Cry Room?

[cocopops]

I have a tendency of freaking out over silly stuff when it comes to my child (i.e. "Ride a **** to banbury cross" thread :o )

So let me just get a few opinions from you other ladies before I really freak out over this! How would you feel if you found out your daycare provider was putting your child in a "cry room" no not because he/she was acting bad. Simply because she was upset that mommy left???

My daughter who is 3 was absolutely terrified daily to attend pre-school. I thought it was normal separation anxiety, new school jitters, etc. I would stay with her, explain that I was coming back, etc. :confused:

After asking my daughter how school went I found out that her teacher would put her in the "cry room" when mommy would leave. That was very upsetting because prior to enrolling her I met with the director and explained that my child would need a little extra comforting because she had never been in a daycare type of environment and might have a little trouble adjusting to the new environment.

So I need some advice on this. What are your opinions?

[Jen1098]

Uh I would be so mad and would be in the directors office first thing Monday morning.
I don't see how putting a child in a "cry room" is going to make them any comfortable in a new school setting. My son freaked out when he first started school this past Sept. The teachers would hold him until he calmed down and re-direct him to an activity.
We moved in January and same thing. He'd get upset and the teacher would hold him and see what activity he wanted to do.

I wonder what the cry room really is?

If it were me I'd go to school on Monday with my child. In front of the teacher I'd ask my child "okay now show Mommy where you go when you cry" Petty I know and not very mature but I'd be so tempted.

Oh and you aren't freaking out over something little. I think most parents would freak finding out their child was stuck in a cry room at school.

[Kanga]

If it were me I'd go to school on Monday with my child. In front of the teacher I'd ask my child "okay now show Mommy where you go when you cry" Petty I know and not very mature but I'd be so tempted.

Same here!

I'm in the same situation you are in that preschool will be my kids' first time in a setting like that since they don't attend daycare. I would be l.i.v.i.d. as that is CIO and just NOT something that we do at home. I can see if they were using it as a time-out spot where kids had a chance to cool down if they got too worked up over something, but never because they were upset about Mommy leaving.

You're definitely not overreacting on this one.

[mamax2]

A Cry Room at a daycare center/nursery school is outrageous! Basically, they are punishing a child who is having difficulty with transitions. Daycare/school is FULL of transitions, so I'm wondering how much time kids are spending in this room??? And how many kids are in there at a time? Is it supervised? The concept totally baffles me and I would NOT be comfortable with it at all - under any circumstances. You are not overreacting at all - not even a little bit.

[Tray85]

I'd be really upset. Imagine how scary that is for her - to be upset and deliberately left alone. I would ask for this to stop.

[lady1297]

I find that totally unprofessional. Children should not be in a 'cry room' if they are upset. If she is that upset, they should be talking to you about how to make her more comfortable. I'd be complaining.

[twainny]

I'm a really laid back person when it comes to stuff like this, but this totally PISSES me off!!! I totally agree with others...

If it were me I'd go to school on Monday with my child. In front of the teacher I'd ask my child "okay now show Mommy where you go when you cry" Petty I know and not very mature but I'd be so tempted.


yeah, something like that! What is the "cry room"? They can't have a whole big room? Is it just a section of the classroom?

Isn't it their JOB to comfort the child? I hope you get the answers you are looking for when you are there next. Good luck!!!

[cocopops]

Oh yes my daughter has since been pulled out of this daycare. After she told told me about the cry room roughly two weeks ago I pulled her out. The whole thing just did not sit right with me. I am glad I am not the only one against the whole cry room idea!

[cr8zyforaf]

I would be furious.....and I would make sure that they knew it....I would also find a way to let other parents know. If I had a child at a daycare like that (esp before my DD could communicate) and something like that was happening..I would want to know.

I am so sorry...that just sounds horrible.

[Standrea]

I'd be really pissed off. It's not teaching the child anything by throwing them in a room. Have they not noticed this, seeing as it sounds like they are putting her in there everytime you drop her off?

My butt would be in that school first thing monday morning and giving them a piece of my mind.

[solongtogo]

Like everyone else, I'd be so angry that I'd spit fire. You had better believe that they'd be changing their ways or I'd find a different place. A cry room is utterly infuriating and rediculous.

[sophonisba9]

I'd report them to the state. The idea of a cry room is so wrong. Even for dealing with an aggressive violent child, the idea of a separate punishment room is wrong. The thought of putting a sad child dealing with separation anxiety in an isolation room is horrifying. What kind of person reacts to a crying toddler by locking them away in a separate room. How could they not comfort her?

I picked the preschool my son will be attending in fall, in part because when we visited there was a girl who was upset and I was able to see how they reacted. The director told me this little girl cried every day when her mom left. The staff reacted by holding her, comforting her and redirecting until she was able to join the rest of the kids in an activity. The director herself often went in to help out in that room so that a teacher was free to see to this little girl and comfort her. It had been a month since she started attending and the school was just now starting to talk to the mom about pulling her daughter and trying again in a few months. I believe this school tried EVERYTHING to comfort this little girl and would do the same for my son.

[catmom]

Do you mean she was put in there all alone? If so, that's just awful. I've never even heard of doing something like that. Seems like it would be counter-productive, too, since it would make the kid even MORE upset about being dropped off.

One summer in college, I worked at a daycamp for preschool-aged kids. There were always a few who cried at drop-off- we would handle this by having one of the counselors take them away from the other kids (so the other kids wouldn't get upset) and talk to them, distract them, play a game with them, etc. But I'm thinking this is not what you are describing- that there isn't someone in the "cry room" trying to play with the kids?

Anyway, if I am correctly understanding what you are saying, I would report it to your state's daycare licsensing authority. That's just wrong.

[LeslieR]

So let me just get a few opinions from you other ladies before I really freak out over this!

Oh yes my daughter has since been pulled out of this daycare. After she told told me about the cry room roughly two weeks ago I pulled her out. The whole thing just did not sit right with me. I am glad I am not the only one against the whole cry room idea!

So, you pulled her out two weeks ago, but you're asking for opinions now "before you freak out"?:confused:

How did you handle it at the time? Did you get more information? Ask exactly what the "cry room" entails?

[Niobe]

Yeah, I worked in daycare, and I haven't ever heard of a "cry room" (my step-aunt's chain of centers doesn't have such a thing either). I don't think it's the norm.

I am really curious, and I would have definitely asked the facility, whether the "cry room" was a separate room or part of the classroom, and if separate, whether it was supervised or not. A separate, unsupervised room would not be appropriate, and possibly not be legal (it's been a few years since I read the laws regarding operations, and I'm sure they vary from state to state).

Something I have seen, and something I left my job over, was a daycare putting older children in the infant room when they acted up - saying things like "Babies cry. If you act like a baby, you'll go in the room with the babies." Could it have been a situation like that? I still don't think it's appropriate, but it's not quite "alone in a dark room".

[Asha]

that sounds like abuse!!!!

[Soulmate]

I know two separate families who tell their sons to go in the other room to cry and come back when they are done. The one time I witnessed they were upset over something very legitimate. This is a great way to teach your kids to repress their feelings and emotionally stunt them. Why do you think some husbands/wives shut down and stonewall when in an argument? At home is one thing but in an unfamiliar setting away from security is horrible. You have every reason to be upset. I'm glad you pulled her.

[hub1176]

I would talk with the DC before jumping to any conclusions - maybe your DD was so upset she was taken out of the room for her own benefit as well as the other children (who might get upset to see another child so upset)? I care for two almost 4 year olds, and I know their "reality" can be different from actual reality, ya know?
If in fact she was left alone in a room to cry - that could be considered a form of abuse (neglect) If in fact this were true I would be pissed and not only pull but make a report as well.

[KGif]

Well honestly upon first reading your post it made me sick to my stomach wondering how in the world anyone could do such a thing! And I'm still wondering. And if it's true I would without a DOUBT address it with the director of the center. Perhaps it is not a center policy but rather an unsanctioned action that this particular teacher has put into practice?

You say you pulled your little one out two weeks ago - did you do so without addressing the situation? I believe you owe it to both the director of the center (who may be unaware of the situation) AND the other parents (as it may be happening to their kids - wouldn't you want to know?) to take issue with this situation. I also completly agree with hub1176 here:
... maybe your DD was so upset she was taken out of the room for her own benefit as well as the other children (who might get upset to see another child so upset)? I care for two almost 4 year olds, and I know their "reality" can be different from actual reality, ya know?
My son is almost 3. I'm not saying I would not take something like this VERY seriously if he said it. I'm just saying that I would do so keeping in mind that he is 3 years old.

[Ohana]

That is just so wrong. I know you've already pulled your daughter, but I would write a letter to the Center director, and if it's a chain of centers, I'd write to corporate. Any teacher who punishes a child in that kind of situation should not be allowed near children.

At my kids' Center, they redirect/distract. During those times my DD's went through separation anxiety or got upset at drop off, the teacher would take them to to the window to go look at something outside or get them involved in picking out music for everyone to dance to, which I think is a much better way to handle it.

[Dally]

I'm glad you pulled your daughter out. What a terrible practice! Your poor daughter--she needed hugs and comfort, not to be left alone. Yes, that would really upset me. I would pull my daughter out, too, if the daycare did that.

Our daughter recently moved up to the preschool room and also had a difficult time transitioning (including nightmares). The time and understanding she has gotten at daycare has helped a lot. I can't imagine how she'd be if they had a "cry room."

[Dally]

Niobe said: Something I have seen, and something I left my job over, was a daycare putting older children in the infant room when they acted up - saying things like "Babies cry. If you act like a baby, you'll go in the room with the babies."

Wow, I can see why you left your job over that. What a horrible and stupid way to deal with a child's emotions! As if only babies cry, and other children should suck it up and repress their emotions? Nice.

[emschwar]

When I taught preschool, we had a quiet area of our classroom. If a child was upset about something, sometimes we would encourage them to go over to the quiet area, away from the other kids, to get themselves together. It totally depended on the situation and the child. But, if a child was having a hard time warming up in the morning (and we had one child - who had been at the center for a few months - who had a hard time with the transition to school every morning, frequently including tears), they might spend a few minutes over in the quiet area, until they were ready to join the rest of the class. Could it be something like that?

[hub1176]

It totally depended on the situation and the child. But, if a child was having a hard time warming up in the morning (and we had one child - who had been at the center for a few months - who had a hard time with the transition to school every morning, frequently including tears), they might spend a few minutes over in the quiet area, until they were ready to join the rest of the class. Could it be something like that?

I don't even think the OP got that far - from her posts I gather that her DD told her she was put in crying room and the OP pulled her....
Today my 4 year old Day care girl had some serious sharing issues, so when I went to get to her level and discuss, she threw herself on the ground and started screaming that I had hurt her.... :eek: :rolleyes: Thank G*D her mother has four kids and knows better.

[heather 8^)]

When I taught preschool, we had a quiet area of our classroom. If a child was upset about something, sometimes we would encourage them to go over to the quiet area, away from the other kids, to get themselves together. It totally depended on the situation and the child. But, if a child was having a hard time warming up in the morning (and we had one child - who had been at the center for a few months - who had a hard time with the transition to school every morning, frequently including tears), they might spend a few minutes over in the quiet area, until they were ready to join the rest of the class. Could it be something like that?
That's sorta what I was wondering, too. Some kids do better having a place away from the other kids and the hubbub to relax and get their bearings. A classroom can be too stimulating sometimes! Plus, I don't think the OP or her DD said that that the DD was placed there and left alone for a while... could it be a teacher was sitting there with her?

[pixiecat]

DD is the first one there when I drop her off in the morning, so if we have a "bad goodbye" (doesn't happen often at all), the teacher will hug her & distract her. I usually watch through a window, where DD can't see me.

Agree with others that you should get confirmation on what exactly the cry room is... my DD tells me that she cried at school b/c a little boy hit her. Actual story: She cried b/c she got in trouble when SHE hit the boy. (insert:roll eyes)

Once confirmed, I would definitely speak up to the center.

[dionysia]

Add me to another who wonders what was really going on and hopes you find some clarification.

At our center daycare, if L has a rough dropoff, the teacher will ask me to bring L into one of the empty classrooms and shortly thereafter (providing they have enough coverage in the dropoff room), will join me and stay with L until he calms down. The idea being that L is overwhelmed by all the other kids and they could react to his being upset by crying themselves. And no one wants a room full of upset toddlers!