in their bouncer, let them be! LOL

[jenf9]

Oh my gosh, yes. I wish I would have taken advantage of that when I just had one... with 3 there's just no downtime! I can't just lie around (like I'd like to) because there's always someone who needs attention or needs me to make a lunch, or snack, or whatever.

[K-L-U]

I wish I had known that an otherwise healthy, full-term baby can have issues and go to the NICU. DD was born the day after her due date, was over 8 1/2 pounds and had fluid in her lungs that didn't clear quick enough. She spent 24 hours in the NICU. I NEVER expected NICU time for my full term baby.

This...My son is in the NICU right now. Had an apenic episode where he stopped breathing. He was born a full term, healthy baby. He ended up having another one. The hardest thing has been not being able to get into a routine. You feel guilty for not being able to be there 24 hours a day but you have to take care of yourself too.

[hub1176]

This...My son is in the NICU right now. Had an apenic episode where he stopped breathing. He was born a full term, healthy baby. He ended up having another one. The hardest thing has been not being able to get into a routine. You feel guilty for not being able to be there 24 hours a day but you have to take care of yourself too.


KLU - Hugs!! Sending good thoughts and prayers your way.

[K-L-U]

Thanks Hub. They don't talk about NICU's during childbirth classes. It is an emotional rollercoaster that I wish no one has to experience.

[TracyDP]

Thanks Hub. They don't talk about NICU's during childbirth classes. It is an emotional rollercoaster that I wish no one has to experience.

FWIW I found my childbirth class to be a complete waste of time. All it did was get me even more excited and focused on the wonderful things about the childbirth experience. It turned out I was one of the "oh, that almost never happens...don't even think about that" group.

I hope everything is OK with your DS K-L-U and you can take him home very soon.

[sea74]

K-L-U You feel guilty for not being able to be there 24 hours a day but you have to take care of yourself too. I hope your son is able to come home very soon. NICU stays are not easy. When my DDs were there, the hospital let me stay for free until they were released. Maybe your hospital has the same policy. HUGS!

[TracyDP]

K-L-U I hope your son is able to come home very soon. NICU stays are not easy. When my DDs were there, the hospital let me stay for free until they were released. Maybe your hospital has the same policy. HUGS!

It's always good to ask for what you need because you will probably get it. I had emergency surgery 18 hours after DD was born for a herniated intestine, very nearly died, and spent the first 7 days of DD's new life in the hospital. They initially put me in a small older room and with DD's basinette and the crappy "recliner" bed thing in there for DH is was horribly cramped. It only took me a couple of hours to ask the nurse if there was any way we could be moved to one of the new remodeled rooms I knew they had on the next floor. She looked around, saw how cramped we were, and within an hour they were moving us to what was almost like a hotel room. Big nice bathroom, plenty of room for DD and a loveseat size fold out bed/couch for DH. I can't even imagine what it would have been like if I hadn't asked to be moved and we'd spent that whole week in the cramped little room.

[kristin]

I wish I had known that one should never make any major life-altering decisions when one is pregnant or up to 6 mo post-partum. Personally, I lack the clarity to think unemotionally enough to make a wise decision when my hormones are all screwed up. Decisions that can't be undone.

[mgrace]

The one thing I wish I'd known was just how difficult a colicky baby can be. I expected the hardest part of having a newborn would be having to feed DD every two or three hours and the lack of sleep involved with that. What DH and I were not prepared for is a child that cried constantly from day 1 through month 3, didn't sleep, couldn't be put down for more than 5 minutes at a time and needed to be walked around ALL.DAY.LONG.
That too. ;) It's HARD.

[lady1297]

I wish I had known that one should never make any major life-altering decisions when one is pregnant or up to 6 mo post-partum. Personally, I lack the clarity to think unemotionally enough to make a wise decision when my hormones are all screwed up. Decisions that can't be undone.

I agree. We had a guy come to the door two days after DS3 was born and asked if we wanted a security system. I was interested, they were offering a great deal, but I told him that I don't make decisions for 6 months after I had a baby (with baby in my arms), he looked at me like I had three heads. Needless to say, we didn't buy his system and it's "not possible" for him to return -uh yeah, right.

[marchfamily]

The Bad - That sleep deprivation is awful during the early months.
The Good - That somedays you'd go back to those early days just to hold and snuggle that baby that seems to grow up right before your eyes. It goes so fast.

[adamseve]

The one thing I wish I'd known was just how difficult a colicky baby can be. I expected the hardest part of having a newborn would be having to feed DD every two or three hours and the lack of sleep involved with that. What DH and I were not prepared for is a child that cried constantly from day 1 through month 3, didn't sleep, couldn't be put down for more than 5 minutes at a time and needed to be walked around ALL.DAY.LONG.

Yes!! Just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel.