Adoptive Parents and Parents to Be

[Amuse Bouche]

Delurking to say Gina's daughter has been born! I'll let her update on details and name, but I'm just thrilled for her!

[kmmommy]

That's wonderful news, Amuse! Congratulations, Gina!

[Phen]

OH!!! Fabulous news, thanks for posting it Amuse!!!

~ Phen

[Bliss]

This is the news I had dropped in to see, congrats Gina!! :D Cannot wait to hear all of the details.

[jesvet]

Yaay Gina!

[newyorkgirl]

That's wonderful news!

[maxandmolly]

What fabulous news! Can't wait for all the details to trickle in as they become a family!

[karlatta]

Congrats, Gina! I can't wait to hear more!

rebjc - www.adoption.com has some message boards that I've read through just to get an idea of how things work. That might help your DH.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

DH and I start our foster care training classes on the 23rd. I can't tell you how excited I am. Our best estimate is that we should have children in our home in about 6 months. (We still have to complete our training, do a homestudy, sell our house, move, and get our new house inspected, so we have quite a bit to do!) So excited!

[albuquerque]

Amuse, thanks so much for letting us know! Gina, I'm SOOO excited for you! Welcome to Motherhood! I can't wait to hear allll about it! I probably don't need to tell you, but please write down what you're thinking/feeling whenever you have the energy to do it; those first few magical moments are gone so quickly. I have to run over to the Nov/Dec Mommies thread to tell them...I think that like me, a lot of them feel that you will always be a November Mommy, you just had your baby 3 months overdue!

ETA: Karlatta, congratulations on your progress! I love this thread!

[Bella213]

Thank You so much Amuse for delivering the good news! I am jumping up and down for Gina & DH!!!! :D :D Super Thrilled for them! I can't wait to hear the details Gina!!!!

Hugs

Anna

[Asha]

thanks karlatta!

[IrisHope]

Gina Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[suzubeane]

karlatta - congratulations on the progress! FWIW, three of my friends went the foster-to-adopt route in next door Massachusetts, and each case went very smoothly. Good luck!

Congrats, Gina! Can't wait to hear all about your daughter.

[Alanna]

So happy and excited for you Gina!! I cant wait to hear all the details!

[ginadc]

Thanks for giving everyone the news, Amuse--we have been just a wee tad busy, as you might imagine! I couldn't wait to get over here and tell you all about our little girl, though. We are over the moon!

We got the call on Friday morning--as soon as I heard my cell phone ringing in the predawn hours, I knew it was K, our birthmom! She was having contractions five minutes apart. We thought we might not make it in time, but we got to Georgia and to the hospital by 4 pm and Annika Rose was born at 8:37 pm. She was 7 pounds and 20 inches long, and has beautiful dark blue eyes and a ton of gorgeous dark brown hair. She is, like Mary Poppins, "practically perfect in every way!" We are utterly besotted with her. We both were there through the labor and got to see our daughter come into the world, and Evan got to cut the cord. It was amazing!

Last night, K. signed consent, and today we were allowed to take our daughter "home" from the hospital to our wonderful B&B here in Savannah. We'll be here probably for another week-ish with ICPC; the social worker told us this morning that she had gotten some of the paperwork directly from the hospital that it sometimes takes a long time to get, so hopefully it will be on the shorter end of the timeframe rather than the long end. But right now, we're enjoying our babymoon!

Annika is beautiful, healthy and perfect. I cannot imagine a more gorgeous, wonderful, perfect baby. And we just love K. with all our hearts. It truly was worth the wait, worth all the pain and all the tears and all the "I can't do this anymore" moments (of which there were many). I can't believe I'm a mommy! Right now she's sound asleep next to me in our borrowed bouncy seat, and it'll be time for her late afternoon bottle soon.

Here are a couple of photos of Her Highness:

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b6dc27b3127cce971ad9f402da00000025108AatWzFm3aNK

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b6dc27b3127cce971afaed424a00000015108AatWzFm3aNK

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b6dc27b3127cce971ae1d602e400000026108AatWzFm3aNK

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b6dc27b3127cce971ad165837f00000025108AatWzFm3aNK

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b6dc27b3127cce971ad60542b400000026108AatWzFm3aNK

[Lindzee82]

Gina - Ohhhh! Congratulations!!!!! I am just so excited for you!!!! I am so happy that you finally have your baby in your arms. She is so beautiful and her name is so pretty. I am so happy for you!

[maxandmolly]

Ooooooooooooh, look at those eyes, that face! No one could look at that face, and ever doubt it was worth everything you went through to get here. She's so perfect, congratulations to you and mr. gina and your new baby girl! I hope the paperwork redtape continues to run smoothly, and you can head home as a family soon!

[kbgirl28]

ginadc, CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEW PARENTS!!!! So happy for you! Annika Rose is absolutely beautiful!!! You all look so happy!!! Your life has just changed in such a wonderful way! I am so excited for you. Take Care and enjoy this special and wonderful time!!!!

[kris97]

seeing those pictures- of you, your husband, and your beautiful daughter -- brings tears to my eyes. so, so incredibly happy for all of you.

[Sebski]

Look at that princess!!! What a beautiful daughter you have Gina - congrats and much love to the new family!

[Sully130]

ginadc - A few weeks ago I stumbled across this thread one night and read the entire thing. I gasped and cried when I read as you experienced the heartache and disappointment you experienced. I also remember reading about your previous hardships (and perseverence) on the WC. Now I can't smile any greater when I look at these wonderful pictures of your new family. :D Annika Rose is a beautiful girl and she has been blessed with wonderful new parents, and a loving birthmom also who saw in you what her child needed most. Congrats to you and your husband on the birth of your daughter. I hope you are able to take her home soon.

[cantwait]

I am in tears of joy for you and your family. Annika is breathtaking and you look so incredibly happy. Congratulations and best wishes!

[Phen]

:D :D :D

~ Phen

[Jazz]

What a beauty! I'm so happy for you!! :D

[portlandbride]

A heartfelt congratulations to your family on your new little girl! She's beautiful!

[karlatta]

Annika is BEAUTIFUL! I am so happy for you guys. Congratulations!

[Ole Miss Bride]

Holy crap that is a beautiful baby. Seriously, she is really, really beautiful. Congratulations to you, Gina!

-Betsy

[cartersmommy]

oh gina, congrats!! she is just BEAUTIFUL! she was meant to be yours! all the heartbreak was so worth it!! :) i'm so happy for you guys!

[Twylla]

Congrats Gina! Annika is gorgeous, and very Mary Poppins!!!! What a lucky little girl to have you.

[jesvet]

Gina, she is soooo beautiful! HUGE congratulations on the long awaited birth of your family!!

[honeygirl]

Gina - Congratulations on your beautiful new arrival! She has the brightest eyes! :)

[suzubeane]

Holy crap that is a beautiful baby. Seriously, she is really, really beautiful. Haha! I think this was my exact reaction!

Gina, congratulations to you and your family!

[albuquerque]

Oh Gina, I'm sooo happy for you, I really can't even express it. I've been waiting and waiting to see your post, holding my breath. Annika Rose is a beautiful name, for such a beautiful perfect little baby. (Actually all three of you are a very attractive family!)

Sooner or later I'll be taking Zoe to the US, and whenever that will be, we'll spend some time with my cousin in Upper Montclair. We would love the chance to meet you and Annika!

[Bella213]

Gina I am overwhelmed with tears of joy for you and Evan. I am so happy for the both of you. Annika is just beautiful. May God bless you all with love and happiness always. Thank you for posting the pictures. You made me relive my experience when I first laid eyes on our daughter.

I can't wait to see more pictures.

Hugs to you and enjoy every moment to the fullest because they grow so fast!!!

Anna

[albuquerque]

Bella213, I totally missed all the excitement when you first took your little girl home, because it happened at the same time that I went into the hospital to give birth to DD. Recently I went back and read all the pages of this thread that I missed in the week I was in the hospital and the very busy first weeks home that followed. It made me so happy to read your story. Few things in modern life seem quite so miraculous to me as a successful adoption story. Lauren is beautiful, you must be such a happy family!

And I think our little girls are very close to the same age! What is Lauren's birthday? Is she a late October or an early November baby? I guess she must be an October baby, because I haven't seen you over in the November Mommies thread. But if I'm wrong about that, please come join us in the Nov/Dec Mommies thread! We're all sharing stories about how our babies are starting to laugh, Zoe has become so vocal just in the last few days--her polite little coos from before have become these very exuberant squeals this week! 3 months old is a wonderful time to be alive, I guess.

[bookworm]

Congratulations! She's really, really lovely.

[Alanna]

Gina Annika is Such a beautiful baby! Congrats to all of you... I am so happy for you all... what a lucky little girl to have such wonderful, loving parents! Her name is just as beautiful as she is! we have all been following your story over in the November/December thread... I feel like our last baby has finally been born! Can't wait to hear more about your sweet daughter :)

[ali&dc]

Gina - Congrats to you and your sweet little family! You guys deserve all of the happiness in the world! What a beauty you guys have!
Best wishes!!

[Bella213]

albuquerque Thanks Alb. Lauren was born November 3rd, 2005. She is cooing now and smiling up a storm. Once in a while she let's out a scream and frightens herself to the point where she starts to cry...lol

I am going to join the Nov/Dec Mommie Thread. I just haven't had the time since I have gone back to work full-time.


Well I am at work and I have to go for now.

TTYL

Bella

[allyray231]

Oh Gina she is amazing!! Congrats to you both!

[CTs_Punkin]

Gina

I have been lurking in here for quite some time and have read about your trials and tribulations... I am so happy to see this come to fruition and that you have a beautiful healthy baby girl in your arms finally!
Congrats again - you have given me so much hope that even when things look bleak, there is a light at the end of the tunnel!

Congrats again.

[knoelani]

Gina~ Huge congrats to you on the growth of your family. I have lurked along with everyone else and am so happy for you to see this dream become reality. Annika is beautiful and I hope the three of you have a lifetime of love together. You are such an inspiration to all of us "waiting to be moms" and thank you for sharing your journey with us. Congrats again.

[kmmommy]

Congratulations, Gina and DH! Welcome Annika (Great name - same as my niece)!

She is a beautiful baby!

[papergirl]

Gina - Congratulations on your new bundle of joy. Though I have never met you I have no doubt you will be an amazing mother and your daughters life will be filled with joy and smiles. All the best to your new family.

[IrisHope]

Gina, could she be more beautiful???? Congrats to you and Evan!!!

[redletterband]

Hi Gina - I'm another lurker coming out of the woodwork to give a shout out with everyone else. Annika is gorgeous and my heart is overflowing with happiness for your entire family.

[pixielou]

another lurker here. and a mom to a one n'd anika.

the sanskrit roots for the name anika/annika means "extremely beautiful". your little girl exceeds her name!

congratulations to you, your husband and your little girl.

~pixie

[zhannushka]

Hi Gina - I've lurked in here for a while and followed your adoption story.

I just wanted to de-lurk and say CONGRATULATIONS! Your daughter is gorgeous and you couldn't look happier! I am so excited for you!

Zhanna

[AirForceLove]

Hi Gina. I have been reading this thread for the past few month, waiting in anticipation for you and DH to be blessed with your baby. I am sitting here at work with tears in my eyes. I am so happy for you and your DH. Annika is beautiful name to go with a beautiful baby girl. Congratulations! :D :D :D

[LindsaySD]

OH!! She is so gorgeous...and she actually looks a lot like you with the dark hair and eyes. Congratulations!!!!

[Summerseven]

Oh Gina, I'm so very very happy for you! I knew you would get your angel, and god she's gorgeous!! A perfect little girl :) And what a great name Annika! So pretty :)

[mimieliza]

Wow. Just wow. I found this thread tonight, as DH and I have been talking about adoption lately, and I read through the entire thing. I cannot believe how strong and amazing the mothers in this thread are! Truly, truly amazing.

Gina, your daughter is so beautiful! Congratulations! :D

[sophiapb]

Congratulations Gina! I kept checking back to this thread to see the good news and I'm thrilled to see that your daughter has arrived. OMG, you're a MOM! How amazing is that!?!?!? :D

[ginadc]

Wow! I cannot believe how many people have responded to Annika's birth announcement...I'm really overwhelmed! You all are so sweet. We really are overjoyed--she is absolutely beyond anything we've ever dreamed of.

Betsy and Suzu, I'm totally cracking up at the "holy crap, what a beautiful baby" line!:D Seriously, I keep saying "Look, I know I'm biased and everything and all babies are cute, but dayum...isn't she gorgeous?" Of course, her birthmom is absolutely beautiful as well, so that's no surprise. We've had the chance to spend a lot of time with her while we're down here awaiting the snail-like crawl of paperwork to wrap up (probably not until mid-next week), and we are just thrilled that she's part of our lives too.

Annika is doing just great. She has her first well-baby visit with the peds at the med center where she was born on Monday, since we won't be home to see our own ped until later. Meantime, she's just busily enchanting everyone she meets. She's a Weapon of Mass Cuteness.

Bella, we really have to get together when we're back in town! I'm sure Annika and Lauren will get along famously!

I'll keep you all posted, and again, thanks so much everyone for being so wonderfully supportive!

[bluebunny]

Gina, how absolutely wonderful! She's beautiful! And she favors you! That dark hair looks like yours! :)

A friend of mine is anxiously awaiting the adoption of her son; the birthmom is due this week. I am praying that things go smoothly with the adoption. They've had some heartache through the adoption process as well and I can't wait to rejoice with them with their son arrives.

[Natasha]

Gina--I am sitting here in tears. She is amazingly beautiful, and I am so so so happy for you!

[kmmommy]

Gina ~ Glad to hear things are going so well with Annika (and b-mom too)!

[lml41981]

What a beautiful family. Congratulations, Gina!!!

[duke's flygirl]

Congratulations Gina! She is a doll!

[Aletheia]

gina- this might sound strange, but looking at those pictures I'm tempted to say "man, you look great for having delivered a baby!" And the reason is because Annika so very much looks like you! If ever there was a picture that says sometimes the child you are intended to have falls into someone else's uterus by mistake, it's yours! She is so very obviously your baby girl. (Ok, and your DH's too. :D )

Congratulations!

[Bella213]

Gina - I am just overwhelmed with joy for you and DH!!! She is just absolutley beautiful. I am so happy for you :D :D :D Yes, I would love to get together when you have time. Lauren and Annika I am sure will connect in some way, just like I know that we will connect too. You have my e-mail address and I believe I gave you my phone numbers. When you have a chance, I would like to get your address if I could. I bought something for Annika and I would be thrilled if you would allow me to send it off to you.

BTW, I don't know fi you have been watching the news, but NY & NJ & CT got hammered with snow!!!! :eek: DH & I measured how much we got up in Katonah and we got 21 inches!!!!! YIKES! I took Lauren out in her snow suit and just to get an idea of how much snow we got, I put her directly into a pile of snow that was untouched and it supported her vertically with no problem. We got some great shots of her. One of them is the one I am using next to my name.

Write when you have a chance.
HUGS

Anna

[karlatta]

Quick Update...

We are well on our way! I posted earlier about having our first training classes scheduled. We now have everything scheduled. We do our big training (called GSP, I think) on the 23rd, 24th, and 25th of Febuary. On March 4th, we will take First Aid/CPR, a class on Psych Meds, and a class on Behavior. On March 14th, we'll take our second Behavior class and then we're done!

After that, all we'll have to do is move (ugh!) and get the fire and safety inspection done for our new house. Things are already moving much faster than I thought they would. As long as our house doesn't sit on the market forever, we should receive a child sometime this summer!

[albuquerque]

Congratulations, Karlatta! I was reading your post and thinking that it's a shame that it isn't required for people to take these classes before becoming parents of their biological children. I, for instance, have a 3 month old baby, but I've never taken a class on CPR. That really should be illegal...

[pocket]

I’ve been lurking for a while so thought I’d come out and say hi! Congratulations to you, gina, your DD is beautiful and you and DH look so amazingly happy.

My story is that Pita and I have been TTC for 2 ½ years. I have PCOS and so far nothing has made me ovulate. We are about to try Clomid # 3 – only our third cycle in a year of treatment. The long endless cycles are so grim. We’re talked about adoption a lot – there are many adopted families in our family and it seems like it was meant to be. We thought we should TTC first because of the age factor, and then adopt our second child. Well we’re tired of waiting to have a family. We are hoping to pursue both simultaneously and see how it goes. It gets harder and harder to pursue fertility treatments with diminishing chances of success and increasing costs every time when adoption is so much more likely to end in a family than fertility treatments are. I keep asking myself why I am doing it at all.

We are thinking of an independent international adoption from a hospital or orphanage in Asia facilitated by pocketmom. She is chomping at the bit to get moving and has all her networks lined up. She has live contacts in Hanoi and in Manila. We don’t have a lawyer yet in Vietnam, but my cousin David will handle the adoption for us in Manila if that happens first. So as we move forward we are also beginning to talk to friends and family who have adopted about their stories. I’ll post those as I find them.

On the US end we need to have a home study done. I have to make some calls about this next week and find out who our friends used. We haven’t really thought much about domestic adoption.

[albuquerque]

Pocket, it's such a small world...imagine finding you here! I'd like to adopt someday but I'm not sure how that works in Greece, and something tells me that DH and his family would be stunned by the very idea. I asked DH before we were married if he would consider adoption if we couldn't conceive, and he said of course (I wouldn't have stayed with him otherwise). But now that we know we can have children biologically, I know he'll be confused that I'd still like to adopt. You knew that my sister was adopted, right? I just feel very strongly that there's something really magical about adoption. Actually I remember the moment 26 years ago when they put my little sister into my arms for the first time more clearly than the moment 3 months ago when they put DD into my arms. Very likely that has a lot to do with the physical ordeal of birth, but seeing that adopted baby for the first time was in every way as amazing as seeing the baby I'd just given birth to for the first time.

[karlatta]

Update!

DH and I finished our first round of training classes! We only have two more to do. All should be done by March 14th.

Now we just have to do crazy stuff to our house to get it ready. We need to put fire alarms in all of our bedrooms, lock up all of our medicines, clean out closets, and buy new furniture. And tons more. It's a lot of work to do, and we're trying to get it done as quickly as possible. We want to be ready for a child at the first of June. So soon!

[Bella213]

Hi Everyone

This thread is getting too quiet for me...LOL :D :D I got Lauren a Bumbo and as you can see below, she loves it! Here are some pictures of our beautiful daughter sitting up watching her mommy cook in the kitchen.

Hey Gina, WHERE ARE YOU!!!! I MISS YOU! I know you must be adjusting to having Annika home now. I hope everything is going well and when you have a moment, check in.

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e54/Bella213213/7766475a.jpg
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e54/Bella213213/IMG_0872.jpg

[Astro]

Bella What an adorable small appliance you have on your counter. :) She's so cute! and happy.

[kmmommy]

Bella ~ Lauren is so beautiful. I was looking at her pictures last night and my 18-month old DS was sitting on my lap pointing at and talking to her. He actually yelled when I left this thread. :D

[Bella213]

Thanks Astro & Kaeden! Kaeden, that's so funny about what your son did. You had me laughing. DH put her among the appliances because he got such a kick out of her blending in..lol I couldn't stop laughing and she started to laugh when she saw me laughing. DH got the perfect shot. Lauren is starting to gurgle back when you speak to her. DH sits there and gurgles to her ans she literally gurgles back. I got it on video and it's just too cute. She is growing so fast. She turned 4 months on the 3rd of this month. She started her solid foods now. Peas, Carrots, Pears, Bananas, Beef w/Broth (man does that stuff stink) yuk :eek: She eats everything without a fuss. I am truly blessed. She is also sleeping longer (THANK GOODNESS) 7pm until 11:45 pm then she gets up again at about 4:30 or so for anther feeding. I definately do not miss those sleepless nights...ROFL

Well I hope everyone else is doing well. I am going to go to bed. I am exhausted. We had friends come over for dinner and I am pooped.

TTYL

Bella

[ginadc]

Massive drive-by posting as I am crazybusy--but I'm still out here, alive, and an ecstatic new mommy! We had a surprise shower this weekend--well, it was a surprise for me, though not for DH. Several of our friends put it together and completely caught me by surprise (they had to collude with DH to make it work so he was "spoiled"). When I walked in the room expecting a casual lunch with a few friends and instead saw my in-laws and all our friends yelling "Surprise!" I almost lost it. It was one of the nicest things anyone's ever done for me/us; just to feel that so many people cared so much and were so excited to welcome Annika, I can't even explain how that felt.

Meanwhile, Miss Annika is almost five weeks old and getting more gorgeous and adorable by the day. A quick picture before I run off to get dinner ready:

http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b6dd23b3127cce9794fb13ad2d00000016108AatWzFm3aNK

Gotta rush for now, but I promise I'll be back and posting more actively soon. I'm actually still working (as a freelancer, if I don't work I don't get paid!) and I'm slamming with a couple of killer deadlines this week. Fortunately, Miss Annika and I seem to be working out a good schedule--but it keeps me hopping!

[Sal03]

Bella longtime lurker but I just had to tell you I have been wanting to get a bumbo seat but DH did not see the difference with the bouncy but then I showed him the pics of Lauren and he is so convinced. He said those were just the cutest pictures he had ever seen!! Lauren really is so adorable!

Gina also wonderful to hear you sounding so well. You sound like you have definitely entered the busy but so happy mommy club!

[ginadc]

Oh, crap. I just learned about the new Shutterfly photo posting problem. ARGH!!!! So annoying. Anyway, when I have time to move my photos to a site that lets me link, then I'll post a pic or two...

[Bella213]

GINA!! I was so happy to see you're post. I am glad that everythiing is going well with Annika. How is she sleeping? ARe you getting up a lot? Goodness, I don't miss those days. Maybe as soon as the weather starts to get a bit warmer, we can meet for lunch with our girls? I would love to meet you and Annika. She is so adorable! I am thrilled for you and DH. Lauren is 4 months old now. She is growing so fast. I started her on solids now. She is eating fruits and some veggies. She likes her fruits but is still not too keen on her veggies. I took some pictures last Sunday after I gave her a bath and they came out pretty good.

Lauren at 4 months
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e54/Bella213213/4387b3d8.jpg
http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e54/Bella213213/IMG_0878.jpg

I am using www.photobucket.com to post pictures here. It's very easy to use.

Sal We love our BUMBO! I am so glad your DH decided to get one. I love placing her right on the counter while I am cooking. We can interact with each other and I really feel like she is involved with everything that is going on. She actually sits there and watches cartoons in her bumbo. The other day Dh came home from work and he opened the door and he saw her sitting on the counter watching TV. So he called her name and she slowly turned her head gave him a quick smile and then slowly turned her head back to watch her program. OMG, the two of us just started to crack up. It was almost like "Hey dad, how are ya, good I hope, anyway let me get back to watching my show" ROFL This age is the best. I hope you have as much fun with it as we are.

Well I am going to hit the hay. I am wiped out. She is teething and she has been a handful lately.

TTYL
Bella

[Bastille]

What a happy thread this is to read:)

Bella - your daughter is absolutely beautiful - what eyes!

Gina - your surprise shower had me in tears how wonderful to be welcomed, loved and valued so much by friends and family - Annika is a lucky little girl. I am looking forward to seeing more pictures.

[karlatta]

Bella - Lauren is gorgeous! I love those eyes!

We finished up all of our foster parenting classes last night. So now we just have to do mounds of paperwork. We should be all set to have a placement this summer! I'm so excited!

[IrisHope]

Anna, my niece looks gorgeous, as usual!

[albuquerque]

Congratulations Karlatta! So I guess you're in your "third trimester" then! :)

[ginadc]

Hi everyone! Just wanted to check into this somewhat neglected thread. I have unfortunately been too busy to upload Annika's pictures to one of the other photo sites, so I don't have any new pictures to post (grrr on Shutterfly). But things are going very well here! She goes in for her 2-month well-baby visit on Monday and we're very excited to hear how her ped thinks she's doing--and also very anxious about seeing her have her shots. :(

She's sleeping pretty well; still not "through the night" of course, but she's a very good night sleeper. Less so during the day--it's easiest to get her to nap if I have her in the sling. And it's so much fun watching how much more interactive and interested in everything she's getting, with something new almost every day. It's hilarious--we have some of our best "conversations" when I'm changing her! She used to hate having her diaper changed/clothes changed, but now it seems like she's decided that's a really good time to watch mommy and coo at me.

Meanwhile, her birthmom is doing very well and loves her new job, so we're very happy about that too.

We were in Nebraska to visit my parents in mid-March, and of course we barely got to hold A. at all over the weekend. I knew my mom would be over the moon, but the best part was watching my dad--sort of a "lovable curmudgeon" type--turn into Mr. Soft Gooey Center. Very cute. We're going back in early June for a party my parents throw every summer, but I'm thinking about sneaking out there for my mom's birthday in early May to surprise her.

Oops, gotta run--takeout dinner is here!

[karlatta]

Our homestudy has been scheduled! It's in two weeks. It is crazy how fast this can move - hopefully things will continue to go smoothly and we'll receive placement of one or two children this summer.

I'm so excited, and so overwhelmed that I still have so much to do!

[ginadc]

Oh, Karla, good luck! I was so nervous with our home study, but everything was really easy.

At last I've uploaded some pics to Flickr--so here is Annika's "I'm two months old" picture:

http://static.flickr.com/39/123284137_5eb8219ca2.jpg?v=0

I can't believe how much she's grown! She had her two-month peds appointment yesterday and the doctor pronounced her "perfect." (Yay!) I think I cried more than she did when she got her shots--she turned tomato red and YELLED at each one, but then subsided pretty quickly. It took mommy longer to recover. :o :(

[newyorkgirl]

Oh gosh, ginadc, she's turning into such a beauty! :) I can't believe how much she's changed!

[Amuse Bouche]

OK, Gina, if you've figured out how to post to flickr, you're holding out on us! More pictures of Miss Annika, please! For those of us benighted west coasters who don't get to meet her in person!

[albuquerque]

Gina, she's soooo beautiful!!!

[suzubeane]

Karla - that's so exciting! You've really gotten so much done - keep us posted.

Thanks for the update, Gina - she sure is a beauty!

[ginadc]

Oooh, if I must... :D

http://static.flickr.com/42/123284378_5ff86290bc.jpg?v=0

http://static.flickr.com/35/123284324_5f814d5dcc.jpg?v=0

(Can you believe those eyelashes?)

http://static.flickr.com/40/123284228_6cc1b61b68.jpg?v=0

(Evan's mom made her fleece coat)

Finally, I call this one "the littlest progressive":

http://static.flickr.com/43/123284190_20f65c481f.jpg?v=0

Thanks, everybody for the compliments! I wish I could take credit for "making" her...but it all goes to her birthparents. I've never seen her bdad, but her birthmom is really beautiful, so I guess she takes after her!

Amuse, you really need to pop back for a visit one of these days!

[Amuse Bouche]

Well, I'm bowled over by the cuteness. We're definitely visiting in the fall, but I'm keeping my eyes out for cheap fares.

[Ki Ki Marcus]

Hey guys! DH and I are staring the adoption process. And when I say starting... I mean we're setting up inerviews (rather, attending orientation meetings) with adoption agencies to find the right one for us.

We are planning an international (China) adoption.

How many different agencies did you look at before deciding on one to work with? Can you suggest questions we should be asking at these orientations? Specific information that we should be looking for? What was the deciding factors that you used to choose your agency?

Also, we're in Richmond, VA. We have only a few local agencies that we feel are strong enough to even look at (two, maybe three). Did anyone use an agency not located in their city? I've been thinking of looking at agencies as far away as DC and am wondering if there is a difference if the agency is local or not.

Thanks!

[karlatta]

Ki Ki Marcus - I wish I knew more about the adoption process. I'm setting up to be a foster parent, so I can't help answer any of your questions.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update for Us! We finished our homestudy today, and according to our social worker, we should be licensed by the end of the month (and that's in 10 days!). She said we could expect a call within a few weeks for a placement. I am so excited! We are going to be licensed for two children under the age of 6. :D

[albuquerque]

Congratulations Karlatta!! That's so exciting! It must be amazing to know that your kids are already out there somewhere, and you'll be meeting them within a few weeks!

[kris97]

delurking to offer congrats and good luck to karlatta. it's so awesome to see this happen for you. you can just tell how excited you guys are to be parents. :)

[aidensmommy]

Hello,

First off, I am new to this thread. I used to be part of wedding channel for october 04 babies (i think my log in was august03bride), and have been lurking on constant chatter since.

Our son was born oct 31st, 2004, so he is 17 1/2 months old now. I had a difficult pregnancy with 5 months of bedrest. fortunately, I was able to carry my son to full-term, but have since been diagnosed with endometriosis, and have completed 6 months of hormone therapy to manage my pain. With that all behind me now, the prospect of a second difficult pregnancy and the worsening of my endo scared both my husband and I, and a second pregnancy is not in the picture for us.

Soooo, that brings us, or at least me at this point into the realm of adoption. My husband is not as "on board" with this as I am, he is 9 years older, feels stressed enough with our son, and questions our ability to financially as well as emotionally support a second child. For this reason, we've taken no actions toward adoption....until this week.

I heard from my mother (who lives cross country) about this baby at her church. The baby girl is 4 months old, born 2-3 months premature, healthy now and living with her bgrandparents. Bmom wanted nothing to do with this baby (I think she's 22 or 23, and she already has a 14 month old). Bmom is into drugs, but everyone is pretty sure she stayed clean during the short pregnancy (but who really knows). Bgrandma is a RN and has seen no signs of withdrawls in the baby, but exposure may have been there.

Regardless, on with the story....Bmom didn't want to keep the pregnancy, but Bgrandparents are very religious, and begged and pleaded with her to keep the pregnancy and they would raise the baby. They currently have custody of the baby and Bmom has never even visited. Bgrandparents are in their 60s and are beginning to question their ability to raise this little girl, and are considering an adoption...an open adoption if I understand correctly.

This whole course of events sent my husband into a spiral of panic. Of course, we have very little baby things left in our home, as my way of dealing with secondary infertility was to donate all items immediately upon my son's outgrowing them... ha ha! We also are by no means well off and live very frugally now, so I question our "worthiness" to take this baby.

The bgrandparents are being informed this week by my mom's best friend (who happens to be a close friend of theirs) that we may (big "may") be interested. From what I understand, they were hoping to find someone locally if they were to go the adoption route as they are reluctant to cut ties with their granddaughter. My husband are just waiting at this point....with the attitude that if it's meant to be, it will be, if not, it wasn't. We still don't even know if we would adopt this little girl if given the opportunity (I really want to, but need full support from my DH).

If this situation does not work, we are going to table the adoption talk for another couple of years until my son gets older and we are better prepared emotionally for the craziness of another baby.

So, since I've been lurking in this forum for a while, I thought I would introduce myself and tell you my story. Who knows what will come of this, I really wish my husband and I saw this with the same enthusiasm....he's more of a realist I suppose.

I was also wondering if anyone out there has adopted in this way. I know there is legal paperwork that would be handled by an attorney, but what other adoption steps are needed? Do you still do the home study and are you still tied up in a lot of paperwork? I guess I was just sort of wondering if the bgrandparents were to consider us as parents, how soon after their approval of us would it be until the adoption would be final?

[Bella213]

Hi Ladies

Sorry I have been MIA! We are trying to sell our home and it's just been nuty the past few weeks.

GINA!!! She is beautiful!! I am so happy for you! :D :D We have to make plans to get together with our daughters and share our experiences. You have my e-mail address, drop me and e-mail soon.

Karlatta - That's fantastic news! I am thrilled for you. Wishing you lot's of luck.

Ki Ki Marcus - We adopted privately so I really can't elaborate on going through an agency.

aidensmommy- I am almost positive you need an attorney and I believe a Home Study must be done and you both need to get ceritified by the court in order to legally adopt her. What you might be going through is a private adoption and Dh & I are just now at the end of adopting our daughter. My suggestion to you if the grandparents decide to place her with you both is get an attorney. He or she will know what needs to be done to legalize everything. I wish you all the best.

So this is Lauren with her new sunglasses at almost 6 months. My daughter is a pip and is just a ball of fire. She is so alert and is now reaching for anything she can.

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e54/Bella213213/sunglasses.jpg

I can't seem to reduce the picture so I am sorry it's so big.

Bella213

[Tandis]

Delurking to say:

Bella - She is absolutely the cutest thing ever! I love that picture! :D

[mimieliza]

aidensmommy -

DH and I went through something fairly similar. My family has very close family friends who have a 17 year old daughter who became pregnant. She was completely in denial, and her parents didn't even know she was pregnant until she was 7 months along. She immediately said she wanted to give the baby up for adoption.

After a lot of talk and consideration, DH and I offered to adopt the baby if that was the path she chose to take. She ended up deciding to raise the baby with the help of her parents, and has blossomed into a wonderful mother. We couldn't be happier for her. :D

But, anyway, we faced the "we could be parents in two months" panic. We immediately consulted with an attorney - I would suggest that you do this as soon as you can. Since the birthmom and grandparents live in a different state, there are definitely complicated legal issues to deal with. You will need to pay your attorney, and probably pay an attorney for the birthmother and possibly the grandparents. Our attorney gave us a very rough estimate of around $5000 per attorney for our situation.

Now, that's a lot of money. We had planned to borrow the money from my parents and then pay them back when we got our tax refund from the child tax credit. It is a $10,000 CREDIT - basically, the government puts that money straight back into your pocket. If you pay less than $10,000 in income taxes in a year, it can be spread out over up to five years.

The drawback to the tax credit is that it can only be used for a completed adoption. So if something falls through, and you end up not adopting, you can be out a lot of money.

The main thing our attorney pointed out is that as soon as you have a plan to adopt, you must start the process of getting background check and homestudy done. These take a minimum of 5-6 weeks in our state, and can take longer in other states. The other issue is the ICPC (Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children). Since your potential child is in another state, that state needs to approve the placement in your home before you can take the child out of the state. This can take a few weeks. In our case, we planned to have one of us (me) stay in the state with the baby until the ICPC was approved.

Also, like you, DH and I are not financially well off. We thought we might be crazy for considering it, but our hearts said it was right. We did not end up adopting, but I know our offer brought a great deal of comfort to our young friend, and helped her realize how very loved and supported she is.

[aidensmommy]

mimieliza -- thank you so much for your response....you've answered exactly what I was looking for....wow, that tax credit seems like a great help, I need to look into it a bit more.

we probably won't hear anything more for a couple of weeks as the birth family needs to sort out their emotions and wishes for this baby girl.

we are scared of the possiblity, but as I think I mentioned before....what's meant to be will be. Part of me really hopes it will work out, another part of me wonders if it would be the best thing right now.....how crazy would it be to have two children 14 months apart! ahhh! of course, it's been done many times before ;)

bella -- your baby is beautiful, congrats!

[marlenanyc]

Hi, I'm Marlena and I heard about these forums from some of the ladies I know from my Wedding Channel days. About me:

Name: Marlena
Married: May 03
Age: 38
Reason for Adopting:
Hubby and I are just starting to seriously consider adoption at this time. We spent the better part of 05 undergoing fertility tests and IUI treatments and at the end of last year just before we were to start IVF I was diagnosed with severe bone marrow failure/rare blood disease. My treatment for that is going well but my dr. says pregnancy would be very high risk - after having a very scary hospital experience at diagnosis my family and I are too concerned about the risks for me to carry my own pregnancy. We have been talking about surrogacy but the sketchy legality concerns me as does the fact that it's just not that well established of a practice compared to adoption.

Reason I'm Here:
I am hungry to hear personal experiences with adoption and to learn! Have picked up some books and have been surfing the net but would love to get help from others like me. Am particularly interested in hearing about open domestic adoption and how long the process took for those of you who went through it...

Look forward to getting to know you all :)

[marlenanyc]

anyone who had a great experience with an adoption attorney or agency (bonus if located in/around the NYC area) - please post or email me privately! Would love to get some leads to get me started.
thanks!
Marlena:)

[ginadc]

Marlena, we love our attorney, Deborah Steincolor, who has offices both in NYC and in Bloomfield, NJ. I have also heard very good things about Robin Fleishner.

[marlenanyc]

thanks for the reco! Really appreciate it.

Marlena

[karlatta]

Good news!

DH and I were licensed as foster parents last week on Wednesday morning. Wednesday afternoon we got a call for a placement. :D We are now waiting for our little baby girl to be released from the hospital so that she can come home to us. (She was born Wednesday and hasn't been released yet.) It should happen sometime today. :eek:

I'm going insane waiting. It is hard to believe that just a week ago, I had no idea this was going to happen. We have no idea how long she'll be able to stay with us, but we've already decided we're going to just enjoy her and do everything we can for her!

[kmmommy]

Congrats Karlatta!

[sophiapb]

So excited for you karlatta. Keep us updated.

[isign]

I am so excited to find this thread!
Name: Julie
Married: December 03
Age: 26 (almost)
Reason for Adopting:
Hubby and I are just starting to seriously consider adoption at this time. We've been TTC for 2 years, and recently had an official diagnosis of infertility, cause unknown. We both really want to start a family but are not ruling out TTC for the future.

For now, we're trying to gather info on different types of adoptions, and decide if we want to do foreign or domestic. We are also trying to figure out how we will pay for the initial adoption expenses. I am really looking forward to learning more.

[alliekat75]

May I join you ladies???

Name: Allison (31)
DH: 33
Married: 12/27/03
Children: Just 2 kitties
Reason for adoption: DH and I had always planned to adopt our 3rd child from China. We recently learned that I have Stage IV endo. This news has moved our adoption plans up a few years. We'll still TTC and pray for a miracle, but more importantly, we're ready to expand our family. We hope to officially begin the adoption process in October 2006.

Karlatta, congratulations on your quick placement.

Isign, we share the same anniversary.

I'm excited to join this thread and learn more from everyone. Has anyone adopted internationally, or more specifically, from China?

TIA.

[Bella213]

Karlatta, Congrats! How Exciting :D :D :D !!! I am so happy for you and Dh!!!


Sorry I have been MIA. Today we finalized our daughters adoption. It was exactly 6 months to the day (we picked her up on November 8th) that we are now legally her mommy & daddy. It was a very emtional day for DH & I in Court. I just started to cry as the Judge was reviewing everything with us and then Dh lost it. It was the best day ever.

She is starting to cry, I have to run. I will catch up with you all later.

Bella

[ginadc]

Oh my gosh, Karlatta, how exciting! Can't wait to hear more.

Bella, I'm so thrilled about your finalization! Ours will take forever (gotta love NJ)--they can't even initiate finalization until six months after the baby's birth, which won't be until August. It'll probably be November before it's done.

Thought I'd drop off one of Annika's 3-month pics:

http://static.flickr.com/53/143443530_ca4dfbd2b6.jpg?v=0

[isign]

What are some websites to learn more about the process and cost? I contacted one agency yesterday, one that is kind of local, and they are sending us info. The lady I talked to said that we need to set up an appointment to talk to them to get more info, but DH wants to look into it more on our own before we meet with anyone.

TIA!!

[suzfuzsunflower]

Hi everyone. I have lurked in this thread for a long time. Adoption is very dear to my heart as I have many family members that are adopted. Before we were married, DH and I decided that we would adopt one day. We are going through infertility, so it appears that adoption may be the sole route to expanding our family, and we may be doing it sooner rather than later. Anyway, I'm not ready to join quite yet...we're still trying.

My main reason for coming in here and outing myself is to say congratulations to karla! This has been a long time coming for you. Enjoy your precious foster daughter! :) My parents did foster care for many years for infants. Most stayed a few days or months at the most....but my youngest sister was adopted after being in foster care with my parents for a while. She is 10 now! :)

Back to lurking in the thread. :)

[karlatta]

Thank you, everyone. Little Girl will be placed in our home tomorrow morning at 10:30. My excitement/anxiety/anticipation leaves me without words. :D

[kris97]

congratulations karlatta and dh! wishing you best of luck with Little Girl. :)

[kbgirl28]

It has been a while since I posted in here--I just finished catching up!

Welcome to all of the new people! Adoption is so wonderful!!

Bella213, Congratulations on the finalization of the adoption! We too just celebrated our 6 month aniversary of the day our daughter was place in our arms (November 9th) I am so happy for you!!

GinaDC, Annika is BEAUTIFUL!!!

Karlatta, Congratulations!! You and your DH must be SO excited. Hope things with Little Girl are going well!

Alliekat75, DH and I adopted from China. Our daughter joined us on November 9, 2005 and we brought her home to the US on November 19th. She is the joy of our lives. She is now 16 months old. I will be happy to answer any questions you might have.

Take Care all!

[karlatta]

Bad News... We had our first court hearing for Little Girl, and the judge decided to go against CPS's recommendation and moved Little Girl to another home, where one of her biological siblings is living. CPS did not want this to happen and wanted Little Girl to stay with us, but the judge made his ruling anyway.

We're now waiting for our next placement. Eventually we'll get one that will be more permanent, but it might take a few tries. :(

[albuquerque]

Karlatta, I'm so sorry. It looks like you guys might be going through some heartbreak. Sooner or later, though (hopefully sooner!) surely you'll get a Little Girl or Little Boy that will end up being yours to keep. And in the meantime you guys are doing the most wonderful, selfless thing I can imagine.

[suzubeane]

So sorry, Karla!

[karlatta]

Well, we have a new placement. These are not adoptable, but we're kind of actually relieved about that. It makes it easier to enjoy them, somehow, because we're not worried about our futures with them as much.

Anyhow, we have a 5 day old boy and an 8 year old girl. It's been a ton of fun (and a ton of work) so far! I'm already exhausted.

[albuquerque]

Wow, Karla, how do you manage? Do you and DH also work day jobs? How could you possibly do this and also hold a job? Newborns are very sweet....but in my opinion the fun really begins at around 3 months, and it REALLY begins at 4 months. I hope you get to have some kiddos around long enough to get past the newborn stage, preferably soon. That no-sleep newborn stage can be really exhausting, and it also has its frightening moments (at least, for us with the 4-hour-screams colic, it was). Are you able to say why these kids aren't adoptable? Is there a chance that you'll get to keep them long?

[karlatta]

albuquerque - Heh! I do not work, so it's easier to manage. Not that I'm not still exhausted, but if I've got time to play on CC, it can't be that bad, right?

The current kids we have aren't adoptable because they will be reunited with their mother in a few months. One day, we'll probably get a placement that will work out for adoption. Until then, we're just going to be patient and try to take care of as many kids as we can.

[ginadc]

Dying to hear more about how things are going with Baby Boy and Little Girl, Karlatta! Any updates?

[karlatta]

Hi Gina! Things are going very well. Baby Boy is two weeks old, and he is just wonderful. He's sleeping well, he rarely fusses, and everyone he meets just adores him. I wish I could post a picture, but trust me, he's a cutie.

Little Girl is 8 years old. Today is her last day of school. I am a little frightened of what the summer will be like with an 8 year old to entertain, but I'm sure it will be fine. I have her signed up for some summer day camps and stuff to kind of keep her occupied.

It's been a huge change in our lives. It is so weird to go from no kids to two in just a matter of minutes. I am exhausted! But it's a good kind of exhausted, and I wouldn't trade what I'm doing for anything in the world.

[suzubeane]

Karla, come on over to the thread for parents of older kids (http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=321&page=6); there are plenty of people with school age kids (6 and up) in the same boat. (i.e. greeting the end of the school year with fear and trepidation. ;).)

[aussie]

Hi! I started reading everything here but gave up looking for the answer to my question.

Has anyone here adopted an older child, and by "older" I mean school age (five years old or older but not a teen)?

My husband says that he would not mind adopting an older child since it can take forever to get an infant. My issue, though, involves the risk factor that I've seen and read so much about older children. A vast majority of older children available for adoption seem to have either phyiscal or mental challenges.

I would appreciate it if anyone can share their experiences with me.

~Krista

[aussie]

Karla: As soon as I made my post I saw yours about fostering the older child. I know that it's still new, but what do you think about adotping a child that age? Is it a requirement that you start off as a foster family or could you go the adoptive route. I'd hate to foster a child and have what happened to you - have a judge not approve the adoption. KWIM?

[karlatta]

aussie - I'll try to answer as best as I can.

My DH and I are happy to foster older children, but we are not interested (at this point, anyway) in adopting an older child. In fact, in the future we are only going to accept placements of children under the age of 4-5. We took the 8 year old in knowing that that she would only be with us for a few months. We really want younger children, for both foster and adoption. We don't really have any real reason for our desire to have younger children - other than the selfish motivation to have as many years as possible with any children we adopt. And the fact that younger children come with less "baggage" than older children.

In Texas, there are three basic things you can do. 1) Foster, 2) Foster-to-Adopt, and 3) Adopt.

With Foster, you are simply foster parents. (This is what DH and I are.) We may have numerous foster children over time. Most will be returned to live with their biological parents or moved to other foster homes after living with us for a while. There is a chance that one or more of them will become adoptable while in the system, and DH and I will have the opportunity to adopt them. But it's not the goal of the system - the goal is to reunite families, not split them up.

Foster-to-Adopt is similar. These families are foster families, but they choose to only foster children who are going to be available for adoption. Generally these families only foster a few children (as many as they want to adopt). It is far less likely that a child would leave the home to return to live with their biological families.

Adoption is the most straight-forward. There are thousands of older children in the state of Texas (where I live) that are currently up for adoption. You do many of the same things for an older child adoption as you would for a newborn adoption - home study, interviews, etc. One big difference is that older child adoption through the state is very, very inexpensive. Especially when compared to the cost of a private agency domestic adoption. This is a link to the Texas Adoption Resource Exchange - which has a ton of information on older child adoption.
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/adoption_and_foster_care/about_adoption_and_foster_care/

ETA: I wanted to clarify that the three options I listed above are what you can do through the state. There is always the option of private adoption - either domestic or international. Just didn't want to confuse anyone.

[ginadc]

Aussie, I know the perception is that it can take "forever" to adopt an infant domestically, but IME it isn't nearly that bad. From "activation" (having finished our home study and profile and other paperwork, actively being presented to potential birthparents) to our daughter's birth and placement w/us was less than 9 months. Now, it wasn't an easy journey (you can read more about it earlier in this thread, but in short, we had two failed matches, which isn't all that unusual), but we are ecstatic with our DD.

I'd say that the majority of people I know of who are in the domestic adoption system have adopted in a year or less. I know one couple who have been waiting over a year but they have fairly unique circumstances; they are Mennonite and very obviously so, and while they are absolutely wonderful people, finding the right match is just going to take a little more time.

Things that can accelerate a match: being open to transracial adoption, particularly African-American babies; being willing (genuinely willing, not just saying it in order to "get a baby") to have an open adoption, and of course, your budget. DD's birthmom needed some housing expenses prior to DD's birth, which came up suddenly (the expenses, that is, not the birth). The couple she had initially been matched with had to back out, because though not all that much, they were "at-risk" expenses--if she backed out, they'd lose the money. Losing that amount would have made the difference between their being able to try to adopt again if this match fell through, or not; so they had to back out. That's when the agency contacted us; we had just signed up with them after a bad experience with a big national agency.

If you're at all interested in exploring domestic adoption, I'd highly recommend our agency, A Child's Waiting in Ohio. (You don't have to live in Ohio to use them; we're in NJ and DD's bmom is in GA.)

[ginadc]

Dropping off a couple of new pictures of Miss A:

http://static.flickr.com/62/166452006_c8bd0c652a.jpg?v=0

http://static.flickr.com/49/166451926_f105da5ecf.jpg?v=0

Enjoying her favorite book, "Dinosaur's Binkit":

http://static.flickr.com/60/166451960_7789b46f31.jpg?v=0

[suzubeane]

She's a beauty, Gina! You think she's going to get to keep those blue eyes? (My son surprised us all by keeping his; you have to go pretty far back on both sides to find any. I kept expecting them to change, but no!)

Karla, how's the summer going with little girl? You finding stuff to do?

[Bella213]

Gina- She is just too cute! She is getting so big! Love her eyes! So how are you? How motherhood? How is she sleeping at night? What is he weight & length now? Lauren is almost sleeping through the night now. I put her to sleep at around 7:30 pm and she wakes up around 4:00 am. Not bad. Finally....LOL She is 17 3/4 lbs now and she is 27 inches long. She doesn't seem to be interested in her formula as much since we started solids. She is eating cheese, little bits of chicken & beef and all veggies that I steam for her. She has yet to make a tooth! She is all gums..lol

Anyway, look forward to see some more pictures.

Bella

[ginadc]

Thanks, suzu and Bella! I'm starting to think she will keep the blue eyes...her birthmom's eyes are blue, and I believe birthdad's eyes were as well.

She's getting SO big, it's hard to believe! I spent a good hour last night sorting through the clothes she'd grown out of and packing them in a big plastic bin for baby #2, should it be a girl. She's now 13 pounds, 8 ounces and 24 inches long. I can't believe it...what happened to my teeny-tiny little muffin?

She was sleeping through the night pretty well...basically, from 10 pm to 6:30 am or so. Then she started with the rolling over, and with that, she started waking up in the middle of the night again, at about 2 am. :: sigh :: Fortunately, DH does all the middle of the night feedings--he's jealous that I get to spend all day with her, so 2 am is daddy-daughter time. He said he was even a little sad during the time when she was sleeping straight through. Masochist!

[Bella213]

I finally uploaded some new pictures of Lauren off the digital camera. Here is what she looks like at 7 months. This was her first time in the pool I got her. She is like a fish in water.

http://i37.photobucket.com/albums/e54/Bella213213/L1010775.jpg

[diam124]

I've been following this thread because my sister hasn't been able to conceive naturally and they do not want to pursue IVF or other methods. Anyway, they decided a few weeks ago to go ahead and start the adoption process and just hired an agency this week. They are so excited! They are planning to adopt from Guatemala and the agency they're working with has pretty short wait times, so they've been told from the beginning of the process it is usually 6-9 months until they receive their child. I'm really happy for them - she seems relieved that the pressure of TTC is gone. It's crazy to think they could possibly have a child in 6 months!

[jenjunum]

Aussie & others-

My family is currently going through the process of adopting an older child (she's 9 now). My parents are actually doing the adopting not me but since she'll be my sister's I've obviously been involved and will be a big part of her life. FYI- I'm 25 (the oldest) and my youngest sibling just turned 17 (he's the only one still at home). So there is quite an age difference. My mom is still relatively young (50) but my dad is a little older (54) initially he was concerned about adopting since he's nearing retirement. He of course came around after growing attached to Anna.

How it worked in our case was that Anna (she's white and we're white by the way) was being fostered with a friend of the family (who fosters several kids, old and young). My mom met Anna and was immediately drawn to her. Anna began hanging out with my mom and their relationship grew from there. That was about a year and a half or so ago now I think. My parents devided that they'd like to foster Anna with the intention to adopt. They had a few holdups along the way, they had to wait for her mom to give up her parental rights, a potential father came forward (who happened to be in jail), etc. My parents officially became her foster parents around Christmastime. Once that happened they had to go through a 6 month waiting period before the adoption could be finalized. Then it took some time to get the official adoption scheduled- I guess the court only does these on Wednesdays. So (hopefully) the final adoption will go through on August 23rd. I'm flying up for it. We're all glad that it's finally happening.

Anna has had a rough life. Her biological mother was involved with drugs which is why Anna was taken away from her. Anna actually has two other brothers, one older, one younger. She keeps in limited contact with her older brother. She'd like to keep in more contact but he isn't too interested (he's an 11 year old boy so sisters are gross and annoying to him). He also lives about 4 hours away now. I'm not sure where the younger brother is. The "system" was trying to place the siblings separately. I guess there were some problems with physical abuse from the older brother towards Anna.

The sad part about the mother issue is that her mom only needed to agree to go to parenting classes and she could have had her kids back; but she wouldn't. It's really hard for Anna that her mom doesn't want her. She has a picture of her mom in her room that she often turns over after court things or visits with her mom (which aren't happening any more I don't think). I think this the hardest part- feeling unwanted. And I think she's old enough to know what that means.

Related to this she also attaches to people really quickly. The first time I met her on a visit to my parents house she immediately became really attached. To me and especially to my husband (not sure why this is? a brother figure? a father figure?). She also called my mom "mom" right away. My dad took a little longer but by the time I met her she was already calling him "dad".

She does have some behavioral problems. It's hard to know if that's due directly to her hectic upbringing or if that's just her temperment. She actually acts a lot like one of my sisters so this may just be how she is. One things that probably is due to her situation is bedwetting. She occasionally wets the bed and occasionally wets her pants at school (this is much more infrequent than wetting the bed at night). She's really ashamed of this and tries to hide it. I'm not sure how common bedwetting is in general. I know she's also gotten in trouble at school for teasing another girl who wet her pants so maybe it isn't that uncommon.

Part of the adoption includes her going to a psychologist twice a month. I hope that this helps her cope with her abandonment issues.

The weirdest part for me (as a sibling) was her calling my parents mom and dad. I really had to train myself not to say "my mom" and "my dad" when talking to her and just "mom" and "dad". Other than that I think she's integrated into our family well. She's very outgoing and friendly so I think this helps. It's fun to have a little kid in the family again. My brother (who lives at home) is pretty jealous of the attention she gets though. They often fight, but this seems like normal sibling stuff to me. Nothing unusual.

Anyway, that was long. I'm just excited that it's finally going to be official. It seems like it's been delayed forever.

BTW, we're in CA. I don't think my parents really had to pay anything to adopt her. I'll have to ask though. I don't think they even needed a lawyer. I can ask them any questions if people are curious about adopting older kids. I know there are a lot of kids in need of being adopted. I think one of the biggest hassles was that Anna wasn't on my parent's insurance while she was a foster. So my mom had to go through government insurance (Medical?) for all her medical needs (like the dentist, she had to have a wart removed, etc).

That's everything that immediately comes to mind.

Jennifer

[jenjunum]

I forgot my initial reason for coming here.

I want to get a gift for my sister's adoption. I was thinking about an engraved ID bracelet or something similar with her name and the date of her adoption. Is that weird? Any other ideas? I may post a separate thread in chit chat but I thought you guys might have some direct experience.

Thanks,
Jennifer

[Happy1]

Hi there. I'm here because my DH and I are currently talking about our options for adoption. Right now we're looking for reputable websites for licensed adoption agencies. We would prefer to adopt within the U.S. but are not against adopting outside of the U.S. Is there a list somewhere here in this thread of all the adoption agencies out there?

We have contacted our Catholic church and were told that they only do open adoption which is something we aren't interested in.

Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks,

Nikki :D

[Goodies]

My co-worker used http://adoptionnetwork.com/ and they had a wonderful experience. They adopted an a little boy almost 2 years ago.

Also this website has great info on all types of adoption and it had an agency directory listed by state.
http://www.theadoptionguide.com/

[Happy1]

Thank you so much!!

Nikki :D

[Bella213]

If you are going to adopted in the US and decide to use a private attorney or an agency, we found that www.parentprofiles.com was a great resource. We got many birthmothers calling us after 1 week of posting our website.

Good Luck!
Bella

[Sevilla]

Hi, I have a question and could use some advice.

Some close friends of mine have been trying to adopt for several years now. They were selected by a birth mom earlier this month, went with her to appointments for the last few weeks of her pregnancy, were at the birth of the baby, and took the baby home from the hospital. Then two days after the baby was born the birth mother changed her mind and the adoption agency came to their home and took the baby back.

I am heartbroken for my friends, I cannot imagine what they are going through. What can I do to show my support for them?

[ginadc]

Happy1, when you say you aren't interested in open adoption, do you mean no visits--or do you mean totally closed, as in no letters/photos/information shared either via intermediary (the agency, etc.) or directly? Because there are degrees of "openness"--open generally tends to mean visits, semi-open is a range of contact but usually doesn't include visits, and then there's closed.

If you're willing to consider semi-open, I think it'll be a much shorter wait. The one agency we were with (which we left for a bunch of reasons, this having nothing to do with it) won't even work with couples who want a closed adoption because, although it does happen that they get potential birthparents who want that, it's only about 5% of situations and that means people will be waiting years if they insist on fully closed.

I can highly recommend our agency, A Child's Waiting, in Ohio. (We're not in Ohio and neither is Annika's birthmom; there's no need to be in the same state.) You can check out their Web site, . I just can't say enough good things about them. They have been wonderful to work with and very supportive of both us and Annika's birthmom.

Sevilla, I'm so sorry for what your friend is going through. We went through two failed adoptions, one that came very close and we traveled for, but never actually held the baby in our arms. I cannot imagine the sense of loss after falling in love with the child and holding them for two days and thinking you're this child's parents, only to have it all snatched away. I don't really have any wise words as to how to be supportive. In our case, I kind of didn't even want people to talk about it much--I called a friend who knows most of our other friends and asked her to spread the word so we didn't have to go over it and over it with everyone. But others may feel differently, so I hesitate to speak for your friend. Probably the best thing to do is just call and tell her how much you feel for her, and ask her what she needs from you: to talk about it, not to talk about it, to be alone, to be with people.

[diam124]

Hi Everyone, I am posting because my sister and BIL got the wonderful news that they have been matched with a baby boy! :) We are all so thrilled and excited. We've seen photos and he is absolutely adorable. It's probably going to take about 5 months for the paperwork to go through (international adoption) and he is 7 months old now.

Anyway, I really want to give my sister something to commemorate the day they found out about their son. Does anyone have any gift ideas?

[StudentNurse24]

Hi:)

We have a beautiful little boy that we had almost 6 years ago...he is getting sooo big! Chad & I have been together for almost 8 years.

We always knew we would adopt after we had a child. We are planning on on moving to Texas in the next year after I finsih nursing school(its going ot be a busy year:eek: ) We are planning on going through a agency called Arrow Project which is a non profit agency that contracts through the state of Texas(the state contracts out to non profit agencys there)

We are looking for a little girl under the age of 5. We would perfer under 3. Race is NOT important & if a little boy came along that was the perfect match we wouldnt pass him up:)

I am really looking forward to the journay of adoption. I have known since I was younger I would adopt & I cant wait for the ride it will be!

[alo]

Hi. I just wanted to come in and say hello and introduce myself. Hopefully there will be more people posting. My husband and I are just starting the adoption process. After all of our infertility treatments, we're not exactly in a position to be able to afford an agency adoption. So while we're saving up money to maybe do that in the future, right now we are pursuing the foster-to-adoption program that our county Social Services runs. We are just finishing up "Phase I" which includes our physicals and financial analysis and all that. And then we start the home inspection, and after that, hopefully we'll be approved and we can go on to the EIGHT weeks of training they require. Fun, huh? Anyway, that's where we are, just at the start of all this. Hope there will be others going through it to share the experience.

Name Alo
Married October 2001
Age 31
Reason for Adopting I have a balanced translocation (genetic issue), and have not been able to carry a pregnancy through to term. After years of fertility treatments, we have decided to try adoption.

[Jess71903]

This thread has been quiet lately, but I have a question for you ladies.
At what point did you decide to persue adoption and how did you and your DH reach that decision? I am not asking when did you decide you wanted to adopt, but rather, how did you know when it was the exact right time or what event happened that made you actually start the process?

Here's where I am. I have always wanted to adopt, generally, but when the time came to start thinking about starting a family, I knew we would TTC first. I would have contacted a lawyer we know about after less than 6 months TTC. DH, on the other hand, acts like he may never want to adopt and it makes me feel like I will be in this endless IF testing and treatment forever, because to him, having a bio child is of the utmost importance. My goal is just to be a mom, however that happens. I know adopting is by no means the easy way out. I am just ready be a mom. Anyway, I hope all of you are doing well, and I would love to read some updates, if you guys have any!

[Happy1]

Jess I can answer what happened in our situation. We had always been talking about adoption (it actually was a conversation on our first date) but wanted to TTC naturally first. When we were having troubles doing that (very long story) we knew we had to at least pursue a very simple medical procedure to see if that would work. We agreed that if we had 2 more miscarriages and/or we reached the end of our tries for the medical procedure we were doing, we would take that as a "divine sign" and take the adoption route. 2006 brought us lots of hope and lots of sorrow. After our 2nd miscarriage (October of 2006) we had no doubt in our minds whatsoever as to what was next. It was time to start the adoption process. So we contacted 2 local adoption agencies that have very good reputations for some information, we'll be contacting an adoption lawyer in the very near future and we've submitted an application to one of the agencies we decided sounded better for us than the other one.

I think you and your DH need to have a really good discussion about where your limits are both financially and emotionally in this process. I also highly suggest you both sitting down and talking with people who have done adoption (this thread is a good start but it also helps to see and hear in person. Especially for men who seem to be able to understand things better when they see it first hand). I know that just in our research and experience thus far there have been things we've both learned in positives and negatives that are great things to know to fully realize what adopting is all about. And we have much more to learn yet, I'm sure.

Hope this helps a little. Good luck!!

Nikki :D

[Jess71903]

Thank you for your reply, Happy. If we get to a stopping point with treatments (by his definition I guess), there is a couple we go to church with that adopted a baby girl in Oct. At this point, I don't think DH would even be willing to talk to them about it, though. Right now, he just wants to see what happens with fertility treatments and doesn't want to talk about adopting. I, on the other hand, want to talk about it all the time and have for a long time. This is one of the only things in our marriage that DH and I are on totally oposite ends of the spectrum from each other. My emotional tolerance level for all of this stuff is way lower than his, but I will plod on until we can agree. I sure wouldn't want him to feel pressured into something this important.

[Niko&Troi]

Hello all.

I wanted to post here because we are considering adoption. A brief history about us, we've been together 11 years this coming Feb. We've had 3 mc's. Nikolas was conceived while we were in the process of working with an RE. Troi was a complete surprise. We never thought we'd get pg again, and w/o any help so Troi was a shock.

When we first got together we always said we wanted 2 children but we also thought we'd have a boy and a girl. Well we found out that what we want and what we get are 2 different things. So now we're discussing adopting a little girl.

Brian wants a 2 year old but I want a newborn. He wants a child that is ready to learn and he wants to skip the whole teething, sleepless nights, drooling phase. I on the other hand want a baby that we can raise as mommy and daddy right from the start.

One good point that he makes is that if we adopt an older child we can almost be sure the parents won't change their mind. So I'm thinking of a comprimise and adopting a one year old.

Brian is black, I'm white so we'd want a bi-racial baby. We're just not sure of domestic or international adoption.

We are not worried about cost because my FIL has expressed many times that he wants a granddaughter so we know he'd be willing to help us financially. Plus Brian's job will reimburse us for part of the cost.

I'm thinking of starting the process when Troi is about 1 1/2 years old. We'd hopefully have a baby w/in 6 months, so the kids would be 4, 2 & 1.

So how does this sound to all of you? Does this seem like a resonable plan and realistic? What are your thoughts on a one year old vs either a 2 year old or newborn? Any input would be greatly appreciated.

[Happy1]

Hi Niki&Troi. Your questions are very good ones and the answers will definitely vary by personal choice. I can give you my perspective.

My DH and I aren't able to conceive a healthy child so we're at the point, after discussing it, where we would be happy getting any child from the age of 3 or under. Would we love an infant? Of course but we want to be parents so badly that right now we would be happy with a toddler. The reason we put the age limit of 3 on there is because it'll be easier for us to work with and try to combat any raw, emotional baggage that typically comes with an adoptive child who isn't an infant since most of them aren't coming from great backgrounds. Just as a warning, the more restrictions you put on the exact age, sex and racial background of the child you wish the longer it may take. Again, it's not an "always" thing. Just something to think about.

As for how long the process will take it will definitely vary on which type of adoption you choose and how fate works for you. Domestic typically takes longer (although there have been cases where it's gone very quickly). We were warned by the adoption agency and a few people we talked with that worst case scenario it could take up to 2 years to be placed with a child. However we have heard of a few cases where it took mere months.

If you contact an adoption agency, most will send you out information for free that is very helpful. We contacted Bethany Christian Services and Adoption Services and, after we requested information on both Domestic and International Adoption, we received packets that pretty much explained everything. It was extremely helpful in choosing which route we wished to go. Neither is right or wrong. Just what works best for your situation.

Best of luck to you and I really hope you can get that sweet little girl you're hoping for. :)

Nikki :D

[Niko&Troi]

Nikki Thanks for getting back to me :D I was bmlm224 on WC, we you there on the support after a mc thread?

I too think a 2 year old or even older would have that emotional baggage. Brian said we could deal with that, which we could, however we have 2 other children that we need to think about. How will it be for them and what if we get a child that has destructive tendancies or lashes out with physical violence? That is why I was thinking a one year old so they wouldn't really have any memories or that baggage. I know that sounds horrible but I have my boys to think about with this too.

We are just in the discussion process right now but wanted to join here so when the time comes we have as much info as possible.

[karlatta]

Hi, Lorraine! I'm currently a foster parent, but I've done a lot of looking into adoptions of all kinds.

If you are really wanting to adopt a girl, I'd say that your best bet would be to adopt an older child. Domestically, a lot of birth parents choose the adoptive parents for their child before the sex is known. So you would probably have a long wait for a newborn girl - even though you are wanting to adopt a biracial baby. Internationally, babies aren't available for adoption as newborns - they're older.

Have you thought about looking into adoptions through the state? There are a lot of young children looking for homes, especially children who are biracial or black. And I know that in Texas, if you adopt a child over the age of two of a minority race from the state, they automatically qualify for a lot of social services and their college tuition to any in-state public school is automatically paid. It shouldn't be the reason you adopt, but I would at least look into programs like that to see what's available for your family.

I think that with any child, you run the risk of emotional baggage. I know that my 8 month old foster son will have problems adjusting if he's ever moved from my home. Even if it happens at a young age. Fortunately, it's easier to deal with at a younger age and the child likely won't remember anything that they've gone through prior to living in your home.

[Footyprints]

Hi! I thought I'd subscribe here. My husband and I are planning on looking into adoption some time in the next few years. We recently found out we are unable to have any more biological children due to complications following my c/s with our son. We are considering international adoption but haven't made any set decisions yet.

[pocket]

Internationally, babies aren't available for adoption as newborns - they're older.

If you do an international agency adoption, this is generally true except for Guatemala. If you do an international private adoption (as Madonna and the Jolie Pitts did) than any age child, even newborn could be available. I know many children who were adopted internationally as infants.

[karlatta]

If you do an international agency adoption, this is generally true except for Guatemala. If you do an international private adoption (as Madonna and the Jolie Pitts did) than any age child, even newborn could be available. I know many children who were adopted internationally as infants.
That's good to know then. I had no idea. I've never looked into an international private adoption. I pretty much had to rule out adoption from anywhere other than foster care because of lack of funds.

Interestingly, the family that I know that adopted from Guatemala couldn't get a child younger than two. Perhaps it was just their agency?

[pocket]

Or maybe things are different by now in Guatemala. It changes constantly, but Guate is known for the availability of infants. In an international private adoption the hardest part is identifying the child, and dealing with the lack of structure. there are so many unknowns and no way to mitigate those risks.

My mom is going to Pakistan in the next few weeks to see about some babies there. I'll give regular reports as she gives them to me and we can all follow along in the progress. I'll try to also give reports on cost as she makes the arrangements.

the adopting couple are white, jewish, married, 40ish, live in DC, and have their home study completed. they are adopting for reasons of infertility.

[bookworm]

My cousin from Guatemala came to our family when he was just under 6 months old. So not a newborn, but not a two year old, either. But he came to us...wow, almost 6 years ago...so things certainly may have changed.

[CityLover]

My cousin from Guatemala came to our family when he was just under 6 months old. So not a newborn, but not a two year old, either. But he came to us...wow, almost 6 years ago...so things certainly may have changed.

This is still the case. There are many infants available in Guatemala. But I'm sure things do differ from agency to agency. One World Adoptions (http://www.oneworldadoptions.org/) is the one I am familiar with.

[LeighW]

My DH and I are in the middle of an international adoption for #2, and I did a lot of research before choosing the county (S. Korea for us). We are currently waiting on a referral, so I did all the research on choosing a country and an agency last summer.

I want to comment on Guatemala. Although young infants have been available in the Guatemala program, there is a lot going on right now with the new Hague Convention treaty. Guatemala is not ratifying it, which will put a huge damper on adoptions by U.S. citizens. My agency is not even allowing people to consider the Guatemala program right now.

I *think* you can adopt a fairly young infant from India, but at least one of the adoptive parents must be Indian. Otherwise, I do not know of any international programs through which newborns are available (using an agency, not a private adoption).

The State Department has a lot of information on its website:

http://travel.state.gov/family/adoption/info/info_458.html

You can look at different countries, requirements for adoptive parents, etc.

We chose S. Korea because of the combination of great prenatal/infant healthcare, foster care system (newborns are placed in foster care, not orphanages), and age of baby at the time of referral/match-up (young, by international standards).

[melissafromnc]

I'm a lurker on this thread but have lots of friends who are or have adopted.

Vietnam and Korea refer relatively young babies. Korea's program is changing though and if you're just starting the paperchase there will be a 6 month delay (babies won't be referred until they're six months old which means they'll likely be a year or so before you can bring them home). A friend's referral just came a couple of weeks ago. Her son is now 10 weeks and she'll be able to travel in April or May to bring him home.

Other friends were referred twin girls (identical!) in Vietnam and just brought them home a couple of weeks ago. I think they're about six months old now.

LeighW: any idea on when you might get a referral? I don't remember which agency you ended up with but I know Holt pushed through a ton before the changes (I like 40 or so at once, as opposed to 3-5).

[LeighW]

Hi Melissa! Nice to see you over here. :)

My agency is saying referrals will happen at 5 months (baby's age) and travel approval 4 months later, so we're still hoping to bring home a 9 month old. (Fingers triple crossed.)

Our immigration form (I-171H) took a long time, and so our dossier didn't go until the first week in January. :rolleyes:

My agency (Barker Foundation) is saying we have a slight chance of getting a 2006 baby (Nov. or Dec. birth), which means a Feb. or March referral (under the old rules). Otherwise, we're looking at a June referral of a January baby (under the new rules). That's the earliest. It could be later, of course.

Hurry up and wait . . . .

[alo]

Just wanted to post an update on how things are going with us. We're still going through the foster care training. Two more weeks, and it'll be over! We have a couple more hoops to jump through for the homestudies, and the social worker has to do interviews with our 3 references, but after that we should be finished. So I think it'll be less than a month til we're licensed foster parents!

What happens after that is anyone's guess. We would of course hope to foster-adopt a newborn, but we'll have to see how things go. Most newborns in the foster system are adopted by relatives, so we're taking a chance here. And many foster parents foster for years before they have a child in their care that they can adopt. But hopefully it'll work out for the best for us.

So no real news except that we're still progressing.

[diam124]

I posted a few pages back about my sister and BIL so I thought I'd give a little mini-update. They are adopting a baby boy from Guatemala. He is going to be 1 in March and likely won't be home until April. He is actual older than most other babies their agency is working with because his birthmom tried to make it work with him until he was a few months old. So, my sister was told that other couples had turned him down because he was not a newborn when he became available.

Hopefully he will be home in April or May. They visited him for the first time last month and had an incredible visit. He is a very special little boy and absolutely perfect for them!

[LeighW]

Congrats on being almost finished Alo. :) You never know what might happen.

Diam124, congrats to your sister and BIL. How cool they got to visit their baby already. :)


No new for us, still waiting and waiting . . . .

[Lisa]

Well, were not adopting yet but we finally got our foster care license finalize the other day and have a little 2 year old boy. He is so sweet and Ethan and him get along great. They ask us if we were willing to adopt him later on b/c his family in not involved. We really are enjoying it!

[karlatta]

I saw a couple of new (or almost new) foster parents in here, so I thought I'd stop in.

Lisa - Congrats on the new placement! I'm glad to hear that he's getting along so well with Ethan. Oh, and a word of caution - when our first placement was brought to us, they said that she had no family involvement and asked if we would be interested in adopting her. We got all excited and two days later a judge removed her from our home and put her in another foster home, where she has since been adopted. It's hard not to get your hopes up, but it's hard to be let down too.

Update on us - We're still doing well with our placement. D is now 9 years old and is quite a handful. I'm confident that it will be a LONG time before we agree to accept a child that old again, especially now that I'm pregnant. She's sweet and well-behaved most of the time. But when she's having a bad day, it's a BAD day. We do know that she'll be leaving us within the next 4 months, probably to be adopted by a member of her family.

Baby M is 8 months old already. We are first in line to adopt him - he has no family that can pass the homestudy required to adopt him. I try not to get too excited, because I know that anything could still happen, and we still have at least 3 months to wait until the mom's rights are terminated, but it's hard not to look at his little face and just want him to be in your life forever. Plus, we've had him since birth, so it's hard to imagine him living anywhere else.

[alo]

It's good to hear a happy foster care story!

We had a foster mom come in the other night, and she reported that she's been given 8 (babies) placements in the last year, and none of them have stayed over 2 months! I was sure it was going to be easier than that, but apparently my county is very "good" at returning the child to it's birthfamily. Yikes. Very depressing.

So it's good to see that there are happy stories.

[honeygirl]

Ladies, I just wanted to let you know that it looks like they'll be talking about Chinese adoptions (new rules) on conceive onair today. 11am Pacific time:
http://www.modavox.com/VoiceAmericaHealth/

The Rules of Chinese Adoption

Recently the Chinese government announced that it was implementing a new eligibility rules for foreigners who wish to adopt Chinese children. Host Kim Hahn talks to Dawn Davenport, author of The Complete Book of International Adoption, about what these new rules are, and how they will affect American families who are hoping to adopt from China.

If you miss the live show you can still download past shows. This show has conception, pregnancy and adoption related information (different topics each wednesday).

[pocket]

Just wanted to update about the adoption my mom is brokering. The original couple she was helping.....got pregnant unexpectedly. Yeah, I know. Mom had found two babies for them, a girl and a boy. The girl is 4 mos old, and her teenaged mother died in childbirth. her father is a 40 yr old cabdriver who makes $6/day and will surely want to remarry. She's been cared for by her loving auntie (dad's SIL), but auntie has two other kids and they all (dad, baby girl, uncle, auntie and two cousins) live in two unheated rooms in an urban slum. She will be adopted by a couple who live on the East Coast. They are thrilled and are moving ahead quickly. As of now the baby has been moved from the family home to a hospice (not the dying kind of hospice) to be cared for. The father is eager to sign a decree of abandonment for reasons of poverty so that should happen pretty soon. The boy is an orphan - his mother died in childbirth and the father died 3 mos later. He is being cared for by an elderly grandfather. We're not sure what will happen with him, just yet, but something will turn up. I'll keep you posted.

It's a very different kind of adoption, isn't it? I'm fascinated!

[alo]

I just wanted to update. We finally are officially licensed foster parents!

And on the same day we got licensed, we had a 10-week-old infant placed with us. We're completely in love with him, and had been told by the social worker that we were to be his "forever family".

However, we've met the birthmother, and she wants him back. So it looks like we're just fostering him for a few more weeks and he'll leave us.

This is harder than I ever imagined. Especially because the family he's going back to is not the best. My poor sweet little baby boy is going to have a hard life. It's hard to take.

[karlatta]

alo - While I'm not experiencing your pain, I can imagine it. Our first foster daughter was placed with us at one week old. We were told that we would be her forever family. Two days later, they called to tell us that she was leaving. We were able to keep her for one more night, and I still can't even think about that last night we had with her without falling apart. Now, we're waiting on a ruling on our current foster son, who was placed with us at 5 days old and we've been caring for for the last 10 months. My heart aches to think about what may happen with him.

My thoughts are with you. It is so, so hard to be foster parents.

[alo]

karlatta - Have you had times where you just didn't think you could do this? I'm at that point right now. We want to adopt, but can't afford a private agency adoption, and thought this was the right path for us. And while we have lots of love to offer and know that we would be good at this, I don't know how much heartbreak we can stand. To see children go back to the people who caused their issues in the first place - to see them leave us and know they're going to have a hard life, when they could have a happy safe life with us ... I just don't know if I can watch that happen.

And I am really upset with the lack of concern from the social workers. They really do just "do their job" and that's it. I guess they can't let themselves get involved or they would always be sad, but wow am I unimpressed.

[karlatta]

alo - Yes, today was actually one of those "I just can't do this" kind of days. I even called DH a couple of hours ago while he was at work and told him as much. I was just overwhelmed with the possibility that DS would ever leave us, frustrated with DD's behavior (she's 9 years old and DS's biological half-sister), and had too many pregnancy hormones going crazy.

I'm going to PM you some stuff, because I'm not comfy sharing very many details about our situation on a public message board.

[Happy1]

I have a question if you don't mind answering. We're currently with Bethany Christian Services and turned in our formal application, will be having the 2nd meeting with our social worker and are nearing the completion of the majority of initial paperwork. Recently though I thought of a question that I don't know the answer to:

For Domestic adoption, if a birthparent contacts you who lives in another state and wishes you to adopt their baby, do you go by the adoption law of the state you live in and have been dealing with the social worker or the state where the birthparent currently resides?

Thanks!!

Nikki :D

[karlatta]

Nikki - I'm only going on a friend's experience to answer your question, but I believe you go by the laws where the birthparent resides (or maybe it ends up being the laws where the baby is born, but that's typically where the birthparent resides). I had a friend here in TX adopt a baby born to a mother living in ID, and they had to go by the laws in ID.

[knoelani]

I think it's time for me to join here. I've been lurking and reading along since y'all started this thread and cheered and cried for all of you. Karlatta, Happy, and Alo I remember y'all from the old still at it threads. I wish you all the best on this new journey. DH and I are just starting the process. We had made the decision on international and then I found a domestic agency I want to talk to. The international coordinator I spoke with is steering us towards Ukraine instead of Russa, I'm not sure why. I haven't done enough research yet. I am hoping to talk with the coordinator of the domestic agency tomorrow. We hope to start the application process with a domestic agency in the next few weeks and get started on all the ppwk and homestudy soon. I look forward to sharing this journey with you.

Stats:
knoelani- 30
DH- 35
Reason for adopting: Two reasons actually, I'm adopted and have always planned on adopting. We tried to concieve for five years including treatment and it's not likely to happen without shelling out a whole lot more money and emotional resources that we just don't have anymore. Adoption, now, instead of latter is the path we're chosing and the one that we believe is the right one for us to be on.

[alo]

To keep everyone updated - we found out that our foster son will be returning to his birthmother on Friday. We love our little guy so much, and I am just heartbroken over this. We're hoping to be able to stay in touch with the birthmother, and maybe see him once in a while. But I doubt that will happen. We had our visit with the birthmom today, and she referred to us as the baby's mom and dad. Completely weirded me out, I didn't know what to say (why would she say that?!). This whole thing has been a rollercoaster.

karlatta - I got your PM, and I will respond to it. I have just been so focused on the baby and not wanting to spend much time on the computer. I have an LJ too - I'm aloitius over there.

knoelani - Hi! Good to see you again. It seems like the "Still At It" thread was forever ago. I'm sorry we're all still around.

I was just checking in to see how your first meeting with the domestic adoption agency went. I hope it was successful, and you were able to get your questions answered. I'd love to hear how it went, when you get the time!

[ginadc]

Hey Nikki--you probably already got your answer to the "which state applies" question, but just in case, and for anyone else who's curious, Karla's correct--the state in which the baby is born (which usually is the birthmother's home state) is the state whose laws apply as far as the adoption. There is a huge variation in these laws state by state, which can be really confusing. There's a chart here:

Consent by State (http://www.abcadoptions.com/consent1.htm)

All kinds of factors differ: how long after birth you must wait to obtain consent (in some states, women can sign consent immediately after birth; in others, they have to wait anywhere from 24 hours to several days before they can legally sign); how long after signing the consent to adoption becomes final (anywhere from immediately to something like 30 days, and in a couple of states, like SD, it's pretty vague); where and how consent must be given (in some states, it has to be in front of a judge; in others, it can be done just in front of an authorized social worker/agency representative); how paternal consent must be obtained; and so on.

So it's definitely the kind of thing where, when you're presented with a match, you really want to make sure the agency gives you all the information about what the laws are in the prospective birthmom's state before you go forward.

[alo]

maxandmolly - First let me say that I certainly didn't intend to implicate all social workers in my post. I was speaking specifically about the ones I have dealt with.

I've worked with 3 social workers so far, and each one has been more inept than the one before. Two have actually been pulled from my foster son's case because they haven't done their job. I'm sure it's just a bad situation here, but seeing as this is my only experience so far, I don't have much else to compare it to.

I would love to meet a social worker who completely turns my thoughts around. But so far I have really been upset by what I've seen. When I specifically asked about the lack of care, I was actually told that the social workers "have too much to do to worry about the specifics of each case". I was asking a direct question about the birthmom's previous kids that have all been removed from her care, and how that affects my foster son's case (I wanted to know why he was being reunited with her, when all of her other kids had been permanently removed), and was told that nobody at social services knew that her previous three kids were removed (BY SOCIAL SERVICES!). When I told them that it was IN the information that they gave me (i.e., they did know, they just didn't bother to read the case file), they gave me that quote - that they were too busy to get into "details" like that. Sorry, but I don't consider that a detail; I consider that a major piece of the puzzle.

So, yeah, I'm a bit upset with the system.

I am sure you are an amazing social worker, and that you do great work. I only wrote in here because I felt I could let off a little steam among friends.

[Happy1]

Thank you so much for your answers to my question. I did figure that but I wasn't positive. I just wanted to make sure Tim and I could prepare ourselves if we are contacted from an out of state birthparent and you guys have really helped out with some wonderful information. Thank you!!

knoelani Best of luck to you through the adoption process. I hope you have a very smooth and excellent experience. There's no doubt that any of us would make phenomenal parents to an adopted child but since you were adopted, you'll definitely be able to relate to some of the questions and feelings any child may have as they grow older.

alo I hope you haven't been scared off from this thread. I know there's really not a good thread over in LJ to vent to and I think this is the perfect spot for you to come and voice your feelings with the particular situation you're in right now. That's what this thread is here for. God knows that I would be doing the exact same thing in your situation.

Nikki :D

[karlatta]

I just wanted to pop in and say that we just got word that there will be a staffing on our foster kids this week. This is where they will decide when and where the children will make their permanent home.

We are trying to adopt DS, who we've had in our home since he was 5 days old (he's almost 11 months now), so I know you guys can understand how nervous and anxious I am. We should know within the next week or so how likely it is that he will remain with us. I am terrified that we will have to say good-bye. :(

[lml41981]

Karla, I've never been in your shoes, but I can only imagine how you feel. I'll pray for you!

[ginadc]

Oh wow, Karla, I can only imagine how nerve-wracking this must be for you! I'll be thinking of you and hoping your son will be part of your family forever.

[LeighW]

Oh Karla, I'll think good thoughts for you.

I can only imagine how terrifying it is.

[knoelani]

Thanks for the welcome ladies!

Karla~ I'm thinking of you, I'm sure your anxious. I hope the right decision is made and that you get to keep your little guy. Best of luck to you.

Nikki~ Gina already answered your question, but that's what the agency I talked to told me as well. You go buy the laws in the state where the child is born and from what I've seen every state is different! It's hard to try to keep track of.

Alo~ I'm so sorry that you've been having such a difficult time with the social workers assigned to you and that you've talked with. This is such an emotionally charge difficult situation for everyone envolved. I have friends who are social workers and they run the gammet of both extremes. Good luck to you and I hope it gets better.

Well we made one big decision last week, we're going to try to persue domestic infant adoption. It seems like the best decision for us at this time. I'm doing the research now to try to weed it down to five agencies and then we'll pick our favorite and sign up and send in the first check to get started. I talked with an agency in Utah and loved them. She was really open in spending time with me on the phone answering all of my questions. They're definately in our top 5. I just got an info packet from an agency in San Antonio, I'm going to try to talk to them today. We've already cut a couple that we got packets from due to size and cost. Hopefully we'll have picked an agency by the end of the month. DH has been on board but not as involved / excited as I have been. Well he had the ephithany yesterday that I've been patiently waiting for and told me last night to "go full board and do what we need to do". Even so much as making plans to clean out our spare room to get it ready and baby proofing! This was a big switch for him as he usually takes a very casual attitude and thinks I'm silly at times for buying things / planning things. :)

I hope everyone's doing well!

[alo]

Well, it's been a rollercoaster ride here today. We said our goodbyes to our foster son, and prepared him for leaving - only to get a call from Social Services saying that his family doesn't want him until next week now! WTF?! So we have him through Tuesday, and then he's supposed to go home. It's hard, to say goodbye, and then have him stay, only to know we're going to have to say goodbye in a few days. And we had made all sorts of plans (sans kids) for the weekend to keep our spirits up - and now we had to cancel all of those. So it's been a bit crazy.

karla - Thinking of you and hoping there's good news! You're on our minds all the time.

knoelani - I would love to know how you're choosing your agency. And I'd love to hear about which ones you like and which you don't. Congrats on making the decision to move forward!

[ginadc]

Hey knoelani, welcome to the exciting roller coaster ride of domestic adoption! If you'd like to talk agency specifics, I'd love to chat about that (I think we can talk about it here--several of the adoption-specific forums restrict agency talk to PMs, but I don't think that's a rule here--is it?).

Alo, I'm so sorry about the back-and-forth about when your foster son will be leaving. It has to be so hard to be saying goodbye, and then to be pulled this way and that as to when it will happen...that's just so unfair to you!

[Alioop12345]

Hi! I'd love to join! My DH and I have been TTC #2 for 2 years and I just cannot do it anymore. All the injections, poking, suppositories...everything...just too much... DH and I have decided to look into adoption but I don't know where to start. I look forward to learning from you ladies...

[knoelani]

Hi Alioop~ I'm learing as I go, it's definately interesting. Welcome!

Gina~ Thanks for the welcome. I don't know what the rules are here...I'll go ask. I followed along your journey and am happy it turned out so well. I'd love any insight you can give.

Alo~ What a rollercoaster you're on right now. We thought about fostering but I honestly don't think I'm strong enough to be in the situation you're in. Kudos to you and Karla for the job you're doing. Let me find out what I can post in here and then I'll post about my research.

[knoelani]

I checked with a mod and as long as I'm not promoting my company or website, we're ok talking specifics and mentioning names :)

Gina~ Which agency did you go with and why?

We're trying to narrow down which one we want to go with. It's such a huge emotional and financial commitment that I really want to do our due dillegence and feel good about the decision. We want an agency that's large enough and old enough to have a good history, but not one that's too large that we'll get lost in all the families they work with. We're also only willing to talk to agencies that promote less than and are willing to work with less than 100% openess. At first we were against any level of openess and that was one of the deciding factors with going the international route. Through soul searching and research, there's a level of openess that we are comfotable with but it's not full openess and contact and we need an agency that doesn't pressure us or make us feel bad about that. That's actually one of the biggest parts of the decision process in agency selection for us.

Alo~ The research process isn't easy, especially with my work life which has been going at about 150% warp speed lately! I spend some time on adoption.com which has a pretty comprehensive forum section. I've asked for recommendations and information. I also found a pretty neat site called my adoption agencies or somthing like that...I can pm you the link if you'd like. I've requested info packets from every agency I've come across that I didn't immediatly rule out just because I didn't like their website or we didn't match their requirements (some faith based ones work only with those families). When I get the info packet I go through it and decide if I want to call them for more info. So far we've ruled out a couple of agencies: Gladney, Lutheran Social Services, Marywood and a couple of others. Not because they're bad agencies but because we don't think they're right for us. When I talk with the agencies, I have a spreadsheet that has a list of questions on it that I go through to make notes, keep everything organized, and to try to avoid missing something. I can also send you the spreadsheet if you want, I got it passed on to me from someone else, so I'll gladly share the wealth. Right now the front runner is A Act of Love in Utah. I've talked with them twice and really liked them. I just got the info packet from Adoption Alliance in San Antonio, I'm going to try to call them tomorrow. So long story, long...that's how I'm going about with my research.

Karla~ I'm thinking of you, hoping you got good news this week.

Happy Easter everyone.

[j*east]

I'm just lurking for now, but thinking about adoption...thank you all for sharing your thoughts and experiences.

[alo]

knoelani - thanks so much for the information. We did the general adoption agency search before we decided to go through the foster system, and it was so overwhelming and frustrating. There just seems to be so many agencies. And then we had to figure out what state we wanted to adopt from. Do you know anything about the different rules in different states (about how long the parents have to terminate their parental rights after birth)? We don't want to adopt from our home state, because the birthparents have 30 days after birth to say they want the child back (nerve-wracking much?!). So then we were trying to figure out which agencies worked with which states, etc. And what we had to go through to adopt from other states, etc. And then we found out that certain adoption agencies only work with couples from specific states. So we got pretty frustrated. And just gave up. It's good to hear that you feel you are making progress. I would love to hear more about the ones you are interested in. Have you looked into Bethany Christian or Angel Adoption at all (these are national agencies)? I just got a few names of ones in VA that someone said might be worth checking out. I don't know whether I should go with an agency that works in one state, or one that works on a national basis. And did you look into going with an adoption lawyer at all? Or doing your own advertising and working with an adoption facilitator?

Can you tell I'm overwhelmed?!

Please do PM me the spreadsheet and the link, that would be helpful!

Also, if you want to chat over email, my email address is aloitius@aol.com

For all those dealing with facing the adoption process - How are you and your husband coping with all of this? I know my hubby and I have already spent so much time and money and emotional output on fertility treatments that I don't know how much we have left (especially money!) to get us through this next phase.

[knoelani]

Alo~ I'll email you the spreadsheet and the link tonight. Trying to weed through the agencies and select the right one for us is very overwhelming and frustrating. It's such a committment that I want to make sure we're going with the best one for us, but I guess there's no real guarantee, is there? Every state has different laws, every agency has different requirements, every situation is different! 30 days is a really long relinquishment time frame, but I had heard it existed. Texas is 48 hours (I think) and the coordinater at the Utah agency told me Utah was only 24 hours. We're mainly looking at agencies in three states, that work throughout most of the nation. I haven't looked into Bethany yet, but I did request an info packet from Angel Adoptions last night. We're trying to go with a full service agency / package and not hire our own lawyer or facilitator. We're hoping to find an agency that does all the advertising, counseling, matching...so on.

As for coping and dealing with the decision, that's a hard one. I had always wanted to adopt as I am adopted myself. I've always felt very fortunate and hoped that I would be able to provide that same life and chance for a life that I was given to someone else who needed a home. I just never dreamed that it would probably be our only option for growing our family. Like you, we went through years of fertility treatments and heartbreak before we were ready to take this step. I had to grieve the loss of pregnancy, dna, and failure / guilt I felt for not being able to give dh a child and all the emotions that come with that. DH had to come to terms with the concept as a whole because he never had the desire to adopt before he met me. We've talked about adoption for years, but in a very abstract way. When it came time to be serious about it, it took him months to be at the point where he is now...excited and looking forward to being a dad. We're still struggling with the financial aspect and we still grieve in a way for what could have been, a part of us probably always will, but when it came time to spend more on fertility treatments for a very slim chance and more emotional costs, it just didn't add up anymore and adoption seemed a more realistic option when I tallied the money we spent on treatments just in 2006! So I guess what I'm trying to say is that it's not an easy decision, and for us it's not something that happened overnight. It's taken months, even years, to be at the point where we are now, scared as hell but ready to jump in and we'll figure it out as we go along.

Sorry for my novel, it just came pouring out on the keyboard.

[karlatta]

knoelani - I had good feelings about A Act of Love when I was looking into agencies too.

Just wanted to stop by and say that there's still no word on DS. I don't know how much longer I can take the wait!

[ginadc]

We had quite an agency saga. We first worked with American Adoptions, which is a huge national agency, on the thesis that the more adoption "traffic," the better--basically, we thought we'd get a baby faster with a big agency. And I think probably a lot of people do actually get their babies home very quickly with AA. We had two failed matches with them, one failed in August of '05 (only 3 weeks after the match), and the other in late November of '05 (the mother decided to parent after giving birth). That alone wouldn't have been why we decided to go with another agency--we knew that failed matches happen with any agency, though you always hope they won't happen to you.

Anyway, I won't go into the saga of all the reasons we decided to leave AA (and the further things we heard about them afterward that confirmed our decision), but suffice it to say, they seem to be a very "assembly line" agency that tries to process as many adoptions as possible rather than treating each situation individually.

So, after that, we were miserable...it was almost the holidays, we had thought we'd be new parents at Christmas, and instead we were back at square one--not even with an agency. We decided to find ourselves an adoption attorney we could trust, whether or not we picked another agency, we felt we needed someone who was totally on our side and who was paid to work to protect us. We found a great local adoption attorney here in NJ, and let me tell you, she talked me down from so many sketchy facilitators and other "get a baby quick" situations, it was really wonderful.

I had heard online about an agency called A Child's Waiting, in Ohio, and seen a lot of positive comments about them, so I finally mentioned them to Debbie, our attorney. She said, "Oh, they're wonderful!" and was kicking herself for not having thought to mention them to us. She had done some consulting work for them before. Anyway, so her endorsement, combined with the other positive reports we'd read about them, and the fact that we had a really good feeling when we talked to them, convinced us to sign up with them. The other thing we liked about ACW: although you pay an initial fee (ours ended up around $1500) to get started with them, it's much smaller than with many other agencies (the AA activation fee was more than $5K, and that was nonrefundable, so we just said goodbye to that money). Then, you don't pay anything else to them until you actually have your baby in your arms...we paid our agency fee around the same time our DD's birthmom signed her consents.

ACW is also good, IMO, in that they're big enough but not too big. They do about 100 adoptions a year, which means that there is enough going on that you're not likely to sit on a waiting list for ages; but AA, on the other hand, does about 300 a year, or more, and to me that may just be too much to allow for personal attention.

On the coping and dealing question--that was a lot harder for my DH, too, than it was for me. When we were told I had cancer, we were about to start TTCing...so much for that. The doctors offered the possibility of a reproductive consult with one of the top experts in NY and freezing my eggs, but frankly, I was about to undergo all kinds of tests and treatments and crap and I just didn't want anything more. So I said no. It was hard for DH because he really, really envisioned being a father to a child that "came from him," you know? And to adjust to not ever having that, not even once...well, it just took time. There was nothing you could say or do to change the feelings...he just had to work through them. Of course, now that we have Annika, he can't imagine how he could ever love a biological child any more than he loves her!


Oh--Karla--I am still crossing fingers, toes, and all available body parts that you find out good news soon!!!!!

[Alioop12345]

For all those dealing with facing the adoption process - How are you and your husband coping with all of this? I know my hubby and I have already spent so much time and money and emotional output on fertility treatments that I don't know how much we have left (especially money!) to get us through this next phase.

I am also worried about this... not so much from a financial aspect (in-laws offered to help) but more so form an emotional one. I JUST finished two years of fertility treatments (waiting for AF from this last cycle) and I think I need to catch my breath. I ache for another child... this is just so hard

[melissafromnc]

I think I'm finally ready to join this thread. I've been following it for years and watched my old friend bella adopt and have been cheering leighw and many of you on for a long time.

My dh and I are currently pursuing domestic adoption. We were on the ART train for more than four years and it was a painful one for us. We gave up the genetic connection a long time ago and now we just really want to be parents. Two of our best friends have recently adopted or are currently matched so it seems like a beautiful way to go. We're about half-way done with our home-study and have begun working on our profile. I'm really interested in what any of you who are using/have used for domestic adoptions.

Our agency has a la carte pricing. We can choose them for as much or as little as we like. Currently we're using them for our home-study and we'll definitely use them for post-placement as well. I'm not sure if we'll use their outreach service or use a combination of other agencies, lawyer, etc. I'm really, really leery about facilitators for a variety of reasons but there are a few good ones here in Northern CA. We have a reproductive rights attorney we've used for some other contract type stuff and she does adoption work as well (and is an adoptive mom and past president of our local RESOLVE so I feel really good about that).

I look forward to being a 'real' member of this thread.

[alo]

Wow, all of a sudden this thread is full of people. I'm so glad to have friends to go through this with.

I thought I would let you know that our foster son was returned to his birthmom today. We are beside ourselves with sadness. The house seems so empty, and I feel so lonely - I basically spent every waking hour (and most of my asleep ones) with him, and I feel lost right now. We took care of him longer than his birthmom ever has, and I know he must have been scared and sad when he got there and couldn't find me anywhere. But we're just trying to get through it.

I told DH after our foster son left, that we HAVE to go through with a regular adoption now. I can't handle the emotional toll of foster care too many times (I would like to continue doing it while we do the adoption research though). I am trying to convince him that he's just going to have to eat the cost and deal with it. But he's still refusing to consider it. I have no idea how to get through to him that I am so over being financially sound right now. Some things are so much more important. Of course, if I'm going to be a SAHM (my full time job ends in 3 months, and we haven't decided whether or not I'll get a new job), I feel like I can't demand that we spend money if I'm not making any. So frustrating.


karlatta - Do you know if you can use a foster care homestudy for an adoption agency? I read somewhere that some agencies accept them if they're less than a year old. I would *love* to save that $2500 price tag that the agencies charge! (Although I have heard that the "financials" part of the homestudy must be completed by a CPA for the adoption agency; we did not need to do that for the foster care system.

We're all thinking good thoughts for you and DS.

melissafromnc - Forgive me, but we've talked before, yes? I'm having trouble keeping everybody straight. Are we friended on LJ?

Alioop - I can completely understand the "needing a breath". We took 6 months off after my last IVF, before I started looking into doing foster care. And then the foster care process took us another 6 months to get licensed. So it's been a year since our last fertility treatment. I think you definitely need to take all the time you feel you need, to get to the place where you're ready to move on to adoption.

ginadc - Thanks for the information on the adoption agencies; that is very good information to know! So would you definitely recommend going with a lawyer over going to an agency? Is ACW a full-service agency? And, would your lawyer be willing to give recommendations for lawyers in some of our areas? I just have no idea how to find a decent adoption lawyer. Did you pay the adoption attorney and ACW? Did the adoption attorney help you with anything along the way (i.e., did you need her, or could you just have gone through ACW?)

And how did you work with them in Ohio, from NJ? Like - how did you complete the pre-adoptive training? There are just so many questions about the actual process that I have.

knoelani - Can I ask which states you are considering adoption through? It sounds like Texas, Utah, and another. I'd love to hear your thoughts. Also, what's the deal with the compact/fee deal you have to do when you're out of state?

I know what you mean about struggling to get through all of this. It just feels like we've been so sad for so long, and I am so damn sick of it.

[karlatta]

alo - I've been thinking of you all day today. I can't imagine. The only baby we've given back (so far) was only with us for three days, and I remember how terrible that was. I hope you and your DH are able to find peace through all of this. And you know, I've never asked about the homestudy. I know that we've been told that if we do adopt M, the foster care agency will just do a quick homestudy update and not an entirely new one. (It has been more than a year since our homestudy, and they need to update certain things, like the fact that I'm pregnant now.) I really don't think we'll ever do a non-foster adoption though, so I've never really thought about it.

[ginadc]

Oh, alo, I'm so sorry that you had to say goodbye to your foster son. I just can't imagine how much that must hurt. I will be thinking of you!

So would you definitely recommend going with a lawyer over going to an agency? Is ACW a full-service agency? And, would your lawyer be willing to give recommendations for lawyers in some of our areas? I just have no idea how to find a decent adoption lawyer. Did you pay the adoption attorney and ACW? Did the adoption attorney help you with anything along the way (i.e., did you need her, or could you just have gone through ACW?)

Well, we actually hired our own lawyer in addition to working with an agency; we just decided that it would be better for our peace of mind to have someone whose job only was to take care of us. Lawyers can also work with you to do your own directed search for a "private," non-agency match, which our attorney could have done had we not gotten matched through ACW so quickly.

We paid both the attorney and ACW. In general, you don't "have to" have your own separate attorney from the agency, and most people don't; it just depends on the situation. In ours, a) we just wanted one, and b) ACW is in Ohio and we're in NJ, so even if we hadn't worked with Debbie in any of the rest of the process, we would have needed to engage an attorney at least to represent us for the finalization stuff.

I think most of what we needed we could have done just through the agency, but it was really helpful to have Debbie available to us as well. I know she'd be happy to recommend colleagues in other areas; she's a member of Quad-A (the American Academy of Adoption Attorneys), and also has her social work license. She's just a lovely, caring and gracious woman and takes really good care of her clients, and she doesn't just recommend any Quad-A attorney. If anyone's interested, I can ask her about specific cities/states and anyone she might know there.

As far as working with ACW from NJ--as I said, some of the legals were made much easier by the fact that we had our own lawyer here. But you actually don't need "pre-adoptive training" for non-foster care domestic adoption; we didn't have to take any classes at all. Our home study was completed with the previous agency, and it was still good when we switched agencies, so we just used that one. But you can get a home study done either by the agency itself, or if they're not local to you, they can usually recommend a home study agency/licensed provider in the area. For example, to get our home study updated, we used the Jewish Child Care Association of New York, and we'll probably use them for our new home study for a second adoption as well. They just send the HS to A Child's Waiting, and that's that.

I hope that all makes sense...I know this is an enormously confusing and complicated process!

[alo]

ginadc - Okay, more questions! The ACW website actually says that "pre-adoptive training" is required. I know that some adoption agencies that I've contacted have required anything from 22 - 25 hours of training before you can move forward. ACW did not require this of you?

If Debbie has any attorneys she would recommend in the Baltimore/Annapolis area, we would be much appreciative. Thanks!!

Oh, and can you share some of the other ideas that your attorney gave you, before you asked her about ACW?


Question: Those of you who are going through/have gone through the process with an adoption agency or attorney - if you don't mind my asking, how did you finance this? Did you get a home equity loan or something similar? And how much was your final "bill"? Thanks!

ETA: Two more questions -
1) Has anyone looked into Adoption Access, Inc. in Texas? They say they will completely reimburse all expenses if the adoption falls through. (Will others?) They also say that they do not allow the birthmother to choose adoptive parents until the 8th month, and due to this excessive birthmother counseling they say that less than 10% of their birthmothers change their minds. (Does anyone have statistics like this for any other agencies?)
2) Has anyone looked at Adoption Advocates in Texas? They say they only accept as many hopeful adoptive parents that they think they can place within a year. So I'm guessing you wouldn't be stuck on a waiting list for years on end with them.

(And yes, you should count on me having more questions. I'm going through the list of adoption agencies, and I'm still in the A's, so it'll take a while.)

[LeighW]

Alo, I'm so sorry. I can't imagine. :(

Karlatta, still thinking of you. What a long wait. :(

Melissa, welcome! :) We got really bogged down in the paperwork, but, it's a huge relief after it's done. It felt real to me when I read the finished homestudy report. Very cool about the a la carte pricing.

On coping, for me, it's sort of like IF treatments. Some days are better than others and we just keep muddling through. We did take a break between treatments (ours were alternative) and starting the adoption process. Some days I'm great and some days I'm still mad as hell that we couldn't get pregnant and stay pregnant a second time. (We have a 4-year-old DD.)

Domestic agencies--sorry, can't help here. We're adopting from S. Korea.

Finances--we are lucky and have the cash in savings. I think we're looking at a total of $25,000 - $30,000 (including travel to Seoul for DH and me).

Hi to all the new folks. :) So nice to see some action around here.

[ginadc]

Hi alo,

I think the "pre-adoptive training" ACW's web site talks about probably refers to foster-adopt parents or those doing older child adoptions or special needs. They do a number of those adoptions as well as domestic infant; they also work with "disrupted adoptions," placing children (usually older) when their original adoption disrupts for some reason.

That's one thing that can be a little confusing; they have one big application form for all prospective adoptive parents, so there will be questions on there that just don't apply to you. For example, in the parameters you give for what kind of situations you'd accept (such as how much in utero drug exposure, what kind of birthmother medical history, etc.), there are also questions about what you're willing to deal with in terms of a child's school problems, sexual abuse history, etc. Obviously, when you're adopting a newborn, those questions are irrelevant, but you just can write N/A or something like that.

Alo, the other agency our attorney likes a lot is more "local" to us, Spence-Chapin out of NYC. They are fantastic and have an excellent reputation, but things can move slowly with them sometimes too. One other agency, if you're in MD, that I might recommend is called Adoptions Together. They're in Silver Spring. My friend Todd and his partner adopted a baby boy through them who's almost 4 now, and they're now getting ready to adopt again through them and had a great experience. And I'll ask Debbie what she knows about Baltimore/Annapolis attorneys.

Oh, you had also asked knoelani about the out of state compact. It's called the Interstate Compact for the Placement of Children, and it's a federal law that governs the process when a child is born in one state and adopted into another. There are ICPC offices in each state. When the baby is born, ICPC usually starts as soon as the birth mother signs consent. The paperwork then goes to the "sending state" ICPC office (where the baby's born), which reviews it all and, after approving it, then sends it on to the "receiving state" ICPC office. Once the receiving state approves the paperwork, they send it back to the sending state and you get approval to go home with the baby.

While ICPC is in process, you have to stay in the state where the baby was born. You can go anywhere in that state--if the baby is born in Atlanta, you can go to Savannah, but you can't go to Charleston, SC. Well, you can, but the baby can't; they're not allowed to be taken across state lines.

It's obviously cheaper to adopt from the same state in which you live, as there is less work for the agency/attorney(s) to do in dealing with ICPC. And you can go straight home. But if you only work with prospective birthmoms from your home state, that obviously can limit how quickly you'll be matched and bring home a baby.

[karlatta]

I called the caseworker yesterday and left a message - still nothing. I am starting to go a little crazy!

[Thea]

delurking to tell Karlatta I am thinking about you! Hang in there!

[mimieliza]

Also delurking to send positive thoughts to Karla... (((HUGS)))

[kam]

Another lurker sending positive thoughts to Karla.

I had sent Gina a PM months ago when I found out she was a mom to congratulate her but I had NO idea of the trials and tribulations you went through to get there. I congratulated you before, but now I congratulate you once again. I hope to be in NY for longer than a night (as that's what I'm doing now) so I can meet your beautiful little girl!

Well, now that I'm here....I'm an adoptee so I am lurking from someone who benefited tremendously (obviously) from the adoption process. ;) My birthmother found me at the age of 24 (since any level of open adoption was unheard of in the early 70s) and it was a very positive experience as well. If anything, it also deepened my relationship to my own parents as they were crazy supportive during the process as well.

That said, I have extremely strong beliefs about adoption, adoptive parents, adoptees, and the comparison to biological relationships, so I'll stop there, but I guess I wanted to say hi and thank all of you for going through this process, or considering going through this process. I can't imagine better parents for me than my own parents and I'm sure your kids, or your future kids, will say the same about you all!

[melissafromnc]

alo I'm so sorry about your foster son and having to say goodbye. Yes, we've talked before. I think pocket originally sent you my way. We've shared many parts of the IF journey. We're friended over on LJ (at least we were). I'm tarheel_born over there. BTW a friend of mine (and former WCer) adopted from Spence Chapin one of the agencies gina recommeded. They were fabulous but very, very slow.

karlatta Hope you hear something soon.

leigh I met my friend's son today! I think you might read/have read her blog? He's not quite 6 months old and they just got home from Seoul a couple of weeks ago. She's totally besotted and says it's all worth it.

kam I'd love to hear more about your beliefs if you'd like to pm me. I have friends who are adult adoptees but am always interested in hearing different perspectives. As a former tarheel I'm always glad to see other NC folks too.

As for the question about financing, one of the reasons we chose our agency was their a la carte pricing. We were able to pay for certain things like the homestudy fee up front. We'll get a little help from my DH's company if we finalize and adoption. And we can borrow some money from my folks if we need cash. We're aware of the adoption tax credit but you have to outlay the cash first and it doesn't apply for all income levels so it might not work for everyone (I think it starts to diminish at 150k agi or so). I've also heard of some foundations that give grants to help people fund adoptions if they don't have company help or home equity or things like that.

[knoelani]

Karla~ I'm thinking of you and hope you get good news soon.

Gina~ Thanks again for sharing your story and info!

Alo~ Did you get my email of the spreadsheet and website? We did get info from both Adoption Alliance and Adoption Advisory Inc. We're looking into Adoption Alliance, I've ruled out Adoption Advisory Inc (for a probably really stupid reason). When I requested an info packet I got a very short impresonal email telling me to go to the website. With every other agency I've received at least a personal reply. Silly, I'm sure, but it immediately turned me away.

Melissa~ Did you already say which agency you went with, if not do you mind sharing? I haven't found any with ala carte pricing.

As for financing, we're in the middle ground where we don't qualify for most if not all the aid and grants, but where we don't have stacks of money sitting around in savings. We're hoping to pay as we go with what we do have set aside for adopting and then I'll probably sell some investments and take the tax hit.

[ginadc]

Karla, just wanted to let you know I'm still thinking of you and keeping everything crossed!!!

[karlatta]

Thanks, Gina! We still don't know anything! I've called our caseworker numerous times and I always just get her voicemail. Blar.

[alo]

Has anyone looked at the information packet from A Act of Love?

'Cause the fees seem higher than anyone else. And $8K of the fees are non-refundable. I thought the whole point of going with an agency was that you got the "majority" of the money back if the adoption falls through. Doesn't sound like that with them.

Although I did love their adoption packet, and I really love their "average 7 month" waiting period, I did NOT like their fees!

[melissafromnc]

knoelani We're using an agency here in CA called Adoption Connection (http://www.adoptionconnection.org), they are affiliated with the Jewish Family and Children's Services of Northern California and have been around for a long time. We're currently using them for our homestudy and may or may not use their outreach program. We also have a reproductive rights attorney who does a lot of adoption work (and is an adoptive mom) so we might use her for that.

I guess in looking at our agency's website they call it a Fee for Service contract, so you pay as you go for only the services you need. Make sense?

alo Is An Act of Love in UT? I think a friend from another board just used them, if they are.

[Winter Biscuit]

I hope it's OK for me to post in here. I'm hoping to get some advice/ideas from those of you who have adopted or are waiting to adopt. One of my closest friends is planning to adopt a baby, and it sounds like she may bring her baby home VERY soon (birth mother is due May 6 :D) I am so excited for her and really hope that everything works out. It has been a very long, painful journey for her, and all I can really say is that I really applaud all of you for pursuing adoption. For all of those still waiting, I hope you get to bring home your little angels soon :)

So, here's where I need help. When some of my other friends birthed their own babies, I put together a "new mom's survival kit" for them that included things that they might need in the first few weeks/months after having a baby. I plan to continue the tradition with this friend, but I need to modify the contents of the kit since many of the items I have included in the past wouldn't apply to an adoptive mother (e.g. Tucks for hemorroids that appear after pushing a baby out, extra large maxi pads, breast pads, Lansinoh cream, etc.)

If you've adopted a baby, what are/were some of the essential items you couldn't live without in those first few weeks/months? I am trying to keep the focus on the mom rather than the baby, so I want to include things for the MOM rather than the baby. What made (or would have made) your life easier? If you're still waiting for your baby, what do you think you would want during the first few weeks/months? (Obviously, I'm sure that all anyone wants is to bring a baby home and hold it as much as they can - but the reality is that mom's still need to take care of themselves and get some pampering - especially adoptive moms who have waited a long time for a baby :) You can't take care of your baby unless you take care of yourself!) I am thinking things like:

- Kleenex because you will cry many tears of happiness
- Undereye concealer to hide those dark circles that will appear after all those sleepless nights
- Mouthwash because some days you won't get a chance to brush your teeth until 3pm
- Pony tail holders because you'll be so busy focusing on your new baby that you won't find time to do your own hair
- Coupons for me to babysit so she can get out of the house and reconnect with her husband
- Gift card for a mani/pedi and massage

I'd appreciate any/all ideas you might have for me so I can make a special kit for my friend. TIA!

[karlatta]

I finally talked to our case worker today. Finally.

She said that they've decided to hold off on deciding the adoption fate of the kids for now. I want to scream! I'm giving birth in 3 months, and I'd like to know if my daughter will be baby #1 or baby #2, you know? We have trial this Thursday, at which time the mom's rights will be terminated. The kids will then be transferred to another case worker (who works specifically on adoptions) who will lead up deciding where the kids go.

I'm really getting stressed here, because I was told MONTHS ago that our foster daughter (9 years old) would be leaving us by June, allowing us enough time to get prepared for our baby on the way. Now they're saying that it can "probably" work out that way. I don't think they understand that I physically do not have room in my home for three children, and I need more than a couple of weeks to get the nursery ready for DD!

Anyway, the case worker is coming over this afternoon, and hopefully I'll be able to get a better feel for what's going to happen. I'm getting to the point where I just want to know what's going on - I certainly have a preference for what I would like to happen, but more than that, I really just want to know what is going on.

[KRL626]

karlatta Hey I'm following your story closely as mentioned before. Just a question for you? Are foster DS and foster DD biological siblings? If yes what happens to DD when she leaves if DS stays. Sorry I am clueless about this. We are interested in adopting a sibling pair someday so I'm trying to get a feel for how all of that works.

[karlatta]

KRL626 - They are a sibling pair, but they are only half siblings and they are 9 years apart, so there's not a lot of push to keeping them together just for the sake of them being together. In fact, the 9 year old often comments that she doesn't want to live with her brother in her next house. Who knows what will really happen, though?

Typically, though, they try to place siblings together. My first foster daughter was removed from my home shortly after she was placed because they identified some of her siblings, and she was sent to live with them. (They were toddlers, and she was a newborn at the time.)

[Hangin'in]

Karla and anyone else fostering or fostering to adopt.... DH and I are waiting on the initial background checks to come back after our initial meeting 2 1/2 weeks ago. We are hoping to foster (possibly adopt) young children. Since we don't know what the age of the child(ren) will be, I would assume we would need to be prepared for infants through 6 years of age. We have 1 bedroom for this. Our 2nd bedroom is being used as an office, and we aren't currently going to change that. I'm not counting the master bedroom! Anyway, how did you you set up the *nursery*? I'm assuming we need to have a crib (convertible to toddler) and a twin bed, possibly both in the room at the same time because our room is big enough for 2 children to share...... but we are hoping for 1 child at a time. I feel like I'm rambling, I hope this makes sense! I don't want to do the room in solid block colors, but gender neutral. I want the room to be special. If anyone has pictures, I would love to see them.

[Asha]

hangin'in - (jumping in here, but i have done a bit of research on this bc we are planning on fostering/adopting sometime in the future) i would check with the rules in your state regarding sharing bedrooms. i think some states have rules about different sex children sharing the same room. also, when they do the home check they usually don't expect you to have all of the furniture already but to show you have the physical space for a child, and the home is clean and safe. of course, this also varies by state. perhaps, you can first get a twin bed with guard rails and wait to see if you will need a crib bc cribs are quite pricey. if you want it to be gender neutral and advance with age, perhaps you can get some photographic prints of animals and nature scenes.

[Hangin'in]

Yes, there are age limits to children of the opposite sex sharing a bedroom... That's why I said we would probably only have 1 child at a time. It would be a special situation for there to be 2 children in our home.

[Lisa]

Karla, Sorry for the headache you are getting with social worker!:( Hopefully after the trial they will have more answers

About us, we were told yesterday they are proceding with TPRing A and his little brother who is in a different foster home. Their mom has done nothing the courts have asked, that makes me so sad but on a better note. The CA and court appointed guardian think it will be fairly easy to adopt him! We are excited, we have fallen in love with him and want to keep him. So hopefully after his hearing next month we will know a better time frame

[karlatta]

Jen - If you can find an inexpensive crib, I'd do a crib and a twin bed with rails. Especially if you think you're going to end up with super-young ones. (My agency only uses me for babies, because most of the foster parents they have are only interested in older children.) We have a crib that we got from a friend for free, and it was definitely nice to know that when we got a call for a 5 day old, we had a place for him to sleep. if you don't have a crib, and you're really worried about it, make sure you have a pack n play or something like that so that the baby has a place to sleep - because he or she will definitely need to sleep within the first few hours of being at your house, and you don't want to be running around trying to figure out where.

Lisa - Good luck! Just a caution, though - we were told the same thing way back in November, and we're still here in May waiting for TPR and the final word on adoption.

[karlatta]

We had court today.

They made some big decisions, but rights weren't terminated. We go back to trial on August 1st - which is my due date. :rolleyes:

DD will be leaving in 3-4 weeks to go to another foster family. DS will be staying with us through the summer until the trial in August.

We still have no way of knowing whether or not we will be able to adopt, but at least this way, there's still a shot. And I'll have room in my house for my DD-to-be.

[Lisa]

Karlatta, sorry they didn't TPR him:( Hopefully Aug 1 they will. A's mom has lost custody for all her kids and 2 are permanently with grandma. Its sad we are cautious but hopeful

[karlatta]

Yeah, it's a long story why they didn't TPR yet. They granted a continuance not for the mom to get her act together, but so that they can investigate the grandmother and determine if she is suitable to care for the children.

But at the next trial, either the grandmother will be suitable and they will go to her, or TPR will happen and they will be adopted.

[knoelani]

Karla~ I'm sorry for all the stress and indecision and no information you've been dealing with. I guess the good news is that you should be ready for DD's arrival and have space for her! Are they still investigating the grandma and that's why they won't make a decision?

Melissa~ Thanks for info on your agency. From their website it looks like they only work with adoptive families in CA, so we're out on that. I really like the ala cart service though!

Alo~ A Act of Love is the front runner for us right now. I've talked with them a few times and really like them. They are a little pricier than some of the ones we've looked at and less than others. As for the refunds if things don't work out, the person I spoke with said that the $ is escrowed and they immediately start looking for another match. You're out some of the bm expenses, but not the agency fees. The rough estimate that she gave me was $25(k) + homestudy costs + unforseen medical expenses. By the way, did you ever get my email with the spreadsheet?

[knoelani]

I just wanted to do a quick update...we submitted our preliminary application and application fee to the Utah agency on Monday, well put it in the mailbox on Monday. Hopefully we'll hear something soon, I don't know how long it will take for them to get it and review it. It's a big step for us and hopefully they'll at least preliminarily accept us and we can get started on the home study. I hope everyone's doing well.

[LeighW]

Karlatta, so sorry you're still in limbo with your DS. But at least it sounds like there's a plan for your DD. Hooray for some decisions made, and room in your house for the new DD. :) I can't believe the trial begins on your EDD! Ack.

Knoelani, congrats on submitting your application. We were so excited to submit ours and really be on our way.

Jen, congrats on your decision to foster/adopt. :) Nice to see more 35+ TTC faces around here. :)

Lisa, how exciting about the easy adoption vibes. :)

I have some news: we got a referral on Tuesday! It's a little boy, 3 months old. We are soooo excited and have been flashing his photo everywhere. We're going to accept the referral, of course, just finishing up the mountain of required paperwork. The agency told us that travel approval is taking 3 months these days, so we're expecting to be able to go get him in August (S. Korea). He'll be 6 months old then, and we are way excited to be getting such a young baby.

[ginadc]

Woo hoo, Leigh! Congratulations--that's wonderful! How exciting that you'll be able to bring your son home at such a young age. Get a lot of sleep in the next three months! :D

Knoelani, yay on the application going in! I remember that time...it's so exciting, and yet so nerve-wracking, isn't it?

We have some news...we got a phone call from our adoption attorney yesterday, with a situation to present to us. She knows that we want to adopt #2 when Annika is about 2-ish, so we really aren't ready to go forward with anything yet, but because of the specifics of the situation, she wanted to at least call us.

It's a couple she's worked with on 2 adoptions previously (they have one daughter in their late teens whom they raised, and do not want more kids). She is due in December, so has more or less just found out. The first adoptive couple did not choose to adopt the second baby because they already had two kids and didn't want a third. As for the second couple, why are they not approaching them? Well, with both the first and second couple, they had been given some assurances about a degree of communication (letters/pictures...they really aren't even that worried about visits) that didn't happen. The first adoptive couple has even reneged on pictures, which I think is utterly heinous.

Anyway, our lawyer advised them that the only way they can be reasonably sure that the adoptive parents will stick to what they promise as far as contact is to work with a family who's already doing that. At this point, in her client base the only people who are still looking to adopt and who are doing a real open adoption are, you guessed it, us.

So she told them about us and they asked her to call us and see what we thought, knowing that we might say absolutely not, we're not ready yet.

Obviously, because I'm posting about it here, we didn't say that. We are going to think about it over the weekend and talk to our lawyer on Monday to see if we want to talk further to them and explore it more.

In many ways, it's practically ideal. Pluses:

1. No need to put out a profile, search for a situation, etc. That whole journey is just so fraught with emotion.
2. She's placed twice before and clearly knows this is what she wants. Odds of her/them changing their minds are very slim, and they apparently know what they are doing.
3. The costs would be less than if we worked with an agency again. They still won't be "cheap"--but it will be probably somewhere in the vicinity of $7K less than Annika's adoption.
4. Debbie has worked with them a lot, knows them well, and trusts them and has a lot of history and information on them.

Minuses:

1. December is not February. Annika will only be 22 months, not two. We had kind of seen two as a milestone for when it would be the right time to have another child, although that may just be an artificial distinction in our minds. It may also make things difficult with holidays, Annika's birthday, etc. and everything so close together, but that's minor.
2. She is over 35. That does mean somewhat more concern about prenatal testing and risk of anomalies, and some time before we can know those things. Then again, if I had managed to get pregnant, we'd have those worries too.
3. A loooooong match. While we were planning on not having another child until at least February, we weren't planning on being actively "waiting" until then...knowing about a specific pregnancy and dealing with the ongoing issues can be a little stressful...six months of that? Yipes.
4. We had assumed that most of the second adoption expenses would come in FY 2008, after DH gets his bonus for this year. Doing it this year would mean that most of the costs would have to be absorbed into our regular budget for the year. Doable, but definitely some stretching involved.

I think we're leaning about 65% yes (or "exploratory yes") and 35% no. It mostly seems pretty right. I hate how this couple were treated by the adoptive parents in the other two cases...if you say you're going to provide letters and pictures, then do it. If you're not willing to have some degree of openness, then don't lie and say you will just to get a kid. I think they really deserve to have their wishes honored by whoever adopts this third child, and that is something we will do.

Of course, we'd have to see if we actually click with them. We really did with Annika's birthmom, and it's so great...we know how important that is now. So if we do say yes to moving forward, it will be conditional on how things go in early phone calls--which I'm sure it would be for them as well.

And obviously the big thing is thinking about how it will affect Annika. We wanted her to be able to be "the baby" until she was 2, but is the difference between 22 months and 24 months that much? If the baby were due this summer or even in the fall, the answer would almost definitely be no, but this seems close enough that it may work out all right.

So...that's where we are now!

[LeighW]

Gina: wow, that is a lot to digest. For my two cents, I'd do it if you click with the birthparents. I hear you on the financial and other difficulties being accelerated, but, really, it's better than waiting, waiting, waiting once you decide you're ready for #2. Take this with a grain of salt, but, as someone who has tried for 3 years for #2 (my bio DD just turned 4), a little sooner than you planned is definitely better than a whole lot later.

I also understand your concerns about Annika being the only one until she's 2 but, really, 22 months is about the same as 24. Now that I'm looking at bringing home a 6-month-old with my 4+ year old, I'm realizing how difficult an adjustment it might be for her. She's older and can understand some things, but she's been the only star in the sky for a looooong time. I'm sure the grass is always greener, but I think it's better to introduce a sibling sooner rather than later. (Of course, there's always going to be an adjustment period, no matter how close or far apart they are.)

Good luck. Maybe you'll click with the birthparents, or not click at all--either way I hope you learn something to make the decision easier.

[ginadc]

Yeah, Leigh, that's pretty much the direction we're leaning. If we click with the potential birthparents, there's pretty much no good reason not to go forward. OTOH, if we don't, then that's that. Since we really believe in open adoption, and we've had such a good relationship with Annika's birthmom, we really want to make sure there's a good level of compatibility again.

It's funny how differently you react to things after you've been through the adoption roller coaster. If this were the first time around, I'd be jumping out of my chair with excitement. Now, I'm cautiously optimistic, but trying not to get too emotionally invested in anything yet.

[ginadc]

Realized I haven't posted any pics of my darling girl here for a long time, so without further ado:

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/191/503246015_199ae612ed.jpg?v=0

[boilermaker]

Just dropping by to see how things are going with Gina..
Annika is so adorable!!! I think if you come out here again, you need to bring her with you!

That is exciting news on the potential adoption. Good luck making the decision. I'm sure whatever you decide will be right for your family. I'll be lurking to see what you do :)

To everyone else, best of luck with your adoptions. I give you all kudos to go through what you are doing. Your future children are going to be so lucky to have you as parents.

[ginadc]

Well, talked to our attorney today, who talked to the expectant couple on Monday night and says that she thinks this situation might not be right after all. She is getting a very different vibe from them than the first two times they worked with her, and her sense is that they really haven't worked through issues that they have from the previous two adoptions and will probably end up parenting. She discussed that feeling with them and they were insistent that it wasn't the case, but Debbie has been doing this a long time and she has pretty strong feelings (like 90%) that that's the way it will go.

Since we weren't actively pushing to start the adoption process yet anyway, it's not really a big deal to let this go. We really trust Debbie's instincts--she's looked out for us very well and has been the one advocate through this whole process who has never steered us wrong. So, back to our original plan, which was to get our new home study started in the late summer and then once all the paperwork is done, really start an active search for adoption #2 in the late fall.

So that's what's new here. Anyone else?

[knoelani]

Gina~ I'm sorry it doesn't seem like this situation will work out, but it does appear to still be a good thing for your family and your plans. Hopefully in a few months (it really is a short time) a GREAT situation will come along.

We received our second packet in the mail this week, so it looks like we're really on our way! I don't even know where to start right now. I'll spend some time reading this weekend and figuring out our next steps. We have a call with one of the directors from the agency next week and hopefully we'll have a clearer idea of what to do.

[Astro]

tentative post...

Hi All,

We might be looking to adopt soon due to many failed IVF attempts. How do I find a good adoption lawyer in Washington State?

Gina - does your lawyer know anyone in Washington State? :)

[melissafromnc]

Astro-Are you on LJ? An old wc-er who doesn't come here much is on LJ and she knows tons of great info about adopting in Washington State. She ended up going with an agency (and matched VERY quickly and has an adorable son) but she also talked to a lawyer she adored. PM me if you want more information or her email.

~~~~
I know I haven't posted much here but our homestudy will be officially complete this week! We've started working on our profile and expectant mother letter. We're also trying to decide how we want to approach outreach. I need to set up a call with our reproductive rights attorney because I know she has services as well. Our agency's outreach is pretty good but they work with a lot of folks at once (like 70 couples).

[karlatta]

Just wanted to stop by and let you all know that we just received notification that our foster daughter (D) will be moving to a new home on Monday. I was able to talk to the new mom and I think it's going to be a great fit for D. But it still leaves me with mixed emotions.

Part of me is definitely going to miss her. It will be strange without having her around - she's been living here for over a year, after all. But part of me is also really excited, because I will be 32 weeks pregnant when she moves, and I'll finally be able to start getting my house ready for the baby.

So that's that. We still won't know until August whether or not we're going to be able to be considered for adoption for DS, but we're remaining hopeful.

[portlandbride]

Just wanted to jump in as I follow your stories - I think what you all are doing is great.
I did want to mention that there is a agency in Utah, Focus on Children, that has been written up several times in our newspaper. They are charged with lying to the birthparents about the fact they they were taking their children for adoption.
Anyway, I remember a while back someone mentioned maybe using an agency in Utah and I wanted to let you know that this one probably isn't the best one to use. :)

[Lisa]

Update on us. A's parents went to court last wednesday to change the goal on his and his bro's case plan to adoption. They judge agreed so thats the new goal...adoption! now we are waiting on the medation to start. Everyone thinks mom will sign her rights away then to avoid trial but who knows. So prayerfully in the next 60 days we will know more and we can adopt A!

[karlatta]

Thinking lots of good, positive thoughts for you, Lisa!

Things are still the same for us. Foster DD moved out and we are supposed to take her brother to see her once or twice a month. Our first visit is actually this Sunday, so it will be interesting to see how it goes.

And we're still waiting around on our court date (August 1st). We're supposed to find out then if the kids will be adoptable or if they will be returning to their grandmother. Unfortunately, even if they are adoptable, we still have months of waiting ahead of us. It's sad for us, but it's even worse for the kids. They've already been in foster care for 14 months and there's really no end in sight right now.

[alo]

I realized that it's been forever since I stopped by, so I wanted to give everyone a quick update on us.

In the past week, things have really been getting interesting!

We are currently fostering a 10-month-old baby boy, and it looks like we'll get to keep him for at least a little bit. The lawyers say that there is no way BirthMom will get the kids back in court next week, so we *should* have the little boy for the next 6 months. At that point, there will be another court hearing, and based on what the BirthMom has done to improve her situation, the judge will decide again if she gets them back. No idea what happens at that point. But - the bottom line is that it looks like we'll hopefully have the baby boy for at least 6 more months. Hopefully we'll get to adopt him at some point, but it'll be a long time coming.

And THEN we got a call the other night from another family that's fostering a 2-year-old girl who has just become adoptable. This family has decided NOT to adopt her (they are in their late 50's and don't feel it's fair to her), and want to know if we are interested in adopting her. ACK! So we are hoping to meet her soon and decide if the situation will work for everyone. We are cautiously optimistic about this, but not hoping for too much. I'm trying to get over my "But I want to adopt a BABY!" feelings and just count my blessings.

So that's where we are. A month ago we didn't have any children in our house, and a month from now, we could have TWO! One that we're hoping to adopt and one that we're fostering-to-hopefully-adopt. It's a lot to take on at once, but we've been wanting a child for so long, how could we say no to either possibility?

[alo]

I figured I'd come in and let you all know the latest.

The adoption of LittleGirl is not going to happen. Someone from her family has stepped up and said they want to adopt her (after watching her go through 18 months of bad foster homes, they just NOW are interested in taking care of her?! Whatever.). So we will no longer be considered for her adoption. I'm rather pissed, obviously.

As for the baby we're currently fostering, his trial is occuring today. His family is fighting to get him back, so we'll see what happens.

[ginadc]

Oh, alo, I'm sorry! I feel bad for you, of course, but especially for that little girl. As you said, where the heck have these people been for the past 18 months? I hope they're really stepping up and taking this seriously. I'll be crossing my fingers that all goes well with the trial today for the little boy, and thinking of you!

[LeighW]

Alo, so sorry to hear your news. As Gina said, I also feel for the little girl. I hope these folks are going to take parenting seriously.

Gina, I read your news in the 35+ thread. Congratulations!!!

[ginadc]

Thanks, Leigh! I'm still in shock!

For those of you who haven't seen the news--I'm pregnant! Very early--4 weeks 2 days today. I get my beta results tomorrow, and my "confirmation of viability" ultrasound is set for the 1st of August. We've tried off and on before with OPKs, but this was our first month using the Clearblue Easy Fertility Monitor. I was convinced I'd had an anovulatory cycle since all it did was tell me "high" fertility from about cycle day 10 through 23--it never gave me a "peak" day--but maybe the little thing knew what it was doing. Anyway, crossing my fingers this sticks!

[diam124]

Congratulations Gina! That is such wonderful, wonderful news!

My nephew's adoption (from Guatemala) is going to be finalized tomorrow and then they are finally bringing him home! It was exactly 1 year ago today that they told all of us that they were going to be pursuing adoption.

[marlenanyc]

Hi ladies,

I have not been here in a loong time - several months. But I'm ready to jump back in and talk about adoption with all of you. Since posting here a while ago and gathering information, we have since hired an adoption lawyer (same as GinaDC used, thanks for the recommendation Gina!) and we are currently drowning in paperwork while we slog through the homestudy process. CANNOT WAIT until this is part is over!

[karlatta]

Just wanted to let you all know that our court hearing is tomorrow. We should know then with relative certainty whether DS will be able to be adopted by us or if he is going to be going back to live with his grandmother. I'm super nervous (he's been with us for almost 15 months - since he was 5 days old), so I appreciate any prayers/good thoughts you guys could send our way.

Thanks!

[marlenanyc]

Good Luck Karlatta!! fingers crossed for a great day for you :-)

Marlena

[alo]

Hey everyone - wanted to give you a quick update on us. First of all, we had the hearing for our foster son, and we now know that we'll have him until the end of October. At that point, there will be another hearing, and they'll decide whether the kids will stay in care or whether they'll be returned to their Birthmom. DSS at this point sees no way that the BM will be able to take care of the kids, so I'm really hoping the court system agrees. It's going to be a LONG time before we really know anything about his future though.

The good news is that we are moving forward with fostering-to-adopt the Little Girl!! We met her today (she announced at daycare that she was coming to "see her new Mommy and Daddy"!), and she is sweet and contrary and is going to keep us on our toes. She is coming to live with us (for good!) next week. We'll foster her for 6 months, and then we can start adoption proceedings (which take about 2 months). And then she'll be ours! The social workers kept telling us today how this JUST DOESN'T HAPPEN (that a child this young in the foster care system is completely adoptable). So we're counting our lucky stars. And freaking out! Taking on a toddler is overwhelming. Wish us luck!


Karlatta: Thinking of you and hoping for the VERY VERY best!!

[karlatta]

Good News!

Our foster son's parental rights were terminated this afternoon at court, and we are headed to adoption. It should happen very, very soon. I am so beyond thrilled. :)

[honeygirl]

Congrats Karlatta! I've been reading along and am so happy for you and him!