Encouranging total potty independence

[gretazmama]

My 3.5 y.o. DD has been potty trained for more than a year now, and is totally capable of using the potty, wiping, flushing, washing hands, all on her own. She still wants someone in the bathroom with her and sometimes won't go until I actually sit on the wall of the tub (across from the toilet) and keep her company.

I'm looking for ways to encourage her to go on her own, which she does from time to time (especially for our sitter), on a regular basis. I've been trying to impress upon her that a trip to the bathroom isn't a social visit :) but she really likes having long conversations, playing with the tp, etc.

Any suggestions? Or is this something that just happens gradually?

[Renrel]

I can't help much. DS will usually go pee by himself these days but at 4.5 I still have to sit with him after dinner in the bathroom and read him a story while he poops. I know eventually we have to stop this but since he often has problems pooping and since he is in daycare all day and every minute of my time is precious to him, I have not pushed the issue. I though about it when he turned 4 but decided to put if off a while longer. I am also still wiping his butt for him. I taught him to do it, but giving a reward for wiping, and then for wiping and getting any poop and finally for getting more poop then I did when I did a final wipe, so I do know that he has the basics of the skill down, but he never gets himself clean enough for me so I am still doing it for him.

[NicoleWisconsin]

Maybe she's just craving the time.. how about saying something like, "Go ahead and go potty and when you're finished, I'll read you this story or we can talk about X."

What did you use to encourage her to go in the first place? Sticker chart? Would that work again?

I hope you don't mind the hijack, but would those of you with total independent bathroom users mind posting when they totally wiped by themself?

DS, 3 y. 8 m., will mostly potty by himself and he'll go in there by himself to poop, generally he likes the privacy, but still needs to be wiped. I don't know if I should encourage him more to do it himself.

[gretazmama]

Okay, so it doesn't sound all that unusual at this point. I like the 'when you're done' reward, which I can easily do ... it's just hard being in there with her for 10-30 minutes when my 6 month DD is awake!

Oh, and I used the term "wipe" very loosely in my original post! My DD does the wiping, but isn't very accurate. So we talk about where the tp needs to start and finish. Some days are better than others on that one.

[Renrel]

As I explained in my previous post, we used a reward system for wiping that increased expectations over time. I felt this was necessary because he had no self motivation towards this behavior at all. It seems kind of icky to be comparing wipes with him to see if he got more than me, but this "contest" gives him a reason to try to get himself cleaner. I don't really expect him to be able to do it by himself yet but I feel by motivating him to try I am helping him learn "how" to do better. The reward we used were one piece of a small candy, like a mike and ike, jellybean, or m&m if he just tried and two if he got anything on it, then it became one for trying and the second one went to which ever of us got more on the wipe. (FWIW, He came up with the contest not me. He loves to make "deals" as he calls them.)

[AlisonCO]

I think that a reward system is a good idea, we used mini M and M's for DS when we needed him to start wiping himself in preparation for pre-school (he was 3.75). I also like the idea of telling her when she is done, that you will sit down and read/play for a bit. We wipe him when he is home still if he asks which is about 50% of the time.

[mamax2]

I hope you don't mind the hijack, but would those of you with total independent bathroom users mind posting when they totally wiped by themself?

DS, 3 y. 8 m., will mostly potty by himself and he'll go in there by himself to poop, generally he likes the privacy, but still needs to be wiped. I don't know if I should encourage him more to do it himself.

I think somewhere around 3.5-3.75 DD became an independent wiper. She went to camp last summer and started pre-k in the fall and the school was big on making sure self-wiping was a skill they brought with them to school.

As for developing overall independence, make sure your DD has all her own supplies - like let her pick out her own hand soap, towels, flushable wipes, step stool, etc. - whatever she needs to feel empowered. Then, if she asks you to join her, I'd probably make light of it and say "Oh, I'm doing XYZ, could you go ahead on your own and by the time you're finished I'll be ready to read you a story/play dolls, etc." You just have to make the post-potty activity something really appealing and something that you can only do if you finish your 'job' and she finishes her job (potty).

[hub1176]

gretazmama Not my own child, but a little boy I started watching last September came to me potty trained, but in the beginning there were times he'd call me in the bathroom just to chat, or ask for assistance with things I knew he could do himself (pulling down his elastic waist pants was one thing) I found best to be matter of fact "You can pull those down by yourself" and not give in to requests like those. I also let him know the more time I spent sitting with him in the bathroom, the less time we would have to do other things like go outside, read a book, do an art project etc. After a few weeks he got it and now a simple request to go "take care of business" is all that's needed:)
As for wiping BM, I have all my kids wipe first, I will then check their work and see if it needs more wiping - then I have them do it. I don't think it's *perfect* but better I get them into the habit of doing it themselves now, then when they are off to school and teacher can't check or wipe them.
Admittedly this has worked well for my daycare kids, my own almost 3 year old DD wants nothing to do with the potty :o:rolleyes:

[Renrel]

One thing to be careful about if you do the "we will do something fun when you are done" method is that some kids (like mine) may not stay and finish what they need to get done in order to move on to the fun stuff. That is one reason I am still in there with him. I am more worried about returning to him holding it for days and then being scared to go because it hurts than I am about him not learning that potty is a private thing.

[cynder]

<lurk>
Hi Gretzamama! How are you? :)

</lurk>

[twinnyme]

My DD is 3 years 2 months and has been potty trained since July. We talk about "privacy" a lot - but usually SHE gets privacy when SHE wants it, and when she doesn't want privacy but company she gets me. When I, OTOH, want privacy, good luck! :p We've gone through cycles of trying to get her to be "private" in the bathroom but it's a toss-up. Some days she'll decide she wants privacy to poop and some days she wants me in there. (She never wants DH in there.) She 99% of the time pees on her own, half the time without my even knowing she's been in there, and I'd say she probably poops on her own 75% of the time. A couple of times she's asked me to come in there to "help" her poop - i.e. push down on her knees to help her go. (She's hardly ever constipated but I think this has been the case the once or twice she has been.) We're still working on her washing her hands regularly after going potty so I do like to know when she's in there so I can check on that, but I do try to let her just go by herself and just check her afterwards to encourage the independence.

With baby #2 coming, I think I indulge her in my being in there a bit more than I should, perhaps, but soon it'll be much harder for me to be in there with her whenever she wants it, so while I indulge it, I'm also encouraging the independence. Luckily, she doesn't take long to pee/poop, so I'm never really in there that long with her.

[gretazmama]

<lurk>
Hi Gretzamama! How are you?

</lurk>

Hey! I'm fine ... up to my eyeballs in kid stuff. You'll be there soon! I check LJ regularly for any updates. :)

[jenjen0713]

gretazmama Not my own child, but a little boy I started watching last September came to me potty trained, but in the beginning there were times he'd call me in the bathroom just to chat, or ask for assistance with things I knew he could do himself (pulling down his elastic waist pants was one thing) I found best to be matter of fact "You can pull those down by yourself" and not give in to requests like those. I also let him know the more time I spent sitting with him in the bathroom, the less time we would have to do other things like go outside, read a book, do an art project etc. After a few weeks he got it and now a simple request to go "take care of business" is all that's needed:)
As for wiping BM, I have all my kids wipe first, I will then check their work and see if it needs more wiping - then I have them do it. I don't think it's *perfect* but better I get them into the habit of doing it themselves now, then when they are off to school and teacher can't check or wipe them.
Admittedly this has worked well for my daycare kids, my own almost 3 year old DD wants nothing to do with the potty :o:rolleyes:

ITA!!!

It sounds like who the parent is and who the child is, is getting fuzzy in some situations that are being described here, IMHO. Kids are incredibly smart and they learn very early on who they can and can't "control" or "manipulate". A 4 year old is more than capable of using the bathroom by himself /herself without having someone in the bathroom with him/her and is certainly physically capable of cleaning themselves. There is a fine line between helping and enabling a child. Just my two cents.