Suddenly Fearful Toddler

[ahavnes]

My DD, Abbey, has always been a cautious child. She's not a climber (thank heavens) and doesn't regularly test her physical boundaries. However, she's always enjoyed the standard toddler activities, like swimming and going to the park.

For some reason, within the past two weeks, she's become very fearful of everything! For example, two weeks ago we went to the pool at our club and swam for nearly four hours. We had such a great time, and she was so upset when we had to leave. But the last two times I've taken her, she's covered her ears and started shaking, pleading to go home. I just don't get it! I can't think of anything that happened on our last trip to the pool that would have frightened her so. :confused: She's normally very verbal, but she wouldn't say what was scaring her, just that she wanted to go home. When we got home and I brought it up, she refused to talk about it.

We're also getting ready to go on a family trip this Friday to see my family in Miami and take her to Disney World. While she's very excited about the trip, she's suddenly afraid to fly. She keeps asking if we can drive to Florida instead. :rolleyes: This child has probably flown more than your average adult and has always loved it, so I'm really not sure where this is coming from! I'm traveling alone with her on Friday (DH is meeting us there), and I'm very worried about what will happen. :o

Has anyone else experienced this and, if so, how did you deal with it? I'm sure it's a developmental thing, but I really miss my ready-for-anything little girl!

[GlamaGal]

I haven't experienced this with my DD, but she's a half-year younger than yours, so maybe it's developmental?

I'd call your ped and get some hints. I'd also talk up the plane ride and Disney World and let her pick out some fun things for the plane ride. A new sticker book, special snacks, a little plane for her to play with now & on the plane, a new doll to dress/undress (Barbie Easy for Me 1-2-3 for toddlers), new books- all types of things to go in maybe a new back pack she can carry and be responsible for? Maybe you could pack it this week and spend time talking about how the plane is really a big bus with wings.

[Renrel]

DS was never a particularly cautious child, but he has always needed some time to warm up to a new situation and has shown good judgment(ie - he realized very young that height = danger and would on his own decided to go down a set of steep stairs on his butt, or backy back.) So he has been adventurus w/o being reckless. I don't remember him going though a time of extreme fear (shaking and panicy over a trip to the park.) But we definately went though a time (around 3.5 I think) when he suddenly was afraid to do things on the playground that he had done easily and without fear on prior trips. It would frustrate and concern DH alot (worried that DS was developing a fearful appoach to life which would have long term negative effects) but I think it was just part of growing awareness of the world and a new understanding of danger. We continued to encourage him to try the things he was afraid to do and reasssure that he could do them by himself while trying not to push. We would hold his hand and let do things in the way he was able to while voicing our faith that he could do more when he was ready to try it. In time he over came his fears on his own and was suddenly back to doing the playground equiptment himself that he had for months he had either avoided or would do only while holding our hands or one his hands and knees. I can't think of anything that changed. He just grew into and out of his fear.

FWIW, DS is a very grounded kid. He does not belive in monsters or that his toys have feelings or that tv character are real. If you try to tell him any of this "nonsense" he will roll his eyes and tell you they are not real. (though he has no problem with imagination play, pretending is fun, just don't try to convince him pretend is real.) This view of the world vs a more imaginative view would have an effect on some fears, (the dark, being alone, monsters under the bed) though those do not seem to be the ones you are dealing with at them moment.

[ahavnes]

GlamaGal-That's the thing...she's flown a million times and knows she can count on new toys and as much TV as she wants (;)). And she really likes looking at planes and talking about them. That's why I'm so confused. I think I will take your advice and talk to the ped though. Thank you!

Renrel-I think DD is going through something very similar to what you describe your DS experiencing. As you said, she is also very grounded and usually has a pretty good idea of what is a real threat and what is not. I'm afraid I'm just going to have to wait it out, but it sure is frustrating! I want to go to the pool! :)

[rancherswife]

Alicia, we're dealing with some similar stuff w/ Landon lately. Go figure!
We went to a b-day party at this warehouse full of different types of bounce houses a couple of weeks ago. Mind you, for Reece's first b-day in March, we had a bounce house in our backyard and he had a blast, he covered his ears and was terrified of this place, saying the music was too loud and he was scared and would NOT go in, waited out in the front area, obviously, we left 10 mins. after arriving. Even with his bff Jack at his side, he wanted nothing to do w/the place! I was so frustrated, yet felt so bad for him at the same time, he also did not want to talk about it, all he said was "it's too loud!" He does not have issues with loud noises either, so I'm puzzled. He's also freaking out and shaking and melting down over baths these days too. I know this is somewhat normal for their age, so it doesn't bother me as much, but I totally know what you mean, it's so strange, and you wish you could figure it out?

[Renrel]

rancherswife - Has he been in places with a similar type of noise level before? My DS had no issues with loud noices as a baby. He loved our first fire works experience when he was about 18 mths, crying when it stopped because he wanted more but fasinated while it was going on. But he does get upset at times over noisy situations, like applaudes, or resturants where the back ground noice makes it hard for him to hear us or us to hear him. It is not a fear but an issue with either the annoyance of the noice itself or with how it makes it hard for him to concentrate on what he wants/needs to hear.

ahavnes - I think that developmentally it just has to do with a new awareness of the world and cause and effect. Like how a a certain age kids suddenly care in a different way about you leaving them and want to see you and only be with you even though previously they were happy being held by anybody or at least anyone they knew reasonably well. Not a whole lot you can do other than acknowledge the feel and reasure that you will keep her safe. If she has any faith in magic you can try to come up with some kind of talsman that will keep her safe. A ring, doll, toy airplane, perfume, whatever might work. I had a friend whose child dealt with her fear of monsters by walking around the room with a magic wand I gave her. (It was a great light up thing with sparkles in it so it "looked" powerful. But I don't know how well this kind of thing works with a very grounded in reality kid. Though my kid is willing to suspend belief in regards to my father "magic ability" to make coins appear from out of his ears and nose, regardless of the fact he does not believe in magic.

[ahavnes]

Kim-Yes! What is it with the covering the ears thing? That's exactly what Abbey does, and it's not even loud.

Renrel-I really like the talsman idea. She's always asking for her daddy to protect her when she's scared, so maybe he can give her something to carry around (especially since he won't be with us on the plane ride out there).

[lil_nance]

It must be a developmental thing. We have a dog, our friends have dogs, I love all dogs. Yet suddenly, DS is afraid of dogs. He'll cower behind me and try to climb into my arms. He will pet the dog if I tell him it's ok but then in the next moment he is cowering again. This is from a kid who had a giant husky lick his face at 18mo and went back for more, laughing the whole time. He is also sometimes afraid of his older friends when they chase him making noises.

We went through the irrational fear of baths last year. Lasted a month or so and then went away almost as quickly as it started.

[twinnyme]

I think it was just part of growing awareness of the world and a new understanding of danger

I agree with this very much and do think it's a developmental thing. Last summer my DD (2.5 at the time) was scared to death of the water sprinklers though the previous summer (1.5 years) she LOVED them. As we head into sprinkler season again, I'm really hoping she'll enjoy them this year - especially as a new one just opened up very close to us! She also was similar at the park - generally I'd characterize her as a daredevil at the park but we had a few months where she was scared of everything and we just kept gently encouraging her to "get back on the horse," so to speak. This year she's her usual self at the park and I'm loving seeing it again. It's giving me hope for sprinklers!

I'm trying to think what else it was that she was scared of at the time - I know there were a few things that suddenly out of the blue she started to be scared of though she'd never been before. I remember commenting on it and worrying about it a great deal in my journal - but it seems to have passed, thankfully.

ETA: Odd about the plane, too - though I'd guess it's similar for her. I hope it goes well on Friday for you, and I agree with a talisman like thing for her to have. Not many other tips about that, though!

[Renrel]

One other possible thing to concider for the plane ride, if you are really worried about how she will react, is to use an over the counter cold medicine to "sedate" her. I know that many people concider it wrong to medicate in this manner but I think it is a personal decision. I remember reading about one Ped. who lectured parents about the wrongness of this...until she had her own child. Once she was dealing with a difficult toddler on a long plane trip she decided it was not child abuse or lazy parenting to resort to this tool. And I believe there are many adults who medicate with sedatives, including often alcohol, to help them deal with a phobia of flying. I myself have a phobia of being in water over my head. So I can swim laps in a pool that gets deep, if I am by the wall, but about half as many as I can in a pool that stays shallow. If a seditive made sense for my phobia I would concider it. ) Anyway, if you concider this "tool" be sure and try it out in advance since some people (like me) get hyper rather than drousy as a side effect. (As my mom learned the hardway, when she tryed this "tool" on me when I was about 3 and my sister was an infant and she was traveling alone to Florida from New York.)

[ahavnes]

LOL- yes I have definitely tried the "tool" and it (unfortunately) had the adverse effect on my little one. :o

[scout]

I think it was just part of growing awareness of the world and a new understanding of danger I"m noticing this with my ds as well. In November, he happily went to a tumbling class without me, but in April, he was clingy and fearful. This, from the same kid that pushes me out the door so he can go to daycare. I think it's because they're starting to reason more and understand more.