Are you proud of the "My Wife" title?

[cocopops]

Are you offended when DH refers to you as "my wife" or "the other half", etc. in conversation with others?

I went out to breakfast this morning with a few of DH's co-workers and their wives. One of the guys was discussing something and kept referring to his wife (who was right beside him) as "my wife and I"

She cut him off and then snapped at him for saying "my wife" then began to correct him with her name. The whole thing was a bit odd and IMO disrespectful to him :cool: he clearly felt uncomfortable after she said that.

I am proud of the "my wife" title :D

So what are your thoughts?

[kedzieb]

I prefer my name. I don't consider "wife" to be an achievement.

ETA: Anyone else think of the Seinfeld where that woman kept talking about her fiance? "Where is my fiance?"

[diam124]

I think it's a bit weird that he was saying "my wife" rather than her name when she was sitting right there. The only time I use "my husband" is with someone who doesn't know him and wouldn't know him by name.

[PinkMartini]

I think it's a bit weird that he was saying "my wife" rather than her name when she was sitting right there. The only time I use "my husband" is with someone who doesn't know him and wouldn't know him by name.

I agree and that's the only time I use "My husband" as well!

[tenofcups]

I'm not proud of or offended by its use as a description (I don't think of it as a title). But that's guy usage of it sounds really weird -- I don't blame her for being annoyed. It sounds awkward that she snapped in front of everyone else, but we have no idea how often they've had this conversation or what else might have led to that.

The only time I can think that we really use the word is if we're making an introduction "So and so, this is my wife, Ten." Or I'll use it if I'm talking to someone who doesn't know Dh's name. Or a rare occasion I'll use it when talking to someone close if I'm annoyed with Dh, as in, "Yes, well, my husband doesn't want to do that."

[mamax2]

I think it's a bit weird that he was saying "my wife" rather than her name when she was sitting right there. The only time I use "my husband" is with someone who doesn't know him and wouldn't know him by name.

ITA! I'm not at all offended by 'my wife' (or Mommy or daughter or any other title/role I may have). I would think it's odd if my DH didn't use my name in conversation with people he knew well or when I was sitting right there. It seems, to me, more a way to refer to someone indirectly.

I have a neighbor who always says 'my husband' even when we're all perfectly friendly w/each other and know his name is Tom. It's slightly weird, but certainly never offensive, IMO.

[KiKi'sMommy]

I would think it was odd if I was sitting right there. I mean if we are even somewhat familiar with people we refer to each other by our names. The only time he does say it is when someone does not know me. I have to admit, I kinda like it and think it is cute when he says it. He is one of those guys that waited a long time to get married, so when he says it, you can tell that I am someone he loves very much and think I am very important. It still makes me happy to hear him say it, even after 5 years. I would get annoyed if he referred to me as his wife when we were talking to people who obviously knew my name. I also hate it when people call their spouse "the wife" or "the other half." That is just disrespectful in my opinion.

[laura]

I'm not proud or not proud of being a wife. I cannot say I really care how my husband refers to me to others (assuming it isn't rudely!). Sometimes I say 'my husband' to people who know his name b/c I am so used to talking about him to people who don't know him and it's just habit. Eh, whatever.

[cocopops]

I just didn't see the need to bark at him in front of a group of people she had never met. I felt so bad for him, his face turned bright red and he forgot what he was talking about. lol. I giggle about it now because her head looked like it was about to start spinning but at the time it was just sad.

We all kind of looked around at one another like woah.... :eek: She could have saved the drama for after the gathering.

[kedzieb]

I just didn't see the need to bark at him in front of a group of people she had never met. I felt so bad for him, his face turned bright red and he forgot what he was talking about. lol. I giggle about it now because her head looked like it was about to start spinning but at the time it was just sad.

We all kind of looked around at one another like woah.... :eek: She could have saved the drama for after the gathering.

Well, of course. Barking at someone in public is rude. I'm not surprised it made everyone uncomfortable.

[KiKi'sMommy]

I just didn't see the need to bark at him in front of a group of people she had never met. I felt so bad for him, his face turned bright red and he forgot what he was talking about. lol. I giggle about it now because her head looked like it was about to start spinning but at the time it was just sad.

We all kind of looked around at one another like woah.... :eek: She could have saved the drama for after the gathering.


I can see what you are saying, but I also know that sometimes I just get so annoyed, I forget how I might come off. I am sure she didn't mean to embarrass him

ETA: Of course my DH would just tell me to stuff it if I was being rude, so we balance each other out! :)

[yby1]

I just didn't see the need to bark at him in front of a group of people she had never met. I felt so bad for him, his face turned bright red and he forgot what he was talking about. lol. I giggle about it now because her head looked like it was about to start spinning but at the time it was just sad.

We all kind of looked around at one another like woah.... :eek: She could have saved the drama for after the gathering.

I agree. I'm sure that he was just in the habit of calling her "My wife" since he was talking with his co-workers. I refer to DH as "My husband" to my co-workers. She was completely wrong for snapping at him like that. If she was annoyed, she should have said so privately.

[maplekitty]

i think instead of chewing him out, she could have been a bit more tactful and maybe joked a little saying "sweety, they know who I am..."

yah, odd, but I dunno, not something I'd pick an argument with my DH over infront of people....

[Natasha]

I refer to him as my husband all the time! I like it! We've only been married 8 months, but my mom has been married for 3 years and calls my step dad that all the time. Sometimes I call him husband instead of his first name when talking directly to him.

However, if I knew it annoyed him, I wouldn't do it. Unless I wanted to annoy him, of course... :D

ETA: In response to the OP's question, I like being called his wife, as well. I don't know if I am necessarily proud of it, but I do like it.

[hub1176]

I don't see the big deal, but maybe this was something they've already discussed and she lost it?

[SpelKen]

My DH used to call me "wife" all the time and it was my title in his cell phone even (I think it still is). I asked why and he said that's what I am to him but I told him I liked my name just fine.

Now, I think he calls me baby 95% of the time. I call him that too, except that now I'm preggo and when talking to/with the baby, half the time he doesn't know if I mean him or the baby. :)

[WisWis]

I would have been annoyed if DH had done that when we were out. I might have pointed it out to him at the time, depending on who we were with. I would definitely have mentioned it later. I may have married him but I do have my own name and I prefer when he uses that. I rarely call him my husband, even when introducing him. We're just Felicity and Zach and we're together.

[imagirliegirl]

Are you offended when DH refers to you as "my wife" or "the other half", etc. in conversation with others?


No - I am his wife. I wouldn't say the title makes me "proud" or anything, but it certainly doesn't bring me any distress! I refer to my husband as "my husband" if I'm talking to people who don't know him, will probably never know him, and would have no clue who I meant if I just said his name.

I guess if he kept calling me "my wife" in my presence I might say something like, "hey nerd, I'm right here, I have a name" or something lighthearted. I would never chew him out though. I can't believe that woman did that. Embarrassing!

[HeatherH]

No - I am his wife. I wouldn't say the title makes me "proud" or anything, but it certainly doesn't bring me any distress! I refer to my husband as "my husband" if I'm talking to people who don't know him, will probably never know him, and would have no clue who I meant if I just said his name.

I guess if he kept calling me "my wife" in my presence I might say something like, "hey nerd, I'm right here, I have a name" or something lighthearted. I would never chew him out though. I can't believe that woman did that. Embarrassing!

ITA! It's not that being someone's wife is an achievement. I'm not sure why anyone would look at it that way. :confused: Rather, it is a special relationship that no one else shares with DH but me. My DH refers to me as his wife all the time. He is so used to it that sometimes I have heard his close friends say, "you don't have to call her that, I know her name". LOL It doesn't bother me either way. I am secure enough with my own identity that I don't have a problem being referred to as his wife. *shrug*

[jennylou]

I think it's a bit weird that he was saying "my wife" rather than her name when she was sitting right there. The only time I use "my husband" is with someone who doesn't know him and wouldn't know him by name.

Agreed.

[dana b]

my husband would totally refer to me as "my wife" in that situation, he does it all the time in front of co-workers. i think he likes saying it, like he's proud to call me his wife and i think that's sweet :)

[Aimee]

It's a little odd given she was right there but not worthy of yelling at him.

I probably would have made a joke like "gee, honey, do you have a wife other than me that you have to keep using such a generic term rather than my name?"

I wouldn't say I'm proud of being a wife. It's my marital status, not some sort of trophy.

[Chimichanga]

I'm okay with "my wife" at times. It doesn't really bother me.

What I don't like is when I'm sitting in the room and I'm referred to as "her" or "she" by DH to his family. I do talk to him about those instances (but in private; never in public) because I feel it's a bit disrespectful since I'm sitting right there.

[tlew12778]

I think it's a bit weird that he was saying "my wife" rather than her name when she was sitting right there. The only time I use "my husband" is with someone who doesn't know him and wouldn't know him by name.

ITA with this.

[msnicolea]

I actually love hearing the words "This is my wife Nicole" come out of my hubby's mouth when he introduces me to people--I love it!! Now, if he used it excessively or in lieu of my name, yeah--that would be lame.

[Kimberland30]

Like others have said, the only time DH would use "my wife" is to speak of me with someone who might not know me. I don't think he's ever said just "my wife" when we are together.

I refer to him as "my husband" all the time, but I do say "my husband Jeff" more often if I'm talking to someone who doesn't know him. I also do this when I talk about "my brother Chris" or "my friend Tom". It's not really a title per se, just letting a person know how they are related to me to keep up with the story.

[starfishdog]

If my husband constantly referred to me as "my wife" instead of using my name I'd probably get irritated too. At least say "my wife, name". lol But I can't say for sure as "my husband" (LOL) always introduces me as Susan vs "my wife". But I don't mind being called "my wife" they way he does it. ESPECIALLY, if he's introducing me a to a female that I am threatened by and he knows it.

[looch]

I don't mind being referred to as "my wife" by my husband, but i would object if he called me "Wife" instead of my name. Sometimes, though, he calls me "woman" but that's usually when I have done something that angers him, like hyperorganizing his sock drawer, lol.

[Belm]

I actually love hearing the words "This is my wife Nicole" come out of my hubby's mouth when he introduces me to people--I love it!! Now, if he used it excessively or in lieu of my name, yeah--that would be lame.

This is what DH does too (well except he says Brenna instead of Nicole). :D

[msnicolea]

Murray, I have repeatedly told you not to call me "woman."

[1_mommy]

If i was sitting right next to him, or in the same group, i would hope he would call me by my name.

I don't mind being called "my wife" but if i was there with him, it would seem weird

[DallasLady]

I am proud to be a wife, I wouldn't have gotten married if I felt otherwise. And I do think of it as an accomplishment. Annd yes "my wife" is possesive, but, I am after all his wife. Just like he is my husband.

That said, we don't go around referring to one another as "my wife" or "my husband." But we don't avoid saying it either, it just depends on the tone of the conversation and who we are speaking to.

[Chimichanga]

Murray, I have repeatedly told you not to call me "woman."

Excuse me Miss Dionne :p

[villanelle75]

It's not that I mind "my wife:. It's that I think it is strange and a bit rude to refer to a person who is present, or who everyone would know by name, by a category or relationship to one's self, as opposed to their name.

How odd would it be if I was out with a bunch of people who knew each other's names and in telling a story about our friend Sue, who was sitting next to me, I kept saying, "my friend did this, and then my friend said that. My friend was so funny that day" ?

[MichelleRenee]

DH doesn't use the phrase too often (probably because we are rarely around people we don't both know) but when he does use it I am very proud and I do like it.

I once met a guy who introduces his wife as his "ho." That wouldn't fly with me.

[mkredhead]

I love the term "my wife" and am proud of it. DH rarely uses it, but when he does it makes me feel good. It's usually in the context of "This is my wife Maureen."

[Kimberland30]

I once met a guy who introduces his wife as his "ho." That wouldn't fly with me.

If my DH ever did that - even joking - he wouldn't be able to feel his nuts for a week. Or as "Larry the Cable Guy" says, he'd be pooping out his own pecker.

[TX Sweetheart]

I'd be highly annoyed if he kept referring to me as "my wife" if I was sitting right there, but I certainly wouldn't chew him out in public because of it... that was just plain rude.

I do love it when he introduces me to people as "this is my wife Renee"... though it does sound weird because we always call each other Sweetie or Baby at home... I don't hear my name coming from him often LOL

[ktsb]

I don't see the big deal, but maybe this was something they've already discussed and she lost it?

Yep, this. What if it was the hundreth time and she's told him 99 times before.

I agree, I'm exstatic to have the title, but maybe not so much when I'm sitting right there. :rolleyes:

[LRL]

I have no problem being called "my wife", but I agree that the particular case as posted by the OP is strange. She should have called him on it privately.

I refer to my DH as "husband" to people who don't know him, like co-workers. But even then, it seems a little silly to keep calling him husband because they get to "know" him through me, so I eventually start calling him by name even to people who have never met him.

[tray622]

I want my name. I hate when my husband says, "I am hanging out with my wife." I know everyone he does and they know my name. He has a weird thing bout telling his friends, "Tell your girl I said hi." I hate things like that, especially when it is with our friends.

[attorneymom]

My DH and I don't use "my husband" or "my wife" if the other is present, unless we're telling some sort of eye-rolling story about each other. My husband used to call me "wifey", and I put a stop to that. Ugh.

I refer to my DH as "my husband" if I'm talking to people who don't know us, and by his name if I'm talking to people who do.

I have a colleague to always refers to "my wife" because she has a very masculine sounding name (I've never heard of another woman with the name), and he got tired of explaining to people that she was his wife, not his "partner." He isn't homophobic, but he's definitely straight!

[Heidi9771]

I am very proud of the "wife" title :D but would find it a bit odd if it was overly used in one conversation referring to me while I am sitting there.

[looch]

Murray, I have repeatedly told you not to call me "woman."

"Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones."

LOVE Clueless!

[tenofcups]

Thought of this thread last night when I caught a rerun of Jon and Kate Plus 8. They were in their chair being interviewed about a particular day and Jon was talking and said something like "My wife decided to..." and she immediately asked him to use her name instead of "my wife." Not in a bitchy way, but quite clear.

[Traciann]

I like the term wife, I waited along time to become one! The only time I have used the term husband is when I am talking to people about my husband who don't really know him. I am certain dh does the same thing.

[mrschica]

ITA! It's not that being someone's wife is an achievement. I'm not sure why anyone would look at it that way. :confused:

I'm assuming some people might see being married as an achievement because of the weight it carries as far as commitment, and the emotional implications more than anything, seeing as how not every person you meet is "marriage material". It takes two strong people to make that sort of pact together, so I'm assuming, this may be a reason why some people are proud of being married; it's not for the faint of heart.

Around our friends and family, DH and I refer to each other by name, but with strangers, co-workers, or friends who aren't mutual, we do say "wife" and "husband" or else they'd have no clue who we were referring to.

As far as pride associated with being a wife or husband, I think it makes sense in the scope of family. A lot of people are proud of their family and delight in that creation, and I personally see nothing wrong with it. For myself, my pride is based on, not achievements (whether in career or family) but rather, in personal experiences and the lessons therein, in having lived fully and done what I love the most. Not what I have, nor the titles attached to my name, are the core of my self, but they're definitely important and I give them their place on the figurative trophy mantel.

:cool:

[LittleFredPunkinHead]

This would annoy me. It's one thing if my DH were to refer to me as "my wife" when I'm not right there with him, but it'd be another, rather irritating thing if he were to do it right in front of me, while we're in conversation with other people. :confused:

[msnicolea]

"Okay, but, street slang is an increasingly valid form of expression. Most of the feminine pronouns do have mocking, but not necessarily in misogynistic undertones."

LOVE Clueless!

You and me both!

[keiranzma]

I once met a guy who introduces his wife as his "ho." That wouldn't fly with me.
PLEASE.tell.me.you're.kidding...

:eek: :mad: