So Frustrated

[hub1176]

I know there is a PT thread, but this is more of a vent than asking for advice.

Anyway DD will not go on the potty. She refuses. She has peed on it 2 times, once because she simply couldn't hold it anymore, the other time she cried the entire time and I had to physically hold her and rub her back. She has all the readiness signs. I've tried introducing it slowly, tried cold turkey, bought the wetting doll, and let me just tell you about all the "treats" used to entice her...nadda. I have given up for now, and plan on trying again in a bit, but she is signed up for preschool in September and needs to be PT.

[ktdelsur]

How old is she? Is she in "big girl underwear?"

My advice - underwear all the time, no PullUps, etc. Then she can immediately feel wet/dirty and hopefully get the idea.

[Brady]

My son sounds like your daughter was. I finally trained my son like the PP described. Just told him one day a month or so ago- okay, you are a big boy now and are going to wear your BB undies, no more diapers. He was certainly not happy about it and it was the longest three days of my life (I wanted to give up MANY times and couldn't believe how much OxyClean I was using on now pee stained carpets), but on day 4 it just all clicked for him and he pees like a pro in there now, overnight he stays dry, etc. In our case a sticker chart and lots of candy worked (the 1st day he wanted nothing to do with either, and came around to it and got excited about both things after he made it in the potty once) In our case though, pooping is a whole 'notha story... ;)

If you are determined to do it, give it at least 3 days- it's so hard not to give in, but stick with it!!

[Ellyn]

Well, where do I sign up?
Anyway DD will not go on the potty. She refuses. She has peed on it 2 times, once because she simply couldn't hold it anymore, the other time she cried the entire time and I had to physically hold her and rub her back. She has all the readiness signs. I've tried introducing it slowly, tried cold turkey, bought the wetting doll, and let me just tell you about all the "treats" used to entice her...nadda. I have given up for now, and plan on trying again in a bit, but she is signed up for preschool in September and needs to be PT.

This is us too - including the preschool part. :( I understand your frustration. I don't know what to do either. Some people recommended Potty Power (DVD)...my library is looking for it for me so I don't have to buy it, but it may be worth the 12-15 dollars.

Yesterday I started the underwear...I'll let you know how it goes - someone also suggested buying the thicker potty training cloth pants...they'll at least absorb some and they'll still feel pretty wet.

Just thought I'd let you know...I SYMPATHIZE! :o

[hub1176]

Thank you! We have done the undies, and then no undies. She will hold it until her belly hurts but won't go on the potty....

[ktdelsur]

Hmm. The back and forth of undies/diapers/undies/diapers is probably confusing. I still vote for switching to undies 24/7. Do you have a small separate potty, or are you making her go on the big potty with a seat?

The potty we bought can be taken apart, and the seat can be put on the big potty. If she's "afraid" of the potty somehow, maybe change that part up - either get a stepstool and a potty seat for the regular potty, or maybe get one of the potty seats that plays music when you pee in it (that's what we have).

[hub1176]

We have 2 potty seats, and one has the ring that comes off to adjust the big potty. We give her the choice of which potty she wants to sit on. We tried to go "hard core" and ditch the diapers but she refused to wear underwear, so we went commando. The biggest issue was that she would hold her urine all. day. long. and would cry because she was in pain. But she would have a tantrum when we would try to get her to sit on the potty. Our thought was that she would get a UTI, and then be even more afraid. Also we know there would be resistance, but this seems extreme - dragging a child kicking and screaming to the potty...:eek:
All this said, Monday DH is home for the summer (he's a teacher) and he says potty training boot camp will commence.

[Ellyn]

All this said, Monday DH is home for the summer (he's a teacher) and he says potty training boot camp will commence.

Us too...I'm the teacher in our family and will be done for the summer this Friday...and we'll also be joining you in boot camp. ;) Keep us updated - and report back with suggestions if yours "gets it" before mine! :D

[moderngal]

yeah- I'm there. I wanted DS to be potty trained prior to me giving birth to #2, but it looks like that's not gonna happen. :rolleyes: he seems to do better while naked. but undies or pull-ups make no difference to him.
potty power is on my netflix queue- maybe that will help. i'm not holding my breath though.

[Katie1]

We are in the same boat, and I decided to ditch the diapers and only put her in underwear until she gets it. Today was Day 1, we started mid-day so only one accident to clean up.

I was just wondering, for those who did it this way, did you put a diaper on them when you were leaving the house? Or did you just not go out for three days? I am worried that allowing her to have a dipaer when we go out will slow things down quite a bit, but then again we have a lot going on right now and it will be the end of July before I have several days where we won't have to leave the house. I'm also keeping her in a Pullup at night- is this a good idea or no?

[ThreeYell]

hub, is she scared of the potty? DS was, and after talking to some parenting experts who know him pretty well, we decided that he's such a classic first child perfectionist that he was scared to try it because he didn't know if he would be able to do it right. We prepped him with a lot of positive encouragement and told him again and again that we would be so proud of him as long as he tried. Then we took off the pullups and stayed home until he went to the potty. He hadn't intentionally peed in the potty before that day. It took until about 5 p.m. that first day until he couldn't take it anymore and ran to the potty. He sobbed when he went that first time but ever since, he's potty trained for pee. It's been about 4 weeks since then and he's had 2 accidents the whole time. He was totally ready and once he got over his fear, that was it.

BTW, DS goes commando 100% of the time. He won't wear underwear and I don't think it's a battle worth fighting right now. His preschool teacher said her daughter was the same way for a long time and she just let it go. I'm hoping once using the potty is a complete non-event, I'll work on underwear.

[seattleguamgirl]

I totally understand your frustration--we are PTing and I had to quit once because it was just not working. We let it go for about six weeks before starting up again. My advice is:

1. Ditch the diapers and put her in underwear (DS is in underwear all day except night time)
2. Expect accidents. Even if your child has an accident-free day, you should still expect them. Try not to get frustrated. If she has an accident, just say, "Oops! You had an accident. But don't worry, you'll remember next time." and have her help you clean up and change clothes.
3. Start a potty schedule, such as right when she wakes up, before snack or after snack, before lunch, before you leave the house, etc. Once you establish a routine, she will know what to expect.
4. Offer lots of choices. If my DS didn't want to go potty but I knew he really needed to, I'd ask him, "Do you want to go now or in two minutes?" Or if you have a small potty and a potty seat for the big potty, ask her to choose where she sits. My DS was satisfied with just having a choice in the matter. Remember, your preschooler always wants to be in control, so let her think she is!
5. Use an egg timer. When my DS really didn't want to go, I'd set the timer for X minutes and told him he needed to at least try for that amount of time, and if he went potty, great! If not, no big deal--we'd try again.
6. Remember, don't let this get into a power struggle for you will certainly LOSE. Be really gentle and encouraging and make a game out of it! When DS didn't want to go, I'd often suggest racing to the potty (who doesn't like a race?). When that got old, we'd race our airplanes/trucks/trains, etc. Get creative.
7. With poop, I realized if I gave my DS some privacy he had more success than with me hanging around the bathroom. Now he loves to sit on the potty with his little laptop computer or some books or toys. I give him some privacy and check in with him once in a while.
8. Since it's summer time and you'll likely be outside a lot of the time, put a little potty in the back yard or bring the egg timer outside and let her know how many minutes she has to play before having to go in to potty. This is where the schedule works again--I don't even let my DS go outside to play until he's at least tried to go potty.
9. When you're going out, bring lots and lots of extra clothes/towels/wipes/plastic bags around. If it makes you feel any better, put a towel over her car seat. Just remember, everything can be cleaned!

In the beginning it was frustrating starting our potty schedule. When he woke up that first morning he kicked and screamed about wearing underwear and trying to go potty. He knew I meant business when we were stuck in the bathroom for 10 minutes--he knew I wouldn't budge, that he had to wear the underwear and at least try to go. That was two weeks ago and we've come a long way since then!

[twainny]

for those of you who have boys... what works well for my son, when we know he has to go, but he doesn't want to... my husband tells him they will have a race (DS is big into racing and winning :rolleyes:) so they both go to the bathroom, and see who can pee first/faster. DS usually wins lol.

Also, someone in another thread said that they pour warm water over their son's "junk". I never tried that, but it does sound like a good idea, since whenever kids get into a bath, they seem to pee.

[Mystikal]

My DD is only two, but she seems to be terrified of the potty. She was fine at first, but now any time we try to get her to sit on it she freaks the heck out. Doesn't matter if it's her small Dora potty or if it's on a seat on the big potty. She is already showing signs of being ready - she will tell us when she's getting ready to pee/poop, but as soon as I sit her on the potty she screams and cries and shakes. It's terrible. Since she's only two I don't mind keeping her in diapers for a while and hoping she will overcome her fear on her own, but I'm afraid she won't.

Good luck!

[hub1176]

Katie1 I know my friend brought her potty chair with her when they went out. If they were at the mall or something she would have her DD go before they left their vehicle (a small SUV).

seattleguamgirl I am trying hard to avoid the power struggle, but I guess where I'm doubting myself is wondering if I should drop the pt'ing for a bit, or just keep plowing on with it? Sort of "this is the way we are going to do it now?"

ThreeYell I think she is scared. She insisits she's not:rolleyes: So I've been trying to be very postive about it, letting her come in with me, to see it's not a big deal. My 4 yo DC girl lets her go in with her as well, and I praise her (the DC girl) for going etc. We do talk about all our friends who go on the potty and wear "big girl underwear" I had thought that once she went on the potty she would get over her fear, but she's peed twice and both times it was an ordeal.

Ellyn Yay! I'm so happy to be "in the trenches" with someone! Let me know how it goes!:)

moderngal I'm with ya! We've bought the books, we have the videos, we bought the wetting doll, we did the sticker chart, we did special treats (m&m's, lollipops, and even a donut:o )Although she loooved her treats, she didn't love them enough to use the potty....

Monday is "D" day so I'll update then.

[solongtogo]

I too have been under pressure to have DD trained during the daytimes...she wouldn't be able to move to the 3 yo daycare/preschool unless she was by the time she turned 3. After seeing the success of one of my LJ friends who used the dvd, I rented Potty Power on netflix. She is not night trained, but we've been putting her in underwear during the day for one week now...she's had 3 accidents in a week. She *loved* that dvd. Give it a try...

[Brady]

We are in the same boat, and I decided to ditch the diapers and only put her in underwear until she gets it. Today was Day 1, we started mid-day so only one accident to clean up.

I was just wondering, for those who did it this way, did you put a diaper on them when you were leaving the house? Or did you just not go out for three days? I am worried that allowing her to have a dipaer when we go out will slow things down quite a bit, but then again we have a lot going on right now and it will be the end of July before I have several days where we won't have to leave the house. I'm also keeping her in a Pullup at night- is this a good idea or no?

We stayed in the house for the first day, by day 2 we went as far as the yard and just over to a neighbors house. By day 3, I knew that he knew enough that he would hold it if we went out... so we ventured out in underwear, he would say he had to go when we were out, but he mostly just wanted to check out the bathrooms at that point :rolleyes: and held it until we got home. I would stay in at least the first day or two, and see how she is doing after that. We did a pull-up at night the first week, I told him they were "special undies" and did not call them a diaper. After he stayed dry in them for the week, we went to undies overnight.

[bluebunny]

I haven't read all the posts so maybe you got some good advice already but here's mine. My DS didn't potty consistently until he was 40 months old. He could do it but he refused. He told us that he didn't want to potty because he would have to move to the new room at daycare. :rolleyes: He is smart and knew he had control of the situation. We just let him wear diapers. As much as it bothered us, we didn't make a big deal about it. One day he stopped wearing the diapers and never looked back. We had tried everything encouraging up to the point (potty chart with stickers, new underwear, potty books) except for bribes with candy. (We paid extra at daycare for an additional six months because he would not potty--the older room was cheaper!)


How old is your child? Is preschool a necessity? Can it wait if she is not ready?

Generally speaking, children will potty when they are ready. It is my belief that forcing the issue, especially when your child will hold her urine to the point of pain, is not helpful. I would seek advice from a developmental ped if your are concerned but holding some kind of potty bootcamp could only be damaging, IMO,

[huango]

ditto on what bluebunny posted: while my DS was 'trained' by 25months, he must have regressed 1000 times! It really showed that he wasn't ready. But I just didn't know that. (He's 4years old now and is day-PT.)

He would stay dry for a few days, then pee in his pants like it was normal.
that would happen when:
- his baby sister cried, or sat up, or walked, or started talking (almost like he was regressing to be the baby)
- he got an ear infection, a cold, a fever, you name it
If he didn't soak his pants, he would leak. Leak, leak, leak.
We would go through ~14 pants of undies a day, w/ dime-size leaks, quarter-size leaks, etc. Those leaks drive me crazy, I tell ya!!!
There were too much frustration and so little gained.
I'm sad to say that I missed out on the most precious part of my DD's infanthood, because of all the times I'd be w/ DS in the bathroom or running to the bathroom or cleaning the bathroom or doing laundry from all those wet undies.

If I were to do it again w/ DS, I would have waited until 3+ years old.
(Reason why we PT so early is because he got AWFUL AWFUL diaper rashes, w/ disposable and cloth diapers).