SAHMs, what do you do when you just can't take it anymore?

[emschwar]

We've had a bad week. Noah's been whiney and clingy and fighting his naps with ever fiber of his being. I've had it. I'm snapping at him, my patience is gone, and I need a break. DH is no help - when I told him he needed to take some time off or I was going to lose it, he told me to go hang out with other moms. When I told him that wouldn't help, that I needed to get away from DS, he said he'd see if maybe he could come home early and make up the work from home this evening.

I need some ideas. What does everyone else do when their kids are driving them nuts? A nap would probably help things a lot, but it doesn't look like that's going to happen this afternoon.

[Sal03]

I make DH come home early and go for a manicure pedicure. :D
Or if I am at my wits end and I need instant gratification, I just put DS in front of a video and go lay on my bed and watch tv or just lay there and de-stress

[Natasha]

Lord, can I sypathize! My son is "high energy" and highly mischevious. There have been days where I truly didn't think I would be able to keep my sanity. I try to take deep breaths, and remember he's a "baby", and not being like this on purpose. Then, when my SO gets home, I hand the baby off and either lock myself in another room, or head for the door. Sometimes you just NEED some alone time! Obviously, I can't do this everyday, but sometimes, there's no other option if I wish to preserve my sanity!

[Jen1098]

Well usually DH can't come home early so I'm stuck until he finally gets home.
I've put him in the car, went to the drive thru starbucks and drove around a few minutes. Luckily for me he usually loves being in the car. And I don't know what I'd do with out drive thru starbucks!!!!

What about going for a walk?

I've had those days and sometimes I feel so quilty that I'm acutally annoyed by own child.

[dal]

Oh am I having one of those weeks. My 8 month old is just being soooo clingy. It is driving me nuts. My thing is to just get out of the house as much as possible. Although this morning, that didn't even work b/c she made me carry her so I was stuck carrying her and pushing my 2 year old in a double stroller. :mad:

So I am interested in suggestions too.

I did not know about drive through starbucks. I must see if there is one near me.

[dziner]

Oh, Em, I hear ya. And with this sh*tty weather there's not much hope for getting outside to burn off some energy. When it's NOT raining, the pool is a huge help. I've had some bad weeks this summer myself, and even though getting the kid into a swim dipe and suit can make me want to run screaming from the house, once we get to the pool it gets better. She plays in the baby pool, I basically sit and allow myself to be "watered," and a Good Humor bar helps enormously. ;) Or you can go to McDonald's and share a chocolate milkshake with the kid; let him play in their playland thingie. If both of you need a little ice cream indulgence to make it through another afternoon, so be it! If you can't go anywhere, stick a movie in like asian said. Make yourself an iced coffee, stick a pile of pillows on the floor, and let Noah think he's gone to heaven while you look through a jjill catalog or something.

[emschwar]

Oh, Em, I hear ya. And with this sh*tty weather there's not much hope for getting outside to burn off some energy. When it's NOT raining, the pool is a huge help. I've had some bad weeks this summer myself, and even though getting the kid into a swim dipe and suit can make me want to run screaming from the house, once we get to the pool it gets better. She plays in the baby pool, I basically sit and allow myself to be "watered," and a Good Humor bar helps enormously. ;) Or you can go to McDonald's and share a chocolate milkshake with the kid; let him play in their playland thingie. If both of you need a little ice cream indulgence to make it through another afternoon, so be it! If you can't go anywhere, stick a movie in like asian said. Make yourself an iced coffee, stick a pile of pillows on the floor, and let Noah think he's gone to heaven while you look through a jjill catalog or something.
Yeah, this weather really bites. Alas, we can't share a milkshake, since N's dairy intolerant. But I can have one :)
I always forget about the McD's play place. Probably because the one nearest us doesn't have one. Do you have to be able to walk to play in it? Noah cruises and crawls, but no walking yet. Last thing I want is another place to play where I have to cart him around the whole time.

[vjel]

I've had weeks like this and its really hard, so I totally sympathize! I used to stand at the door when I would hear DH come home and hand dd off to him before he even set foot in the house. :o

I agree with the other ladies, just get out of the house w/ Noah if you can. I know you're not getting a break from him but at least you're getting out of your environment (less likely to lose it w/ him when you're in public). Sometimes being at home all day can be annoying in itself. Head to the mall. My dd is almost 15mos. but I think she's still too young for those play areas at the Mall. So I usually will find another spot w/ seating and let her roam around to her hearts content while I sit there w/ my Starbucks. :p

Even if he does fight his naps, would you be ok to just leave him in his crib for a few minutes so you can decompress? Are there other stay at home moms around who'd be willing to watch Noah for an hour so you can get out by yourself? I have neighbors who have offered to do this for me, but I haven't taken them up on it yet.

I don't know if that helped. :o but I hope your week gets better!

[happy1nuv]

i generally call my mother, whose job is local and time-friendly (she can usually cut out early with little notice). just knowing there is a break in sight is generally enough to get me to whenever she can make it over (shes a lot closer than dh)....

if i didnt have her, i would so be looking for a neighborhood mothers helper...

[Franni]

Not a SAHM, but I did this when I was on maternity leave. This is going to be hard, but if you are really at wit's end. My suggestion is to give Noah lots of hugs and kisses, then put him down in his crib or a pack 'n play - anywhere safe and leave the room for 5 minutes or so. Just walk away for a few minutes. Wash your face, get yourself something to drink and breathe.

Give yourself a mini break.

[dziner]

I took Ava to a Playland back before she was walking, and she would have been fine in it; she just didn't WANT to go in. But she loved the fries!! She also loves water...you could take him to a mall or someplace with an indoor fountain and let him cruise around it. Ava thinks that is the coolest thing ever. I'm sure you could get a fruit smoothie in the food court and keep the kiddo happy for an hour or two. If that nap doesn't come, push him around till he zonks out. Desperate times call for desperate measures! That's what I do on vacation when Ava is weirded out by a PNP in a strange room...let her stroller nap while I get a walk in.

[ButterflyJen]

sympathizing, as we had one of those weeks last week. :( it got to the point where I could not wait for DH to get home so I could escape.

Definitely try getting out of the house, if you can. Anna loves her pool, so that usually settles her down too. I know the weather sucks for taking walks and such - is there any type of indoor activity you can take him to? A children's hour at the library? A kids' activity time at a museum? Anything like that?

[vjel]

I forgot to mention in my previous post that this holds true for me as well:

originally posted by asianbear07
I try to take deep breaths, and remember he's a "baby", and not being like this on purpose.

There have been a couple times where I flew off the handle and afterwards felt so bad for yelling at dd. :( I never want to yell at her like that again. It really has helped when I'm having one of those days (or weeks) to remind myself that she IS a baby, she doesn't know and she's not being like that to get on my nerves on purpose. Its so hard sometimes when the kids can't talk and tell you what they need or what's wrong...sometimes for me, it adds to the frustration.

[Natasha]

It totally adds to the frustration! There are some days where I just want to scream and run away! I agree with getting out of the house, although sometimes that is just as much of a hassle. I LOVE our on demand feature with our cable. DS can watch Dora or Blues Clues, with no commercials, and I can read. The coolest part is watching him learn to interact with the shows. Oh, that's another thing. I have learned to focus big time on all the cool stuff he does. He can get into sooooo much trouble and be sooo rotten. But man, sometimes he says or does the coolest thing, I can't help but grin or laugh out loud. When he does, I call my mom or FH and tell them, and focus on that.

[Toonces]

I too can empathize. DD is going through major separation anxiety at 10 months old and my arms are about to fall off. Does Noah tolerate a shopping cart? My DD loves being out and about, looking at other people. So I do the rounds - Target, grocery store, Wal-Mart, Kohl's... whereever I can get out and push her around in a cart. Do you guys belong to Gymboree? If so, you might want to check out their "open gym" time.

Hugs and I hope this pass for you soon!

[Koala_Gurl]

It becomes a pain, but getting out of the house definitely helps me. I go to the mall, Walmart, grocery shopping, but DD usually likes to look at people. Plus, it makes me feel human again too. :)

[lynnh]

Hey, Em. I hope you survived the day! As you know, Aaron was like this today too. We took a bath, and that helped for a bit. I was actually just going to take a shower, but he put the bubble container in the tub and said "bubbles!", so I took the hint. That doesn't mean he wasn't crabby an hour later, but at least he was happy for that short time.

[emschwar]

Well, we got through today. DH came home early, so I went scrapbook shopping by myself ( :D ) and picked up boston market for dinner.

vjel - I snapped at Noah more times today that I care to admit. :o I felt terrible afterwards.

asianbear07 - He's been watching a lot of tv lately. Probably too much. The problem is that he's not happy just sitting and watching tv. He has to climb all over me while he does it. :rolleyes:

catgirl1007 - we do go to gymboree, but there's only 2 open gym times every week, and one is at dinner/bedtime. It's really not helpful. Noah'll tolerate the shopping cart some, but he has to eat the entire time we shop. And if he's pissy, forget it. He'll just throw things from the cart, and whine if I don't give him more stuff to hold.

Lynn - I'll have to remember the bath idea.

You know, it's funny, normally, Noah's a dream. Easy going, happy, and fun. But man, he's a little terror this week. Damn teeth.

[maggieb]

I'm sorry it's been a bad week, Em, but glad that DH came home early so you could get some time to yourself.

Right before the baby came, Helena was a holy terror. I think she sensed that something was about to change. She was about to drive me crazy. Whiny, clingy, so not independent, etc. My only saving grace was visiting with dziner and Sept and venting. Also, driving around helped since she still gets her paci in the car and she's relatively quiet. Sometimes I would just drive around so I could get some kinda me time. The best was when DH started taking her to swim lessons on Saturday mornings and I stayed home by myself. It was heaven for 2 hours! DH saw how much it helped me and even though swim class is over, he takes her either to the pool or to the park in the mornings on the weekends. It's a lifesaver (hers and mine) and she and daddy get some quality time together that was sorely needed.

I hope it gets better for you soon. We should plan another DC mama get together again!

[emschwar]

We should plan another DC mama get together again!
We should! There's talk of a DC/MD/VA everyone (not just moms) get together on the DC/MD/VA thread (don't know if you're on that thread or not) later this month. But a mama get together would be cool too! Maybe once it cools down a little, or somewhere inside.

[MrsTazlvr]

I could have written your OP today. DD was impossible and I called DH crying because I had no patience and felt like the worst mommy in the world. OK, so the pregnancy hormones didn't help. LOL I am glad I am not the only one dealing with this though.

I find that taking DD somewhere, anywhere each day helps. And I second what others said about a video/tv. I put DD in her crib and put on Sesame Street when I need a break. She learns from the show so I don't mind letting her watch. I will have to try going somewhere with ice cream that we can share or coffee for me. Sounds like heaven.

It is sometimes hard to remember that they are babies and don't mean it. Sometimes the look in their eyes seems like they are being devious on purpose. I swear sometimes DD does it to spite me. Those are the times that I really need to just count to ten and walk away if I can for a minute or two. Sometimes I put on music when we are both stressed and it helps. She likes to dance and as they say, music soothes the savage beast. ;)

[prudies]

I've been having a horrible time lately. I'm so glad to have found this thread.

I'm really afraid, ladies. I get so angry at times. I'm terrified I'll become this monster.

Elliott has been near impossible to put down for naps. And when he only takes one, he acts tired, whiny, clingy, etc. I wish I could be light-hearted about it. And sometimes I can be, but sometimes I'm just awful.

The problem is I feel like I never know what to do. I go out of the house, and he seems to get over-tired. I go home and try to put him down and he won't.

I'm actually going to a sleep consultant tomorrow! :rolleyes: Just for naps. Lame, I know. But I really need some help in structuring my day before I lose it. :( I'm really sad about this. I'm thinking I need to get a job quick, and send Elliott to daycare. And that makes me feel like a failure as a mother.

[tinkerbelljenny]

I agree with the other moms that getting out of the house totally helps! However, if it gets really bad, sometimes I will lock myself in my room only for a few mintues just to breathe and get myself together. Also, I will put a DVD on or he will watch Sesame Street and he will calm down for that 30-60 minutes which is heaven to me!

[ButterflyJen]

prudies - your post sounds exactly like us. The whiny, clingy, one-nap-taking stuff (and that nap's usually about 1/2 hour, tops). We moms need more than 1/2 hour to regroup and get ready for the next round!


ITA about going back to work/sending Anna to daycare. It makes me sad to even think about doing that. Makes me feel like a failure for even considering it. (We're not, of course, but it just feels that way.)

I hope the sleep consultant helps you - we had a fluke day of good naps yesterday, but I am positive that was just a fluke. Hopefully you'll get some good suggestions and tips for helping Elliott sleep better.

[marathongirl]

I could have written every post on this thread! DD will be 11 months old next week and there are days I want to lock myself in the bathroom and scream. Most of it is due to sleep deprivation since I'm still up a few times a night and she's not a good napper. We had a string of about three good sleep weeks and I thought we had finally turned a corner, but then teeth started coming in.

I've only been a SAHM for 2 months and lately there are many days I wonder if I made a mistake.

Getting out of the house usually helps unless DD is so overtired she's inconsolable. Or I go down to my parents' for the day but they live 45 mins away and it's an expensive trip with the cost of gas these days.

I do belong to a MOMS Club and we usually make it to one activity each week and I very much look forward to that. Speaking of which - we are off to pick peaches!

[Jen1098]

Prudies -Don't feel bad about seeing a sleep consultant. If Josh didn't have his naps I would die. Right now I'm lucky b/c he's a great napper but I'm dreading the time when he transitions to 1.
There have certainly been days when I've wanted to to go get a job and put Josh in day care. Now that he's older I don't think it would be such a bad thing b/c he would really benefit from being around other children.

Does your area have Mothers day out programs? I believe they are run mostly through churches but you don't need to be a member. I think I have one or two here but have never done it. My gf did it in Florida and she said it was great. She took her ds once a week for a few hours and she just went off on her own.
Or you could put him in daycare twice a week part time from like 9-12.

Do you belong to a gym? If so maybe you could go work out and put Elliot in the child care?


Sometimes it's so hard staying home and I can't complain to most of my friends b/c they all work and most of them would kill to stay home with their babies.

MrsTazlvr -It's funny we know they aren't doing it on purpose but sometiems I gotta wonder. Josh will go for the electrical outlets, shake his head no and continue going after it. :rolleyes:

emschwar I'm glad your dh came home early . Hopefully today is a better day. JOsh is the same way with constantly needing to eat while out shopping. It's my fault though-I started him with that bad habit and now he'll reach for my purse b/c he knows that's where the snacks are.

[emschwar]

Jen - how do you find out about mom's day out programs? We're not a member of a church, but I'd love a MDO thing! The worst part about snacking while shopping is he always has to eat crap - cookies! Sometimes I slice up an apple and bring that, but that's too much prep work for an unplanned outing.

[dziner]

I don't know if any of you saw it, but a couple weeks ago I started a thread on being burned out by my toddler. I got a lot of helpful advice there. I'll see if I can bump it up.

Anyway, the main thing I learned was that DD has mini-phases...that is, she'll have a week where I am THIS CLOSE to dropping her off at an unsuspecting neighbor's, leaving DH a note and scramming. Swear to g-d. And then, somehow, the week will end (not necessarily a calendar week) and she'll shift into a new, infinitely better phase, one where every little thing we do ISN'T a battle, where she eats well, sleeps well, stops screaming NO all the time. We are in that mini-phase now...and I very well could come here next week complaining that it has come to an end but maybe y'all could remind me that in a few days' time that too will change.

prudies and others with nap challenges: a couple weeks ago, DD suddenly went from this easy bedtime/naptime chick to screaming bloody murder whenever we put her down. I don't know what her deal was, but over the weekend she seemed to settle back down. So whatever battles you are having with your DCs could very well be some weird blip they're going through developmentally. I don't think it's lame in the least for seeking a sleep consultant's help...you're bound to learn some helpful tips at the very least.

Some other ideas I found/heard/read that might save you from your kids and yourselves when they are hard to occupy at home: let them "paint" the driveway with water. Make ice cubes using food coloring and put them in the baby pool (from Parenting). We do Playdoh, bubbles outside, chalk a lot. DD likes to water the plants with her watering can or even some cups. Make popsicles out of lemonade or juice and sit outside with them, even if you have to strip the kid down so it's not a sticky mess. Put vodka in yours if you aren't pregnant (what I wouldn't give for a big ole glass of wine some days!!!). ;) Hang in there.

[Jen1098]

emschwar - When I was googling my area looking for mommy and me classes I came across a thing for mom's day out. Of course now when I'm looking for it I can't find it. :rolleyes:
Maybe you could find a couple of churches in your area and call and see if they offer anything. From what I understand you don't need to be a member of the church. My gf said it was like $25 or so for the day(money I'd gladly spend)
When I was at the park last week a mother I spoke to mentioned Mops(mothers of preschoolers) held at a local church. Said you don't need to be a member. I guess they have discussions, speakers etc. and the children go downstairs to the daycare. I don't think that's something I'd want b/c I'm not sure if it's relgious themed and I'm just not into that.

[ButterflyJen]

Dang, dziner, I'm loving the colored ice cubes. Anna would go for that in a heartbeat!

[twinnyme]

I'm not a full-time SAHM, but I work part-time and am home on Mondays, Fridays, and of course the weekend with DD. And by Tuesday I'm ready to go back to work - plus she gets stimulation at daycare. And even with only being home 4 consecutive days each week, it still gets tough sometimes.

I really am posting to comment on some of you who have had your DC watch Sesame Street.... My mother, who had three girls under the age of 2 by the time she was 25, and stayed home (while our dad worked two jobs), said that on Saturday mornings there used to be marathons of Sesame Street on.... They used to re-run all the week's episodes. She said that was the best morning of her week! Of course this was in 1973 but it's still a classic, and it is on in our areas from 8:30 a.m. to 9:30 a.m. so DD and I watch it together (if she's awake) while I have a cup of coffee, and I'm (somewhat) ready for the day after that.

[Renrel]

When I was a SAHM we did much more tv than was recommended - all baby einstein. I also had a mommy group once a week and for 12 weeks of the year also had a enrichment class. These helped alot. I also had my mom either coming to visit or me going to her at least every 6 weeks during which I got a break. She would give me at least one night where she did night duty so I could sleep through. I also had a mothers helper for a few months which also was such a help.

But that was when he was an infant. A toddler is diffent world entirely. I was just starting to think about switching off with another mom when I went back to work. You take both kids for a few hours during the week and then I will. extra work in exchange for some off time. I think if I was still a SAHM I would be looking into part time daycare, both for my sanity and to give my kid a chance to learn social skills which I personally think are best learned being with others outside of mommies oversight.

Good luck - I have the greatest respect for stay at home moms. I dream of working part time not full time, and I have a pretty easy kid (so far). 24/7 with a toddler has got to be one of the most challenging and exhausting jobs on the planet.