Would you/Do you go to another room to nurse your child when you have company?

[Katie&Micah]

Yesterday we had a couple over for dinner that we are just starting to hang out with. Before they got there DH asked if I would nurse in another room so that we didn't make them uncomfortable. I refused, and it wasn't an issue. They didn't act embarrassed or anything, in fact the wife commented on how sweet it was. There is no way in hell I would leave the room to nurse my child in my own home. In fact, I probably wouldn't go to another room if I was at someone else's home either. The area we live in has very low bf'ing rates and people tend to think of it as something dirty or unacceptable for public. It got me thinking.. is this normal? Do your friends/family expect you to go to another room to nurse your baby? Assuming that you're comfortable nursing in public, what would you have done?

[karlatta]

In your situation, I would have stayed right where I was. And my IRL friends nurse all the time in their homes - and in their friends' homes - without leaving the room. (Some do leave for mixed company, but most don't, or just move to a less conspicuous area of the room - a corner chair or something.)

[RobynScott]

Depends on where I am / who the company is. When it's my SIL at our house / when I am at a femal friends house (no men) - I nurse in the room.

When my FIL is over our house, I tend to go to the nursery to nurse Seth. When he was younger, it was more 50/50 whether I would stay in the room and just use a cover up (which DS tends to push off nowadays)

That said, in general I am/was comfortable nursing in public with a cover-up (hooter hider). I prefer not to cover up at my own home home though, so if someone's over that I'd prefer not see my boob if DS decides to suddenly pull off (which he does) - I'll leave the room.

Your house - the company was comfortable - nurse where you want!

[petdoc08]

I only leave the room when it is my mother in law or my dad. I am not comfortable with my MIL's snide comments about the size of my chest and I would rather not be in the room with her anyway so it is a perfect excuse. My dad, well, it just makes *me* uncomfortable so I just leave. He would never ask me to leave.

[Ferris]

I nurse in public with no problem, but at home it really depends on who it is that are visiting. If it's friends with kids/babies, I will nurse in front of them. But if we have friends that do not have kids I'll usually leave. Also, when my FIL or SFIL are visiting I will go upstairs, but that also gives me a break from them!:p

[JAYLIN]

Yes, I would go into another room in my home or someone elses. I only nursed in front of my husband/kids, my mom or really good friends of mine (who all have recently had kids and their husbands are use to it.) I'm sorry, I'm sure alot of people are not going to agree with me but I would definately think a guy who has no children (don't know if your friends did) and is not at all familiar with BF would be uncomfortable in that situation. I would never be comfortable in that situation, I didn't like it when my dad or brothers were in the room. So that's just my opinion, and I nursed all 3 of my DC, so I've had plenty of experience to talk from. But then again, I would NEVER wip out my boob in public either, I'm just not comfortable with that and I wouldn't be comfortable with someone else doing it either. Being discreet about it is one thing, but I know there's lots of people out there that just don't care and I think it's rude.....sorry, again just my opinion.

[dana b]

if it was a close female friend/family member or my parents then i stayed. for the most part though, i went to another room, whether it was my house or not . it was always my decision though.

[Delta]

I'm sorry, I'm sure alot of people are not going to agree with me but I would definately think a guy who has no children (don't know if your friends did) and is not at all familiar with BF would be uncomfortable in that situation.Actually, in my experience it's the women who always seem to have the biggest problems with NIP by far. And it's the guys without children who are often the coolest about it.

[Katie&Micah]

Yes, I would go into another room in my home or someone elses. I only nursed in front of my husband/kids, my mom or really good friends of mine (who all have recently had kids and their husbands are use to it.) I'm sorry, I'm sure alot of people are not going to agree with me but I would definately think a guy who has no children (don't know if your friends did) and is not at all familiar with BF would be uncomfortable in that situation. I would never be comfortable in that situation, I didn't like it when my dad or brothers were in the room. So that's just my opinion, and I nursed all 3 of my DC, so I've had plenty of experience to talk from. But then again, I would NEVER wip out my boob in public either, I'm just not comfortable with that and I wouldn't be comfortable with someone else doing it either. Being discreet about it is one thing, but I know there's lots of people out there that just don't care and I think it's rude.....sorry, again just my opinion.

I'm not offended at all.. I really like hearing the different opinions that people have. Having said that.. I'm wondering what people who ARE comfortable nursing in public would do in my situation.

I don't want to start a fight nor do I mean this rudely, but.. Why is it rude to nurse your child in public? Having nursed your own children you know that this is about feeding your child, not something dirty. I'm always discreet (I don't know any nursing moms who aren't discreet) so I don't really get why people are offended by it. I'm doing something so completely natural. Yes it's also about bonding, but what it comes down to is feeding a baby.


More clarification..The couple have 3 kids. I found out that the mom did breastfeed all of her children for brief periods of time, but didn't know that before they came over.

[JAYLIN]

Sure, guys without children have not problems with it, they're just happy to see boob!!
But seriously, I should clarify, I don't think it's rude to NIP, I think it's rude to not be discrete about it. I am fully aware that it is about feeding your baby and nothing else, but for example, if I was at the mall, I saw nothing wrong about going into a dressing room to feed them, instead of sitting on the bench in the middle of the mall. I guess that's why I see nothing wrong with going into another room in my house if I have guests over that I'm not very close with. It's just not comfortable for me to think that people are looking at me.

[Delta]

I would definately think a guy who has no children (don't know if your friends did) and is not at all familiar with BF would be uncomfortable in that situation.
Sure, guys without children have not problems with it, they're just happy to see boob!!
:confused:

[polarama]

I voted yes, based on my own personal comfort level. I am all for women being able to NIP and feed their babies where they are, but personally, I was not comfortable nursing in mixed company or in "open" public (I always nursed in nursing lounges if were at the mall, or I was comfy nursing at my mom's group).

So it would be my decision to leave the room, not because I care what my guests think, but because I wouldn't feel comfortable.

[amew]

It depends on the company. My default is to just stay in the room, and I have nursed in front of company plenty when the company consists of a small group of close friends or family, though my FIL and brother tend to excuse themselves because it makes them uncomfortable. Once when I was nursing DS while DH's college roommate was visiting, DS popped off, and I somehow managed to expose my entire breast to the guy, who was conveniently sitting right across from me. We all started laughing hysterically, and that was that. No big deal. (Heck, I've known him since I was 18, and he's more or less seen it all before.)

But I have also left the room to nurse in my own home under certain circumstances, most notably when the company consisted of a large group of co-workers. I work in a conservative corporate law environment, and nursing in front of the other attorneys I work with would be neither comfortable for me nor a smart career move. They act uncomfortable enough just knowing that I pump in my office behind a locked door. I have also left the room when we have had a large group of mixed company over, when entertaining DH's boss, etc.--all situations in which I was just more comfortable sitting in my bedroom or the nursery.

FWIW, I think I have nursed in front of about every female family member and close female friend that I have, and they have all been totally cool with it. Of the male friends and relatives I have nursed in front of, several have been totally cool with it, but several--with or without kids--have acted really uncomfortable with it and left the room, turned bright red, started apologizing to me for no reason, etc.

[Scooter]

Ah, another NIP debate...

The only time I ever left the room to nurse was when the in laws came over. But like someone else said, that was partly to get a break from them. ;) At other people's houses or in public I usually used a blanket or my sling or a jacket or something to help cover up so no one could see anything.

I NIP'd many, many times, but it was rare anyone ever even noticed. It was actually awkward a few times because people wouldn't realize I was nursing DD. That seems to be similar to the vast majority of experiences by BFing moms out there. I've seen so many people nursing at home and NIPing and pretty much everyone is discreet. I'm not sure why that issue always comes up when someone mentions nursing. If you paused in mid conversation with this couple to take your top off and then started BFing, then yeah, that would be rude at your dinner party! But the nursing, no, that wouldn't be the rude part.

[MrsBeckyLP]

It really depends on who the company is.

A good girlfriend or my mom? I don't even think twice about feeding DD, sans cover. I try to be discreet, but seeing as we're still fairly new to the BFing thing, I'm still working on that part! ;) A small group of friends? I'll stay in the room and use my Hooter Hider. I actually did this with "new" friends of ours the other week. They have two children and she didn't/doesn't BF, but rather than act embarrassed, she and her DH seemed interested and asked me questions about it. My ILs? I'd leave, but like the rest, it's just to get away from them, not because I'm "embarrassed" or anything like that. A large group? I leave. We had DD's baptism on Sunday, and I went to the bedroom to nurse her when we got back from church. I didn't need 20 people standing around looking embarrassed, and again, the ILs were there. Plus, I knew everyone would want to hold DD and I really wouldn't see her all day, so the time alone with her was nice.

I don't have a problem NIP when I need to, but I will try to use alternate options first. (I'd use a dressing room instead of a mall bench, etc.) Actually, I truly nursed in public for the first time at a restaurant/bar two weeks ago while we sat on the patio. It was in a rural area in central Wisconsin (so probably similar views about BFing/NIP as those in the OP's area), and this one older guy kept giving me dirty looks. I gave them right back. We were with 10 people, and not one of them was offended. Of course, one of the men made a comment about cookies for dessert or something like that, and it was rather funny. :p

[jennylou]

I nurse DD where ever and whenever I needed to. Particularly in my own house. I might leave the room to escape someone, but not necessarily b/c I was trying to save someone else from feeling awkward. In my opinion, nursing in front of other people that were uncomfortable with it just helps to normalize it. I'm pretty discreet when nursing though. When she was really little and it was all about getting a latch, etc - it was very easy to pop on the hooter hider for a bit until I was sure that everything was good and then take it off.

The only time that I left a room to nurse and went to another area with pretty much zero people was when I was in a wedding and wearing a rather awkward bra and halter top to nurse in - I tried nursing the regular way and found it wasn't very easy. So, I found a quiet corner for DH, DD and I and I took the halter down (I was wearing the hooter hider though). I knew I was going to be exposing my full breast, so I left the area and covered up. That was the only time I had to not be discreet, so it was the only time I was truly worried about covering up.

I was BFing DD in a small, local restaurant and the owner came up and was trying to get a good look at DD (who was around a year at this point). It took him a minute and then he finally realized what DD was doing. lol, it was funny!

[Marisa]

I have only left the room in my own house to escape MIL and her friends -- I was glad for the excuse! It wasn't to save any of their feelings, though -- I'm sure they would have been fine with it.

In my experience, the single, childless guys have definitely been cool with me BFing, and not in the lascivious way that was previously insinuated. In particular, one of my best friends is a researcher at Harvard, and he would always want to talk about the medical benefits of breastmilk, etc. Fascinating stuff. Now that most of them are married with children of their own, I'm psyched to see that their wives are BFing too - like maybe I helped make it seem "normal" to them.

[NotDesperate]

I only leave the room when it is my mother in law or my dad. I am not comfortable with my MIL's snide comments about the size of my chest and I would rather not be in the room with her anyway so it is a perfect excuse. My dad, well, it just makes *me* uncomfortable so I just leave. He would never ask me to leave.

Ditto this exactly. I don't have kids yet but I know that those are two people I will never BF in front of! :D

[isign]

Well, you know me and my answer. I don't ask you to leave the room when your smacking sounds bother me, I shouldn't leave the room just because there's a chance of you seeing boob :D Seriously, I believe that it's my house, and I'll nurse where I want. I'm not the type to just whip it out, we are modest about it. If I know DS is in a mood to play, then I make sure I'm ready to cover up as soon as he comes off. Funny single/childless guy story. I was nursing DS - he was really little - sitting sideways in our overstuffed chair, fully covered. Our friend, who loves DS, came over to talk to him and say bye. I pulled the blanket up as he came over, and he moved it a little to see his face. I moved it back and said, umm he's eating. The guy totally didn't realize what we were doing and almost died of embarassment.

[NotDesperate]

isign, LOL!!!!!!

[boilermaker]

I used to NIP all the time with DD (we just don't nurse much out and about anymore). But I still would consider each instance as to whether or not I wanted to. I never felt like I needed to be "blazing a trail" about BF. It was something I chose to do because it was the right way for me to feed my daughter. So if it made somebody uncomfortable, I'd go to another room. Not a big deal. DD still got to eat, which was the whole point of BF for me.

[rubyredslippers]

I said "other", but only because sometimes you need a break from the folks you are with, or the baby would be distracted by the company--nothing like that milk spraying every where when the kid pops off to look around!!

I NIP'ed all the time, and mostly nobody knew what I was doing. I had several instances, like other posters, when someone would want to see the baby while he was nursing, not realizing what was going on.

[jennylou]

I did want to add that sometimes I will seek out a place (well, used to - DD only nurses like once per day now) to nurse at. Like, say at the mall - some of the department store ladies rooms have lounges in them with really comfy chairs. I'd go there in a heartbeat for the comfort factor, lol.

But, I do not find the mother's nursing stalls to be comfortable, so I think I only used it once.

[Pink_Converse]

With my first baby I was so inexperienced with the whole nursing thing that I almost always left the room. I was afraid I would make people uncomfortable and that the cover would fall off and someone would see my boobs. With my second I never leave the room at my house or other people's unless it's someone I don't know well or feel uncomfortable nursing around. I figure if I am covered up who cares really :confused: I can remember with the first nursing in the bathroom stall of an Olive Garden!!!! NEVER AGAIN! I don't know if my attitude changed with age or experience or what but now I feel like if people have a problem with it something is wrong with THEM, not me. I'm just feeding my baby. When DS gets older and can't or won't tolerate being covered up then I will probably go to another room in mixed company if I feel I can't nurse discretely.

[Loud_curly]

I would likely leave the room if at my house or someone else's. I don't have a problem with NIP, but I also liked having some quiet while nursing. DS has always been interested in what's going on around him, and I can't really even talk or he'll pull off to see what's going on. I have nursed at the table at restaurants several times, and Nordstrom's lounges are fabulous. That said, I'm just more comfortable going to the nursery and nursing in my comfy chair.

Oh, and we had friends over before I was pregnant who just started nursing her baby without warning. As folks without kids, we were a bit taken aback. Of course, we wouldn't have said anything, but I did make a mental note to at least let folks know that I was going to nurse b/c I don't want to take anyone by surprise.

[bensgirl1222]

I never leave the room but I'm very descreet about it. Everyone who comes to my home knows I nurse and no one has any problems with it. If I'm at someone else's house with a bunch of people I'm not familiar with I might find a quiet spot to nurse but for the most part I just do it descretely.

[mamax2]

I would only leave the room if I thought my baby needed a more quiet atmosphere (like if she was in the getting distracted/popping off stage). Both of my girls were pretty boob-focused though, so that didn't pose a huge issue :p

When I was a new mom nursing DD1, my DH's grandparents did try to shuffle me off to another room and I went because I was in their home and I try to follow the cues of my host (esp when they're 85). They're the only people in the world that I would have done that for though. The mall, DH's friends, other family - I have no problems nursing in front of them. I don't use a 'hooter hider' but I'm very discreet. If anyone catches a glimpse of breast, well, it's probably less than they'd see on the front of any magazine in the grocery store so who cares?!?!

[DallasLady]

In that situation, especially because they said they were okay with it, I would not have even bothered.

I totally caved on this issue when my parents were here visiting and I really wished I hadn't. Part of the problem was that Alexandra was still little and I wasn't 100% confident in my BFing abilities anyway. My dad, stepmom and two brothers (15 and 21 years old) spent a week with us after we had DD. My Dad was totally weird about me BFing, and if I didn't leave the room, he would and would make my brothers leave the room as well :rolleyes: So I just nursed DD in her room for the whole week. I felt so isolated, as she was nursing constantly those days.

Then, a month later, my mom, stepdad and sister (16 yo) came to visit. My stepfather was totally weird about me nursing and so was my mom. So once again I spent a week cooped up in DD's room. Then my mother comments on how it would be so much easier on me if I didn't breastfeed so I wouldn't have to leave the room every few hours.

I wish I'd stood my ground. I will this time.

[Megande]

I've only left the room to nurse very few times, and only when it was someone who we didn't have a real relationship with. Once when we had over a 70+ year old professor in my husband's department and once when we had a college guy over from church that we had never met prior to that evening. If someone is going to be in my home frequently, I will nurse in front of them. Our 30 year old single male friend has probably seen me nursing more than anyone else.

[PinkMartini]

Whenever any men were over other than DH (which was only FIL since I didn't BF that long) I would go into my bedroom to nurse.

My decision, nobody said anything about it.

[lee60657]

Typically I will not leave the room, but like others have said, it depends on where I am and who I am with. I nurse in front of family, including my inlaws and my dad. I also nurse in front of close friends. That said, if I was sitting on a couch b/t 2 people I would not nurse there, but move to a different seat still in the same room but a bit more removed. If that was not an option, I suppose I would move to another room. My whole family is very comfortable with nursing so its never even been an issue.

When I am out, I nurse when DS needs to eat - I will look for a dressing room or a nursing lounge, but if one is not close or available, I have been known to nurse on a bench in the mall. I just nursed DS on a park bench yesterday :) I am discreet however and cover up as much as possible.

[AlisonCO]

In my own home, no I did not leave the room to feed my kiddos. We didn't have a ton of guests but my parents were there often as was my sister and her boyfriend. He was so funny the first time he noticed what I was doing he went off for 10 minutes about all the amazing things he learned about breastmilk in his public health class. I might have moved to a chair off to the side if we had company sitting on the couch. My mom, grandma, aunts and cousins all nursed so it was just the norm in my family - what is neat is that all the men were obviously used to it too so my dad or uncle would ask if I needed water or a pillow.

[dionysia]

Jaylin is obviously new here. ;)

To answer the OP: in your particular situation, I would not have left.

I did in some circumstances go to another part of my parents' house to nurse, like when other family members besides my parents were present (e.g., my grandfather, my 20-something male cousins).

[jennylou]

Jaylin is obviously new here. ;)


She's actually been around since July 2005, but it looks like she doesn't post much. ;)

[Natasha]

In that situation, I would have probably nursed in the same room.

The only time I ever really leave the room is when I am at the in laws, but that is as much to get a break as it is to privately nurse. Plus, there is almost always a lot of people there, including curious small children. It seems easier to go into another room.

That said, I never really had a problem NIP. Heck, I nursed at the table at Denny's when my daughter was small.

[mcgwigan]

I have left the room at my house when my 2 uncles were there with my Aunt & Grandma - I was not comfortable nursing in front of my Uncles & was also just starting nursing. I have no problems nursing in front of my dad or brother though.

It makes DH uncomfortable for me to nurse in front of people, so if we are at the ILs together, I will go into an upstairs bedroom to nurse, if he isn't with me though, I will nurse in front of MIL - but not FIL, it makes him uncomfortable.

In public, I don't have a problem nursing where ever, but I do use a blanket to cover with.

[jh124]

I think I voted yes on accident, I meant no. My house, my kid, my boobs...your issues. Deal with it or leave. Of course, I always covered up.

FWIW, I sat in benches in the middle of the mall, food court at Costco, library, restaurants. I fed DS anywhere and everywhere I went and plan on doing the same for #2.

[steviem]

For me, it really depended on who was at my house.

If it was my mom, or BFF, or another girlfriend, then, I would nurse in "public." If it was anyone else, I'd go into my DS's room and nurse. I went into another room, more for my comfort than for theirs. I would have been horrified if they accidently saw one of my bbs ;)

I also wasn't fond of nursing in public places (the mall, etc.). It was not that I was ashamed of bf'ing, it was more due to my modesty, especially in the beginning, as I wasn't so good at juggling the baby and trying to be discreet at lifting my shirt, etc. I tended to nurse in the dressing rooms or I'd go to my car and nurse. If I was visiting at someone's home, I'd ask permission to go into another room.

[myshel]

I said "other," because it really depended on the situation. I nursed in front of every female family member, although my mom was uncomfortable by it. I also nursed in front of my dad, but I wouldn't in front of FIL. I also nursed in front of good friends all the time as long as we were in small groups. Al of those times, I covered myself as best as I could. When we had parties at our house, I left the room. It was just too much to feed DD in front of 40 people.

I think it depends on your comfort level and the perceived comfort level of your guests.

[isign]

I'm more self conscious of someone seeing my tummy & all it's stretch marks, than my boob :). I don't really like my nipple hanging out, but most people see more on a daily basis now that it's summer than they do when I occasionally flash them. It's so obvious what I'm doing now that DS is older because he gets so excited.

[MrsBeckyLP]

It was not that I was ashamed of bf'ing, it was more due to my modesty, especially in the beginning, as I wasn't so good at juggling the baby and trying to be discreet at lifting my shirt, etc. I tended to nurse in the dressing rooms or I'd go to my car and nurse.

See, that's me.

I have a question. How can I be more discreet? So many of you say you do it, and I don't doubt it, but it's hard for me. Besides the fact that we're still not always latching properly on the first try, I feel like my skin is always exposed. I mean, I have to lift my shirt to nurse, and that sometimes means lifting up a portion of the back of my shirt too. So part of my back is exposed, and of course part of my breast is exposed. Once she's latched on I can of course cover the top of my breast with my shirt, but that still leaves skin on my belly and back exposed. What kind of shirts are you all wearing that you can discreetly NIP? I guess most of my shirts are more fitted, and that could be the problem? Any tips?! :D

[jmvan74]

I voted other. I usually left the room when my IL's were here, but in the situation you described it sounds like everyone was fine with it and no one was "uncomfortable," so no big deal.

[jennylou]

See, that's me.

I have a question. How can I be more discreet? So many of you say you do it, and I don't doubt it, but it's hard for me. Besides the fact that we're still not always latching properly on the first try, I feel like my skin is always exposed. I mean, I have to lift my shirt to nurse, and that sometimes means lifting up a portion of the back of my shirt too. So part of my back is exposed, and of course part of my breast is exposed. Once she's latched on I can of course cover the top of my breast with my shirt, but that still leaves skin on my belly and back exposed. What kind of shirts are you all wearing that you can discreetly NIP? I guess most of my shirts are more fitted, and that could be the problem? Any tips?! :D

This is why I used the hooter hider. I felt very uneasy about it at first (the latching, etc), so it was a way for me to be discreet without having to run out of the room every time. :)

[yby1]

When DS was newborn, I would not hesitate nursing in front of friends and family at home (using a cover depending on who was there).

Right about the time DS turned 4 months old, we HAD to start using another room because he would get distracted, not to make the visitors comfortable.

[SiValleySteph]

I'm an other. Sometimes, depending on how I feel. :)

Right now, I prefer going to the nursing lounges at the mall, going somewhere a little secluded, etc. to nurse. It's not always feasible, so DS has been nursed in public in many different places.

In my house, I nurse in front of girlfriends, my family, the notary for our refinance last night ;). When my inlaws were here, I preferred to go in the other room.

It just depends!

Oh, and ITA about being more concerned about the flabby stretchmarked tummy showing!

[yby1]

See, that's me.

I have a question. How can I be more discreet? So many of you say you do it, and I don't doubt it, but it's hard for me. Besides the fact that we're still not always latching properly on the first try, I feel like my skin is always exposed. I mean, I have to lift my shirt to nurse, and that sometimes means lifting up a portion of the back of my shirt too. So part of my back is exposed, and of course part of my breast is exposed. Once she's latched on I can of course cover the top of my breast with my shirt, but that still leaves skin on my belly and back exposed. What kind of shirts are you all wearing that you can discreetly NIP? I guess most of my shirts are more fitted, and that could be the problem? Any tips?! :D

If you wish, you can buy nursing t-shirts at the maternity store. They have a double layer so that you don't have to expose your belly or back. I used to layer a nursing tank under a t-shirt for the same effect.

[MichelleRenee]

I did leave the room with DS. He was born right before the busy holiday season and I was the first person in my family (in my generation) to breast feed and everyone was very uncomfortable with it.

I am hoping to be able to stay in the room but covered this time around. I missed out on a lot of the festivities last time.

[Marisa]

If you wish, you can buy nursing t-shirts at the maternity store. They have a double layer so that you don't have to expose your belly or back. I used to layer a nursing tank under a t-shirt for the same effect.

Yep! If you don't feel like shelling out for lots of nursing shirts, a regular stretchy tank under a regular tee should do the trick as well (just pull down the neckline of the tank). In cooler weather, a cardigan over a tee was my uniform -- it will hide your back and drape over your side to hide any skin. (I had a few actual nursing shirts, but it can get expensive to buy a whole new wardrobe every season -- if you're nursing for a year or more.)

[Scooter]

I just used regular tanks or camis under my tops. Showing belly skin makes it more obvious you're nursing, but I didn't want to show off my PP belly to everyone!

I also found that with wrap tops or nursing tops I could sometimes pull them down instead of pulling the shirt up. That exposes more of your upper chest though, so I only did that if I had something to cover up with. For me, I felt more comfortable when I pulled the shirt up because then I was covered on top by the shirt and below by the tank top. :)

[Chimichanga]

I have left the room but it's because of my modesty, not because I thought BFing was shameful.

but, it also depended on who was there. My mom - no problem! I didn't care; she actually helped me with my latch (although it was a bit awkward to have my mom "playing" with my boob, but whatever). If my ILs were over, yes I'd leave the room because I didn't have a great "delicacy" with getting DD on. I'd pretty much whip it out and she'd latch on. But if I tried to cover myself, we'd have issues.

I would also go into other rooms when my dad was around. Well, because my dad doesn't need to see that (IMO). But, he got uncomfortable with me leaving, so he offered me a light sheet which worked just fine.

[Kate&Joey]

See, that's me.

I have a question. How can I be more discreet? So many of you say you do it, and I don't doubt it, but it's hard for me. Besides the fact that we're still not always latching properly on the first try, I feel like my skin is always exposed. I mean, I have to lift my shirt to nurse, and that sometimes means lifting up a portion of the back of my shirt too. So part of my back is exposed, and of course part of my breast is exposed. Once she's latched on I can of course cover the top of my breast with my shirt, but that still leaves skin on my belly and back exposed. What kind of shirts are you all wearing that you can discreetly NIP? I guess most of my shirts are more fitted, and that could be the problem? Any tips?! :D

I swore by the tank top/ cardigan combo. However, I am fairly small (largest I got was a C cup) so I could wear my shelf bra tank tops the entire time I was nursing. I also used a knit "poncho" that was the fashion rage a few years ago. BRU has "nursing wraps" that are about $14 IIRC and those worked fine for me, too.

[lil_nance]

With DS, I sometimes left the room. More for my comfort and to keep him focused as he easily got distracted. With DD I nursed her anywhere, everywhere, in front of anybody. I nursed at the mall, in my house with contractors wandering around, at the park, at a friend's birthday party. The girl is all business.
In my opinion when in my own house, I can do as I please when it comes to nursing. I'm sure there have been times that FIL is a bit uncomfortable but he was BF'd himself and if he wants what's best for his grandkids, he can just deal with it. ;) I'm discreet and if someone can see my boob they are sitting way too close and staring way too hard.

[isign]

I was super conscious in the beginning, mostly because of latching issues. Once DS learned to latch on without help, he was on his own :) I have huge boobs, so pulling shirts down were never an option for me. My LLL leader (which has been a HUGE help with being comfy nursing in front of people) suggested this trick. Take a receiving blanket and put it under your arm before you pick up DC. As you are nursing, the blanket covers your tummy/side and can cover DC's face as well. If s/he decides to spit up, the blanket is there as well. In the winter I wore layers, like a button up shirt under a sweater. Now I do the blanket thing since I'm not wearing as many layers. If I've got a pillow, that and DS, cover my tummy. I know many people say they nurse in a sling, but I never figured that out.

[JAYLIN]

Thanks DIONYSIA & JENNYLOU for being concerned if I am new or not, and JENNYLOU is correct, I've been around here since the beginning and WC prior to that. I just don't have a whole lot of time to post, life is keeping me pretty busy, but I try to read the threads that interest me.

I know how thinks usually go around here when any kind of BF topic comes up, and I'm very happy to see that this one hasn't gone there yet.

[sophonisba9]

When my first was a couple months old we were over at the home of friends playing games. There were people we knew well and not very well present. DS started to get really fussy. I didn't want to leave, as I was winning. So I just asked if the gentlemen in the room would close or avert their eyes until I could get the baby settled. I was awful at getting DS latched on discretely. No one had an issue at all. The guys all closed their eyes or refreshed their drinks in the kitchen. I got DS nursing and the game continued.

Now that I'm on baby #2, I just whip it out and trust that it's fairly clear what I'm doing. Anybody who shouldn't be looking doesn't. I keep my shirt pulled down to Baby's face, so there isn't much skin exposed. MIL and FIL visited when DD was a week old. FIL sat at the other end of the couch and just looked straight ahead. No one made an issue about it. Of course DD is grandkid #4 and all have been breastfed. With DS, who #1, FIL would leave the room. I think it's cool that he's now comfortable with the whole process.

[cynder]

This is why I used the hooter hider. I felt very uneasy about it at first (the latching, etc), so it was a way for me to be discreet without having to run out of the room every time. :)

I got one of these for my second child and I so heart it. I NIP almost anywhere now. It has allowed me to feel okay about going out everyday and not stress about finding the right place to nurse or rush home to nurse. I could never get comfortable with a blanket for some reason but the Bebe Au Lait cover has that nice gap so I can see her and make sure the latch is right and all is good. Love it!

At home, it's all out in the open and now that I have the cover, FIL doesn't feel the need to leave the room.

[Delta]

Yes, to be clear - everyone should use whatever discretion they feel is right for them at whatever given occasion. But, I am NOT ok with someone thinking NIP is rude or wrong or weird for other people. Well, actually, they can think it all they want but they should keep it to themselves and deal. ;)

[Ellyn]

I stay in the room in my own house if it is my family (dad, mom, sister, whatever) but will leave if it is FIL...just not comfortable. MIL has seen it all before anyways, so I nurse in front of her all the time. I too am more self conscious of my stretch marks and stomach from having 2 kids than someone catching a glimpse of some BBs...I should've invested in some nursing tanks, but now that DD is going to be on her way to weaning soon, I will just hide out from FIL. :o That being said, most of the NIP thing isn't being embarrased or worrying about what others think, it is more for my comfort (like a PP said - couches/lounges in ladies bathrooms) and because DD is so freakin' nosey that she doesn't stay latched on for long with others around. She takes less than 10 min. when we're alone or with a few others, she'd take FOREVER in a busy store or at someone elses house where there is a lot to look at.

ETA: I like escaping sometimes...it is nice to use nursing as my chance to hide out from the ILs or get a break from a 4 year olds birthday party and cuddle with my DD alone. :D

[emschwar]

My house, no way. I'm feeding my baby at my house where ever I want. And we're in a particularly distractible stage, so everyone gets to see my boobs, and there's a decent chance there'll be milk spraying ;) Of course, we never have anyone besides playgroup people over, so no biggie.

At someone else's house, I'd still probably stay in the room to nurse. It would depend on who's house. For example, I'm pretty adamant about not covering my baby with a blanket when I NIP, but when we were at McDonalds, eating at a table next to an old man who must have been 80, I used a blanket then, just out of respect and so he didn't have a heart attack.

In public, I nurse anywhere and everywhere. I even nursed at a Hooters once. I figured it was appropriate. :)

[PinkMartini]

I even nursed at a Hooters once. I figured it was appropriate. :)

LMAO! Now that's a place I'd feel comfortable NIP ;)

[1_mommy]

I never left the room. If needed, i would throw a blanket over my kids, but otherwise, i stayed right where i was

[jenjunum]

I nursed yesterday standing in an aisle in Target. That was interesting. I always cover myself & baby with a blanket in public. For now, I will always cover up if anyone besides my DH is around; but DD is only a month old. I really like the nursing tank tops. That makes things a lot easier. I too, am more concerned about my whole stomach and back being exposed than my boob. I am going to keep an eye out for more wrap-style tops so I can pull that under my boob rather than pull my shirt up.

[Daniel's Kitty]

I will leave the room at IL's if Dh's Grandparents are there. I just don't care anymore, especially not in my house. I will leave the room if I need some quiet time or if baby needs a nap.

[scout]

I like the idea of "normalizing" bfing, but do admit to being a bit uncomfortable unless I know the family/friends really well. I usually do go to the other room.

[maplekitty]

If it's close friends, or family, nope I'd nurse right there. If it's a large group of people and it's noisy and everyone is sitting elbow to elbow, then yes I would go to another room, but really for my own comfort.

However when I'm nursing infront of people I try to be as discreet as I can. I don't cover up with a blanket, but I pull my shirt down and you know, be discreet.
My SIL, on the other hand whips her boobs out infront of *anyone*. And it's like full on, bare-chested breasts, and even I think "geez, no one needs to see that much of your boob when you're nursing". And I'm extremely liberal!
Xmas eve, I had my cousin and his family over for dinner along with DH's family. And SIL whips out her boobs, full-frontal and I could see my sousin was terribly uncomfortable - he had only met her once before at my wedding two years ago!!

So yes, I think it all deends on the situation, but also to try and be as discreet as you, but you dont need to hide under a blanket or leave the rom.

[LRL]

It really depends on who it is and if I am comfortable BFing around them. If it is a friend from work, I usually leave the room, otherwise I cover up unless it is just our moms or my sisters because there is no way for me to discreetly BF with my large bb's!

[Kanga]

I nurse wherever. However, I certainly don't just "whip it out." :rolleyes: I assure you I can bf in the middle of the mall on a bench and 95% won't notice. The remaining 5% are usually nursing mother's themselves.

I really don't care if it makes anyone uncomfortable. If it bothers you, don't look. I'm far too lazy to be concerned with blankets, running out to the car and back, etc.

[Rico'sAlice]

I voted no because I believe in NIP when & how my DC needs me to. I don't even think of my home (or friends'/family members' homes) as "in public." And I don't really know anyone that I would care to invite into my own home that wouldn't know me enough to expect to witness some nursing. It's never been an issue AFAIK.

Although the truth is that recently I have started taking J into another room to nurse- not because of comfort/discretion issues, but because he gets distracted too easily and that way he will nurse for 5min and be done instead of popping on and off for an hour.
--
Most of the time I wear a loose shirt over a nursing tank. I don't try to hide "the act" of nursing, but almost all of my skin ends up covered b/c I'm not happy with my body/skin and all. If I were smokin' hot I would probably NIP with my whole shirt pulled off. ;)

[mel7dog]

I have left the room a few times at home to nurse, but only because I thought it would be easier and more comfortable for baby and me. DH had a work buddy over last week and I went into DS room to nurse. Mostly because he needed a diaper change first anyhow, but also because I didn't want to be more uncomfortable worrying that I might squirt milk or something :p

I nip with my newborn all the time and could really care less. I am more hesitant about nursing a toddler in public though. Once my older DS was around 18m I rarely nip or in front of anyone besides DH or my close family. It's partly because I know it's different for some people to see a toddler nip and also because DS only nurses a few times a day and usually doesn't need to nurse when we're out and about.

I also think it depends on the area you live in and how accepted BFing is. We used to live in an area of NC where I never saw anyone NIP even at play group. :( I still NIP there, but not nearly as proudly or as often. Now we are in CA where almost everyone nurses and I feel way more comfortable. I have even nursed my 2y old a few times in public here.

[lawphil]

Whether I nip is really based on my own comfort level (could care less if someone else is uncomfortable with how I feed my child). As other people have said it depends on who/where. I have nursed on a bench in a mall, on an airplane (with a poor college kid sitting next to me), and a bunch of other public places. Most of the time people have no idea that I am nursing - as you and baby get more experienced it is very easy to be discrete. However if any of my in-laws are over I go to a separate room. I also completely agree with the sentiment that I am happy for the opportunity to get a little time to myself.

In the beginning though I did not nip at all. I found bf very hard and literally had to take my entire shirt off to get my dd positioned and latched on. I really did not want anyone other than dh to see that!

Anyway, even though I think of it as an issue of my baby needs to be fed so people will just have to deal my emotional/irrationa/modest side keeps me from being 100% committed to that in every situation.

[honeygirl]

No, I don't go to other rooms to nurse when I have company. I'd like to think I'm discreet b/c I try to keep it covered and gauge the comfort of those around me. So, in some settings I use a blanket or nursing cover while other times I can just use my nursing tank/shirt. I also ask if it's okay when I'm with someone else or at their house; although I imagine it would be hard for them to say no (and no one has).

I BF in public settings more than I had thought I would. I BF in my mixed small group, church, library, stores, movie theaters, airplanes, restaurants, at the pool, at some work meetings, even while walking. Fortunately we have very supportive friends and family so there have been no bad (or shaming) experiences.

Of course my DD is only 7mo so there may be more complications as she gets older.

[coquelicot]

I admit, I do go into the nursery to nurse when we have company. But only if the company includes a man. If it's just a woman, then I might ask her if she minds if I nurse there, and do my best to keep covered. When my MIL is here, for instance, my motto is, "If you don't mind, I don't mind." But if my FIL is with her...eh, think I'd rather keep it private. DD likes to pop on and off, and she takes a while to nurse at this point, so it's hard for me to be discreet.

[klav]

I would have left the room but that is my personal comfort. there were times that DS was crying and I did nurse in public with a blanket over myself

[magrat]

The only time I would have left was when DD was a newborn and we were still figuring out breastfeeding and couldn't do it discretely. Plus there was a lot of spraying and that is not something anyone needs to see! Otherwise I'm very comfortable nursing anywhere and with anyone. No one can see a thing. I have never even needed to do the double layer shirt thing. I have to wear a bigger size shirt than I used to just because my breasts are still huge (a year later :rolleyes: ) so I wear L or XL and they are looser around my waist. My back is covered because my shirt is loose enough to cover it even when it is pulled up in the front, and DD covers my front. She doesn't mind having my shirt pulled down so it touches her face and doesn't pop off. As I've heard other people say on CC - if anyone sees anything, they are looking too hard! Even though I am a nursing mother myself, it often takes me a while to realize when someone is nursing because everyone is so discrete. I just don't know these women are who are so indiscrete while nursing that people keep talking about, I've never seen one! Unfortunately I don't have many pictures of me nursing, but here I am in our hotel room in France. You see my shirt easily covers my back, and in public my left arm would be covering my breast on that side. Baby covers my stomach.
http://kitt.smugmug.com/photos/236550719_pjhqB-L.jpg

[Katie&Micah]

magrat
Thanks for posting a pic! I agree that I've never met *those* women that are so indiscreet.

I've often nursed in front of ppl who had no idea what was going on. It was only when they got so close that they were sticking their faces in Maddy's face that they realized what was going on.

Thanks for all the great responses! It's interesting for me to hear different ideas and opinions.

[phart]

I am currently loving glamourmom tanks paired with the loose, flouncy shirts that are out right now. Not too hot and cover the PP flab:)

[jennylou]

magrat
Thanks for posting a pic! I agree that I've never met *those* women that are so indiscreet.

I think the ones who get a rap for being indiscreet - or whipping it out - are the ones who likely pull down the top of their shirts, rather than lift their shirts up, kiwm?

There's a woman I know who will walk around while nursing her DD, with her shirt pulled down. Now, I could give two hoots - but I'm sure when people are talking about those crazy BFers who whip it out, that they're talking about women like her. And, what's even more ironic to me is that you very rarely see that with BFers - most of the ones I see lift.

My sister's sil (got that?) pulled down her shirt at Thanksgiving one year. My sister had a pretty full house and yes, my husband was cringing (I was pregnant with our first then). Lest you think he's got something against NIP, he doesn't - he laid into his brother pretty hard when he told his wife that she couldn't nurse at a restaurant (even covered up).

BTW - those two women are the only ones I've come across that have been anything but indiscreet. So, two out of many. Whoop dido.

[Wrighty26]

I would definitely NOT leave the room if I were in your situation. It took me a while to feel comfortable BFing -- so initially I would leave the room. By the time my son was 3-4 months old though, I was a master at being discrete and just nursed wherever, whenever. While I always feared flashing my boob -- I hated hiding myself even more. Dressing rooms and bathrooms are not intended for a nursing mother!

FWIW - I have nursed in front of married men who don't have kids and it's never been a problem for me or them. If anything, they ask the most questions about the whole process of BFing.

[Katie&Micah]

I thought if this thread yesterday as I was nursing in the shoe section of JcPenney's. I was comfortable, covered up and DD was happy. I'm pretty sure a screaming baby is much more attention drawing than a nursing mama.

[jenji]

typically I do leave the room to nurse when we have company or if I'm in someone else's home. I don't mind nursing in public (panera, library, the park, etc) but now are issues is DS is 8 months and very easily distracted. when he was younger I would nurse him in front of close friends, but typically not my dad or brother. just weird for me.
I'm very discreet and I don't think people even realize that's what I'm doing half the time, but in our like I said Ds is VERY easily distracted right now and if there is ANYONE around (even DH or the dogs, and especially other people) he pops off and bends backwards to smile at them. That makes ME uncomfortable.

[jrdhbunny]

I have to admit that I'm not terribly discrete, but only because DD has some issues with latching and I can't deal with trying to cover up and keep her on at the same time. I do lift my shirt so I don't think you can see that much once I do get her attached, but it usually takes a little fumbling and I'm sure anyone in the room looking at me at first can see boob. (FTR- I don't NIP for just this reason; I usually go into a bathroom or a dressing room.)

If it's my house I don't think twice about it; if the company doesn't like it then they can leave the room. In someone else's home, I always ask where they would prefer that I nurse.