tired toddler/discipline

[Allegra]

I was out this afternoon with my 3 year old (December birthday). We had done Kindermusick, then mcdonalds playland and ended up at lowes with a friend of mine and her 3 year old as we both needed to get some things. My DD was a real pill, acting up, whiny etc. I held her and rocked her and tried to get her to snooze on me but there was just too much going on in the store for her to settle. She finally started wailing and carrying on and I knew I had pushed it too far.

I paid for what I had picked out and left. My friend thinks I should have spanked her for acting out, "even though she's tired". I don't have a problem with spanking (ie a couple of swats on the butt) if the situation really calls for it but frankly I dont think this one did - I can't see how it would have been an effective reaction to an overtired kid letting loose. I KNOW I was in the wrong for keeping her there as long as I did - Wednesday's are my day off and I just usually have a lot to get done in a limited amount of time.

I don't want to raise a spoiled brat on the other hand. What would you have done? Other than leave earlier, what do you think "I" should have done?

:(:confused:

[Sevilla]

I would have left, put her to bed at home to sleep, and probably after she woke up (and was calm, in a better mood) talked about how to behave in a store or how to act when tired (but like you said - I would consider the incident mostly my fault b/c I pushed her beyond what I knew she was capable of). In the heat of the moment I don't think much true 'discipline' (i.e., teaching) happens - emotions are too frayed, kids are frazzled - at that point it's about damage control. But when the child is calm that is when real teaching and explanation that can make sense and help change things for the future can occur.

[Dally]

I think you did the right thing.

I figure when I keep my daughter out too long or somehow overdo it with her, it's more my fault than her fault, so I don't punish her for acting out other than something serious, like hitting. I think removing her from the situation is the best response.

[mamax2]

ITA w/the PPs. It's one of those make your bed and lie in it situations. If you pushed her past her limits, you can kind of expect a situation like that. I agree that certain behaviors are intolerable - like hitting, throwing things, running away/hiding in a store. General whininess, crying, complaining, etc. is just par for the course in a tired kid.

Unlike Sevilla, I probably wouldn't even bother to address it with your DD later either. I think once she's rested it would be very difficult for a 3 y.o. to really reflect on that past behavior unless there was something very concrete that went wrong (she ran into the street, threw a can of paint, etc.)

I would learn my lesson about what's reasonable to accomplish and set expectations BEFORE going into the store. I'd also be more likely to offer an incentive for good behavior rather than a punishment (esp. spanking) in a case like this.

[Kanga]

I agree with everybody else - you're daughter was pushed past her limits and that wasn't her fault, it was yours. We all get crabby when we're over tired and exhausted and do/say things we normally wouldn't.

Frankly, I'd tell my friend to MYOB unless you specifically asked for advice. Giving discipline advice when not asked is pretty much the same as all the unwanted pg/newborn advice of rice cereals in bottles, etc.

[AmyE]

I think at that age she should be asked to behave better, but spanking would have been wrong. I think even a few swats - if they ever happen - should be reserved for things that are dangerous or cause significant damage/harm. (Hitting, biting, deliberatly hurting a sibling, etc. - but hitting with a toy that could cause injury, or biting so much blood is drawn.....) Whining and crying and such, IMHO, no matter what the cause, would never rise to the "swat" level. And in this case, I think you did absolutely the right thing.

I can't tell you how often DH and I stare at each other and mouth "parental error."

You'd think with 3 kids we would have learned a few more lessons by now!!!!

[catmom]

I agree with the others- I would have chalked it up to experience and realized I had made a mistake. I've been in situations like that, where DD melted down because I decided to run an errand too late in the afternoon or too close to a mealtime. I try to consider it a learning experience ;).

[emschwar]

I agree that certain behaviors are intolerable - like hitting, throwing things, running away/hiding in a store. General whininess, crying, complaining, etc. is just par for the course in a tired kid.
Yup. Bad behavior is inexcusable, even if you're tired, and warrants discipline, but whining, etc from a tired kid you just have to write off.

[Allegra]

no hitting, no throwing, no running away (she came every time I called her but wouldnt stand within touching distance)

whining, crying, pouting, sassing, generally being a PITA.

and, by comparison, look at her here:
http://www.allegrasblog.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/04/20080423b.jpg

[Dally]

What a sweet picture!

[1_mommy]

really can't blame her, poor girl was tired. We all get grouchy and act out in our own way when we are overly tired.

[karlatta]

ITA w/the PPs. It's one of those make your bed and lie in it situations. If you pushed her past her limits, you can kind of expect a situation like that. I agree that certain behaviors are intolerable - like hitting, throwing things, running away/hiding in a store. General whininess, crying, complaining, etc. is just par for the course in a tired kid.

Unlike Sevilla, I probably wouldn't even bother to address it with your DD later either. I think once she's rested it would be very difficult for a 3 y.o. to really reflect on that past behavior unless there was something very concrete that went wrong (she ran into the street, threw a can of paint, etc.)

I would learn my lesson about what's reasonable to accomplish and set expectations BEFORE going into the store. I'd also be more likely to offer an incentive for good behavior rather than a punishment (esp. spanking) in a case like this.
ITA with this. I have a very tired 2 year old (due to medical issues), and I've had to learn his limits and adjust what I do accordingly.

[daphne]

Hijack - Whoa! Stunning picture! We were announcement buddies from the Dec 04 thread way back & I can't believe how Allegra has grown - she's beautiful!!

[hub1176]

Chiming in late to say I totally agree with Kanga. I hate seeing children punished for their parents mistakes.
And spanking a tired child? You're just asking for something worse that what you've already got :eek:

[isign]

I hate when people spank kids who are tired, or just ill. IMO, spanking is reserved for controllable actions. At 3, being so tired and acting out is not controllable. I think you did the best job you could, and would have done the same thing. Good Job Mom!