If no innner envelope, where does "and guest" go?

[wander_woman]

We'd like to forego the inner envelope, but we'd like to give single guests the option of bringing a date. Do I just put "and guest" on the outer envelope? On the same line as the addressee name or on a separate line? I've never seen it done and it seems a bit weird to me to put "and guest" on the outer envelope. On the other hand, the inner envelope seems entirely extraneous to me. Thanks!

[sublime311]

Found this here (http://foreverwed1.com/articles/invitations/1254861d.html) for you:

Q. I am making the wedding invitations for my brothers wedding. The kit we bought only contains 1 envelope. How do I go about addressing these as there is no inner and outer.

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A. This is awkward only in a couple instances, and you will have to decide based on the relationship to the guests, size of the guest list, formality of the wedding and your social circle which solutions would
work best.

For the bulk of the guests, you will use the formal "Mr. and Mrs." for the addresses, just as you would if there was an inner. Obviously, you would use Dr. or other titles as appropriate.

In general, on formal invitations, you do not use the phrase "and family" when an invitation is sent to include a couple and their children. However, in many communities in the western and middle US, an addressing like "The John Jones Family" would be acceptable under the circumstances, to indicate all are invited. I'm not sure what would be appropriate in Canada, since in some things Canadians seem to be more proper, and in others they seem more casual.

Perhaps the trickiest situation is invitations sent to only a few people at one address (not the entire family living there) and invitations to single people when you will allow/encourage them to bring a guest.

I imagine the most formal way to handle the former would be to put "Mr. and Mrs. John Jones" and on the next line "Miss Janice Jones and Mr. Jake Jones" for example, if a couple and their eldest children were to
be included.

For a single guest who will be encouraged to bring a date, certainly it would look tacky to address it to "Mr. John Jones and Guest" (and there is some controversy about the appropriate wording of this sort of situation even on inner envelopes). If you know who the guest will bring (a steady date of some sort) then address the invitation to "Mr. John Jones and Miss Jane Smith" at Mr. Jones' address, or find out Miss Smith's address and invite her separately.

If you don't know who they would be bringing, you might either plan to speak to them personally to let them know a date is welcome, or you could write "Mr. John Jones and guest" on the RSVP card for him. He can then fill out the accept or regret and the number attending-- one if he chooses not to bring a date, or two if he chooses to. It's not traditional, but it might well work under the circumstances.

Good luck--

Sara Ambarian --Staff expert-- Foreverwed.com
author of "A Bride's Touch: A Handbook of Wedding Personality and
Inspiration"/
creative consultant/custom bridal designer
mailto:sara@foreverwed.com
For more wedding information:
http://www.foreverwed.com/~sara

[tenofcups]

Our invites were oversized and "modern formal" and didn't come with the option of an inner envelope. We just put "And Guest" on the outer. It's clear and easy to understand and I couldn't see any reason to jump through hoops to find another way to do it.

[Squee]

Were not having an inner envelope but are having a belly band instead. Its is a thin band around the invite, rsvp card and envelope. So well will have it written on the outsede envelope Mr. H manley and on the belly band will have harold & guest...

[DianaFaye]

Our invites were oversized and "modern formal" and didn't come with the option of an inner envelope. We just put "And Guest" on the outer. It's clear and easy to understand and I couldn't see any reason to jump through hoops to find another way to do it.

That's what we did. I'd also like to say that I think the word TACKY should be banned from wedding vocabulary. I know that the info was pulled from a source (not the poster) but I just had to get it out. :o

[jen]

I put everything on the front of the main envelope... I didn't care what it looked like, I was going to be very clear who this invitation was intended for.... one family had 4 kids... all their names went right on there:

Joe, Sue, Mary, David, Tim & Carey Jones
111 Any St.
Somewhere, USA 54634

For single people with a guest, I just wrote on the envelope:
Sue Jones & Guest
111 Main St.
Blah Blah, UT, 16546

However, my invitations/wedding were not super formal.

good luck!

[PG-rated]

It's not technically appropriate to put "and Guest" anywhere on the invitation - outer OR inner envelope. You're supposed to either find out what the date's name is, or invite the person by themselves and then contact him/her separately to indicate that dates are welcome (that's what we did). But lots of people do it, so most people won't think twice about seeing it written that way. I personally think it looks odd on an outer envelope, but wouldn't be offended by it (unless I felt that you SHOULD know my date's name, like when I got an "and Guest" invite from my cousin, when DH and I had been dating for 3 years).

If you're worried about being "correct," I would just contact your single guests about a week after the invitations go in the mail to say that guests are welcome.

[Sabrina]

It's not technically appropriate to put "and Guest" anywhere on the invitation - outer OR inner envelope.

I have a copy of the most recent edition of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette by Peggy Post, and Peggy says it is ok to put "and Guest" on the inner envelope if you do not know the guest's name. This is what we did for our friends who are not in long-term relationships, as we invited everyone with a date/guest.

In response to the OP, I would go with putting "and Guest" on the outer envelope if you can't find out the name of the invitee's guest.

[tenofcups]

We also invited everyone with a date, whether they were in a committed relationship or seeing anyone special or not, so there's no way we could have put the name of their guest in certain cases when they didn't even know the name of their guest!

For anyone in a committed relationship (long-term boy/girlfriend, live-in, etc.), we confirmed the full name and spelling. I called two people to specifically ask if they preferred to have their boyfriend's name or "and guest" since in both cases, the boyfriend was new.

But several of the people we invited with guests literally didn't know or decide until the responses were due if they were bringing a guest and if so, who that person would be. So finding out the name of the "guest" before the invites went out would have been impossible.

[Sunshine]

What I did with my invitations was just write the name of the friend or relative on the outer envelope, and the only reference we put of "guest" was just on the RSVP card. I put

We have reserved ___ seat (s) for you.........

That way they knew they could bring a guest if they wanted, and I didnt have to actually write "guest" anywhere!

[PG-rated]

I have a copy of the most recent edition of Emily Post's Wedding Etiquette by Peggy Post, and Peggy says it is ok to put "and Guest" on the inner envelope if you do not know the guest's name. This is what we did for our friends who are not in long-term relationships, as we invited everyone with a date/guest.
Well, Miss Manners says it's still not OK, so I guess it depends which etiquette expert you prefer to listen to. :)

I think Tamara's solution is another good one, if you don't want to have to follow up with people after the invitations go out.

[wander_woman]

Thanks so much for all the suggestions! Still haven't decided what we'll do, but I like many of your recommendations.

[Sabrina]

Well, Miss Manners says it's still not OK, so I guess it depends which etiquette expert you prefer to listen to. :)

Guess they have to disagree somewhere! I will go with Emily since she is the tradiational source of etiquette advice;) She's been doling it out since 1922.



We have reserved ___ seat (s) for you.........

That way they knew they could bring a guest if they wanted, and I didnt have to actually write "guest" anywhere!

Personally, I don't like this option. It makes the RSVP card cluttered, and just seems a little strange to me. JMHO.

[Asha]

personally, i think that single people will be happy to have the option of bringing a guest that i don't think they will care what the ettiquette experts say is appropriate about wording.

[Sunshine]

I was only offering what I had done so she had another option. And to be truthful, the card was not cluttered at all. :( Also, my invitations were DIY pocketfolds, so the RSVP card was a little larger than most.

[Sabrina]

I was only offering what I had done so she had another option. And to be truthful, the card was not cluttered at all. :( Also, my invitations were DIY pocketfolds, so the RSVP card was a little larger than most.

I wasn't trying to offend...just giving my opinion!! :)

ETA: I have never seen an RSVP card done that way, so all I have to go on is my imagination...

[Sunshine]

I take things too personally, Sorry.....
:)

[Larissa]

Tamara - We are going to the do the "we have reserved ---- seats for you" but can't seem to find a good picture of it. Do you have an example you can post here so I can steal your ideas?! ;)

[guinevere]

Wander woman, I used the inner envelope and put "and guest" only when I had no idea of the person's name or who'd they be bringing. But if you prefer doing that on the outer envelope, I don't see anything wrong with it. I think some rules of etiquette (not all) should be thrown out. ;)

As a guest I would feel honored just to be invited and share the day with the couple and I wouldn't get all bent out of shape over how they addressed my invite.

Tamara, I like the way you did it, I wish I had thought of that!

tenofcups, that happened to me as well. We let people bring guests and some didn't decide until the RSVPs were due.

[Sunshine]

Tamara - We are going to the do the "we have reserved ---- seats for you" but can't seem to find a good picture of it. Do you have an example you can post here so I can steal your ideas?! ;)

I actually dont have a pic uploaded right now, and my digi is broken :( The day of my shower and stagette, OF COURSE! I will look and see if I have one at home to scan in...will check tonight and let you know tomorrow!

guinevere~Thanks!

[kemaji]

We didn't have a super formal wedding, we didn't have inner envelopes, nor did we put "and Guest" on the outer envelope. Since we were having a small-ish wedding, we just spread the word to people to let them know they were more than welcome to bring a guest if they wished.