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udsweetpea
12-09-2007, 06:45 PM
What do you say in a Christmas card to someone who has lost a loved one this year? Or if they're losing someone really soon? I know their Christmas won't be "merry" or "wonderful". So, what do you write in the card?

ejs
12-09-2007, 06:47 PM
I would just tell them that I'm thinking of them and to call me if they need anything.

miel
12-09-2007, 06:54 PM
I agree with EJS but I would make it as strong as possible. So that they know they really can call you.

Reenie
12-09-2007, 07:10 PM
It depends upon how close you are with the person/what the relationship is. For someone I'm close with, I might say something like, "This holiday, I hope that you can enjoy some happy memories of holidays past. Know that you can call me anytime." The point being that of course they have happy memories with the lost loved one and those should be cherished, too.

HeatherFL
12-09-2007, 07:15 PM
If I was close to the person I would write about cherishing memories of past while creating new ones with loved ones. I'd let them know I was thinking of them, and they can reach out to you whenver they need to.

~H.

lml41981
12-09-2007, 11:24 PM
Just me...but I'm actively trying *not* to think about my grandmother this Christmas. As such, a note about enjoying past memories would probably upset me.

Do you know if the person is the type who needs to think about the loved one for peace or the type who needs to not think about the loved one? If she's the former, then the memories thing is good. If she's the latter, then I'd just tell her you are thinking of her and wishing her well this holiday season.

jenahdawn
12-09-2007, 11:26 PM
"I hope this holiday season is gentle on you." ?

ejs
12-09-2007, 11:30 PM
Just me...but I'm actively trying *not* to think about my grandmother this Christmas. As such, a note about enjoying past memories would probably upset me.

Do you know if the person is the type who needs to think about the loved one for peace or the type who needs to not think about the loved one? If she's the former, then the memories thing is good. If she's the latter, then I'd just tell her you are thinking of her and wishing her well this holiday season.

I agree. When my mom died, I appreciated the stories about her that were in condolence cards, but not at the holidays. It hurt to have some people recall how much my mom loved the holidays, what a good hostess she was, etc. I was struggling to get through the holidays without her and those sentiments just made it harder. I appreciated hearing from the people who just told me that they were thinking about me.

But as lml said, everyone is different.

Avalon
12-10-2007, 06:29 AM
Like ejs said, I'd reference the loved one in a condolence card but not in a holiday card. I would take pains not to wish a Merry Christmas or a Happy Holiday, but would use more neutral description words like have a peaceful Christmas, or sending warm wishes this holiday season.

udsweetpea
12-10-2007, 07:12 AM
Just me...but I'm actively trying *not* to think about my grandmother this Christmas. As such, a note about enjoying past memories would probably upset me.


This is exactly what I was thinking. Our friends lost their baby in January, and I didn't know if mentioning her would be a thoughtful thing to do or not. And then my aunt lost her 37 year old daughter in January very suddenly. She's the type of person who wants attention, so I thought I'd better include something about her daughter in the card. And then there's my friend who is watching her father-in-law die (probably in a few days). Its hard figuring out what to say.

Missy2U
12-10-2007, 07:16 AM
Just me...but I'm actively trying *not* to think about my grandmother this Christmas. As such, a note about enjoying past memories would probably upset me.

Ditto. I lost my father the day after Christmas a few years ago - and it was the day before my parent's 49th wedding anniversary - none of us wanted any reminders in holiday cards. "Thinking of you and wishing you peace this holiday" went a long way and was appreciated. Specific reminders were painful.

jennylou
12-10-2007, 07:22 AM
This is exactly what I was thinking. Our friends lost their baby in January, and I didn't know if mentioning her would be a thoughtful thing to do or not. And then my aunt lost her 37 year old daughter in January very suddenly. She's the type of person who wants attention, so I thought I'd better include something about her daughter in the card. And then there's my friend who is watching her father-in-law die (probably in a few days). Its hard figuring out what to say.

For both of those, I'd probably say that I hope that they had a peaceful holiday season.

tenofcups
12-10-2007, 09:15 AM
Not exactly the same, but similar concept: My sister had an extremely difficult time this year. On her recent birthday card, I wrote: "I hope the coming year brings peace and happiness."

I'd write something similar on a holiday card in this situation.

EJH
12-10-2007, 11:17 AM
ITA with Jennylou about the peaceful holiday season...

jbemommy
12-10-2007, 12:23 PM
DH's brother's son died recently, and in their Christmas card, I just wrote, "We're thinking of and praying for you especially this year." It was hard to know what exactly to say as I'm sure this Christmas will be very difficult.

AHammer
12-10-2007, 03:53 PM
I definitely agree that specifically bringing up a recent or upcoming loss would be kind, but possibly too much. We're in the process of watching MIL pass from cancer, and really, all we want are normal Christmas cards wishing us a merry christmas - it's encouragement to still enjoy this time of year even if it might be difficult.

I think what JennyLou and TenofCups wrote is appropriate.