Do You Know Any Hoarders?

[DragonFly]

Over the holiday break, a friend went back home for a visit. The last couple of years, she says that her mother has slowly been losing it and hoarding more and more things. It's gotten so bad that my friend can't spend more than a couple of hours in the house before she has an asthma attack due to all the dust and what ever else.

The NY Times did an article (http://www.nytimes.com/2008/01/01/health/01well.html?_r=3&oref=slogin&oref=slogin&oref=slogin) the other day on clutter and how it pertains to health (both physical and mental). I've never actually met a hoarder, but reading the thread about seeing someone's house and it changing your opinion of them makes me wonder, if you guys know any hoarders.

[Katie1]

As a real estate agent I went into many hoarders' homes. Hoarders aren't really the type to put their homes on the market, but in the area where I worked there were many multi-family homes where the hoarder tenants had been there for 20+ years, and were forced to move when the owners decided to sell.

I remember one house that my office went to preview. It was so awful that each of us stepped in and promptly turned around and walked out. Anyone in there longer than a few seconds was pulling their shirt up over their face to block the stench.

The worst were the hoarders with cats. I was never a cat person but could tolerate them until I began to encounter those awful apartments reeking of cat urine, now I can't imagine how anyone can keep a cat in their home.

Honestly the way some of these people lived was indescribable, and really sad. Also unsafe.

[Hello Kitty]

Yep, I know a hoarder, and she's got all of the psychological issues, behaviors, and history that comes with it. It really sucks.

[daphne]

My ex-roommate was a hoarder. There was a 12-inch pathway cut out between stacks of paper, magazines, boxes, etc from his bedroom door to his bed. It was bizarre & I was always waiting for the stacks to crash down around him.

[Fenway]

As my grandmother got older, she became a hoarder. She was absent minded, lonely and depressed. She lived by herself and refused to move. She would go to places like Wal-Mart and buy bags and bags of stuff, drag it into the house and pile it up. She also went through a mail order stage where 4-6 packages would come a week.

We begged and pleaded with her to move to an assisted living place, but she flat out refused. When she started buying groceries like she was still feeding a family of seven, bringing in the grocery bags and leaving them on the kitchen floor (bags with perishables- meats, dairy, etc.) we had to put out foot down, and get social services involved. In the mean time, she got sick and was hospitalized for a few months. During that time, we took pictures of her house to show her social worker and doctor, and between the two of them, they convinced her to move to an assisted living community.

It was sad, really. My grandma was one of those housewives that kept a spotless house, didn't do anything until all the beds were made, dishes were done, laundry was folded and put away... When my grandfather died, she went down hill, fast.

She is doing excellent in her assisted living apartment. Although she just had a heart attack and is currently hospitalized.

I think I still have those pics. Let me look.

[Fenway]

There were times I'd spend a full 8 hours cleaning, just to come back 2 days later and find it a disaster again.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/gramma4.jpg

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/gramma3.jpg

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/Gramma2.jpg

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/gramma1.jpg

[bug]

I know one. Her basement was unbelievable. Paths were carved amongst all the stuff. I remember in particular (in addition all the other stuff that she hoarded) she was obsessed with labels and box tops (like the points things from Betty Crocker items that you collect to redeem) that were piled everywhere, from years and years. She tried to give them to me! Oh, and she had the fattest cat I have ever seen, and her house smelled like the litter box. It was really quite sad, she lived alone, never married, and was a nurse!

[Natrat80]

Yep, my FIL is one. Right now it is only in his office, but I think before he married DH's mom it was all over the house. He has newspapers from 2 year ago stacked up all over the floor. He has bookshelves with totally outdated computer manuals and books. We can't let DD go in there because it is seriously dangerous. MIL has tried to throw away stuff when he goes out of town and he goes crazy. I think there are definitely psychological issues that go along with it.

[DragonFly]

Wow Fenway, that's pretty bad. My friend said that her mom, who happens to work at a grocery store, tends to buy stuff just because it's on sale. I think she bought like 100 bags of peppermints (no lie) because they were on sale, but she doesn't like peppermint. She also bought a bunch of the Boston Series Championship hats again, because they were on sale. My friend said that the house is getting so bad that there are paths to get from one place to another.

[Fenway]

She also bought a bunch of the Boston Series Championship hats

Well,
We all know there is nothing wrong with that! ;)

In all seriousness, though, it really is an illness.

[pontmarie]

Yes, one of our friends is one. Apparently when she was a child, her step-dad used to give away her toys so now she buys and buys, and spends and spends, both beyond her family's capabilities. They have a shed in the yard and three storage spaces full, and their house still looks like a mess.

[NotDesperate]

My MIL is a hoarder. And she has cats. So yea, her house REEKS of cat urine. The smell smacks you in the face upon entering. Her house is terrible.

She buys from QVC everyday and there are stacks and stacks of things everywhere. The same waffle maker in the box is still in the same spot on the floor as it was 8 years ago when I first met DH.

The kitchen table and other tables, counters, floors, every surface is covered. She also has Christmas stuff out year round. Not only is it completely cluttered, but her house is dirty and disgusting. She never cleans and I cringe to go potty there or eat.

To make things even worse, they finally went to clean out her mom's house and instead of getting rid of it, they moved it ALL into their house! So now they have two houses worth of things into one house. Most of it is in the basement however. It is a full basement and packed wall to wall with boxes ceiling to floor. Once she wanted us to find one small piece of jewerly that belonged to her mom among those boxes and I just laughed. You can only get to the front stuff.

She is the kind of hoarder who will buy multiple things of something she already has. So they have like 4 coffeepots, 5 weed wackers, etc etc.

I am convinced her house is slowly sinking into the ground from all the weight of all the crap in her house. :rolleyes: Her house resembles the pics from Fenway except make the house look dirty and dark and piles of old stuff lining every wall.

When we have kids, we won't be spending much time there. It is SO unchildproofed! They certainly won't be babysitting, but for other reasons as well. Ick, I shudder to think of my kids in that house. :eek:
She still has all her kids things (they are all 30+ now) and actually thinks I will use them. No thank you!

[mommy2allyandaveri]

There were times I'd spend a full 8 hours cleaning, just to come back 2 days later and find it a disaster again.

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/gramma4.jpg

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/gramma3.jpg

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/Gramma2.jpg

http://i27.photobucket.com/albums/c178/mimgrrl/gramma1.jpg

OMG I would go absolutely INSANE!!! I could NOT live like that.

[ShelbyMay]

Most of the women in DH's family are hoarders. Their houses are much like the pictures posted above, but maybe worse. They are "collecters" -- dolls, figurines, Disney memorabilia, state-themed spoons, Beanie Babies, etc. They are also always getting "great deals" on things they don't need -- 30 boxes of cereal for a woman who lives alone??? But they were SUCH a good deal... :rolleyes:

[twainny]

That is nothing....(re: the pictures) Oprah did a 2 day show on a lady that was a hoarder. It was sick!! They had no where to sit in the house. They had so much CRAP! I forget how much stuff they got rid of (mold, mice, etc) but they salvaged 2 SEMI TRUCKS worth of stuff. The lady had like 200+ pair of shoes!! It was crazy. I missed the first day, but I think the children intervened. I think they wouldn't let any of the grandkids over there (and rightfully so!) And of course Oprah's people made over the house and it was AWESOME afterwards. The lady was also offered help so she doesn't revert back to her problem.

[NotDesperate]

I saw that episode Twainny. She was really, really bad. She got a ton of money from selling all her stuff in a giant yard sale (although I am sure no where near the amount she spent on it all) because she had so much stuff. I felt bad for her husband.

[IrishEyes]

I like to watch the show Clean House, and I'm amazed at how much people hoard and the conditions they live in.

[diam124]

I know a couple possible hoarders. My BIL's grandmother was one, although I don't think she was really bad yet. She lived alone and as she got older she had a difficult time throwing things away. She lives in assisted living now.

My FIL has similar problems. Their house is very neat and clean, but the basement and garage are full of useless things that he can't seem to part with. He has an especially difficult time getting rid of cars. At one point they had 4 cars in the driveway (for just him and MIL). These are old cars that a) don't really run anymore and b) aren't safe to drive anyway. He just can't part with them. They just convinced him to get rid of one so they need to start working on the other one.

[jen]

Fenway, I think we have the same grandmother. :rolleyes:

I'm interested in hearing how you got social services involved. My uncle (my gm's only living child) refuses to take any steps to put her in assisted living. PM me if you'd like. (I'm in MA, btw) The pics are a good idea, I'll have to take some next time I dare step foot in her house again.

[heather 8^)]

I worked with a hoarder, and I felt so badly for him. This guy didn't want to throw anything out because he wanted to reduce/reuse/recycle, but this obviously got WAY out of control. ANYTHING that might potentially have a use some day he kept: metal, plastic, rubber, paper, EVERYTHING. Not just drink cans and newspapers but computer components, tire fragments, broken mirrors, oil rags, etc. He went through the cafeteria garbage cans and pulled out used paper napkins to re-use himself. His office was a complete disaster area, filled floor to ceiling with empty fast food containers, loose keyboard keys, old CDs, etc.

I never saw his house but I had coworkers who did and said it was not safe to live in (obviously). Apparently a squirrel got into his house once and it took him 2 weeks to find it. It was also rumored that his hoarding was the reason his wife divorced him. He was a brilliant man, and this was so terribly sad. This was several years ago, so I truly hope he has gotten some help.

[GroceryStoreWine]

My MIL is a horder as well. You'd never know it because she always looks beautifully put together and her main living areas are acceptable. However if you open a cabinet to pull out a glass you will find a shelf of glasses and the rest of the cabinet will be a total wall of junk. If you look under the bathroom sink it's a sea of Estee Lauder Gifts with Purchase.

DH had to live with them for about six months when we were relocating and he said it was horrible. He had a little bunk bed in a room jammed full of junk. He too had the little path to the bed and the computer, which didn't make it easy for a guy with size 14 feet to amble around. He begged her to clean out some room for him, offered to make shelves and help her organized and finally expressed his hurt and anger that couldn't even make some room for him. Nothing worked.

It's weird because she's embarressed about it but still expresses hurt when the holidays roll around and no one wants to spend the night. I mean she can't really expect adults, especially the ones with with children to sleep in a room with a 12 inch path.

She raised 7 children in a ship shape routine. I guess she's "done" with it.

[cr8zyforaf]

Fenway - wow....wow...that is all I can say about those pictures.

DH Aunt is a hoarder...mostly paper - she has so much paper stuffed everywhere. She refuses to throw anything out - newspapers, church handouts, catalogs, mail, shopping bags..it is so nasty. MIL and FIL had to go rebuild their closet downstairs - it was crammed with paper and somehow mice got in and started chewing through the walls - it has probably been going on for years but because there was so much paper crammed in the closet they didn't notice - they had to take all the paper out because the upstairs bathroom was leaking and the plan was to cut the ceiling out of the closet to get to the pipes but then they realized that the walls were almost gone. Her room is the worst - paper piled to the ceiling - with only a little path to the bed. I can't imagine all the bugs and rodents..and she got really p*ssed when MIL threatened to throw everything out.

[Fenway]

Fenway, I think we have the same grandmother. :rolleyes:

I'm interested in hearing how you got social services involved. My uncle (my gm's only living child) refuses to take any steps to put her in assisted living. PM me if you'd like. (I'm in MA, btw) The pics are a good idea, I'll have to take some next time I dare step foot in her house again.

I PMed you.

[SiValleySteph]

My mother is one. My parents house looks a lot like the pictures posted by Fenway. I don't really like to talk about it because of the way others talk about it. ("Ew gross, nasty, etc., etc.") I had to grow up hearing all that.

It is a mental illness. My mom is diagnosed OCD. She's really trying, but it's not like you can just suddenly throw stuff out. It's a real fear that you will get rid of something that you will need later.

She's actually quite clean. I hadn't visited in several years, but DS & I were just there in December. It was so refreshing to see how DS didn't have all these preconceived notions about how gross it was.

Anyways, I encourage you all to have some compassion. Your words don't just hurt the person who has the disorder, but also their family members.

[Fenway]

Anyways, I encourage you all to have some compassion. Your words don't just hurt the person who has the disorder, but also their family members.
Yes. It really is an illness. They can't just "change."

I actually find it comforting knowing that my family isn't the only family that has dealt with this.

[laura]

My mom is a hoarder. We did an intervention 2 years ago (kind of like that show "Clean Sweep"), and it was actually successful, I think. It wasn't successful at first, and that upset me so much that I think my mom finally "got" what we were saying. Thinking back in my life, she has always had the tendencies, but it has never been as bad as it got a few years ago. It got worse when she lived alone (after my parents divorced), but then it got slightly better, and then she met her current boyfriend who I would assume is a serious hoarder (my mom has never seen inside his house, and they have been together for several years now) and everything spiraled downward pretty quickly. He is still doing things like buying 20 of something that he will never use because it's "a good deal", but my mom has cut way back on that, and she is no longer letting him leave things at her house (he spends the weekend at her house and previously if he bought anything during the weekend, he would leave it there and say he would "get it next time", but he never would take it home so the junk would pile up at my mom's). After saying over and over and over to her that it isn't a good deal if she doesn't actually NEED it or won't use it, and illustrating the money wasted in various ways, I think she finally does GET what the issues are. I think it is still constantly challenging for her, but she is working hard on it. I did end up telling her that we wouldn't stay with her when we visit if her home continued to deteriorate in the manner it was (my husband has terrible allergies and he really suffered there), nor would we ever bring grandkids to her house in that state. I don't know what specifically is responsible for the change - I haven't ever asked in those terms.

ETA: I agree with Steph and Fenway about the stigma, and how that extends to families. Hardly anyone who knows me knows this aspect of my life b/c I prefer not to be judged for it.

[SiValleySteph]

I did end up telling her that we wouldn't stay with her when we visit if her home continued to deteriorate in the manner it was (my husband has terrible allergies and he really suffered there), nor would we ever bring grandkids to her house in that state. I don't know what specifically is responsible for the change - I haven't ever asked in those terms.

I think this has helped my mother as well. She has two grandkids now and she really wants us all to come and stay there, but it's not really feasible with the state it is in now. She is really trying. It's slow going at this point.

[kedzieb]

I think people with pack-rat tendancies could easily slip into hoarding if something bad happened to them or their lives become too overwhelming. As an example, my parents aren't hoarders, but they had 3 kids and their house ended up being filled with more stuff than they needed. But the common areas and bedrooms were fine - it was mainly the garage and downstairs storage room that was full of stuff.

2 summers ago, my husband, brother and a friend of ours (no clue why he volunteered, but he was a huge help) all helped my parents clean out their garage. It had seemed a ridiculously daunting task (and also embarassing to my mom especially) so they never started it. But with all of us there, we pulled everything out and sorted what to keep/toss/sell (thanks, clean sweep!) on Saturday and on Sunday had a big yard sale and listed things on Craigslist.

Since my parents weren't/aren't hoarders, just overwhelmed with the normal crap that piles up after 20+ years in a house, the clean out was sucessful. I think what helped the most though was our non-judgemental attitude and willingness to help them. Honestly, since a lot of the crap was mine and my brother's, we felt responsible to help them.

I'd like to help clear out the storage room this summer, especially since it abuts the laundry room and I know it's a pain for my parents to get things done with the way it is now. Knowing that the garage is still relatively free of crap makes me feel good about helping them.

Sometimes I feel like hoarders are literally trying to fill a void with things. It's a problem that only occurs in a wealthy capitalist society and seems to be getting more common in the US. I'm sure uncertainty about war and the economy must affect how many people become hoarders. I hope everyone that knows someone who hoards will try to help them and not see them as just messy or lazy - I really think there's a lot more to it than that.

[laura]

Sometimes I feel like hoarders are literally trying to fill a void with things. It's a problem that only occurs in a wealthy capitalist society and seems to be getting more common in the US. I'm sure uncertainty about war and the economy must affect how many people become hoarders. I hope everyone that knows someone who hoards will try to help them and not see them as just messy or lazy - I really think there's a lot more to it than that.

I know what you are saying here, but I'm not necessarily sure I agree. People who are actually hoarders that I am aware of have a psychological problem that is not "current", if that makes sense. That is to say - my mom has always had the leanings but in the past it has been at odds with her other large psychological issue which is pleasing people. The hoarding tendencies did not please my dad, so my mom was just shy of a normal level of crap collection when I was a kid. When they got divorced, she could "free" her tendency b/c there was no one there to "check" it against, and things got worse. Repeat.

I think it is more related to the personal psyche of the person than it is a 'societal' issue. I mean it isn't acceptable in society to be this way, and my mom does feel appropriately embarrassed about it thus she would never invite over people from work, etc. What is going on in the larger scope of the world has zero effect on whether my mom feels like hoarding or not. I think she is trying to fill a void with things, but only sort of. I think that is an oversimplification of a broader issue.

[kedzieb]

I know what you are saying here, but I'm not necessarily sure I agree. People who are actually hoarders that I am aware of have a psychological problem that is not "current", if that makes sense. That is to say - my mom has always had the leanings but in the past it has been at odds with her other large psychological issue which is pleasing people. The hoarding tendencies did not please my dad, so my mom was just shy of a normal level of crap collection when I was a kid. When they got divorced, she could "free" her tendency b/c there was no one there to "check" it against, and things got worse. Repeat.

I think it is more related to the personal psyche of the person than it is a 'societal' issue. I mean it isn't acceptable in society to be this way, and my mom does feel appropriately embarrassed about it thus she would never invite over people from work, etc. What is going on in the larger scope of the world has zero effect on whether my mom feels like hoarding or not. I think she is trying to fill a void with things, but only sort of. I think that is an oversimplification of a broader issue.

I agree that the causes of it are most likely personal, but I still feel like there has to be stuff for the hoarder to buy in order for them to have so much stuff. Our culture society does encourage buying a lot of stuff we don't need.

It's like when I go shopping, I get a thrill out of getting a bargain. The store is full of huge signs showing me more bargains, the salesclerk is excited for me. It's a rush. But at the same time I don't feel the need to buy 20 of that bargain.

So I toally agree with you that it's far more a personal issue and says much more about whatever your mom's life is like. And still I think there has to be a certain environment in order for so many hoarders to exist. I guess it could also have to do with more people living alone and living longer too. I'm certainly not thinking people are consciously thinking "Gee America has a ton of stuff and I need it all" but I also think it might make it more possible and likely that we'll have more hoarders here.

[diam124]

People who are actually hoarders that I am aware of have a psychological problem that is not "current", if that makes sense.....
I think it is more related to the personal psyche of the person than it is a 'societal' issue. I mean it isn't acceptable in society to be this way, and my mom does feel appropriately embarrassed about it thus she would never invite over people from work, etc. What is going on in the larger scope of the world has zero effect on whether my mom feels like hoarding or not. I think she is trying to fill a void with things, but only sort of. I think that is an oversimplification of a broader issue.


I agree. Hoarding is absolutely part of the Obsessive Compulsive spectrum of disorders. I have been in treatment for a different OC disorder for over a year now and not only is it REALLY tough to overcome, it is hard for other people to fully understand. I also feel like hoarding is very misunderstood and still not socially acceptable. So many people claim to have OCD tendencies that it almost has become acceptable. I can't even count how many times I've heard people say that they have some OCD-like behavior. You don't hear the same comments about hoarding though. Anyway, I think the root is definitely psychological and not societal.

[kedzieb]

I'm sure you guys with actual experience with hoarders have much more insight than I do. I wasn't trying to be offensive, just looking at the broader picture.

[mrselle]

My MIL is a hoarder and it has gotten progressively worse over the years. Imagine the pictures that Fenway posted, only worse. I can tell she is embarassed by it because she doesn't want us to come inside her house. There's an entire room in the house that I have never seen because the door has always been closed. DH says that it is a room filled with "stuff". There are pathways to get to where she would need to go like the bed, toilet and shower. She has a boyfriend now and I suspect she spends a fair amount of time at his place. I don't know if he's ever seen her place. They are planning to move in together and I wonder if things will change.

I think DH has a mild form of it. When he and I moved in together I was doing some cleaning and came across receipts that were four and five years old. These were receipts for things that he couldn't possibly return. One was for a bottle of wine he bought in California, another was for a CD. He still has a difficult time throwing away receipts, but he keeps everything to a confined area because I can't stand clutter and I really don't like paper.

[Daisy]

I know a hoarder...he hoards newspapers (years and years worth of them that he hasn't read yet), books, gear and clothing. He'll find a shirt and buy 5 or 10 of them, but yet always wear the same one and never the others. He'll buy cans and cans of food or some other non-perishable because it's on sale b/c he thinks he may need a 3 month supply of food any day now. He has every type of backpack (for hiking / climbing) that he'll never use because of his age / health and they still have the tags on them...etc. He keeps old plastic drink bottles so he can reuse them, despite having 20-30 travel mugs/bottles. Thankfully, he is financially well-off and has yet to put himself in the hole w/ his spending habits, but it is scary.

[stevesbabygirl]

DH's parents are hoarders. They have this big living room that is closed off, and it used to be full of crap. Clothes from when DH was a baby, lots of his toys, sports stuff, empty boxes, etc. His dad has old car magazines from the 70s. His mom finally had enough of it, and cleaned out the living room.

[Winter Biscuit]

My great-aunt was a hoarder, and my dad and his sister had to step in and get social services involved. She was eventually moved to an assisted living home.

My great aunt's home was very much like what Fenway described, and the pictures pretty much look the way my aunt's house did, too. And, just like Fenway's grandmother, my aunt had once been the perfect housewife and kept a spotless home, until she got sick. Then things went downhill very fast.

It was a very sad situation, and it was really hard for everyone involved. My dad and his sister were only doing what was best for their aunt, yet she turned against them and accused them of some really awful things. It was heartbreaking. The only thing that brought comfort to anyone was reminding ourselves over and over again that great-aunt was sick and we were helping her.

Great-aunt went through the mail order stage, she had packages, magazines, and all kinds of other stuff ALL over the counters and on every square inch of counter space. It was so bad that one day she turned the stove on to warm a kettle for tea, and started a small fire in the kitchen because there was so much STUFF hoarded on top of the stove.

[myshel]

DH's grandmother is a hoarder. She even had a second garage built to hold her stuff. I never believed DH about how bad it was, but then he took me to the bsement where there were 6 refridgerators-- 4 didn't work but 2 did.

I think DH's gradnmother's issue is a bit different than most hoarders. She was born and raised in a very small Central American country where there was no electricty. She never had anything growing up or as a young adult raising two children in that environment. I think once she came to the States and could accumulate stuff, she kept everything.

To be fair, she does occassionally collect huge amounts of one item (sewing machines and fabric one year) to put on a purchased bus, with the goal of sending it back to her village. She hasn't done that in a few years, because according to her, "the gangs are too bad now."

[kk junebug]

i have a friend who is a MILD hoarder (nothing compared to what I"ve read here though!)
she saves boxes for YEARS! boxes for appliances, clothes, etc.
Recently her vacuum broke and she was SO mad that she tossed out the box to the vacuum (in hopes of returning it?) and she even admitted that "this is why i save boxes and everyone things i'm crazy".....she also saves TV guides, xmas cards and clothes/shoes she KNOWS she'll never wear again.

i am convinced she has mild OCD because she also takes 5 minutes to step onto an escalator. she always needs to find the "right time" to step on.....

I supposed she could be categorized as being a pack-rat, more so than a hoarder though. her MOM is also a pack-rat so i'll assume thats where she gets it from...

[strawberry4]

MIL is a hoarder. She is pretty bad. The main floor of their house is generally clean. However, open a cabinet or closet and it is a different story. We have stopped staying over because DH's childhood bedroom is filled with boxes and crap. It is clean, but cluttered. There is no room to move at all. I know she scrambles to clean when family visit. Her basement and garage is a completely different story. It is 10x worse than Fenway's pictures.

DH snuck me down to the basement to see it because I did not believe him. Oh my. Basically, crap is thrown down there and is floor to ceiling. There is a small path leading to the washer/dryer. I know there has to be mice and tons of mold down there. It is really sad. Basically, she buys crap and it ends up in the "archives" as FIL calls it. She saves EVERYTHING. She has every toy and every piece of clothing DH and his brother ever wore. I mean, this stuff is 40 years old. She has just about every newspaper and magazine for the last few decades. She saves every box and bag. She has just about every egg carton and coffee tin she has ever bought. It is pretty bad. I realized it was bad when I saw 2 huge bags of old pill bottles in their garage. She must have seen my eyes because she said "oh, I don't throw those out because I don't want people seeing what medicines I am on". Ummm....take off the label and shred it.

Anyhow, anytime anyone says anything, she cries and the subject is changed. I do think it is a mental illness and feel bad for her. Basically because she has bought crap for the last 2o years when her kids left for college, she is not having as nice of a retirement because she wasted money instead of putting it away in savings/investments. I could go on and on. I think being exposed to her illness has caused me to go to the other extreme and throw crap out. DH likes to save stuff but it is nothing like his mom. I will not allow it. I am a minimalist and hate clutter. I get clausterphobic at their house. I feel like I am in knick knack throw up!! There are knick knacks everywhere. A few years ago, DH found a Bart Simpson figurine in his closet at his parents and said he was going to sell it on ebay. MIL made a comment that we should keep that and display it in our living room. I had to bite my lip to not laugh. Umm, yeah, that will go great with my pottery barn decor! DH also had a lifesize yoda she thought would look great in the corner of the living room!!

I feel so much better writing about this. At times it is funny because it is so ridiculous, but at the same time, I can see how it hurts FIL and takes away from joy in their lives. She has gotten better since retirement because they cannot afford for her to buy crap. I just worry what will happen when FIL passes away....it will get much worse.

I wish I could find the pictures, you would not believe it.

[Yvangeline]

I've come into contact with a number of hoarders, both in my line of work (residential mental health) and in my personal life. I'm working on putting together a training on it for my co-workers. A professor from my alma mater (Smith College), Randy Frost, has done a lot of research on the subject, and has contributed to this Web site: http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/index.php.

I read an article somewhere that talked about how there seem to be a lot of connections between hoarding and ADHD, but I can't find it now...

[rachrich]

My MIL is a horder as well. You'd never know it because she always looks beautifully put together and her main living areas are acceptable. However if you open a cabinet to pull out a glass you will find a shelf of glasses and the rest of the cabinet will be a total wall of junk. If you look under the bathroom sink it's a sea of Estee Lauder Gifts with Purchase

This reminds me of MIL to some degree. There are stacks of stuff everywhere, but it's livable, and then boom! you open a cupboard or somewhere and stuff is overflowing. FIL gives her a hard time about all her "crap" but he's just as bad. Their basement is a mess, so bad that FIL won't let anyone go down there except him and MIL. Yet, they don't seem to be doing anything about it - they keep saying they're going to get rid of stuff and have a yard sale...yada yada. I love my IL's dearly but whenever we leave their house I always tell DH...if I ever get that bad (at hoarding and collecting junk) please shoot me. I don't know how they can live like that.

MIL is one of those who buys something just cause it's a "good deal" and that's a big part of the problem. They have so many good deals of junk items, but it just sits around and instead is a waste of money! DH and I joke - and have joked with IL's as well, that we're gonna call Clean Sweep (on TLC) on them and help them clean up their mess. They sort of chuckle, but deep down they've told me that a lot of stuff was from when their sons were growing up and there are so many memories in a lot of the stuff that they can't get rid of. To me, memories just aren't in material objects, but are in your heart and mind. Yes there are some items that are worth keeping for memory's sake...but not every single thing!

[steph111397]

My Aunt (mom's oldest sister) is a hoarder. Like many have said, in the past, she was always the "perfect" housekeeper. Her house was ALWAYS spotless.

She went through a divorce and re-living her youth when her youngest was a teenager. Since re-marrying and the youngest grew up and moved out, she stopped playing the "perfect" housekeeper role.

Her husband is a pastor and owns a house painting business...so not a lot of $$ coming in. They are SO far in debt he will NEVER be able to retire.

There is not ONE room in her house that is "clutter-free". There are 12 inch paths in every.single.room. The house itself is clean as far as no dirty dishes, dirty bathroom, mold, etc... just stuff everywhere and in piles. They have 2 off-site storage units that are jam packed. 2 storage sheds in the back that are jam packed. Their house is about 2500 sq.ft. and like I said, is jammed packed. She buys everything! She does the "buying of multiple things". They have 4 lawn mowers - all never used. 5 vacuum cleaners - again, all never used. clothes upon knick knacks upon clothes upon knick knacks. Hers' is not a case of saving papers or whatever - it's a case of buying something EVERY.Single.day and then throwing into a pile never to be used.

We've all joked with her that once her husband is ready to retire, she could just have a huge yard sale and probably make enough to live off of the rest of their lives. It's really sad and I feel bad for her kids and grandkids and husband because they are ALL so embarrassed by the situation - but she is not. She is perfectly happy having all of her "stuff".

Unfortunately, I think her husband is ready to leave the situation not only due to the hoarding but also the financial burden it has put on him. The poor man is in such bad health because of the stress of the situation.

I think her hoarding has more to do with depression than anything else. She sleeps until noon everyday, getting up just in time to go out to lunch and shopping. She is late for every event - even sunday church services. She is the biggest procrastinator I have ever known. I love her to death, but I'm really worried about her and her husband's futures.:confused: