Have you told anyone that you are TTC?

[Ilovemygeek]

I am having the dilemma of whether or not to tell people we are TTC. I am dying to tell people, but we have not. I know our family and friends would be excited for us, but I do not want to be asked all the time "Are you pregnant yet?" Telling coworkers is out of the question because they already tell me I am too young to start a family (I am 22) and that I should spend time doing all the things I cannot do when we have children. :rolleyes:

Anyway, I was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat. Are you keeping the fact that you are TTC a secret, telling only close family and friends, or shouting from the roof tops?

[Cohl]

My Dh and I kept it a secret just because I didn't want to be questioned on a daily basis. I was still in college and was afraid that people would lecture me on why I shouldn't do it. The way I see it, people don't need to know that you are having sex (with or without protection)..just give them about 7 months warning when they need to expect the baby! :D

PS Good Luck!

[jbenny75]

I told a few people at first. I think I only told my stepmother, Dad, and a couple of friends. When it became clear it was going to take awhile, I stopped talking about it. I guess I just didn't want people feeling sorry for me. People are constantly asking me when we're going to have kids anyway, though. IT's very annoying. But I'm 29, DH is 33, we've been dating for 12 years, married for two. People probably won't bug you too much if you're only 22.

I told my boss because I had to, to be able to leave work for dr's appointments. I really, really didn't want to, though. Cause she doesn't have kids, doesn't like them, and constantly makes remarks about how she doesn't know why people want kids. And she still does it, even though she knows my situation. Very insenstive.

If people asking prying, insensitive questions and offering up unwanted opinions bugs you, then keep TTC to yourself. You won't believe the things people have the nerve to ask you or say to you. If you're okay with it, share away. Maybe just share it with a close friend or family member to get it off of your chest?

[Mystikal]

So far other than my online friends and my best friend that lives in Iowa (I'm in NY) the only person besides my DH (of course) that knows we are TTC is my sister. She's younger than me (barely 13) but she knows how excited I am to start a family and she knows the lack of support I get from my parents (who are always telling me that I'm not ready to have a baby. I'm 25.) She's a great support system. She always asks when I'm testing again, and always tells me what a great mom I will be. :)

[Wrighty26]

My closest friends know-- but that's about it. My mom knows that we have been thinking about it (she's in denial though- she says she not ready to be a grandmother), as do my brothers and my dad. Dan never tells his family anything-- so I'll be surprised if when I do get pregnant he mentions it them! (kidding...well, kinda)

My decision to not bring it up with anyone else is to avoid the questions! This could be a tough road, and I honestly don't want to be talking about any problems I might have to people who I barely know or who don't understand.

:D

[mel7dog]

At first we decided not to tell anyone except my best girl friend. We thought it would be more fun if it were a surprise once we got pg.
BUT since then I have told a few other people. I had to tell one girl I work with to ask her a question about training and I told a neighbor because I wanted to borrow one of here pg books.

I know what you mean about other people thinking you are young. We are 23 and have only been married 6 months now. I think a lot of our friends and family would be shocked we are trying so soon. When we got married I told people we would be waiting a long time, but since then we changed our minds :) One good thing for me at least is that we are in the military. Many times I feel OLD to not be a mom yet because so many girls around me are mom's/pg and barely even 21!

[pixiecat]

When we first decided to TTC, I was *dying* to talk about it!! But we didn't & I'm really happy that we waited... after awhile, I was thankful that people weren't always "guessing" whether or not we were pg... it did take us 9 months to conceive (not that long in the big picture, but it felt that way!)

Talking with my online friends was enough & it was so fun to surprise people when it finally happened!!

Good luck!

[dlj78]

We have only told close friends and I have said something to my close friends at work. But nobody in our families know that we are TTC because we don't want to hear "but you guys aren't ready yet". I am 27 and DH is 31 and we both want kids and are ready. We may not be in the ideal financial situation but we are ready.

Anyhoo, good luck!! :D

[jnshanna]

This is so tough! I really felt like I needed support because who knows how long this could take (this is our first month trying) so I told my 3 closest friends at work and my best friend. We talk about it all the time at work so other coworkers have probably overheard us. They're sweet about it and are always giving me advice. All 3 of them have children already. But now that I've told them, I kind of wish I hadn't in a way. Just because of the expectation and having to tell them each month that it didn't happen. It hasn't come to that yet so I'm not sure how they'll be but I'm pretty sure they'll be nothing but supportive. It's still an added pressure knowing that they know and knowing that they'll be asking me if AF has come yet each month. But then I think of how wonderful they are about it and how much I appreciate their support and think I did do the right thing by telling them. Not that DH isn't supportive on his own of course! ;) But it's different talking to women who have experienced the same thing. So I guess after talking this out all in all, I think I made a good decision by telling my friends. :)

[smiles33]

Haven't told anyone, though thankfully I get lots of support from the CC women who are also TTC so I've never felt I had to tell anyone. :)

[papergirl]

Nope. I don't want the daily questions. Plus, when we get pregnant I don't want to tell people right away. We started in April and got pregnant right away and then I had a m/c two months later. I have always known that when I got pregnant I did not want to tell people till the first trimester was over and if people know we are TTC then they are going to ask how things are and I think it makes it harder not to tell when you get a BFP. But each preson is different.

Also, I like how right not it is a secret between DH and I. It makes it more special for me.

[Camdynlyn]

I tried not to tell anyone we would be TTC in December/January but it slips up occassionally when they ask "When are the babies coming?" We have been together 7 years and married over 1. I am young (22) and hubby is almost 26.

I think that once that time comes (dec) we won't talk about it as much. I want to wait 2-3 months before telling anyone we are PG and I don't want people asking around that time because I will surely give it away. I will probably tell my BF Holly so I can have someone to talk to. It will be SO hard not to tell my mom (which I probaly will anyway).

I am still on the fence as to what to keep a secret. I know we will find out the sex and tell people but still have no idea what we will do about the name. I want something to be a secret but if you know me well, you will know that I LOVE names, always have. I talk about names constantly and no clue what we will end up doing.

[Tracie]

We didn't tell anyone, I just told my best friend (and people online). We didn't want people constantly asking us if I was pregnant yet. Especially since it took 5 months! Now that I am pregnant, we have only told my best friend, and immediate family until the second trimester.

[Dasha]

It took me 19 months to conceive the child I am currently carrying, so since the process was longer for me than it is for most women, I did tell a few people. Unfortunately, my mother was about as unsupportive as is possible. In fact, she outright told me that my infertility was my fault because I ended a relationship many years previously with a man who wanted to have children right away and I just wasn't ready for it then. In fact, at that time I really wasn't sure if I wanted to have children at all.

I also told my inlaws, because I needed their help to pick up my two stepchildren (whom I am raising) from school when I had appointments with the reproductive endocrinologist. They were understanding, helpful and interested without at all beng intrusive.

I also told two close friends of mine because I thought it was important for them to understand my depression and the need to avoid being around newly pregnant women. It was very hard on the relationsihp with one of them because she conceived on her first cycle, which was around the time of my m/c, so we just couldn't be there for each other at that time because of the difference in our fertility situations.

If I had it to do over again, I probably would not have told my mother because her reaction was just so hurtful to me. However, I do feel it's important that people who are having difficulty TTC come out of the closet because it's nothing to be ashamed of. I think a general "Its not as easy for some people" or "We'd love to but we're having some difficulties" can go a long way towards enlightening people without divulging any personal information about sperm counts, weak luteal phase or poor egg quality.

However, I did not and would not tell people in the beginning when we first started TTC. So, I'd say it's probably best not to make an announcement that you're trying. HOwever, if there are problems, and I certainly hope it doesn't happen for you, then I would share it with people you feel will be understanding and supportive.

[tenofcups]

I've told my parents, my sister, and a few close friends. I'm 42, FH is 41, and anyone who knows me knows that I've always wanted children. So it has come up in casual conversation as questions from people (which I don't mind) and as a statement from me.

Not one person has ever asked if I'm pregnant yet or how it's going--why would they? They know that I'll tell them when I am so it's kind of pointless to ask for updates.

[julietchicago]

We told people, and I regret it. I would advise other people NOT to say a word. We are still not pregnant, and I feel a lot of pressure.

[Lizard]

The only person I've told is my best friend, because she went through TTC for a couple years with her first, and I know she is supportive. We have not told anyone else, mostly because of unsupportive comments from my mother. I'd rather she doesn't know until we are pregnant, and well into that as well.

[lowcountrywed]

At first I only told two of my best friends. Then we got pregnant and I had a miscarriage. I had to cancel a mother's day trip I had planned with my mom, so I was forced to tell her (I mean, I was glad I did because she was a great support), but we haven't discussed ttc at all. So she doesn't really know we are trying again, but I'm sure she's guessing we are. Part of his family knows, which I'm glad, because they used to always make comments about when we were going to have kids, so I couldn't take it if they kept making those remarks. Also told some other friends of our who went through a m/c.

If I could do it again, I probably wouldn't want anyone to know. It's hard enough without people knowing and waiting for an announcement. Whenever I call my friends, I feel like I have to start out with "no I'm not pg" because I know they are wondering.

[icedwhite]

i told a couple of friends and i regret it, especially because they are freakin' "fertile myrtles." they always ask if i'm pregnant yet. it's hard since it's been almost a year and a half. the worst part is relatives that keep asking. i just want to say "it's none of your d*mn business," but i have to bite my tongue. sorry, i just had to vent. i've been holding it in for a long time now.

[isign]

We've told some people, and now it's just assumed to others that we are trying. We have been off BCP for about 17 months now, and only a few people know that. One guy DH works (who has 4 kids, including 1 set of twins, all with in 4 years) with made a comment about a house that we were looking at buying and said how it wasn't big enough - 1400 ft, he kept going on and on about how he knew that we were trying to have kids and it wasn't enough room. Finally I said we only want one. It made me mad because he doesn't know our situation. Babies did come up in a discussion with his wife and I made mention of the fact that we're having 'issues'. I hope it gets back to them.

My best bud who's a freakin' rabbit, had problems at first, and is very supportive. She's always saying, how are things going. I know what she means, and if I'm in the mood to disuss it with her, I will, if not, she says nothing. She's great. The only major negative is MIL who has told me since we were married that we need to wait. She took the oppertunity infront of the real estate agent and her friend in my apartment last weekend. She is the only person who I regret telling we are having issues.

[QT Pie]

I've told a couple of close friends, but otherwise I usually give tell people "What happens happens and we will be happy if it does". I'm paranoid about jinxing myself if I tell people that we want a baby. It is such a personal matter and I'm just uncomfortable of answering questions about whether we want and can have kids.

That is why I love these boards so much! :D

[craftyT]

It is such a personal matter and I'm just uncomfortable of answering questions about whether we want and can have kids.

Agree.

I would love to tell everyone that we are TTC, but I'm afraid there would be a day when I'd have to tell everyone that we are unable to conceive :(

And I am really uncomfortable talking about the details during the process. I am often amazed at what some people ask... like BD frequency, cycle conditions, BD positions!!! Maybe once you have children those questions seem very normal - but for me I find them very embarassing :o

Only a couple very trusted friends are aware of our quest but that is because they are in the same boat as us in their TTC journey.

Otherwise our conversations with friends and family are very general: "sure, we wouldn't mind having children someday...blah blah blah" (as I leave the room to take an OPK! ;) ).

[ginandchris]

Same here. No one really knows that we are "actively TTC". Besides, we figure since this is really personal its no ones business anyway. Once we do have something to share then we will but until then. We just say, "oh yeah of course we want to have kids" and just leave it at that.

[cocoa_femme]

I'm pretty much in the same boat with everyone else. We aren't telling anyone, because we don't want to deal with all the questions. Besides, in my family if you tell one person, they all know within five minutes :rolleyes:.

[MrsSmith]

We're going to start actively TTC pretty soon and we are not telling anyone. They'll be able to figure it out when we make the big announcement!

[sunshineab622]

I have told several friends & of course all of my LJ/WC/CC friends but have not told any family members.

I have been off of bc since June 2004 -

If my family would have known we have been trying no telling how many times they would have asked "are you preg yet?" - I just really did not want anyone in my family to know "we are having problems conceiving"

[DianaFaye]

We aren't TTC yet but we've discussed it and we decided that we're not going to tell anyone. The one person we agreed that we might tell is my Mom because I am so close to her and may want her support if TTC is a difficult journey for us.

[flygirl]

Not telling any family members. His side pretty much leaves us alone; we're the last childless couple of his six siblings/step-siblings so everyone's had their fill. My side won't leave me alone, including all my mother's friends, and I wouldn't DARE tell them!

I've spoken with four friends about TTC: my unmarried bf, my oldest friend who has a one-yr old, a local friend who just had her first, and my best local friend who's practically my cycle buddy. I'm glad I can talk to them & have our groups here, because I'm not known for keeping my mouth shut when I'm excited/nervous/worried about something.

[katmg]

I told some of my good friends that I'm taking pre-natals -we were actually TTC at the time. I wanted to warn them ahead of time so that my getting pg wouldn't be a shock. I have one friend who flipped out when I got engaged after just 4 1/2 months of dating. I figured if I said that we were going to start thinking about TTC, then they would get used to the idea before I just showed up 3 months pregnant "all of a sudden." None of them are married yet, so they freak out about my "smug married" status. :rolleyes:

I haven't told any relatives. I think that would be a little TMI. I'm pretty sure my mom knows, but we don't talk about it.

[Wrighty26]

I'm pretty much in the same boat with everyone else. We aren't telling anyone, because we don't want to deal with all the questions. Besides, in my family if you tell one person, they all know within five minutes :rolleyes:.

OMG SOOOO true for mine too.... :D

[emmjay]

We told my best friend and my sister that I am off BCP - and that we will just see what happens, not that we are actively trying. I just mentioned it to my sister in passing so she probably forgot by now anyway. I had to tell my best friend because I want to have someone to talk to.

If I told my parents my mom would be calling on a daily basis to find out if I am pregnant yet - for me it's definitely better that no one really knows!

[looty]

I have told my mom (who in turn told my dad, who in turn told my brother and his fiancee inadvertantly), my sister (she's doc and I wanted to ask her a question), and my best friend.

I only told the people who I knew wouldn't ask if I was pregnant everytime I talked to them. They are all excited and talk about baby stuff in general with me but don't talk about TTC specifically. We haven't told DH's family and a few friends because they already bother us about when we are going to have kids and we didn't want to make that even worse.

I am glad we told the people we told because it is wonderful seeing the people who care about us being so supportive and excited for a new family member with out pressing anything.

[Can't_Wait]

I have told my sisters for months now that we're going to be trying in August. I saw one of my sisters today (August 1st!) & she asked me if I was pregnant. :D I thought it was quite funny that she is asking me on the first day of our TTC month. Hopefully we won't have too many months of my sisters asking if we're pregnant yet. :rolleyes:

[polarama]

However, I am 1) a big diet coke drinker--I'm talking an upwards of 4 cans a day and 2) a big wine drinker, so I think when I suddenly drop those habits, people who know me well will know that we are trying. :)

[karlatta]

When we first started TTC, only my online friends (some of whom were real-life friends as well) knew.

After about a year, we started telling some non-online friends. This was also when were were starting to see an RE, so there seemed to be interesting things going on. And lots of exciting doctor appointments.

After nearly two years, we had a miscarriage and we told my immediate family that we had been trying and that we'd had a miscarriage. (I really needed my mom's support during that time.)

Since the miscarriage, which was back in January, I'll pretty much tell anyone. I don't tell just for the sake of it, but usually if someone asks me when DH and I are going to have kids, they find out that we're trying. (The exact way I answer depends on who is asking and what their relationship with me is.) The only exception is that I still don't talk to my family about it. My extended family knows nothing. DH's family knows nothing. My mom has been given specific instructions to ignore the fact that she knows that we're TTC. It's an act of self-preservation. Friends and coworkers won't have the same tie to my children that my parents and grandparents will. I can handle telling my friends that I'm not PG every month. I can't handle doing it to my parents.

[Marie]

I have only told my mom - in the event that I miscarry I'll need her support.

We aren't telling anyone anything until we've hit the 3 month mark with successful (healthy!) ultrasounds.

[jenji]

I doubt we will tell anyone (Except my online friends). We MIGHT tell our best friends from church because they're both pharmacists and they are our constant medical resource and will probably going the TTC route before us, but only if we have questions

[Scooter]

For the first 3 months or so we didn't tell anyone except online friends. Then I told a couple of my best friends. By 8 months I was having a hard time & we both needed support, so we told a wider circle of friends, and our parents. As time goes by I care less and less who knows, and because it's nice to have support & not get asked hurtful questions, I feel like Karlatta:
I'll pretty much tell anyone.
:D

[Applebee]

I wasn't planning on telling anyone, but I told my mom and 2 Aunts because they have been bugging me. I also ended up telling my two bosses at work and two co-workers. Not to mention all my online friends. I've tried to stop talking about it though since Oct will be a year of trying and nothing yet. My mom hasn't mentioned anything, but one Aunt always says she wants a Great Niece and that when I do get PG she's doing to drive me around town and hit every bump to make sure she "knocks the trimmings off" like she did with my mom for me ;)

I'm sure the MIL knows b/c I've left my prenatal vitamins on the dining room table and I've had OPKs in the bathroom cabinet which I'm sure she's seen. She's never asked me anything though, I'll have to ask DH if she's said anything to him.

[sourdough]

Haven't told anyone IRL, doubt we will until we're moving along in a nice healthy pregnancy. This is only our second month trying but I'm already so thankful for the support on these boards, otherwise I'd go nuts!

[pacificbliss]

We are not telling anyone. We are "seeing what happens" and not really concentrating on conceiving. One friend of mine and one friend of DH's told us when they were trying and it got kind of awkward when months and months went by and they were not pregnant. We never asked about it because we knew they told a lot of people they were ttc and we didn't want to pester them but we did wonder. One time one of them asked me for a tampon on vacation and her husband turned around alarmed and said, "you aren't pregnant yet." We all laughed but still, it could have been awful. Both friends are due this month by the way.

[Sabriel]

I don't think that we will tell any of our friends. My best friend is TTC, but she keeps commenting that we need to "get to know each other" before we get pregnant. 1) After 6 years, I think we know each other. 2) I don't think that she knows when we should expand our family better than DH and I do. She stopped taking BC without telling her husband, which I am sure is a much better way of doing things. :rolleyes:

Anyway, my mom keeps subtly asking if I'm pregnant. I keep telling her that we are not trying (which is the truth right now!), but she doesn't believe me. I still don't know if we will be telling my family. Right now it just seems like such a private thing. I may change my mind later, though.

We will NOT be telling DH's family. They have already made it clear that they don't think that we should ever have kids. Telling them would just be asking for trouble. ;)

[Dotsie]

We're going to start TTC next month for #2 and only 4 people know. I don't want to put my news out on the street because you never know. I don't want to keep fielding the "are ya pregnant yet"? question.

[JJP]

We have told both sets of parents, but no one else. I figured if I didn't tell my mother, I would continue to have to listen to her going on and on about how we were getting old and didn't have much time. :rolleyes: Now she doesn't really say anything, which is good.

[Chimichanga]

We have told quite a few people. Wait, let me rephrase that - I have told quite a few people.

Famililes know, very close friends know and some co-workers know we're trying. I went out to dinner with some college friends and I was the only one who wasn't drinking. Kind of hard not to explain why (I can't do the "I'm on meds" thing)

We won't tell people when we get PG right away; that we'll wait on.

[Spellbound]

We told our our closest friends that we were ready to TTC over the last few weeks. It wasn't really something we decided for/against it just felt right to do so. It's nice because I really feel like I have a support system and the people we told are dear friends who won't drive us bonkers on the subject...and likewise will put me in check if I get overly stressed on my own.

We didn't tell any family members. That just sort of explains itself. :p

[gymwidow]

I post in the TTC w/ charting thread, so obviously those women know. Other than that, I told my two of my best friends, who are both also TTC, and accidentally let it slip to one other girl. And now two other mutual friends of that one girl know. I'm okay with it, b/c one of them is pregnant now, so I can talk with her about it. DH hasn't told anyone. He wanted to keep it just b/w us, but I knew I would need at least a friend or two to discuss it with. I tend to obsess about things and knew he would soon grow tired of me analyzing it all!

We haven't told our families and won't until we're pg. Friends and coworkers won't find out till we hit the second trimester.

[KKay]

No - we aren't telling anyone. I would rather surprise everyone with the news that we're pregnant.