How close are you to extended family?

[PinkMartini]

So this subject came up this weekend between DH & I and I got to wondering, what the norm is when it comes to extended family...

Me: I grew up knowing/visiting aunts/uncles/cousins. I lived fairly close to most of them and we'd have dinners together, visit, ect. But as I reached adulthood I lost touch with them. The last time I saw an aunt or uncle of mine was right before my DS was born and that was because my grandma was down visiting. I haven't talked to most of my extended family in years (with the exception of grandparents - I've kept them in my life).

DH: He knew his extended family until he was in his teens. He grew up mormon and none of his extended family were/are and didn't agree with his parents' decision to join the church. I guess his parents got into many arguments with their brothers/sisters so they just stopped talking to them. He kept in contact with his grandparents until they passed but hasn't seen/spoken to any of his aunts/uncles/cousins in years.

We have 2 DC and I hope they keep both of my brothers and DH's siblings in their lives. We're both pretty close to our siblings so I have a feeling they will but who knows...

So what's your experience with extended family? Do you have huge family reunions every year and talk to family weekly? Or are you like us and haven't seen/spoken to them in years? And if you have kids, do you expect the same will be true for them?

[DallasLady]

I grew up very close to my extended family. The line between "nuclear" and "extended" family was pretty blurry. I saw my aunts, uncles, counsins, grandparents, etc. on a regular basis. Most of our family lived together in one way or another, and not just in "mom, dad & kids" households.

DH grew up the exact opposite. It was just his mom, dad and siblings. He never knew any of his father's family and only saw his mother's family rarely. Then they moved away when DH was a teen and basically never saw any extended family anymore.

So, now I live far away from my family and it's really hard. DH siblings get along and all live within 30 minutes of each other, but are not really close. We all get together on holidays, but that's about it. I once made the suggestion to have everyone over for Sunday dinner and DH looked at me like I was crazy. If it's not a holiday, they see no reason to get together. It makes me so sad that my kids won't grow up being close to their cousins and seeing their family a lot, the way I did. My cousins were like my best friends, whereas DH's neice and nephews barely know each other.

[karlatta]

I grew up very close to my mom's family. I saw at least one set of grandparents a week, my cousin was my best friend, etc. I never really had a relationship with my dad's family. As an adult, I still talk on the phone to my (maternal) grandmother at least once a week, talk to my cousin on the phone about once a month, and we all get together once a year. (We live all over Texas, so it's hard to do it any more often than that.) I have very little contact with my dad's family - now that I'm an adult and understand why contact was so limited when I was a child, I have made the conscious decision to no longer speak to most of them. I do talk to my cousins via the internet a couple of times a year, because I don't blame them for the actions of their parents, but our relationship is strained at best.

My DH didn't really get close to his family until he was in his teens. (Prior to that he lived in Thailand, and everyone else lived in the US, so geography prohibited a lot of closeness.) He got pretty close to his mom's family when they moved back to the states, but since he's become an adult and lives further away from everyone else, he's not as close. We probably see his family once a year, but DH doesn't really stay in contact via phone with anyone other than his mom.

[Daisy]

Me:
I grew up pretty close to cousins, aunts and uncles on both sides of my family. We were always doing things with extended family and various counsins were always staying with me for extended periods of time during the summer (I'm an only). My dad has 1 sister, but my mom is 1 of 12, so you can imagine that I have well over 70 cousins (we don't differentiate first, second, etc. cousins - family is family). Of course, now that I live in a different town from where I grew up, I don't see my family as much as I used to, but in one way or another, we're in contact, we keep up with each other and I do see some of them a few times a year (some less, not everyone lives in my hometown).

DH:
Grew up spending holidays with his small extended family and lost pretty much all contact with them when he was 12 (when his family moved across the world to the US). Now he has limited/irregular contact with them.

It'll suck for my future kids who won't have a lot of immediate aunts, uncles and cousins (DH has 2 sisters and we have 1 neice)...we'll have to make up for it with my big extended family.

[emmjay]

Me: I have 17 cousins on my mom's side, and we grew up near 2 of them. The others we would only see every year max, but we are pretty close nonetheless. We email and always have a great time at family events, but we are all over the country so we aren't super close.

DH: he grew up near his entire extended family until HS. He talks to his aunts and uncles all the time still, as well as most of his cousins. They all live within 50 miles of each other so it's easier.

Our kids: My sister has 2 kids and lives on the West Coast (we are East Coast) so we only see them a few times a year. I'm hoping as they get older we can make more trips. One of DH's brothers has 4 kids but that entire family is estranged from everyone else so we don't ever see them. His other brother has a baby girl and we'll try to see them a few times a year as well. I think it's cool to be close to your cousins!

[beachlvr]

My father had no living family when I was growing up, but I grew up spending time with my moms parents, my uncle, and my cousin. However, due to family issues, my cousin and I lost touch until just recently (gotta love myspace).

I see my family once a year because we live on opposite coasts. Same with dh and his family, opposite coats. But, we try to do one family vacation a year with each side where everyone gets together. My kids love hanging out with their cousins, and I hope that keeps up when they are adults.

[TX Sweetheart]

My dad's side of the family all lives in Fl ('cept my grandparents, when they were alive, lived right around the corner from us) so we only saw them on holidays and stuff.

My mom's brother and his wife and one son and family live about 20 minutes away from my mom's house (the house where I grew up) so we saw them quite frequently. His other son and family live in NC, so again we only saw them on holidays, or some vacations.

Now I live 1500 miles away from everybody, so I don't see them unless I go home to visit.

One of DH's aunts lives about 10 minutes away from us and we see her whenever we go to church and on holidays. Both of her sons moved to Hollywood so we see them on Thanksgiving. DH's other aunt and cousin and her family live in Houston so we see them at Christmas. And that's the way family was for him growing up too.

[ManteoChik]

We both grew up very close with our families.

I'm close with both my dad and mom's side of the family. I saw my dad's side of the family at least every month (they live 1.5 hrs away) all growing up. I see them less now, but only because its hard to get together. However, my cousin and I are only 3 months apart in age and are very close.

My mom's side of the family was very close growing up. We saw each other on all major holidays and also several times throughout the year (they lived b/w 1.5-2.5 hrs away). I was the youngest kid in the family so by the time I became a teenager most of my cousins were married and starting families. Because of that we don't get together as much anymore.

BF grew up extremely close with his family. They all pretty much live within a 10 min radius of each other and see each other often. They do have some family that is about 2 hrs away and they see them as much as possible but are still very close considering the distance.

[Kanga]

I grew up getting together with extended family only when obligated - graduations and weddings for my (huge) dad's side and graduations, tgiving, easter, and xmas for my mom's (small) side. When Dad's mom died the family stopped getting together for holidays (and that was before I was born). We'll of course go to weddings on my mom's side but i'm the only one of the cousins married so far.

Dh grew up closer to extended family though they've somewhat drifted as the cousins have gotten older.

Honestly, both my parents, siblings, etc and IL's drive me nuts with the exception of SIL so we do the same, seeing them for obligatory occasions - holidays, when invited down for dinner and when the drop by up here. It's likely we always won't live so close to them and while I'm sure they'll be DEVASTATED we have teh only grandkids), dh and I will be fine with it.

[daener]

DH grew up among his extended family, but has not maintained close contact with any of them as adults.

I grew up without any extended family on my dad's side. He was a foster child growing up and we never met his real father or his father's second family. My mom's family lives in a foreign country, and I knew my aunts, uncles and cousins well when we spent much of our summers with them until I was 12. After that, they have never come to visit us and I have no direct contact with any of them. Mom and I go visit every couple of years, but I've never fostered relationships outside those visits.

I've always envied those who grew up around lots of extended family, especially cousins. I really just have my mom, dad and brother.

[betsyboop]

I'm pretty close with my extended family. We see my dad's side (which is pretty big since he's the oldest of 6 kids) several times per year and we've just started organizing cousin get togethers with me, my sister, and all the cousins that are out of the house/in college (I'm by far the oldest). My mom's side isn't quite as close, but we still see them a few times per year.

DH's family, on the other hand, isn't close at all. We see some of his mom's side for Christmas each year, maybe Thanksgivng, but that's about it. We haven't seen anyone from his dad's side in years.

[Tracie]

I'm not particularly close to my extended family - I tend to see them only for holidays and occasions. I do wish I saw them more often, but there is a driving distance of about an hour and a half. And that's only on my mom's side, I have not seen any family on my dad's side since I was seven.

DH doesn't see his extended family much at all, which the exception of his maternal grandfather, but I think that is relatively recent. I think he would be closer to his mother's family but they all live far away.

[HeatherH]

I see and/or talk to (on the phone) my parents, siblings, niece, nephews, grandma, and my aunt regularly. That is because we all live within a 30 mile radius of each other. All of my other aunts, uncles and cousins live in other states or just not very close. I used to see all of them (I have a big family!) when I was growing up. Now that I am an adult, I have no relationships with any of my cousins. Some of them I would not recognize on the street. :( It's not that I want it that way, but I am really close to my immediate family, so that is what I focus on. It sure would be nice to have a huge family reunion someday. The last time we did was in 1992 at Disneyland for my grandparent's 50th wedding anniversary. Good times!

DH spent a lot of time with his cousins, aunts & uncles growing up. He has a much smaller family, though. He still keeps in contact with the cousin close to his age.

[Grenouille]

I have never been close with my extended family. One cousin lives across the country, the other lives nearby but I never see him. My kids only have 1 cousin and they have never met her. She lives far away (2 hr plane ride), and it is unlikely that they will have a close relationship as long as everyone lives so far away. I feel bad for my kids, but they will be fine. They have plenty of love in their lives and hopefully one day they will have more cousins who live closer to them.

[MichelleRenee]

I grew up with all of my extended family no more than a 45 minute car ride a day. I always wished we had that aunt in Florida to go visit or something but everyone stuck to NE Ohio. We saw them and talked to them all the time.

DH has a bit of family in Sicily but most of his family is close by as well. His parents had a messy divorce though and his childhood basically sucked because of it and he rarely saw his extended family.

[IrishEyes]

Both DH and I grew up very close to extended family.

Currently, we live close to DH's family and see them pretty often. My family has spread out a lot since I went to college (parents to Florida, 2 aunts with their families to North Carolina, 2 uncles and 1 aunt stayed in my hometown in NY, I moved to Maryland). I stay in touch with my family, but see them rarely.

[shaqangel]

I am very close to my extended family - though i never use the term extended family, its just family. when I talk about my nuclear family I just say my parents. My mum is one of 10 and so she has a pretty big family and of cos lots of cousins. I'm not very close to all of them and just keep in touch with one regularly but i'm up to date with the happenings of most of them. but we're closer to my dad's family. I only have 4 cousins (though one passed away recently which totally devestated us) and we're very tight. but I also grew up with my dad's cousins kids and they're just cousins too - we dont say first, second cousins etc. I'm very close to my aunt and we talk very often.

Dh's family is a different story....He say something about his cousins occassionally but i dont even think I know one name of any of them. So yea they arent close.

Since I'm living in a different country than my family - its really tough and I miss out on all our family gatherings and just fun times. It makes me really sad. This weekend all the mothers in our family are getting together at my parents house for a mothers day lunch to honour my grandma and i wish i was there to celebrate with them. oh well. maybe next year!

[Chimichanga]

Me: i'm very close to my extended family. Growing up we would visit most all of my uncles and aunts at least once a month. We'd see grandparents at least 2x month. We all lived in the same relative area, so it was easy. Now, we're a bit more scattered, so I'll see family at least once a year - more if there are parties/weddings.

DH: not close with his extended family at all. He saw 2 aunts growing up. He barely sees his grandparents (his grandma asked his grandpa if they knew a DH Ourlastname when she saw our engagement announcement in the paper! :eek: ) He hasn't seen most of his relatives in years; since he was in middle school. We do see a few family members regularly since I came into the picture.

[kdotp]

Both DH and I are fairly close to our extended family.

My dad's parents and two brothers lived in the same town I grew up. I would spend at least one or two nights after school at my grandparent's, and would be there almost every day during the summer. We would see uncles/aunts/cousins at least once a week. Likewise, we're also close to my dad's cousins and their children. We would see them once a year or so on vacations even though they were all spread out over the country. My dad's oldest sister recently moved back to my hometown so now all my dad's siblings are together.

My mom's brothers/sister and parents were more spread out, but we still saw them at least a few times a year. There are a few family reunions every year on both sides of my family. My parents get to them more than my sisters or I do.

DH also grew up knowing his extended family. Both DH's sets of grandparents lived near where he grew up, as did one of his uncles. Another aunt was only 30 minutes away. He was very close to his cousins on both sides of his family growing up.

I know both DH and I very much enjoyed having extended family nearby while growing up and would like to do the same for our children.

[steph111397]

Considering my physical distance from family, I guess you can say we are "close".

My mom is one of 6 kids - so there are 20 something cousins. I know all their names and ages and how many (if any) kids they each have and each of their names.lol. Everyone but me lives in the "south" (FL, NC & GA). Both of my parents were born and raised in FL. I was born in FL, but we moved to AK when I was 7 and then to OR when I was 14. Even though we lived so far away we always made the effort to visit at least once a year and certain Aunts, Uncles and Cousins would come to see us every so often (every 4 years or so). My parents returned to FL 6 years ago and I am an only child, so I am here "alone" besides my DH and DD. My dad is an only child as well and was never close to any of his extended family. I only have one grandparent left (my maternal grandma). We don't have family reunions really - it just happens when there is a wedding or a funeral...

I wouldn't say DH is close to really any of his "extended" family. We talk to his dad and brother (and SIL and nephews) pretty regularly and see them about once a year - they live 7 hours away. We talk to his sister and stepdad/uncle all the time and see them regularly (stepdad/uncle lives 1.5 hours away and sister lives 20 min away). His mom was one of 7 kids - so there are about 15 cousins. We couldn't tell you all of their names or ages or anything else. He has ONE cousin that we are are close with and see on a VERY regular basis - at least once a week. DH's family overall just is not close. I've been with him for 12 years now and have yet to meet one of his aunt's (his dad's sister) who lives 20 minutes from his dad.

I am greatful that DD is able to "grow up" with a few of her cousins and I can see them remaining close through adulthood.

[SweetRed]

I am very close with my extended family. We just introduced DS to his second and third cousins this weekend. My mom's parents and all of my grandmother's siblings lived within four city blocks of each other, so my mom grew up with her cousins as her friends and playmates. That closeness is trickling down through the generations.

[boilermaker]

I'm pretty close with the extended family on my Dad's side. Most of his family is in the same general vicinity and we grew up about an hour from them. So we saw grandparents at least once a month and most of my aunts, uncles, cousins, great aunts, second cousins, etc, 5-6 times a year. It was not uncommon for holidays to be upwards of 100 people. Now we only do 4th of July, Christmas, wedding and funerals with that big of group. I currently live a 6 hour drive from my family, so the amount I see them now is obviously reduced. But it is still frequent enough that my DD knows my family (incl my grandma, aunts, cousins, etc).

My mother's side of the family has always lived across the country. I see those grandparents once a year and 2 of my aunts every few years. The rest of the family I don't know at all. I wouldn't recognize them on the street and would be hard pressed to give names of cousins (and I'm sure some of my cousins are married with kids but I have no idea who).

My DH grew up regularly visiting with his grandparents, but not family beyond that. And he doesn't keep in touch with any of them even though we llive about an hour away. I once asked him about how involved we should be in his sister's kids lives and she in our DD's life and he just shrugged and said it wasn't a big deal to him or his sister. I don't worry about it since my DD has my family and it's a lot less effort to do things with my sisters (even though they are 6 hrs away).

[kalogrias]

I am close to my parents and I was close to my grandmothers. My Dad is close to his sisters, but he never really made it a point to make sure that the kids were close -- plus, some of my cousins are real putzes. We live across the world from my parents, but I talk to my mom several times/week and my Dad at least once/week. One brother and I get along really well, but as he lives in a different country (also out of the US), it's been hard to keep up as much as we would like...I guess we are close, though. We talk a lot. Our other brother...he's a lost cause. No one speaks to him much.

Dh's family...except for his sister, who rocks, the only time he talks to his parents is when I tell him to. He has no extended family.

[Ellyn]

We are both pretty close to our extended family. DH grew up spending most weekends with his mom's sister and her family. He also saw his grandparents on both sides quite frequently. I have a much larger extended family and we saw them on holidays, but saw my grandparents on both sides I'd say about 10 times a year. It has actually been hard, because DHs family has the expectation that we should all be together all the time and my family keeps more to ourselves and likes the immediate family time on weekends. We see DH's aunt (that he grew up around) and her family, DH's cousins and their kids quite frequently. Because DH and I only have 1 sister each, they are kind of like our extended family...mostly because DH's sister is 6 hours away and we live in WI and my sister lives in NH. We rarely see my aunts and uncles anymore but always make a point to send cards on holidays and make sure we visit the grandparents as often as we can. (They're a few hours away).

[tinkerbelljenny]

I pretty much don't know any of my extended family with the exception of my father's siblings who I have met only a couple of times but I have no idea who my cousins are, they all live back east and if I ever ran into one I would have no clue that we were related. I know I have tons of cousins especially since one of my Aunt's had 9 kids but I have no idea who they are. My parents moved our family from upstate NY to CA before I was born and when they moved no relatives ever came to visit us except with a few visits by my grandparents so I grew up not knowing any of them.

Dh is pretty much the same, he has no contact with his extended family.

Right now we live so far from any family that we never see them so our kids will grow up the same way I did by not knowing any of their extended family except their grandmas.

[villanelle75]

Not particularly close. As an Air Force family, we never lived near extended family when I was a kid, and now, my only extended family (3 cousins, and my dad's brother, sister, and their spouses) live on the opposite coast. I haven't seen one cousin since I was about 10 yo. I see the aunt and uncle and one cousin maybe one a year because they live in a great place to visit.

DH's family is less close than mine. His dad it out of the picture and his mom's family is in the Midwest. They never come out and he never goes there. One uncle came to our wedding and I've never even met the other 2. I met one of his cousins 1 time. Of course, DH isn't even all that close to his immediate family.

[Kimberland30]

Me: I haven't lived close to extended family (aunts, uncles, cousins) in years. I was 10 when we moved away from my parents families - to the other side of the country. The last time I saw any extended family was when my grandfather died and I was in CA for a week. My mom's side of the family lives in Hawaii (where she was born and raised) and I haven't been there in 16 years. Many of my older aunts and uncles on her side have passed. Even my parents now live in another state, but I see them fairly often. My brother lives about 45 minutes away but since he golfs with DH, I get to see him at least 2x a month.

DH: He grew up close to his family (mom and stepdad), which are all in upstate NY. We regularily visit them and see everyone about 3-4 times a year. He talks to his mom weekly. His dad lives in Michigan with his step mom and we see them at least once a year. They also talk weekly.