Adoptive Parents and Parents to Be

[ginadc]

Since so many of us appear to have migrated over here, I thought I'd revive the Adoptive Parents thread from the Voldemort board. Are you an adoptive parent already? Planning to adopt? Just beginning the process, halfway through, or about to bring your new child home? Domestic or international? What's it been like for you?

There are so many different issues that come up with adoption--everything from how to tell a child their birth story to dealing with interracial families to relationships with birthparents--along with all the other questions, joys, and worries that accompany becoming a parent. Let's talk about them all here!

Since I'm not sure who's here and who's not, I won't just repost the list of thread members from the other thread. So if you are an adoptive parent or about to be one, or just thinking about it, and want to talk about it, please sign in!

Name Gina
Married May 03
Age 38
Reason for Adopting We were about to start TTCing when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in April of 04. I dubbed myself the Cancer Slayer and can happily report that my fabulous doctors and I kicked Lumpy's butt. Chemotherapy did render me temporarily menopausal, though that reversed itself, but the doctors still get very twitchy at the idea of a pregnancy soon after breast cancer--they would want me to wait at least 3 years, at which point I'll be 41, which makes pregnancy somewhat unlikely. The docs are very supportive of our adoption plans, though!
Type of Adoption Domestic this time 'round; if we go a second time, we may consider international again (have researched both).
Adoption Status MATCHED! A wonderful prospective birthmother chose us on July 7 to parent her boy-girl twins ( :D :eek: ), due in mid-September. We are in the midst of a wild ride of preparation and emotion right now.

[Bella213]

Hi Gina

Congrats on being matched!!! :D That's awesome! I finally got my first phone call on the 800#. It wasn't a match for Patrick and I but I did pass the call on to our attorneys office so that maybe they could match her up with one of the other couples he has. We just got back from a 2 week vacation in Ibiza, Spain so I have been out of the loop for a couple of weeks. So did all the girls from WC move over here? It looks like just you and summerseven. We have to recruit the others :)

I will make sure I check in here everyday from now on.

Talk to you soon

Anna

[Bella213]

Anna- 39
Patrick- 38
Married- 9/6/2001
Reason for Adopting - 1 Pregnancy on IVF Cycle #9 m/c 6 weeks, 4 additional IVF cycles- Failed
Type of Adoption- Domestic private adoption
Adoption Status - Waiting for that special call

[kbgirl28]

Hi all! I am from the WC. On CC there is this thread (in the Pregnancy and Beyond section) called Adoptive Parents and Parents to Be and another one (in the Family Planning section) called Adoption. Which one do we use? Thanks! Glad to find you all! Take Care! I am also going to post this same question in the other thread.

[lawyerlee]

Hello! :) I'm really excited to find other adoptive or to-be adoptive parents to chat with.

Me: Diana, 27
Hubby: Cliff, 29
Wedding Date: 11-30-02
Reason/Decision to adopt: want to/health
Type of Adoption: international or domestic infant

One of the big reasons that adoption is appealing to me because I suffer from chronic migraines, and the idea of going off my daily meds to TTC really worries me. I think adoption would be a really good way to start our family without compromising my health. I don't know if I'd be a very good mother if I was sick all the time.

My good friend from law school and her husband are in the process of adopting a baby boy from Korea. It's something she's wanted to do for a long time, and I've always been supportive of her desire to do so, but I didn't know whether it was something I could see myself doing or not.

I'm not completely locked into the idea of an international adoption, as I'd think it might be slightly more feasible for us to adopt domestically. I do, however, want to adopt an infant. I would adopt an infant of any ethnicity, though I'd probably aim for an African/African-American or mixed race child because I am white and my husband is black and it just seems that it would make sense. Does anyone know if it might be easier to find an infant to adopt of these backgrounds?

I think my husband Cliff is on board with this now that we've had a chance to talk things through a bit, and he understands my concerns about not going off my migraine prevention meds. However, I think we both would still want to try to have a biological baby or two down the road.

Has anyone done an international adoption or checked into it? From what I can tell so far, Ethiopia is really the only African nation with the ideal scenario for our desires. The waiting period can be pretty short, there isn't any kind of residency requirement, and your baby can even be escorted home for you (for a fee, of course). I know that it will be quite expensive, so it isn't something we could do right away because we aren't financially prepared for that. However, I think we'd be ready in the same time frame as we would be to TTC. My husband is working on completing his undergraduate degree in education, so my thought is that if we do our research and make up our minds from now until he graduates and starts teaching, we would then be ready to start the adoption process right away. Knowing we'd have to wait at least a few months at a minimum, the timing would be just about perfect for us. :)

[kbgirl28]

Hello everyone! Good to see some people I am already familiar with and great to learn about new people!!!

Name: kbgirl28
Married: 5/03
Age: 35
Reason for adopting (optional): Life long dream, and some health issues (may still try to have biological children)
Type of adoption: International/China
Status: We are waiting on our referral. We are expecting it at the end of this month or possibly September!!!

We started our journey back on September 2004. Our paperwork finally got sent to China in February 2005 and we have been waiting ever since. We are so excited!

GinaDC, Congratualtions on being matched--any updates? So happy for you!

Summerseven, keep us posted on the progress. Sept 12th is just around the corner.

Bella213, Sorry to hear your first call wasn't a match, but I know the perfect match will come--just be patient. Any updates for us?

lawyerlee, thanks for sharing your story with us. Good luck in your research and in your decision to adopt or not. Looking forward to hearing more.

Take Care All. Hope all is well!!!

[Bella213]

Welcome Lawyerlee & kbgirl28

Lawyerlee- I think you will probably have a better chance of adopting African/African-American or mixed race child here in the US. The call I received was from a BM who was hispanic/african american and the father was caucasian. I passed the information on to our attorneys office since this was not a match for us. We joined the Adoptive Parents Committee in our State/County. So we do a lot of networking within the group and everyone has everyone elses business cards just incase a situation like this occurs. We looked at international adoption but it wasn't right for us. The travel and the waiting period was too much for us. So we decided to stay within the US and go through an attorney instead. We are in the stage of the waiting game now.

Anyway, I need to run because I have to give my dogs a bath. I will catch up with you all later.

Anna

[bookworm]

I'm not a parent (adoptive or otherwise), but I have a cousin from Guatemala (he is now almost 5). I saw ginadc's question about birth stories, and wanted to reply. Obviously, my cousin is young, and issues may still arise. However, at this point, he is very comfortable with 2 versions of the story. One is (when his little friend's mom was expecting her 2nd) that "mama didn't carry me in her belly; she carried me in her arms." Now that he's a little older, he'll tell you that when he was a little baby in Guatemala, he had a different mama, but then his mama came to pick him up and now he has mama and (insert other various family members).

(My aunt is a single mom, which is why there is no mention of "dad" in these stories :) ).

[jen71]

I popped in on the thread at WC.

I just wanted to say a HUGE congratulations to Gina & your husband. WOW! Twins! That is awesome. I have goosebumps for you right now.

We adopted our daughter Cassidy, she turned one in July. We did a private adoption. Congrats to all on your decision to adopt, it is a wonderful thing.

[DallasLady]

I'm not completely locked into the idea of an international adoption, as I'd think it might be slightly more feasible for us to adopt domestically. I do, however, want to adopt an infant. I would adopt an infant of any ethnicity, though I'd probably aim for an African/African-American or mixed race child because I am white and my husband is black and it just seems that it would make sense. Does anyone know if it might be easier to find an infant to adopt of these backgrounds?

Thanks for referring me to this thread Diana! DH and I are having some fertility issues. We have decided not to go too high-tech with our treatments, though. We are going to do a few rounds of insemination (IUI) and if that doesn't work, we will move to adoption.

We are also wanting an African-American or biracial child (for the same reasons) and yes, it is much easier to . Many agencies can have you matched withing 3-6 weeks or being approved.

CHeck out this site:
http://www.africanamericanadoptionsonline.com/

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

My name is April.
Married July 2, 2005
Age 21 DH- 24
Reason to adopt: We truly find it to be a privilege and a resposibility to adopt. My husband was adopted by his great-aunt at 10 months, and is so greatful for her. We know that we have the love in our hearts to raise any child.

Our plan: We are far from being able to adopt right now. Newlyweds in a small apartment. I want to start the investigating now so that we can set goals on where we need to be in the next 5-10 years to adopt. We want to give birth to one child and to adopt a child between the age of 3-7. I understand that it may be difficult for either child, but I know my husband and I can provide an enviroment where they both feel extremely loved and extremely lucky to be in our home.

I am really excited to find this site. It would really help me to find out where you ladies found the information and criteria to adopt.

[jen71]

Two agencies to look into:

OPen door adoptions, Bethany home Christian adoptions.

Neither care about your religion, but they have a good reputation. One gal I know has a biracial baby- Caucasion & Hispanic, another Caucasion & African American.

[DallasLady]

I would love you hear your opinions on this: (especially you, Diana, you always have an opinion on everything ;) )

Here is the fee schedule for an adoption agency. This fee schedule is very much in line with what most adoption agencies charge.

~~~~~~~~

https://www.americanadoptions.com/adopt/pre_app

TRADITIONAL I PROGRAM
The adoption of all non-African-American (i.e. Caucasion, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, etc. or any non-African American combination of races) healthy newborns and infants.
Average Wait - 9 to 18 months.
Parent Eligibility - Couples only, married a minimum of two years between 25 and 45 years of age with no more than one child.
Fee Schedule - The average total cost is $20,000-$25,000.

TRADITIONAL II PROGRAM
The adoption of all non-African-American (i.e. Caucasion, Hispanic, Asian, Native American, etc. or any non-African American combination of races) healthy newborns and infants.
Average Wait - 3 to 9 months.
Parent Eligibility - Couples only, married a minimum of two years between 25 and 50 years of age with no more than two children at home.
Fee Schedule - The average total cost is $27,000-$35,000.

AGENCY ASSISTED PROGRAM
The adoption of African-American (or any race combined with African-American heritage) healthy newborns and infants.
Average Wait - 1 to 9 months.
Parent Eligibility - Couples only, married a minimum of two years between 25 and 55 years of age. Number of children at home may vary.
Fee Schedule - The average total cost is $12,000-$19,000.

~~~~~~~~

Part of me thinks this is great because I would want a black or biracial child and with the $10,000 tax credit, an adoption would be very affordable.

Another part of me gets this image of the black babies sitting on a shelf with a big sign saying red "Sale!" sign at Walmart

[kbgirl28]

Hi all. Hope everyone is doing well and that everyone had a great holiday weekend! We found out on Sept 2 that DH and I have a daughter! She was born in the Hunan Province of China and is 8 months old. We will hopefully be bringing her home in 1-2 months. Just thought I'd share.............Take Care!!

[Summerseven]

Congratulations!!!
She's beautiful! Im so happy for you! I needed some good news :)

[Lil_Mrs_0702]

Part of me thinks this is great because I would want a black or biracial child and with the $10,000 tax credit, an adoption would be very affordable.

Another part of me gets this image of the black babies sitting on a shelf with a big sign saying red "Sale!" sign at Walmart

I don't really get why there is less of a demand to adopt a black child? I have encountered many children of all races that have been adopted. I also know many parents of different races that have adopted children. My husband's and I have the outlook that we have the love in our heart for any child. I know that there are some cultural things that we may encounter if we raise a child of another race, and some things that we may not understand. But isn't that with any child???

I just don't understand the "price tag" on all of these adoptions.

[lawyerlee]

Hi all. Hope everyone is doing well and that everyone had a great holiday weekend! We found out on Sept 2 that DH and I have a daughter! She was born in the Hunan Province of China and is 8 months old. We will hopefully be bringing her home in 1-2 months. Just thought I'd share.............Take Care!!


http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5d724b3127cce94511cccc61100000016109BbNGLdq1I
How exciting! Congratulations! :D

[lawyerlee]

I don't really get why there is less of a demand to adopt a black child? I have encountered many children of all races that have been adopted. I also know many parents of different races that have adopted children. My husband's and I have the outlook that we have the love in our heart for any child. I know that there are some cultural things that we may encounter if we raise a child of another race, and some things that we may not understand. But isn't that with any child???

I just don't understand the "price tag" on all of these adoptions.
Clearly, not everyone is as open minded as you are. :) And honestly, you could probably put me in that category, too, in some ways. I would be glad to adopt a baby of any race or nationality, but it is certainly my preference to adopt a mixed race black/white baby because that is what our biological kids will be. So maybe I'm no different. ;) :)

[kbgirl28]

Summerseven and lawyerlee Thanks for the congratulations. Summerseven, I am glad that I could bring you good news for a day :) We are so very excited!! We just found out today that more than likely we will be travelling to China at the end of October to bring her home!

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies

It's been a while since I have posted.

KBgirl28- Congrats!!! Awesome news!

So I have some news to share with you all. Over the past 2 weeks, I have received 3 phone calls from potential BM's. The first 2 calls did not meet our specifications and the 3rd call was from a BM who is expecting triplets :eek: on or about Dec 1! Well it would have been a match except triplets is more than DH & I can handle. When I initially heard the message I started to cry because I knew that DH would definately say that we just can't handle it financially. So it took an hour or so of talking to him about it before I came to terms with the whole situation. I called her back and got her voicemail and left her a message explaining our situation but I also left her our attorney's number just in case he has a couple that would be a match. I guess it's true that this is the worst part of the whole process. Waiting for that special call. :(

Anyway, I hope all of you have a great day.

Bella213

[ginadc]

Hi gang, I'm back!

And I realized that I never did update my own info on this thread, because at first it was too painful and then I got distracted. Sadly, our first match with the bmom of twins due in September failed in late July. She had seemed very firm in her decision, but I think she was under a lot of pressure from her family and finally decided she wanted to parent. The twins are due soon, if not here already, and I really hope she and they are doing well.

Fortunately, after a pretty sad 7 weeks (at least we did go ahead with a trip to Provence and the French Alps which we had thought we would have to cancel when the twins were expected, and the trip helped a little), we got great news yesterday--we're matched again!

The prospective bmom is due in early November; she and the father live in Florida--they are roommates, but not a couple. Unlike with our previous match, everyone who possibly could be on board with the adoption is on board this time: mother, father, his family, her family,and their friends. We'll be doing a conference call with them early next week, after all our paperwork is in, and they have said that they would very much like us to be at the hospital when the baby is born. (Gender is unknown.) They would also be interested in our flying down there to meet them beforehand, if we can make it work in the short timeframe before the birth.

It's funny: I am thrilled beyond words, but not bouncing off the walls with excitement the way I was with our first match--and I think that's good. I feel this sort of sense of calm and confidence about this match, whereas the first one was so fast, and so "fairy-tale" (boy-girl twins?) that it seemed to good to be true, which of course it turned out to be. Something about this match just feels solid, and both my DH and I feel that kind of excitement that seems "sustainable," if that makes any sense.

Fortunately, we continued to work on our gender-neutral nursery during this period that we were waiting to be matched again, so we won't have to absolutely kill ourselves with work between now and November.

So--YAHOOOOOOO!

Meantime, I have to go catch up on what's going on with everybody else. Glad to see this thread growing!

[ginadc]

Catching up...

Bella, wow! I so feel for you. It must have been the hardest thing in the world to turn down that match, but I understand why. Shortly after we were matched with the twins, I heard that one couple with our agency adopted all-girl triplets, and I thought, "Wow, I don't know if we could take that on!"

We also had to turn down a match before this one. A teenage girl found us on our agency's Web site and specifically asked about us when she called them, looking to place her 15-month-old daughter. She had been struggling to raise her for over a year and had realized she couldn't do it; her family was supportive of the adoption, and they all really loved our profile. I felt like the worst person in the world saying no, but like Diana, we are very much wanting to adopt an infant with our first child at least. I was also really worried about how traumatizing the separation was going to be for this child at her age, and didn't know if as first-time parents my DH and I would be equipped to handle it. So sadly we said no.

Diana, you should seriously contact my agency (American Adoptions, the one whose fees have been posted here). I think you'd have a baby in seconds--I know that one mixed-race couple (he's black, she's white) who appeared on the parent profiles section had the "Congratulations, recent adoption!" banner up within about a week of their first appearance, which is record time. They frequently have African-American or multiracial African-American babies that they're seeking placements for on their "Category A" situations page, which is "adoptive families needed now." If you have a home study already, there are three situations listed there now that you might be a perfect adoptive family for. If you don't yet have a home study, you could probably adopt almost as soon as you get one done.

We seriously considered adopting an African-American or mixed-race A-A baby; to this day I don't know if we made the right decision to opt out of that. My concerns were twofold: first, I know that even in the black community there is a lot of dispute over Caucasian families (my husband and I are both pretty pasty) adopting black children and whether we can possibly give them the kind of exposure to the black community and their heritage as African-Americans that we should. While I'm quite prepared to tell white racists to go screw themselves, I am less prepared to take on a large (and at least somewhat respectable, since I know it's a position of the National Association of Black Social Workers) movement within the black community. Second, I worried that two white parents just wouldn't have the "life experience" or understanding to help an African-American child cope with the unique burdens of racism that black kids still face in today's America. I could comfort my child if he or she was picked up for "driving while black," but could I ever say, "I get it. I've been there. I know how you feel"? And would I be able to prepare my child for what he or she might face when I have no experience of it myself?

We may have been wrong, but we both felt that we didn't have the kind of life experience we needed to be parents in that situation.

[Bella213]

Gina- I was wondering where you were. I am really sorry that the first match didn't work out. I would be devistated too. It's been really difficult for me lately turning down all 4 calls within a one month period. I just keep saying to myself "The right call will come in soon." Triplets would be bitting off more than we can chew. Although when we were going through IVF and 3 embies were transfered, DH & I knew the chances were slim to none that we would end up with triplets. It was a chance that we took in order to up the % rate of pregnancy. But again, it's way different when you actually have a choice to say no without having to make the decision of reduction. I am so happy you got matched up again. :D You are probably doing the right thing by approching the situation with caution. I would have probably reacted the same way with the first match. How could you not get excited?? :confused: It's just a normal reaction. Anyway, I again am very happy for you and DH. Hopefully Dh & I won't be too far behind you with getting matched.

TTYL
Bella

[Summerseven]

kbgirl28- You're so welcome :)

Bella213- Sorry about not being matched just yet, I'm sure it wont be long now :) Wow triplets! I could only imagine, eek!

ginadc- Wow what a change of events, I know its hard when bp's change their mind, but in the end maybe those twins weren't the right children for you & Dh. I so happy you already got matched again so quickly! Im so excited for you! A complete suprise is always the sweetest! Congrats!


Well some recent changes have gone on with us as well. Kendra is DD's 7 year old sister, and she is now living with us. She just started school yesterday. I have guardianship now and I'm looking into adoption for her, but she's just not ready yet. It's a new situation for her, she's always lived with her grandmother, so I wanted her transition to be as smooth as possible. Dh and I are very excited and nervous. Its alot different then raising our DD who we've had since birth, Kendra asks a lot of questions and we always make sure to tell her the truth, but sometimes she's just too young for such a harsh reality. Like any parent we will do whatever we can to make her feel loved and accepted.
Also court is MONDAY!!! Im so excited, DD is 22 months old and Im so ready for things to move on. This is the 26 hearing where Bm is getting her parental rights terminated. After this adoption is final within 6-9 months. I cannot believe it. What a long road, so happy we are finally in the last stretch :)

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies,

I got another call today at 5:15 pm! :D I was still at work and "The Bat Phone" (that's what we call the adoption cell phone) rang. I picked it up and there was a sweet voice on the other end. I am freaking out still so I am going to try and remember everything we talked about. She is 28, lives in Minnesota, single, 2 years into nursing school, she was adopted herself at 16 mo., she is 6 months pregnant and is due Nov 2! The father is a pilot, she dated him for 4 months and when she told him she was pregnant, he told her that he was married and wanted nothing to do with the baby or her anymore. It took her a while to decide to place her child because she was looking for support from her family. Once she came out and told her parents, they became very supportive of her decision and therefore she started to pursue placing her child. She looked through 43 different profiles but she said she kept coming back to ours because she said that she and I can pass for sisters. She asked me if we would be "ok" with sending her pictures of the baby for the first few years and I of course told her yes. She really doesn't care if we speak, but she definitely wants pictures from time to time. We definitely felt a connection in the first 5 minutes of speaking to one another. I actually found myself calm and relaxed. I guess this is what everyone talks about when they say "You just know it's the one."

She is having a boy (Dh & I never cared about the sex) although I can tell that hubby is thrilled. So she repeated our attorney's 800# to me and said that she would call him as soon as she hung up with me. I followed up just a few minutes ago with my attorney and I got his wife (the social worker) who answered the 800#. I proceeded to tell her that I got a real call and asked if a woman by the name of (blank) called and she said "Yes" but actually it wasn't that great of a call." I said "what?" "What happened?" :confused: and she proceed to tell me that the girl insisted on speaking to our attorney and only him. Well I was like ok; did you explain to her that you guys handle the calls? (I had no idea what to tell the potential bm so I just referred her to the attorney and not the secretary or the social worker) Anyway, they told me that she would not give them her address or any information and that she got rude with them and said that she would call back. Well I was dumb founded. I had such a positive call and they managed to possibly screw it up for me. So my attorney's wife proceeds to tell me that they would call me if she called back. And the conversation ended there.

Well WTF????! Gees, couldn't they see that she was new to all of this and maybe with a little kindness they could have persuaded her to give the information? I feel like ringing someone's neck over there right now. First thing Monday morning, I am going to pick up the phone and speak to the attorney directly. I don't give a crap if it's his wife or not, this is totally uncalled for. It's enough that this whole waiting game just suck's, but then to get a real call and have a third party upset something that is real, just angers me. :mad:

Am I overreacting or would you all feel the same way?

Please keep me in your prayers. I am going to need every one right now.

Bella213

[ginadc]

Bella, I was so excited for you until I read the last paragraph! I absolutely would be just as livid as you are with the attorney's staff. They should know that they're dealing with bmoms who are often going through a lot of things and pretty emotional. If she was that positive and sweet with you, then they must have been really obnoxious to her for her to be "rude"--either that, or they're misrepresenting her reaction.

You definitely should tell your attorney on Monday that this is absolutely not acceptable.

Did she leave any kind of phone # with you or other way to get in touch? Did a number show up on the cell phone's caller ID?

[Bella213]

Gina- I have the 800# forwarded to my cell phone so her number came up on caller ID. I did call her back after I hung up with the attorney’s office and left her a message. I asked if she got through to them, and that she could speak to two other people there besides for him. That she needed to give them her address so that they could mail her our journal etc. That she could call me back anytime she wants to chat again. In our conversation, I forgot to ask for her number. Do you think it was bad of me that I called her back because her number came up on caller ID? I am definitely calling our attorney first thing Monday. And if they give me any BS that he isn't available, I will personally drive there and let them have it in person. I happen to be a very nice and generous person. I love people, respect them and even when someone upsets me I never get upset back. But when you start to jeopardize something that I have been working on with all my heart, well that's when my horns come out..lol It's the Italian in me I guess. I am glad to read that you would react the same way. DH said to me that if she and I hit it off like we did on the phone, then this minor incident shouldn't stop her from moving forward. And if she doesn't call our attorney back, then she wasn't genuine and it's better that it doesn't move forward. I guess because I know in my heart that this was a real call, it bothers me even more. If she does call me back, I know I will be able to establish trust between the two of us and if I have to I will make a conference call to the attorney myself with her on the phone to make this happen. What I really should do is get her on the phone, call the attorney's office and remain silent to see how they speak to her etc. It just seems so evil that I am going to that extreme with someone we are paying to make our dream come true.

Thanks Gina for checking in. I was hoping one of you would help me out.

Bella

[ginadc]

I think your DH is right that if it was indeed legit, she will call you back--possibly not your attorney's office since she had such a negative experience with them the first time, but more likely you directly since you hit it off so well. And then you can say something like "Sorry that the staff in our attorney's office weren't helpful, I've talked with them to make sure nothing like that ever happens again." I think conference-calling it with her and the attorney's office, if she's amenable, is a great idea.

I definitely agree that you need to hold your attorney accountable for how responsive he and his staff are, both to you and to prospective birthmothers who call. You have to be able to trust them implicitly with something this important!

[Bella213]

Gina- So I made another attempt yesterday afternoon to reach the bm. When I called in the morning, I got the answering machine but after I heard the message and was about to leave after the beep, this recording came on that said that the mail box was full and no messages were being accepted at this time. So I tried later in the afternoon and I got a real person. Apparently she has 3 roomates and they all share one phone. Anyway, the girl who answered said that she was on the other line but that if I gave her may name & # she would give her the message to have her call me back. This was at 6:00 pm and she never called back. So I have come to terms with the situation that this is not going to work out and that she might be BS'ing me. Like DH mentioned before, if she is real and really liked you as much as she said she did, then she would have called you back by now no matter what happened with our attorneys office or not. Oh well. At this point if she does call back I would be really surprised.

Thank you for you support. I so desprately needed to hear another womans opinion about the situation. I appreciate it. :)

Bella

[Bella213]

Morning Ladies,

As of this morning, no call back from the BM. Oh well. But I did get a call from one of the girls at my attorneys office. We spoke about Friday's phone and she apologized for the other womans behavior. She also mentioned that this is not the first time she has heard complaints about her. Well I said "If she is going to be nasty and curt she shouldn't be taking any calls." She said that unfortunately she is the wife of the attorney and also the SW and she receives all the calls when she is there. If she is not there then it get's passed on to her. She went and pullled the notes on the phone call and all she wrote down was that so and so was on the phone and when the call was passed on to her, that the bm hung up. What a liar! That's not what she told me. So obviously she is covering her butt with regards to the back and forth attitude that transpired between the both of them. Anyway, I have come to terms with the fact that this bm is no longer interested in placing her child with us. Like my DH said "If she is going to be this fragile that something like that can shake her up not to make a return call to either us or the attorney, then we don't want to get involved." And he is so right.

The right call will come in soon.

TTYL
Bella

[ginadc]

Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. Your DH is right, I think, but that doesn't make it any easier when you've gotten so excited and things seemed so promising.

I will say that regardless of why this particular bmom didn't follow up, the excuse handed to you about the attorney's wife's phone manners is not encouraging. I don't care whose wife she is; you are paying the lawyer good money to handle an adoption for you, and you don't need her sabotaging things by being unpleasant to prospective bmoms on the phone (and then, apparently, lying about it in records). I would sit down with the lawyer and talk very frankly about it. If it were just this one bmom I'd wonder if maybe she had misrepresented things, but since the other staff member indicates there have been other complaints, obviously it's the attorney's wife who's the problem. You have every right to hold them accountable for how they talk to potential birthparents...at this point it doesn't sound like this situation will go anywhere, but what about when the next one comes along?

Just one teeny thing: you might want to use bmom instead of BM when referring to prospective birthmothers. On a couple of other adoption boards I'm on, that term is actually asterisked out, because of its confusion with a term for defecation. A lot of people tend to use it because everybody shorthand-initials everything online, but I know some bmoms get upset by the term. Hope I haven't offended.

[Bella213]

Hi Gina

We are going to attend a few Adoptive Parent Parties in the next month or so. Our attorney is always there since he is on the board. DH & I plan to speak to him then in a more casual environment. I took no offense to the bm vs. bmom. I am new to all of this stuff so I thank you for telling me about it. The last thing I want to do is upset a bmom. :D

Wishing you all a good day!

Bella

[ginadc]

I think that sounds like an excellent plan! He may respond more positively if you start a conversation in a more casual environment.

Things are moving ahead on our match! We have a conference call with our adoptive family specialist set for Friday; that's where we discuss the process for the next 8 weeks, how things are likely to work at the hospital during the delivery, and so on. And the prospective bmom's social worker left a message yesterday that she and bmom are going over her work schedule so we can put together a time for a first conference call with her. I'm very excited about that!

Meanwhile, we're keeping ourselves as busy as possible by putting the nursery together. Some pics thus far:

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5d732b3127cce947949c45c3a00000016108AatWzFm3aNK

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5d732b3127cce947948ad9dfb00000016108AatWzFm3aNK

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5d732b3127cce9479484c1c2a00000015108AatWzFm3aNK

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5d732b3127cce947958c79d9900000015108AatWzFm3aNK

There are still some things to do, of course! My DH is building a bookshelf for the one bare wall (the one that you can see in the last crib picture, where if you look closely the iron and ironing board are still partly visible). It's modeled on this bookcase from Rosenberry Rooms:

http://store1.yimg.com/I/yhst-83532116742892_1863_116122929

We weren't about to pay $2300 for a bookcase :eek:, and DH said "I can build that!" It's almost ready for painting now. We're also waiting for a couple of things for the walls, including a frame for a "Guess How Much I Love You" print that will go above the antique dresser, which is going to be our changing table. And DH is going to paint a moon and stars scene on the door of the big dresser--which is why the door is off its hinges in the picture.

Still, we're really happy with our progress so far!

[Bella213]

Gina- I LOVE THE BABY'S ROOM The colors are perfect and soothing to look at. Great job!

So I am still toying with the idea whether I should give this bmom another ring. I guess even though I say I am letting it go, my curiosity of finding out if she hung up when the call was transfer or if words were exchanged is just killing me. But then on the other hand, I don't want to look desperate either. I really dislike the whole situation. Dh said that maybe she is still thinking about placing her child and is not yet 100% sure. Maybe she thought that she was ready when she called, but when it came down to giving her information to move on to the next step, she freaked out. The other thing he said was that she has our number and knows how to get a hold of us, so maybe she needs more time and she might call back a little further down the line. I guess my Dh is saying anything to me just to make me feel better ;) Whatever the case, I am sure every day that goes by will get better.

Thanks Summerseven :D

Bella

[ginadc]

Thanks Bella & Summer for the compliments on the nursery! We're really thrilled with it. More work still to do, but it's coming together nicely. And congrats Summer--glad to hear everything is moving ahead!

Meanwhile, I'm nervous. We are waiting to hear from our bmom's social worker as to when we can do a conference call with the bmom--the first sort of "Get to know you" thing. Now, she's had our paperwork since Monday; Tuesday afternoon she left me a message that she'd get in touch soon re: scheduling the call; two days later, we haven't heard anything yet. We are supposed to have a different type of conference call with our social worker (both the family and the bmom get one) to walk us through the process tomorrow.

Now, I'm assuming that if anything had gone wrong, we would've heard from our SW that things were problematic. But given that before our last match failed, there was about a week in which we heard nothing (because the agency was hearing nothing from the bmom), I know that no news is not necessarily good news, and so I'm nervous as hell. I called this morning and got no callback from the bmom's social worker; just now, I called our social worker and was told she's in a conference call. I explained to the receptionist why I'm freaking out and asked if he could make sure she knew I just wanted to hear back today and make sure everything's still looking good, so I don't have to have a sleepless night of worry tonight before our conference call tomorrow.

He said he would...so now I'm sitting here stressing and waiting. I was going to go to the gym, but I don't want to miss her call, so I'm just ... waiting. Later tonight, we're going to go visit friends of ours and their newborn daughter (born the 13th) in the hospital, and I so want to be feeling completely positive about everything when I see them and get those "newborn" emotions.

Such a rollercoaster. :confused:

[Bella213]

Hi Gina

The whole waiting game is just nerve racking. I hope and pray that you get the call soon. I would be feeling the same way. Please keep us posted. I will keep you in my prayers tonight.

Summer- I forgot to say Congrats in my last post!

I took tomorrow off because we are having a big bbq on Saturday. I have 78 people attending. Dh's family (aunt, uncle's and cousins) never saw our home so before we move to our new house we thought it would be a good idea to get everyone over here. I am catering the party myself so I have a lot of cooking to do tomorrow.

Anyway, I will check in with you all tomorrow when I get a moment.

Bella

[ginadc]

Hey guys!

All's well! We had our conference call with our social worker on Friday, and she says we should hear from bmom's social worker Monday to schedule the conference call with bmom. I found out why bmom's social worker is not always easiest to reach: she herself is pregnant, 26 weeks with twins, and she hasn't been having an easy pregnancy, so she's sometimes working from home and obviously has a fair number of doctor's appointments. So that explains things.

But apparently all's moving forward on bmom's end. She has scheduled the in-person meeting with the agency's Florida social worker, who will come to her place and sit down with her (and bdad) to go over all the paperwork they'll sign at the hospital and a lot of the other things in terms of just preparing.

Meanwhile, we're getting the nursery closer to completion. DH is doing a lot of work today on the bookshelf, and I bought an unfinished-wood toy box for us to paint and put under the window between the dresser and dressing table. We also bought a giant stuffed lion for the nursery--I always coveted the gigantic stuffed animals I'd see in toy stores, so I figured we should get one for our baby and the lion suits the nursery perfectly. And he's so soft and cuddly!

[ginadc]

Yahoo! Conference call with bmom is set for tomorrow at 4 pm! I just talked with her social worker and it sounds as if everything is very solid. Bmom is excited to talk with us and also wants to exchange e-mails so she can send us pictures of her family.

I can't wait! :D

[Summerseven]

Thanks Bella :)

Gina- How exciting!! Can't wait till tommoro :)

[IrishMeg]

Summerseven, I worked in child protection in FL and used to follow your WC journal. I stopped in to see if parental rights had been terminated yet and I saw your wonderful news! Congratulations to you, DH, and your little one. It truly made my day!! :)

[Summerseven]

IrishMeg Thanks so much! We are completely thrilled and so relieved :)

[AusAshMommy]

Summer ~ Just popped in to see how things were progressing w/you and I see parental rights have been terminated! YAY!!!! So awesome!!! I am so happy for all of you :D

[Summerseven]

Lara- Thanks soo much! We are so happy everything is going now :)

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies,

It's been a crazy 2 days! I have to slow down because I am so excited. Ok, Monday morning I check e-mails and we got an e-mail from a pbmom stating that she liked our profile online and wants to find out more about us. So I e-mailed back and asked her a bunch of questions and she answered them promptly but she is still not ready to make that call to us. Anyway, she is definately a match for us if she moves on to the next step. She is due March 2006. Then a couple of hours later, while I am at work, I get an aim from this girl who saw our profile online and is interested again in finding out more about us. So I instant message for over 3 hours and again, she sounds like a match but she is not ready to make the call yet. And the most promising contact happened this morning. I got up and checked our e-mails and there was an e-mail from a pbmom. She said that she would like to explain her situation to me and to call her between such and such time, but forgot to give me her number in the e-mail. So I responded and gave her our 800#. This is no joke, I clicked on send button and by the time I walked into the kitchen, the phone rang! We spent over an hour on the phone. There was a definate connection between the 2 of us that we both started to cry. She has 3 children already and just cannot afford a 4th. She asked me for our attorneys number and address and we ended the call on a wonderful note. She also gave me her home number in case I want to call her to talk some more. Anyway, by the time I got to work and call our attorney, she had already called them. So now I am waiting for the SW (our attornys wife, the one I don't like) to call me back with feedback.

This really feels right. I hate to say that but it does. And the best part is that she lives in the same state!

Keep us in your prayers.

Bella213

[Summerseven]

Wow Bella, how exciting! Crossing my fingers for you :)

[Bella213]

Hi Everyone

She called the attorney before I called them and left them a message. This afternoon, the SW called me back after she spoke to her and said that she was willing to answer any questions she threw at her. The only thing that bothered the SW and our attorney (they were both on the call) was that she had said she was meeting with an attorney on the 27th. Now the way the SW explained it to me was that normally the pbmom doesn't get an attorney because the adoptive parents are responsibile for all legal fees etc. So, she wasn't comfortable giving out her attorneys name just yet. Anyway, the SW told me that they were mailing out our profile today to her Fed Ex for delivery tomorrow morning. In that package there is all the legal documents for her to sign and return to our attorney. It also explains to her that she does not need to seek coucil because our attorney will do all of that for both parties. The reason behind this is because if her attorney has potential couples waiting to adopt, he or she might pursued her to chose a couple from his/her office and we might lose the opportunity.

Other than this, she seems for real. She even sent me a picture of herself so that I could put a face with the voice! I am simply jumping out of my skin right now. I wrote her an e-mail after I hung up with the SW explaining to her that we are responsible any legal fees and that she doesn't need to get an attorney. I also said that I would rather her spend the money on herself and her children instead of an attorney.

She wrote back the most incredible e-mail that I was balling while I was reading it. She explained that she was unaware of the "attorney thing" and that her main concern is that "This Baby" goes to a good family that will love and nurture it like she does her own. She asked if she could speak to DH tonight because it's important that she make the same connection with him as she made with me this morning. She also said that she is feeling that she has already found the right family for this baby and that all she needs now is confirmation of that once she speaks to DH. She is willing to send us all the U/S pictures as time goes by. She wants DH & I to come to one or two of the appointments to see the baby's progess and she definately wants the two of us to be in the room when she delivers the baby. She has gone as far as to say that if she needs to stay in the hospital longer than 24 hours she will request to be moved off the maternity ward so the DH & I can feel comfortable with the baby and develop the bond that a mother and father need and want. I can't even begin to tell you all how much I cried. I called my bestfriend and read the e-mail to her and we were like two blubbering idiots on the phone. After 13 IVF cycles, maybe our dream of a lifetime is really going to come true.

This is where we are at right now. I will update you all after the phone call tonight. Wish me luck I am going to need it.

Bella

[kbgirl28]

Summerseven, So glad things are moving along! So happy for you!! How long will the adoption process take? Keep us posted...

Ginadc, the nursery looks great. Glad things are moving along nicely. How did the conference call go?

Bella213, wow, what exciting news!! Praying the phone call went well...

Take Care all!!!

[IrisHope]

Anna, are you calling me a blubbering idiot? lol

You need to update and tell everyone what happened or I will!!!!!!!!!

[Bella213]

Hi Everyone,

Before I get yelled at by my best friend IrisHope, I need to tell you all what has happened over the past 24 hours.

Pbmom called at 9:45 pm last night as promised and I had DH answer the phone. They were on the phone for over 45 min. It was a great conversation and after Dh was done she wanted to speak to me. She proceeded to tell me that she felt very comfortable speaking to Dh. That she was expecting him to be shy & quite but Dh asked questions and listened and she truly felt a connection with him too.

So this morning I got an e-mail from her stating that she really feels in heart that the search for the perfect family is over. She has chosen us to be the parents of this baby! I am so excited!!! :D It's finally happening! She will be calling me once she receives the paperwork and profile from our attorney this morning.

I don't know what else to say but that I hope that God guides her and us through this wonderful journey.

Bella

[Summerseven]

Bella, I so thrilled for you!! Congratulations :) :D :D :D

[AndreaMMS]

Summerseven - Hi there - I used to follow your journal on WC (I posed once in a while as "AndreaM"), and I just saw your wonderful news in here about finally getting the parental rights terminated.

I am SO HAPPY for you - you've been through so much and are such a terrific Mommy!

Congatulations!!!!!!!!!

[Bastille]

Bella -

I know you from "way" back. This is such incredible news!! I am praying that all works out because I KNOW that you will be an incredible mommy!!

Wow this is the best news I have heard/read in a long time!! Is it a boy/girl and when is it due?

Christina

[BSBC]

For those of you who have been through (or are going through) the adoption process, how should friends deal with this type of situation:

Friends of ours are going through an adoption. They were successfully matched and traveled out of state for the birth. At the 11th hour, the birth mom decided to keep the baby.

This is such an utterly traumatic and heartbreakening situation to watch. Our friends chose the adoption route after not being able to successfully concieve. Besides being there for them, what do you recommend friends do for them?

In some ways, this is as bad or worse than a miscarriage. While I guess I'm happy for the birthmom, I'm really sad for my friends. To watch this happen is a horrible thing.

Thank you.

[ginadc]

Bella, that's wonderful! I'm so thrilled for you. Tell us more--when is bmom due again?

Our conference call couldn't have gone better! We were all a bit nervous to start, I think, but then we really hit it off well and found that DH and I and the bmom have a lot of things in common, like the fact that all three of us were really close to our grandmothers growing up. She loves to read too, so we got into a discussion of Harry Potter. And she's clearly really committed to the adoption--when we were talking about how things would go at the hospital, she said, "Well, this is going to be your delivery as much as it is mine."

So, everything sounds great! Her doctor on Tuesday told her that she was about 31 weeks 2 days, which is a little less than the math would indicate if she's due on the 11th of November, but not much. So she'll be 32 weeks on Sunday. She thinks she might have the baby a little early, just because she herself was born very early, but I don't think that's necessarily much of a predictive factor. Still, maybe she has some intuition!

BSBC, I'm so sorry for what your friends are going through. I can only imagine...our failed match was painful, but we had only been matched for 3 weeks and it was still more than a month before the babies were due. It's my greatest fear, that the bmom will change her mind at the hospital, after we've actually seen and held and fallen in love with the baby.

Having never been through something quite that bad, I have no idea how to tell you to console your friends; really, other than "being there," as you said, I don't know how much you can do. One thing I had a friend do when our match failed is that I asked her to spread the word to our other friends, so I didn't have to go through telling them. (Some people don't even tell friends when they're matched in case it fails, but we just are no good at keeping things back like that.) So that was helpful; she discreetly let our friends know not to ask how the adoption plan was going and so on, and I didn't have to relive the fact that the match had failed over and over again. If the news is still not generally known, that might be one thing you could offer to do for them.

[Bella213]

Hi Gina,

Oh my goodness, what great news!!! I am thrilled that the conference call went well. I will pray for you & Dh that the next few weeks will be nothing but happy times and that in the end you will have your baby in your arms. :) Have you picked out names yet? I can't remember if you mentioned that in previous posts. We are going with Michael Joseph if it's a boy and Lauren Marie if it's a girl.

Our bmom thinks she is due in March. She is not quite sure yet because she hasn't gone in for her first u/s yet. That will be in the next week or 2 I believe. Once the OB/GYN can get a mesurment of the baby, he/she will be able to give a better estimate on the due date. March is absolutely perfect for us. We are closing on a new house at the end of next month and are also closing on this home a week later. So it's going to be a crazy couple of months. This weekend she is going to tell the bfather. He still doesn't know she is pregnant. This is scary but she reassured Dh & I that he will support her decision 100%. He is a lot older than her and already has 2 teenage kids and he is done with the daddy thing. Bmom is very close with with bfather's sister. Bmom told her last night and she thinks it's wonderful that she is giving an opportunity to another couple to become parents. She also agreed that her brother will support her decision. So, Dh & I are still a little nervous but we both didn't get any indication that she will be changing her mind at all. She signed the legal documents this afternoon and sent them back via FedEx. She felt that this would help us relax and understand that she is committed to us and would like us to have some reassurance over the next 6 months.

BSBC- I really can't offer any advise. I would have to agree with Gina. The best thing is just to be there for them. No one should have to go through a situation like that alone. And yes, it's just as bad if not worse than a miscarriage. :(

Bastille- How are you! I didn't know that you lurked in here! So how are thing going with you? I hope well. Any good news to report yet? I lost touch with a lot of ladies since I left the WC. Thank you for posting a reply. We don't know the sex and really don't know if we want to know yet. The bmom thinks she is due March like I mentioned above but we will have a better idea in the next week or so.

I have to run for now. I will keep you all posted.

Bella

[BSBC]

Everyone - thanks for your guidance. Good luck with your adoptions - this is so exciting.

[ginadc]

Bella, that sounds like perfect timing! (Hey, when did you/are you getting your home study done? I think home studies have to be updated if the family moves, so I just wanted to be sure that no logistical steps got missed!)

I took a bunch of pictures of the house/nursery yesterday so I can send them to the bmom, and when I logged onto my gmail account found that she'd sent me pictures of herself and the bfather, along with pics of a stuffed giraffe chair that we'd talked about on the phone, which she bought for the nursery! It's so cute, and it's perfect for the way we've put the nursery together. I'm incredibly excited to have heard from her so quickly.

Yes, we've decided on names. Ian Michael for a boy, and Annika to-be-decided if it's a girl. We're debating among Annika Rose, Annika Charlotte, and Annika Noelle. I really prefer Annika Rose, both because I think it sounds pretty and because it would be a neat way to honor my father, who is a fairly obsessive rose grower; but that's probably DH's least favorite. Annika Charlotte may win.

[Bella213]

Hi Gina,

Wow, I didn't know that about the Home Study. :eek: We had ours done already and we are certified. I better call my attorney and find out because I would hate for something to go wrong through this process.

Thanks for telling me that.

Bella

[ginadc]

Glad to help, Bella! I'm not sure if the home study rules are precisely the same in every state, but it was my understanding that if there's any sort of major change in the household--a move to another home, another person comes to live in the house, that kind of thing--most home studies require an update. I don't think it's particularly complicated to get done, but I'm pretty sure it usually has to happen.

[Duncan1]

Bella213 I sometimes lurk in here as I 'knew' you from WC. Just wanted to tell you how happy I was to read that you've been matched, it brought a big smile to my face. All the best to you and your DH, and to all the other parents-to-be in this thread.

[Ole Miss Bride]

Bella, I hope you don't think I'm a total stalker, but I used to lurk in the IVF thread at WC, and I'm just so, so thrilled to read about your match. What wonderful news!

-Betsy

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies

I hope everyone is doing well. Everything is moving smoothly here.


Ole Miss & Jan – Thank you so much. I miss all of you. I lurk from time to time in the IVF thread and check on you all. I hope that each and everyone of you are doing well and that everything works out for you both.


Update:

Our bmom sent in all the documents via FedEx today! :D Looks like it's a go! :D :D She called me last night to bring me up to speed about her visit at the dr's office. She met one of the mid-wives at the office and they started her birth plan. She told me that she does not wish to know the sex of the child. She wants no photos or contact after the birth. She also made me promise that I would be her voice in the delivery room so that when this child is born that no one blurs out the sex of the child. She has also asked the mid-wife to put up a c-section blind up so that she cannot see the baby. She just doesn't feel any need for her to know anything about the baby. Bmom also said that she is going to request that she be moved off the maternity ward after the delivery so that DH & I can bond with the baby and she can mentally remove herself from the situation. She keeps saying that she chose us to be the parents of this child because she feels in her heart that we will be able to provide and give this baby the life it deserves. She also apologized for coming across as cold, but she needs all of the above in order to close this chapter of her life. This works for Dh & I because we don't want an open adoption.

She gave me the date of her next appointment which will be on November 21st. She wants us both to go and be in the room when they give her the u/s so that we can see how the baby is doing. We plan on going to lunch and spending some time getting to know each other more.

This just seems so unreal right now. I keep thinking "Ok when is the bomb going to hit me." I don't know but I guess I will believe it even more tomorrow if our attorney calls us.


Gina- [B] I found out about the HS and moving. Because we are already certified and it doesn't expire until Jan 2006 we are fine. Once it comes close to the expiration date of the certification, our attorney's office will mail us documents to fill out and send back. The change of address will be noted in those documents and the SW will be notified and she will just have to come up to see the house and make sure it's ok for a baby to live there. She will complete her forms and mail it back to the attorney and then the will mail it off to the court for it to be renewed. They told me it's a fairly easy thing to do.

I will post tomorrow if the attorney calls me. Keep your fingers crossed for me.

Thanks
Bella

[ginadc]

Bella, that's wonderful! I'm so thrilled for you. I'm sure you can't wait for that November 21st ultrasound! Glad, too, to hear that the paperwork involved with incorporating your move into the home study is minimal.

Things are going great here. The birthmom's social worker tells me that she was delighted with our phone call and told the SW that she couldn't have picked a better family. The bfather has always been supportive of the adoption plan, but in kind of a hands-off "You handle it, I'll sign" sort of way. Now, apparently, after the bmom told him how well our conversation had gone, he's more enthusiastic about being a participant in the whole thing and was in the apartment for the meeting with the agency's local social worker last week. He also is now excited about meeting us at the hospital when the baby's born. I'm so happy about that--I know that it's probably relatively rare to be able to tell an adopted child in detail about both birthparents, and I think it's a wonderful gift to be able to give our baby.

The SW wants to plan on another conference call next week, after bmom's next doctor's appointment. At that point she should be almost 34 weeks!

Meanwhile, we're getting ready here. DH is moving along with building the bookshelf based on the really expensive one from Rosenberry Rooms:

http://store1.yimg.com/I/yhst-83532116742892_1863_116122929

He's going to start painting it tonight. I love having a handy husband!

And we got this wonderful "The Story of Me" baby scrapbook that has special insert pages for adoption! For example, there's an "all about my birth mother" page (although not one for a birthfather--I'm going to call the company and ask about one), "Starting the adoption process," and so on. I can't wait to start filling it in...very soon now. In about 7 weeks we'll be parents...still hard to believe!

[Bella213]

Ladies,

It has been an absolutely CRAZY WEEK!

Last I posted our bmom was mailing back the paperwork. Since Tuesday I have been trying to track the package and everyday FedEx is telling me that they cannot locate the tracking number in the system. So Tuesday evening I get this really bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that "something is really wrong." I proceeded to e-mail her on Wednesday and told her that I needed to make sure I had my date correct for the dr's appointment to either e-mail me or call me. And nothing... So now it's Thursday and I definitely know that something is terribly wrong. So I leave another message at home except this time I said, "We are starting to worry about you, we are ok here but really need to hear from you to make sure that you are ok, please call us back." And no call back again but I got an e-mail from her.

Apparently the bfather still didn't give her the paperwork to mail back. He said he needs more time to think about this. She thinks that he told his immediate family and they are telling him "stuff" and he is getting overwhelmed. He comes from and Italian family, and being that I am Italian too, I can put money on it that his family is raising heck right now and probably freaking out on him with the idea of placing his child up for adoption. He was comfortable with the decision before he spoke to his family so this is why I am almost positive that this is what's going on. Whatever the case, our bmom went on stating that she has made up her mind and has no idea why he is doing this. That she is going to mail her paperwork back without his anyway. She is so sorry, and I guess this is not going to be as easy as she thought it would be. Her excuse for not calling me is that her sitter has been sick and she has been scrambling to find a sitter to watch her 3 children while she goes to work in the evening. Then on top of that she is working late because they are short staffed right now. So DH & I spoke after I got the e-mail and I said to him that I don't think she realizes that even if she sends her paperwork in, that it means nothing without his and that this whole thing can't happen without his consent. This is another reason why she really needs to call me. This is just crazy!

So while all of this is happening yesterday, my cell phone rings (the adoption cell phone) so I answer it and it's another pbmom! She is 24, due Nov 11th, father knows and agrees with placing the child and they live in California! Holy Crap! Talk about brain overload! She was to the point, wanted our attorney's phone number. She explained that she & the bfather want to have this child placed all the way across the other side of the US. That she will give birth in Cali but definitely doesn't want to place the child with a family in the same state. I said "fine, here is the number, just give them a ring, tell them you spoke with me and you want the paperwork sent out immediately. So I gave her 5 minutes and I called the attorney and she was talking to the SW when I called to check. Unbelievable! I feel like this is almost worse than IVF. I called the attorney this morning and they mailed out the package last night. So here we go again.


I will keep you all posted.

Gina- I am so excited for you & Dh! I'll say it again; I love the baby's room!!!!

I'll talk to you all later.

Bella

[Summerseven]

Sorry Bella for all these up and downs. It's not an easy process and I'm so proud of you and your Dh for trying to stay strong. I check here daily for both you and Gina. It will happen soon :) Hopefully that last pbm will follow through. Just know I'm thinking of you daily and I know you'll have your sweet baby soon.

[ginadc]

Wow, Bella, what an incredible roller coaster! I totally feel for you...we went through something similar with the first failed match we had with the twins. (I still think about them; they're probably a few weeks old now and I hope their mom is handling everything okay.) She was very determined to place--very emotional about it, but determined. But she got so much pressure from bfather and her own family that she finally couldn't do it. She was from a Latino background and I think there were probably a lot of the same feelings/ideas about adoption working there as there might be in an Italian family.

But how exciting about the second call! Having the bfather on board is a real plus. And she's due very soon...in fact, she's due the exact same day that our bmom is. Maybe it's a sign? :D I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you!

We got a great e-mail from our bmother today. She's feeling okay, but getting frustrated with how tired and big she's getting! So that we could get to know her better, she sent along one of those online questionnaires with favorites, "who would you like to meet from history," and so on. I thought that was pretty great and loved reading what she had to say.

I think she has another doctor's appointment early next week, after which we'll have another check-in call. Can't wait!!

[Bella213]

Thank You Summer :) . This thread is helping me work things out.

I found out more information on the 2nd call. The SW called me yesterday morning and gave me to scoop on her. Besides for everything I mentioned before, she is living on the streets :eek: I am feeling sorry for her but very very scared about the whole thing. The SW said that this might not be what DH & I want. We may incur a lot more expenses because she probably has no health insurance etc. Also, she did give the SW her dr's name and said she has been getting pre-natal care but who knows what she did before she knew she was pregnant. SW said she would have a better idea if she mails the paperwork back and checks to see if she has been. Still the whole situation of her living on the street or in shelters is not sitting right with DH & Me. The SW said that she feels that the first call is probably the one we should focus on. She also said that if she contacts us again, tell her to mail in her paperwork and that they will deal with the bfather. Anyway, I wrote her an e-mail last night telling her that we are going to give her the space and time she needs to straighten things out with the bfather. That our desire is strong to become parents and that we are here day or night if she wants to talk.

I just can't keep calling her and leaving messages or e-mails and she is not responding at this point. I guess if this is meant to be she will call us. She is due in 6 months so a lot can change by then.

I am getting so excited for you Gina!! :D :D Thank you for the support, it means a lot to me :D

I will keep you all posting if things change.

Bella

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies,

Here is my update from our pbmom: I copied and pasted it from our e-mail but I kept the names confidental.


Hi Blank & Blank,


Sorry I havent called or replied till now. First thing, thank you for giving me space but really Im not the one that needs the space. I guess it is Blank that needs space. I really thought after our chat he was going to be very supportive of ME and STRONG of the choices I was making because I know what is best for me and US.

Blank, I dont know what the next 6 months are really going to bring into my life whether I'm going to lose a person I care for very deeply over the choices I am making or whether he will see in a while that what I am doing is the right choice. My mind has not changed and now even more so than ever I have to be even stronger because now the person I love and care about is making it harder on me.

I went over there yesterday and he bluntly said "Blank, this will make US closer than ever and I told him I am sorry Blank, but a BABY is not what is going to make US closer." He doesn't seem to understand this. I am very scared of what you and DH as the parents are going to have to go thru, as I remember your lawyer saying, "Yes they would like the fathers signature but don't need it". Does that mean it is going to be a LONG and HARDER battle for you???

I made an appointment as I really don't have anyone supportived except my MOM and I dont wanna bring his sister into this anymore as it is his sister so I am going to see a thearpist as I need someone to listen to me about all of this and to cry too and be supportive and let me know I'm not a bad person.

Please know MY MIND IS NOT CHANGING now I just fear and worry what will go on in order for you and DH to have this BABY.To be honest Blank, I wish I could take this baby out and let you carry it. I feel I cannot even go see Blank right now for the fear that he is going to try and change my mind or bring up the facts this will make US closer and blah blah blah... I feel he wants something different for the wrong reasons.

Blank

We hope that they can iron out their differences. There are more e-mails from her today which clearly state that she is moving forward with or without him. I guess once she sends in her stuff, I will know what we are up against as far as the bfathers parental rights if it gets that far. God I hope not. :(

Bella

[ginadc]

Oh Bella, how hard this must be for both you and the bmom! Your attorney should be able to advise you as to what the bfather's legal rights are and how easy/difficult it would be to challenge them in court. If he just wants the baby because he thinks it's going to "bring him closer" to the bmom, then maybe once it's clear to him that that isn't going to happen, he'll let go.

[Bella213]

Hi Gina

This is really hard. I am trying so hard not to get emotionally involved but it's very very difficult not too. Bmom has been e-mailing me a lot lately. Giving me updates on the situation at hand. Telling me the the bfather is still trying to convince her to keep the baby and so on. But she is still standing her ground that she doesn't want this child. Anyway, my best friend has been advising me as how to respond since she is not directly effected by the situation and it's been helping me. I aksed her to ask herself that if the worst case scenario happened where the bfather doesn't change his feelings about placing the child and wants to keep the child, would she be able to move forward anyway.... I am still waiting for her to respond. Now if she does come back with "yes" then I am going to have to push her to mail in the paperwork. This is not healthy for me either going back and forth with all this drama between the two of them. As my best friend put it "If she is so sure, then why hasn't she mailed in her stuff yet?" There is no reason for her not too. And she is absolutely right. She also seems me getting to involved and doesn't want me to get hurt if this doesn't pan out. Errr, the is just aweful.

Anyway, I will keep you updated.

Bella

[ginadc]

Bella, any word from bmom in response to your last e-mail? I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you! Does it seem like the bfather just wants to win her back, or does it sound like he'd actually try to challenge the adoption in order to keep the baby himself as a single parent, even if he understood that they were NOT getting back together?

Things are looking pretty good here. Bmom had her doctor's appointment on Wednesday and all went well; she says the baby is kicking up a storm. They tell her she can have the insurance-covered 36-week ultrasound at her next appointment (which is technically 35.5 weeks), so hopefully in two weeks we may know the sex of the baby (if he/she cooperates).

Anyone else out there?

[Bella213]

Hi Gina

Yes, she has been e-mailing me. Last e-mail I got she said that by Monday the 10th she was going to mail her paperwork in with out without his. And if it comes to the point that he doesn't complete his, she will call our attorney again and ask them to mail out the paperwork for the bfather. She will complete it to the best of her knowledge and mail it back. As far as I know he just wants to keep this baby for the wrong reasons and it's not acceptable to her. She told him that if he wants to play hardball that she will disappear from his life and she will never look back. So we are keeping our fingers crossed here the next few days and hopefully she will be sending everything in by Monday. The waiting game is just killing me. I am still not 100% convinced that she is pregnant. I have has so many wacky calls that I have a hard time believing anything she says right now. Dh said that "Until we get the call from the attorney that they got the paperwork, as far as I am concerned, she is not for real." I am trying to keep myself grounded mentally but it is a struggle because I think with my heart and that's not good in a situation like this.

I am so happy for you. I hope that the baby cooperates and you get to find out the sex :) When is her due date again?

I guess it's just you and I in this thread. Except when Summer pops in, right?

Well, it's late and I need to go to bed. We sold our house and bought a new one and we need to be out of this one by the 31st of this month. I can't believe how much stuff we have :eek: Good time to throw things out that you haven't used in a while, right.

TTYL

Bella

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies

So all weekend we were on pins & needles waiting to hear the outcome of what the bfather decided to do. I am just going to cut and paste the e-mail I got from the bmother this afternoon: Remember she told me that she was mailing in her paperwork on Monday with or without his information. Also keep in mind that we have e-mailed each other a total of 72 e-mails

Blank,

Things are very rough right now....I am very lost on everything I should do. My mind has not changed about not keeping this BABY if anything I really feel this baby has messed up my life already. Blank n I are not talking. I had to find a new babysitter and things aren't good.

Blank told me not to allow adoption. To make "the other choice" then if I didn't want to have this BABY for US, we could make things work. I don't want do that, and I have to be honest, I love Blank deeply but he should not be this way. So I have a lot going thru my mind day n night.

I'm almost to the point of not being able to have "the other thing" done, THANK GOD, but I'm so lost because it really does bother me not to talk to Blank or his family.

I'm very alone n lost.

Blank

My response was:

Blank,

I'm sorry you are so lost and feel alone. We just don't know how much more we can do at this point. We are happy your mind has not changed. I'm sure it was quite a relief when you sent the paperwork yesterday knowing that that part is done.

We are here if you want to talk.

Blank

Her Response:

Blank,

No, I didnt send papers out yesterday. I had forgotten to do it. I guess I just need to do this all the best way I can do it. I really don't know what else to say at this time...I really don't know what else to say right now..


No one knows what im going thru or how I even feel right now and this is all so hard on me...

So my final response was:

Blank,

I'm so sorry you are going through all of this. I see that this is going to be a long road for you and a lot of decisions must be made. Decisions that Dh & I can't help you with. You know where we stand and that will not change. Since you are not able to commit to us I am going to assume this isn't going to happen at this point. If and when you feel you are ready to go forward please call me. Either way we wish you the best of luck and always know that we will be thinking of you. We hope we can continue this journey with you.

Until then, my god bless you with strength and courage.
Hugs
Me

This was the hardest thing for me to do. But I felt myself being pulled to deep into this and we still have yet to actually know if she is pregnant. I am hoping that I did the right thing. I just feel like I am abandoning her and that is so not like me. But Dh is telling me that this had to be done. You can't torture yourself waiting and waiting and it might never happen. I guess he is right, but it still hurts :(

[Summerseven]

Oh Bella, I'm so sorry. From the way the situation was turning out, I think you made the right decision. The Pbm shouldn't have contacted you until she had all her details worked out. It's not fair for her to keep stringing you along.((hugs)) Keep the faith, your precious angel will find you, I know it.:)

[Astro]

Bella I'm not sure if you remember me from the WC, but I wanted to say I'm so sorry to hear what's happened. I wish there was something I could do other than send you oodles of hugs.

[Bella213]

Astro! Hi There! I was so happy to see your post! I miss all of you. I feel so out of touch with the IVF thing now that I almost feel I can't post in there anymore :( It stirs up so many memories that I am trying to keep behind but my connection to all of you is still there. How are you? What is going on with you? Obviously, you know the situation I am in. :( God willing, this is all going to get straigtened out and the bfather will come to his senses.

Well to update you all, the bmom e-mailed me late last night and this is what she wrote:

Blank,

See I know and I feel I REALLY dont even have u guys....It really doesn't matter. I kinda felt I was gonna have to do everything on own and I guess even more so now. I know their are things you cannot help with me and everything.


Blank, being pregnant and not having any feelings or anything for this BABY isnt me. I love each 1 of my kiddos and I cannot this BABY. I don't love this baby. I wish this was someone else going thru this and not me. I thought I could be strong with letting Blank go but when you really love and care about someone that's very hard but it still doesn't change my mind about my plans for this child.

If you wanna pull away from me I will undetrstand everything is just happening so fast for ME.

I really got hurt by this. How could she say this to me after I have been telling her that we are here but there is nothing more we can do unless she mails in the paperwork :mad:

My Response

Blank,

You do have us sweetie. From the first time you and I spoke, I felt connected to you and that will never change. I am hurting for you because I am a woman and I understand everything you are saying. This is extremely difficult for me too. You are trying to make our biggest dream come true, and that is to become parents and at the same time, the man you love is not supporting you. And the thought of Blank not being there for you mentally is just killing me. How can I not feel or understand for you set aside that I know how painful it is to lose someone you love. I do know. Blank, DH & I really meant it when we said that our mind will remain the same. We want to be the parents to love this baby forever. But what can DH & I do at this point sweetie? I find myself crying every time I read your e-mails because I don't know what to do to ease your pain. Our attorney keeps telling us that there's nothing we can do until the papers are mailed back, so I sit here lost myself. Lost because DH & I want to be there for you. We want so bad to drive up to meet you and talk and be there for you, but we can't because of the gosh darn paperwork! What do you want us to do? Tell me. What do you want me to say to make you understand that we are not pulling away, but that we have to sit here and just wait and pray that Blank comes around...

We want this baby; you know that we say this with all heart and soul. I wish there was a way that you could give me the baby to carry it for the next 6 months, I wish, but it's just not possible. I wish to God that Blank wasn't doing this to you. I wish he understood why you feel this way and why you are doing what you are doing. There has not been a day that has gone by that I don't think of you. There is not been a day that I don't look at the phone and pray that it rings and that it's you on the other end. Not one day goes by.

I think about you and your situation all the time, and I cry quietly for know one understands what a woman goes through when she is pregnant. Changes come and sometimes they are wanted and sometimes they are not. I know your life is going to change of the next 6 months and you made the choice to go through these changes to make another families dream come true. You are an unselfish, courageous and determined woman Blank and don't let anyone make you feel any different. Know that DH & I, even though we haven't met, respect and admire your strength.

We are moving in the next 3 weeks and I so desperately want to start on the baby's room, but I am so scared at the same time. We are trying so hard not to buy things. We want to be prepared but we don't know what is going to happen.

Please don't think we are pulling away because we are not. We are here, we just don't know how much more we can do.

I am here for you Blank.

This is just making me sick to my stomach. She should have never called us. This should have been worked out before so that we didn't have to be put through this torture either. I don't know if I should be angry or if I should be upset. I am at my wits end at this point and I am ready to throw the towel in. She thinks that we don't feel or understand..:confused: She is not understanding that we are going through a difficult time with her mentally even though we haven't met yet. She said at one point that she understands how and why we would doubt her and because of that, that she insured us that she put our minds at ease and mail in the paperwork. She has yet to move forward so what am I supposed to do or think??? I am sorry for venting here, but I have no where else to go where I can vent to other women who have been down this path :(

Bella

[Astro]

Bella, I know what you mean about it being difficult to post to the IVF boards. I'm having problems going there as well. My DH and I got pregnant with twins last spring. We were so excited, but cautious. We made it through the first trimester and started telling friends. I started showing in mid-August. Then in the beginning of September, our boys were still-born at 16 weeks. We named them, buried them, and are trying to heal. It takes time.

It sounds like you're sort of going through a similar grieving process. It sounds like the pbm contacted you before she had everything in order, before she knew what the plan was going to be, before she got the pbf on board, and before all involved agreed to the plan. I agree with you that she shouldn't have initiated any of this until she and the pbf were in agreement.

I think you probably responded to her initial contact as many women do to the BFP. Then it started to become reality, you and your DH started planning for the child (at least in your heads), you had dreams of the future of your family that involved this child. Unfortunately you are now going through the roller-coaster of not knowing what's going to happen. I wish there was something I could say or do to help, but I know there isn't. I'm sending you tons of hugs and support.

I think you're behaving/communicating very well. You've been very clear when you've sent her e-mails, but she's just not able to understand what you've said. I hope this situation resolves soon so you and your dh can move forward on expanding your family.

[ginadc]

Oh Bella...I'm so sorry about all this! :( :( I agree with Astro; it sounds as if the pbmom pulled you into the situation well before she should have, before she'd worked things out in her own mind--not only about what she was going to do about the baby, but how she would handle the father and all the attendant baggage.

I think you've made every effort to be there for her. And let me be cynical for a second: yes, you care about her. But you didn't show up at a crisis center to volunteer to be a buddy or mentor to someone going through an unwanted pregnancy or other difficult life situation. You reached out to adopt a baby. And while I know you care about her and she needs someone on her side, I think it's perhaps too much for her to expect that you will be there, giving all this unconditional emotional support--while just putting aside all your hopes and dreams about the baby as there is no way to know what will happen with adoption, bfather's consent, and so on. That's just too difficult of an emotional ride for her to expect you to put yourself through.

When we decide to adopt and get matched with a birthmother/birthparents, to some extent we're all taking a leap of faith. There's no promise or guarantee that the end of the ride will mean a baby, and we know that. We're not the ones in control of any of the decisions, really, other than whether we will agree to a match or not (and how hard is it to say no, even if a situation seems like it might have problems, when it seems like the dream of a child is so close at hand)?

So to some degree we all have to protect ourselves ... or we'll wind up torn to shreds emotionally. In situations like this birthmother's, while you can be a friend to her, you can't and shouldn't be a counselor, or even "The only one who's there for me now." It's not fair to you--and really it's not fair to her either. Does your attorney maybe have any ideas of counselors, social workers, programs, other kinds of support she can be referred to so she doesn't have to feel so completely alone and can work through some of her emotions about the pregnancy, her relationship with the father and the end of it, the fact that he's opposing adoption, and all of that--with somebody who has some experience in this and doesn't have their own emotional stake in the outcome?

I'll be thinking of you and I hope everything turns out well for you and for her. If this match doesn't work out, I know another one will. Having been through a failed match before, I know how hollow those words might sound when you think about the possibility of starting over again, but it does happen.

[Bella213]

Astro - I am so sorry sweetie. I had no idea that you lost the babies :( It just broke my heart yesterday when I read your post :( I am at a loss for words. A big hug to you and DH. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Gina- Everything you said made so much sense. She is getting some outside help, a therapist. She is telling me that it is helping a little but I guess losing the support of the person you love is overwhelming her. You are right, I can't bare all of this burden. I know that in my heart. I have tried to pull away and tell her that we are here and call us when the matter is resolved and we can pick up from there, but everytime I tell her that there is nothing we can do, she turns and says that Dh & I aren't there for her. I don't know what else to do at this point. I am no longer holding my breath for her. I am getting stronger by the day emotionally that possibly this is not going to hapen. I called the attorney yesterday and they said there is really nothing we or they can do until she sends in the paperwork. Same story over and over again. She is going to have to make a decision sooner or later with regards to this child and her boyfriend and it really has nothing to do with us. I feel like I am beating a dead horse. Sometimes I wish that the bfather would just call us and talk to us and get a feel as to who we are and why she connected with us. But I don't think at this point, that this is going to happen.

Today she goes to the doctor for a u/s. She is not feeling well, she thinks it's the stress, so they slid her in on the schedule. She also mentioned that she thinks that she is further along than she thought she was because she is starting to show. Being that she is already a mom of 3, she pretty much knows what her body does when she is pregnant. She will hopefully have a better idea as to when her EDD will be today. It's going to be a long 5 to 6 months and yes, there is absolutely no guarantee in the end. DH & I talked and he pretty much told me that he is not holding out hope for her anymore. That as far as he is concerned, she in not pregnant until we get the proof. I am starting to see it his way now in order to keep my sanity. We have some much going on in our lives, moving to a new house, sellling our home etc that it's getting easier for me to let this go with everyday that goes by. The way I am looking at this is that, she knows how to reach us so if this is meant to be it's meant to be.

Thank you for checking in. I was hoping to read what input you had on the situation and this is why I posted the e-mails that have been going back and forth between the 2 of us. ;)

Bella

[Bella213]

Hi Everyone

Update:

Bmother attempted to speak to bfather on Saturday evening. It didn't go well once again. He is angry that she is not on board with having this child and keeping it together. We found out that she is actually 4 months pregnant so the other option is out the window. She is lost and confused and just doesn't know what to do anymore. Her relationship with the bfather is finished, she is stuck "as she calls it" with a baby she doesn't want or love and she is frightened of what he might do to us if she moves forward. I haven't heard from her since Sunday morning so Dh & I are assuming that this is not going to work out and we are moving on. I just can't help thinking about what is going to happen once she gives birth. I get the feeling that she will just give him the kid and take off. How sad.:( Anyway, such is life.

Gina- How is everything going with you? Anything new?

Bella213

[ginadc]

Argh, Bella, I'm so sorry. This has to be so frustrating! Is it even harder than if it just definitely were a no go--like if she herself changed her mind and said, "No, I'm keeping the baby?" The fact that it's sort of up in the air has to be so hard. I think you're wise to assume at this point that it's not going to work out and try to protect your heart as much as you can. But I know that's not easy!

Things are looking pretty good here. We had our "30 days out" conference call with our adoptive family specialist on Monday, which was exciting but didn't exactly tell us much of anything we didn't either already know or that wasn't common sense. I am a little nervous because I haven't heard from bmom in a few days; I e-mailed her on Monday morning after our conference call, just to check in and see how she's doing. I'm pretty sure her ultrasound appointment is today and we're dying with anticipation to find out how it goes; both in terms of whether they're able to determine gender, but also just what things look like in terms of positioning, how the pregnancy is progressing, and so on.

I have a ton of work to do over the next 2.5 weeks (as a freelancer, I'm trying to stockpile a little extra financial cushion for the time when I'll be taking off work), so I find myself hoping that she doesn't go into labor before she reaches 38 weeks...but then I think I'm being crazy for wishing for anything other than that things go well and nothing happens to jeopardize the adoption.

Bella, I'm crossing my fingers for you that the right birthmom finds you quickly!

[Bella213]

Gina Look!

Our Birthmother Wrote Us!


Blank,

Sorry I havent replied back till now...

So much is going on, Blank called me and chatted with me here on line and asked if I have even met with the parents I want or made the choice for this BABY. And I was honest with him and he said he is upset at the fact that I would fill out papers before even meeting people face to face. He said I cannot go by talking to people over the phone that it is not healthy. I asked him what you want me to do then Blank, please tell me and I will try and do it..

He said to meet with whomever before I go signing papers and get to know them face to face. I said "Ok Blank, if I do that then will you fill out the paperwork and give it to me and after I meet with the parents then I can give it to them so they can give that to their lawyer? And he has agreed to doing this, so Im gonna go over there today and get his end of the paperwork!!!!!!!!!So I dont know when you can come to meet me and I will give you the papers the day that we meet or if you feel like you can do this.

I didn't even call Blank, he called me and asked me that question and I asked him if I met with the parents and my heart feels is right then will you do EVERYTHING to stand behind me and be supportive for me and my kids??? He said he would and that he can see by now I'm a woman that is set in my own ways and he is figuring out that I'm doing right by everyone and not just for myself. I told him that's all I have been trying to do. He did ask things about the labor and everything and I told him what I have in my birth plan and that's how I want it to be. That yes, I would LOVE for him to be there after it's all done and be by my side but I want NO ONE but the parents to be in room with me. He said he understands.

Blank

I am jumping up and down right now!! :D :D I hope and pray that we can meet her this weekend. We are closing on our new house tomorrow but if she wants we will drive up there right after!

I will keep you posted!

Bella

[ginadc]

Oh Bella--that's wonderful!!!! I am so excited for you! How far away is she? I can't wait to hear if you're able to meet with her this weekend. :D :D I have to say I am very impressed with how serious she is about this, how clear she is in her decision and how much she's communicating everything to you. That's amazing. Can you believe this roller coaster ride we're on?

Meanwhile-- drat! We have to wait another week on the sonogram!

I just received an e-mail from birthmom's social worker, and apparently the doctor decided to wait and do the sonogram next week. (Not sure why.) Her appointment next week is Tuesday, but she wasn't sure if the doctor meant to do the sonogram at that same appointment or a different day, so as soon as she figures that out, we'll schedule a conference call with SW, birthmom, us, and possibly either the birthfather and/or a good friend of birthmom's who's moved in and is helping out, to take place after the sonogram.

I'm frustrated that we have to wait another week to find out sono results, but it's a relief to hear news!

Meanwhile, she has stipulated in her birth plan that she wants us in the delivery room along with birthfather and her friend, who's living with her. We'll have to see if her doctor will allow this; apparently the number of people the hospital allows in the room varies by doctor, and she forgot to ask him at the last appt. I'm really thrilled that she wants us both there, though! The doctor says that everything's going well and that starting next week he'll begin checking her cervix and dilation.

How exactly am I supposed to concentrate on work with all this on my mind?

[Bella213]

Gina- She is due March 20th! She has been so upfront and honest from the first time we spoke and it hasn't changed. It's just be very scary the past 3 weeks since the bfather was not on board. I am so thankful that the two of them are working out there differences and that their relationship just might survive this whole thing. I just felt terrible that he was turning his back on her when she needed him the most. Anyway, like my DH keeps telling me, until I have those papers in my hands and we actually meet her, this is not real for me. I just want this rollercoaster ride to come to an end already..

Bummer on the u/s... Anticipation kills me. Tell me about not being able to focus on work....:rolleyes: That is awesome that she wants you in the delivery room. I am sure that if it comes down to only 2 people in the delivery room, hopefully she will pick you and Dh over her friend. But I guess you and her will work out the details. You know there was a point where I wanted to be surprised but now I can't wait to find out what she is having. Dh & I can't wait for that moment to happen. Where she will be giving birth, they will allow both of us in. Also, she is going to transfer out of the room so that Dh & I can be alone with the baby and she will move off the maternity wing. Although, I have to say, Dh is not really into watching the whole thing if you know what I mean.:eek: TMI He kind of feels weird about it so he might just assist me with helping her push and then when the baby is born, he will scoot over and cut the cord...lol I made her a promise and that was not to tell her what the sex of the baby is so I have to be on my toes when this baby is born so that no one blurts it out. I guess once we get the papers we can start preparing. I am just so scared Gina. I want to start buying stuff and everytime I go to, I turn around and get back into my car. Did you feel this way too?

Bella

[ginadc]

Wow, we've been quiet for a couple of days. Any more news, Bella?

We are having a conference call with birthmom tonight to get more detailed plans made for Birth Day. She had two ultrasounds this week--the second one as kind of a "gift" after the little one was very modest during ultrasound #1 and refused to reveal his or her gender. Unfortunately, the shy performance was repeated the second time, so we're going to have a surprise in the delivery room!

But everything about the ultrasound apparently looked good. Bmom is not yet starting to thin out or dilate, apparently, so she may go right up to her due date; we're going to ask more tonight about whether the doc thinks that will be the original due date of November 11, or the due date that would result if the doc's estimate of her being 37 weeks this coming Sunday--which would be November 20.

Bmom is being so incredibly thoughtful it's unbelievable. She's double-checked with the doctor that we can be there for delivery as long as there are no complications (he says it's fine) and wants us to cut the cord--how exciting is that? She really wants us to be able to be there in the delivery room, so we're going to try and figure out how to get down there in time. I'd like to try and leave a couple of days early, but the problem is even knowing what "a couple of days early" means! It doesn't sound like she's likely to go into labor anytime in the next week, but who knows?

So we're trying to get ourselves as organized as possible. We're finishing the nursery this weekend: DH is finishing the bookshelf, I'm painting two ledge shelves for the wall (for "treasures" we want to display up above the reach of small fingers), and we're putting up these adorable bunny sconces we found online in place of the old light fixtures. At some point, too, I think we're going to get a suitcase at least partially packed with baby stuff we want to bring and some clothes for us.

It seems so surreal!

[Bella213]

Hi Gina,

OMG, I am getting so excited for you :D :D ! This is awesome news! I am very happy to hear that the bmother is making sure the 2 of you can be present at the birth and yes cutting the cord is just awesome!!!! I can't wait until I can be in the same situation as you ;)

Nothing really new to report here. I am getting, I guess, frustrated with the bmom. I am upset that she communicated the good news via e-mail instead of calling. I thought that was very odd since she has been " going through a difficult time with the bfather and the worst part about it is that it's been almost 2 weeks since she gave us the news and she still hasn't called or made a real attempt in making concrete plans to meet. I am really starting to wonder about her. She told me that she had to go to her mom's because she didn't have enough money for fuel for the house she lives in until next payday. So I responded with, "Well let's make plans ASAP and once Dh & I have the papers, we can try and help out so that you don't have to go to mom's." She totally ignored the offer up to date. On Tues she writes that she is at moms and she left her oldest daughter with a friend so that she doesn't have to drive her 1-hour each way everyday to take her to school and back. 2 days before that she said she had to go to the ER because she wasn't feeling good but it ended up being stress but THE BABY IS OK. And then she said that her car is acting up and it might need an alignment or balance of the tires and if she get's everything done and get's some rest, maybe we can meet this weekend. :mad:

I am like "Whatever" at this point. She is really starting to annoy me because she is fully aware of how much Dh & I want to meet her and get this ball rolling and I feel that she is totally dismissing our feelings and what we are going through mentally. We have so much going on right now, moving and selling our current home etc. Plus our 800# is still not working!!! I am going to kill Verizon. They are going to try and get it up and running again today for the 7th time. So that even angers me more because a pbmoms can't even get through ERRRRR..:mad:

Sorry for the vent....

Bella

[Astro]

Bella,

I'm sorry the potential bm is being such a pain. It sounds like she's just stringing you along. (sorry if that sounds harsh or hurts). It also sounds like she's trying to find money or sympathy since she's mentioning her car needing fixed, she doesn't have money so has to move to her mom's, etc. If I was in your shoes, I'd be very hurt, confused, and angry about what she's been writing. None of it makes sense.

Sending hugs. Hope your 800 number is up and working soon.

[IrisHope]

True, but then why wouldn't she take any of Bella's money?

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies

Good news first.

DH got home yesterday and found a FedEx Package at the door. When he saw it came from our attorney, he quickly opened it to find a letter from him and a package from a pbmom. So apparently a pbmom from Oregon has selected us with possibly another couple! Anyway, we went through the paperwork and we decided we are interested. She is 16 and so is the dad. The both match what we are looking for so I immediately called the attorney and left him a message that we are interested. Hopefully they will call me today.

Bad News:

The other bmom, has kind of disappeared of the face of the earth. One excuse after another why she hasn't been able to meet us etc. We have thrown in the towel on her. I can't deal with all the "BS" anymore. We have offered to help, to meet and the worst part is she hasn't even picked up the phone once since the initial calls. I am at the point of "Whatever" right now. As far as I am concerned, she was another wacko out there.

Gina- What is going on?? Any news yet?? I think about you all the time. When you get a chance, post and give us an update. :)

Astro- Such is life right? I am getting so strong with all this stuff. I guess that's good for me because I have a tendency to think with my heart a lot and because of that I am constantly getting hurt. But I actually feel good about this whole thing. Just another experience and I am truly able to move on without looking back.

Anyway, I have to get ready for work.

Hugs to you all

Bella

[Bella213]

Holy crap, it has been a heck of a week in our household.

First thing first- The bmom that I have been going back and forth with just disappeared off the face of the earth. No more e-mails, not one once communication in almost 2 weeks. Oh well, I guess she taught me a valuable lesson and that is no one is real until I get the proof. I get home on Tuesday and there is a fedex package on the kitchen table. It's from our attorney. A REAL bmom is interested in us. Al her info was there for us to read and so on. I called the attorney the next day and told them that we are definately interested an to mail out information for her review. Anyway there is a few more couples she is also looking at so basically we wait. Then today I get a call at around 1:00 pm or so from the legal aid specialist at our office. She tells me that a baby girl was born yesterday in NY and an agency that they have dealt with before called to see if they had anyone interested. So the situation is:

The bmom wants to place the child. The bfather is going to jail because he beat an 80 year old woman almost to death. He refuses to sign the consent but from what I have been told is that if we are given this baby, within 3 months our documents will be approved in court to finalize the adoption therefore given that he is in jail by that time and even if he retains a court appointed attorney, he won't have a leg to stand on. OMG!!!!:eek: I almost fell of my chair! I immedately put her on hold an conferenced in DH. He was freaked out about the whole bfather not signing but after asking a million questions and also getting his sister involved (she is an attorney) we decided that the odds were slim to none that he could pose a threat once we have her in our home and everything is finalized. He will never know our names, or the state we live in because the court will seal all documents for atleast 20 years. So the legal aid specialist calls the agency back and tells them that we are ineterested in moving forward and they said that there is another couple expressing interest too. So she said "expressing interest and ready to go are two different situations." So the agency said that they were waiting for the bmom to come in sometime today to sign the consent forms. Once she came in they would be able to give her more information. So the legal aid is on call all weekend and if all goes well and the agency decides to move forwward with us, we might have her as late as Monday evening!!!! :eek: :eek:

We are so not prepared for any of this. I am running out tomorrow and I am going to buy a car seat. I can't believe this. It's either Feast or Famin in our life.

I will keep you posted if and when something changes.

Bella

[karlatta]

Hey ladies, I was hoping I could join here. Soon I'll go back and read all the stories to catch up. DH and I just finished our last cycle TTC with the RE and are now moving to adoption. I'm completely lost at where to start! I have so many questions, and I've tried to look on-line and I never seem to be able to find clear-cut answers.

I know that the adoptions are expensive. Can I go ahead and start working with an agency even though DH and I don't have all of the money we need yet? Should I work with an agency or an attorney? When should we tell people we are adopting? So many things I just don't know!

Anyway, here are my stats:

Name Karla
Married June 2002
Age 25
Reason for Adopting We want a child and haven't been able to get pregnant, so this is the next logical step. We always planned to adopt eventually - we just decided to see first if we could conceive a child. It didn't work out, so here we are!
Type of Adoption Domestic - once they open adoptions from Vietnam, we'll probably try to adopt from there too (DH is Vietnamese)
Adoption Status Just starting out

I'm so glad this group is here, and I look forward to sharing my experiences with you all!

[ginadc]

Bella, oh my gosh!! Look what happens when I don't check this thread for awhile! How exciting--you might be a mommy within days! Have you heard anything further yet? I agree that the bfather's refusal to sign consent would be worrying, at least a bit, but given his current criminal status, I have a feeling a court would look rather dimly on any attempt he might make to challenge the adoption legally. A little girl...you must just be out of your mind with excitement and impatience!

Karlatta, welcome! It's pretty daunting trying to start out on the adoption path, isn't it? There are so many options and everything is confusing.

I think how much you can do on an adoption without having all the money together depends on the process you're doing. For us, our agency required small fees up front to get started, and then a chunk of money that will amount to about 1/6 of our total adoption cost when we were "activated"--which means they started presenting our profile to potential birthmothers. When we were matched, we had to immediately (well, within a few days) provide the rest of the fee. (If the match fails, some but not all of that money gets refunded; if any of it is living assistance to bmom, for example, that is "at risk" money.) So...you don't have to have all the money together right when you start out, but if things move more quickly than you think and you get matched very quickly, you may need to come up with the rest of your fees in a hurry.

I think you'll hear of people who have worked with both agencies and attorneys and been happy with either option (and probably some people who've been very UNhappy with either option, if they happened on an unethical/problematic agency or attorney). Bella is using an attorney and we're using an agency. We chose the agency we did after a lot of research; we found several that we liked, and then checked up on them by asking around for references. Adoption.com's forums are a good place to ask questions about specific agencies (I think there's less information there about attorneys, probably because there are so many individual ones that it may be difficult to find someone who's used the same attorney you're looking at). We got positive feedback on our agency by asking about it there, and also felt good about it because it's a large national agency that handles 300 or so adoptions a year--we figured we would get more "exposure" that way and have a better chance of being matched sooner.

Hope we can help with other questions you might have as you go forward!

Meanwhile--we are in "ANY MINUTE NOW!!!" mode. Birthmom called on Tuesday night to let us know that at her doc's appointment that day, he found that she was 1 cm dilated, partially effaced and the baby's head had dropped. Now, since absolutely nothing had been happening at her appt. the week before, he was pretty impressed with how fast she'd progressed. He told her he thought she'd be having the baby before her next appointment (this coming Tuesday). :eek: :D :eek: :D

Now, I also know more than one woman who's said "Yeah, my doctor told me that too and I was still pregnant a week and a half later," so we're not jumping on a plane yet. But we're on high alert, bags as packed as they can be, and getting as much work as possible out of the way so we can fly down there ASAP when we get the call.

She is also considering asking the doctor if he will induce her if she hasn't gone into labor by Tuesday; she was told that if she goes to 40 weeks (she's 38 weeks Tuesday), the baby looks like he or she will be over 9 pounds, and she's very nervous about delivering a baby that big. Now, ultrasound estimates of size are notoriously unreliable, but I have to say it would be nice if she could call us on Tuesday and say "Doctor has scheduled an induction for Thursday, you can fly down anytime." Of course, that's not the important part--the important part is that she has a good, healthy, safe delivery that's as easy as possible for her. But I so hope we can be there!

Fortunately, she's in Orlando and we're near NYC, and flights from Newark to Orlando are practically every hour on the hour--so we should be able to get there pretty quickly.

So...if I disappear again, I may be coming back to tell you that we're parents!!

[LindsaySD]

I have been lurking in this thread for awhile. My mother, herself adopted, adopted my older brother and sister before having me and lost many babies from birth mothers before she received them. I have talked with her in depth about her 7-year struggle to conceive a child, and I just wanted to tell you all that I don't know how you keep going. It is an emotional rollercoaster, but it looks like everything is turning out fantastically for you! You are all going to be wonderful mothers!!

[Bella213]

GINA!!!!!:eek: OMG, you must be doing back flips! I would be!!! God, I am so happy for you! You're gonna be a mommy in a few days! Oh how exciting!! I wish you all the best sweety!!!

I am telling you my life is absolutely nuts! I am still waiting to hear from the legal aid. She called me late Saturday to tell me that the bmom picked the other couple that was still not sure they wanted to move forward. So she said that if they said "No" we were the 2nd choice for the bmom. And if they don't take the opportunity, we can bring the baby home on Tuesday. She was born 25 min north of where we live! I just wish things would go my way for once. But if it's meant to be it's meant to be.

On another note, guess who finally came out of the woodworks....Yep the bmom from upstate NY. She send me an e-mail yesterday that she is sorry it's been so long, that the bfather is now giving her a hard time again because she has hesitated to meet us, yada, yada and her life is so messed up.

Well I let her have it. And just ripped into her. Telling her that it's not about "Just Her" anymore, it's about us and our feelings too. I went on and asked her why she never made plans and all this time went by. Why she has created a distance between her and us and why has she stopped calling and all I get are e-mails. Well she was floored with my response. She proceeded to threaten that maybe DH & I aren't the right couple and maybe she needs to start looking again. That we can't possibly understand what a bmom goes through and sorry if she wasted our time.

My response was Don't you dare turn this around and say "WE DON'T UNDERSTAND AND WE ARE NOT BEING SUPPORTIVE" I told her that she has no right to say that and it's just not fair that she feels she can threaten us in such a fashion. That we have been waiting and waiting and waiting and what does she expect us to think when we haven't heard from her in almost 3 weeks???! Well she went on to say that she was sorry if she hurt Dh & Me. That maybe she was pre-mature in making the inital call to us and dragging us into this whole matter before she could resolve it. That she wants to create a bond and wants the adoptive parents to be able to tell this baby whem he or she grows up how stong she was and how much she cared enough to make sure he or she got a good life and that's way she gave this child to a loving family. Well, we ended the e-mails with "We are here and call us when you are ready and able to move forward"

We have so much going on that I am at the point now where I really don't think about her and the situation anymore. If she is real and she is ready to move forward we will make the time.

Karlatta- Like Gina mentioned, we have a private attorney. His fee was $5,800 for everything. I have no idea what agencies charge but I was reccommended by someone to use this attorney and our experience has been pretty good so far. We were told from the get go that we would be billed in installments so we stared up with him in mid June and we are already paid up in full with him.

I have to run and get ready for work. I will keep you posted with any updates.

Bella

[IrisHope]

Hello Everyone,
I am Bella213 best friend and wanted to share some exciting news. Bella received a phone call this morning that the other couple denied the baby so Bella and her husband are picking up their brand new baby tomorrow morning!!!! Welcome Lauren Marie!!!!!!!!!

[Jen1098]

I've been lurking along and reading everyone's stories. You ladies are amazing and your children are going to be so lucky to have you all.

A big congrats to you Bella.

[Summerseven]

Wow so much excitement in here!

Bella!!- Congratulations!! I'm so thrilled for you!

Gina!!- What wonderful news, I'm anxiously awaiting your return :)

Karla- Welcome! I hope you can get the answers you need. I'm not too familar with the domestic adoptions.

[Ole Miss Bride]

OMG! OMG! OMG! I just got chills reading that! Oh!!! Congratulations, Bella!

Eeeeeee!!!! I'm going to cry!

Okay, back to lurking. ;)

-Betsy

[ginadc]

OH MY GOSH!!! How exciting! Bella, I'm so thrilled for you--congratulations and welcome, Lauren Marie! Sounds as if we will be new mommies together. Are you just going mad with gathering all the stuff you need in anticipation of picking up your new daughter tomorrow? Cannot wait to see pictures!

We are still waiting--taptaptaptap--and I'm not sure who's more frustrated, us or bmom! I think her doctor didn't really do her any favors with the "I won't see you next week" line; now that it looks as if she'll still be pregnant for her appt. tomorrow, it's just making her disappointed. (She said this morning, wanting to know where those dratted labor pains are, "I've had less pain this week than I did through the whole rest of the pregnancy!") We'll see what the doctor says tomorrow...

[melissafromnc]

Coming out of lurkerdom to say CONGRATS to Bella!!!!! Welcome, Lauren Marie indeed.

WOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!

[Astro]

Congratulations Bella, Bella's husband, and Lauren Marie! I'm so happy and excited for the 3 of you. :D :D :D

Gina, I hope you get news soon!

[Sabriel]

Another lurker here to say CONGRATS TO BELLA! Welcome Lauren Marie!!! Woohoo!

[Bastille]

Congrats to BELLA, BELLA's DH and your new little baby girl! This is just incredibly happy news. Bella you were born to be a mommy and now that dream is being fulfilled!! So happy and can't wait to hear all the details. This is going to be the most wonderful Holiday season for you all!

[Kimmiebride]

Hooray for Lauren Marie!! Bella, congrats on your happy little family!!! That's so wonderful!!
big hugs,
Kimmie

[Bella213]

HI EVERYONE!!!!!!!:D :D :D :D

OMG!!!! I can't even being to describe what I am feeling right now! I am shocked, confused overwhelmed with joy and I can't stop screaming inside! This has been one of the happiest days in my life. It's right up there with when my husband and I got married. I have been going bonkers all day long getting stuff for our daughter tomorrow. Our daughter, it still sounds so strange that I am actually saying those words. Words that I have longed to say for too long. I am going to be a mommy tomorrow! HOLY @#!$.....LOL I have laughed and I have cried tears of joy all day long. It seems like a dream to me.

DH's family is coming up tomorrow after we get home. My friends can't wait to come and see her and DH & I can't wait until we actually hold her and tell her how much we love her and how much she will be forever loved.

I can't wait to spoil her and kiss her and just look at her.

IrisHope Thank you sweetheart for posting for me. I don't know what I would have done without you all these years. You have been there for me through all of my good times and bad times and there is no one I would rather have as a best friend in my life but you.;) Our daughter's will grow up together and hopefully they will become best friends like we did. Thank you for everything. I can't wait for Lauren to meet her Aunt Iris ;)

Gina Can you believe this??!! How crazy is it. Yes, I am going crazy getting stuff and washing clothes for her before she wears them etc.. I can't wait to get the news about you now!

A big THANK YOU to everyone that came in and posted there good wishes to us. I thank you all for caring and being there for me. It means a lot to know that we can all support each other through thick and thin.

I am going to end this post here as I am exhausted and I need to get probably one of the last good night sleep for the next couple of months. I promise to post pictures as soon as DH uploads them


HUGS TO YOU ALL

Bella

[crazycaro]

Oh Bella!!! I just read your news and am crying for you! Oooh I cannot wait for the updated posts from after you have collected your precious daughter. I hope we get to see her. :)

Congrats to you and hubby!

Caroline

[ginadc]

Today's the day, Bella! I get chills just thinking that you're probably either on your way to meet your daughter or holding her right now. How amazingly fast life changes!

Our bmom goes to the doctor again today...hopefully he'll find that she's literally on the verge of going into labor and we can jump on that plane!

[annielynn]

Bella, I am just so happy for you! This has got to be completely thrilling beyonds words. I know that I can speak for everyone that we cannot wait to see pictures of your new daughter! CONGRATULATIONS MOMMY!

[BsstGrl]

I too have been lurking in the thread as I hope we'll be able to adopt someday. I just wanted say a big Congrats to Bella! I'm so excited for you and after reading all the frustrations and situations you guys have gone through, you definitely deserve this! I hope you enjoy your bonding time and you have a fabulous day meeting your daughter today!

I'm also still sending good wishes to all those still waiting, good luck and I hope the process is a quick one for you!

[karlatta]

Oh, wow, Bella! I got goosebumps reading your post. I am thrilled to death for you! Congratulations! And welcome to Lauren Marie!

[IrisHope]

I was on the phone with her 10 minutes ago and they were in their lawyers office waiting for the baby and all of a sudden I heard her scream "THERE'S THE BABY" and she hung up on me. SHE'S OFFICIALLY A MOMMY!!!!!!!!!

[jesvet]

Another lurker offering HUGE congratulations! LOL at getting hung up on, Iris- it's for a great reason!

[TaterBaby]

I came across this thread a couple of days ago and proceeded to read thru the entire thing. I am SO happy for you, Bella. Your story is incredible! I'm excited to continue following along with your story as well as with the others here, who I wish the best in their journey.

[IrisHope]

Another lurker offering HUGE congratulations! LOL at getting hung up on, Iris- it's for a great reason!

LOL I know! It was the best part too! I wanted to hear the whole meeting! I was kicked out of the convo at the best part! :)

[maxandmolly]

I was on the phone with her 10 minutes ago and they were in their lawyers office waiting for the baby and all of a sudden I heard her scream "THERE'S THE BABY" and she hung up on me. SHE'S OFFICIALLY A MOMMY!!!!!!!!!
Another one who's been lurking along. As happy as I was for Bella, it was that ^^^^ that gave me goosebumps.

[Sabriel]

Yay for Bella! I too giggled when I read that she hung up on you. :)

[kmmommy]

I just decided to read today since I was bored at work. Congrats to Bella! I'm so excited for your family!

Good luck also to Gina with the upcoming L&D of your little sweetie.

[Hangin'in]

Huge congratulations to Bella and company! So happy for you.

[knoelani]

Another lurker coming out of the woodworks...

Bella, huge congrats to your dh and you! I have tears in my eyes after reading your story over the last couple of weeks. I hope all is going well and that you and dh are getting to spend some time with your new daughter. Congrats again!

[IrisHope]

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5cf28b3127cce9572fbddf61100000015108QbMXLFs2Zk

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5cf28b3127cce9572fbdff61300000016108QbMXLFs2Zk

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5cf28b3127cce9572fbde772200000016108QbMXLFs2Zk

This must be the time she hung up on me. This is the woman bringing her to Anna for the first time.

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5cf28b3127cce9572fbd0772c00000016108QbMXLFs2Zk

[Hangin'in]

:D

Aren't they a gorgeous family!

[1_mommy]

delurking to say a HUGE CONGRATULATIONS!!!

[Sal03]

delurking to send a huge congrats out to Bella. I literally have tears in my eyes. What a beautiful family you have now!

[kmmommy]

She's beautiful! Congrats again to Bella and her DH.

[hockeybrat]

delurking to say Congrats Bella! :D

[Lobeth]

Just got finished reading this thread as I'm an adoptee.

Wishing a hearty congratulations to Bella and Family on finding each other! You all look so happy!

Praying, wishing and looking forward to hearing similar news from the rest of you wonderful ladies in the near future!

[annielynn]

She is beautiful. What a gorgeous family! Congratulations again.

[Ole Miss Bride]

OMG, she's precious! And look at all that hair! What a lovely, lovely family.

-Betsy

[ginadc]

Oh, Oh, Oh! I literally have tears in my eyes looking at the pictures of Bella and her beautiful family! Little Lauren Marie is absolutely perfect. What a doll! And she really does have so much gorgeous dark hair...what an incredible happy ending! (I am overusing the exclamation point but I care not a whit.) I can't wait to hear more of the great arrival story!

We are still waiting for our own special delivery. Birthmom had her appointment on Tuesday and was disappointed to hear that she hadn't made any progress since the previous Tuesday--still about 1 cm dilated and about 3/4 effaced. So we have absolutely no idea when little Annika or Ian will make her or his appearance. As you might imagine, we're in a state of high anticipation!

But I did get to talk with birthdad for the first time Tuesday night, which was very cool. He's a very sweet kid and I'm so happy that we'll be able to tell our baby all about both of his or her parents.

Once again, congratulations Bella! What a happy thread this is these days!

[HEW?B]

I just read this thread all the way through and I just have to pop in and say congrats to Bella and I hope any day to ginadc!!! I have two adopted brothers and hope to adopt one day. All of your stories are wonderful. Thanks for sharing!!

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies

OMG, I a sooooo tired :eek: Thank you for the congrats and good wishes. If you note the time of this post, I just fed Lauren and put her back to bed so I just had a sec to come on and say thank you to each and every one of you. I am exhausted. The past 48 hours have been so nutty that I am really emotionally drained and I can barely keep my eyes open. I am not the type of person that can go to sleep during the day so I am on about 4 hours sleep since Tuesday.

Anyway, I will post when I can.

GINA, any minute now and you will be in the same boat! WOOHOO!

Hugs

Anna A/K/A Bella213

[donm425]

I found this thread after having another IVF cycle converted and I'm starting to figure out my options.

I have tears in my eyes reading these posts! You women are amazing and I wish you the best with your new families!

Bella - your daughter is absolutely gorgeous! Congrats on being a mommy!

Ginadc - I hope you get your phone call very soon and get to see your pics!

If you ladies have any suggestions/tips for starting this process I'd love to hear them, I'm in NYC also.

congrats!!

[papergirl]

I have been peaking into this thread off and on for the last month or so (as someone who hopes to adopt someday). I am just thrilled to read about bella's happy ending (or should i say begining?). Much congratulations to you!! This seems like a long road you have traveled. Best wishes to you and your family. Lauren is simply beautiful.

I can't wait to come in here again and repeat those words for ginadc. The end is so close and I am beyond excited for you.

All the best,

rebecca

[ginadc]

Bella, I can't wait to be as tired as you are! :D We will wait patiently (sort of) for you to have a spare minute to tell us all about your wonderful new daughter and the story of her arrival in your arms...hey, I have to live vicariously through you until this baby decides to make an appearance!

Every time I call my mother or my husband I have to say "No, nothing yet." Apparently my entire hometown is driving my mother crazy: "So, is that baby here yet?" She's thinking of putting a sign on her shirt: "No, not yet!"

[Ole Miss Bride]

Gina, just wanted to pop out of lurkdom again to tell you that I can't wait for you to post that your baby is here! Ooooh, this thread is exciting!

-Betsy

[ginadc]

Donm425, happy to offer insights! Thinking about starting the adoption process is so daunting because there are so many decisions to make! International or domestic? Attorney or agency or public/state foster-to-adopt?

I think what I would do first is sit down with your DH and identify your priorities in terms of adoption. For example, do you really want to adopt a young infant or newborn? (We did, for our first child at least.) If so, you'll probably want to go with domestic adoption, as the youngest babies brought home in international adoption (usually Korea or Guatemala) are around six months, and with other countries like China and Russia it's closer to a year.

If, on the other hand, you want a somewhat more predictable process, and you're open to an older infant or toddler, an international adoption could be the way to go. China is a very reliable, well-established country that many US families adopt from and if you go with a good, established China agency like China Adoptions With Love or Great Wall, you can be pretty sure of how things will go.

Budget will also be a factor. Adoption, sadly, is expensive. If you go with a private attorney and "identified placements," it can be slightly less expensive than with a domestic agency (Bella can tell you more about that), but I think if you're looking to adopt a newborn domestically you should assume that you will have costs totaling $25K at minimum. Going through the state/foster system can minimize costs, but it's also extremely unpredictable and the children are "at risk" for longer, since the state tries for family reunification wherever possible.

Adopting internationally, some countries are less expensive than others. Guatemala costs more because the babies are in private foster care, usually, rather than orphanages, and the fees tend to go to subsidizing that care. But it's also more expensive to fly to China to pick up your child than to Guatemala, so that's a factor, too. Korea, on the other hand, doesn't require you to fly at all; your child can be "escorted" home.

I have just thrown a mountain of minutiae out here which, I realize, probably isn't helping you much. Sorry about that! If you could tell me a little more about what you and your DH are hoping for and thinking about, I could probably provide slightly more useful information.

Meanwhile, we're still waiting! :rolleyes: Birthmom will be 39 weeks on Sunday.

[conneals]

Oh Bella, I am so happy for you and your family! Your daughter is gorgeous and you both look so happy.

Back to lurking!

[donm425]

Thanks Gina so much for your very informative reply! I really appreciate it.
I should share some of my background, I"m 35, dh 36, we will be married 2 years in April. I have the IF diagnosis with a blocked tube, high FSH and diminished ovarian reserve. We just had our 2nd IVF cycle converted to an IUI. I'm a very poor responder to the meds. I have another consult with my RE in 2 weeks to discuss and we will decide what to do then.

DH and I ideally would like a Caucausian infant. So I know we will be adopting domestically, I just need to do more research on an agency vs. an attorney, I'm not really sure of the differences. I am also aware of the costs but we were self pay for IVF and the meds so we have some understanding of the costs involved.

I see that you should be getting a phone call any day now about the birth of your child!! That is so exciting!! I can not wait to read about your good news and see pics of you holding your child. I think it's awesome that you & Bella will be able to have such special holidays this year!

If you don't mind answering - one question I had is what is the approx length of time from when you first met with an agency/attorney until now?

Thanks!
Donna

[ginadc]

Donna, we first started the paperwork with our agency back in February 2005. (I sometimes felt like I was going down for the third time in a sea of paperwork!) We got all that done and finished the home study by the end of April, and it took us awhile to get our "adoptive family profile" put together. Our profile was finished and we were "activated" (meaning that the agency would show our profile to prospective birthparents) as of the first week in July.

We were almost immediately matched with a birthmom who was expecting twins in September. Literally, it was less than 24 hours after we were activated. Sadly, the match failed about three weeks later when she decided to parent. We asked to be reactivated right away--this would have been right at the end of July. We got our second match, with the birthmother we are now working with, right after Labor Day weekend.

So from the very beginning of paperwork until the birth of this baby will have been about 9-10 months. (It just occurred to me that we were probably starting the paperwork process right around when our birthmom got pregnant!) Our agency says that the average wait is 9-18 months; some families get matched right away and some wait longer than 18 months. It depends a lot on what you're looking for. For example, our agency has an "adoptive parent questionnaire" which runs through a huge range of possible scenarios and what you'd be willing to accept. For example, on the birthmother's substance history, they ask about smoking, alcohol, and a huge variety of drugs, and whether you'd consider a match if she'd used that substance occasionally, monthly, weekly, daily. We said we were okay with a birthmother who had smoked some during pregnancy (but not chainsmoked), for example--nearly 60% of women who place babies for adoption smoke during pregnancy, the agency noted, so if you are unwilling to take a match in which the bmom smoked at all, you might have a longer wait.

There are all kinds of elements like that--race, medical history, and so on--and for each one you just have to decide what you're comfortable with and strike a balance between being as open as possible in order to improve your chances of getting matched sooner, and not opening yourself up to situations that you know wouldn't work for your family.

Hope that helps!

(Yep, still here! Talked to birthmom last night; she's still pregnant and at least as of then, wasn't feeling any contractions. We're at 39 weeks 1 day now. Come on, baby, we're all ready for you!)

[karlatta]

Question for anyone:

Did any of you consider foster-to-adopt? DH and I are leaning that way, but it's not something I've heard a lot about. We're limited financially, because DH is still in law school, so this might be the best way for us to build a family now.

We've talked with an agency that we get lots of good feelings about, and they seem to have a pretty good foster-to-adopt program. But I'm still a little reserved - I don't want to have a child only to have him or her taken back to the biological parents. And I'm a little frightened of the training that's required - I hear it's really tough!

[donm425]

Thanks Gina!! You've given me hope!! For some reason I thought adoption could take about 2 years or so. Thank you for sharing all of this info with me, I def have my research to do. And thanks for responding when you have so much going on - only a few more days till your child is born!!


Sending the bmom labor vibes so your child comes soon!!! I can't even imagine how exciting this must be for you and DH :)

[ginadc]

Karlatta, we didn't really consider foster-to-adopt too closely. The risks just scared the hell out of me; I don't think I could handle falling in love with a child and then having to give him or her back to biological parents. That can happen with regular adoption, of course, but in foster-to-adopt you're entering a situation where you know that's a major possibility; after all, most foster systems strive for family reunification whenever possible.

Your other option, if you're financially squeezed, might be transracial adoption. It is sad but true to say that many agencies have much lower fees for African-American babies, because the reality is that there are fewer parents seeking to adopt them. This would only be something to consider if you feel ready to become a transracial family, of course, but if you do, there are many agencies that could work with you.

Donm, there are definitely some families with our agency who have been waiting for up to 2 years; I don't think there's anybody who's been waiting much longer than that. But our social worker told us that in those cases, it's usually families who have very restrictive parameters as to what situations they will accept, so it takes longer to find the right match.

Meanwhile, we're still waiting! Everything's ready to go as soon as we get the call, but this baby appears to be in no hurry to come out. Birthmom goes to the doctor again today, so maybe we'll get good news about more dilation, effacement, and general labor progress. Cross your fingers!

[Bella213]

Hi Everyone

It's been a bit crazy in our home the past few days. Lauren has quite the appetite. Every hour on the hour she is waking up and I am dead to the world :eek: But set that aside she is the love of my life and you won't hear me complaining at all.

Donm We used a private attorney here in NY. We too wanted a Caucausian infant and we wanted to stay in the USA. You hear good things about both agencies and attorneys. I can only give you my opinion with using a private attorney.

We were recommended to use him by another couple who adopted. He has been in practice for over 25 years. He has a great track record and he and his staff are just wonderful. We had our inital meeting with him sometime in May. We discussed his fees and they were $5,800.00. This was to get us certified and get us ready. We then got a social worker from a list he provided is with to schedule our Home Study. All said and done, we went "Live" by the 1st week of July. We joined Parent Profiles.com in July and also did some advertising seperately in newspapers etc. We got many calls on Parent Profiles but our birth mother found us through an agency that our attorney has delt with for many years. Our attorney is well connected all over the USA so our child could have come from anywhere. It just so happened that Lauren was born an hour away from where we live in NY so it was pretty easy and we didn't incur additional travel expenses. So all said and done, once we got Lauren our total cost for everything was $16,800 for the agency that the birth mother went to, $4,825 additional for our attorney to start the finalization of the adoption in the next 3 months. It can be a bit more expensive than I guess going through an agency but in my opinion (and that's just my opinion) I think you get a bit more hand holding through the process. And to us was very important. I sat back thinking the other day of all the money we spent on IVF (13 Cycles) and if you think about it, I could have adopted probably around 7 children by now :eek: But we all have to do what we have to do and at that time I wasn't ready to give up just yet.

I do suggest whether you go through and agency or an attorney that you advertise on Parent Profiles. From July until November, I got a total of 9 calls and about 8 e-mails from potential birth mothers. 5 of the calls were not matches, 2 were wacko's, and 2 were a match. 1 ended up picking another couple and the other was still going through some stuff with the birth father and she hadn't sent the paperwork back yet and then we got the call for Lauren, so I had to tell her that the situation came up and we took it. She was not happy but there is nothing one can do if paperwork is not sent in. One thing our attorney told us was that even if you have paperwork in from a birth mom and you get a call that a birth mom is either giving birth within 24 to 48 hours or the baby is already born, we need to take the opportunity regardless of the other one in the works. I know that sounds terrible but when you tell the birth mom you had been dealing with about what happened usually they are very happy for you and you can tell her that there is another couple that would be perfect for her and to call your attorney. This gives another couple a chance. And I have also heard of couples taking both babies :eek: a couple months apart lol.....

Anyway, it is all good which ever way you go. I am sure that you and DH will figure out what you both want. Good Luck and feel free to ask any more questions.

GINA!!!! What's going on ???? I am dying over here. Tick Tock, Tick Tock, I am assuming that you must be either a mom right now and you haven't been able to post or you are there waiting for your child to enter this world. I am sending you so much love and happiness. I can't wait to hear from you.

Hugs to you all
Anna/ Bella

[ginadc]

Bella, we're still waiting! Birthmom is now 2 cm dilated and 100% effaced, with baby's head very low, at 39 weeks four days as of today. Her doctor says she should go into labor practically any minute. We have decided that we're going to go ahead and fly down tomorrow regardless (unless, of course, we get "the call" between now and tonight), figuring it will only be a few extra days at most and we can always treat that like a vacation. We don't want to miss our baby's birth!!

I had a dream last night that the baby had been born and it was a boy; but then again, I dreamed that our friends were having a boy about a week before her c-section, and it turned out to be a girl, so I'm not particularly prescient. We'll find out soon enough!

Meanwhile, can't wait to see more pictures of Miss Lauren whenever you have a chance to post them!

[Jen1098]

Good Luck to you Gina-like everyone else lurking I can't wait to hear your story!!!!!!

[ginadc]

Thanks for the perspective on fost-adopt, summer. I was thinking I should post again on that since I realized I had probably sounded way too negative about it. Obviously it has some wonderful aspects and some negatives, just as does any approach to adoption. The additional risk of loss over time wasn't something I felt I had the ability to cope with, but that's not something that will apply to everyone.

Packing, packing...

[suzubeane]

Delurking, finally!

I am not an adoptive parent or an adoptee, but I've been a silent cheerleader in this thread, my initial interest having been on account of the number of friends and family-members who have been through this process. Two of my nieces (cousins to each other) were adopted internationally. Two cousins several friends have adopted, too. Most of these kids are no longer babies (the oldest is 16) but I still remember sometimes excruciating process, the waiting, and the excitement - even as just a bystander.

Gina, I've been reading along, and continue to be really touched by the way you've been able to write about this subject – to be able to share your experiences, convey the ups and downs, and still provide very matter-of-fact information to other parents who are considering adoption themselves. We're all waiting with baited breath to hear news of your new baby's arrival! Safe trip.

And congratulations Bella - can't wait to see more pictures of your beauty!

[donm425]

Bella, thanks so much for your informative post! And your daughter is beautiful, motherhood must be wonderful!!

Gina - I hope your child comes soon, you may already be heading down there or have gotten a call already. Can't wait to hear your exciting news and see pics!

Have a good weekend all!

[bluebunny]

I started reading this thread today (from page 1!) because I just found out that a coworker of mine is adopting. She and her husband just found out last week that they were picked by a birthmother who is due in Feb. I'm very excited for them and have had adoption on my mind so I decided to read this thread.

I was teary-eyed as I read your journey to adopt, Bella, and was in absolute tears when I heard of the arrival of Lauren. I'm so excited for you and your DH. I wish you all the best! What a heart-warming story! And what a lucky little girl!! :D

Gina, I'll have to come back in this thread to find out whether you are mommy to Annika or Ian. How very exciting!!

[ginad724]

I just found out that my brother and SIL are starting the process for an international adoption, so I hope you all don't mind if I follow along. I'm adopted myself, so it's a deeply personal issue as well.

Congrats to Bella! I found myself tearing up out of happiness for you. And Good luck to you, Gina. I can't wait to hear the details!

[Bella213]

Hi Everyone,

Lauren is sleeping, horay! I am so happy to be a mom!!! My daughter is starting to recognize my voice!!! Dh was holding her and she was crying (for whatever reason) and he passed over to me and she immediately stopped crying as she heard me talk to her. I am so in love. I don't care how many times she wakes me up in the middle of the night, I just can't get enough of her.

GINA OMG, I am so waiting patiently! This waiting game is driving me nuts....lol I can't even imagine what you must be going through. Keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you and dh.

I will post some pictures on Monday. My brother's daughter's Christening is tomorrow (I am the Godmother) and I will take lot's of pics.

Hugs to you all

Anna

[kerrykate]

Delurking to say a big congrats to Bella! I love the name you chose, my DD is also Lauren Marie:)

[donm425]

just checking in to see if there is any news from Gina!! I hope you are spending time with your new son or daughter!!:)

[Bella213]

Just had a sec to check in on Gina. I am on pins and needles. Can't wait to hear from you!

Anna

[ginadc]

Would you believe...STILL no baby? Birthmom went to her doc's today and she's still basically where she was last week. So tomorrow, which is 40 weeks 3 days, he'll do a stress test and see how she's doing. If the baby's stressed at all they'll induce; if not, it's her choice whether to be induced or wait another week in hopes of going into labor. Earlier she had indicated she thought she might want to be induced, but now she seems to be leaning toward waiting--I think because she's apprehensive about labor. Anyway, I may be a horrible person but I'm hoping that she either fails the stress test or changes her mind about induction, because we're going crazy here waiting!

Stress test is tomorrow at 9 am, so we'll know something, I assume, by about 10. We'll keep you posted!

[Bella213]

Gina- I would be going nuts myself! I hope to godness that she elects to induce. 40 weeks shouldn't pose any problems if she induces. I don't think you are coming across as a bad person for thinking the way you think. I am thinking the same way...lol I mean, I hope the baby isn't stressing but at the same time I hope that they decide to induce because maybe he/she might be a little stressed. I will pray that everything turns out the way you want it.

Thinking of you.

Anna

[Bella213]

Just checking in to see if Gina has any good news to report. I am thinking of you everyday!

Wishing you & DH lot's of luck!

Anna

[ginadc]

I am very sorry to report that we are not going to be parents soon after all. The birthmom gave birth last night to a daughter and decided to parent. We found out this morning from the agency.

I am a little numb at this point after crying all day and feeling as if I had had my heart ripped out. It's hard to convey the emotions. We are trying to figure out how to pick up and go on, but it's hard. Based on a lot of very negative things that have happened with our agency, we are looking at changing agencies rather than start again with them. I'm not angry with the birthmom (actually, I suppose I should just call her the mom, huh?); frankly, I think she was just as badly served by our agency as we were.

We're probably going to go to a meeting at Spence-Chapin on December 10 if there's still room. We're also considering whether we should try working with an attorney. Bella, you're in NY; does your attorney also work with couples in New Jersey? Would you recommend him?

Sorry to bring you all bad news. Looks like it won't be a baby Christmas for us after all.

[suzubeane]

oh my God, Gina. I'm so sorry. I wish I had something more to offer. I'm just so sorry.

[Sebski]

Gina I'm popping in from the Nov mom's thread in case you don't venture back over there... just wanted to let you know how sorry I am that things didn't work out... I could cry for you. :( Sending you tons of <<<hugs>>>

[Ole Miss Bride]

Gina, I'm just heartbroken reading this news. God, I'm sorry.

Love,
Betsy

[bookworm]

Delurking for a moment--- Gina, I am so, so sorry.

[cantwait]

I lurk here too, and was waiting for good news from you, Gina. I'm so terribly sorry about this outcome. I can't imagine how you must feel right now. :(

[Jazz]

Another lurker. I'm so sorry Gina. My thoughts are with you and your husband.

[honeygirl]

I too am so sorry Gina.

[1_mommy]

delurking to say how incredibly sorry i am for you gina!

[Aletheia]

Without blaming the birth mom, I just want to say that you deserved better than that, Gina. You're going to be a great mom, and it will happen for you. Hang in there.

[papergirl]

Gina, I am so sorry you are having to experience this. As someone who hopes to adopt I am scared by what you have written. Spending so much time (and money) with an agency that ultimatly underserves you should be illegal. You are in my thoughts and remember - we are all here for you.

Rebecca

[Boopy]

Delurking to say how sorry I am for you and your DH to have to go through this. I can't imagine the pain you are going through.

[Lobeth]

I stopped by hoping to hear some good news. I'm so sorry. I cant imagine how you are feeling at this moment. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your entire family.

[BsstGrl]

Gina, I'm very sorry for you and you DH. I can't imagine the emotions you must be having now.

[kmmommy]

Gina ~ I'm so sorry to hear your news. I'll be praying that you get your little one very soon.

[Summerseven]

Gina, I'm soo sorry sweetie. Keep your head up, you will get that little one.

[allyray231]

Oh Gina I am a long time lurker and came in here to hear good news and am just so so sad for you

[IrisHope]

Gina, I can't believe this happened. I have been lurking to see any news from you. How incredibly heart breaking. I just told Anna and she is heartbroken as well. She highly recommends her attoryney and will write to you directly tonight.

Lauren, 3 weeks old, was taking to the ER for a spiked fever and they admitted her and gave her a spinal tap. They stayed 2 nights in the hospital but all looks well. That was quite a scare for them.

[karlatta]

Gina, I am heartbroken for you. I'm so, so sorry.

[ginadc]

Wow...I am just overwhelmed at the outpouring of support from people I've talked to and people I've never "met." You will never know how much it means to me (and to my DH).

We are soldiering on and exploring our options--either another agency, one more reputable, or independent adoption with an attorney. I'm looking forward to hearing from Anna about hers; we've also talked to a lovely lawyer who's in the next town over, who has been doing adoptions for 18 years--including the first 7 years as part of an "assembly line" law firm that she compares sadly to the agency we were with. (As soon as I told her what happened to us she immediately guessed the agency's name.) So she knows the negatives and how "adoption mill" type agencies can really ill-serve both birthparents and adoptive parents. We're meeting with her Tuesday and then going to a couple of agency meetings later on in the week.

Meanwhile, what we really need to do is get our full, signed, hard copy home study and accompanying documents from the social worker in NJ who did it, so that we can either get it to a lawyer if we go that route, or to another agency.

The only way I can cope with this is to work hard at making another adoption happen for us. Every time I stop to think of that little girl who was born Monday night and how close she was to being ours, I fall apart.

Iris, I'm so glad to hear that little Lauren is all right! What a scare for Anna!

Thanks again, everyone.

[papergirl]

gina it sounds like you are doing as good as can be expected. i think putting your efforts into making another adoption happen will really help you get through this difficult time but remember we are all here for you. though most of us have never experienced this we still want to offer our sholders to cry on and our thoughts to lift you up. i hope that soon you will have a baby in your arms. you will be an amazing mother.

as i have mentioned, i eventually hope to adopt so when the time is ok (if ever) i would be interested to hear more about the negative aspects of the agency you were with and what those of us looking into agency's should look for and avoid.

rebecca

[Bella213]

Gina- God, I am in tears over what happened. I am sorry I haven't been able to check in, but Lauren gave us a bit of a scare on Monday evening and I just came home with her today from the hospital. When IrisHope called me at the hospital to tell me, I was just dumb founded. I am so so sorry that you and Dh have to go through this.:( It just breaks my heart.

When Dh & I started this whole process, we looked into agency vs. private attorney. We both felt that using an agency wasn't going to make us feel guided as much as we wanted to be and also we didn't want to compete with to many couples for a child. This is why we went private. Also our attorney came highly reccommended by another couple. After doing some research on him, I couldn't find anything negative about him and his practice. He has been placing children for over 20 years. He and his wife have 3 adopted sons. He has many many contact around the USA. And yes, he works with couples in NY & NJ. Why don't you e-mail me Gina and I will be more than happy to give you any information about him. Also, if you do e-mail me, if you want, I will give you our 800# and maybe we can talk. I am just so sorry sweety that this has happened to you. It's just not fair.

Hugs
Anna

[donm425]

Gina - I just wanted to say how sorry I am to hear this news. I wish you and your DH much strength and hope during this time.

[HEW?B]

Gina,
I lurk here and just wanted to let you know that I am sending you a huge virtual hug. I can only imagine that this is such a difficult thing for you and your DH. I admire your strength and determination in being strong enough to go at this process from a different angle rather than giving up. Some child will be so lucky to have you as his mother one day. Best of luck to you.

[Bella213]

Gina- I am just checking in to see how you are doing. You have been on my mind and I hope that you are ok. When you have a chance, check in. I would like t know if you met the attorney you wrote about or not.

Hugs
Anna

[ginadc]

Thanks for checking in, Bella! Yes, we did meet with the attorney I mentioned, and she's just as wonderful and supportive in person as she is by phone. We are moving forward on several fronts: preparing an ad for ParentProfiles, preparing to run targeted newspaper ads in the new year, and signing up with a midsized agency in Ohio that the attorney has worked with before--they're highly reputable, very personal, and don't ask for a lot of up-front fees.

We are also doing a lot of "personal" networking, and that outreach may pay off. I contacted an old colleague in the midwest who I thought might have contact with women in crisis pregnancies through his work, and he referred me to an attorney he often works with. It turned out that she had just that day met with a young woman who's 16 and 31 weeks pregnant, and with the girl's parents. They had looked at some profiles but all adoptive couples were local, and they felt strange about possibly just "running into" them, so they wanted to consider people further away. We Fed Exed our profile to that lawyer and our lawyer spoke with her and says she thinks it sounds like a promising situation. Of course, the girl and her parents still have to choose us...so we'll see! They probably are just viewing the profiles today, actually, so I know we won't hear anything likely until early next week at the soonest. We're trying to be patient.

[Bella213]

Gina- I am so glad to see you post. I was starting to worry about you :D I am so happy to see that you are moving forward with the attorney. And that is awesome about the 16 yr old! Maybe it was meant to be that you and Dh needed to aproach this through a PA. I found that ParentProfiles was awesome. I got so many calls in a short period of time. But I have to say that the newspapers did nothing for us. I spent over $800 in advertising in various states and not 1 call. So after 2 months, I stopped because all my calls were coming directly from PP. We networked but it was only for a month because then we got Lauren. I am thrilled for you and I am keeping you in my thoughts and prayers.

I go back to work on the 21st of this month. I found a great daycare not even a 1/2 mile from where I work. So I could go in whenever I want to check in on her. She is still waking up every 2 hours for feedings. Last night she woke up at 11:00 pm and didn't offically go to sleep until 3:20 am :eek: :eek: I was and still am exhausted. Oh how I miss those days of getting a full 6 to 7 hours of sleep...lol But such is life and I would change anything.

She just woke up again so I have to run, but please post Gina as I am always checking to see if you have any good news to report.

Hugs

Bella

[karlatta]

Bella - I'm so happy to see you so happy with Lauren. I'm sure you're a great mom!

Gina - Please let us know if you hear anything else!

DH and I have almost 100% decided to do a foster-adopt program. Realistically, we don't have the money to spend on a traditional adoption, through either an attorney or an agency. And we both feel really strongly about providing a home for children who wouldn't otherwise have one. So foster-adoption seems to fit the bill perfectly!

Now I'm trying to get the agency to get us in for an informational meeting so we can get all the details and make the final decision about if this is really right for us or not.

[Myra]

Congratulations on your decision, Karla! That is great!

Wanted to drop off this article from Slate--it's the diary of a husband and wife who are trying to adopt a child in Kazakhstan.

http://www.slate.com/id/2132692/entry/2132693/

[Bella213]

I just wanted to stop in and wish everyone a Happy Holiday!!!

Bella

[Myra]

Congratulations, Summer!!

[ginadc]

Congrats, summer, that's wonderful!

Happy New Year, everyone! Hope you all had wonderful holidays. We had a good time with our families and tried to focus on spending time with them and eating too much (were certainly successful at that!) instead of constantly on adoption.

So now it's a new year and we're moving forward. Our profile is up on ParentProfiles, we're about to be activated with the medium-sized agency in Ohio, and the first of our newspaper ads have begun to run. AAAaaand--our attorney just called with another possible situation that she discovered through a colleague. It's a baby due next week!!! :eek: :D So...she sent off our profile to the birthmom's attorney to be presented to her tomorrow; we're crossing our fingers that this one might work out! Even if it doesn't, though, we have a lot of prospects out there and I feel hopeful that things are going to come through one way or another...soon.

Bella, how's little Lauren doing? How was her first Christmas?

[suzubeane]

Gina, you sound so levelheaded about all of this (:eek: notwithstanding!) Thanks for the update - fingers crossed!

[ginadc]

Levelheaded? Where's the "hysterical laughter" smiley? :o Thanks for the compliment, suzu, but that's just my calm cool CC exterior talkin'. Inside, I'm a gibbering wreck. And you should have seen me over the holidays, blubbering to DH about how we need to adopt now because my parents' health isn't the greatest and dammit, they should have at least a little time to enjoy a grandchild! So levelheaded depends very much on when you happen to catch me...

Please do keep fingers crossed! It's such a tightrope you walk with every new possibility. You want to be hopeful and optimistic, but not so much so that you get crushed every time. DH is better at "guarding his heart" than I am.

[kmmommy]

ginadc ~ Prayers coming your way. I hope this child is the one for you and your husband. You certainly deserve it.

[ginadc]

Okay, vibes everyone, please!!!! The birthmom's attorney called our lawyer this morning to say that we were definitely bmom and bfather's favorite couple, and they were strongly leaning toward choosing us. Our lawyer faxed their lawyer the home study (to confirm that we're legit) and our longer birthparent letter. Bmom's attorney called back a little while ago to tell her that bmom LOVES us and wants to choose us, but has to talk with bfather so they can make the decision together.

So now we're just waiting! Our lawyer thinks that bmom will probably call us for a get-to-know-you call sometime tonight or over the weekend, but cautioned me not to freak out if she doesn't. (Yeah, right.) Meanwhile, I have the Mother of All Colds that makes me sound like the love child of Harvey Fierstein and Kermit the Frog, so I hope I don't send her running screaming into the night if she does call.

Wow...could this maybe possibly really happen?

[Twylla]

Delurking to say good luck gina!!! It sounds very promising, I hope this works out so well for you. Everything happens for a reason, and it sounds like this may be the child for you.

Get better and be ready for a get to know you visit!!!

[kris97]

delurking to let you know all crossables are crossed here. :) best of luck to you.

[suzubeane]

love child of Harvey Fierstein and Kermit the Frog ...What an image!

See? This is what I mean - maybe you are a "gibbering wreck" on the inside, but your groundedness and sense of humor have certainly provided you with a level head and some really good coping skills. You're going to be a great Mom - hopefully sooner rather than later!

Thanks for the update; we're all hoping you get your call this weekend. :)

[kmmommy]

gina ~ Baby vibes coming your way!

[honeygirl]

Best wishes Gina! I just said a prayer for you. :)

[Bella213]

Gina- I am thinking of you and sending you all my prayers sweety. I hope to God that this is gonna be it for you. I have been checking just about everyday to see if you posted. I am so happy to read that your back and my God grant you and Dh your wish of becoming parents soon.

Lauren is growing so fast. She is out of the newborn clothing and into 3 months already. I had to pull a "No, No" as far as adding cereal to her formula. She is finally satisfied with every feeding and only wakes up at 12:30 am and at 4:30 am! I am finally getting some long over due sleep. Dh is home this month on 4 weeks vacation (he gets 12 weeks a year) and he is now doing all the feedings in the wee hours of the morning so that I can be rested to get up for work in the am. Lauren goes to daycare now and they love her there. She is the youngest of the bunch so everyone spoils her. She is about 1/4 mile down the street from where I work so I can pop in at lunch and spend time with her. Motherhood is definately the most fufilling experience a woman can have. I am so happy and I can't even tell you how the love between Dh & I has grown. My husband is a different man. Not that he was bad before but he is even more supportive and understanding of what we woman go through to raise a child. I can't wait for you to experience this feeling. We talked about doing this again sometime in the near future if we can financially. I want to get her out of the diapers first...lol Christmas was great although Lauren slept the whole time...LOL Everyone was holding her and I barely saw her all night. This Christmas will be a lot more fun because she will be a year old and I can't wait to see her open up presents.

We are heading to Florida on the 11th to visit my parents. They begged me to bring her down because they left when she was only 3 weeks old. On other note, Dh & I have put this house we just moved into in October on the market. We decided that we liked the city we lived in before and so I have been actively looking at homes again.:eek: It's crazy but we both never expected for Lauren to come so quickly and we were going to blow this house out but now the $$ isn't there anymore to do what we wanted to do.

Well, enough of my blabbing, I will say a special prayer for you tonight Gina.

Hugs

Bella

[Sebski]

Popping in to send some good luck vibes to you Gina... I have all crossables crossed for you guys!!!!!!!!!!

[ginadc]

Thanks everyone! It all still looks good. We are doing a phone call with birthmom and birthfather sometime late tomorrow morning; their attorney will place the call from her office. This is apparently a get-to-know-you formality--that is, there aren't any other couples in "contention," they have pretty much chosen us and this is just the final step before everything moves forward.

She has her doctor's appointment today, so there'll be more information on where things stand with the pregnancy as of tomorrow, too. Last doctor's appointment, she apparently wasn't dilated at all, so it's likely she could go fairly well past her due date of Thursday. (Which is kind of good as we are a bit whiplashed at this point and could use another week to get ourselves together!)

We're so excited...but still nervous, as well!

[IrisHope]

GINA Oh My God I am just so happy to hear the news......I pray for you!!!!!!!

[HEW?B]

Hey Gina
Just wanted to say that my fingers are crossed for you and I will for sure say a little prayer for you tonight.

[Summerseven]

Thanks Myra :)

Gina- Thank you!, I crossing all my limbs for you, sending you good vibes :):) :D :D

[Alanna]

Gina delurking to say I'm thinking of you and have all my fingers and toes crossed... !!!

[suzubeane]

I'd wish you good luck, but it doesn't sound like you need it :). We'll all be thinking of you late morning!

[Jazz]

Gina -- oh, best wishes!! This is so exciting -- I'll be thinking of you and your hubby!!!

[Jen1098]

Also de lurking. Good Luck Gina-I really hope this is it for you!!!

[Sabriel]

Another lurker here. Just wanted to let ginadc know that I am thinking of you and your DH and hoping this is it for you!

[Bella213]

GINA- I am sending tons and tons of prayers your way sweetie!!!! OMG, I am so excited for you. This is gonna be it, I can just feel it :D :D Keeping toes, fingers and whatever else I can cross for you and DH!!!

Dh , Me & Lauren are heading to my parents house in Palm Beach on Wednesday and I won't be back until Monday. I have to try and convince Dh to bring the laptop so I can check on you.... He is not a happy camper when I add more weight to his napsack but I will see what I can do.

Wishing you much luck!

Bella

[ginadc]

Aw, Bella, that's so sweet!

Everything's looking good. We had a great conference call with the prospective birthmom and her mother from the attorney's office today. She is really sweet, smart, bubbly, and knows what she wants. I like her a lot. She also seems to like us a lot, and I think it's pretty much a done deal.

Now that we're officially "chosen" we'll be getting a lot more med-social information about her, but that's mostly a formality unless something really worrisome turns up.

Doctor says she is 1 cm dilated as of yesterday (ah yes, the dilation watch, I remember it well). When we do go, we're planning to drive; she's in Ohio, about 10 and a half hours by car according to Mapquest. Long, but direct flights are insanely expensive, especially at the last minute, especially one way. And if we did a connection, once you start figuring the time on either end to get there early, get through security, get off plane, claim luggage, yada yada...it just seems saner to drive. We can leave when we want, bring what we need, no worries about coping with airport security, and no fears of transporting a newborn baby on a plane with recirculated air in the middle of cold and flu season.

So when will we go? I think not until and unless we get pretty definitive word that labor is imminent. We're not going to repeat the Florida Debacle. Besides, we have enough to do here to get ready (I have a million impending deadlines) that I actually hope she doesn't go into labor for another week at least.

In any case, a cautious but very hopeful YAHOOOOOOO!!!!

[jesvet]

delurking to say a cautious and very hopeful CONGRATULATIONS!

[ginadc]

:: sigh :: I guess the third time isn't the charm. We found out late this afternoon that this adoption won't be happening. I'm actually less depressed about what happened than I am really damn angry, because of a lot of things that are pretty complicated.

Suffice it to say that the attorney our lawyer was in contact with proved to be extremely unethical; she was trying to charge fees as a "for-profit agency" but sent out her e-mail to colleagues as an attorney. Our lawyer called her on it and explained that she couldn't work with a for-profit agency for a NJ placement. (Adoption laws are complicated, and it's different in each state. NJ allows not-for-profit agency placements, and independent/private adoptions, but not adoptions from for-profit agencies, which is what this attorney's "agency" is.)

So our lawyer tried to explain how they could make it work as an independent adoption. The other lawyer threw fits because it would have dropped the gargantuan fee she wanted to charge. Our lawyer tried to discuss things with her; after awhile, the other lawyer apparently got impatient. She said, "Well, I just heard an hour ago from the birthmom's mother, and she's very concerned about Gina's breast cancer history. She would want to have a complete medical history, but this would probably go south anyway." This is the mother who knew all about that two days ago during the conference call, and she and the birthmom were still very excited about us coming out on Monday--so I think the lawyer just made that up to be as awful as possible and put a quick end to things.

Thank goodness we have our lawyer; she is so protective of us. She feels horrible about what happened and just sick to her stomach that a "colleague" did this. So now this sweet birthmom, who supposedly was very bonded to us and really excited that we were coming out, is probably being told horrible things about us, and we're back to square one. (And so is she--and she told us we were really the only ones whose profile she liked at all. And she's due TODAY.)

Speaking of square one--you really can get whiplash in the adoption journey. Since I was angry rather than sad (you try using the breast cancer as a weapon against me and you get one pissed off Cancer Slayer), I got busy. I called the agency in Ohio that we were about to become active with to see what was happening. The social worker told us that we actually were active already--I thought we had to have a conference call with the executive director, but the SW said no, that's just a "welcome to the agency" thing she likes to do, she's been a little busy to do that but that wouldn't hold up our being active.

Anyway, she said there was a situation they had considered us for yesterday, but it didn't pan out; now today there was another, but she wasn't sure if we wanted to hear about it because it involved at-risk bmom support. I said we would be willing to at least hear about it. I won't go into a whole lot of detail in case it doesn't pan out, but it's potentially a good situation. She is sending our profile to the birthmom overnight, and we'll see.

There is just one thing that we go back and forth about. The birthmom has bipolar disorder. Apparently no one else in her family has it, but one parent being bipolar does raise the risk of it affecting a child from 1%, when neither parent has a history, to anywhere between 5% and 20%, depending on which scientist you believe.

I know there's no way to erase all risk, in adoption or in pregnancy. And I know that odds really don't make that much difference--the odds were vastly against my getting breast cancer at 37, but I did. But I did watch a couple who are good friends of mine struggle with a son who developed severe bipolar disorder at a very young age, and saw that struggle eventually end their marriage. So ... I worry. On the other hand, this is in pretty much every other way a very good match, and the agency in Ohio is incredibly reputable, ethical and trustworthy.

I did call a client of mine who is the chief of psychiatry at a major academic institution, and he said the risk in this given situation was probably about 10% of inherited bipolar disorder. Which of course means there's a 90% chance it won't be. He said given what we know, he would not consider it a reason to not pursue an adoption, and I value his opinion very highly, so that's reassuring. Of course, now we have to wait to see if she even decides that she likes us, so maybe I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself...

Anyway, back on the roller coaster. I always used to like roller coasters but now I'm starting to think maybe a nice safe teacup ride would be better?

[suzubeane]

Oh, Gina. I'm so sorry.

eta: There's got to be something that can be done about that unethical attorney - not that I'm suggestion YOU do it, but she's hurt a lot of people because of her greed and shifty dealings. That's just sick.

[Phen]

Sonofa...

Gina! What is going on with the world?! This is just beyond awful now. I'm so sorry.

~ Phen

[ginadc]

Suzu, our lawyer would like nothing more than to file a grievance with the lawyers' group that represents adoption attorneys. But, being lawyers, they are big on having a pile of documentation for a complaint--and Debbie has nothing in writing. It's only her word against the other attorney's that the woman said what she said. Yes, she tried to enter into a contract with us as a for-profit adoption agency, which you apparently can't do in New Jersey, but all she did was fax us the contract. The truly sleazy stuff was what was said on the phone, which isn't provable.

So...we'll just have to move forward. I have to say, it really helps at a time like this to be seriously p***ed rather than hurt. I'm much more productive this way. Poor Evan is taking this one harder than I am. At least we're good at alternating which one of us falls apart!

[Jazz]

Dang!! I'm mad for you too. I hope karma catches up with the evil lawyer sooner rather than later. I'm so sorry.

[ginadc]

Phen, at least no matter how bad this gets I can console myself (somewhat) with "We've been through worse!" I want to say to this lawyer, "Look lady, you think you've hurt us? I've been through chemo, b***h, there's nothing you can do to me." :D

[IrisHope]

Gina, I am just so sorry. What an f*cking ass of an attorney!!! I just told Anna (Bella213) and she wanted me to write this to you (she's in Florida w/out a computer)

From Bella 213:
Gina, I'm in Florida and just heard the news. I'm totally speechless. I don't know what I can say to comfort you. Why does this keep happening? Why? I pray to god you fill find your baby soon. I will touch base with you when I get back from Florida.

[ginadc]

Hi all,

Thanks so much for the support! (Iris, give my love to Anna and tell her thanks so much--I'll talk to her when she gets back to a keyboard!)

I'm almost hesitant to post about this now given the insane ride we've had thus far...but, believe it or not, we appear to be in another match again. This is the young woman I posted about the other day. She reviewed our profile and wanted to talk with us immediately on Friday; we had a conference call Friday afternoon (her, Evan, me and the social worker) and then Friday night she called me again so we could talk some more. She's just a sweetheart and we hit it off wonderfully, far more than with any of the previous three birthmoms. And we feel much safer working with the Ohio agency, which has such a good reputation.

The BPD issue is still there, of course. But honestly, I'm much more at ease than I was. K. is a terrific young woman and seems to be dealing with her BPD very responsibly, especially given that she's still very young and has had to grow up rather fast (her family is a bit fragmented). I'm just very impressed with her, and I would be happy to have her in our lives.

So--she's chosen us, seems as thrilled about it as we are, and so now we are expecting a baby girl on February 6th! Honestly, I hesitate to write this for obvious reasons, but this really feels like the right one. (Did I say that before? Probably.) We are going to use airline miles and fly down there next weekend to meet her; she's really excited about that. And she definitely wants us there with her for the birth.

So...we're just hoping against all hope that at last, this will be the one. If anybody still has any vibes to spare after this never-ending saga, we could sure use them!

[kmmommy]

gina ~ Congratulations on being matched! Sending tons more baby vibes your way.

[Bella213]

Gina - I am back and right after I put Lauren to sleep here I am writing to you. I am sorry that all of that stuff has happened to you. When Iris called me to tell me, I couldn't get a word out of mouth. I just don't understand how people can be so cruel. But now after reading your post, you put a huge smile back on my face. You know, I believe you 100% when you said "This feels right with this one" I know the feeling Gina and it make you feel somewhat very calm and whole, right? I had that when I met our BM and I still feel it now when I think about her. February 6th is only a few weeks away. Hey maybe she will be on my birthday which is Feb 13th!!! LOL I am going to turn the BIG 40! Yuk.... I am always keeping you in my prayers day in and day out Gina.

On another note: So Lauren was great for her first trip on a plane. She didn't crying going to Florida or coming back to NY. The trick is give them a bottle upon take off and landing and it should be smooth sailing. People getting off the plane where coming up to me and saying "Wow, we didn't her a peep out of her, how did you do it?" I felt very proud of myself..:rolleyes: My parents enjoyed their grandaughter to the fullest. We even got to go to the movies yesterday evening to see The Lion, The Witch and the Wardrobe. I loved it and would reccommend it to anyone. With the upcoming month, our daughters adoption should be finalized. Don't know exactly the date but we were told sometime in February. WOOHOO! She is starting to smile a lot more now when you talk to her. It's just really awesome being a mom. I am so happy we did this and I would do it all over again if I could.

Well I have to finish unpacking so I am going to run.

I will check in with you during the week.

Hugs

Anna

[albuquerque]

Gina, delurking to say all crossables crossed for you over here, I *SO* hope that this time around you'll have that sweet little baby in your arms! Thinking of you...

[ginadc]

Thanks Anna and Alb! Anna, I'm so happy to hear about your wonderful trip with Lauren--and that the adoption will be finalized soon. How great is that!? (And I know how you feel about the impending birthday--my big 3-9 is coming up at the end of April. I don't feel like I'm almost 40! :confused: :eek: )

Things are great with K. This weekend she e-mailed ultrasound pictures of the baby, with the name we've chosen for her as the subject header. Pretty amazing! She's very excited for our trip down there; we're treating her to a prenatal massage and she can't wait for that. She and Evan talked some more on the phone last night, which was great, because she hasn't had a chance to talk to him as much.

Please, oh please let this be the right one...

[suzubeane]

This weekend she e-mailed ultrasound pictures of the baby, with the name we've chosen for her as the subject header. Wow! I'm not sure if I'd call that incredibly sweet and thoughtful, or just a natural demonstration of how happy she is that the two of you have come into her life. She must be thrilled to finally know the parents of the baby she's carried all these months. It's nice that she's letting you know ... she DOES sound like she really has it together.

Keep us posted!

[albuquerque]

Gina,You have had waaaay more than your share of disappointment and heartbreak, by now you should have plenty of good karma built up. Surely this one will be the one, and she will be a beautiful and brilliant little baby--and you *did* want a girl, didn't you?

[Amuse Bouche]

Hey Gina -- I just wanted to pop in and say "Yay!" As to being chosen! and let you know that I am continuing to send good vibes over there. And that I hope this one comes early! Hugs to you and E (and Mischka and Kuma, too!)

[papergirl]

Gina::

I am deeply sorry for all the trouble you have had with the adoption process. I will keep you in my thoughts and pray that this match is a success for you and Evan.

You really are a strong woman for dealing with this in such a profesional manner.

All the best,

Rebecca

[ginadc]

Hi everyone,

We're back! We had an absolutely wonderful time--it couldn't have gone better. K. is just a great young woman. She's definitely had some issues and challenges in her life, but it's amazing to see how much this pregnancy has focused her and made her think about what she wants for her future and how to make it happen. She wants her daughter to be proud of her when they meet down the road, so she is really thinking about her goals and wanting to get her life together. It's great.

We spent a lot of time together Saturday through yesterday--we were supposed to come back on Monday, but her doctor's office was able to schedule the 3-D ultrasound for Tuesday and K. really wanted us there, so we stayed an extra day. We did our hospital tour, which was great, and the ultrasound was just unbelievable. Even though it's harder to get a lot of good pictures this late in pregnancy, we did get one fabulous photo of our daughter's little face, and they can see that she has a lot of hair. I also got to sit with her while the baby's heart rate was monitored for 20 minutes, which was pretty amazing. Her heart rate even went up when I started talking to K's tummy. Baby is a wee bit small for dates, but the ultrasound tech said that didn't appear to be due to anything wrong with cord blood flow, placenta or anything else--she's just a petite little girl. (She's due Feb. 6 and looks to be just over 6 pounds now.) We also got to just hang out a lot, over brunch and lunches and dinners, and went shopping together to pick out baby's coming-home-from-the-hospital outfit.

K. is very eager to have us there with her in the hospital during the labor and delivery, so we're going to do our best to be ready to bolt as soon as she goes into labor. She seems very sure of her decision; it's not an easy one, but she has a very strong sense of what she wants for this baby and knows that the life she has now isn't it. Fortunately, her mom, who lives in Texas and to whom she's particularly close, is really supportive of the adoption, which helps a lot. She also has been seeing a guy for almost the whole pregnancy, who is not the baby's father but is very sweet and supportive. He joined us for dinner Monday night and we were really impressed with how much he cares about her; he also seemed to really like us a lot, which of course is great.

So...now we're back, trying to get everything in order and caught up on work (yeah, right) before the call comes. If we hadn't had our "long wait" in Orlando with our failed match, we would probably consider going down there next week. But I think we'll have to hold out. If she hits her due date and still hasn't delivered, we'll probably consider going down ahead of time. Oh--and we discovered the most wonderful B&B there, where we were practically adopted by the owner and her husband. They're holding a big room for us and the baby for when we come back, and said they just won't let anyone else have it unless the whole rest of the house is full.

I think this is it, I really do. And I'm so happy not just that we will soon have our beautiful baby daughter, but that we've had the chance to get to know K. I hated going through what we went through in November, but now I'm almost glad we did--or at least, I'm glad that we were ready, here and now, to be matched with her. I guess I understand now what people say about how you'll feel when it's right!

[kmmommy]

Congrats on meeting K, gina! I hope you're holding your baby girl very soon.

[donm425]

Congrats Gina!! I'm so glad you had a great visit and go to experience so much with K!!! I can't wait to read and see pics of you with your little one!

[albuquerque]

Gina, sooo happy to read your last post! More diff to type than to read w kiddo in my lap, but i'm following along and thinking of you all the time!

[Bella213]

Gina - Oh I am just soooo happy for you! Yeah!!!! I am overwhelmed with joy for you.:D :D I can't wait to tell my DH the good news. When I found out what happened that last time, he caught me crying so he asked what was wrong and I told him. He felt so bad. So since then he has asked me if anything new happened and I told him the latest news and he was very happy for you both. This is why I can't wait to tell him tonight. :D Did you and Dh pick a name yet? How long do you have to stay there until you can go back home? You must post pics when you have a moment. I can't wait to see her.

We had our final meeting with the SW this past Saturday. Our attorney filed all the final documents required to finalize the adoption. The SW just has to come down to our home and check it out and then hopefully it won't be too long after that she will be offically ours. Lauren is now sleeping from 7pm until 4:00 am which is awesome! Goodness, I don't miss getting up every hour and a half for a feeding. I can't even imagine what a mother of twins or triplets goes through.:eek: I give them a lot of credit. Well, I am just thrilled for you. Wishing you lot's of luck and I will be thinking about you.

Hugs
Anna

[Jazz]

I'm so happy for you, Gina!! What good news. :D

Bella -- that's wonderful that you're so close to having everything finalized!!

[ginadc]

Thanks guys!!!

We are really optimistic about this one. It just feels right. K. had her meeting with the local social worker yesterday and that went well; she got the birth plan organized and seems pretty happy with the way things are going. She'll have another doctor's appointment on Tuesday for ultrasound and heartrate monitoring; they aren't doing internals at this point, which is interesting. I guess some doctors just don't bother doing them this close to the due date, because you can be 3 cm dilated and have nothing happen for a week, or go from not being dilated at all to active labor overnight. So it really doesn't tell you much of anything.

We have decided on a name, but I think I'm going to wait to post it until we have her in our arms--just don't want to jinx myself! Of course, the fear of jinxing myself did not stop me from buying a bunch of cute little newborn girl clothes on sale at BRU and Buy Buy Baby today... :o

Bella, I'm so thrilled that finalization is near for your little Lauren! We have to get together sometime with our little girls after this roller coaster ride has come to an end. I just loooove Lauren's picture in your avatar--she's adorable!

[Bella213]

Gina I am just so happy for you sweetie! OMG, I am getting very excited for you.:D Just an FYI: Make sure you bring your camera and video camera (if you have one) and get someone beside DH to take some pictures of you both when your daughter arrives!!! Those moments are moments that need to be captured because it's most rewarding to look back. Sometimes while Lauren is asleep, the two of us sit on the sofa and watch the video of the first time we met her. We both sit there and ball our eyes out. It's just so incrediable. But I don't have to tell you this, you probably already have that covered ;)

You must have read my mind. I was going to say that the two of us need to get together one of these days after you and the baby are settled. I would love to meet you. It's gonna take you a few weeks to get into some sort of routine with her. Once that happens, it get's easier to go out and about with her. Lauren got used to the car right away because I needed to go in to work sometimes during the week and I would take her with me. So getting her out of the house and running errands has become second nature to her. Most of the time she is sleeping which is great for me but lately she has been wide awake and just hanging out with mommy while she shops or whatever else I am doing...lol I meant to ask you before, what car seat did you get? I got the Snugride Infant Car Seat - Blackwell with the Snugrider Infant Car Seat Frame. It is light in weight and the pouch below is huge. Pushing it is so easy and the ride for the baby is smooth. I didn't know if you already had one but if you don't I highly reccomend that one. The handle bar adjust. If you are tall, you can click it up and it sits up higher for a taller person. Pretty net especially because Patrick is 6' and I am only 5'2". We need to go and look for a stroller in the next month or so. Patrick has to come because I want him to test them out too. He usually pushes her around when we go out together.

Thank you for the compliments on Lauren. She is just a cutie. People are always stopping me and telling me that she looks like me...lol Of course I agree and add that she has my husbands completion and eyes..ROFL

Well Gina, keep me updated as I am always checking for your posts. I will send you my e-mail address via private message so that you can e-mail me directly whenever you want or we could just exchange phone numbers and chat that way :D

I am keeping you in my prayers.

Hugs
Anna

[albuquerque]

Hi Gina,

Just a tip since you're out buying clothes...those little dresses and pant/top sets are adorable, but if you're like me, convenience and the comfort of the baby will make your first choice a one-piece sleeper, *with* feet. The little socks are toooo cute but they only stay on like 10 seconds max. And if you must get actual clothes (as opposed to sleepers), look for things that button down the front. Clothes that button down the back often have adorable stuff on the front, but are a pain to get on/off. And anything that has to go over her head is just a disaster. They HATE it.

Thinking of you and checking this thread often!

ETA: don't go too nuts with the newborn size--they grow so quickly! Zoe outgrew premie and newborn before she was born, 0-3 lasted less than 4 weeks, and now she's outgrowing her 3-6 month clothes! 6-9 is what fits comfortably, and she's only 11 weeks old!

[suzubeane]

... convenience and the comfort of the baby will make your first choice a one-piece sleeper, *with* feet. I can't see a one-piece sleeper w/out remembering that my ex-H used to dress his older son (my kids' half-brother) in these until he was about 6 years old! He used to let him run around and play in them outside not knowing they were PJs! (He's from Italy; he thought they were some American kid's clothing. :rolleyes:)

So yes, they are convenient. ;)

Gina, it really sounds like the planets are all aligned for this. It's so great to hear that K's Mom and BF are supporting her choices - that will be so important down the road on her end. She may have had it rough, but she's a fortunate young woman right now, and it sounds like she's making the most of that. Good for her. And of course, all of you, too!

[ginadc]

Alb, that's 90% of what I bought! :D I figure we'll probably be pretty lazy early on and dress her mostly in sleepers, though I did get a few cute little outfits as well. (And a "Make Babies Not Bombs" onesie. Hee!) BRU had some great deals on those tagless summer sunsuit outfits, so I grabbed a few of those in 3-6 months sizes.

Bella, we also got the Snugride car seat with the SR stroller frame. I was looking at the Snap-n-Go, but when we learned that there was a SR-specific frame, we went with that. We're thinking of the Inglesina Zippy for a "general" stroller.

Everything's still looking good! We got a call from K. on Saturday as we were driving home from a friend's son's first birthday party. (I ended up holding another friend's 6-month-old daughter half the time and was like, "Oh boy, I can't wait for this!") She's doing well, and we had another really good long talk. I can't remember what I had said, but at one point she just burst out, "Oh, I'm so glad I met you guys!" We are, too! I can't believe she is due in exactly one week from today. Her next doctor's appointment is tomorrow at 10, so we'll see how things look...I'm probably 85% packed so that we could leave quickly if need be. Evan swears he's going to do the same tonight!

[albuquerque]

Gina, do you have a Boppy? I guess you won't be BFing, but they are SOOOO great just for holding, bottle feeding, and when you're up all night and you don't get a chance to lay Baby down for more than 30 seconds without a Bing! wakeup, it makes it muuuuuch safer by stabilizing you and making you much less likely to drop her should you drop off to sleep yourself. I Loooooooove our Boppy, and anyone who comes over and holds or rocks DD loves it too.

ETA: This is something I was *really* glad I had in those first early days at the hospital. I know it's bulky, but if you have one I'd recommend that you take it with you, if you can. Those first days are when you'll be getting the least sleep, and when you'll be the most nervous about leaving her sleeping by herself, which for me equalled holding her pretty much all the time.

[Alanna]

Alb, we also got the Snugride car seat with the SR stroller frame. I was looking at the Snap-n-Go, but when we learned that there was a SR-specific frame, we went with that. We're thinking of the Inglesina Zippy for a "general" stroller.
tonight!

this is exactly what we are doing! we havent bought the zippy yet (we have debated between the zippy nad the p3.. pretty sure we will get the zippy) the snugride stroller frame has been awesome. its so nice and light.. definitely one of the best decisions we made!

i am so happy for you... ill be lurking like crazy in the next few days :)

[Sebski]

Congratulations Gina - I hope all goes well and you have that little girl in your arms soon! :)

[Natasha]

Gina! I am so HAPPY for you! So happy! I am sending so many prayers and vibes your way. I REALLY want this to work for you! YAY!

[Bliss]

Hi Gina! Stopping in to tell you that Dylan and I are going to keep you, DH and bmom in our thoughts this week :D You truly deserve this happiness and we are rooting for you. Cannot wait to see you on the Nov/Dec mommies thread so you know what you are in for LOL.

[ginadc]

You all are wonderful! Thank you so much!

We are still on pins and needles. K. and I talked for a long time yesterday--she said that she had thought the baby had dropped before, but now she's really dropped. Like "it feels like she's between her legs" dropped. She was having really strong and persistent Braxton-Hicks contractions yesterday to the point that she and her BF almost decided to go to the hospital last night to see if she might be in early labor, but then when I talked to her again today they had decided not to, after things got a little less strong. So she's still holding out for the moment.

Her next doc's appointment is tomorrow--I had thought it was supposed to be Tuesday (yesterday), a week from her last one, but it's actually Thursday. So hopefully we will know more about how things look then! I keep checking Expedia to see what flights are available in the upcoming 24-48 hours, and we now both have our suitcases pretty well fully packed. Could be any time now...please do keep those vibes coming, as they are so much appreciated.

[jesvet]

Sending tons and tons of happy vibes for you for a safe and uneventful birth!!

[Heidi]

gina - I have been lurking along and I can't wait to see your post announcing that your baby girl is in your arms!

[ali&dc]

Gina -
I've been lurking as well and couldn't be happier for you guys! I can't wait to hear news of your sweet daughter's arrival!
Best wishes,
ali

[albuquerque]

Hi Gina! Just stopping in to say that *I'm* on pins and needles watching this thread, so I can't imagine what you're going through right now! Every time a day or so goes by without a post from you, I sit around thinking "maybe she's in Ohio, holding her little baby for the first time right now...."

[Asha]

hi, we have thought about adopting children, but my dh isn't totally comfortable with the idea bc it is basically unheard of in his family/culture. are there websites that could lead us to adoption support groups, so my dh could become more educated about it?