Too scared to sleep?????

[MrsSpencer]

ugh! DS was up on my breast from 10pm-2am! anytime I tried to take him off when I thought he'd fallen asleep he'd either scream or I'd lay him in his cradle and he'd throw up, then scream. He would sleep for 30 minutes after 2 then wake up hungry again, then he'd suck four or five times and fall back asleep, but if I tried to move him God forbid! Around 4am I laid him down beside me to feed him that way, and we both fell asleep for 2 and a half hours! But DH came in mad yelling at me telling me I can't fall asleep with him in bed with me! I didn't mean to..I passed out and DS was fine I don't toss and turn in my sleep, especially when I pass out from being exhausted! Then he had the nerve to ask me if I had "time" could I de-clutter the divider in the kitchen! I vaccumed yesterday, and when DH got home and was putting together my little island for my kitchen he let the dog tear up all the strafoam (sp) in the floor..needless to say I wasn't a happy camper whatsoever! Then my mom asked how I was doing and I told her he wants to eat every 20 minutes sometimes then can go four hours at other times and just sleep??? She tells me he's not eating enough to make him full so he's always hungry..I told her that he isn't actually "eating" everytime I put him on..he just sucks and falls asleep. I tried putting a paci in his mouth when he does this but he spits it out and screams??? He's happy if I'm holding him and I can lay him in the pnp for about 10-15 minutes before he starts screaming..or throws up on himself??? I've gotten about 6-7 combined hours of sleep I think since I've had him, even when he's asleep for the little time he is in his cradle I'm too scared to fall asleep I literally have woken myself up and realized my hand was laying on his chest to make sure he's breathing...this has got to stop or I will pass out and fall asleep and something bad will happen???

[KRL626]

You remind me of myself! I was the same way. Don't feel bad about letting DS fall asleep while nursing. I did it all the time and also didn't mean to. I guess the best advice I can give you is that you will start to relax and get sleep eventually. If possible have someone come and take DS right after he eats and hold him, rock him, pacify him in some way. Go in the bedroom, put in earplugs, and tell them to call you if he can't be calmed down or seems hungry and try and get some rest. It is really difficult and that first time mom anxiety is really tough. Hang in there.

[PinkMartini]

Oh yea, those first few weeks are ROUGH! I don't think anyone gets much sleep at first...

I agree, can someone (DH maybe?) take him after he's eaten and let you go to sleep?

[MrsSpencer]

I would but I'm by myself all day and DH sleeps on the couch down the hall at night because he goes to work and I try not to disturb him at night. He even says he doesn't hear him screaming! I would nap during the day but I have a dog that occasionally needs let out and I can't bring myself to put him in the pnp to nap if I do since it doesn't have my babysense monitor in it...will I ever not be afraid of losing him?

[twainny]

Your baby is only like 2 weeks old!!! Don't sweat it... he will get the hang of sleeping. Why doesn't your DH want him to sleep on you or in your bed? My first slept on me ON THE COUCH for the first month or so! Whatever works to get them to sleep! I LOVED cuddling with him (that only lasts so long). I have always had a really hard time moving my sleeping kids too (3 yo and 10 mo).

Good Luck, it does get better!

[PinkMartini]

What about in the evenings once DH gets home from work? Can he keep him for a few hours in between feedings so you can get some rest???

I'm not sure if you'll ever stop being afraid of losing him, but it does get easier. I was super, super paranoid when my DS was first born (waking myself up at night to go check on him, ect) but was a lot less scared once my DD got here...

[jesseybell]

will I ever not be afraid of losing him?

Yes and no. Yes in the regards that there will be a day when you don't go check on him a million times a day/night and you will fall asleep. The first night they STTN you will freak out when you realize that both you and he slept for X # of hours and he is okay. There really isn't anything anyone can say or do except to tell you that he will be okay and you will get through this phase. It is hard and in a few months or a few years you'll look back on this time a laugh (or you'll forget all about how hard it is).

And the No is - at 21 months I still get afraid of losing her but this kind of fear is the kind you'll have for the rest of your life - it doesn't consume you, it doesn't keep you up at night.

Are you swaddling him? Let him sleep in a swing or car seat? Maybe you can get some more sleep that way.

[RobynScott]

MrsSpencer - do you have a babycarrier? If not, you NEED one. My DS was also one that would only sleep on me - using my Moby and my Pesnut Shell saved me - he would literally only sleep on.me

Also there were times I feel asleep against my pillow with him on the boppy - I was just so, so tired. I just kept my hand around him (even as we fell asleep) and we were ok.

If you're really worried about napping when he sleeps b/c you don't have the monitor in the pack-n-play - then I would either put him down for naps in the crib (where the monitor is) - or just let him sleep in the pnp. I think we all worry - for me it helped knowing I was in the same room.

Will he sleep in the swing at all? It took a while till my DS would nap there so I feel your pain!

re: the pacifer - we use/d the soothie pacifier and I used to have to literally hold it in DS's mouth to get him to take / keep it. Sometimes he would comfort nurse and when I was sure that's what it was - I would sneak the pacifier in while simultaneously pushing the nipple out and get him to take it that way.

Good luck - it's really rough at the beginning - especially when you are getting no sleep or time to yourself! (and tell your DH he can go ahead and clean the kitchen himself!)

[MrsSpencer]

yes I swaddle him, don't have a swing yet he hates the carseat lol! My mom doesn't understand why I worry..she said she never did and SIDS doesn't run in our family..she doesn't understand it's not totally genetic..I just wish him sleeping didn't scare me so much. My mom is coming over in a few hours to help me with my house, but can't stay long enough for me to get a nap DH has to mow when he gets home so hopefully I can at least get to bed an hour early??

[MrsSpencer]

I seriously don't know what I would do if I didn't have you all to talk to!

[cr8zyforaf]

mrsspencer - hang in there- it does get better....those first few months are horrible, IMO. DD was the same way - I just let her sleep on me...on the couch, in our bed. I also used the swing a lot....it will take some time for you to figure out your groove...I would just ignore what your mom said about him not getting full..DD was also a snacker and fell asleep eating for months...everyone told me I was starting a bad habit but she was fine.

will I ever not be afraid of losing him?
No, it will just become a different kind of fear. DD is almost 3 and I worry about all that could happen to her from time to time- it isn't a fear like I had in the beginning but it is still there. My mom said that I now have a piece of my heart walking around on the outside of me....it is impossible not to worry.

As far as the cleaning and organizing goes..let it go. Your whole world has changed...cleaning and organizing can wait - or get someone to come over and help you with the chores...I felt bad about this at first - but after a few months of feeling like I was living in a dump, every time some came over and asked if there was something they could do - I gave them a chore.

[PinkMartini]

My mom said that I now have a piece of my heart walking around on the outside of me....it is impossible not to worry.

Couldn't have put it any better :)

MrsSpencer, I'd have your DH put off mowing tonight until tomorrow to let you get some rest. Sleep deprivation does some crazy things and any sleep you can get will help!

[MrsSpencer]

I will defainatly get a carrier.

[Pine Tree]

I never felt comfortable co-sleeping, so we never did it. Don't feel like you have to if you don't want to. A carrier can be a lifesaver, and my DD loved the swing. Try to work out a way to nap during the day - you have to take care of yourself first in order to take care of your DS. Put your DS in the cradle for naps and take a nap yourself. If you need to let the dog out, then set an alarm to wake up (cell phone on vibrate maybe) to let the dog out. Or, see if someone else can dog sit for a week or so to give you a break.

Can you DH help out even for a little bit at night? If not, as soon as he gets home can you go to bed and he watches the baby for a few hours?

[jimmysgirl424]

MrsSpencer First of all...(((HUGS))) to you. I promise, I swear, it will get better (and easier) for you!! My advice is pretty much more of the same of what you've already gotten here but I had to throw it in anyway just so you know you've got support here. The most important thing to remember right now is that you need to do whatever it takes for your DS AND you to get some sleep. Seriously. If that means him sleeping on you while you lay on the couch or in bed, so be it. Or him in the PNP, or a swing, carseat, crib, bouncy seat, whatever works, do it!! Oh, and tell your DH that if he wants something "de-cluttered", he can either do it himself or wait till you and your DS are through the 'fourth trimester'.

I remember being very resentful of my family and DH trying to tell what to do and what not to do. It really does come down to doing what works the best for the two most important people; you and your DS. Period. So even if your mom thinks she is giving you helpful advice, you need to just let it roll off your back for now, okay? Believe it or not, even at this stage you are already learning and figuring out what is best for your baby. Don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

It is really so important that you get rest whenever and wherever you can. When my daughter was the same age as your DS is, I would wake up in the mornings, feed her and then we would lay down on the couch together. She would sleep laying on my chest (on her belly) while I napped. It worked just fine, honest!!

Hang in there!! This is the hardest part of dealing with a newborn.

[MrsSpencer]

thanks guys...ds has problems feeding too...he arches, projectile vomits, flairs his arms and legs, gets big eyes before he throws up???

[cr8zyforaf]

sounds like reflux..I would talk to your doctor.

[MrsSpencer]

he has an appt thursday, hopefully they'll let me know something then.

[TracyDP]

I seriously don't know what I would do if I didn't have you all to talk to!

I Feel the same way, especially when DD was brand new and I was overwhelmed and sleep deprived. Just knowing others had been or were going through the same thing helped SO much. :)

Don't worry right now about sleeping with your baby. Co-sleeping doesn't have to mean having the baby actually next to you in bed. I had one of those co-sleepers that sits on the middle of the bed and would put her to sleep in there, usually with my arm over the side, touching her. If she woke fussing up I would put her in the crook of my arm and let her sleep with me. I never once worried about something happening since I don't move hardly at all in my sleep. If I turn over or anything I always wake up. I would NOT have let her sleep w/ DH since he is always turning and moving w/o waking up. Of course, if you are not comfortable with that you can leave them in the co-sleeper and just have them where you can touch and comfort. I kept her in the room with us in an Arms Reach co-sleeper next to the bed until she was 4m and it helped SO much. I would not have been able to sleep well at all with her in a separate room at that young age. Over the 4 months she slowly slept w/ me less and less until now at 8m she only sleeps on me when I give her the last bottle before nap/bedtime and even then she will wake up after a few minutes and want to go to her crib.

I still have the in-bed cosleeper (http://www.toysrus.com/product/index.jsp?productId=2641447)and would be happy to send it to you free if you would be interested in using it. I got it from another mother on here for free when I needed one and want to "pay it forward". PM me if you are interested. It's clean, no stains, never been spit up on or diaper leaked on.

[SiValleySteph]

Our babies are the same age. My DS is hard to put down after he falls asleep as he is very gassy and if you lay him down he starts burping, etc. and wakes himself up. Then he wants to be at the breast again. I'm having success by holding him and trying to burp him for about 20 min after he eats before setting him down. And, I'm putting him in his baby chair to sleep so he is upright (Fisher Price Infant-to-Toddler rocker, with the kickstand up, seat belt on). My ped said that was fine. Since I'm holding him after he eats (he is falling asleep at the breast), it does make the total "up" time for me at least an hour in the middle of the night, which is tough, but if I try to put him down too soon, it takes longer.

I, too, don't feel comfortable co-sleeping at this point. My first DS slept in the SnuggleNest next to me in bed, but this DS doesn't sleep well in that flat position at this point. I'm just too exhausted, he's too small and my older DS may come into bed for me to want to cosleep right now. We do cosleep for afternoon nap when it's just the two of us and I don't use covers. Sleeping in the chair has really helped us, but he still wakes himself up with burping, etc., if I put him down too soon.

Good luck! I'm exhausted, too.

[smilewithme]

MrsSpencer - Believe me, I know it is so difficult to nap during the day, but do whatever you can to get baby and you down at the same time. As someone else said, it is extremely important for mommy to get sleep so you can properly take care of DS. Things tend to be so much more overwhelming when you don't have any sleep behind you!

[jennylou]

yes I swaddle him, don't have a swing yet he hates the carseat lol! My mom doesn't understand why I worry..she said she never did and SIDS doesn't run in our family..she doesn't understand it's not totally genetic..I just wish him sleeping didn't scare me so much. My mom is coming over in a few hours to help me with my house, but can't stay long enough for me to get a nap DH has to mow when he gets home so hopefully I can at least get to bed an hour early??



SIDS doesn't run in our families either. I suppose my DS didn't get that memo. :(

I suggest getting some sort of carrier that way you'll have some free hands to get stuff done around the house (and babies love to be help and snuggled). When you put your DS down for a nap, you need to nap too - particularly if you've had an extremely rough night. And um, your DH has to get up for work? What about weekends? DH always helped out extra on the weekends when DD was little, he knew I needed to get some sleep too. And in the evenings - try to do something to unwind by yourself. My favorite thing was showers.

It does get better - remember, this too shall pass.

[MrsSpencer]

My mom claims I'm obsessed with SIDS..I just want to do everything I can to prevent it if I can...sorry Jennylou for bringing it up :(

[cr8zyforaf]

My mom claims I'm obsessed with SIDS..I just want to do everything I can to prevent it if I can...sorry Jennylou for bringing it up

I would just stop telling your mom these things..it sounds as if she isn't being supportive...I am sure she is trying to make you feel better by telling you to not worry but it is a real concern. Also, you've been through a lot...you've had a miscarriage - IMO, once you've had something horrible like that happen it is normal to worry yourself sick over things.

Do what you feel comfortable doing - if that means holding him while he sleeps, hold him. I would surround myself with pillows, put DD in my arms and sleep sitting up while holding her. I promise you, this will pass - your baby is still so young - once he gets a bit older, you wont' be so scared all the time. And yes, sleep deprivation is horrible (DD NEVER SLEPT for almost 2 years) but it is such a small time frame in the grand scheme of things....try to realize that you won't be this worried forever.

[MrsSpencer]

thanks guys...I mean really. She did buy me a monitor that goes under his mattress and sounds an alarm if he stops moving/breathing. She asks me questions about what I'm doing and I answer her...we slept good last night 2-3 hours at a time! Because I said screw it and held him all night or had him beside me safe in between rolled up rec. blankets and my arm on him he only woke up twice! This morning me, the baby, and my dog took an 2 hour nap so I feel a lot better today...dh does help on weekends and is going to organize the bedroom (still moving in) so he can start sleeping with me again.

[jimmysgirl424]

My mom claims I'm obsessed with SIDS..I just want to do everything I can to prevent it if I can

There is NOTHING wrong with wanting to take the steps to prevent it. Lets face it, so much is out of our hands when it comes to keeping our kids safe and out of harms way. But SIDS is something that we can take steps to prevent, and whatever it takes to give you peace of mind is worth it. Stop worrying about your mom's opinions. The fact of the matter is that what worked for our mothers when they were caring for us as newborns is no longer the rule of thumb, especially when it comes to how a baby is put down to sleep. So many women from our parents generation have the opinion that what worked for them should work for us as well. Its simply not true, so you need to take everything she says to you with a grain of salt.

Sounds like your little one may have some reflux going as well. Make sure that you very specifically describe to your pediatrician what you are observing so that they don't chalk it up to colic. I swear, if I had a nickel for everytime my ped told me "don't worry, its normal", I'd be rich. :rolleyes: She had reflux and it took me almost a month to convince my pediatrician that it wasn't colic.

[LeslieR]

MrsSpencer, this may be far out there and you may not want to spend the $$, but what gave me huge peace of mind was the AngelCare monitor. I was a very paranoid first time mom and scared to death of SIDS myself. I was constantly checking DS when he was sleeping to make sure he was breathing. I had planned to keep him in our room in the co-sleeper until he was 3 months, but we were both just keeping each other awake. The final straw was one night when I woke him up by putting my hand on his chest to make sure he was breathing. Our sleeping situation just was not good for either one of us. He went in his crib the next night (with the monitor). It wasn't perfect because we did have a few false alarms, but it was a huge improvement and I finally started to get some sleep!

I agree w/ the pp that said things are much more overwhelming when you are sleep deprived. You really have to let everything else go for now and sleep when you feel like you should be working on other things. You will feel so much better mentally and physically once you start to get some rest!

[MrsSpencer]

I have a babysense monitor (like the angel care) but he doesn't like to sleep anywhere other than me!

[ahavnes]

MrsSpencer-Your posts sound just like mine when DD was brand new. I remember feeling so exhausted, but I just couldn't sleep b/c I was so worried about her. I also had the Angelcare, and it did give me some peace of mind, but Abbey didn't really like to sleep anywhere but on me either. As a result, we slept together on the couch for like the first 6 weeks of her life and we slept great!

It may not have been logical, but I felt safer when she was on me and she seemed to need the contact too. When she was about 2 months old, I moved her to the crib with the Angelcare and I was able to start sleeping through the night a bit better. It really does get better, I promise.

[TracyDP]

I didn't do this when DD was still very young and waking up randomly in the night, but once she was on a more or less regular schedule (midnight, 3am, 6am) for feedings I would sometimes take a "Sleep Only" pill (It's Tylenol PM without the Tylenol, just the sleep part). I would only take one, but it was just enough to help me get to sleep, and help me get BACK to sleep after feeding DD. That was my big challenge was getting back to sleep once I woke up and the sleeping pill really helped with that. I never worried about not waking up since DH always woke up when DD fussed and would nudge me if needed or sometimes he would just feed her for me which was even better :)

Even now I will take one about 3 times a week when I feel overly tense or have had a hard time getting DD down for the night. If I don't take one I just end up laying there listening for her to wake up and it can take hours for me to finally drift off. With the "blue pill" I usually drift off after just 15 or 20 minutes. I have taken actual sleeping pills before but they seriously make me feel hung over and groggy the next day. The Sleep Only ones never do, they completely wear off before morning if I only take one.

Oh, I also use earplugs at night since DH snores like crazy. I used them before the baby and wondered how I would handle it when I had a baby around to listen for. I found that I was SO tired in the beginning that for the first 2 or 3 months I didn't even need them, I would fall asleep immediately upon hitting the pillow. At about 3m I started using 1 earplug and the memory foam pillow I use kept the sound out of the other ear, but I could easily just lift my head and hear if DD was fussing instead of having to take out an earplug. Now at 8m with DD STTN most nights DH's snoring once again drives me nuts so I use both earplugs, but if DD wakes up DH will either get up with her or nudge me since I can't hear her. Honestly, it's kind of nice to not hear her since 9 out of 10 times DH will just get up and see if he can get her back to sleep. Usually he can, so it means I get to keep on sleeping :D.

I ALWAYS used earplugs if someone offered to watch DD as a newborn so I could get some sleep. Otherwise I would hear her crying or fussing and want to get up and take over. I couldn't BF so anyone could feed her which was kind of nice. I remember getting some of the best sleep of those early months that way. In silent oblivion while someone else I trusted took care of DD.

Sorry, you all didn't really need to know all that...but just wanted you to know that sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do to get some sleep even if it means earplugs and tylenol PM! ;)

[Suzlywoozly]

I could have totally written this post 8 months ago! I went throught the exact same thing and sometimes still experience the anxiety of loosing DS that it keeps me up at night. The sleep deprivation makes the anxiety a million times worse! I second what TracyDP suggested... I have had to start taking a tylenol PM at night. I only take one and that seems to take the edge off and help me sleep. Also, for your own sanity, can you have someone help you out at night? It is really important that you get a night with 4hours of uninterupted sleep. Is there anyway DH could do this on a weekend night when he doesn't have to go to work the next day?

I would definitely invest in a swing!! That was the best hundred bucks I have ever spent. It took DS at least 8 weeks before he didn't figet in his sleep. Around 4 weeks we found that he slept pretty good in the swing at night despite the fact he hated the swing at first. We moved it into our room and put it next to my side of the bed. Unfortunately, he is now almost 9 months and is still sleeping in the swing at night... I don't suggest letting your DS sleep in the swing for this long.

One of the best pieces of advice that someone gave me was that the first 3 or 4 months are about survival. I hated the fact that he was sleeping in the swing but it worked for us. I wish we would have transitioned him to the crib around 4 or 5 months but that was me purely being lazy and enjoying the fact he was SSTN.

Hey you know what else... the first month we used one of these...http://www.target.com/First-Years-Close-Secure-Sleeper/dp/B0010P0J9G/qid=1210832273/ref=br_1_5/602-0955778-0492618?ie=UTF8&node=273951011&frombrowse=1&pricerange=&index=tgt-mf-mv&field-browse=273951011&rank=pmrank&rh=&page=2.
We used that up until he moved to the swing. Maybe that would help ease the stress of trying to cosleep with him.

Hang in there! I promise it will get easier. :)