Anyone else hate their wedding?

[Larissa]

I hate being engaged. I feel as though I’m having to compromise on everything wedding related and I pick on Kristen for little things that aren’t his fault. More than once I have asked to scrap the wedding and just go back to dating.

I try so hard not to buy into the whole “everything needs to be perfect, this is once in a lifetime” BS, but on some level I do feel that way (which I hate myself for).

We talked today about putting on a happy face and going along and how everything will be okay. But I hate spending all this money (which is nothing compared to the average budget, but a whole f-ing ton for us) to just put on a happy face.

This whole engagement process has been the worst thing to happen to us…and of course, we have a 1.5 year engagement (no one remind me that we are only halfway through, please) Maybe I expect too much.

Don’t get me wrong, I like us. I like our relationship. I just wish the wedding had never been brought into the picture.

[kalogrias]

Yes! Getting engaged was the worst thing that could have happened to our relationship. I hated it. Every single stinking moment of it. For lots of reasons, some of them legit, some of them not (though in our case, the legit WAY outnumbered the not-legit), 99% of them NOT related to money, 85% of them related to family. I wanted to elope. I tried to get DH to elope, but he wouldn't. So we had our wedding -- which was a lot of fun, BTW. A beautiful day. Was it worth it though? Not really. Do I wish we had just gone off and gotten married on our own? A resounding YES. Do I still have issues about it, seven months later? Yep. I do enjoy being married, though, more so than dating, so that part of it was worth it :D

HUgs. I know how you're feeling. Feel free to drop by my journal or PM me if you want to talk.

[evagatesgreen2]

I would be tempted to elope if I could do it over but DH would be disappointed so I would tweak it a bit here and there so I could at least have happy memories of the wedding. :(

[Natasha]

I sooooo just want to have a small little wedding, a destination wedding, or just elope! But, I also find myself buying into the "once in a lifetime oppurtunity" crap. On top of it all, I am pregnant! So, I feel guilty for planning a big wedding, because I feel like we don't "deserve" one, you know? Ugh, I hate wedding planning. I just want to be married and be done with it!

[Reenie]

On top of it all, I am pregnant! So, I feel guilty for planning a big wedding, because I feel like we don't "deserve" one, you know?

I felt sad reading that. You deserve a big wedding. You can have whatever you dream for (within reason ;) ). Hell, wear a huge poofy white dress if you want.

[DianaFaye]

We're having a small wedding (less than 45 guests) and it's still been a headache at times. I wouldn't say I've hated it but it's been trying, for sure.

My sanity left me a while ago. :p A 30 month engagement and 2 wedding dates will do that to you!

[PGirl26]

I've come to the conclusion I'd love to elople. FH doesn't like the idea's I come up with, but he refuses to get in the planning process...It's really just a hassle. I've also bought into the "once in a lifetime thing". Blah. FH refuses to elope. Says our families will kill us...blah again...lol

[pride&prejudice]

Oh when I was about half way through the engagement I wished that I had listened to DH and had the small destination wedding with just immediate family. I mean he wasn't suggesting eloping, but just not the big wedding.

We did it in the end because 1)cannot have weddings outside the church for orthodox and 2)most of the families wanted it

It was a beautiful day and we both enjoyed every minute of it. But part of me wished that I had just forgone all of the hassle and had the wedding that DH suggested. I just hated the "once in a lifetime" crap. It was like yes this will be the only wedding I have, but this is the end of all good things to happen. Ugh, sorry had to get that out since I hate how they commercialize the wedding day now.

[Quartercentury]

I felt sad reading that. You deserve a big wedding. You can have whatever you dream for (within reason ;) ). Hell, wear a huge poofy white dress if you want.

Yes yes yes!!! asianbear07 you can have whatever kind of wedding you want! Don't buy into this social pressure that tells you in what order to schedule major life events! We are planning to have a child before we even start planning our wedding. Social pressure be damned. Anyone who tut-tuts at our wedding will be promptly shown the door.

Larissa, I haven't got any advice. Just hugs. I am avoiding actually beginning planning because I don't think I can handle the stress of it all.

[lawyergirl25]

Looking back, I wish I could have just eloped. We almost did, but I chickened out when I realized how hurt my parents were going to be. (We should have just done it and told everyone later - hindsight's 20/20!) Our wedding was a great day, I had a lot of fun and was excited to see our families. But the stress and heartache and arguing and everything that came before it just WAS NOT worth it.

I feel bad for saying that, for two reasons.

1. I don't want to discourage any brides-to-be out there. I know some women on these boards are dealing with a lot of stress and want someone to tell them it will all be worth it in the end. I don't go into those threads very much, because I obviously don't feel that way. While I know the stress is worth it to some brides, or some brides are surprised in the end that a big wedding is just fine (even though they fought it tooth and nail beforehand), it just wasn't the case for us.

2. I see so many other women on this site and on WC talk about how their day was "magical" or "the best day of [my] life." It was for me too - but I think it would have been just as magical or happy on a beach in the Caribbean. So I wonder if there's something wrong with me because when other women say they wouldn't trade it for anything in the world, I say "eh - I would rather have eloped."

Again, I feel like I'm being all gloom and doom here (see #1) - I really did have a happy wedding day. But if the question is whether I would do it all again the same way, the answer is a resounding no.

[Natasha]

I don't think you ladies who say you'd have eloped/had a destination wedding are doom and gloom! It's a nice little bit of reality, because for some people, the planning and hassle really isn't worth it! I could easily see us doing soemthing very small and destination-y. Thank you, ladies, for your truthful and helpful info!

BTW, thanks for the kind words!! I am just a very stressed preggo right now!!

[MeTheGirlie]

I feel conflicted about my wedding. I mean, on the one hand, I had a WONDERFUL time but to be honest aside from the union of two souls, I really didn't have much TIME to enjoy it - I was too darn busy, everyone pulling and tugging at me, I don't think I had ONE drink aside from the toast! You know how they always say "let the guests come to you, you go out and have a good time" - truth be told, they DO come to you, in a constant stream!

On our honeymoon we were sitting in Hawaii (Maui First, then Kauai), I believe this was Kauai, having dinner and there were SIX friends there, 2 of them had just gotten married and 2 couples, the men also in tuxes. They were sitting there laughing and toasting, I thought it was so intimate and sweet.

But who knows...if I didn't have my big wedding, I presumably would've been thinking I missed the boat there also.

[Larissa]

Thanks ladies! I'm feeling better. The feelings about the wedding seem to come and go for me. Some days I'm perfectly content and others I feel like throwing stuff around the house.

I went to a wedding this weekend. The bride and groom had a minimum amount of money, several people to please, and from how the bride was describing the wedding in all the time leading up to it I honestly thought I'd be one of those b1tches who came back and posted how tacky it was (dollar dance, people in windsuit pants, 5pm-12am but no meal) and I honestly had a *wonderful* time. Probably the best time I've had at a wedding :) I also feel less stressed since I got all the big "once in a lifetime" decision behind me (dress and wedding ring - well, one of them at least, he's picking our matching set from one we've dicussed and I'm trying to relax).

We have the added double country issues thrown in. We wanted to elope, but feel the need to have a reception for my family because I'm leaving the country. Style of what you want totally goes out the window when you utter the words "Mom, dad, we got engaged...and I'm moving 5,000 miles away."

AsianBear-I totally think you should have a wedding! I'm sorry to hear that you're so stressed about it all.

[Sare79]

Okay, my turn to vent.
I am hating my wedding today. I went to try on clothes today and I have gone up a size. I am getting very afraid that I won't be able to fit into my wedding dress. I went to talk with the florist today and it is going to be more expensive than I thought.
My family is being annoying, as is my FHs family. I really feel like the pressure is on me and there are still two months to go. I really wish that I would have eloped.
I'm just tired of pleasing everyone else, and I am so tired of people telling me I should lose weight for the wedding. I've been trying and not succeeding and I don't need people reminding me that I have just got fatter. Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day.

[TX Sweetheart]

looking back a year later, I wish we'd eloped as well... 1) for some reason I was really tired the entire day so I don't really remember much of the day at all 2) I absolutely HATE my wedding pictures 3) looking back, I really wasn't all that keen on my dress (I wish I'd gotten a "traditional" dress instead of a random white dress off the rack at Dillard's

I can't wait 'til we save enough money and vacation time to go to Hawaii or something and renew our vows, and get new pictures done...

[Natasha]

The more I think about it, the more I want a destination wedding. It would mean alot of people couldn't go, and we would probably have to pay for my dad and step mom to go, but man, it would be so memorable and RELAXED! lol

[Janey]

I went to try on clothes today and I have gone up a size. I am getting very afraid that I won't be able to fit into my wedding dress.
Sare79, I have that very same fear. I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I've gained 15 lbs since I purchased my wedding dress last November. :/ It's very scary to me, and I'm hoping to heck that when my dress comes in next week, it'll actually fit on my body. I just figure I'll do the best I can, and whatever happens is what happens.

When I very first started planning my wedding, a friend of mine said some words to me that I've kept coming back to again and again: "Whatever happens, at the end of the day, we'll still be married, and that's the whole point." Those words have really helped me keep my sanity ... I hope they'll help you too. :)

[singerwife]

Just chiming in. I'll be married for 4 years this month, and yes, I hated my wedding. Every single part of it. I'm mostly over it, but holy cow....the anxiety, the family drama, the stress, the expense, the travel...so not worth it for us. (Plus, my wedding was the poster child for disaster. Seriously. You know it's bad when people write about exactly how bad it was.)

But what am I going to do? It's done, and I love being married. I'd just encourage anyone with a gut instinct to elope, to just do it.

[Txfish]

Hey Larissa -- more hugs for you! Sorry it's stressing you out and making you unhappy. (And don't for a minute feel guilty about being unhappy -- just because it's a happy event doesn't mean there aren't other feelings running around, too!) I hated mine a lot of the time too, and in the end it was a somewhat fun day -- just not the end-all be-all of my life. It's very hard to get in a mindset of not caring if little things (or big things!) go wrong or are left undone.

I think that's a great quote: At the end of the day, you'll still be married. To hell with the family drama and requests and demands.

HUGS!!

[Sophia]

We just celebrated our 2nd anniversary. We started out planning a smallish wedding, but it started balooning very rapidly because it was his first wedding and his mom was sooooooooo excited and wanted to invite every single person she could think of. I was getting more and more stressed, which DH could see, plus he didn't really want a huge wedding either. In the end, we had a tiny, intimate wedding, just us, my 2 children, my parents, his parents, my brother, his brother, and his grandmother--eleven people, including the bride & groom. We'd already put a deposit for the ballroom of a local historical hotel, and we convinced them to let us use the deposit in the private room of the hotel restaurant instead. We had the BEST main courses you can imagine, and the best champagne, because we needed to use up that deposit. LOL And the evening was spent being able to sit & relax and talk with our closest relatives. And his mom even said that it was perfect. :)

[filmgirl7]

We're having a small wedding (less than 45 guests) and it's still been a headache at times. I wouldn't say I've hated it but it's been trying, for sure.
My sanity left me a while ago. :p A 30 month engagement and 2 wedding dates will do that to you!

This is me, too! For me and my FH, being engaged was horrid. It was worse than I could have imagined it. I thought I would feel warm and fuzzy but I was stressed beyond my wildest imagination. The wedding was SUPPOSED to be July 16th but we called it off in April. Now we're secretly planning a destination wedding for January. We've gone out of our way to keep this a secret for at least another month so that nobody else can get involved in the planning. By the time we get married, we will also have been engaged for 30 months, with two (3, actually) wedding dates. :p

[filmgirl7]

J and I were both so pissed and hurt when we called off the wedding, I made a bulleted list of the reasons why we just couldn't take it any more. I'm sure some of you all experienced some of these as well. I'm still trying to decide whether to give this to my parents.....my mom STILL has no idea why we did called it! :confused: :eek:

Reasons Why We Called off the July Wedding

Ø Negativity between us (the couple getting married) and S-Family (a contributing party )
o A horrible tone was set from the start of the engagement because the S-Family refused to acknowledge the B-Family as parents of the groom. It was understood that the S-Family was not willing to sit down and discuss wedding planning with the B-Family .
o CS was told by MS that the reception would be paid for by the S-Family in order to keep “too many cooks from getting into the kitchen.” Subsequently, the reception hall was booked without any discussion with the B-Family, and it was understood that all dealings with the reception hall would exclude the B-Family .
o When the S-Family sat down with us to discuss date and time of wedding, every suggestion we made was shot down. The time of day was a huge bone of contention, as well as the day, the date, the month, etc. Our suggestions and desires were not even considered relevant or important…it was always some other factor.
o Extreme amounts of fighting occurred over the number of people we wanted to include in the wedding party. We still don’t understand why that’s anyone else’s business. When CS told KS that she had invited six girls to be bridesmaids, KS responded, “You had no business asking anyone.” If not the bride, then who? CS is also aware of the screaming and fighting that went on among the S-Family over this issue.
o MB made the mistake of calling the S-Family on a Saturday morning to discuss the brunch plan and floral arrangements. This ill-timed called, coupled with preceding lack of communication, resulted in a tirade by KS over the phone to CS, where KS actually uttered the phrase “It’s none of her F&^king business.” CS and JB never intended for their wedding to become an arena for the politics of others; the flowers were everyone’s business if they were anyone’s business.
o CS found a wedding invitation that she liked, and JB fell in love with it. The couple getting married thought they would like to use this invitation. When it was brought home to be shown to the S-Family , it was immediately snubbed by KS, who noted that it was not particularly noteworthy, and that she didn’t like it because of the writing on the front. Also, she didn’t “get” the fact that the invitation was special and appropriate for the couple, and noted that nobody else would “get” it either. This issue created a LOT of fighting between JB and CS.

This is just the first half.... :eek:

[Millie03]

I just wanted to interject that "once in a lifetime" doesn't mean that it has to be a big event. I really think that it should be whatever you two want whether it be eloping or a 300 person event. And I don't think that anybody can ultimately deny that you have to do what "fits" you two.

I think almost everything that could have gone wrong went wrong at our wedding (a hurricane hit right before our wedding date and flooded the hotel where we were having the wedding; my in-laws limo broke down in front of their house and they were late for the wedding, family drama...the list goes on) BUT I was able to let go and just enjoy the fact that I was marrying my husband. Would I change the way I did things? Yes! Live and learn, I guess.

I'm sorry that it's been so stressful for all of you. But just hang in there and really try and work as a team with your FH. It's YOUR day; not anybody else's.

There's no requirement that everything be "perfect"; just that you get married. (Because everybody would be really disappointed if that didn't happen)

[benoprin]

I put forth effort and fought to have our weddiing, it ended up as mother's EVENT. The wedding was more us and the reception mostly her.

We plan to do a little something for US like a dinner party with or wedding party year five!!!! :D

[jbgosh]

Ahhh.....the wonderful world of wedding planning! Totally agree with some of you that it's DEFINITELY not the "happiest day" of my life! Most men say it's one of the worst days of their lives! That day and all the days prior to it!!!

[princess1224]

Larissa, (((big hugs))) to you. I'm sorry that you're feeling so negative about it and it's making you so miserable.

We didn't fight per se during the planning process but there was a lot of tension. DH is not exactly a pro wedding person. Marriage is good but he is very against people going into debt for one day, he's very against the couple having to do what others want and he's especially against all the "have to haves" of a wedding. You know, all the little details that cost more money that serve no purpose....favors and fancy placecard holders. That's just an example.

We chose to have a small backyard wedding and we had an 18 month engagement. There were a couple times that I stopped planing all together for a couple months just so I can remember what we wanted. What we really wanted was to go to Mexico but I have two brothers and I knew they wouldn't be able afford to go and I didn't want to get married without having them there. So we planned it for our friends backyard. I bought a big beautiful wedding dress, that wasn't even that big by wedding dress standards. It was way over our budget so I had to beg DH (then FH) to let me get it (money was very tight....we never had an official budget, we just bought what we could when we could). I was going through cancer treatment and had a wig when I tried on the dress. When the dress came I didn't love it any more. I could see that it was pretty but I hated me in it. It just didn't feel right for our day. I was totally sick about it for months because I hated the dress, I was dreading the wedding if I had to wear that dress and now I had to tell FH that even though we just spent all that money on the dress that I had to have, now I hate it and want a different one. I browsed on the internet first though and went to FH armed with info about how much the second dress would be and gave him the sob story about why I liked the first dress (because I was hormonal, going through chemo, wearing a wig and it made me feel pretty). So I got the second dress which was exactly the style I wanted in the first place.

Because we were doing everything ourselves (incuding food...a friend of ours catered) we had a lot of work to do and running around to do in the last month before the wedding. In that last month I wanted to call off the wedding. I wanted to married but I didn't want to have the wedding anymore...it was just too much work. I wished that we had just gone to Mexico. In fact acouple months before the wedding we tried to figure out how much money we had put into it so far and figure out if we could swing Mexico. We decided we couldn't because we have 3 kids too and that means we'd be paying airfare for 5.

Long story longer, by the wedding day (actually the last week before the wedding we fought less) everything was great. We did enjoy our wedding and it was just right for us. We had a big party with all our friends and some family that we hadn't seen for awhile. We had to work very hard to keep it as simple as we did though, and I had to put up with a lot of friends looks when I would tell them all the things we're not doing (bouquet toss and garter). But DH and I were talking during our reception and saying that it was perfect for us, it was what we had wanted .....although Mexico still would have been better if everyone could have come.....but our relatives and good friends wouldn't have been there. We'll probably renew our vows in Mexico on an anniversary.

Sorry I'm rambling so much. We did love our wedding, it was fun, it was us. We wouldn't do it differently even if we could. But we were pretty miserable during the planning. And if we had done the things that other people wanted us to we woudln't have been happy and if I had stuck with my first dress I would have been miserable. Several times I had to go back to think about what I wanted and there were things that I bought and were wasted ebcause I decided that they weren't right. But it worked out. I'd say go with your gut. My gut told me that as much as I wanted to get married in Mexico on the beach that getting married here was the right thing for us.

[Katyanne]

I think to a point its perfectly natural, weddings are so stressful especially if there are other factors such as family, money and did I mention family?

We had an 18 month engagement where in the last 4 months of planning, there was a big falling out with my family minister, resulting in the search for a new minister, half of DH's family were no longer on speaking terms (not because of DH) and 2 of his groomsmen (also uncles dropped out, one of them 3 days before the wedding) if we had it to do all over again I might have eloped or gone to Hawaii or something but only because besides being one of the happiest days of our lives because we were married DH remembers that only 4 members of his family bothered to show up.

Other than that it was a wonderful day, but believe me, the days and months leading up to it was so stressful.

Katie

[DianaFaye]

12 days away from "the big day" as everyone likes to call it and I want to run screaming in the opposite direction. I'm SO stressed and depressed right now. I love my FH dearly and do not for one second question marrying him, it's just all this wedding garbage that's dragging me down. :(

[Rosebud]

My wedding is six weeks away and right now I hate it. I just feel like all these petty family disagreements are causing major tension between FH and I and ruining what should be a really nice, romantic time. Everything is pretty much done, planning-wise, so there's no stress there. It's entirely stress that's being generated by family wanting OUR wedding to be done THEIR way. I'm so angry about all of it and kind of just want the whole thing to be over with so I never have to hear about it or talk about it again.

:mad:

[StephieS2580]

I can say in all honesty, that i totally understand how you feel. I have 2 children and am obviously not married yet. I also feel that i don't really "deserve" to have a huge elaborate wedding. My FMIL(who really does mean well i am sure) only adds to that feeling when she tells me that i shouldn't have a bridal shower because FH and i live together(we have for 3yrs now)and it would not be appropriate. I shouldn't have a large wedding party, and she also said i should not register for gifts, because of that same reason. She is very old school, and traditional. I don't get angry with her, for the simple fact that she feels she is sparing us embarassment. I don't agree, and will be registering, and my mother plans to host a small shower for me along with my aunt. FH and i are paying for alot of it on our own, but his parents have offered to pay for a substantial portion of the reception and will undoubtedly pick up odds and ends when she sees them(unity candle, bubbles, ect.) I just don't feel happy about it anymore. When we got engaged i was thrilled! I bought books, started looking for ideas on decor and dresses, the works. Now i want it to be over. I love my FH and want nothing more than to marry him, but i don't want to plan anymore. We have a 2yr engagement, the sole reason is to save money to pay for this wedding. I am constantly stressing over what needs to be done, when it should be done by, blah blah blah. I still have a whole year to go!!! I think i will be insane when it gets down to the wire. To top it all off, i am gaining weight. I already bought my dress, and it fit perfectly, aside from being a tab bit long(i am pretty short). Now i am constantly afraid it won't fit. Again FH is the only one saying that i look wonderful and so on. But there is a certain someone who keeps reminding me during meals that i have a wedding dress to fit into. Ugh!!! We really should elope, but it would totally upset our families(devout catholics) and we don't want to do that of course. So in conclusion I really am excited to be married, but really hate this planning crap!
Sorry to ramble so much, it's hard to put all these kinds of thoughts into any kind of order that would make sense!

[tbell]

I totally hated my wedding. I feel badly even saying that because my mom, MIL, and DH spent a lot of time and money making sure my wedding was perfect. But I think the WC was a detrement to me in that I would read other people's journals who were planning these grandiose weddings and I couldn't help but compare my wedding to theirs. I mean, everything was beautiful at my wedding and I got what I wanted (within reason), but in mind it didn't compare. And I know how selfish and spoiled I sound.

I was so stressed about making sure everyone else was having a good time, making sure my parents were getting along, getting upset that our DJ played all the wrong music. I have never been so glad to be done with something in my life. Friends say they wish they could relive their weddings, but not me! If I had to do it again, DH and I would have had our 25 guest, intimate wedding we wanted.

All this being said, I was never happier because I got to marry DH after waiting 5 years to be his wife.

[mimieliza]

I ended up loving my wedding (and my marriage, of course), but in the weeks before it I nearly had a nervous breakdown. And on the day of the wedding, I cried nearly constantly from 4:30 AM (when I finally got out of bed after being up all night worrying) to 4:30 PM (when the hairdresser put the veil on my head and it hit me, "I'm getting married today!"). Our ceremony was at 6:30 PM, and I had the time of my life from that moment on, but everything leading up to it was quite hellish.

So, if you're still a bride-to-be, keep in mind that you could still end up loving your wedding. Just focus on DH and how happy and proud you are to publicly vow to be husband and wife. And, if you end up crying over the agonizing decision of whether or not to rent chair covers (which I actually shed real tears over two weeks before the wedding), well, at least you can look back on it someday and laugh at yourself.