Joke of the Day

[hdewey]

You are too Canadian if...


1. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.
2. You dismiss all beers under 6% as "for children and the elderly".
3. You experience a warm fuzzy feeling while picturing a fat man with a blonde Mr. Spock haircut giving a recorder recital to an audience of two: an orange and purple sleepy-eyed giraffe with a voice like Lee Marvin and a
pin-headed hyper rooster who is made out of a flannel tea cozy and lives in a bag on the wall.

4. You can easily get several people near you to wax nostalgic on this same image (#3).

5. This doesn't bother you at all (#4).

6. You know who Ernie Coombs is.

7. You can still whistle the theme to "The Littlest Hobo".

8. Whenever you hear the word "car", you have to stop yourself from involuntarily reaching back for a hockey net.

9. You remember when Alanis Morisette was "Too Hot To Hold".

10. You have memorized the Heritage Foundation's Heritage Moments, including your favourites, "I smell burnt toast, Doctor", "You all know I canna read
a word... (was that REALLY Sarah McLachlan in that one?)", "Of course, the medium is the message", and "Kanata".

[Marisa]

1. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.

I just realized today that if someone says the word "chesterfield" my brain automatically fills in "or an ottoman".

Not Canadian here, just a Canado-phile (if that's even a word). :o

[Kimberland30]

1. You know all the words to "If I Had a Million Dollars", including the inter-stanza banter between Steven and Ed.


I'm not Canadian, but I love this song and know all the words (including the banter). My DD and I sing it all the time. :) Dijon ketchup anyone?

[Clubqueen]

Okay, I'm Canadian and I didn't get half of those references (specifically #3, 4, 5 and 6) :o

[attorneymom]

I'm not Canadian, but your post made me think of the OLD movie "Strange Brew" with Rick Moranis and Dave Thomas.

"Take off, to the Great White North, Take Off, it's a beauty way to fly."

I digress. . .

[SunnyAB]

You must be a young Canadian Clubqueen ;) #3 had me puzzled til the giraffe and the rooster - then memories came flooding back! :D I think I even know #6! (I'm not going to say right now - don't want to spoil it for anyone who wants to figure these out) :)

[hdewey]

You guys are great.
I love the way you try to figure it out HA HA.
The friendly giant would be proud. And so would the barenaked ladies, HA.

[hdewey]

1) The Last Supper would have been eaten the next morning - cold.
2) The Ten Commandments would actually be one five, doubled-spaced and written in a large font.
3)New edition would be published every two years in order to limit reselling.
4) Forbidden fruit would have been eaten because it wasn't cafeteria food.
5) Paul's letter to the Romans would become Paul's email to abuse@romans.gov.
6) Reason Cain killed Abel: They were roommates.
7) Reason why Moses and followers walked in the desert for 40 years: They didn't want to ask directions and look like freshmen.
8) Instead of God creating the world in six days and resting on the seventh, He would have put it off until the night before it was due and then pulled an all-nighter.

[DelSol]

The THREE BEARS story updated!


A far more accurate account of the events of that fateful morning...


Baby Bear goes downstairs, sits in his small chair at the table. He looks into his small bowl. It is empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he squeaks.

Daddy Bear arrives at the big table and sits in his big chair. He looks into his big bowl and it is also empty. 'Who's been eating my porridge?!?' he roars.

Mummy Bear puts her head through the serving hatch from the kitchen and yells, 'For God's sake, how many times do I have to go through this with you two idiots?'


She continues:

'It was Mummy Bear who got up first.
It was Mummy Bear who woke everyone in the house.
It was Mummy Bear who made the coffee.
It was Mummy Bear who unloaded the dishwasher from last night and then put everything away.
It was Mummy Bear who swept the floor in the kitchen.
It was Mummy Bear who went out in the cold early morning air to fetch the newspaper and croissants.
It was Mummy Bear who set the damn table.'


She sighs, and continues:

'It was Mummy Bear who walked the bloody dog, cleaned the damn cat's litter tray, gave them both their food, and refilled their water.

'And NOW that you've BOTH decided to drag your sorry bear-asses downstairs and grace Mummy Bear with your grumpy presence, ... listen carefully ... because I'm ONLY going to say this ONCE...


'I HAVEN'T HAD THE TIME TO MAKE YOUR F***ING PORRIDGE YET!!!'