Support for Ladies Who Have Miscarried (#3)

[cr8zyforaf]

Miel - I am sorry.

I guess we are going to TTC next cycle..I am waiting for AF. I have a call into the ob to ask about how pain medicine would affect TTC as DH has been on some pretty strong stuff since the second week of November. I am also going to make an appointment with the RE...I think I would feel more comfortable talking to him again just to get his take on what happened and my cycles (I have a lot of spotting before AF comes).

[miel]

Hey Cr8zy I'm really OK. It kind of shows something about how different it is to think you are pregnant for real and then mc and to have kind of a malfunction right at the start. The only thing I worry about is when the progesterone leaves my body, how I will react. The second pg. really helped with the PPD stuff from the first one. But maybe I will get lucky and get pg. again right away!

Of course, I don't know what I'll do if the embryo is growing normally all of the sudden. But that can't happen as far as I know.

I've learned a lot about what I can and can't handle. Some of this I really can handle and some is a lot harder. I can handle this situation. Regular mc is so so so much harder.

So glad to hear you are going to TTC. I hope the RE appointment will go well.

[Sand]

Ladies, I am so sorry for all this heartbreak. Sending my thoughts and hugs.

I wish you all a wonderful holiday!
(whatever holiday you celebrate)

[Sand]

We have an appt Monday to get the results of our karyotype tests. omg am I nervous! The worst thing about all this is that I want something to be obviously wrong so I know it can be fixed and I dont have to go through another loss... but I dont want to hear that there is because then, well, something is wrong. Oy.
I try to stay positive, but I've been feeling doomsday. I like to think that since my favorite number is 5; that will be the magic one and I'll be a-ok in my fifth pg!! Not going to lie...I'm scared to try again!! Hopefully this next one will be New! and Improved! like my RE is. ;)
------------

I'll second Annette (that was supernice btw) - how is everyone?

[hiphopgirl]

miel - I know you say that you are okay, but I just want to say I'm sorry too. Like I said before, I'm here if you want to PM me. Our stories seem kind of similar.

Sand - I know exactly what you mean. I don't know what the results will tell you, but I hope it is just enough wrong that you can fix it, but not so bad that is something scary. Make sense :)

cr8zyforaf - Good luck with TTC. I hope your DH's leg is all better when it is time to try.

GlamaGal - Big hugs. I went to a group at the hospital for couples who have suffered a loss. There was only one other person there at the time, but they said that usually husbands and wives are there together. Is there something like that for you to go to? If so, you and your husband might get something out of it.

Well, AF showed up yesterday -- with a vengeance. I'm not going to lie, I was disappointed, but at least it meant that I could have a couple of glasses of wine at my company Christmas party last night. I guess all those symptoms were psychosomatic. Sigh. I guess we'll start trying for real this month.

[MLA]

miel - Being in that in between state of "Am I pregnant? Am I not? Is it viable? Is it not?" is awful. You're in my thoughts, and I hope you have some answers soon.

Sand - I know just how you feel -- hoping for something small and fixable to be wrong just so you have a sense of control.

cr8zyforaf - I hope that ttc goes smoothly for you.

GlamaGal - I'm thinking of you.

HipHop - I'm sorry about AF. :(

me- DH and I met with the RE again today. She had all my tests back (including my films from my torture session at the radiologist), and the only thing that's off a little is the number of resting eggs. It's a little low, but not low enough to worry about. So we're back on the ttc horse. She prescribed me progesterone -- not oral, which made me so sick last time, but suppositories. Who'd have thought I'd be happy about suppositories? :rolleyes: She also wants to start me on baby aspirin right away. She said that I have a better than 50% chance of having a normal pregnancy. I think she meant that to be encouraging, but it really wasn't. That seems like a roll of the dice to me.

DH is absolutely convinced that our troubles have been due to progesterone because of my cycle history and the point in both my last pregnancies when I started to have spotting. So he's very optimistic. The doctor was also optimistic. I'm feeling pretty good, but scared, too.

We'll see how this goes. Once I do get pregnant (knock on wood!), I'll stay with the RE at least until they detect a heartbeat, and she'll be doing all sorts of early monitoring. After that I should be able to go back to the midwife practice that I've been using.

Oh, and it looks like we might be able to try again this month. The way my cycle is working, I should be ovulating again right around Christmas. It sure would be a nice Christmas gift, huh?

[kdotp]

glamagal I'm glad to hear the staff was so caring and comforting for you. I think making a charm of the footprints is a lovely way to keep her with you.

miel I hope you get some answers from the u/s today. The waiting is the worst part.

sand I hope you get some answers, too, on Monday.

MLA That's good news, hopefully!

I'm torn on what to do next. Do I try and make an appointment with the only RE in town now even though this last m/c was never verified by a Dr? Do we keep on TTC and wait until/if it happens again? I'm half tempted to start baby aspirin, but I know it's not a good idea to just do it on my own. Ugh. It's just so frustrating.

[MLA]

kdotp - I don't think I'd worry about verification to make your appointment w/the RE. I'd give a call and see if you can get an app't. And really, baby aspirin's no big deal for you to take, but I understand if you want your doctor to okay it.

[miel]

Well, I didn't get any answers but the thing is that I still believe there is no way this could be a viable pregnancy. There is no fetal pole and it is 2 1/2 weeks behind. It never doubled correctly.

The bad news is that--because I am going to a foreign country--he wants to do a D&E before I go so I will not miscarry in a foreign country. I hate to be irrational but I don't want to do this. I want to just miscarry in the regular way. If it keeps growing the doctor says this is not good because one bleeds so much. Does anyone know about this? I'd be 10 weeks or so when I am in Mexico but the embryo would not grow that big because it is already behind. So how bad would it be just to miscarry? I'm not afraid of that. I just don't see why I can't just lie around in bed until it's over? True, it could happen when I am traveling but I've thought of ways to deal with this. I am prepared to handle that.

I know this might not be something people can relate to but I just don't want the D&E. I know it is safer but people miscarry without D&Es all the time, don't they? A miscarriage doesn't usually turn into a medical emergency, does it? Isn't that sort of rare? Besides, they do have hospitals in Mexico.

Sorry for the trouble if no one has an opinion on this.

[miel]

Sand Oh, I hope it turns out how you want!!! I don't know enough about what to hope for so all I am hoping for is a healthy baby for you soon. Yes, 5 is a lucky number.

kdotp I've found it very useful to work with an RE during all this. They have the technology. They can give you guidance. But you can also keep TTC'ing as well.

MLA It really does sound good though! It sounds like you do have reason to be optimistic. I know how hard that is, though. 50% sounds kind of pulled out of a hat. I'd replace that with "a really, really good chance." And I hope you get a baby as a Christmas gift!! That would be nice.

Hiphopgirl Thanks! I pm'd you. Sorry for AF. :(

[jesseybell]

miel - I am so sorry that the u/s was still ambiguous.
I think your doctor's concern is that whenever people m/c naturally there always is the risk that it won't be complete and then you would need a D&E anyway. I don't know what the % is, but maybe he is airing on the side of caution. Granted this was 10 years ago, but I thought I had a cyst and I was going to Mexico on vacation. My GYN didn't seem concerned about my pain and a pelvic didn't detect anything so he was going to send me home. As soon as I said I was travelling to Mexico I was scheduled for an u/s lickity-split. So maybe a doctor doesn't want you having to deal with hospitals in Mexico. Or maybe he is just trying to ease your psychological pain by having it over with before you go on vacation so you don't have to be on pins and needles on vacation.

I am not trying to advocate the D&E (it actually wasn't that bad) but trying to think about why the doctor was pushing it (my doctor pushed one on me though I wanted one, though he was completely understanding that some people chose to do it at home).

[ahavnes]

Miel-I found out at our 11 week u/s that the baby had died. I think it measured around 8.5 weeks at the time. My OB told me I could either have a D&C or wait for it to happen naturally (I wasn’t even cramping or spotting and was still sick). One of the things I was worried about was pain b/c I was so far along. He said that around 9 weeks it can be pretty painful and messy, but anything before 6 weeks is like a heavy period. He seemed to think I could handle it if I chose to forego the D&C. In the end, I did have the surgery the next day just b/c I really just wanted the whole process to be over with.

I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. I really am.

[MLA]

Gosh, miel, I don't know what to tell you. Both of my m/c's were very early, and I could have dealt with those while traveling (in fact I was in the car throughout the first few hours of my first m/c). It's not fun, but it was definitely doable. At a more advanced stage, though . . . well, I just don't know.

I'm so sorry you're going through this right now. Hugs to you.

[Sand]

ShelbyMay - I am so sorry. We are here for you whenever you need to chat.

Miel - I have miscarried naturally every time so I cant say what I'd choose, but I suppose the Dr is just concerned that there is simply the possibility something could be too much while you are in Mexico. Hugs to you.

I'll have a glass of wine with you Hiphopgirl, and I'm knocking on wood with you MLA.

kdopt - I'd call an RE. See if they will see you. Good Luck.

[GlamaGal]

Shelby, I'm so sorry. That's the worst (still feeling pregnant). I still find my hand resting on my stomach for brief seconds until my brain says to recoil and then my heart breaks again.

Miel- sorry you are in limbo. I didn't have a choice. I had to do a D&E for the stage of pg I was in (or I could have been induced, not an option for me). I wish I would have m/c early. Seems more natural than what had to happen.

I picked out a pretty, tiny urn for DDs ashes yesterday. It was hard but had to be done. I felt like, as her mother, I was taking care of her as best as I could by picking a reputable funeral home and making sure she'll be in a place where she will be remembered by us. I'm sure DH will avoid it. One day when we actually stay at a home for longer than 2 yr., I hope to spread the ashes in a special garden. God, I hope those are the only children's ashes I'll ever spread.

I also got my 4 mg folic acid Rx today. At least I have that in the works as part of my plan to TTC eventually. I called a friend's peri and he's only taking high-risk patients. I think we may get to see him if we call in a favor from one of our friends in a high place. Otherwise, do I see an RE even if my insurance doesn't cover it? Or I wonder if it covers certain services of an RE (bloodwork, sperm count, etc.) but not others (IVF, AI, etc.). Feel free to educate me if you know. I can call an RE in town, it's just that I still tear up so bad when I have to tell someone what happened.

[miel]

Shelby So sorry. Yes, it is such a hard thing.

Glama Oh, that is sad about the ashes but I hope it will give you some peace. She will be remembered and you are taking care of her.

Thanks for the information about the D&E. I'm going to try and hold the line and do it myself without intervention if at all possible.

[jesseybell]

ShelbyMay - I am so sorry that you have to join our group {HUGS}

[Annette]

shelbymay-I am sorry for your loss {{{hugs}}}
miel-I miscarried naturally at 8 weeks (the baby had resorbed so it was just an empty sac at this point), and when it started it was really heavy, clots and everything, but that ended pretty quickly. The next day or two was still really heavy, but I had passed everything. It lasted 8 days. The only issue I forsee for you is that since you can't wear tampons, you may not be able to go swimming if you're still bleeding.

sand-I echo your thoughts. I hope you get good news.

hiphop-sorry about AF

MLA-I'm glad your RE has a plan for you. I hope you get a BFP right away.

cr8zy-how's your hubby's leg?

ahavnes-waving hi.

glamagal-sending you {{{hugs}}} I hope the ashes give you peace too.

me: just chuggin along here in the 2ww. I hope I get a BFP, but also scared to m/c again. I'm just glad its the weekend.

[stacy654]

It has been a while since I have been here. I am sorry for all the losses lately. Many hugs!

I do have a question for you girls who have been TTC or have conceived after a m/c. Does temping/charting indicate anything between m/c (or d&c) and AF arriving? (i.e. temp drop)

[Lizzy]

shelby - I am sorry for your loss.

stacy - I'm not sure what you mean. Your first cycle after m/c will probably be a little wacky. My temp took about a week to drop to a pre-O level. Initially I thought I had a very short cycle becuase I bled a little between CD 21-23, then I ended up ovulating a couple days later. Here (http://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/lizaugust02) is my chart. It is a typical post-m/c chart only in the sense that it is atypical. ;)

[MLA]

shelbymay - I'm so sorry for your loss. Hugs to you. It's got to be hard to still feel pregnant. :(

glamagal - My heart breaks for you. I hope that having her ashes brings you some comfort.

stacy - I also don't know exactly what you mean, but your first cycle after a m/c is bound to be wacky. Both times that first cycle was completely weird for me, as was my first period post m/c.

Annette - My fingers are crossed for you.

[stacy654]

I'm sorry. I don't think I gave all the details. I guess a better way to ask the question would be - Does temping between a d&c and AF indicate anything? My temps seem to finally be dropping below or close to below my old coverline. Does that indicate pg hormones are going away?

My dr. gave us the go ahead to try again as soon as I have one cycle. Come on AF!!

[hiphopgirl]

Stacy - The temps between my D&C and my first period were really weird. There is no way I would have been able to tell anything about my cycle based on those temps.

shelbymay - I'm so sorry for your loss.

[WonderWoman]

Ok, I think I'm finally ready to talk about this. I miscarried in mid-November. It was all very hectic. I had seen my midwife once and it turned out she was a scattered old bat and her office was very disorganized (they kept losing my paperwork and bloodwork when we were trying to figure out if I had indeed miscarried). I had a missed miscarriage and ended up having what they called a spontaneous miscarriage later - basically, I passed everything naturally after one dramatic morning and a trip to the ER.

After that I tried to get out of the midwife's office and get an OBGYN, but it was a cluster and DH ended up having to follow the Dr. trail and got me in for a post m/c check up with a really cool OBGYN. So at least that had a fine outcome.

Now I'm just waiting for a period and two cycles after that to start TTC again. I think I'm ok emotionally, but I'm finding people are really nice about it at first and after a week they can't wait to tell you about their pregnancies/babies/etc. and other people want to be supportive but bring it up at awkward times...that's the hard part.

I actually found myself making baby announcements for a friend this week. I don't think she realized what she was asking me to do when she asked, but I'm such a wimp that I couldn't tell her I wasn't sure I was ready to do that for her. I mentioned I could do that kind of thing when she was talking about it, and that I would be happy to help with FUTURE projects...I was thinking next year's Xmas cards or something, but she asked and I did it. That was ... interesting.

Sorry for all of your losses. I've been lurking for a bit and I'm glad there are people out there who understand what I'm going through.

[cr8zyforaf]

Shelbymay - I am so sorry for your loss.


WonderWoman - I am so sorry for your loss. That was very nice of you to make the announcements for your friend - I don't think I could have done that.

AF came Saturday - with three days of spotting - is that a problem? So, it looks like the week of Christmas will the key week of this cycle...what a great gift that would be.

[jesseybell]

WonderWoman - I am so sorry for your loss and so sorry you had to deal with a screwy OB office, but now it sounds like you have a better one for next time around. I am sorry your friend wasn't very sensitive -that was very nice for you to make the announcements for her.

We went to our neighbors Hanakkah party this weekend. She is 25 weeks and has a 2 1/2 year old. I had told her not to feel bad that she is pregnant and I am not, etc. etc. But honestly, all she has seemed to do is complain through this whole pregnancy and I found that a little hard to take on Saturday night.

I am not sure, if anything, is going on with my body. I have been a little crampy the last few days, enough so that I've gone to the bathroom just to check, but nothing. I wouldn't expect anything as I am only 3 weeks past the D&E. I O on Day 22, but this is not O feeling either. Maybe it is nothing - I am just bloated and cranky, so if it isn't AF why is my body acting this way?!

[MLA]

WonderWoman - I was supposed to be a June mommy, too. I hate to see another one of us in this thread. :( I'm so sorry for your loss, and I'm absolutely amazed that you were able to keep it together and make those announcements. I don't think I could do that.

cr8zy - Maybe we'll be due date twins. If I get my period when I'm supposed to, I should be trying the week of Christmas, too. Let's keep our fingers crossed!

jesseybell - Gosh, I hear you. I hate to hear people complaining about pregnancy. It's hard to hear, when all you can think is, "What I wouldn't give to be puking my brains out right now." What a weird thing that is.

stacy - My temps were insane after my m/c's. I don't think there's much for you to really be able to analyze.

[GlamaGal]

WonderWoman- I'm sorry for your loss. It's amazing the people who think that you just got over it. Like, in their head, since you didn't "have" a baby, they think it's "nothing". I don't know what to say about these people...except ignorance is bliss. I can't believe your friend actually had you do that.

Jesseybell- AMAZING! Again, people just slay me when they don't think about others feelings. Do you find people feel like since you already have a child, that you shouldn't feel so sad about the loss? At least, I feel like people think that for me. When every mother knows (and I'm including all the ladies who have m/c but have no living children, as we know they ARE mothers) you love & wanted each child the same, born or unborn, they are a part of you forever.

Good luck for all of you TTC very soon here. I can't wait until I get the clearance for "takeoff". I go to my OB (the one I'm not too happy w/ but nonetheless I'm doing the f/u from the D&E with) this Thurs. morning. I have lots of questions and I'm having DH go too b/c I cry and forget what the answers were. I know she'll suggest 3 months for us to be on the high folic acid until we try. I just hope for sooner. There are like 8 babies (no kidding) who will be born spring around my DDs would be b-day, and if only I could have a little secret inside, that would be so wonderful.

[Sand]

Wonderwoman - I'm very sorry for your loss, and the debacle the midwife put you through. Good luck in your future TTC.
That was nice of you to make your friends announcements. I just took a good friends Belly Shots this past weekend. She wasnt sure if she should ask me (she checked with DH first). It was tough, but I made it through.

------------------
I had my appt to find out the results of our karyotype tests and conference about all the testing from the old RE.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with me/us.

So we're back to square one*. :\ Like I've said, double edge sword.

We are now onto a cycle of birth control pills, then the next cycle is injectables (5 days of giving myself shots in the legs and then one more shot at ovulation day.) whenever we're ready (we can also try just doing it on our own and seeing what happens). Its so damn expensive, but nothing compared to the cost of IVF - which is our next option if this doesn't work. There is a 50% chance of twins, but I'll take that if I can keep one healthy, and if its both - I'm done with this forever. :) Two for the price of one and I never have to do this again!

But there is still no explanation whatsoever as to why I've lost so many pg's already. Frustrating.

Basically what these shots do is to take my brain out of the picture. Meaning stress level and any breaks in the "do this ovaries" communication. I'm liking the idea of not having this pea-brain in the mix. ;)

*I started this process in Dec 2005. What a PITA.

[WonderWoman]

Thanks for all the support ladies.

MLA I recognized you and Stacy from the June Mommies thread. How you holding up?

So how long is everyone waiting to TTC again? The Dr. told me two cycles...but it's been 3 1/2 weeks and I'm not convinced I'm ever gonna have a period again. (Which is probably just me being dramatic, because I am having EWCM, so that means I'm back on track right?) Is anybody scared to try again? I keep telling myself I'm not, but even I know I'm lying.

[ShelbyMay]

As much as I would like to be pregnant again soon, we are probably going to wait a few months (5 or 6). :( This pregnancy was a surprise, and the timing would have been... stressful. DH will be able to spend a lot more time with us and a new baby if we wait.

[Annette]

Sand-I'm glad all your tests came back good, but I totally understand the double edge sword. I hope you get pg soon and that it's super sticky. I hear ya on the twins. I would love to be able to get it done with in one shot.

wonderwoman-So sorry for your loss.

glama-I hope you get the clearance soon.

jessey-Sorry that your friend complained all night long. That would bother me too.

I think getting back to TTC has definitely helped me move on emotionally. We last tried in July, got pg & miscarried in August and then it was getting tests done and everything. It's almost been a year since I got pg the first time. I am scared of getting a BFP, then losing it. I'm not getting any younger. Looking back and knowing that this has happened, I wish we didn't wait as long to start trying in the first place.

[jesseybell]

We were told to wait 8 weeks by my OB (regardless of # of cycles) but we are going to wait longer (I say that now) to avoid an end-of-the-year baby. Right now I am actually just wanting AF to be here. We haven't DTD yet because we hate birth control but not knowing what is up with my body we want to wait until after AF arrives and has left the house. I will also break out my fertility monitor at that point so I can at least chart (no temping now) to see if I continue to O around Day 22 like I have been.

Also the stomach bug has been going around and while I haven't gotten it, I have felt very nauseous the last week, which has just re-affirmed that I am not prepared to feel that way again anytime soon. I felt sick before I even got my BFP, felt okay for a week, and then felt sick for 9 weeks. I need a break from that!

I got an email from our genetic counselor just saying that she had 'good news' about my chromosomal blood work. When we found out there was something wrong (prior to the miscarriage) they took blood just to rule out my chromosomes being irregular since my mom had had so many m/c. We knew the liklihood of something being wrong was slim since we have a healthy child, it still feels good to have it verified.

[MLA]

Sand - I understand completely. I'm "perfectly fine," too. So, now I'm just going to try again and use progesterone and baby aspirin in the hopes that they'll keep me pregnant. It's so frustrating -- I was really hoping that there'd be something small wrong. Such a weird thing to wish on yourself, huh? I hope that your efforts end well.

wonderwoman - I'm holding up. Most days I'm fine, but it's almost always there -- sort of in the back of my mind. But it's not ruling my life any more. My doctor told me to wait one cycle - basically because the cycle after a m/c is so wacky that it would be hard to date an embryo. So after my first m/c, I waited one cycle and got pregnant right away on the next cycle. Unfortunately that didn't stick, either. So I started getting testing done, which meant that I’ve ended up having to wait 2 cycles to start trying again because I was waiting for test results. So starting next cycle, I’ll be ttc-ing again. And if I get pregnant again, I’m sure I’ll be a complete basket case. Ugh.

[ShelbyMay]

I'm considering going ahead with a D&C...:( The diagnosis was just 5 days ago, but the pregnancy was measuring 2 weeks behind, and still not the tiniest bit of spotting. The doctor said my hcg was at 48,000 on Friday, so I am thinking I would continue "feeling" pregnant for quite a while... Although there is still a tiny part of me that is in denial, I mostly want to move on, emotionally.

[kdotp]

I'm sorry you had to join us WonderWoman

Sand How frustrating! I mean, it's great the karotyping and bloodwork all came back normal, but some answers would have been nice, eh?

ShelbyMay I'm sorry you have to make that decision. Waiting is the worst. I think it can definitely help you move on. With my 2nd m/c, the Dr. wanted to wait 2 weeks before considering a d&e and I started spotting red about 10 days into that. It was nice to see my body finally responding, but it was a very bad experience necessitating a trip to the ER and I don't ever want someone else to go through that.

TTC again Because it was just a chem pg, we don't have to wait, though I'm not really feeling the TTC love this cycle. I think maybe we'll SWH, but I'm kind of hoping nothing happens and think I'll be more excited with the new year. Besides, I need a new thermometer to temp with anyway. :p

[firefly]

Alicia, Just checking on you. You should be testing again next week right?

Is that 4 more months for the all clear, (Cancer all gone?) or 3?

[GlamaGal]

sand- ugh! I completely understand the "if there was something wrong, it could be fixed". Somehow, last night I wound up on a health blog where a Dr. was answering questions about m/c. He said the 1st 4 pg. he fathered with his wife ended in m/c. But they went on to have 4 or more healthy children after that, no explanation. I thought, gosh, even an OBGYN couldn't help himself, but, they went on to be normal, reproducing bunnies! I hope this is your case.

ShelbyMay- I think you need a big {{{hug}}}. I was in denial too. For me, it was the only way to move on.

MLA- what does baby aspirin do? I have heard others say this and I have no clue (sorry).

Annette-
I'm not getting any younger. Looking back and knowing that this has happened, I wish we didn't wait as long to start trying in the first place. This is me right now. I'm 31, but DH is 43. We've been together since June of '98. I wish he'd have had his act together and married me a long time before Oct. '03! But, I can't go back and I really feel the way it happened for us is what has made us such a strong couple. I hope a sticky happens for you SOON.

twins- could all of us just get so lucky!?!

[hiphopgirl]

wonderwoman - I'm sorry for your loss. Sounds like your MW was a bit of a dingbat. I hope things workout better with the OBGYN

sand - I totally understand your frustration. I wish you had better answers.

ShelbyMay - I'm glad that you were able to make a decision. I hope it helps you get to the emotional healing part.

Annette - I know exactly what you mean about wishing you didn't wait. At 36 I think I'm older than most of you ladies and the clock is like a ticking time bomb.

GlamaGal - You didn't ask me, but I'm taking baby aspirin too so I thought I'd just weigh in. There are theories about blood clots causing problems in developing fetuses. Baby aspirin helps thin blood to reduce that possibility. I actually tested positive for MTHFR so that is one known source for blood clotting problems. My OB doesn't think that it is what caused my m/c's but I'm not willing to rule it out either. Baby aspirin is not known to cause any adverse affects so a lot of people just take it as a "just in case" therapy. Make sense?

I think I am going to actively TTC this month. I know everyone says that getting pregnant isn't going to make the sadness go away, but it will at least quell the anxiety I feel every month that goes by and I'm not pregnant. I was actually really disappointed that I got AF this month and that's what let me know that I was ready. I just hope that it doesn't take me a long time to get pregnant. As it is I will be at least 37 when a future baby is born. I'd rather not be any older than that. It still seems surreal to me that I should be getting ready to deliver a baby next month and I'm not even pregnant again. How can that be?

[Sand]

Thanks to all of you ladies for the frustration commiseration!! I'm tempted to just go it on my own with some baby asprin (I was told to do this anyway) and see if it works!! I figure its the same odds. ;)

When to TTC: I'd have to jump DH this week if I wanted to whirl it this month, so I think next month is going to be a SWH and then I'll do the injectables in Feb if it doesnt work.

[WonderWoman]

I find it odd, that I can't really talk about this with people. My mom told me tonight that when I'm mad this happened, she can't handle it. She wanted me to "cry for my baby"... but she doesn't get it, I don't cry in public, I'm just kind of pissed off right now. I was sad at the beginning and now I'm just sort of pissed. I'm guessing it's part of the grief stages. Is that weird?

MLA - Glad you're making some headway dealing with the emotional stuff.

So the baby aspirin helps with the clotting thing? My OBGYN says that most miscarriages are a result of a 3-gene disorder that automatically causes miscarriage. I can't remember the name...something or other 16.

[jesseybell]

WonderWoman - Being pissed off is definitely one of the steps (I hope cause I am feeling it too)

I am very excited about Christmas to spend it with DD, but at the same time I want to just get through New Years. I would have been having my big u/s next week and telling people on Christmas and being 1/2 way done on New Years.

Yesterday we had a holiday lunch with 2 of our groups at work - this woman was there whom I've never met except through e-mail. She is due in March with her third child and she was sitting next to me and all she was talking about to people around me was her pregnancy. I didn't drown my sorrows, but the coronas I had helped a little bit.

Oh yeah, the worst! A co-worker congratulated DH yesterday (he and I work at the same company). This co-worker sits near me and saw me yesterday. Did I look pregnant? Um, I don't think so. And he wasn't all apologetic when DH told him about the m/c. We don't like him anyways, now he really is on our crap list.l

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - Fingers and toes crossed for us both!!! I am hoping with both get the best gift ever this Christmas.

glamgal - How did your ob appointment go? I can imagine how hard it must be with all the pregnant ladies around you..I am sorry...and this statement made me cry - so true yet so many people don't get it:


When every mother knows (and I'm including all the ladies who have m/c but have no living children, as we know they ARE mothers) you love & wanted each child the same, born or unborn, they are a part of you forever.


sand - I am so sorry. I can't imagine how frustrating the 'there is nothing wrong with you/Dh and we have no idea why this has happened so many times' line is.

wonderwoman - my first cycle after d&c was wacky...I had EWCM for weeks - it took me almost 7 weeks to get af...which was horrible. I just wanted it to come so I could get on with it (and then DH had his accident and November was a bust).

annette - I hear you on being p*ssed for waiting so long to start trying...I just keep doing the math in my head - I feel like 40 is approaching faster than ever.

Jessy - that is good news about the test.

shelbymay - my heart just breaks for you. I was in the same boat and opted for the d&c because being in that limbo of pregnant/but not really pregnant was just awful...who knows how long it would have taken me to miscarry on my own. I am thinking of you and I know that you will decide what the right thing to do is.


I am very excited about Christmas to spend it with DD, but at the same time I want to just get through New Years. I would have been having my big u/s next week and telling people on Christmas and being 1/2 way done on New Years.

I feel the same way....seeing BIL's baby forces me to remember what I've lost..I just want January to hurry up and arrive.

jessy - people are asshats...

I am also taking baby asprin....and I am waiting for AF to end....after my d&c..my periods have been HORRIBLE. Not to be gross but it is so heavy - I had a 3 hour meeting yesterday and had to get up twice - it was awful. I am debating if I want to be a nut about ttc this cycle (I use OPK's) or if I should just relax and see what happens...oh, who am I kidding - of course I will be a nut!

[MLA]

ShelbyMay - I'm so, so sorry that you're dealing with this. Whatever you finally decide to do, I hope things go as smoothly as possible for you.


sand- ugh! I completely understand the "if there was something wrong, it could be fixed". Somehow, last night I wound up on a health blog where a Dr. was answering questions about m/c. He said the 1st 4 pg. he fathered with his wife ended in m/c. But they went on to have 4 or more healthy children after that, no explanation. I thought, gosh, even an OBGYN couldn't help himself, but, they went on to be normal, reproducing bunnies! I hope this is your case.

Well, that certainly does give me some hope, though I pray that I won't have to go through 4 miscarriages to get to a healthy pregnancy.


I find it odd, that I can't really talk about this with people. My mom told me tonight that when I'm mad this happened, she can't handle it. She wanted me to "cry for my baby"... but she doesn't get it, I don't cry in public, I'm just kind of pissed off right now. I was sad at the beginning and now I'm just sort of pissed. I'm guessing it's part of the grief stages. Is that weird? .

Not weird at all. It's very hard to talk about m/c w/people -- especially if they've not gone through it, themselves. And even if they have, it's not the same for everyone.



So the baby aspirin helps with the clotting thing? My OBGYN says that most miscarriages are a result of a 3-gene disorder that automatically causes miscarriage. I can't remember the name...something or other 16.
Yes, most miscarriages are caused by things that can't be changed, but once you've had more than one (like me and several other ladies in this thread), you often go through testing to find out if anything's wrong. In my case, all my tests came back normal, but the doctor still wanted me on progesterone (because my cycle history indicates I might have some progesterone issues) and baby aspirin (because not all clotting issues can necessarily be tested for).


MLA - Fingers and toes crossed for us both!!! I am hoping with both get the best gift ever this Christmas.
<snip>
I am also taking baby asprin....and I am waiting for AF to end....after my d&c..my periods have been HORRIBLE. Not to be gross but it is so heavy - I had a 3 hour meeting yesterday and had to get up twice - it was awful. I am debating if I want to be a nut about ttc this cycle (I use OPK's) or if I should just relax and see what happens...oh, who am I kidding - of course I will be a nut!
I know I'm probably going to be a nut, too. I'm going to try not to be, but it's going to be hard -- especially since I chart. Here's hoping that our nuttiness leads to sticky little Christmas embryos. :)

[cr8zyforaf]

Here is a question - is there a concrete link between progesterone issues and miscarriages? My OB told me no (I am convinced that might be my issue - I was on progesterone supplements with DD) but from the little bit of research I did, I think there is a link.

[ahavnes]

Just popping in real quick, but please know my thoughts are with all of you.

Wonder Woman-Your feelings are not weird at all. Even when I did cry, it's b/c I was pissed off as all get out. I just felt so mad that I had spent the last 3 months feeling sick "for nothing." I think that sounded harsh to a lot of people, but that's how I felt at the beginning. I even felt bad for not feeling more sad. It was weird.

Firefly- Yep, I'll be testing the week of Christmas. This is horrible, but I cannot remember how many months until remission! :o I think my last draw will be at the end of March or April, but I cannot remember which one! I guess I could always ask the doctor. :rolleyes: Thanks for checking in.

[MLA]

Here is a question - is there a concrete link between progesterone issues and miscarriages? My OB told me no (I am convinced that might be my issue - I was on progesterone supplements with DD) but from the little bit of research I did, I think there is a link.

Concrete? Not really. They're not entirely sure if low progesterone causes miscarriage or if low progesterone is just a sign of an impending miscarriage. It's a chicken or the egg sort of question. However, in my case, since I do seem to have progesterone issues that aren't related to pregnancy (i.e. during my regular cycle, my progesterone seems low - I have short luteal phases and breakthrough spotting), my doctor thought it might help to put me on progesterone. Does that make sense?

The fact is that they're not really sure how progesterone levels affect the pregnancy, but there's no harm in supplementing w/progesterone, so why not?

[Lolly]

Sorry to see the newcomers in this thread. I am thinking of all of you too.

shelbymay, I opted for a D&C as well. I had read that it could take weeks for the body to naturally miscarry. And I didn't want to still be pregnant, but really not be pregnant, you know? I had two more sonograms within a week after that first one and we could see that the sac was collapsing and really my doctor did them for me, so that I could 'see' that there was still nothing in there. I also opted for the d&c because I didn't want to wait. I wanted to have the procedure done so I could have a period, then try again right away. (BTW, that worked, but I'm still nervous about everything).

Wonder Woman, your feelings are valid and not weird at all. Heck, I was pissed too, and even more upset over losing my dog the week after my d&c than over the miscarriage. Then I thought I should feel bad for feeling that way. :rolleyes: You just can't help how you feel things.

[GlamaGal]

cr8zy- thanks for asking :) ...

I went to the OB with my 14 questions. She was even better than I could have hoped for, and, to sum it up, we'll be staying with her. She said with my next pg she will drag in the u/s cart every week if it helps me feel better- no charge. We are her first ever anencephaly case and she was heartbroken for us. She even brought it up to a fellow Dr. friend at a boards meeting, when he had said to her he had a bad week and she said, "you? No, listen to what happened to my patient." He confided in her that his wife, a nurse, had had an anencephalic baby in between three, living healthy kids. So her point to us was, even an OBGYN and a nurse went through this, and so like you they were dumbfounded as to how it could occur. She did recommend waiting three months being on the 5 mg folic acid before TTC again. I am agreeable to that, b/c she knows best. She recommended that we do a 15 wk. amnio and that can tell us w/out a doubt that all is well. I use to be against these, but, in our case, for our well-being, and with the risks not being as high as they used to be (given we'll be going where they're very experienced) it will be worth it. I guess the nuchal fold isn't necessarily for NTD (it's more for Trisomies) but, at the Level II u/s place the Dr. said it could likely have been detected on there (still, if we have a spina bifida, it may be too small to see at this stage). My OB is also setting up pre-conception genetic counseling to occur after our Holiday with the Dr. who diagnosed the NTD. She said he was pretty broken up when he called her to give her the news (I'm sure he was after seeing the two of us cry), and that it will probably be therapeutic to him as well b/c he'll feel like this time he's "helping us".

So I am happy to stay where I have been for 14 years with the dr. that I like (even though her office staff could be very much improved). I feel like I have a plan. I also feel confident knowing that I will get the attention that I very well deserve. Now I can relax.

WonderWoman- I had a tough time talking about the m/c with people. They assumed it was an "early loss" (at 5+ wk.) and so there was no point in telling most people that once you see a "+" sign on a HPT, you are already in love with the little bean.

[Lolly]

Glama, I'm so glad you feel better about staying with your doctor. And having a plan of action in place has to feel reassuring in some way. It seems that everyone is on board with making sure you are comfortable with everything they have planned to do for you, for when you get pregnant again. I will continue to keep you and your family in my thoughts :)

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - thanks..that was my take on the progesterone issue. I could kick myself for not demanding it with #2..but I guess i will never know if that was the cause.

glamagal - that is great news about the ob. I am so happy you have a plan to move forward that you seem comfortable with.

[MLA]

glamagal - I'm so glad you're happy w/your OB. It's so important for that relationship to be solid, I think.

**************************
x-post from LJ:
Okay, so I think I'm regressing a little bit. It seems like my m/c's are constantly on my mind lately. Last night DH and I went for a walk and did our usual Thursday night check-in (every Thursday we make sure that we talk about everything that's on our minds -- sounds silly, but it helps keep our relationship in good order). Anyway, he asked how I was doing, and all this stuff about the m/c's started coming up. I think it's because AF started yesterday, and so we're officially in the cycle where we'll start trying again. And I'm freaked out. Freaked out and mad. I'm angry that if I get pregnant again, I'll be a complete basket case. I hate that these losses have taken that sense of innocence from me. I know that no woman has a completely anxiety-free pregnancy, but women who've suffered miscarriages have a totally different level of anxiety, ya know? And I hate that. Hate, hate, hate it. It's not fair at all.

Thanks for letting me vent. Hopefully once AF's gone, my hormones will be in check again, and I won't feel quite so out of my mind.

[kdotp]

I hate that these losses have taken that sense of innocence from me. I know that no woman has a completely anxiety-free pregnancy, but women who've suffered miscarriages have a totally different level of anxiety, ya know? And I hate that. Hate, hate, hate it. It's not fair at all.
I feel the exact same way.

The chem pg seems to be affecting me more than I thought it would. I get jealous when I see pg ladies and sad when I see newborns. I'm doing a bang up job of drowning my sorrows in mint truffle Hershey's kisses, though...

[Sand]

I'm doing a bang up job of drowning my sorrows in mint truffle Hershey's kisses, though...

OMG those are a little chunk of heaven!!

MLA - I'm right there with you girl. Its bologna.

[Taylandra]

MLA- I know what you mean...Some days I feel on top of the world and just so sure about wanting to get pregnant. Then there are the days that I get mad b/c I'll worry about my pregnancy for who knows how long. I hope you get some peace soon!

[WonderWoman]

Thanks for validating my feelings ladies. I was starting to feel like I was Lewis Black, only my rant wasn't valid or funny.

MLA - thanks for the info on the aspirin. That's really interesting. I've never heard of that.

And your Thursday night check in is a great idea! We have what we call "State of the Union" talks every now and then, but it probably goes quicker when you have them every week. That's a great way to keep your relationship open and on track!

I think it's perfectly ok to mourn that loss of innocence. That seems very natural to me.

[ShelbyMay]

My body finally figured out that I am no longer pregnant. I started spotting yesterday afternoon, steadily spotted into the evening, and then had intense cramping and heavy bleeding last night and this morning. I am hoping the worst of it is over - If so, it was not as bad as I had feared. I guess the one good thing about a missed miscarriage is that my doctor had prescribed good painkillers to have on hand for when it happened. I needed those early this morning, but would probably be okay without them now.

3 questions:

- How long can I expect the bleeding to last?

- Is it normal to have an u/s to confirm that the tissue has passed? My doctor scheduled me for one in 2 days.

- When is it okay to have sex again? We're not TTC again soon, but I just want to feel the closeness, you know?

[Lizzy]

Shelby, here's what I know...

My bleeding lasted about 10 days. The last 5 or so were spotting.

I don't know if it's routine to have an u/s. I did not have one, but I am sure it's not a bad idea.

Everything I read said that it would be ok to have sex once the bleeding stopped.

Take care of yourself. I know I felt very exhausted during the m/c process.

[Jenzen01]

shelby - I'm glad to hear you've started the process (I didn't know how to phrase that, but I've been following your posts, and I know how bad limbo is).

I bled for about a week. The heavy stuff was off and on. The worst came during the night with cramping, and then I thought it was tapering off when I got hit with another dose of bad cramps and big clots. I think I was past the worst after a week.

I just checked my calendar, and I actually got my period back about a month later almost like nothing had happened. I'd say sex is fine as soon as you're done bleeding.

[Sophia]

Shelby, I bled about a week. I had an u/s to confirm everything had passed with both my blighted ovum miscarriages but not my chemical pregnancies. Honestly, I didn't really feel like having sex for a while after.

****

Ladies, I've been very down. It's been 4 months since I found out I was pg, and 3 months since my miscarriage. I'd be going on 22 weeks and would know the sex of the baby by now. The other night I broke down crying and DH had to comfort me. It just came out of the blue. I had given most of the baby gear and clothes to my cousin who had a girl recently--I just couldn't bear to have that stuff in the house anymore reminding me we wouldn't be needing it in April anymore and wouldn't be trying again. The other day we were at a family gathering and my cousin arrived with her baby in my DD's old infant car seat, and my eyes welled up. It's weird. I had already visited my cousin to see her baby and I was fine. But seeing her baby in *my* baby's carseat made me feel sick to my stomach. I just wasn't ready to deal with it, I guess. The finality of us not TTC anymore. The fact I wouldn't be needing that carseat anymore after all.

I still want another baby so badly. But not just any baby. I want the baby I lost in September. I had been calling her Ziggy. I was certain she was a girl, and we were going to vcall her Sylvia Jane. Unless I was wrong, in which case he'd have been Nicholas Daniel.

Sometimes I want to try again. But we had such an awful track record, and I'm working now at a relatively stressful job. And I feel too old.

I hate my body.

[miel]

Oh, Sophia. I'm so so sorry. I don't know what to say. I'm just really sorry. I wish I knew how to make it easier. Please take care of yourself. I'm 41 and I'm going to keep trying. I don't know for how long. A long time, I plan. I guess that is no comfort but you are probably not as old as me.

[cr8zyforaf]

sophia - I am so so sorry. I wish there was something I could say, but there isn't.

[GlamaGal]

Oh, Sophia! Some of your thoughts are just like mine. I wish I could give you a real hug. {{{hug}}} My cousin is due two weeks after my would-have-been due date and I wish I could loan her some of my stuff that won't be used for a while, but, I feel like that would be jinxing our TTC. You were so nice to do that (much nicer than me). Is your DH still not wanting to TTC again? I think about our road ahead, with a previous neural tube defect now in our history, and I sometimes think, "gosh, I'm brave or stupid to try this again". You're never too old. Seriously. My DHs clients are late 40s (her) and late 50s (him). He has 4 kids with a previous marriage that are almost 30. She never had any prior to this marriage. Well, she just delivered a healthy baby a month ago. We never even knew they were trying!

I hit a rough patch yesterday, too. I wrote about it over in the late term loss thread. It's been some crazy stuff going on lately. I think the Holidays don't make any of it better. DH and I decided that next year we'll call the 2nd half of 2007 the year from He**. Except for everything with DD...we cherish all her new developments and her birthday which occurred last month.

[Eric's Wife]

Sophia: sorry to hear about you being down. I know there is nothing that I can say to take away your pain but please know that we are all here for you.

[WonderWoman]

Sophia: Sorry you hit a super rough patch. (((((HUGS)))))

ShelbyMay- Is it easier now that your body is catching up to the rest of you? It was kind of a relief for me, somehow. They did give me an ultrasound to make sure everything had passed - I was actually in the ER - but they had already scheduled me for one. As I said in the missed miscarriage thread, I spotted for about a week and then everything passed in one crazy morning, it was dramatic and scary, but fairly physically painless. Since no one told me what to expect I kind of freaked out. Also, the Dr. put me on pelvic rest (no sex, no lifting) for two weeks until I could have a follow up appt. and they prescribed a medicine that made my uterus contract to get the rest of the blood out (there was a little left after the all the drama). Hope that all of our different experience help you prepare for yours.

[MLA]

ShelbyMay - I don't have answers for your questions, but I wanted to say that I'm glad things have started to progress so that you didn't end up having to make the D&C decision.

Sophia - I don't have the words to make you feel better. I can't imagine how the finality of seeing that carseat felt. My thoughts are with you.

[jesseybell]

Sophia - Big {{HUGS}} to you.

I am definitely having a harder time right now than I thought I would. I was doing so great, until I had a week full of holiday eating which left me with a pooch that made me look pregnant. I would be 18 weeks this week - I would have been having my big u/s and telling our families on Christmas what the sex was. Instead I find myself depriving myself of Xmas goodies this week to make my stomach go away. I did buy an angel ornament for our tree - I didn't tell DH what it means though. While he was very sad around the time of the m/c, I don't think he thinks about it. He is enjoying having his full-of-life/full-of-energy back for the time being. Not that I don't enjoy being that person too, I do get sad.

[kdotp]

ShelbyMay

The bleeding with m/c #2 lasted about 2 weeks from the time I started spotting red to the time I was done spotting. I think that was an unusual situation, though, as, like WonderWoman I spent time in the ER due to heavy clotting/bleeding/cramps.

I never had an u/s to confirm all the tissue had passed. I think they assumed with #1 it had all gone because my numbers were so low and with #2, as the ER doc had to dilate and remove what was blocking my cervix (causing the mini "labor" I was having) that they got it all.

I agree, it's okay to start having sex as soon as the spotting has stopped. Personally, I didn't feel up to it for a while.

Sophia {{{{}}}} to you.

[Sophia]

jesseybell, I'm so sorry. I know how you feel. My pooch makes me so self-conscious. Also, several teacher shere are pg and starting to show (I'd be as far along as them), and even a few students are pg (high schoolers). Every time I see a pg belly in the hall I want to scream how unfair it is. Especially when I see a student. Luckily none of *my* students are pg. *knock on wood*

Thanks, everyone. Cyber hugs really do help.

I'm 38. I know it's not too old to quit. My paternal grandmother had several of her kids, including my dad, when she was older than I am now. But I just feel so tired, you know? Emotionally as well as physically.

The decision to stop TTC was mutual. We would both be very happy to have another baby, but the emotional strain is just too much, especially for me. I don't think I could handle another loss. And DH can't stand to see how depressed and inconsolable I get.

The giving away of the baby gear and clothes had been my idea. When I felt in control of it, it was helping me feel better about things. But when I got caught off guard I felt out of control of the situation and it made me feel worse.

Another thing is that this is the time of year I had my first miscarriage, so my emotions are compounded because of that.

[miel]

Take care of yourself Sophia. I'll be thinking of you.

[hiphopgirl]

Sophia - I'm so sorry. I can't imagine how hard it is for you. I do know how hard it is to be around people who are at the same point in their pregnancy as I would have been. It sucks.

ShelbyMay - I hope things are easier after passing this awful milestone. It is hard to go through it, but I remember it got easier after it happened.

jesseybell - I am sorry about how you're feeling. I know for me the sadness seems to come in waves.

GlamaGal - I'm with you there. 2007 has been a pretty sucky year. All I can hope is that 2008 brings better things for all of us here on this thread.

[GlamaGal]

Sophia- that has to be HARD.

Jesseybell- My DH is same way. I did like your idea about the angel ornament..and yesterday I looked for the perfect one.

There are pg women and new babies EVERYWHERE in FL, as a constant reminder. I fake myself through everything...I suck in my belly so it's flat, I go to Starbucks and treat myself, I immerse myself in my daughter's Christmas, I tell myself it's ok I'm buying a new swimsuit even tho I should be in my maternity ones. I even tell myself a story behind each pg woman or baby, like, I bet they had a hard time conceiving, etc. To make me feel "not alone".

Then yesterday there's a beautiful story of the baby Jesus being told on the radio by a little girl and I just weep in my car. I want to fast forward to March so I at least have "some" control over something- getting pg. I guess when I get back home I can start charting and get an idea of when I'm Oing.

[ShelbyMay]

Sophia: I am sorry you're going through such a hard time. My brother and SIL gave us some of their baby things after a miscarriage (they have one surviving child) and I always thought it must be difficult for them to see our DD using them. We did always appreciate their generosity.

Question - Methergine?: I had an u/s yesterday and was told that the miscarriage was mostly complete, but there still a clot on my cervix. The doctor prescribed methergine. I have not gotten the prescription filled yet, and passed a very large clot this afternoon. Do you think I should still take the methergine, or wait and see if the bleeding slows down now? I don't really want to take it because I read online about some unpleasant experiences with methergine. Plus, I've only been bleeding for 5 days, and I don't think that is at all unusual... :confused:

Emotions: I actually feel okay right now. And then I feel guilty for feeling okay. And then I worry that I just don't realize how upset I am, and that it will all hit me later when I least expect it. I mean, I've cried, and I miss the baby and am sad that my pregnancy did not continue. But I feel like we are going to pull through this. We have supportive friends and family, and that has really helped. And I am so glad I have you ladies who understand what it is like.

[WonderWoman]

GlamaGal You and I get to start TTC at the same time. I get to try in March too. Maybe Feb. But I think we are gonna wait until March. We can support each other when the time comes. ;)

ShelbyMay I took Methergine. The Dr. told me there would be intense cramping and even prescribed vicodin and told me to get some midol in case it wasn't vicodin worthy. I got a note for work and took a couple of days off, just in case. But I had no side effects, like zero pain. I bled, but it wasn't bad.

The way the Dr. and then the pharmacist explained it me is that methergine causes the uterus to contract getting all the left over blood out. It won't "make you bleed" (which is what I thought it was gonna do) and it helps get the uterus back to "normal" size. Both of them told me not to be scared of it. (I was scared so I asked the pharmacist after the Dr. gave me his schpiel :) )

So should you take it? That's up to you. I felt like even by taking my medicine I was taking charge of the situation and being proactive. But if you feel hinky about it, talk to your doc again. It can't hurt to be as informed as possible about the side effects.

Period: As in I got mine. Exactly 31 days after my m/c and right on time as though I was right on cycle. I think it's good that my body just got back in the swing right? Bodes well for TTC. The bad part: HOLY COW! I've got cramps and I'm bleeding like a stuck pig. Is this TMI? The Dr. said I would have a heavy period, but I've never had one like this. More TMI: It's really clotty. Dark clots. It's kind of freakin' me out. But I'm just going with the flow (ha!) and think of it as one step closer to TTC and our baby!

[jesseybell]

Emotions: I actually feel okay right now. And then I feel guilty for feeling okay. And then I worry that I just don't realize how upset I am, and that it will all hit me later when I least expect it. I mean, I've cried, and I miss the baby and am sad that my pregnancy did not continue. But I feel like we are going to pull through this. We have supportive friends and family, and that has really helped. And I am so glad I have you ladies who understand what it is like.

This is me too. I have my periods of sadness but they don't last long. I relish in the *positive* things about not being pregnant, but then feel guilty.

WonderWoman - I am jealous you got AF on schedule! I am 33 days past my D&C so yesterday or day would have been the day. I really thought I was going to get mine (mainly due to irritability). But the irritability is probably just this time of year.

[GlamaGal]

WonderWoman- AH! Just by you mentioning that, I perked up! I'd love to be cheering you on to TTC. I hovered a little over in the TTC December thread a few days ago, just to see what the deal was. We'll have to join for March!

Jessey- I know..I tell myself, oh, at least you can have a drink now! And some of my gf's are going to Vegas in early March and I'm almost looking forward to going if I decide to. But really I'd rather be home treating my body like a temple in prep for TTC.

Shelby- I'd call your Dr. office. That way, you'll know what you should do for YOU, since your health (and uterus) is at utmost importance here.

I don't care when AF returns so long as it does so before March. Since I'm not allowed to TTC, she better stay away for a while and give me a break! Shoot, I'm still bleeding after my D&E. I also bled for 6 whole wk. after birthing DD.

[WonderWoman]

JesseyBell I'll keep my fingers crossed the cranky = AF for you this week! I guess since my m/c was natural it was like hitting the reset button. I got EWCM right on time (but heavier than usual) and then AF came (heavier than usual).


DH EMOTIONS:How's everyone's DH doing? Mine was mopey and now irritable. He seems distracted, but otherwise ok. Mostly he gets annoyed when people upset me.

[WonderWoman]

GlamaGal Good, I think we're both a little perkier now. It's nice to think I'll have a TTC partner (well, DH, but you know what I meant :) )

We are going to Vegas in January. It might be fun to get a little silly this time. After all this, I think I've earned it!

[jesseybell]

We have a trip planned to FL the beginning of February. We booked the tickets 2 days before we found out something was wrong. So what was supposed to be a baby moon will be more fun for me - we'll be with good friends watching the Super Bowl so I can drink and we'll be going to Busch Gardens so I can actually go on rides.

DH - I think he is okay. As I've said before, he really stepped up to the plate with DD while I was pregnant, so he is glad to have some help again (I would have been more help just due to the 2nd trimester but there still would have been a lot he had to do) though he knows his time will come again. Though DD will most likely be almost 2, so she'll be a little bit easier to take care of. But most importantly, I think he is happy to see me in good spirits. He's completely understanding when I get the occasional sadness.

[JMD]

JMD, 26
TTCing since Aug '07
Married: 8/10/02
M/C: 12/16/06, @ 5 weeks

Thanks to the ladies who told me to come over here and join. I probably won't be on here much - no time with my job. And, last night I had decided I wouldn't join because I felt pretty good all day yesterday (had an appetite, didn't feel imprisoned at work). But last night I dreamed I had a beautiful baby but then she or he (can't remember) was gone. And I woke up feeling so empty.

I know my miscarriage was early, but I had a lot of hope in that baby and being a stay at home mom is what I want to do in life (I'm an attorney by trade.) So, I'm working through this, but I guess some days, like today, will be set backs. I hope all of you are doing okay during this holiday season. I'm having my first post-MC beta drawn today. I'm hoping and praying it returns to 0 quickly. Thanks for the support and understanding.

[cr8zyforaf]

JMD - I am so sorry for your loss. It is a horrible experience no matter when it happens and I am sorry you have to go through this.

Jessy - the trip sounds like fun. It sounds like you are doing well.

wonderwoman - great news about AF returning on schedule. My first two after the d&c were horrible - very heavy, lots of clotting (sorry for TMI)...My ob told me that was 'normal'.

shelby - sorry, I know nothing about methergine. It sounds like you are doing well and have a great outlook on things.

Happy Holiday to everyone..I hope 2008 brings many BFP's our way!!

I expect to ovulate on Christmas....I am praying for a BFP but I think I will be OK if this isn't our month. I do have a lot to be thankful for and I am trying to focus on that.

[GlamaGal]

DH- As if nothing happened. When he tells other people now it's as if he's talking about someone else's baby. He's back to teasing me & joking like normal and I'm not ready for it yet.

JMD- sorry for your loss. You'll be suprised by the wave of emotions. Especially if you TTC again soon and it takes a little while. I was month-to-month w/ my m/c living life in those 2 week waits. We'll be here when you have time!

Cr8zyforaf- I hope it's your month!!!

[MLA]

JMD - I'm sorry for your loss. Be prepared for a range of emotions. Sometimes you'll feel absolutely fine. Other times you might feel sad or angry or scared or a whole host of other things. It's all normal. My m/c's were both early, but the loss is still real. I hope you find some comfort in this thread. The ladies here have been life savers for me.

cr8zy - I'm thinking I'll ovulate on the 29th. Here's hoping we both get good little Christmas presents this year!

[WonderWoman]

Cr8zy AT this point, I've had so many people up in my parts, so many people share their own experiences (whether I wanted to know, like here, or not , like DH's Xmas party) and talked so openly with so many doctors about the consistency of every fluid in my body that I don't really believe in TMI anymore. :) It's all just information. So thanks for telling me that the first two were icky. That's good to know. This one I was prepared for, the next one would have freaked me out.

Cr8zy and MLA Keepin' the fingers crossed for both of you on Xmas!

JMD Sorry you had to join the club, but we're here if you need us.

[hiphopgirl]

" AT this point, I've had so many people up in my parts, so many people share their own experiences (whether I wanted to know, like here, or not , like DH's Xmas party) and talked so openly with so many doctors about the consistency of every fluid in my body that I don't really believe in TMI anymore."

Wonder Woman - LOL, that is so true. :)

JMD - I'm sorry for your loss. I'm glad you are feeling okay, but just like GlamaGal and MLA said, it can sneak up on you. When that happens, we're here for you.

Cr8zy and MLA - I think I'm going to ovulate on Saturday or Sunday. I am right there with you. We need to cheer each other on during the 2WW. Let's all ask Santa for a BFP this Christmas* :)

*Technically the BFP won't show up until after Christmas, but you get my drift ;) The funny thing is that it looks like I'll be testing (if all goes well) on my mom's birthday so maybe it will be a birthday present to my Mom that she gets another grandchild.

[GlamaGal]

hiphop & MLA- good luck!

[MLA]

Awesome! I really hope all three of us get BFP's this month. I'm not going to stress over it, though. I'd originally thought I'd not be able to try again until January, so December's a gift, really. But it would be awesome if all three of us could be in the same mommy group with super sticky babies. :)

[cr8zyforaf]

Thanks for all of the support.

MLA and hiphop - yes - it would be fantastic if all of us could be in the same mommy group...I will think good thoughts for both of you for the next few weeks.

[Sand]

JMD - I'm sorry for your loss. My m/c's were all early and I was crushed with each one. Its no difference (to me) whether its 5wks or 15wks...it hurts. I hope we can be a support to you.

Good luck to those waiting for BFP's this month and next!! Happy Holidays!

[akacharlotte]

Hi ladies. I'm just checking in real quick. I'll have to catch up later. I am sorry to see the recent losses in this thread. :(

We saw a new OB/GYN last week. She is much more proactive than my old doctor and I'm very happy with her. She tested my prog. levels at CD23 and they were only 1.9! Next cycle we will begin Clomid and if my prog. remains low at the CD21 blood test than I'll require prog. supplements as well.

I was hopeful we were sucessful this cycle but after receiving the prog. results not so much. I still may test Monday or Tuesday.

Happy Holidays!

[WonderWoman]

Just wanted to wish you all a happy holiday and send a little Christmas magic to the three of you hoping for BFPs!

[GlamaGal]

Merry Christmas!

May next Christmas be better for all of us. I'm wishing for BFPs for everyone waiting for one, and especially for me in the new year!

[Annette]

Just wanted to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and I hope that we can all find some peace this Christmas season and in the New Year.

I hope that for those of us who have or get BFP's that we have healthy pregnancies and next Christmas to celebrate with our new bundles of joy.

[Eric's Wife]

Well I broke down and tested today......and I got a faint BFP!!!!!! Of course my mom is very cautious and is afraid to get excited until I hit the 3 month mark. Merry Christmas to everyone!!!

[stacy654]

Just checking in on everyone... I have been lax in posting - mostly a bad funk, and it really has been hard. I felt like I was on the upswing, and then my world seemed to crash around me again. one day at a time right?

Wonderwoman - AF found me right on time too. I haven't experienced the heavy flow, but the most intense cramps I have ever had. To the point last night I was searching for the left over pain pills from my d&c. Today feeling much better though.

I will be trying again in January, as the dr. thought we would be just fine. I am excited to try again!

[MLA]

Congratulations, Eric's Wife! I'm sending all sorts of sticky vibes your way! :)

[Eric's Wife]

Thanks MLA: I'll never forget that you were the one who first offered your advice and support when I went through the m/c.

[GlamaGal]

Eric's wife: congrats!!! What a wonderful Christmas present.

[Annette]

Erik's Wife-What a great Christmas present. Congrats!

[Sand]

Congratulations Eric's Wife! H&H 9mo's to you!

[cr8zyforaf]

Ericswife - CONGRATS!!! What a fantastic Christmas gift!!

[WonderWoman]

Ericswife Congrats!

Stacy Congrats on AF finding you on time. That's a good thing - means your body is getting back to normal. Sucks about the cramps. I had 'em too...OUCH! Good luck with January TTC.

[hiphopgirl]

Congrats Eric's Wife! I hope you have a happy and healthy nine months.

Sorry you are feeling down stacy654. It does come in waves. Sorry for the bad cramps. Good luck in January.

I am officially in the 2WW. I am trying hard not to obsess. Wish me luck with that :D

[MLA]

Wish me luck with that :D


I'm wishing you all sorts of luck! :D


Stacy - Sorry about the cramps. My first AF post m/c was like that. Actually, my 2nd AF was, too.

[DansGirl]

Congrats Ericswife!!

[jesseybell]

Congrats Ericswife! What a great Xmas present.

39 days post-D&E and no AF :( I was really hoping it would be here by now.

[cr8zyforaf]

hiphop - good luck...

jessybell - I am sorry - it took almost 7 weeks for me to get AF....waiting for my body to get back on track was just horrible.

I am in the 2ww...I think I o'd yesterday.

[GlamaGal]

39 days post-D&E and no AF I was really hoping it would be here by now.Jesseybell- ^you are scaring me! ;) Well, since I have to wait to TTC for three months anyhow, maybe, for me, this would be ok.

stacy- that sucks! Invest in some disposable heat pads. Dang I love those ones that stick to the outside of your panties. Sometimes I put one on for my back, too!

[Sophia]

I can be reached at http://sophiadp.livejournal.com/profile

MLA can be reached at http://therealmla.livejournal.com/profile

[cr8zyforaf]

sophia - not sure what is going on but I friended you both.

Here is my LJ link

http://cr8zyforaf.livejournal.com/

[DansGirl]

jesseybell: I hear you. It took nearly 10 weeks for my AF to return. I'm still BF DD though, so I think that had something to do with it. I called my OB/GYN at 7 weeks and his nurse said they don't get 'concerned' until 12 weeks - whatever that means. :rolleyes:

___

So I'm confused, are Sophia & MLA no longer here. MLA was one of the the great CC'ers that encouraged me to join this thread after my loss. :confused:

[cr8zyforaf]

dan'sgirl and Jessey - my doctor told me they don't get concerned until 6 months - that in my opinion is just nuts.

MLA and Sophia - something happened and they got blocked out. I don't think they will be allowed back.

[cr8zyforaf]

Cut and paste this into your browser to get more info about the banning - I still don't understand what happened:

community.livejournal.com/wc_on_lj

[Sophia]

I'm still here. I added my own info just in case.

[DansGirl]

Thanks for the link, but I still don't understand. I'll miss them here.

[DansGirl]

I'm still here. I added my own info just in case.

Oh, good. :) Am I the only one who's feeling out of the loop? And this time I don't think its just b/c I'm blonde. :p

[hiphopgirl]

I'm still around, but here's my LJ info just in case CC goes down:
http://jlormberget.livejournal.com/

Just let me know if you friend me, and I'll friend you back.

[GlamaGal]

cr8zy- Thanks for the info! It really ticks me off that MLA is no longer allowed on!!

I have an LJ but I don't attend to it much, if at all. I am still glamagal over there: http://glamagal.livejournal.com/

I'll "friend" anyone from this m/c thread.

[ThreeYell]

I've been taking a break from miscarriage stuff lately, trying to see if it would help my stress level. I still read and think of all of you.

I'm not on LJ but if someone knows her, please tell MLA that I'll miss her, both here and in politics. And someone please let me know when she has the healthy, happy baby that I know is coming her way soon.

[GlamaGal]

ThreeYell- Missed seeing you on here. I *thought* maybe you were doing that....when I myself was thinking maybe I should take a break.

Hope you're well.

[Jodi AKA BostonTeacher]

Hi Everyone,

Hope all is well.

Congrat's to Eric's Wife. It's so nice to see great news in here.

I am confused by the recent posts and couldn't really follow the info on the link.

So it has been 45 days (7+ weeks) since my D & C. About 2 weeks ago I had what could be considered EWCM/watery CM that I was hopeful meant that I would be on track for my period to return.

On Christmas Eve I started spotting. In the TMI category...basically a couple of times when I would wipe after peeing there would be 'something' on the TP. I say 'something' because it varied. At first it was dark brown and stringy. Then nothing. Then the next day the paper was slightly tinged pink where the urine was in the morning. Later that day there was some more of the very dark brown stuff (only 1 or 2 spots each time). I also had some cramping. I assumed my period would come on full force that day or the next, but since then there has been nothing. Not a single spot.

Could that have been considered my period?

I looked up "implantation bleeding" just out of curiosity. It was described as being very much like I experienced and we have had unprotected sex, but I really don't think I am pregnant. I did take a test b/c I happened to have one here and it was negative. I suppose in the rare chance that I had conceived, the spotting would have been 9 and 10 days afterwards and the 2 week mark would be today or tomorrow so it probably wouldn't show up on an hpt, but I'm puzzled by the spotting/pseudo-period. The other thing that is odd is that today I have been feeling a lot of "pressure" in lower abdomen area. It reminds me of how I felt in the weeks prior to delivering my son, but I have never experienced it otherwise. It's not crampy. Just a weird pressure.

I wanted to start charting when my period resumed. The doctor said my 1st period after the miscarriage would possibly be different than usual, but he made it sound like it would be much heavier. Would you consider the spotting to be CD1 and start charting from there or wait it out and see if a heavier flow kicks in?

[Sand]

I cant comment to any of MLA's posts over on LJ, but I'd like to still cheer you on MLA if you're able to get this message. I'm sand_ over there.

[GlamaGal]

Jodi: When I was pg w/ my angel DD my AF was like that. It was even pinkish in color and so I thought, oh, I got my period, b/c it lasted a few days like yours did (CD22 and CD24-and I had had a m/c only a few cycles earlier). Well, I was in fact pg and tested on CD 26 and it was +. We conceived on CD 12. I'd test again in a few days. I'm sorry about your loss.

[jesseybell]

I think I spoke too soon :) 41 days post D&E AF appears to be here.

I've been expecting AF for almost 2 weeks because I've been extremely cranky (poor DH!) but I also attributed it to the time of year. Driving home today I was cursing a slow driver and laughing to myself that AF better be coming because I don't like acting like this.

Mild TMI coming up....I felt sort of crampy. There was pink when I wiped, but nothing on the tampon when I put it in. A couple of hours later I pulled it out - only a tinge of brown, but something!

I plan on pulling out my monitor tomorrow morning. More so we can avoid (or to see if I even get a Peak). I get superduper "amorous" during O, so I'd like to know that that is why so we can use protection (yuck) or do other things. I usually O around Day 23 so that would be about 9 weeks post D&E and a mid-October baby. Not the worst thing, but I am physically and emotionally not ready.

[Sand]

...Would you consider the spotting to be CD1 and start charting from there or wait it out and see if a heavier flow kicks in?

I've often wondered this myself. (Actually right now is the strangest AF i've ever had) The Dr's office said the first day of bright red flow is day 1, not, um, leftover old brown stuff. Now I'm aware i'm not the most helpful person in the world right now because I can only GUESS that means that old with slight pink bleeding is NOT day one.

Can you start charting like you've had D1, but then modify it later if the heavy starts?

[akacharlotte]

Jodi-I'm not sure what to tell you. After the miscarriage was over I stopped bleeding for a week or so but then I started spotting and that lasted for awhile. My m/c was early on however. My official period after the mc was fairly typical.

The uncertainty after a m/c or D&C makes it so difficult. You just want your body back to normal so you can move on. I hope you get an answer soon.

[Taylandra]

Well, I don't really use LJ since the friends I originally had over there don't use it anymore and I'm not that great with it...But I'm http://taylandra.livejournal.com/ over there in case anyone in the miscarriage/TTC group would like to friend me. Can't say I'd be there much, but maybe I'll actually learn how to use LJ on of these days!

Jodi- Sorry you are having question marks as to your cycle...I wish I could be more helpful, but I am not that knowledgeable about this stuff myself. I'll be hoping you get an answer soon though!

[WonderWoman]

I have no idea what's going on. I really only hang out here and in the New Mexico thread I created. I got kind of burned when I made a mistake and cross posted so I just hang out where people are nice. Can anyone tell me what's going on?

I used to have an LJ account, but I don't think I could remember my username if my life depended on it. I have a journal on WC, PM me and I'll tell you who I am over there.

I miss MLA, she and I were in the Junebug group before the m/c.

[WonderWoman]

Back to regular topics.

Jessey - Yay for AF showing up FINALLY!

I had brown and pink spotting for about a week before AF showed up (post m/c), but that's normal for me. TMI ALERT: I get EWCM, then colored discharge - brown or pink - then AF. So mine was "normal" in that respect. But my bleeding was way heavy and my cramps were way harsh. Wish I could help you more with a better answer. :)

[jesseybell]

I almost recinded my post about AF - last night was just brown stuff and nothing over night so I thought maybe it was a fluke. Finally started red after being awake for 3 hours. So I'll mark today at CD1, though it is too late to turn on the monitor (and I need to reset it as well :( )

[WonderWoman]

That's a good thing! Yay for a real, full on period. Hope you're stocked up on some ibuprofen and whatever else makes you feel comfortable and pampered. :)

[Mrs.Chappy]

Hey guys,, i check back on this thread often but don't always post. What happened to MLA?? she was such a support for me 8 months ago during an awful time in my life! I'm thinking of you all.

[kdotp]

CD 1 for me today, too. On to better things next year. :)

[GlamaGal]

kdotp- awesome! I wish you well.

MrsChappy- apparently she was one of a group of people who are now banned. If you're on LJ, you can read about it more over there. I know very little myself. I'll miss her here, too.

me- DH and I are like two disgruntled teenagers having to use *protection* during this time so we don't conceive. How odd for a couple who's been together for almost 10 years (married 4+). Well, it's laughable.
Also, I really hope if AF strikes while I'm still here, she gives me proper warning.

[Mrs.Chappy]

Thanks Glama, i'm not on LJ but i'll look into it. glad you are finding humor in using protection..(though it was under different circumstances)that's how i felt after DS was born while i was nursing and couldn't go on the pill. I bought diapers in one hand and condoms in the other to the teenage cashier at CVS. She looked at me funny. It was like me saying, "if you don't use these, you will need these" !!

[WonderWoman]

Glama - I hear ya on the condom use...it's kind of like what's the point?! Maybe spice it up a little, if you must use protection ... then DTD in the car. If we must act like teenagers, lets act like teenagers (or very responsible young adults - if that's more like it). :)

[JMD]

Hi everyone, I hope you are all finding ways to enjoy the holidays. DH and I are up skiing - sharing a condo with 13 people and a bedroom with 4 - so not much privacy. But, I got super excited yesterday because for the first time since going off the pill - I actually had real EWCM. A big glob (sorry TMI but I was so excited I wanted to jump up and down). There was a bit of tan spotting also - which I occasionally have with O.

Has anyone had this happen after a MC - meaning having your body work how it is suppossed to? I don't think I've O'd yet - but it's right around the time of my normal O in a normal (non-post MC) cycle. Anyways, I just felt like sharing happy news. Have a great day everyone.

[WonderWoman]

Glad you're body is working like it should.

I got right back on schedule. 31 days after m/c, af showed. I had the big glob of EWCM...

TMI alert: I wiped and when I saw it kind of freaked out and showed it to DH...it was the "come here look at this ... what do you think it means?! EW!" He's pretty good about things like that. Very laid back, when i was bleeding during the m/c (like all over the bathroom and it looked like someone had been slaughtered) he was great! I thought he was gonna faint, but he was such a trooper. One of things I love most about him.

[GlamaGal]

JMD- after the m/c, I think I got right back on schedule. My schedule, of course. Which is wacky. Good for you. I remember thinking, at least my body did something right.

[hiphopgirl]

JMD - That's great that your body is working just like it should. It's the small things you need to enjoy :)

jesseybell - I know it's kind of a bummer about AF, but at least this means your body is doing what it supposed to. Just knowing that it is doing that correctly should give you some peace of mind.

WonderWoman - That is so funny. I think my husband would divorce me if I had ever done that to him. Your DH is a trooper :)

I don't know what to think about the way my body is acting right now. I'm not temping because I thought it would keep me from obsessing too much. However, now I am over-reacting to every twinge. I have been getting light cramps on my right side. I think that means that AF is on her way :( I am not calling it yet, though. Thursday is 12 DPO. I usually have a 9-10 day LP. That means that AF should show up today or tomorrow. If not, I will test on Thursday.

[Jodi AKA BostonTeacher]

hiphopgirl: Good luck with the testing. :)

I just wanted to pop in and wish everyone a HAPPY NEW YEAR! May 2008 bring everyone all they dream of. It'll be nice to start fresh.

[ThreeYell]

I wanted to wish everyone a happy new year, too. I think DH and I will be doing a happy dance at midnight when 2007 is finally over.

Come on, 2008 babies!!!

[cr8zyforaf]

JMD - that is great that your body is back on track.

wonderwoman - that is funny. I think DH would pass out.

I am just waiting...I think I miscalcuated my O.....so I am not getting my hopes up - plus I have a ton of clumpy stuff coming out of me on and off - what the he11 does that mean..I've never had good CM.

Happy New Year to all - hopefully, a better year for all of us!

[WonderWoman]

Hiphopgirl - Good luck!

Yes, ladies, my DH is a trooper. He pretty much rolls with whatever goofiness I dish out.

Happy BFP-filled New Year!

[GlamaGal]

Happy New Year! I hope I get a child with an 08 birthdate!!

AF showed up today. I had some cramps and thought it was a stomach-ache and then I was like, oh, no...I know what this is. Anyhow, I'm glad I am not having to wait like 7 weeks or anything. That would have given me anxiety.

[hiphopgirl]

Oops, that last post was a bit self-serving. I meant to end it with a wish for a Happy New Year. I hope we all have a great 2008, and that we have no new members*

I also hope that those of us who are waiting to test have BFP's this month. I also hope that those who haven't yet started TTC get BFP's when they are ready to get them.

GlamaGal - Wow, that's impressive. I can't believe your body bounced back so quickly. I hope that means good things.

cr8zyforaf - I never seem to get CM until after I O. What the heck is that all about? I hope that it doesn't mean anything other than implantation or something like that - for you.



* of course new members are always welcomed, what I mean is that I hope no one has a reason to join this thread.

[firefly]

Happy New Years, I hope you all get your 08 babies!!

Alicia just checking on you hope your still in the "all clear"

[Taylandra]

Happy New Year ladies! Here's to 2008 bringing us healing and baby dust!

Glad to hear that some of you are finally getting AF-I hated waiting after the miscarriage for that to happen.

I'm 12DPO and waiting to figure out what's going on. I tested the last two days, but not this morning, and those were negative. I bought two tests today, so if AF doesn't arrive by the time I wake up tomorrow, I'll be testing again.

Cr8zyforaf- Sorry that your body is not cooperating with nice CM or figuring out your O date. Cr8zyforaf's body, listen to her and be nice!

Good luck to the other ladies testing!

[ahavnes]

Happy New Year! Here's to having a better 2008 for all of us. :) I know for sure I won't have a 2008 baby b/c of my tumor (won't be in remission until April at the earliest), but I'm ok with that. Being preggo still scares the crap out of me anyway. It's kind of ironic that this whole pregnancy/miscarriage/tumor thing has taken a full year. If everything goes well, I will be done testing in April, which is the month I got pregnant last year. That's one long process! :o

I won't be posting much in this thread b/c I really don't feel like I have any issues related to the m/c. I don't feel sad around pregnant women-even women who are due in February. As my due date approaches (February 5th), I really don't even have a sense of "what would have been." The only lingering effect I have (other than the physical necessity of testing my blood each month) is a huge fear of getting pregnant again. So, I am going to distance myself a little bit in hopes that I can focus on the positives of carrying a baby again.

I will check in occasionally to see how all of you are doing, and please know that I wish you all the best in 2008!

firefly-The number this month came back at 1. :rolleyes: I think it was "below one, but not zero" last month. The OB says it's still ok. Funny thing though, the poor nurse read the orders wrong and thought that I was in full remission and that I was done testing. She was so happy for me. I was kind of in shock. But then she called back about 2 minutes later and said that she read the OB's orders wrong and I am not officially in remission. I have to keep going back until the end of March. Oh well. Honestly, I really could care less how long it takes as long as I can avoid the chemo. I'm not ready to TTC anyway. :o Hope you're doing well!

[GlamaGal]

I hope no one needed this thread while we were down.

Hope everyone else is well!

[ThreeYell]

I was thinking the same thing, GlamaGal. How's everyone doing in the new year?

When I went to acupuncture yesterday, my acupuncturist told me that the problem we've been working on isn't responding as well as she would like and she wants us to stop TTC for a few months so she can try some stronger herbs and acupuncture points. This was not what I wanted to hear. We've been TTC for 5 cycles and it's been 7 cycles since the miscarriage. I want to be pregnant again ASAP. We had already decided to make an appointment with an RE next month. With the acupuncturist suggesting a pretty drastic course of action, I decided to go ahead and call the RE. If I have things bad from a Chinese medicine POV, I'd like to hear what Western medicine has to say. They had a cancellation next week so we have our initial consult on Thursday. Yikes! I can't believe it's so soon.

[GlamaGal]

ThreeYell- Well, that's not fun news now is it? Hmmm. I think it's lucky and maybe for a reason that you're getting in to the RE so quickly.

Actually, reading your post made me re-remember that last time we had some trouble conceiving I was going to try acupuncture b/c of you. I'm a little scared tho.:eek:

[Mrs.Chappy]

Hi guys..
just wanted to say i'm thinking of you all. We spend the day with DS and another family who has a child the same age as DS. Its DH's colleage from work and his wife. The mom lost twins girls at 19wks. Just spending time with her was bittersweet. I initially felt awkward b/c i'm pregnant again and her due date would have been this month. (we asked them prior to our playdate if it would be awkward for her to be around me and my belly). She said to me that she felt comfortable with me b/c we both suffered l oss (though hers seemed sooo much more tramautic than mine). She had to push the girls out...the births were 8 hrs apart. Nonetheless, i feel oddly comforted by bonding with her. I haven't been able to share about the m/c with anyone my age IRL. She is already talking about trying one more time and if it doesn't work out she said she is comfortable with one child. Meanwhile her first one was born at 29 weeks and is doing great (he's 2.5 yrs). She said i give her hope. I guess that made me feel good. I confessed that i s till cry and grieve f or our loss but i'm moving on and will never forget. She said the same thing and that she is just trying to get through the next month then look towards the future. Not sure why i'm sharing all this.. maybe its a story of hope. Hang in there.

[cr8zyforaf]

threeyell - sorry, I can't even imagine. Please keep us posted.

Ahavens - it sounds like you are in a really good place.

mrschappy- thanks so much for that story - she sounds like a very strong women.

glamgal- I was thinking the same thing...I missed checking in on everyone.

Me..nothing..2WW...I had some pretty strong pregnancy symptoms the other day - I broke down and took a test yesterday - BFN....and now I feel like all the symptoms were in my head. I hate my body right now. I was convinced I was pregnant.

[hiphopgirl]

Mrs Chappy Thanks for the story. It was nice to read.

ThreeYell - That is awesome that you are getting in to see an RE so quickly. I am keeping my fingers crossed that Western medicine has something that can help you.

Ahavens - You probably won't see this, but I am glad you are at peace for the most part.

GlamaGal - I hope so too, but more than that I hope it will be a long time before anyone new needs this thread.

cr8zyforaf - I'm not counting you out just yet. You did say that it takes a long time for you to get a BFP.

However, I am counting me out. AF showed up on Thursday :( I'm bummed that I won't be pregnant on my due date. As I mentioned in my journal I will probably be actively trying on my due date. Maybe that will take my mind off of it.

[WonderWoman]

One more AF 'til I get to get back to trying. Counting the minutes. I'm supposed to O this week, while I'm on vacation - a souvenir might have been nice, but Dr. says not for 2 cycles...so I'm sitting this one out. Sigh.

hiphopgirl & cr8zyforaf Darn it! I was crossing my fingers so hard for you both! I'll just keep 'em crossed that it will happen next month.

[JMD]

Happy New Year everyone!

Wonder Woman Yay for almost being done waiting! Have fun on your vacation.

Well DH and I didn't exactly "try" this month...meaning no temping/opk's/etc. But, we did BD around fertile cm and O pain times. So, who knows! The doc. gave us the okay to try right away. I am going pretty crazy though because I feel like if I get a bfn I am going to relive the sadness of my m/c all over again. So, I'm a bit of a mess this TWW - can't think about anything else (whereas before the m/c I was finally becoming able to work for a few hours straight without analyzing symptoms). Other than that, I'm doing okay coping.

I hope you are all doing well and having a good new year.

[GlamaGal]

Wonderwoman- hey, that's a neat way to think of it. Only one more AF. If only that could be *true* for me. I guess wonders never cease... Let's not forget to join the March TTC thread together!

HipHop, Cr8zy- sorry about no BFPs! ugh!

JMD- thinking of you. I know...it can drive you nuts. Someone else pointed me to www.twoweekwait.com. Don't know if that helps.
================================================== =============

I need to order HPTs online. I need to take one before we TTC b/c I have no idea if HCGH is still in my body. ?? How horrible would that be to think I was pg but it was just leftover hormone from the last pg. If my AF is like before, I'll be TTC that first week of March. Unless I get the early go ahead, but I doubt it.

[stacy654]

Just checking in on everyone.

I am offically in the 2WW, but not really letting my mind get wrapped up in things. This is my first cycle TTC since the m/c, and it seems bittersweet.

[cr8zyforaf]

JMD - I have my fingers crossed for you.

Stacy - I have my fingers crossed for you.

glamagal - that is a good idea to take a test just to make sure all of the hormone is gone.

wonderwoman - only one more period - that is great.

Me...I am still waiting...I swear I am pregnant - don't know if the symptoms are all in my head because I want this so badly. I feel just like I did when i was pregnant with DD..achy, sick, tired, boobs are big..but I am getting BFN..I am only 12 DPO and I've never gotten a BFP before 14 DPO. Who knows. I can say - I had none of these symptoms with the baby I lost - and I spotted (which looking back I thought was implantation spotting...but it probably wasn't a good pregnancy from day one).

Please keep me in your thoughts..if this is all in my head, I will be devistated.

[cr8zyforaf]

PS..I wanted to let you gals know that MLA got a BFP yesterday - she is going to the RE for a blood draw this afternoon. Please keep her in your thoughts!

[Sand]

**Good luck and fingers crossed for those waiting right now!**


Sweet Jeebus...It hit me like a mammogram why i HATE being on the pill. Woke up a few days ago with ginormous supersore bb's!! and I have spotted or bled non stop since Christmas day. weehoo.

[stacy654]

Question for you girls... (Could be a dumb one)

I know while pregnant they advise you not to take long hot baths - what about in the 2ww?

[Eric's Wife]

PS..I wanted to let you gals know that MLA got a BFP yesterday - she is going to the RE for a blood draw this afternoon. Please keep her in your thoughts!

I don't do livejournal.....Please send her a huge congrats and tell her that she is in my thoughts :) Thanks ;)

[Annette]

Please give MLA my congrats as well. Good luck to those of you in the 2WW.

[kdotp]

Yay for MLA!! Sticky thoughts to her.

stacy I'm of the opinion that you can do anything you want until you get a BFP.

To be honest, I took hot baths throughout my pregnancy with DS. I think hot/warm (not scalding or hot tub hot) can be good for aching muscles and relaxation. Just make sure your core body temp doesn't get too high.

CD10 here. I've been awful about temping this cycle, but have at least wanted to DTD, which is an improvement over the last cycle.

[JMD]

Hey Girls,
Yay for MLA! I'm so happy for her!

I am having a rough go this morning. I have been fine for the last couple weeks. But I just read an email from my mother in law (who I adore) about Motherhood (a great essay by Anna Quindlen) Anyways, it just really made me sad. Then I realized that I am so sad and I just feel like I'm hiding it in my hope that I'll get a bfp this cycle. And I know if I don't get it, I am going to go to pieces again. So all of this made me start crying, in my office, at work, with paper thin walls and my boss right next door. Then I realized it's been about a month since I first got my bfp (a month from yesterday I got a faint line and a month from today I confirmed it with an FRER). Sorry for the personally indulgent rant. I just want to go home and curl up in bed.

I hope all of you are doing better than I am today. Thanks for your support on these boards even though I'm not around very much. I appreciate it.

[tealynn]

Super huge congrats to MLA!!!

[akacharlotte]

PS..I wanted to let you gals know that MLA got a BFP yesterday - she is going to the RE for a blood draw this afternoon. Please keep her in your thoughts!


Oh that is awesome! I'm so happy for her! Thanks for letting us know. Please pass along my best wishes and sticky vibes to her.

[akacharlotte]

Stacy-GL in your 2ww! I'm ready for my next one I think. :)

I started the Clomid on Monday. So far just dizziness as a side effect.

cr8zyforaf-I hope you get a definitive answer soon(and the answer you want at that)!

[GlamaGal]

stacy- two friend's of mine questioned my indulging in a hot bath while pregnant with A, so I asked my OB about it. Her response to me was, "Baths are no problem. Saunas and public jacuzzis can get your core temp. up too high so avoid those. How OLD are these friends?" Old wives' tale.

That's not to say that while I am pregnant, I will be doing much of anything that could in any way harm my baby. Hence, I can understand your question!

[WonderWoman]

The books say baths, jacuzzis and even saunas are ok if you don't overdue. One ( I think WTEWYE) says that most women get out before their temps get up just on instinct. So be careful, but don't stress.

[Taylandra]

Just wanted to pop in to see if anyone needed extra support...

Stacy- Good luck during your 2ww!

JMD- I'm sorry to hear that you had a rough day a few days ago. :( Treat yourself to something nice this weekend and I hope that you feel better very soon. Crossing my fingers that you get a BFP in the very near future!

[GlamaGal]

Threadmistress, could you replace my stats with these?

GlamaGal
Name: Lori, 31
DH: K, 43
Married: 10.11.03
DD: A, 11.27.05
M/C: 6.5.07 @ 6w (not sure when conceived)
Angel DD: 12.4.07 D&E @ 19w 1d due to condition not compatible w/life

[miel]

Hey, sorry to disappear. I had my mc with no intervention. It started right before my travels. A lot of it was on the plane and in a foreign country and guess what? Everything was fine, just as I thought. I still have to get my final blood tests and ultra sound and the like but I can tell that it all went the way it is supposed to.

Just wanted to tell people in case there is anyone here like me who doesn't want the DandC. I'm so glad that I chose not to do it.

[WonderWoman]

It happened on a plane?! Wow. You're a champ. Mine was so bloody that I would have scared people on the plane. Glad it all worked out for you. Sorry this had to happen at all.

[GlamaGal]

Miel, glad it worked out okay. Sorry it had to happen at all. I'm like you, if I don't have to take a drug, then why take it? Especially when a lot of those drugs prevent you from trying again soon, if that is what a person chooses to do.

[ABirney]

Looks like I'll be joining you ladies...
Name: Angie, 32
DH: Scott, 31
Married: 9/25/04
M/C: m/c discovered 1/16/08 at 8w1d, D&C 1/18/08

Background: DH and I had been TTC for 2 years when we were referred to our RE in September. After a couple months of testing, our first injectable/IUI cycle worked and we got a BFP on 12/16/07! We had an u/s at 6w1d and saw the h/b. I started spotting 2 days later so went for another u/s at 7w1d and things were ok, still a h/b. They wanted me to come back in a week again just to be sure things were still going ok. So we went yesterday (8w1d) and the h/b was gone and she said the measurements only showed about 2 days of growth after the last u/s. The strange thing was that the spotting had all but stopped, so we really thought things were going to be ok at yesterday's u/s. We were shocked. I have a D&C scheduled for tomorrow morning. I'm really scared about it (I've never been under anesthesia before, not even sedation for anything.)
They are going to send it in for testing, because I had a m/c in college also (11 years ago, way before I met DH) and because we are working with an RE to see if it's something that can be prevented next time.

[tealynn]

Oh Angie, I'm so sorry honey. I know how long you've been trying. It's so unfair. This is a really supportive group, don't be afraid to share anything.

[ABirney]

Thanks tealynn.

I forgot to ask if anyone would be willing to share their D&C stories with me.... I'm very nervous about it. What is recovery like? Will there be alot of pain? How long will I bleed after?

[jesseybell]

ABirney - I know I said my "i am sorry" in another thread, but here I am saying it again. This thread really helped me through my m/c.

The D&C was no where near as bad as I thought it would be - the anxiety of the D&C (D&E in my case) was the hardest part (and I had to wait 5 days!). But honestly, when I woke up, I thought to myself 'while I don't want to do this again, if I have to, I don't think it will be as bad'.

I was nervous because in the past it had taken me all day to come out of anesthesia, but this wasn't bad. The anesthesialogst told me that what he used didn't stay in your system for very long. Within 10 minutes of waking up I was drinking cranberry juice and eating a really yummy chocolate chip cookie. Within a little over an hour I was going home. You need to pee before you go home. I was joking with them about when I could drink (alcohol) and they told me that night if I wanted (and this was at 4 o'clock in the afternoon)

As for pain, I had some slight cramping when I woke up, but when I got up and was walking around it went away. I don't think I ever took anything when I got home.

I bled for 10 days afterwards. It's a lot of bleeding and you can't use tampons. We were told that we could DTD 2 weeks later.

{{BIG HUGS}} to you.

[Jodi AKA BostonTeacher]

Abirney: I'm sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is after trying for so long. I had a D&C on 11/14/07. I can honestly say it was a simple and painless event. The blood test prior to it was far worse than any other aspect of it. Everyone is different, but I only spotted a little that day and slightly the next. I had bought these jumbo pads thinking I would experience heavy bleeding, but in reality I would have been fine with panty liners. Aside from some VERY minor cramping (far less than a period) I felt no pain at all.

I hope you have the best experience you can given the circumstances and find much support in the healing process. We'll be thinking of you!

[Annette]

ABirney-Just wanted to say again how sorry I am for your loss. With my first loss, I also saw the heartbeat and thought everything was going to be okay and then a week and half later, no heartbeat and the baby got resorbed, so it was an empty sac. I can't offer advice on the D&C, but I hope it goes well for you and that it will give you some closure. {{{hugs}}}

[sparkle&shine]

Angie ~ I also wanted to just say again how sorry I am. My m/c was natural so I can't offer any insight into the D&C but I will be thinking about you tomorrow. (((HUGS)))

[ABirney]

Thanks everyone for your condolences and jessey and jodi for the info on the D&C. DH should be home from work in about 15 minutes and then we are going to get ready to go down there. (the hospital is about 2 hours away and we have to be there at 5:30 am, so we are just getting a hotel tonight.)

[stacy654]

ABirney - I just wanted to say my d&c wasn't nearly as bad as I thought it would be. It was closure for me. I was almost 10 weeks and my dr. recommended it for me as opposed to natural. I had some heavy bleeding for about 2 days and nothing more really after that. I had some cramping, but had FAR worse side effects from the pain meds. I am sending you many, many hugs. Your loss is almost like a kick in the gut for me. I hate that you are having to go through this...

[WonderWoman]

ABirney - sorry you are going through this. I hope your D&C is painless and brings good closure.


So it's been 2 mos since the m/c and we are getting ready to start TTC again, but today I found out a college buddy is having a baby. He and his wife are in their late thirties, got pregnant on the first try and are already halfway there. I just can't help but feel defective. I'm still young, healthy...it took us 6 mos to get pregnant and then we had the m/c. I'm just so sad. We got great news about a job for DH today and yet I'm carrying around a heavy heart because other people can make and have babies so easily and we are having such a hard time. :(

[stacy654]

other people can make and have babies so easily and we are having such a hard time. :(

I completely understand. Those who don't even "try" are having babies right and left. They don't take care of themselves, they don't prepare their bodies, etc... I get it! Sending you hugs! I feel like we waited until the time was *right* for us, and our families, etc, and now it just isn't happening.

[ThreeYell]

ABriney, I'm so sorry. Miscarriage on top of IF is more than anyone should have to bear. :(

Sorry, ladies, I'm the world's worst threadmistress but I'm planning to finally update today at nap time today.

[cr8zyforaf]

ABirney - i am so so sorry for your loss. I can completely understand as our situations are very similar. I had a d&c on Oct 1...it was not bad at all. It was a 30 minute procedure and I was in very little physical pain afterwards. For me, the emotional part of no longer being pregnant was the worst, physically I was fine. I bled for about 10 days and I got AF about 7 weeks after that. I did feel much better once I got AF and I could finally put that really long horrible cycle behind me.

wonderwoman - I feel the same way. A dear friend and I were pregnant at the same time...she had a miscarriage a few weeks after me and my biggest fear is that she will get pregnant before me (she got pregnant both times on the first try..our DD's are the same age)..isn't that awful...I am already preparing myself that she will be pregnant long before I will and that makes me sad..sad that I am defective and sad that I need to feel that way towards my friends.

I am seeing the RE next Friday- ever since the D&C, my body is just not right..I finally got AF on CD45 after 5 days of light spotting..that can't be good.

[GlamaGal]

ABirney- Indeed I am so very sorry for your loss. While I've never had IVF, it does take us a long time to conceive. I lost a baby recently and had a D&E at 19w 1d because she was diagnosed with a terminal condition. I was so scared about the anesthesia too but I have to say that everyone was very sweet to me that day and I asked a lot of questions and was comforted by my OB up until I was "out". In recovery, there was really no physical pain but I got the pain meds every time they asked just for my emotional pain. I did have leftover Tylenol with codeine when I got home and I used those as well (to sleep, really). I bled for over two weeks and it seemed it had just stopped when my period started again on day 28 after the D&E. Don't be surprised afterwards when you realize that the worst pain is that you're no longer pregnant, and longing for the child that you had so wanted. We'll be here for you.
================================================== =========
Next Wed. is our genetic consultation (we requested it). I had a small victory this week when I found out that with the new diagnosis the nuchal translucency test will be covered. We'd have paid for it anyway, but I just wanted the ins. company (or someone) to not treat it as a fluke thing that chances are won't happen again. I'm going to ask the Dr. (he's the same one who confirmed our Angel DD's condition) if he'll call my ins. and request some high-level u/s be added as well. I just need something to look forward to that I know will ease the paranoia that I will surely have next time. I also hope he overrides my OBGYN's 3-month TTC wait and tells us to go ahead this next cycle which should start between Jan. 24 -Jan. 29.

[hiphopgirl]

ABirney- I am so sorry. I can only imagine how heartbreaking it is to lose a baby after you feel like everything is okay and after IF. I had a D&C at 10 weeks. Like everyone said, the surgery isn't bad at all, and neither is the anesthesia. I didn't have a lot of fear about it, though. Please come back here and let us know how you are doing.

Today is my due date for my first m/c. I'm not as sad today as I thought I would be. Actually the two weeks prior have been the worst. A couple of people at church that had due dates close to mine have both given birth. Those were the hardest to take.

I am in the 2WW again. I'm trying hard not to live my life one day at a time until 1/28 (test day), but when I think about the fact that I should have a baby in my arms and I'm not even pregnant yet I just get so sad, angry, and frustrated. I am really hanging my hat on this 2WW and that is a dangerous place to be. No one ever said life was fair, but d*&n it I want a baby.

In other news, the employee who has a due date near my second m/c has her GD appointment today and she's been talking all about it. I also got an invitation to her couple's shower. I am really trying not to let this stuff bother me, but I think with all the hormones raging through my system right now I'm feeling extra sensitive.

Sorry to ramble, maybe I'm sadder than I thought I was.

[ABirney]

Hi everyone...
Thank you all so much for all of your good thoughts for us. We got back home a couple hours ago. I'm actually feeling pretty good, not much cramping (no worse than a period) and just very light bleeding. Actually the worst pain right now is where my IV was (the nurse jostled it when she was taking it out and it swelled up and bruised). They sent me home with Motrin and Percocet and said I could start taking it at 1:00 but it's 2:30 and I still don't feel the need to take it.
Emotionally I'm doing ok right now... don't know if I got cried out last night (when we got to the hotel and went to bed, we just held each other and sobbed for about an hour) or if I'm still feeling the effects of the anti-anxiety med they put in my IV. :o I'm sure it will hit home again sometime.
We have a follow-up appt with the RE in 2 weeks. They are going to do chromosomal and histopathology testing, so hopefully we'll have some results at that time.

WonderWoman Congrats on your DH's job news. Hopefully this next time TTC will go quickly, but it's hard to hear how others have an easier time.
cr8zyforaf Good luck at the RE next week, and hope you get a BFP soon also.
GlamaGal Good luck at your genetic consult and yay for getting the insurance to agree to the extra testing!
hiphopgirl Hugs to you on a difficult day and with all the new babies coming recently. Hope you get good news at the end of your 2ww!

[sparkle&shine]

Angie ~ I am glad that the procedure went well and that you are feeling physically okay. I as pretty numb too on the second day but then it all hit over again in the mornings for me. I would wake up and think to myself that I wasn't PG anymore. Everyone reacts differently and I would say that I didn't really actually cry a ton after that first initial day but I definately thought about it a LOT. You will be surprised at the silly things that will set it off.
I hope that the testing they do will give you some answers. (((HUGS)))

[cr8zyforaf]

anglie - so glad the procedure went well and you are feeling fine. Everyone is different....I cried a lot after and laid in bed most of the week (I took off work)..but my friend said once she got the procedure behind her, she felt much better. Everyone is different.

glamagal - good luck with the genetic consultation and yeah for getting the testing covered - I am always amazed at the hoops we have to jump through to get insurance to pay for stuff.

hiphop - I have everything that I can cross crossed for you!! I am so sorry you are sad and I will be thinking of you.

[GlamaGal]

Hiphop- I really hope this is it for you. Hey, 3rd time is a charm, right?;)

[WonderWoman]

Thanks to all of you for the support. It helped and other than the one "down day" I'm feeling ok. I'm really happy for all of my apparently very fertile friends, I really am. I'm just sad for us.

Angie - glad you are recovering well.

hiphopgirl Keeping my fingers crossed for a BFP for you.

[kdotp]

We're in the 2WW (at least I think we are) as well and I don't have high hopes for this cycle as both DH and I had a vicious cold right around the time I was to O so a) we didn't really feel like DTD and b) I have no idea if I even O'd (I'm becoming increasingly lazy at temping).

[stacy654]

Sending hugs to all of you who are hurting right now. It is so true that each day is a new day. Days that bring on completely different emotions, feelings, and outlooks. There are days when I need to cry, I want to cry and I have "triggers" to help me do just that. (let my thoughts wonder to the what if's, listen to certain music, etc.) People don't understand the loss of not only a child, but the loss of the hopes and dreams we have for THAT child. I GET there will be (hopefully) more or others, but I wouldn't have conceived THAT baby if I didn't want her.

I hate the question "How are you?". Do you REALLY want to know? Do you want the overall outlook or how I feel at that exact moment? My feelings change almost minute to minute.

Just in case anyone else needs/wants them... I found these songs almost by accident (well blindly searching), but I think they are wonderful... If you want me to try to get the files to you please let me know.

The Valley Song - Jars of Clay
My Name - George Canyon
Held - Natalie Grant
Angel - Beverly Mitchell

[Tiniest Angels]

UPDATED

If anyone is interested in taking over as threadmistress, please PM me (ThreeYell). Thanks!

[ABirney]

Ugh how embarassing. Minor breakdown in Church this morning. :o I was doing ok until SIL came in and sat in front of us. She's 4 months pg and had my young neice and nephew with also. We had been so excited to be pg together. I hadn't talked to her since this happened, but MIL told DH she would call all his brother and sisters for us, so I knew she knew. I went into the bathroom and started crying in a stall, then composed myself and went out to wash my hands, and she had come in there and was crying and saying how sorry she was, so there we are both crying in the church bathroom and hugging. :o I bet the other ladies in there were wondering what the heck was going on.

[GlamaGal]

ABirney- I find it very hard to control my emotions in church. I'm sensitive anyhow, but even more so through the m/c and then the loss of our baby. I saw my cousin today who was 2 weeks behind me. It made me sad but also happy for her.

It's so very true what Stacy said and others have echoed since I joined this thread: each day, even every minute or hour, is different. I want to think that once I get pg all these emotions will go away but they won't. I still wanted THAT child. I can only hope that the pain will lessen and my mind will be busy with other things (like a new baby).

[Jodi AKA BostonTeacher]

Just checking in.

I "think" I am in the 2ww. It's been 9 weeks since the D&C and still no real period to speak of. I had a few days of spotting back around 12/23. The doctor said that 'could' be considered a period though usually the 1st one after a mc tends to be heavier. He wrote me an rx for provera to jump start things. He told me to wait 2 weeks to fill it (which would have been last Friday) if my period didn't start and told me to call as soon as I got an +HPT.

A week later I noticed I was getting EWCM so I took an OPK for several days and actually got a +OPK last Saturday (9 days ago). DH and I decided to go for it and see what happens since we already feel like we've lost a good chunk of time. I'm obviously waiting on the provera until I see if anything happened with our "attempts."

Hope everyone is doing well.

[jesseybell]

Jodi - Crossing my fingers for you!

It's been 9 weeks since my D&E also, though we aren't ready to try again. I did break out my fertility monitor this cycle just to track it. I never did reach a Peak, but did have EWCM and my typical Oing symptoms and now I am waiting for AF.

I continue to be in a quandry. My parents had DD overnight on saturday night (a very rare thing) and I just sat in her room and wanted to cry - I missed her! But I also finally telling myself 'I am ready'. But am I actually ready for next month? I don't think so. A co-worker just came back from maternity leave from having an early November baby and she said it was hard to be home when it was so dark. Knowing that I had a mild case of Seasonal Affective Disorder, I really think from a personal standpoint, being home starting in February or later would be best for me....but the thought of waiting that long does kill me! Physically I am so ready to be pregnant again!

[hiphopgirl]

ABirney - I'm sorry about the breakdown in church. If you look back several pages you will see I made a similar post after my D&C. I think it is a totally natural reaction even if it is a bit embarrassing.

Jodi - Keeping my fingers crossed for you. We can be 2WW buddies. When are you going to test?

jesseybell - Good luck with your decision. Too bad there isn't a sure fire way to know if you're ready.

stacy - Thanks for the list of songs. When I get time I'll have to download those from iTunes.

[Jodi AKA BostonTeacher]

jessey I really was on the fence about trying. The logical thing to do would have been to wait until I either had a real, full-on period. However, I had spent so much time obsessing that when I had the EWCM I just said, 'what the heck.' Then when the opk came back positive I figured, "well we already technically put ourselves 'at risk' for pregnancy we might was well continue." We'll see what happens, but I personally hate the limbo period and am anxious to move on and feel like I am doing something in the right direction.

I agree completely with wanting to wait for a spring baby. DH and I both have and hate December birthdays and swore we would never have a December baby. However, I am so afraid of it taking a while to conceive again or having another m/c and I feel like I am doing DS a disservice by him not having a sibling close in age (he'll be 2.5 tomorrow). I'm babbling, but that's where my thought process is right now.

Hip Hop Girl: Unless I get me period between now and then I will probably test on Saturday. How about you?

Well, I had some spotting this morning. At the risk of TMI...when I would pee and wipe the paper would be tinted pink. Not actual blood or anything that would be considered a real period, but there was definately a pink tint. It was only when I would wipe though and not every time. I also had one tiny spot of brown discharge and I've had period like cramps off and on for the past day or so.

We'll see. I suppose it "could" be implantation bleeding, but I'm just hoping that if it is my period and I am not pregnant then it is a real period and not the whole phantom experience like last month.

[jesseybell]

Jody - My DD is only shy of 18 months so even though I am 37 we were given the go ahead to wait a few months if we wanted. But we have also both agreed that if god-forbid something were to happen the next time or we can't get pregnant easily, then if we find ourselves needing to be ttcing at this time next year then we definitely say screw it to the nov-jan birthday and go for it.

Hoping your pink tinge is implantation bleeding!

[hiphopgirl]

Jody - Fingers crossed that it is implantation bleeding. I know how you feel about spacing. My DS just turned 2 1/2 a week ago Sunday. My due date was last Friday. If I'd had that baby they would have been almost exactly 2 1/2 years apart. That was my ideal spacing.

If I haven't gotten AF I will test on Monday. We'll see if I can wait that long. That will actually be 13 DPO. It's going to take a lot of self-restraint to wait that long to test. That's why I don't even have any HPT's in my house.:D

So far I've had 0 FPS's so I need to be realistic about my chances this month. We timed everything beautifully and I'm taking about 329745897 pills/supplements/etc. I just know that even with the deck stacked in our favor the odds are still only 20%. :(

[smellycatsgirl]

Smellycatsgirl
Name: Jen, 26
DH: Michael, 26
Married: 12/14/02
M/C: January 14, 2008 @ 7w 1d

[hiphopgirl]

Smellycatsgirl - I am so sorry for your loss. I saw you in the other thread. It's been very quiet around here. I'm still around here and I'll listen if you want to "talk". Hugs.

[ABirney]

smellycatsgirl So sorry for your loss.
hiphopgirl Did you test today?

[WonderWoman]

Hiphopgirl What's the verdict?

Smellycatsgirl Welcome to the club, sorry you had to join. But we're here if you need us. I found a lot of great support in this thread, I hope you find what you need too.

[ABirney]

Well I woke up at 4am to a lovely bloody sheet... spot about 6-7" diameter. I went to the bathroom to clean up and passed a fairly large clot, maybe a bit bigger than a quarter. Put on a pad and went back to bed for an hour after cleaning everything up and there was just a little bit of blood (dime sized spot) on the pad when I got back up. I'm also having some very mild cramps. Background: D&C Jan 18th, light flow that day, slight spotting for 4-5 more days, then nothing since. (so almost a week with no bleeding at all.) Is this normal? DH and I did DTD for the first time in a month on Sunday afternoon, could that have caused this? I do have my post-op follow up with the RE on Friday morning and I'll definitely mention it, but should I call him before then or can it wait?

[ThreeYell]

Smellycatsgirl, I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you're able to find some support and comfort here.

ABirney, IIRC, I bled off and on for a few weeks. I remember because it was summer and I'd keep thinking I was totally done and end up putting on my bathing suit and getting in the pool with DS, then the next day I'd start bleeding again. It was so frustrating. It might be normal but it can't hurt to call and talk to the nurse.

hiphop, so what's the verdict?

[cr8zyforaf]

smellycatsgirl -I am so sorry for your loss.

Abirney - I bled for weeks on and off..and my next two AF's were very heavy and painful. I am sorry.

hiphop - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you!!

Jody - any news? Have you tested.

Well, I went to the RE last Friday - he wants to do a few blood tests next cycle and also an ultrasound of my ovaries and uterus and various points in my cycle. I am having a lot of spotting that goes on for most of my cycle. He said I could not be ovulating, or I could still have HSG left over from the pregnancy which was horrible to hear. Either way, I am pissed that I am still not pregnant and just pissed in general...it seems everyone around me is getting pregnant on the first try.

[ThreeYell]

cr8zy, I'm sorry. I hope your RE can get things under control quickly. I've started seeing an RE too. After getting pregnant very easily twice, it's not happening again. I expect AF tomorrow then it's on to an HSG and some more bloodwork next cycle. I know what you mean about everyone getting pregnant on the first cycle. It's really hard to take sometimes.

[Dreshny]

Did anyone get very sick after miscarrying?

I started spotting last Monday at 11 weeks. The next day, my midwife sent me for an emergency u/s that showed the embryo stopped developing at 7/8 weeks and had no heartbeat. I spotted on and off for the rest of the week, but whenever I stopped spotting, my pregnancy symptoms came back (nausea and dry heaves.)

On Saturday I had to go to an abortion clinic to get the RU-486 pill (you can only get this pill at abortion clinics, unfortunately.) I really, really didn't want a D&C.

Took the pill on Sunday at 12 weeks and miscarried at home while watching movies on the couch with DH. Started running a fever, but I figured it was a side effect of the pill.

I thought I felt fine yesterday, and DH took the day off, and we tried to go out for a walk, out to lunch, etc. Suddenly, I started having shooting pain in my arms and legs, chills, and I just couldn't walk anymore. Took me a little while to realize I had a fever.

Went home to take Advil and lie down. Called the doctor, because fever can be a sign of infection, and he told me only 1 in 100,000 women develop a fever post-abortion (I realized later I should have told him this was an induced miscarriage for a weeks-dead embryo.) He suspected I either had the flu or the virus my son had last week, but he said to call if it continued.

I had a fever all night and had trouble sleeping. Woke up with a fever and dry-heaves, same as I had when pregnant. I feel very crappy today.

So I'm wondering if I need to call the doctor again. Could the dry-heaves be from lingering hormones? Dry heaving isn't normal for me. And the fever still has me worried. If I do indeed have the flu, this whole week has just been a very bad cosmic joke that keeps getting worse.

[cr8zyforaf]

I would call the doctor again - what if you are that 1 in 100,000...I am sorry you are having to go through this. Better safe than sorry is my motto.

threeyell - I am sorry. My DD was an HSG baby.....

[ABirney]

Hi ladies!
cr8zyforaf Hope the RE is able to figure out what's causing the spotting, and you are able to get pg soon.
ThreeYell Good luck with the HSG and bloodwork, and hopefully the RE can help.
Dreshny So sorry for your loss. I'm not sure what to tell you about the being sick, but I would call the dr again just to be sure.

Thanks ladies for the input on the bleeding. All day it's been like a normal first day of a period, and I passed just a couple more small/medium clots. I think being some of you had on-off bleeding, I'll just watch it and mention it at my appt Friday, unless it gets worse before then.

[WonderWoman]

Shooting pain and fever don't sound good. I would totally call the Dr. Good luck!

What is HSG?

[hiphopgirl]

Thanks everyone for asking. I thought I came in here and posted already. AF showed up yesterday. The best part is that I am sitting on jury duty this week. Today I was bleeding so hard that I bled through my tan colored pants. If only we'd been released 30 minutes earlier I could have changed. Ugh! :(

ThreeYell - good luck. I've heard great things about the HSG. If you don't mind me asking, how long have you been trying? I, too, got pregnant very easily twice (both m/c) and now - nada. I'm just trying to figure out how long I need to wait to see an RE.

Dreshny - I say call a doctor. Can't hurt.

Question(s) - What's the deal with acupuncture? I've been walking around with the phone number of an acupuncturist since October. I'm finally at the point where I am seriously considering it. The one thing that has held me back before now was cost. Does anyone know how much it costs per visit? How many visits does one need (multiple times a week, once a week, once a month, etc)? Also, does anyone know if acupuncture treatments can be filed through an employers Flexible Spending Account (FSA)? I have about $2K in my FSA because I thought I was going to have a baby this year. I know I'm not completely out for 2008, but let's just say it's getting close. If I don't get knocked up soon I will need to figure out a different use for that money. I'd considered using it for lasik, but I still feel like the money is better spent in fertility treatments. I just don't know which ones. Any help is appreciated. Thanks.

[ABirney]

hiphopgirl Sorry AF found you. Ugh about the bleeding through!
wonderwoman HSG = HysteroSalpingoGram... where they shoot dye up through the cervix into your uterus/fallopian tubes and x-ray it to see if the tubes are blocked or if there's any abnormalities in the uterus. Sometimes if there is a slight blockage the dye pushes it clear and some think if that happens the woman has a higher chance of concieving in the next few months.

[WonderWoman]

Abirney - Thanks. Sometimes acronyms mean just what they are and sometimes they mean crazy stuff. Good to know.

Hiphopgirl - Sh*t. I was so crossing my fingers for you. I don't know anything about acpuncture and fertility treatments, but I'm curious to see what others say. That sounds interesting.

[GlamaGal]

Gosh guys I am sorry I missed this thread for a couple of days. It seems we have some new members.:mad:

Smellycatsgirl-I'm sorry to hear about your recent loss. {{{HUGS}}} I'm free to talk any time.
Dreshny- sorry to hear about your loss. {{{HUGS}}} I think ANY fever needs to be reported to your OB. After my D&E a fever could have indicated some tissue was left inside. I had no complications, so I got *lucky* there.

ABirney- How are you doing? I've been thinking of you. I think that after a D&C any type of bleeding is to be expected, and if you pass anything that scares you, call your OB. In fact, with any question call your OB's nurse. They'll be helpful. Mine know me so well now that I expect when I am eventually pg they'll be more helpful (read "nicer") since they've seen me go through this.

WonderWoman- Our TTC is soon! Did you order your OPKs? I got some from www.early-pregnancy-tests.com. They had super-sensitive HPT tests too (I got 10!!). I'm excited about the HPT tests because they'll be able to test the slightest amount of HCG.

HipHop- I actually came in here to see if you had tested (thought maybe that's "what was going on" per your LJ). Bummer. Oh yea, I bled through my ILs sheets while we were in FL. Nice.;) I am considering acu as well....have been for a while with no action on my part.

cr8zy- Here's hoping they either find a minor something that will be soo fixable or nothing is wrong and you'll be pg very soon. If you had some blockage before, I think they'd assume that may have occurred again. It's amazing, IRL I've heard others have had minor blockages be solved and then get pg right after a HSG.

ThreeYell- Glad you have a plan of attack.
================================================== ======
me- AF came 28 days after my D&E, then 24 days from my LMP this time (normal, short cycle). I guess I glean an extra TTC cycle with the short version, but I sure don't feel lucky. This cycle I'll track O with the OPKs and then next cycle I'll track as well and TTC again. Gosh, if I could only be one of those people who gets knocked up on the first try!! ::crossing fingers::

I don't know if I posted in here, but our genetics session with the perinatal OB didn't really shine any new light for us. It was good to build a relationship with him because he'll do the nuchal fold, Level II u/s, etc. for us next time. He concurred with my OB re: waiting 3 cycles to TTC. They belong to the same group so he's not going to override her, but he also said if it happened it would be ok and told us to have sex when we left there! Kind of confusing...

[Dreshny]

Thanks, guys. I did end up going to the doctor yesterday, and he gave me antibiotics just in case the fever continued through today, but he really thought it was a stomach virus. And it was. I ended up throwing up all over the place last night. :rolleyes: I was relieved it wasn't an infection, and actually felt much better after throwing up. Except...

I passed the embryo this morning. (Remember, I opted to take RU-486 to induce miscarriage instead of having a D&C.) 7 or 8 week embryo. It had been dead for at least a month, so it was mostly decomposed, but it was unquestionably the embryo. It was sort of gross and fascinating and sad all at the same time. I just sat there holding it for a while, and then DH came in and saw it, and we really wanted to bury it, but we don't have a backyard, so we just said goodbye and flushed it. And then I had to wash my hands 5 times to get rid of the smell.

What an out-of-body exerience. :(

[ABirney]

GlamaGal Sorry the genetics session didn't bring you any answers, but glad you'll be able to get the extra monitoring next time. Hope you get your BFP quickly!
Dreshny Wow, so sorry you had to go through that with passing the embryo. Glad you are feeling better though.

As for me, the bleeding slowed to spotting last night and is pretty much gone now. So I'll mention in at my appt Fri but I'm not really concerned about it anymore.

[cr8zyforaf]

glamagal - so sorry the session didn't provide any answers. I really hope this happens quickly for you.

wonderwoman - HSG is a test where they shoot dye into your tubes to look for blockage. I was told that many women get pregnant after the HSG..which was the case with me for DD.

Sreshny - I am so sorry you had to go through that. I am glad that you are feeling better.

abirney - I am glad the bleeding has pretty much stopped.

[cr8zyforaf]

hiphop - I am sorry about the BFN....acupuncture - I have a friend that swears by this....but I don't have any information.

[ThreeYell]

ABirney - Glad the bleeding is done.

hiphopgirl - I'm sorry about AF. I called to make an RE appointment during the 6th cycle, hoping to get in for testing the next cycle. It turned out that there was a cancellation and I got in right away. He didn't say we had come too early. It seems like 6 cycles is a pretty standard time to start testing, at least. Re: acupuncture - I've been doing it for a while. I think it's helped even out my mood some but I decided last week to cut back. It costs me $75/session and takes about an hour and fifteen minutes each time. I was doing it once a week and it got to be too much time and money. I did love the herbs my acupuncturist prescribed, though.

GlamaGal - I hope you're one of those people who gets pregnant again right away, too! I'm sorry y'all didn't get any answers from the testing but I'm glad you have someone to work with next time.

Dreshney - How horrible to get sick on top of everything else. That does sound like a hard experience.

Me - well, much to my shock, AF didn't show up yesterday. I went to acupuncture and my acupuncturist did some things that were different and I started to wonder if she thought I was pregnant (she later said she did). I left there and bought a test and as soon as I did it - BAM! - two bright pink lines. I'm still in shock but so so excited.

[GlamaGal]

ThreeYell- I am soooo excited for you. I wish I could give you a big hug and a high five!! wOOOOOO hOOOOOOO:D:D

[hiphopgirl]

ThreeYell - Congratulations!!!!! Maybe the acupuncture did work after all ;) You've convinced me.

Dreshney - I'm so sorry, that sounds like an awful experience. I'm just glad the fever is gone.

Has anyone seen this article (http://www.newsweek.com/id/73354) in Newsweek? In a strange coincidence it was in the jury room so I read it. I think I need to study it a little more, but it sounds like it is pretty sound advice. I've actually started trying to do some of the things I read. For example, I made stir fry last night with lots of veggies and tofu. It was pretty good. I don't know if it will help, but at this point I'm leaving no stone unturned.

[cr8zyforaf]

ThreeYell - WOOT...what great news!!! Congratulations!

[ABirney]

ThreeYell Whoo hoo! Congrats!!

[WonderWoman]

ThreeYell Well THREE CHEERS for you!!!!!! YAY!!!! CONGRATS!!!!

Dreshney I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I hope it brought you some closure. I can't imagine how hard that had to be for you.

GlamaGal I ordered my OPKs and some PreSeed - hey, I'm willing to try anything - I should get them tomorrow or Saturday. I'll keep you posted on how it goes.

[Dreshny]

Three Yell: Yay! Congratulations!!!

[Lolly]

I haven't been posting in here but I have been reading along. I'm sorry to see the newcomers to this thread :( I am still thinking of all of you and hope you are blessed with BFP's again soon.

Congrats ThreeYell! I think you subconciously knew you might be pg. and that's why you decided to cut back on accu.?! Regardless, YAY!

[stacy654]

Just coming out of lurk-dom...

Congrats ThreeYell!!!

I am so sorry for anyone who has to join our group. I am sorry for your losses.

[Mrs.Chappy]

Dreshny: sorry for your loss.. i'm thinking of you. i hope you are feeling better. your DH sounds wonderfully suppportive.

ThreeYell: i'm thrilled for you

[Sand]

Congratulations ThreeYell!!!

Dreshny - I'm very sorry for your loss.

[ABirney]

We had our post-op appt with the dr today. He didn't seem too concerned about the bleeding episode the other day, he said if I'm not having bad cramps, fever, or chills that is fine. He is putting me on the pill for 2 cycles to let me heal from the D&C and to suppress my hormones (because I have wacky cycles) and then we are going to do another injectable/IUI cycle (pending the test results from the baby... he said it will be another week or 2 before we have those results back.)

[miel]

Congrats Threeyell...

Good luck at the doctors Abirney

I'm sorry for your loss Dreshny

I'm going to check out immunity stuff as soon as I can. Did anyone ever have experiences with that? I just have a lot of things on the list of possible immune factors causing miscarriage. If you did have any experiences trying to deal with autoimmunity and mc then would you let me know? I will also post when I find out whatever it is I find out in case someone else ends up exploring this avenue.

[Annette]

Just popping in to offer Three Yell a big congrats!!

I am so sorry to all the recent members who had to join this thread. Sending out {{{hugs}}} to everyone.

[ahavnes]

I haven't been in this thread for a while b/c I feel like I have pretty much put the m/c behind me, but I thought I would share something with you all. My due date is tomorrow and guess what arrived tonight? The bill from the hospital for my D&C. It was almost 7 months ago! What are the freaking odds of that? Like 1 in 365. Nice.

Congrats Three Yell!

[GlamaGal]

ahavnes- bills! I'm still paying on them from my D&E which was 12/4. Today I got a bill for all the bloodwork (Rh, HIV, etc.) from very early into the pregnancy. Felt like such a slap in the face.

[stacy654]

Alicia - I am so sorry about the bills on the eve of your due date. That sucks. I got mine a month to the day (Christmas Eve), and my dear friend AF arrived the same day. Talk about a wreck. Sending you many good vibes to get through the tough crap!

[ThreeYell]

Thanks, everyone!

ABirney, I'm glad the doctor wasn't concerned. I hope you have TTC success soon!

miel, what kind of immune issues are you looking at? I know people who have had various immune-related problems who have had miscarriages then successful pregnancies once they got on blood thinners.

ahavnes, I'm glad that you feel like you're putting the miscarriage behind you but that sucks about the bill! I got my first bill from the hospital 7 months after I lost the baby then they started calling me every day to ask if I had already sent in payment. I had to yell at several customer service people before they got the picture that they needed to leave me alone. I still haven't gotten a bill from the anesthesiologist. Medical billing makes NO sense.

[jesseybell]

Just checking in. I've been away for a while on what was supposed to have been our babymoon (but with our DD). Sure I got to drink and ride on roller coasters, but there was the occasional feeling of sadness.

And to make matters more frustrating is that AF has not arrived yet. Unfortunately there is no chance of me being pregnant. I know I was stressed before going vacation and my schedule was out of whack and things like that, but I really thought she was going to arrive last Wednesday/Thursday - I had cramps (and I don't think they were really delayed O cramps). Hopefully now that we are home, AF will arrive.

There was a 7 month and 3 month old at our super bowl party which gave me the bug a little...only a little though :)

[Mrs.Chappy]

ahavnes: i too received a pathology bill 5 months after my D&C when i was no loonger covered by that insurance..i called and told them to stick it.. havne't heard from them since..i was so upset about it. it brought up all the feelings again

[akacharlotte]

Hey everyone! It's been awhile since I've posted.

I just skimmed through the last page but Congrats ThreeYell! I'm very happy for you!

Yesterday sucked for me. I got a BFN, it was my due date and the day just sucked. I was a supreme bitch all freakin day. Apparently, the Clomid did not take for round 1 so we are off to round 2. I just want getting PG to be easy already and it is a slap in the face that my body is failing me.

[GlamaGal]

akacharlotte- Hang in there! It's RUUUUUFF. From what I've learned about Clomid (those around me IRL), it is like any other Rx and can take a few cycles to see what level works for you. I'm crossing my fingers for you next cycle. {{{HUGS}}}

Let's get some more BFPs in here...