I Need Your Help!

[Elmophant]

My DD just turned 3 on Sunday and is NO WHERE NEAR interested in potty training. It's driving me crazy b/c she knows what to do, she just won't do it! My family keeps giving me a hard time (mostly my mom and sister b/c my niece that is 2 weeks older has been potty trained for 6 months or more). My pedi said not to push her, but it's starting to wear me down.

I need some advice!

[Renrel]

You may want to check out the potty training thread in the 12-36 months forum, there is alot of information there on lots of different issues and varous methods. Each child does train in their own way and time but it can be hard to be comfortable with that when here is a child near in age who is held up as an example.

Our daycare pretty much day trained DS to pee but it took us months to get him to poop regularly on the potty and I still have to sit with him and read him a book over a year later. We have also just recently started getting him to wipe his own butt. In daycare they pretty much went cold turkey. When he was years and 7mths they asked that I start using underwear over a weekend and then have him in underwear all day at school with lots of extra clothes brought in. The gave him a chart to put sticker on every time he tried to go potty. Just a piece of paper with his name that he decorated, no columes or rows or anything. They had him go to the potty at regular times during the day. First thing in the morning, before going outside in the morning, when they came back in side, before nap, after nap, before going outside in the afternoon and when he came back in. He was also encouraged to go whenever he felt the need. They also limited liquids at lunch to discourage accidents at nap time. He was pretty much trained in a week, though I wasn't. I kept forgetting that I could not keep him out shopping without potty breaks leading to embarassing store accidents. :o I also think the fact that one of boys in the class trained a month or so ahead of him helped because he had a peer and example. Thanks to that example he insisted on peeing standing up, but that did cause some of the pooping issue since he thought boys shoould to do it all standing up. :rolleyes:

But as I said, although he trained fast for pee (and it was the school not me that should take credit there) he refused to poop in a potty for months after that and it was a long, long process to get him comfortable pooping on a toilet. And at almost 4.5 he is not night trained by a long shot. He is dry maybe 1-2 nights a week.

[Dettes]

My only advice is wait until she is ready. Unless you have a deadline, (ie she is starting preschool and must be potty trained) I would say don't push it, it will only be a big fight. At least that has been my experience with my kids. She'll let you know when she's ready.

[dana b]

my dd was like that at 3 -- we had 3 mos until preschool to get her trained and i was wigging out! she was so stubborn about going that i didn't think it was going to happen, but one week it just clicked. everyone was on my case as well. whenever i started getting really frustrated, i just backed off for a while. i couldn't stand changing a 3 yr olds poopy diaper! one of the things that really helped was the movie "potty power", i got from netflix and it was after that that it clicked for her. it's such a cheesy video, but she still talks about it.

[Marisa]

I think that Dettes has the right idea. I know that boys usually train later than girls, but my DS was exactly where your DD was at 3. I decided not to push it, because we were going on vacation when he was 3y, 3m and I didn't want to be in the middle of PTing and mess with his routine. Almost as soon as we got back from vacation he started telling me when he had to go, and basically just went to using underpants during the day within a week or two.

[hub1176]

First - please do not worry about what anyone else thinks. Go by your child's needs/abilities.
That said, if she is showing the readiness signs and just is refusing to go, it may be time to just pull out the panties and tell her that from now on we are going on the potty. If she's afraid of the potty, sweeten the deal. A couple m&m's to sit for a timed period can't hurt :) Once she's used to sitting, the next step is she has to actually "go" to earn the treat. Once that's mastered, she has to go all morning on the potty, then all day and so on.
I don't call it bribing, I call them incentives : )

[Koala_Gurl]

I knew DD was probably ready (knew how to use the potty, had done so for quite some time, though very randomly.)

I just prepared her by saying after our trip on an airplane, we were going to start wearing panties. I kept reminding her, and then after our trip, said, OK, no more diapers. It was a bit of a struggle that first day (her insisting on diapers, not trying to use the potty when I told her to, etc.) But something clicked that day, and after a rough day, she was using the potty very well. Even going on her own, without reminders. Sure she has had a few accidents since then, but I could tell that DD just needed the "push" from me. I tried not to make a huge deal of it, just very matter of fact. But when she did use the potty, tons of praise and M&Ms for her "reward."

[Renrel]

One other method I have heard used, and different things work best for different children, is to require them to help with clean up, even if it is just keeping you company as you wash the poopy underwear. This places some consquence on the decision to go in the underwear rather than the potty for a child who is capable of using the potty (Able to hold it, able to recognize what needing to to like feels like, able to remove clothing to get to the potty ect) for a child who could care less about being in dirty or wet clothing. They are taken away from what they are doing to clean instead of to sit on the potty. The interuption is going to happen regardless of where they do their business it is just a matter or what they are going to do during the interuption. This should not be a punishment, it just a consquence, like if you accident drop something you help pick it up. If you bump into someone you say you are sorry. I only did this once or twice because it did not really seem appopriate for our issues, or maybe I was just lazy, but it is something to concider.

[tinkerbelljenny]

My son didn't train until right when he turned 4. I know people are probably shocked right? However, I never pushed it. I didn't want to be one of those parents that sat in the bathroom for hours waiting for him to go. When he decided he was ready, he was ready. We never even had any accidents after he was trained even at night. I couldn't believe how easy it was when he was the one that decided it was time.
Just curious why you want to push it? Is family telling you he should be trained or does he need to get trained ASAP for school?

[bluebunny]

My DS is almost 3.5 and not PT. He is fully capable of using the potty and even tells me sometimes when he is going in his diaper but he does not want to use the potty. Even though I'd rather not have to buy diapers any more, I'm not pushing it. His teachers at school encourage him to use the potty but they tell me that children who are pushed to PT usually regress or take an extremely long time to fully PT. I think it is partially a control issue. Today, for example, DS decided to wear underwear sans diaper and used the potty three times before having an accident. After having the accident, he decided to put on a diaper. :rolleyes: Oh well.

I think it is much better to let the child be in control. (Of course, if he is not PT by August I'll be changing my tune because he must be PT to go to Montessori!!)