Life is not so good

[Cali*Girl]

I guess more than anything, I just need to get this out.

First, we are in the middle of selling our home and buying a new one. As I am off for the summer, I have taken on a lot of the responsibility that goes along with these processes. Not to mention, I've had it with the realtor for the house we are moving too. I've been contacting him for weeks now about our inspection and settlement. He drops two bombs on me today...our inspection is tomorrow and our mortgage commitment deadline is tomorrow. I don't have the mortgage paperwork back yet, because I did not know when the deadline was. Would have been nice to ask me a week ago how things were going.

Second, my parents had a fight which resulted in a very quiet 10 hour car ride. This happens often and was the major reason I never wanted to go on the trip in the first place. However, it seems to be much worse than I thought...my mother is talking about leaving my father. Now, my sister and I have often discussed why we don't understand why they aren't divorced, but my sister is devastated. I called her and she was in tears. I think she's upset with me too, because my mother is. It's a long story, but my parents put me in the middle of their argument, as they usually do, and I didn't take sides, which I normally don't, and that upset my mother.

Third, I'm starting a new position 2 days after we make settlement on the houses. I'm not ready for this at all and I need my life to be a little less stressful.

Fourth, my DH and I are having difficulties..or I am. I'm not sure. I really don't want to go into details, but I don't know what to do.

Top this off with depresson, anxiety and OCD and I'm just about to lose it.

[lawyerlee]

It does sound like you have a lot weighing on your mind. I'm so sorry. :(

Definitely express how frustrated you are to your realtor. It sounds like his handling of things has been quite unprofessional.

Even though you and your sister have been aware of your parents marital problems, that doesn't make it any easier to face the possibility that they may separate or divorce. And I think that we believe that it shouldn't be a big deal for our parents to break up after we're out on our own, but it is!

Have you considered finding a professional to talk to about what's going on in your life? I've been doing that since April, and I can't express how much it has helped me. I think it is really important to have a neutral person to talk through things with when life is really weighing you down.

Even though I don't know what is going on between you and your husband, I'd like to encourage you to turn toward each other rather than against each other. If there is anything you can do to work together on your problems, it is worth it to give that a shot.

Take care of yourself. I hope things get better for you.

[Asha]

i can understand why you are upset. you have some of the most stressful things happening to you at one time. i think it's somewhat common for couples to argue more about things when they are buying a home. it's a huge change.

i'm sorry your parents always put you in the middle. it sounds like you are being smart by staying out of it.

also, you might have to be very firm with the realtor. i had to do that on more than one occassion bc she would constantly drop the ball.

eventhough, you have a milliion things going on make sure to take time to do things that are enjoyable to you.

[keska]

{{HUGS}} You'll get through this. You have the strength to get through the stress without losing it. Do at least one thing that makes you really happy today, such as stopping for coffee or ice cream or taking a relaxing bath tonight. I find that even little rewards can help me get through seriously rough moments.

[Marie]

Don't you hate it when it all piles on at once? This will pass. You will get through this. Just hang in there, take it one day at a time and try not to get overwhelmed with any one thing.

(((HUGS)))

[Cali*Girl]

Thank you all for your responses. It helps to know that it's understandable for me to feel a little stressed right now.

I have spoken with professionals twice in my life. The most recent I just didn't click with...I found it very difficult for me to open up to them. I should go back or go to someone else. I guess I'm just afraid of not making progress.

Unfortunately, there's more to my DH's and I's problems than the move.

Okay, I need to go take care of the mortgage paperwork issue and then perhaps a conversation with my mother is in order.

[KrissyCat7]

Im so sorry you are going through all of this. It seems like one thing happens, everything starts to fall apart. I dont have a lot of advice except for that you should take time for yourself. Time to unwind. Whatever it is that makes you feel better, do it.

I would try a new therapist. Sometimes it just helps to have someone to talk to. If you dont like the first one, keep trying until you find one you do like.

Things always do get better, so just know that in time, it will get better.

[kemaji]

I'm so sorry that everything seems to be falling apart all at once. I would like to agree with previous posters that it sounds like finding a new therapist to speak with might be helpful. Hopefully, you'll click easier with them.

I can understand your sister's reaction to your parent's marital difficulties as my parents throughout their marriage went through more than one very rough patch. I can remember them bringing up the subject of divorce a few times and even though I conceptually understood that they were unhappy, it was still very difficult to think about my parents divorcing. The last time it was brought up was when I was in college and then it was more of a hypothetical, as in who knows what will happen in a year and while I was more than old enough to grasp that it wasn't about me, or how they may be happier going separate ways, I still got extremely upset. Who really wants to see their parents separate?

Happily, my parents were able to work their issues out and are still together (and doing better than ever). I'm sure that if you are there just to listen to your sister that will help.

[Sposa06]

I'm sorry I can't do anything to help you! I can just offer hugs, and tell you that there is nothing you can't get through. Definitely talk to your mom. It is immature of your parents to involve you in their arguments. If you have the time, I'd look for another therapist. Or maybe a girlfriend, a terrible-but-good movie and a pint of Ben and Jerry's. You don't have to get into all your problems, but it might feel better to indulge and share a little. Good luck!

[Cali*Girl]

I spoke with my mother. She feels by my not saying anything that I supported my father. I do understand how she could feel that way. She is very upset with my father and does not see or does not want to see how she might have played a part in the argument at all. I think she's still upset with me, but we made progress. I was very upset at the time because she again told me how much I'm like my father. After years of hearing all of his faults, this does not go over very well. I don't know where things will go from here, but at least hope my mother and I are on better terms to deal with whatever is coming.

I think I will call a counselor and make an appointment. Hopefully, my DH will come with me for me, because I think he needs to understand where I'm coming from and maybe someone outside of the marraige can give him a different perspective.

I really appreciate you all listening.

[julietchicago]

Stop...and take a deep breath...and another...you will get through this. I'm sorry you are feeling so stressed :(

Moving is very stressful and if your realtor is being a pain it doesn't make it any easier. Don't be afraid to contact the broker/manager at your realtor's office and express your concerns. (assuming he/she does not work for themselves)

Try not to get stuck in the middle of your parents relationship. Your mom shouldn't be mad at you for not saying anything, why should you get in the middle and take sides? You have your own marriage to deal with and if you are having problems...they need to come 1st above anything else.

Like I said, just breathe and know that you will get through all of this. Nobody said life was easy, and this is one of those times that your strength is being tested ;)

[hub1176]

I'm sorry you're having such a difficult time. ITA a new counselor may be able to help put things in perspective for you. As for your parents I would seriously consider limiting contact with them - you don't need their stress too. Life is too short to be unhappy.

[Cali*Girl]

Thanks all.

My mother and father talked. Things are better, but my mother still plans to go to counseling.

I'm still stressed about the house(s) and the job. I'm trying to not worry so much about the situation with DH. I still think I'll go to a counselor and see if I can get him to join me so if nothing else, he can better understand me.