I don't know why this is bothering me so much

[ysolde]

I posted this in the "Dear Co-Irker" thread, hence the format:

Dear officemate:

I don't know what has gotten into you! First, you complained about my perfume, saying you don't like any perfume, worn by anyone, ever. So, I quit wearing perfume to the office. This has depressed me somewhat, because I am a lady who wears perfume. Always have been. However, I choose to respect your needs/desires.

Today, I am having lunch at my desk, and talking (quietly) on the phone to my DH, about something completely inoccuous. You yelled that we should have this conversation via e-mail. I told DH that I had to hang up, sent all of my outside calls directly to voice mail (so as no longer to disturb you with ANY calls of mine, except those from partners, which cannot, I am sorry to inform you, be avoided), and went back to work. The only phone call I have made since then (and I am sorry if it disturbed you) was to the reference attorney line at an on-line research service.

Perhaps you got used to having an office of your own because I was working off-site for so long. Perhaps you resent me because I am doing "real" work and you are doing glorified clerical work. Well, my dear, let me remind you of a few things:

I was working here before you were even temping here;
I was an attorney long before you were;
I have many more years in the field than you do;
I like my job, whereas you are biding your time until you can leave the law altogether;
I have spent way too much time hearing completely office inappropriate telephone conversations between you and your friends, for which you invariably apologize and I always say, "As long as the door is shut, and no one else can hear, who am I to judge?" Who are YOU, therefore, to complain about ONE conversation about PERSONALITY TYPES between my DH and me, you overbearing ass????
This is NOT your office, this is OUR office, and you do NOT have the right to impose your rules on me.

The next time you are having a bad day, take the day off, or go to the gym, or spend the day working from the library. Do not ever again take your frustrations out on me, sir.

You know what? I am still hurt. And annoyed. This guy was out of line, and I have no idea what I should have done, should do, if anything. Assume he was having a bad day and let it go? Confront him? WHAT????

[villanelle75]

I'd probably assume he was having a bad day and try to let it go, but if he complained again about a personal cal, I'd gently remind him that he to does this, far mroe frequently than you, in fact and that youare sorry he has an issue with it, but that personal calls at work are occasionally unavoidable, as he is no doubt certian because he often "needs" to make them as well.

I'd say it in a calm tone, but let him know that you are not interested inc hanging your behavior on this because you don't feel youa re doing anything wrong.

Sorry he was such an ass to you though.

[lawyergirl25]

To be honest, I probably would have said something as soon as I got off the phone with DH. Nothing too snarky, just something along the lines of, "We need to come up with a set of ground rules for our office so we both know what's cool and what's not." If he gave me crap about the phone conversation in the course of the discussion, I probably would bring up his distracting phone use. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I think it was really nice of you to stop wearing perfume - it would have been hard for me too. I would just be careful about this guy stepping all over you, because that's what it sounds like he wants to do.

If you do want to say something to him, you could always say, "When you said my phone call disturbed you the other day, it got me thinking about how we can set some loose ground rules so that we avoid distracting each other. Could we discuss that?" My own strategy would probably be to let it go, be nice and polite, but go about my business without worrying too much about his sensitivities. If he has a problem with something, I'm sure he'll speak up, and that would be your "in" to having a later discussion.

I don't know if that helped, but good luck with your co-worker. I think sharing an office is incredibly exasperating and you've handled it well so far!