PDA

View Full Version : Helping a 4yr with a move


Renrel
01-16-2008, 11:37 AM
We are moving in about a month to a new house. We have lived in a near by apartment since before ds was born. I am looking for pointers on making the transition as smooth as possible.


The move in many respects is not that difficult. DS will continue to go to the same preschool and we don't have alot of friends in our present neighborhood. But it will still be a big change. DS is very fond of our upstairs neightbor (a single guy who gets a kick out of playing with DS every now and then) and our downstairs neighbor's cat who come to visit us all the time (DS thinks the cat is ours). Our apartment is big so we can't play up how he will now have a big new bedroom. The backyard will be better, but he does not see any problem with our present yard. He has a playroom next to the kitchen right now. In the new house he will have the basement as a playroom, which is bigger and will allow for more active play but will be more removed from the rest of the house. He will be able to be noisier in the new house since there are no neighbors to disturb. There are kids in the neighborhood who he will hopefully become friends with but since he is in preschool full time meeting people will take time. The neighborhood should be great but we may not be able to take much advantage till spring. The yard backs onto a golf course which is a cross country ski place in the winter and we are about 1.5 blocks from a small playground and ball fields. The neighborhood is quiet and DS will be able to ride his bike in the street when he is a bit older.

I know the recommendation is to take DS room apart last and set it up first.

I think we will get him a real bed for his new room. He has a mattress on the floor right now. Maybe even a midloft with a playarea underneith. DS sleeps on pillows on the floor or in a chair half the time anyway.

My parents will hopeful be around to help in whatever way necessary.

We plan to let DS throw a kiddy housewarming once we are set up in the house. He came up with the idea. He calls it a playdate party.

We already took DS tricker treating in the new neighborhood and that helped alot to winning him over as far as moving.

DS teacher helped DS to realize many of his friends at school live in the town we are moving too, though not in the same neighborhood or grade school district.

I have bought a few books about moving.

I am not sure what else to do or how to handle the actual day of the move, or the days right around then. DS mostly seems to be excited about the move but he has days of apprehension as well.

deelcie
01-16-2008, 06:18 PM
We *just* moved, the week before Xmas (!) and DS (3.5) and DD (10 months) have settled in just fine. We had very short notice so I don't think we even did 1/4 of what you have already done. Kids are so adaptable to change, I think it traumatized DH and I way more than them. Granted, both of them have done a lot of long-term travel and we only moved a few blocks away but both of them barely noticed, DD probably not at all. DS does still ask to drive by his old house on the way to the grocery store but I think it's mostly out of curiosity, there is no sense of longing in his voice. We told him maybe 2 days before that we were moving and that he would have a bigger room and more of a back yard (both true) but that he would still be at the same preschool, which just started up after summer school last Monday anyways.

The day of the move, he got a big kick out of helping the movers tape up the boxes and "labeling" them--the movers would write what was in the box and then hand over the marker to DS who would scribble his translation right next to their writing. :)

Sorry I don't have better advice...like I said, it was VERY short notice so we had no time to prepare ourselves but the kids adapted better than anyone. I think you've done a lot, can't imagine there's much more than what you've already done/discussed. Good luck! :)

SiValleySteph
01-17-2008, 11:04 AM
We moved this summer and really we didn't do any of the things to prepare. It wasn't a big deal for DS at all. He was excited about the new house because we now have a yard. He still goes to the same daycare and sees all the same friends, so there wasn't any change in that respect.

He was also involved in house hunting and getting the old house ready to sell, so he knew everything that was going on.

Only recently (6 months later) had he said that he misses the old house. The funny thing is that we drive by the old house everyday on the way home from daycare. :)

mamax2
01-17-2008, 12:58 PM
We moved when my oldest was 3 (and when she was 18 months and before that when she was 5 weeks). It really wasn't that big of a deal to her either. She had been to the house a bunch (we built it), we let her help pick the paint color for her room. She was a little apprehensive about being far away from us at first (other end of a much longer hall) and we put a baby monitor in her room which seemed to give her some security that we would hear her if she needed us.

I think it would/will be *much* harder to move again once she's actually made friends (real friends) in school. I think that's a lot tougher than just having a physical change of address.

jajacobsen
01-17-2008, 01:43 PM
How about inviting teh single neighbor guy over every once in a while for a nice meal (what bachelor wouldn't appreciate that?!) and possibly get a cat once things have settled from the move?

I know you are planning a lot of renovations, which can be stressful. Children take their cues from their parents. If you and your DH are stressed or apprehensive about the move, tyour child will be as well. If you are excited and happy about it, then that will go a long way to making him be that way as well.

nancy drew
01-17-2008, 03:14 PM
we moved when dd was 3.5 and she was fine. im not sure i ever brought the kids here before we moved in, but i brought them to another house we were potentially moving into. i made sure to tell her that we would put all of her stuff in boxes, and all the boxes would come with us to the new house. she did start at a new school as we were in a whole new area, but that was fine with her too. i really didnt read any books or do much else, other than talking to her about it now and then (but not overdoing it, because that would create anxiety).

Renrel
01-18-2008, 09:00 AM
Thank you for all the suggestions. Glad to hear all your moves went smoothly. Ours probably will too. We have been house hunting with DS for about 2 years now and he has been to the new house several times. One unfortunate issue was the things he liked best about the house had to be removed in the renovations. So far he has not commented on them, but he has not been able to run around the way he had before due to the on going construction so he may not have realised the changes made. He mostly commented on how he did not like the mess. He started incorperating the move into his play about a month ago. Playing that a pop up house is his moving truck or having the dinasaurs at school move from a doll house to a castle in a pirate ship. So he is thinking about it all and trying to process what it will mean.

shortcake
01-18-2008, 03:04 PM
You sound really well prepared, and it seems like your DS gets what is going on. I think he'll be fine with it and love the new house. I was interested to read Steph's comment that her DS noticed it about 6 months later...I felt like my DD also seemed totally fine with everything until a few months passed and she realized we were not going back. But in our case we were moving from another state, so she misses her friends from back there. So just be patient and know it is a transition that may take a while to hit all it's stages. By now, when we mention an upcoming vacation to Seattle, DD gets nervous because she doesn't want to leave California! So she's come full circle.

pocket
01-18-2008, 03:19 PM
When we moved internationally I was almost 4 and my mom bonded me to a lovey - my teddy bear who went everywhere with me. I literally did not fly without him for the next 20 years. My husband's mom did the same thing with his blankie when they moved internationally when he was 2 1/2.

ETA see, that should teach me to read more carefully. never mind. too bad I can't delete.

alienhost
01-21-2008, 01:56 PM
You sound totally prepared but I saw this in Parenting magazine, but your DS might be too old for it.

The parents said they had their 2.5 year old "play moving day" with a Little People type house and a truck. They packed some of the furniture in little boxes and loaded them on the truck and moved them and unloaded them. If he's still into LP play that might be a nice way to talk about and simulate a mini-move.

good luck!

Renrel
01-21-2008, 07:07 PM
Alienhost- I like the concept alot but DS was never into little people and rarely allows us to script his play to that degree. It always had to be his idea. But I think he has found his own way to incorporate the move into his play.