birthdays and husbands/ SO's

[starfishdog]

Let me present a situation to you:

It's 2 weeks until your much dreaded 33rd birthday. You want something really special to happen because you've been really down lately about a lot of things. You want to be the center of attention. It doesnt have to be Bahama trip-cabana boy-60 carat diamond tennis bracelet-special. Just something that makes you feel a little special for a change, rather than some guys frumpy and dopey wife. BUT you live 500 miles from your family and friends, and about 3 hours from you husbands family. You don't have any friends where you live and you're married to a guy that does not have a romantic or creative bone in his body. Romance to him is a nipple twist and a hug. For example, he gave you a grey tshirt for his first birthday gift to you and a kitten for last years birthday. (Okay so the kitten was the best gift ever. But we dont need anymore pets this year! lol)

So, when your un-romantic, un-creative husband asks you "So what do you want to do for your birthday?"...do you tell him what you want specifically or do you hope he will surprise you, knowing fully well that either way you could be hella dissapointed??

[cgmom313]

I just tell my husband what I want. It is just so much easier that way. I also give him a list of things and then he can choose something which in some way I can be surprised.

In some instances (not many) he does surprise me but that is very few and far between.

[jimmysgirl424]

I'd be dropping alot of hints, leaving alot of magazines open to ad items that you are interested in, or even flat-out telling him what you have in mind. Have you tried maybe making a wish list on sites like Amazon, eBay, etc.? So many of the big shopping sites have that feature now and I personally believe that its made to order for people just like your husband! :)

[Happy1]

Tell him EXACTLY what you want. As in lay it all out for him. My DH, as hard as he tries sometimes, falls flat in the "wow" department. I'm thrilled he always remembers special occassions without me having to remind him but he has yet to actually surprise me or bring out the romance. He's so sweet and nice but it's just not in him. Romance to him is a potted plant that needs to go in our garden (which is better than nothing).

Some guys just need it all spelled out for them. Every.single.detail. For instance, we were married on 6/8/02 and my birthday is 7/17. For my first bday after we were married, I had to tell him that I wanted to go to this B&B in Lacrosse, WI, site see at x and y, eat supper at z and come home. He did "plan" it out and we did it and had fun but he never would have come up with it on his own.

Nikki :D

[karlatta]

I tell my DH specifically what I want. Otherwise, I get all upset that he didn't do what I wanted, and that's really not fair to him, because how is he supposed to know?

[PinkMartini]

Whoa! Sounds like my husband to a T!

Honestly, after being dissapointed so many times in the past on bday/anniversary, I've gotten to the point where I just tell him. He's a 'last min gift' kinda guy who goes to Kmart/Walmart (the DAY OF) and just throws stuff into the basket without much thought :rolleyes: I like to think I put thought & effort into picking out gifts for him, so it does bother me he doesn't return the favor....

Latest example, he got me a waffle iron for Mother's Day. I've never, ever said I wanted one (I'm sure he didn't know what to get and just picked the first thing he came across) and isn't there some sort of rule that you don't buy your wife kitchen appliances as gifts? :p

[tenofcups]

Tell him exactly what you want. You already know he's not creative and romantic in that way. If you wait for him to come up with something, you will only be disappointed. Why set yourself up for that?

[shaqangel]

i learned my lesson the hard way! after going all out for his 30th and getting no fun celebration for mine - i'm going to say specifically what i want from now on. tell him what you want and save yourself the disappointment:)

[imagirliegirl]

If I were you I would explain it to him just like you explained it to us. Hopefully he will do something great for you.

[meganth]

I don't believe in setting my husband up for failure - i'd just tell him what i want.

[Anna Low]

Plan it yourself and hand him the bill. I generally buy all of my own gifts - DH is a wonderful person, but pretty much refuses to go it on his own when it comes to gift giving. While our system lacks romance, it does ensure that I get what I want for birthdays and the like.

[ManteoChik]

If it were me, I'd say.....

"I want a spa day at xxxxx. You can call them at xxx-xxxx to set up a massage, pedicure, and manicure starting at 10am. After my spa day, lets go to xxxxxx restaurant - you can call them at xxx-xxxx to make a reservation for 7pm." :D

[cr8zyforaf]

I would be very specific with what you wanted...I am sure, much like my DH, your DH isn't a mind reader. I totally agree with the poster that said don't set him up for failure....give him SPECIFIC instructions on what will make your day special.

[Heather719]

If you want some element of surprise, what if you gave him the general frame work for what you'd like. Say something like "I'd like to go to a fancy place for dinner, like A, B or C. For a gift I'd really like either Y or Z- I'll send you the links for both and you decide."

Good luck and happy early birthday! :)

[mamax2]

If my DH asks me, I tell him what I want (or don't want). He *does* have it in his power to think of some good gifts, but he's been on a downward trend these past few years and if he asks, I answer!

[Chimichanga]

Don't drop hints; he won't get it.

Tell him exactly what you want.

I had to do this for my DH. He keeps thinking I want an iPod alarm clock even though I've told him MANY times I don't. I finally told him to get me a spa GC for my birthday.

[SiValleySteph]

If there's something I want, I will tell DH maybe once. He likes to pick things out, so if you tell him too specifically, he won't want to do it. I also tell him b/c a lot of times I don't really want anything, so no need to spend money.

If it's really important to me to do something/get something specific, I'll get it and say it's my present, no other present needed. :)

ETA - Like for Mother's Day, I really just wanted to get some clothes that fit nicely since I had just had a baby, so that's what I told DH. I went and bought them, he didn't buy anything, everyone was happy!

[TenOClockBird]

I agree with the majority here. Tell him exactly what you want or be prepared to be dissappointed. I am married to a sweet guy with no romance, too. I used to be bummed about missing out on the surprise factor. It used to bug me that he didn't spend time and effort thinking of ME and what I might like for a gift. I've made peace with it. It's just not his strong point. He spends a great deal of time and effort on my happiness, he just doesn't have a clue how to translate that into gift giving.

For our first married Valentine's Day, I got a signed copy of Bill O'Reilly's book. There's romance for you.

[katmg]

Don't drop hints; he won't get it.

Tell him exactly what you want.


Yup. DH has planned some great birthday/anniversary surprises but if there is something that I specifically want, I have to tell him. He tells me all the time - "I don't take hints!"

You know he isn't good at gifts/surprises, etc so just tell him what you want him to do. Spell it all out for him.

[scarlett]

I can tell DH exactly what I want and still not get a thing. Our anniversary was last Saturday and my gift was the same as my Mother's Day gift - nothing. I'm not expecting anything for my birthday next month either. It really sucks. I usually end up buying myself something and saying it is my gift, but it just doesn't have the same feeling.

[1_mommy]

i always tell mine what i want

[Kimberland30]

Tell him what you want, and be specific. Or....take care of it yourself (I was also going to suggest a spa day) and tell him you've already taken care of it. That's seriously what I would do.

My birthday was yesterday. DH asked me what I wanted (our anniversary was last week and he was on his own for that one). I told him "20-pound weights or a gift card from Target so I can get them myself". So I got weights. He was disappointed that I didn't ask for something "romantic" for my birthday, but I wanted weights damnit! :)

[mrschica]

I got lucky, DH is very sweet and romantic, but I do mention things that I'd like and he takes mental notes. Even though I adore that DH leaves me love letters around the house and surprises me on weekends with sushi and a movie at home (giving me a break from cooking and cleaning), I like to be up front about the material things I'd like or need.

For Mother's Day I actually wanted and asked for a potted plant to brighten up my kitchen. I love flowers and plants of all kinds and haven't had any to care for since moving to our new apartment, so he bought me a gorgeous potted flower that I've enjoyed seeing in my kitchen. I also asked for a new, big cooking pan made by a German company (I forget the name) since I spend a lot of time in the kitchen (I'm a total foodie). These are things that most moms don't want for Mother's Day, but I asked for them because I do like those kinds of practical things that are gonna make my life easier.

He felt bad though about not getting me something more "fun" and "just because" so this weekend I get to go on a little shopping spree for whatever I want (I'm thinking of some new sneakers). :)

So, I think you should just ask for what you want. I don't drop hints and wouldn't if I were you, you'll risk being disappointed. Some people just need things spelled out for them and that's alright. I think gift-giving is an art form, really, and not many people are good at it. That's fine, just let him know and if he wants to surprise you, tell him that he can give you your gift at a nice restaurant of his choice.

[Fenway]

If it were me, I'd say.....

"I want a spa day at xxxxx. You can call them at xxx-xxxx to set up a massage, pedicure, and manicure starting at 10am. After my spa day, lets go to xxxxxx restaurant - you can call them at xxx-xxxx to make a reservation for 7pm." :D
Love it!

I'd take it a step further and book the appts and reservation and say, "oh, by the way, this is what we're doing for my birthday."

My birthday is Saturday, and I want to have our friends over for dinner. I pretty much did all the inviting for DH, short of signing onto his computer and creating the evite. LOL.

[ShamrockBride]

I love my DH but he is stubborn, I think if I told him this is what I want, I set it up and bought it, he'd be mad. Usually if I want something really bad I'll mention it in front of one of his friends and they are almost always good for a huh? isnt your birthday coming up? why yes.... yes it is....
this year we did lump our anniversary/birthdays together and agreed to buy a wii for all of them (he surprised me by naming the wii paper, how did he know about that? I almost fell down)

[daener]

In my experience, I would advise being honest and straight-forward about your expectations. Every time I've hinted or hoped for a shared perpective I've been disappointed. And I've found that he LOVES living up to my expectations, even if I have to spell them out for him. At least that way, no one is disappointed (even if less dazzled since surprises are rare). In the end, we are both happy.

[Annette]

My DH makes things difficult when it comes to gifts. He doesn't like when I flat out tell him I would like or do X, Y or Z. He'd rather it be a surprise or something thoughtful. Thats nice and all but when you've known eachother 10+ years it makes it difficult. Unfortunately, this is also a problem the other way around. I would love for him to tell me what he wants, but he'd rather let me try to figure it out and it can be a real pain sometimes. I'm also not that creative, so its been difficult planning his birthdays.