Bedtime Issues

[Brady]

Ugh. We've been dealing with bedtime issues since my son was about 2.5 and started climbing out of the crib, it's all been downhill since then.

When he first moved to his big boy bed, he wouldn't stay in it.. it was a huge game to him to climb out of it and come out of his room. We tried the chair by the door bit and putting him back in without speaking to him, we tried the supernanny technique (which would literally go on for hours before he passed out), we tried sleeping on his floor, etc. Ultimately, we bought a gate and that became the only thing that "worked", as he'd eventually give up his charades and go to bed since he couldn't get out. Well, now he's 3 and figured out how to OPEN the gate. Not even climbing over it, but he's been watching us open and close it and just figured out how to open it himself. Let's just say bedtime has been a nightmare again. He now comes out of his room and will run away from me.. today he opened the front door and was on his way OUTSIDE before I caught him (I have a 2 month old that I am usually attempting to nurse and put to bed during this, my DH works nights). I know my son is sort of feeding off of that too.. he knows Mommy is busy, so he's of course going to do whatever he can while I'm otherwise engaged, so to speak! :o

He has a nightlight in his room, he has a radio... I had to take all the toys out. I'm just at a loss for what else to do here to get him to stay in his room and go to sleep! He hasn't been napping in a week or so either, so I know he's tired (he wakes up by 6:30am). Napping is not even an option as he pulls this same routine during the day.

Any ideas/advice/suggestions? I am just at a loss of what else to even try at this point... being on my own with two kids, it's too hard to even think of how I could physically pull of some sort of "training" type method. I so long for a night where I just tuck him in, give him a kiss and he actually rolls over and goes to sleep! Or, at least stays in their bed while falling asleep! Does that type of child really exist??? :)

[Kanga]

Dd1 is 2.5 and is not at the point where she can fall asleep on her own yet, but it doesn't sound like that's his problem. He's fine once he settles down, it's just getting settled down that takes time and not #1 on his priority list? Could you sit outside his bedroom door (while nursing if need be) to keep him from exiting his room in the first place? I don't think dd would try to push past me, hopefully your ds wouldn't either, but I don't know his temperament. Maybe once he realizes you'll stop the game before he has a chance to start it, it'll take all the fun out of it?

[magdesilver]

Brady,
How about getting a new gate (that he can't open) or getting a doorknob lock on his door so he can't get out. I would probably go with the new gate idea first, though.
If you want a gate that is very hard to open and also climb, the lascal kiddyguard is pretty difficult. I don't know many adults that can do it much less a child- I don't think they would have the coordination needed to open and close it.
It's about $100, but well worth it for some peace and quiet if it helps!

Do you still have use of a crib for him? Maybe put him back in his crib with a crib tent II for the time being? I remember how hard it was to have a newborn and a toddler, add in a toddler who doesn't sleep and I don't know if I would have made it (and my DH is military and was gone a ton when DS was a newborn so I know how it is when you just need a minute to yourself!!).

[mkvh]

If the gate worked before he could open it, I 2nd magdesilver's suggestion. We too use a gate in the doorway, though DD now stays in her bed till she goes to sleep. One thing that I struggled with was thinking I could get her to go to sleep *right now*. She's strong willed, and that just wasn't her style. Instead, I tell her, "You can read books in your bed until you are ready to sleep." I think it gives her some sense of control, and now she happily hangs out in her bed till she's ready to sleep. We too have de-toyed the room so it's more sleep conducive. Of course, we went through a really rough time with going to bed after #2 came along. It does get better!

Another option for you might be a Dutch door where you can close only the bottom.

[deelcie]

This may seem kind of extreme but after being at my wit's end w/ DS (now 3.75), the only thing that really worked for us was locking his door from the outside (this was after he took off out the front door at around 2 am a couple times). Luckily, it only took a few nights of scooping him up, sleeping, off the rug and pouring him back into bed. We still run into the problem of him sneaking out of his room every now and then but the threat of locking his door is enough to get him to stop now. Believe it or not, now he usually does get into bed by himself, kiss me good night and STAYs there until morning. :)

[Littlelamb11]

If the gate worked before he could open it, I 2nd magdesilver's suggestion. We too use a gate in the doorway, though DD now stays in her bed till she goes to sleep. One thing that I struggled with was thinking I could get her to go to sleep *right now*. She's strong willed, and that just wasn't her style. Instead, I tell her, "You can read books in your bed until you are ready to sleep." I think it gives her some sense of control, and now she happily hangs out in her bed till she's ready to sleep.


ITA with getting a better gate and allowing the freedom of independent reading (and/or playing) and allowing him to put himself to sleep when he's ready.

I have been doing this with both of my kids since the very beginning. I don't believe in forcing the kids into their rooms and forcing them to sleep. You can't force someone to sleep. A lot of children, like adults, need some down time to get sleepy and IMO, it's important life skill for the children to learn their own sleepy cues early so they are able to put themselves to sleep. I have yet to have sleeping issues with either of my kids. They have always gone down easily and at a reasonable time. It's 7:15-7:30 in out house every night, ( I wake them at 6:30 as DD has Kindergarten.) My 2yo plays until around 7:45 most nights, although some, he goes right to sleep and if my daughter chooses to stay up a little, she either reads or plays her leapster until around 8pm or just before.

[dana b]

i agree with littlelamb, too. we went through a phase at one point when dd would get up and stand at the gate and cry and we would repeatedly go put her back in her bed. eventually we just left her and it was then that she got into looking at her books by herself or listening to music and falling asleep when she was ready. now at almost 4, she's in super independent mode and decides when to go to bed and walks upstairs all by herself, usually at 7:30.

[Peever]

We had to switch DS's doorknob around so we could lock him in from the outside. We had a terrible time transitioning him to a big boy bed when he was 2 and have had troubles on and off since then. He's 4 now. I don't make him go to bed and often let him talk/read/sing until he falls asleep, but he has to stay in his room. That's the only rule. I'm on my own for bedtime a lot as well and he would come out of his room and wake DD up as I was trying to get her to sleep and I was ready to go insane so I had to contain him somehow. Of course he figured out how to use a penny from his piggy bank to open the lock from the inside so I had to put those up as well. He's a crafty kid. I have to lock him in about half the time now. I always unlock it before I go to bed so he can go potty if he needs to, but now he's been waking up at 4am and going potty and getting dressed and I've found him asleep on the loveseat in the living room.

[ktdelsur]

Wow, Peever, that *is* a crafty child you've got there!!!

We use the doorknob cover on the inside of his doorknob so he can't get out. We're struggling right now w/ DH thinking he needs to understand he has to stay in his room without the cover being on there. Lately we use it at bedtime and take it off after he falls asleep - when he wakes up in the morning he comes into our room. We're just kind of in that "whatever works" mode.

And, y'all who have problems with kids running out your front door - please please get one of those doorknob covers for your front door and we've never had a problem. We need to buy one for the door that leads to our garage now that he's getting tall enough to reach the bottom of the deadbolt switch and jiggle it around to where it should be.