Wwyd?

[hub1176]

I need some outside opinions on this.
A friend of mine has a home daycare and provides care for an 8 yo boy. The boy has a lot of issues, mainly that he is very immature, acts more like he's 2 and he still talks "baby talk" My provider friend knows the other kids in her care do get tired and annoyed with his behavior (as does she!) and she does her best to redirect them from teasing him/picking on him - which isn't easy as he brings a lot of it on himself (knocking other kids blocks over, grabbing things from them etc.) Anyway it finally came to a head the other day and my provider friend decided to talk to mom (again) about it. Mom comes in with her youngest child (around 2) and says she has a minute but asks if she can nurse while they talk. Provider friend said sure, and thinks mom is going to nurse toddler. Mom sits down and 8 yo boy walks over, lifts up her blouse and starts taking from the tap :eek:.....meanwhile my friend is trying to come up with a tactful way to say your 8 yo acts like a baby and it's making life very difficult for him....:eek:
Add to that the other kids are there and are wondering what the heck Mikey's doing.....:eek::o
Now my friend is all about nursing, and many of her other clients have come and nursed on their breaks but it’s usually a baby/toddler. She's kind of shocked and having a really hard time coming up with explanations for the kids - heck she's having a hard time period. She is thinking of letting the family go.

[amwilson615]

Wow, just wow.

[Chimichanga]

Sounds like your friend is in a difficult situation.

I'd recommend just keeping the BF out of the conversation. I mean, up until that point she was unaware of it and the kid has been acting immature for some time. I think I'd make sure that was the point of the conversation.

[yby1]

I think that your friend needs to have a closed door discussion with the family.

I don't think the nursing is an issue. If she's been taking care of this boy for a while and this is the first time she's seen that happen, then it just doesn't happen very often. Next time the opportunity for the mother to nurse her boy happens again, she can suggest they go to a more private area (in a extremely tactful way of course ;))

I think that if she decides to let the family go, it should be because of the boy's behavior, not because she's weirded out at the nursing - though it would weird me out too!

[hub1176]

She's not going to bring up the b/f'ing to the mom, she's having a difficult time with the other kids.
I think she's been thinking about letting them go for some time, but they've been with her for years so she felt bad.
My friend has a masters degree in Education and has been doing daycare for over 15 years, so she thought she saw everything!:D

[udsweetpea]

How does she still have milk?!?! That's impressive!

[Ellyn]

Wow, just wow.
My thoughts exactly.

I am pro BF (and have exclusively BF both of my children) but I think this is to the point of hurting the socialization of the 8yo.

The provider cannot (obviously) tell her to stop BF. I think she should call the parent(s) into a scheduled meeting and discuss the immaturity issues (and other issues - not BF) with the mother (and father?). The provider should tell the parents things she will be expecting of their son while in her care - absolutely NO baby talk, no tolerance for bullying, etc. What they do at home is out of her control. He's 8...he should be able to separate between home and day care rules. If things don't get better, she needs to have the family find someone else to watch him - giving them adequate time to find someone. I teach, and I know I cannot sacrifice the well being and learning environment of my other students for one kid. If a kids is being disruptive and giving others a hard time - making it hard for others to learn, I talk to him/her, talk to the parents, etc. Sometimes the kid gets removed from the situation (ie sent out into the hall or to the office).

I guess I have a few questions - is this an after school thing (he's 8yo - he's IN school during the week days, right?) Does the boy have other problems (diagnosed problems - like ADHD or is he disabled in any way)? If so, I'd assume the provider knew this when she took him on?

[Ellyn]

How does she still have milk?!?! That's impressive!

That is impressive! :D

[hub1176]

How does she still have milk?!?! That's impressive

She has a 2 yo also, I imagine the milk was for him:)


I guess I have a few questions - is this an after school thing (he's 8yo - he's IN school during the week days, right?) Does the boy have other problems (diagnosed problems - like ADHD or is he disabled in any way)? If so, I'd assume the provider knew this when she took him on?

He is in school, and my provider friend has said many a times she shudders to think of what happens to him there...But as far as we are aware there are no delays:confused:

[Ellyn]

More questions for you... :)
How many other kids does she have there?
How long/often is he at her home?
Does she have set/posted rules for the children? Maybe she should review her rules (and consequences) with all of the kids at the same time. Sometimes I refresh my students on the rules (esp. this time of year!)

She has a 2 yo also, I imagine the milk was for him

I figured that, but geez, my milk supply can hardly keep up with 1 kid! ;)

ETA: I know it sounds like I may be blaming the provider - I'm totally not, but sometimes you need to cover all of your own bases before you can take on situations like this...that way you can say you did everything you could and didn't just give up on him.

[Chimichanga]

She's not going to bring up the b/f'ing to the mom, she's having a difficult time with the other kids.


Ahh - I see. The way you mentioned the BFing, sounded like your friend wanted to mention that if/when she met with the mom. :)

[hub1176]

How many other kids does she have there?
How long/often is he at her home?
Does she have set/posted rules for the children? Maybe she should review her rules (and consequences) with all of the kids at the same time. Sometimes I refresh my students on the rules (esp. this time of year!)

Depends on the time of day, although after school is her crowded time. She does have a pt assistant when needed. She also a preschool teacher so she tends to review her rules daily;) This boy is actually part time afternoons/school holidays, so I don't think his total time at her home is more than 15 hours.
I believe she told mom that as of June(end of school) she will no longer be able to provide care. She's had this family for years.