Support for Ladies Who Have Miscarried (#3)

[firefly]

A~ how utterly frustrating. I'm sorry that your dr doesn't count under 5 as 0. I'd definatly wait out the the 10 days. maybe even pushing it to two weeks.
{{big ole crappy internet hugs}}

[Alanna]

Hi everyone.
Thanks for the nice words and support you have all given me...


I thought I would stop by with an update.

When I was last here (wednesday night) I had taken the misoprostol -

I got pretty crampy over night but when i woke up on thursday I only had very light spotting that continued like that all day.

I went and had my u/s in the late afternoon and the tech said that everything "looked great" and she didnt see anything that was an issue at all.

when i woke up on friday morning I was full out bleeding again (sorry if TMI) and I am still bleeding heavily today.

My OB called on Friday morning to check in and she was cautiously optimistic that I was bleeding and that maybe we might have triggered the end of this. She reinterated what the tech said and she thought that everything looked good for me and that there were no obvious problems on the u/s.

I got my Betas taken (again) on friday morning so i should have results back on monday.

i am feel pretty run down and sore. the u/s tech was really rough and i think she bruised my hip bone when she was doing the external u/s. and my abdomen is just really sore from all the cramping that has gone on in the past couple of weeks.

anyway... thats all that's new for me.

__________________________________________________ ___

Lolly - I will be thinking good thoughts for you on Wednesday - let us know how it goes!

HiphopGirl - I sending you lots of positive vibes!

ahavnes- how frustrating! you are so close though! I will keep my fingers crossed that the next visit brings you a 0 - and thank you for the reassurance about the D&C... i get so anxious about stuff like that...

DocoNY- come and vent anytime... i would find that a very difficult situation...

[ahavnes]

Thank you all for your sympathies regarding my betas. I am actually ok with the whole thing. I don't connect the weekly draws with the m/c at all, so I don't feel like it's dragging that out. Like I said earlier, a good cancer scare has pretty much erased the grief of the m/c. ;)

Here's the crazy part...I am actually going to ask my OB if I can come back for another weekly draw after I reach zero!! :eek: I recently read that patients who take longer than 7 weeks to achieve a zero need to be at zero for 3 consecutive weeks before switching to the monthly draw. This is just to be sure they're really in remission and the tumor is gone. Since it's been almost 10 weeks and I am STILL not at zero, this would definitely apply to me. I will say it is frustrating though, b/c the article stated that the average patient reaches zero in 46 days. Ummm, almost 70 days here and still going!

[MLA]

ahavnes -- I'm sorry this is taking so long.

alanna -- I hope you start to feel better soon.

HipHop -- I have everything that's crossable crossed for you. I hope the pregnancy keeps progressing normally

Taylandra - Sorry about the cramping. I hope you're feeling better.

me -- Well, I tested this morning and got a very faint line. DH could see it, so I know I wasn't just seeing things. It was more of a "p" than a "BFP." Unfortunately, I've been spotting for several days, and I'm a bit crampy today. I'm not holding out a whole lot of hope, here, since I'm having no symptoms of pregnancy, other than that positive (ish) test. I'm going to go to the doctor tomorrow. Hopefully they'll be able to prescribe me progesterone then, if AF hasn't started before tomorrow.

I know I should be excited, but after the m/c and the fact that this isn't feeling quite right, well, I just can't be excited. Please wish me luck!

[firefly]

That makes sense Alicia. I'd want to be sure that there was no chance of the cancer re-accuring. Even if you don't connect the pokes with the u/s it's still frustrating I'm sure to have to schedule that time every week. So here's hoping your beta's drop only 1 pt this week shhh I'm doing reverse psychology on your betas :o

[Eric's Wife]

MLA: Good luck at the doctor tomorrow! I hope this one sticks!

[Sophia]

MLA, I'll be thinking postitive thoughts for you.

[hiphopgirl]

MLA...and I'm crossing all of my crossables for you :)

Alanna - I'm sorry this has been so hard for you.

Alicia - I can see where a possible cancer diagnosis puts things in perspective. It sounds like you are on the right track with the continued testing. Here's hoping that they get to zero -- and stay at zero.

Lolly - I hope things go well at your u/s.

[MLA]

Thanks, everyone, for the good thoughts.

I'll update you w/an x-post from my LJ. Hope you don't mind!

Well, I woke up this morning, and still no AF. I took another test, and the line's darker, though still very faint. I'd call it more of a "p" than a "BFP". I also had a temperature drop this morning. I'm still spotting now, though the cramping's gone. Ugh. Anyway, I have an appointment at the local midwive's practice today at 11a to get a blood test to confirm the pregnancy and to check my progesterone levels. I'm not holding out a lot of hope, though. Besides the spotting and cramping, there's also the fact that I don't have ANY signs of pregnancy (and last time by this time I did). So, I'm not sure what to think. For the most part I'm either numb about it, or I'm completely freaked out and sad. Wish me luck at the doctor!

[docoNY]

MLA sending you all the luck possible!!

[ahavnes]

MLA-Crossing everything possible for you! It could just be implantation spotting. :)

Alanna-I'm sorry you're still going through this ordeal. I hope things continue to "look good" from the doctor's perspective and that you don't need surgery so that you can start to heal and move past this as much as possible.

Lolly-Hoping Wednesday goes well!

Firefly-Love the "reverse psychology!" :)

[Alanna]

Hi everyone!

I have good news this morning!

I just talked to my m/w's office and my numbers have *finally* dropped! I guess the misoprostol worked.

I went from 110 on monday to 14.1 on friday.

I was crying on the phone I was so relieved.

Hopefully I am finally past all the waiting and stress that has gone with this...

I am waiting to officially find out what comes next ( the receptionist read me my numbers) ... but i am expecting that i will have to get bloodwork done again in a week or so to make sure i am close or at 0...

I want to have some preliminary testing done on me in the next cycle since this was my second unsuccessful pregnancy in a row....

anyway - I thought i would spread the good news.... :)

____________________________________________

MLA - I am thinking of you and am thinking all positive thoughts! I hope you have a good and reassuring dr's visit!

[Lolly]

MLA, wishing you lots of good luck at today's appointment!

Alanna, I'm glad today's appointment was a good one for you :)

Thanks for all the well wishes. I'm going to call and confirm I will definitely be getting a sonogram at the appt. on Wednesday. And morngin sickness has kicked in (something I didn't have with DD, or with the MC). So that's a good sign, right?!

[MLA]

Alanna -- I'm so happy that things seem to be progressing well for you!

Lolly -- I'd say morning sickness is a VERY good sign, indeed!

Update on my situation, x-posted from my LJ:

So, I went to the doctor. More confused than before. My urine pregnancy test there was negative. This isn't too surprising, though, because I drank a goodly amount of herbal tea before my appointment. I wanted to make sure I could give them a urine sample. Unfortunately, I ended up diluting my sample w/all that darned tea -- it was nearly clear. The midwife did a pelvic exam. She was able to swab out the blood that was at my cervix (all brown -- nothing new, which is good) and get a good look. She said my cervix is closed. She also felt my uterus and said that it's a bit larger than normal (again, good). She looked over my charts, which was nice -- it's always good to feel like your medical practicioner actually pays attention, ya know? Anyway, they drew blood to do a quantitative pregnancy test and test progesterone levels. I'll know tomorrow afternoon if I am, in fact, pregnant and if I need progesterone.

Thanks for all the well wishes. I appreciate it!

[GlamaGal]

Lolly- I think it is a very good sign. I too had no m/s w/ the m/c.

MLA- everything sounds very good!

[miel]

Hi--

I haven't posted here before. I'm sorry for everyone's loss. It is hard. I am finding that whenever I think I am over it it turns out that it affects me more than I realize.

I have to talk about something somewhat sensitive but it is upsetting to me and I hope people will not be too judgmental.

I just lost a pregnancy a week ago I also had sex during the last part of the mc. The doctor did not tell me not to have sex and I know it sounds incredibly stupid, but I did not think about it. I did not think it would be bad. I know you are probably thinking I am a complete idiot. I feel like an idiot.

I don't know why the doctor did not tell me.

I found out you are not supposed to do this when I was trying to figure out whether I could actually be ovulating. I have EWCM right now. It is definitely EWCM and not any kind of discharge or anything. I wasn't thinking I would get pregnant but I guess I will treat the time until I start my next cycle as a 2WW and avoid all medication or advil or anything.

The reason I am concerned is that I fear infection. I am already pretty infertile so anything else might totally do me in. Also, when I was looking around I saw that getting pregnant without waiting a cycle leaves you at risk for another miscarriage. I doubt I would get pregnant but I just worry about this.

Some of my worrying could be caused by my hormones being all over the place. I had some postpartum trouble previously. I seem to react strongly to hormones.

Do you think I did something awful? What should I do now? Should I just see if they will give me antibiotics just in case?

[MLA]

Miel -- I'm sorry for your loss. I don't think you did anything awful. I didn't even know that having sex towards the end of miscarriage was bad. How far along were you when you miscarried? I know that for early miscarriages, there's no evidence to support the idea that getting pregnant the cycle immediately following will lead to another miscarriage. Most doctors ask you to wait out that cycle because that one's usually pretty wacky, which can make dating the pregnancy sort of difficult.

As for what you should do? If I were you, I'd call your doctor and tell him/her what you told us. Ask if you can be put on antibiotics just in case. Your doctor will let you know if you have anything to worry about at all.

ETA: The only reason that I'm suggesting you call your doctor, by the way, is that I think it will help ease your mind. I don't think there's actually anything wrong.

[allison]

Miel, I'd definitely call your doctor. I'm sure you'll be okay, but it can't hurt to check. :)

MLA, I'm really crossing my fingers for you!!! Can't wait until tomorrow for you!

Lolly, congratulations! Morning sickness is a good sign!

Alanna, I'm relieved for you too! Great news :)

I'm missing SO's for a lot of you, I'm so sorry!

I do have some good news. Friday I was coming home and my RE's office called me. Before I found out I was pregnant, I called and made an appointment with them and then never canceled it. It was until October 22nd. Well, it turns out they had an opening for Tuesday (tomorrow!)!!!!!!!!!! I'm so happy about this. I still have an appointment with my regular obgyn this Friday and I'm not going to cancel that, since I know I'm to get a pelvic exam then in regards to my M/C. I'm just so happy to get in to see my RE earlier.

[MLA]

I'm glad you'll get to see your RE earlier than you'd thought, allison. I hope the appointment goes well!

[Taylandra]

MLA- I'll be crossing my fingers for you! Hope to hear good news from the blood test results.

Alanna- Also glad to hear that you got good news from your appointment!

Miel- Not that I know a whole lot about dos and don'ts of miscarriages, but I didn't know about the no sex thing. It didn't sound stupid to me at all. I hope that everything is okay and you get some peace of mind.

Lolly- Congrats on the symptoms!

[MLA]

Test results in:

HCG 45 (at 14 DPO, so it's low)
Progesterone 14 (on the low side of normal)

Have to go back in on Thursday for another blood draw. Should know on Friday what's up.

Got a prescription for progesterone because I wanted it.

Still spotting. The cramping's pretty much gone, and I have "twingeing," instead.

And I'm tired. I just want to really be pregnant or not. This in between stuff sucks.

[hiphopgirl]

MLA - a cautious congratulations. I don't know, it doesn't sound that low to me. Even if it were, there may also be reasons that it is low. I hope the progesterone does it's stuff.

Miel - add me to the list of people who didn't know you weren't supposed to have sex at the end of a m/c. I had a D&C so I knew I was on pelvic rest, but I didn't think the same rules applied to people who m/c naturally.

Allison - That's great news. I hope your RE appt goes well.

Lolly - I'd say that's a good sign. Keeping everything crossed for you.

Alanna - I'm glad to hear that your numbers are going down.

Quick Question - This is probably a weird question, but heck I'm in a weird place right now. Is it possible to m/c (ie. start bleeding) if you are taking progesterone supplements or will your body hang on to whatever "remnants" of the pregnancy exist until you stop taking it? I guess what I'm wondering is if the reason I haven't been bleeding is because I'm still taking 100mg of progesterone/daily in the attempt to keep the hope alive. I thought I remembered someone in here (maybe it was MLA) who m/c even though she was taking progesterone. (sorry if that's a sensitive subject.)

I guess the ultimate question that I'm coming to is whether or not I should just stop taking it. On the one hand if it's the one thing that is keeping the baby alive then I should keep taking it. On the other hand, if I do have a blighted ovum is it just prolonging an eventual m/c?

If it is a blighted ovum, I wonder at what point my body should have started "cleaning house" so to speak. I guess I've heard of cases of a blighted ovum at 12 weeks, but it would seem to me that it would happen before then, right?

The nurse called today to find out why I didn't get my labs last week. I told her that I wasn't ready to find out about a m/c yet because I still felt pregnant and I hadn't been bleeding at all. I told her that I didn't think it was medically necessary for me to get my Betas. She said that it was medically necessary because they needed to get my numbers down to zero. EXCUSE ME? I just finished telling her that I was still pretty convinced that I was pregnant but she's already written this pregnancy off and she's ready to move on to the next one. That kind of ticked me off. I don't know, maybe it doesn't make sense to anyone else on here since the theme here seems to be getting numbers down to zero. I guess I'm just not there yet.

[miel]

Hiphopgirl I'm so sorry that nurse was so rude to you. I had one rude nurse and it was hard...it does make such a difference how they treat you.

I don't know the answer to your question. My hcg levels were not good fairly early on but I had a lot of progesterone in my system and my body did hang on for a while. But I don't know if that is why. My doctor said to stop taking the folic acid in order to hasten the process and I did do that.

[miel]

Thanks to people who said they didn't know either about the no sex after mc. That makes me feel much better! It is so hard to think that I might do something to hurt any future pregnancies.

[Lolly]

miel, I had a D&C and was only told to avoid sex for 2 weeks. So, I don't think you did anything wrong. But its good to call your doc. just for reassurance.

hiphopgirl, that nurse was rude and insensitive. When do you go back to the doctor again? I don't know anything about progesterone. But I do know that a blighted ovum will hang on for a while before your body realizes whats up. I'm still continuing to hope for the best for you though.

MLA, I wouldn't give up hope yet. Your numbers were my numbers at roughly 10 DPO. I think they're still pretty good. Besides numbers can be all over the place and still have a healthy pregnancy.

Allison, that's great that you still get to see your RE.

me, saw my OB today. Measuring at exactly 6 weeks and saw some flickering (HB) but my doc didn't measure it. He said if I came in yesterday we may not have seen it yet. Anyway, to help ease my mind I'm going in for another U/S in two more weeks (I'll be 8w then). He thinks it will be fine since I am measuring exactly where I should be. Yet, I still can't relax about it yet. Magically my MS improved after my appt. today (but it still seems to be here). I think this morning was worse because I was stressing about the appointment today.

[MLA]

lolly-- Wonderful news about the heartbeat! I'm really happy for you. :)

hiphop -- It wasn't me who miscarried while on progesterone, and I don't know the answer to your question, really. From what I understand, if you're going to miscarry due to something other than a lack of uterine lining, you'll miscarry with or without progesterone, but I don't know if progesterone supplements slow the process down or not. I'm hoping the best for you. And, by the way, that nurse was WAY out of line. You should complain. She shouldn't be saying things like that to anyone. Unbelievable.

me -- I'm feeling more optimistic today. My temp shot up this morning - and I hadn't even started the progesterone, yet. I'll be starting it tonight. I'm not having any more cramping, and now my uterus feels "full." Unfortunately I'm still spotting, but it's all brown and a bit less than before. We'll see what tomorrow's blood draw brings. I'm hoping for good news.

[miel]

Thanks to everyone. I got checked. I appear to be fine.

MLA I am keeping my fingers and toes crossed for you to get good news.

[cr8zyforaf]

I am joining. I found out today (at what I thought was 11w2d) that there was no development since my last ultrasound last Monday (that only showed me at 6w5d) and no heartbeat (we saw a heartbeat last Monday).

I am scheduled for a D&C on Monday - can someone tell me what to expect?

I am in shock right now.....I don't even know what I should feel.

[cr8zyforaf]

I forgot my stats:

cr8zyforaf
me: 34
DH: 33
Married May 2002
DD September 2005
TTC: May 2007
m/c: September 2004, 11w2d, d&c

[Sand]

cr8zyforaf - I am so so sorry for your loss. Please know we are here for you for any support you need.

[MLA]

cr8zyforaf, I'm so sorry for your loss. I just hate that this happens. It's not fair. Not fair at all. Hugs to you.

I don't know anything about D&C, though I know some of the ladies in this thread have had it.

[miel]

cr8zyforaf So so so sorry. Take care of yourself.

[docoNY]

cr8zyforaf I am so sorry for you loss and we were in a similiar situation.
I found out at 10wk the baby stopped at 6wks and had a d&c

I will pm you.. it really wasn't that bad compared to all of what you are going through

((hugs))

[Annette]

I am back from vacation... I'm so sorry to all the new members who had to join this thread.

hiphop-I was the one who miscarried while taking the progesterone. My HCG was not doubling but the doctor was holding out hope, so the draw I had a week later, the #'s were dropping and I miscarried. I was on 200mg prog daily.

me: We just got back from vacation last night and it was great! Of course now its back to the real world and work next week.

[firefly]

Miel, my first mc was sept 11, (2001) My dd was concieved October 30th (2001) I had no af between my m/c and my dd I was just monitored closer in the beginning so they could date the pregnancy.

[ahavnes]

Cr8zy- Your story sounds so much like mine. I am so, so sorry for what you are going through. I had a d&c at 11w3d after finding out that our previously healthy baby had died. I will PM you about the surgery, but I found the actual surgery part to be the easiest thing to deal with. Hugs to you!

[ThreeYell]

cr8zy, I'm so sorry. :(

[Sand]

HipHop - Two of my miscarriages were while I was taking progesterone.

I did the same thing. Wanted to keep taking them just in case you know...and I did. I did until my betas were going down for certain and then I stopped. I'm still crossing my fingers for you.

[firefly]

Alicia when are you going in for the next draw (I swear I'm not stalking you just wanted to keep some positive ... um negative? (that's going down right) thoughts going your way)

I don't think I"m very funny but I try. :)

[ahavnes]

firefly- I don't think you're stalking. :) I appreciate that you remember! You would be amazed (or maybe not ;)) at how many people act like nothing is going on. Even family. :rolleyes: Anyway, tomorrow is the big day. I am definitely getting the "0" vibe...not that that means anything since I am always wrong.

[Lolly]

cr8zyforaf, I'm so, so, sorry you're dealing with this. I had a D&C and like Alicia said, that was the easy part.

Alicia, thinking of you today.

[cr8zyforaf]

Thank you all so much for your kind words and all of your support. DocoNY and ahavens - thank you for the PM's....thank you from the bottom of my heart. My procedure (funny how everyone who calls me says 'procedure') is Monday at noon. I just want it to be over. I hate my body for being so stupid to hang on to this - I am not even bleeding or cramping.

Lolly - that is such great news about the heartbeat - you give me hope.

MLA - I am thinking of you and hope like crazy this is it for you. Please keep us posted.

hiphopgirl - that nurse is an *ss. I think you need to do whatever feels right for you.

Allison - I am glad you got in to see your RE. Please keep us posted.

ahavens - I will think good thoughts - I hope your numbers are at ZERO!

I am sorry if I forgot anyone.

[MLA]

cr8zyforaf -- I hope Monday goes well for you. Isn't it weird how sometimes our bodies just do the craziest things? I'm sorry you're going to have to get a D&C, but based on what the other ladies in the thread have said, I'm glad it doesn't sound like too bad a procedure. And since you asked, here's an update on me:

I spoke w/the midwife this morning. My HCG level's up to 334 (it needed to be up to at least 90 to be considered moving in the right direction), and my progesterone's up to 17.8, which is really, really great. The reason I'm so excited about the progesterone is that it means I don't have to take the progesterone supplement anymore (that rise came before I'd started taking the supplement). I took the supplement for the first time last night, and as the label warned, I was dizzy and light headed. Well, I woke up at about 5:30a with a terrible headache and feeling totally nauseated. The headache felt like a migraine, and it's still here (as is the nausea). Fortunately, it's not as bad as it was at 5:30a, now, but I feel pretty cruddy. The midwife told me I could stop taking the prometrium since I'd only taken it one day, so I wouldn't go through any withdrawal. Anyway, we're not out of the woods yet because I'm still spotting, so the midwife's very concerned. I'm going to keep going in for blood draws, and once my HCG level reaches 2000, I'll be able to go in for an ultrasound to make sure everything's okay. But I'll take what good news I can get, and I'm going to try to stop worrying about what could happen and just be happy that for right now, things are looking a bit better.

[ahavnes]

Thank you all for the "zero" vibes for my draw today!

MLA-So glad things are going in the right direction!! :)

Cr8zy-I know how you feel, I think. I didn't have any bleeding or cramping either and still had m/s. I was so mad at my body for not being "smart" enough to figure it out. But, I keep telling myself that at least I have a body that is really good at maintaining a pregnancy, whether it's viable or not. That could prove useful if there's a next time. ;)

[MLA]

AHavnes -- Lots of 0 vibes to you today!

And this:
at least I have a body that is really good at maintaining a pregnancy, whether it's viable or not. That could prove useful if there's a next time. ;)
is an awesome way to look at it. :)

[Annette]

MLA-I'm glad things are looking up for you. keep us posted.
Cr8zy-I'm so sorry for your loss. Good luck on Monday.
ahavnes-Hope your beta's are at 0.

Sorry if I forgot anyone.

me: Well, my first due date is coming up in 2 weeks and some of my former thread buddies have already had their babies. I hope to get my HSG done in a few weeks and we'll start trying again in late Oct/Nov, so maybe a July baby for me? I thought we would be having our first baby by 30, but now it looks like it will be closer to 31.

[allison]

Hi everyone, I'm sorry I haven't been back to update.
cr8zyforaf I'm so sorry. I'll be thinking of you Monday.
MLA I'm so glad your levels went up, and hope they continue to rise!
ahavnes Hoping for a big fat 0 for you!
Annette I'm having my HSG done in few weeks as well. Hopefully a July baby for both of us!

Me: I just got back from my last visit with my regular doctor. Looks like I had a chemical pregnancy. She said my betas never rose above 38 and are at 0 now so I should be able to ttc my next cycle.

I had my first visit with my RE this past Tuesday. I love him, he's so nice and understanding and really took the time to explain things to me. I'm to call on my CD1, have a blood draw CD2, schedule my HSG and have a CD21 prog. test. The best thing about all of this, is that I already have all of my paperwork for this and just have to schedule my appointments. With my regular doc, I wouldn't get any paperwork in advance and would have to call several times before someone would call me back. Then I'd have to go to the office to get the paperwork before I could have anything done. This is a huge relief for me.

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - I have my fingers and toes crossed for you. My mom spotted the entire pregnancy with my sister (who is now 30) and my sister spotted for the first 4 months with my nephew (who is now 1). Keep the faith (I know it is hard).

Annette - I am so sorry. I can't even go into the April 08 thread. I can imagine how difficult this is for you. It is so hard to see our plans go off course - I wanted no more than 3 years between my DD and siblings...now I don't even know if I want to try again. I also wanted to have my first much younger than I what I did (I was almost 33 when I delivered) and now I am pushing 35...I feel my window is slamming shut right before my eyes.

and yes, ahavens - that is a fantastic way to look at it. It is just so freaking hard to put a positive spin on anything right now.

I just lost my first furbaby - Bailey - we had to put him down on Aug 15 due to a diagnosis out of nowhere - acute leukemia/lymphoma - this baby was conceived the weekend before he died....I thought it was my last little gift from my baby dog. He was only 5...I still cry for him every day - and now this. (and I am certainly not comparing the loss of my dog to this loss..and if am offending anyone, please tell me and I will remove this comment)...

[cr8zyforaf]

allison - I cross posted - that is good news. DD was an HSG baby....it sounds like you are on the right path.

[MLA]

Annette -- I bet that first due date has to be hard. Lots of hugs to you.

Allison -- Glad to hear that you'll be able to ttc again soon!

cr8zyforaf -- I'm so sorry about your dog. I have two cats, and I don't know what I'll do when they pass away. It's just so hard. I love them so much, and I know you loved Bailey. Losing him, followed by this m/c has to be really hard. :(

[Alanna]

MLA - Your numbers sound great!!! I have all my fingers and toes crossed for you :)

cr8zyforaf -I am so sorry to hear of your loss.



It is so hard to see our plans go off course - I wanted no more than 3 years between my DD and siblings...now I don't even know if I want to try again. I also wanted to have my first much younger than I what I did (I was almost 33 when I delivered) and now I am pushing 35...I feel my window is slamming shut right before my eyes. I could have written this exact same thing. I'm 34 going on 35 too and I had *really* wanted there to be about 2 years between children. the baby we lost with our first miscarriage would have been that... now that i have had this complicated chemical pregancy we are pushing the 3 year mark and i dont even know if we will make that given all the troubles we have had... i really wanted to have the option of having a 3rd baby but now i feel like that is in jeopardy. It's so hard watching the months go by. :(

and for the record... we had a scare this week with my cat (she is 17 so we live day to day around here) - and I can tell you I completely understand where you are coming from and you have my deepest sympathy on the loss of your sweet dog.

Allison - I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I am glad you seem to be in good hands though and have a good plan in place.

Annette - I am so sorry that your DD is coming up. It's all hard enough for us without those reminders.

ahavnes - thinking 0 for you!

----------------------------------------------------

As for me... I finally spoke to my midwife...

I am going in to have HcG levels done next week (fingers crossed for 0) and then once i am under 5 I will make an appt for one last pelvic exam... and then we can do the blood draw to start checking for issues....

[docoNY]

flyby - work is killing me - totally fried..

I hear you all on the plan change issues sucking.. that is tortures me now..
every once in a while if I think about it I get very blue

we started ttc for #2 when DD was 1 cause of my age - figured if we had 2 under 2 we would deal and then when we were pg and she would have been exactly 2.5 when the baby was born and thought we were lucky/happy.. that is a good age diff and now we are back to square 1

I will be 38 in Nov and DH is 40 - we are both from families of 3 and I would love 3 children but I have given up on that - just want #2 asap since I am getting older by the day ;)
bleah

[Sand]

Doco - I'm still full of hope that you will have that second kiddo!!

Alanna - fingers crossed for 0's for you!

cr8zyforaf - I hear you on the plans going off kilter. It will be two years and 4 lost promises in November/December. It just kills me that I just keep getting older and still nothing. How are you feeling today? Thinking about you. I remember clear as day when they said the u/s was measuring weeks behind.

Allison - I am SO happy for you that you love your RE. Yea!

Annette - Take care of yourself as your due date comes near. Thinking of you.

ahavnes - more vibes from over here!!

MLA - great, GREAT news!!!! :)

[MLA]

Quick question for you ladies . . . For the most part my DH has been great in helping me deal w/the m/c and the craziness that is me now that I'm pregnant again. Unfortunately, he doesn't always say the right thing. I just don't think he understands what it is that I'm going through. He doesn't understand my fear and the fact that sometimes I just have to give into that fear. Do you have any suggestions for something I could give him to read that might help him understand a bit better how to help me? I hate even implying that he's not been great -- because he has, but I think he could use a little help. And I think I'm too "in" the situation to really offer it to him.

[Sand]

Would writing it down in a letter help at all? I'll keep my eye out and look around for you.

[Sand]

MLA - here are two things i just quickly found. I didnt read through them both completly. The pdf might be more for a womans information (not you specifically... I was enlightened)

http://www.ourmiscarriage.com/coping_with_miscarriage.html

www.miscarriageassociation.org.uk/ma2006/information/leaflets/menmisc.pdf

My DH doesnt talk about any of the 4 losses. He is great to ME about it, but it does not get talked about unless I bring it up.

[miel]

Sand

Wow, that is so interesting. I had all those things. I hadn't realized it was common, I thought it was just me who did that.

MLA I wish I knew of a book but I don't. Still, it is common for men and women to differ on the optimism/pessimism thing. Knowing this helped me and my husband deal with our differences. I tend to anticipate bad things, feel fear and stuff and he cannot always relate to this but I think he found some study somewhere that showed that women are more likely, when something bad happens, to expect that same bad thing to happen again. I'll ask him if he knows where he saw it. I guess it made him more accepting of my tendency to expect the worst or be fearful of it anyway.

[Annette]

MLA-I wish I had some advice for you, but I don't. DH doesn't understand my fear either. The losses were so abstract for him at least that's what he tells me.

sand-my Dh is like that too.

As for me, now I'm more pessimistic about getting pg again. I hope to get in touch with the doctor today to discuss b/w results.

[ThreeYell]

MLA - I haven't come across any helpful books or articles either. I was going to say what Annette said, that the loss was more abstract for DH. Since I didn't look very pregnant and he never felt the baby move it was still an idea to him. Because of that we were coming from very different places dealing with it. We did go to a counselor together to talk about it, though we ended up spending most of the time talking about issues with MIL. ;) I guess the only thing that's worked for me is to be very clear when I know I'm being irrational or hormonal but that I can't help but feel how I'm feeling. I ask him not to try to fix what's going on. Sometimes I even tell him that I don't want him to say anything, only hug me. Yeah, it'd be great if he knew what to do without me telling him but I think that's too much to ask.

As far as the fear with the new pregnancy, I think that's just the difference between being the mama and being the daddy. That's the fear that becomes part of your soul when you get pregnant and it never leaves. It was interesting to me that right after I lost this baby my biggest emotion was fear for my son. I had nightmares every night that something happened to him. I wouldn't let him out of my sight. It must be part of the mama bear instinct. In order to protect our kids we have to be aware of all the stuff that can happen to them and, especially at the beginning of a pregnancy, those bad things can feel overwhelming.

[MLA]

Thanks, everyone, for the advice. I'm glad to know that I'm not alone in this. Like I said, DH is great, but he just doesn't know how to deal w/my irrational fears. We had a talk last night, and I basically told him that he can't fix things, and he needs to stop trying. This:

Yeah, it'd be great if he knew what to do without me telling him but I think that's too much to ask.
is exactly where we are right now.

Sand, thanks for those links. I think they're actually quite helpful. :)

And ThreeYell -- crap, you mean the fear never leaves? This could be bad. I'm going to have to figure out how to cope w/it.

[ahavnes]

Just popping in with my results from Friday's tumor check. It came back at....ONE! :mad: :mad: :mad:

Seriously, WTF? In 10 days it only went down 2 points? The nurse said she thought that one was good enough to switch to monthly, but was going to check with the OB. I distinctly remember him saying that 0 meant 0 though--and that's what all of the literature I have read says. This just feels so anti-climactic. For 11 weeks I have been trying to get to 0 and end up at one? It feels like coming in second place or something. :o I can't describe it.

I am also wondering why I have only gone down 8 points in 4 weeks. :confused: Is that weird? Does that mean some of the tumor is still in there (I don't think so, but who knows??), or does everyone have trace amounts of HCG in their system? Those of you who have had your HCG checked, did you ever actually get to zero?

[MLA]

Oh, Alicia! I can't believe it. One? That just sucks. I'm sorry. It must be so frustrating to be so close and not have yet gotten to zero. Are you planning to talk w/your OB soon?

[ThreeYell]

Crap, Alicia. I'm so sorry. How absolutely annoying and unfair.

[firefly]

Alicia, mine went down to 0. From after the d& c to 0 was like 6 weeks. but my hcg topped out at like 150 . With a couple of my other m/c they only cared if it went down to 5. (5 was considered 'lab negative' )

I guess it got my reverse psychology wrong. This week I hope your numbers go down by zero ?

Have you been posting on mymolarpregnancy.com? do they have any better answers for you?

[Annette]

Alicia-How frustrating for you to be going through this. {{{hugs}}} To answer your question, my HCG was at 0 after this last m/c. Took 4 weeks.

me: Well I called the doctor today and apparently my b/w results were confusing??? WTH that means, I don't know. So now I have an appt with the hematologist on Friday to go over the results and get more b/w done. So now this needs to be squared away before I get the HSG, so now I don't know when we can resume TTC. I'm just frustrated right now and upset and of course thinking the worst possible things.

[Annette]

Great... Just found out our friends are expecting their 3rd baby.

[cr8zyforaf]

Annette - I am so sorry. Is that all they said?? It was 'confusing'? Can't they get you in any sooner than Friday??? I am so sorry.

Alicia - I am so sorry - I have no advice. I always thought anything under a 5 was negative (or the same as zero) ...I can't imagine how frustrating this is.

Alanna - thanks for sharing your story (re..plans flying off course)..it is frustrating. And I am sorry about your kitty...it is amazing the impact that animals have..they are really one of the family.

docoNY - I am with you - I wanted 4 children...not happening now.

Sand - I am so sorry for all of your losses. Hang in there....we have to keep the hope.

MLA - Is there anyway that your midwife can talk to your hubby. As part of the process today - My doctor (whom I just love) had a very candid conversation with DH while I was in recovery...and he is like a different person this evening (not that he was bad...he has been very good..but he is also trying to fix the situation or harping on the fact that this happened for a reason which made me mad)....she went over how men and women deal with this very differently and he needed to understand that the procedure today didn't mean this was 'over'...that the months ahead would be very hard for me. I am rambling...with really no good advice...maybe talking to your midwife would help him. BTW, how are you feeling? I thought a lot about you today and I hope you are well.

Procedure went fine..I feel better knowing the physical procedure is behind me. A lot of crying today and I am sure much to come. My SIL is due in January...she wanted to come see me and I just can't deal. She wanted to take DD today to be helpful and I told her no...again, I just can't see her right now. I am laying low...avoiding everyone- I hate people looking at me with pity...most people don't know what to say.

I have a follow up in two weeks...she wants me to keep taking my prenatals which I don't want to do. And DH's cousin called me today - she is young...and says 'so does this mean the Vegas trip is back on for May?'..I was due in April and she was angry when she found out because I ruined the plans....Vegas is the last thing I feel like doing - another reminder of what I no longer have.

[cr8zyforaf]

Annette - crossed posted. I am so sorry....

[Annette]

cra8zy-Thanks. Yeah, I'll have to wait till Friday, unfortunately. I'm glad your procedure went well. I understand the crying. Just had another crying episode myself. I stopped the prenatals as soon as I miscarried.

Doesn't it suck that no one in real life, at least for me truly understands what we're all going through? This place helps so much.

[Lolly]

I'm behind in here again...

Alicia, I don't know what to say. I just feel bad that you're not at zero yet. I didn't get any more blodd draws after my D&C. And since I got my period about 4 weeks later, I'm assuming I was at zero then?!

cr8zyforaf, thinking of you today. I'm glad the midwife talked to your DH.

[Taylandra]

Lolly, don't feel bad-I'm behind after being out of town a few days!

Annette- Ack...I'm sorry all they can say is "confusing." They could at least try and explain what is confusing or what may be going on. I know it's not easy, but I hope that you can relax at least a little before Friday.

Alicia- How frustrating! Crossing all my crossables that it takes that last step to 0 very, VERY soon!

MLA- Just wanted to chime in that I was thinking about you today and I hope that everything is going well.

Cr8zyforaf- I'm sorry this was a rough time for you...I was co-hosting a baby shower yesterday and all weekend I felt like pregnant women were following me around. It was tough and I didn't really expect to have the reaction that I had. Not to mention I felt like the people we told were just on tip toes around me. It really sucks that your cousin had that attitude...*hugs* to you!

If anyone lives in TN and is TTC/thinking about TTC soon, you may want to check out www.mom2be.org. They send you a pregnancy test every month if you qualify and they are studying early pregnancy health. I joined today and it sounds like a neat study, so I wanted to pass along the info.

[tealynn]

Tealynn, 36
TTCing since May '06
Married: 9/03
M/C: 5/31/06, @ 6 weeks
M/C#2: 9/23/07 @ 7 weeks

Joining but feeling kind of quiet at the moment. I'm having a hard time getting myself to go in and have my bloodwork done. I had a total of 6 or 7 beta tests done when I thought I was PG and could take it, but now that I'm waiting for the numbers to go down and not up, I'm not as motivated.

[docoNY]

Cr8zyforaf I was thinking of you yesterday and I totally hear you on the laying low

I have moments of it still - I can't handle meeting new people if they are pg/talking to them.. just can't do it

anyway I am up to my eyeballs at work and have to run

but did have to say alicia UGH! you poor thing.. that truly sucks!

[cr8zyforaf]

tealynn - I am so so sorry.

[Lolly]

tealynn, I'm sorry for your losses :(

[MLA]

tealynn, I'm so, so sorry. :(

[docoNY]

tealynn I missed your post earlier - I am so sorry for your loss

[GlamaGal]

Hi, ladies. I am very behind in checking on this thread...but you've all been in my thoughts & prayers.

Alicia- my OB office said as long as my blood draw was below 2 it was ok. I can only imagine how frustrated you are. You just need to get to that 0 and then know what to do from there so you can put this all behind you. {HUGS}
cr8zy- Big hugs to you, too. That does not sound like much fun. I think maybe you're crying b/c the finality of it all has set in? I hope DH is sweet to you and your child is a lot of comfort as well.
Annette- Wow. This has been a long process for you. I think you are very strong going through all of this. I hope you know something soon. I always feel better with facts to go on. I too found out a friend was having a 3rd right after my m/c and to top it off, she was/is due on the day our m/c baby would have been born.
tealynn- so, so sorry for your losses. I hope you find great support (I know you will) on this thread.

[Sand]

tealynn - I am so sorry. :(

Alicia - My RE's office said anything under 5 was considered 0 too. Any chance you could ask why it absolutely has to be AT 0? I'm so sorry for this frustration. Wish I could take it away.

[ThreeYell]

tealynn, I'm so sorry. :(

[Annette]

tealynn-I'm so sorry :( {{{hugs}}}

[Taylandra]

tealynn- I want to echo the *hugs*...I'm so sorry for your loss!

[ahavnes]

Thank you ladies for the input. I think that it has to be at "0" b/c the level of hcg determines how active the tumor is and/or if there is any left in my uterus. I think for TTC purposes, anything below 5 is considered negative and is fine. However, for checking the presence of a tumor, we need a 0 to be sure nothing is hiding out in there. :o

tealynn- I'm so sorry for your loss.

[miel]

Tealynn I'm very sorry. I hope it gets to 0 soon.

[Annette]

We haven't heard from hiphopor alootikki in awhile. I hope you two are ok.

[Lolly]

We haven't heard from hiphopor alootikki in awhile. I hope you two are ok.

Annette, you're right. I hope so too.

[Tiniest Angels]

UPDATED

[ThreeYell]

Me too, Annette.

Tested and got a BFN this morning. One step forward, two steps back. It feels like every cycle where I don't get pregnant brings me right back to square one. I honestly thought I would get pregnant again as soon as we started trying. :(

[cr8zyforaf]

threeyell - I am sorry.

[GlamaGal]

threeyell- I'm sorry. That SUCKS.

I too was thinking of Hiphop and alootikki yesterday when I checked in. In this case, I hope no news is good news.

[Alanna]

ThreeYell - So sorry for the BFN. :(

Tealynn - So sorry to hear about your loss ((Hugs)).

ahavnes - How frustrating! I will have my fingers crossed for you that the next draw brings you finally to 0.

Crazyforaf - i can't believe your DH's cousin was so insensitive. honestly - I really can't believe what comes out of some people's mouths.

__________________________________________________ ____________

me - Im still in a holding pattern. I have to go in for an HCG blooddraw again this week. I am thinking that I will go in on friday - i figure the longer I wait hopefully the better the results will be. My favorite midwife is on vacation this week and next so i am hoping that i will be able to see her for my final pelvic the week after next.

in other news... i have about 17 people on my FL over on LJ that are pregnant. I swear to god someone anounces a BFP just about every day... I am trying so hard to be happy for everyone. I am happy for them... but sometimes its hard to show it. I keep thinking about if i hadnt had my miscarriage in june how I would be so far along now. :(

[tealynn]

Thanks ladies, for the kind words. It means alot.

Alanna, it sucks to wait for the numbers. I still haven't gone in for blood work and it's been over a week. And I definitely don't want to deal w/ the internal right now.

Threeyell, BFNs are so crushingly disappointing. I've seen far too many of them.

Annette, did you find out what was so confusing about your bloodwork yet?

Ahavnes, keeping fingers crossed for a 0 very soon.

cr8zyforaf , glad the procedure is behind you. People just don't realize that even though they mean well, the things they do and say are hurtful. I would imagine having your DD w/ you is more of a comfort than a hassle.

I feel like I still have some hormones hanging around. I completely snapped at this woman I work with yesterday. It was pretty uncalled for and not like me. Of course, I can't just say "expect some rough days ahead due to my m/c." I had to really apologize to her today.

Can somebody please remind me that there's a very good reason for my ob to monitor my bloodwork? I really just don't want to go.

[alootikki]

Hi ladies! A little bird told me to check in here :)

I'm doing well, although not yet pregnant. I'm sorry I've been neglecting this thread - I just kind of needed a real break away from constantly thinking (um, obsessing?!) about TTC. I was/am genuinely so very happy for everyone who have gottten BFPs here - but it was getting hard being one of the "older" members who is still struggling, if that makes any sense. It made me feel even more like "gee, what is so wrong with me that I'm not getting pregnant again immediately after the m/c?!" Going through my would-have-been due date this summer was also tough, and I just kind of retreated for a while - from CC and RL friends as well.

BUT - I'm happy to say that I am in much better spirits these days! I don't know if it was getting through the due date, or starting with an RE (we've done two IUIs so far) and feeling proactive about things, but for whatever reason, things are feeling more positive these days (at least for now ;)) I'm also still doing acupuncture, and recently started yoga.

I'm sorry to see so many new members in here, and that some older members are still here. I am sending many good and healing thoughts to all of you! And I promise I'll check in more!

[ahavnes]

tealynn-Not to scare you, but the OB is probably making sure the numbers do go down. If they don't, that could indicate a problem (like what I have). Better safe than sorry, although I agree it's a real pain.

alootikki-Glad you are in better spirits!

cr8zy-So glad the surgery is done and that it was complication free.

ThreeYell-I'm sorry about the BFN. Could you have tested too early?

Alanna-I hope your numbers go down soon!

[MLA]

ThreeYell – I’m sorry about the BFN. I'm hoping that next cycle is your cycle. I'm really pulling for you!

Alanna -- I hope your blood draw goes well. Isn't it amazing how when you're dealing with a loss it seems EVERYONE in the world is having a perfectly healthy and happy pregnancy?

tealynne -- You probably do have some hormones messing with you. Try to be patient with yourself.

alootikki -- I totally understand your need to retreat for a while. I'm glad to hear that you're feeling better, though.

me -- I got my lab results. The nurse says they look good. They don't look good enough for me to be super-excited about it, though. I was hoping my HCG would be over 2000, but it was at 1408. I'm a little worried because between my first two draws, my numbers went up over 7 times, and there were only 3 days between them. This time it's 5 days between, and I've only increased a bit over 4 times. I'm not sure what that means, but I'm worried about the fact that things may be slowing down. . . But, like I said, the nurse seemed to be happy with the results and really happy that the spotting's stopped. Anyway, since I'm not spotting anymore, they're not worried about a tubal pregnancy, which means I can wait a little while for an ultrasound. They were going to do one as soon as my levels reached 2000 to make sure the embryo was in my uterus and not somewhere else, but now that's not necessary. I should be hearing from the hospital tomorrow to set up my first ultrasound for late next week or early the next. They're hoping that by then they'll actually be able to hear a heartbeat. Hopefully the ultrasound helps calm my nerves.

I hate what my miscarriage did to me. I hate that I can't be excited about this pregnancy. I hate that I'm so filled with fear that even when the nurse tells me that she's happy with my results, I can't help but obsess over the fact that they're not exactly what I was hoping for and that I then jump to the conclusion that things must not actually be okay. Ugh.

[Annette]

alanna-hope your #'s are at 0.
tealynn-I know it sucks going to the ob, but they need to make sure your hcg is less than 5. For me, the waiting room was the hardest part, seeing all the pg women there. Hang in there. I find out Friday what's going on with my blood tests.
alootikki-I am so glad to hear you are in better spirits. You are so right about hitting the due date month. I just hit mine and I've been a wreck most of this week.
mla-Crossing my fingers for you. Keep us posted on your u/s results.

me: not much going on. I'll update friday after my doc appt.

[Sand]

Thank you ladies for the input. I think that it has to be at "0" b/c the level of hcg determines how active the tumor is and/or if there is any left in my uterus. I think for TTC purposes, anything below 5 is considered negative and is fine. However, for checking the presence of a tumor, we need a 0 to be sure nothing is hiding out in there. :o


Makes sense. Here's to a big round ZERO for you then!!

Alootiki - Glad to hear from you. GOOD LUCK!!

MLA - hang in there! Sending good vibes your way.

ME: 2 of 4 baby showers in three months down - halfway done. :rolleyes: Monday started the births...one down, 5 more to go. :( happy for them, but heartbreak city for me.

[miel]

happy for them, but heartbreak city for me.

(((((((((Sand))))))))) I'm so sorry. 5 is a lot...do you think you can skip any?

MLA I do so understand what you are talking about with the fears now that you've had the miscarriage. Your mind is trying to protect you, I think. Either to keep you from getting attached and to keep you alert and aware of danger. It's normal to react that way after something bad happens but it does suck. I am thinking of you.

[tealynn]

Sand, ugh...you've got a lot going on. I feel for you. Be strong but be sad if you need to.

MLA...you're being proactive and doing what you need to. I know how hard it is to believe your nurse that your numbers are good enough, but whether you do or not, it's out of your hands so I would give yourself a break and enjoy the moment (said by someone who never believes their doctors!)

[ThreeYell]

Alanna - I'm thinking of going to hang out in a convent to get away from all the pregnant people. Wanna come? ;) I hope the blood draw goes well.

tealynn - I'm sorry the hormones are still getting you down. I hope that your numbers are dropping quickly and the bloodwork is a one-time thing.

alootikki - Good to "see" you. I'm glad to hear you're in a good place right now. How are you liking yoga? My acupuncturist just left on a month long trip to China and I was wondering if yoga might be a good thing to try instead.

ahavnes - We're going to have to have a party when your numbers get to 0, which I'm confident they will at your next blood draw.

MLA - I'm pulling for you, too! I'm sorry this is so stressful. I hope that you'll get the ultrasound at the end of next week and it will help you feel better.

Annette - Hope things go well at the appointment tomorrow.

Sand - That breaks my heart that you have to put on a brave face for so many people. I can't imagine how hard that is. :(

[alootikki]

Annette ((HUGS)) to you this month. I know it's hard - you will get through this too. Keep us posted on what the dr. has to say!

ThreeYell I think if you find the right class, yoga can be very energizing and relaxing. Or you could just schedule massages during your normal acupuncture times! :)

Sand I'm sorry you have to go through so many baby-related events!! Please don't feel like you have to attend every single event - your own feelings are just as important as your friends'.

miel,tealynn and cr8zyforaf I'm so sorry you had to join this thread.

MLA YAY for good numbers!! I hope the days pass quickly until you get the ultrasound and that concrete reassurance. You're right - it's so unfair that miscarriage robs you of that pure joy and excitement associated with pregnancy. But it sounds like you are on a great track - fingers crossed that things continue to go well!

ahavnes and Alanna I hope both of your numbers go down to zero, NOW! :)

Hi to GlamaGal, Lolly and docoNY! Hope you are all doing well!

Sorry if I missed anyone...

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - You are in my thoughts. I hope you can relax and enjoy this time...I know how hard it will be. And yes, it is horrible what going through this can do to us. I was so excited to give Ash a sibling..and now, the thought of trying to get pregnant again makes me physically sick.

ahavens and alanna - I am hoping you guys get a big fat ZERO soon. I can't imagine how frustrating it must be.

Sand - I am so sorry you have so many baby related events to go to - I wouldn't feel obligated to attend - I am sure people will understand. I am going to bail on a few baby showers - between that and the holiday's, I just can't put on a happy face.

Threeyell - I hear yoga is great...it is worth a shot at least.

I am sorry if I've missed anyone..today was my first day back at work and I am slammed.

I've decided I am joining a gym near work...over the last 4 months, I've put on 20 pounds (thinking, oh, I am pregnant and I am not going to worry) but now, I am just plain fat. I feel like I am in a dark hole and I need to climb up out of it somehow. So, that will be one thing I will do for myself..because I am always thinking of others and putting everyone's needs before mine.

Thank you all again for your support and kind words...most of my friends IRL have no idea what to say to me - so they either look at me with pity or just avoid me. I am dreading DH's grandmother's 80th birthday party on the 20th - all of his family will be there - so I will either get a lot of 'how horrible, this happened for a reason' or people will avoid me..good times.

[ThreeYell]

cr8zyforaf, the only good thing I can see about not being pregnant right now is that it's given me the time and the butt-kicking I needed to finally get myself in shape. My DS is 2.5 years old and I've spent all the time since he was born thinking that I'd just get in shape after having #2. Not anymore. It was hard for the first week or two but now I'm so happy to be exercising! I hope you enjoy it, too.

[MLA]

Thanks, everyone, for the good wishes. I'm feeling a lot better today, actually.

Yesterday I was freaking out because my first HCG doubling time was about 14 hours. And the second doubling time was about 57 hours. I was sure that the slowdown was a bad sign. Well, for once doing some internet research has turned out to be helpful in calming my nerves because I found this:

below 1200 , HCG usually doubles 48 - 72 hours
between 1200 - 6000, HCG usually takes 72 - 96 hours to double
above 6000, HCG often takes over 4 days to double.


It's not too often that the internet actually provides reassurance when it comes to health issues.

[Jenn]

Question:
I miscarried at 7.5 weeks on August 15th. I had a D and C that day and a normal period on Sept. 10.
Today, I had a positive pregnancy test. My worry is that there is some leftover tissue from the miscarriage causing a positive result. My OB never ordered blood work after the D and C to make sure that the levels returned to 0. Does anyone know how long that should take? Has this happened to anyone?

[Sand]

Miel, Tealynn, Alootiki, Cr8zyforaf, & ThreeYell - Thank you for the hugs and support. I have taken myself out of quite a few situations. Three of the pregnant friends are in my book group. The other 4 are new mommies. I had to leave that group. Three other pregnant girls I see just about every weekend in the summer at our cottage...now its fall...I dont see them as much. The other two are out of town. One is my college roommate who is 2 hrs away, and the other is 3 states away. I've been bailing on a lot. I guess I feel like I need to put myself in their shoes...they just want to be happy and share their joy - I can turn off my emotion and feelings for a couple hours.

Truth: I dont pay too much attention when they are opening gifts and I sit and chat with a non-mom if I can find one. I feel like crying and if I'm going to I leave for the restroom.

So, of the 8, three have newborns (July, Sept, and the last one was Monday), three in November and two on New Years Eve. (I guess I could toast to that torture being over.)

Honestly, there is such baby overload I think I'm numb.

WOW. I yapped on about that, didnt I?

-----------
Jenn - My guess would be no, but i'm assuming you were TTC again. I hope you get an answer soon.

cr8zyforaf & threeyell - agreed. The one thing that is making me not hate myself is the working out i've been doing. I was sick of myself, the weight i'd gained over the last two years of losses and needed to do it. And, I've stuck to it. Just ran a 5k last weekend. It felt So Good. I hope you can feel the same way.

[Annette]

Sand-{{{hugs}}} It's really easy to get baby overload. That's great that you ran a 5k. I need to get back in shape but I've not been feeling motivated.

I really hate it when I'm in a situation where ppl start talking about their kids, then I get asked if I have any. I wish I could say I have 2 angel babies, but I really don't want to bring up the losses to others.

[Eric's Wife]

I know that usually we don't want to hear that a m/c was in god's plan but after my grandfather's passing yesterday, I realize that it must have been. We were very close and the grief I am feeling woudn't have been healthy for me being pregnant. I also realize that even though we didn't get a pg that lasted we were able to give my grandfather the news at that time that I was pregnant and got to experience his reaction.

[cr8zyforaf]

Jenn - I was told by my ob that after I had a period (which she said would probably be about 2 weeks after d&c) that it was OK for us to start trying. She also said no blood work for me....congratulations. I would call your doctor just to ease your mind.

Eric'sWife - I am so sorry about your miscarriage and the loss of your grandfather. I will be thinking of you.

Sand - I am so sorry. I am sad also that you mentioned hating yourself...you should not hate yourself. I wish there was something I could say to take away some of your pain.

MLA - I am so glad you found some really good information about the HCG levels. I hope this eases your mind a bit until you can get in for an ultrasound. I will be thinking of you.

I am joining the gym today and will hit the spinning class on Monday. Do you think it is safe to exercise after a d&c? I am still bleeding, but it isn't really heavy.

[Sand]

Annette - Its so hard to hear that question. I'm sorry. I know how you feel, you just want to say "i have angels" but you dont. The question is never meant as harmful but it hurts and yet we seem to not want to make them feel bad. I dont think I ever asked that question before all this happened, but I certainly would never ask it now. Maybe say it once and see how it makes you feel. Either way {{hugs}} to you.

cr8zyforaf - I think you'll be fine spinning. If you feel well enough to do it, give it a whirl. Just take it easy and work yourself into it. How are you feeling anyway? Thinking about you and sending hugs...

Eric's Wife - I'm sorry for the loss of your grandfather. Its nice that you were able to tell him and see his happiness for you. I was very close to my grandfather too so I send you hugs a million times over.

ahavnes - still thinking o for you... any news?

[MLA]

Sand -- You have a lot going on right now. It's got to be hard to have so many of those type events to deal with.

Eric's Wife -- I'm sorry for your loss. I think it's wonderful that you were able to share the original joy of your pregnancy with your grandfather.

Cr8zy -- I think you'll be fine exercising. Just listen to your body. If you start to feel really fatigued or uncomfortable, stop or slow down

Jenn -- It sounds to me like you have a real, honest-to-goodness, BFP. Congratulations!

[ahavnes]

Thank you all again for your 0 wishes! I talked to the nurse this week and she said the OB thinks I am ok to switch to a monthly draw, even though I ended up at 1 and not 0. Honestly, I'm ok with this. Originally I was going to push for three weeks at 0 before switching, but I am just so ready to be done with it that I am trusting him.

I will say that I don't feel any joy at reaching 1 though. I thought I would at least feel relieved or happy. Maybe I will when I am done with my 6 months of monthly draws and am officially considered "in remission." I guess I just feel really beaten down by the whole thing. And the thought of getting pregnant again makes my physically ill as well. I had a dream the other night that I was pregnant and I woke up in a cold sweat. I hope that changes in the next 6 months, b/c I really would love to have another child. Abbey would be a wonderful big sister. :o

Sand-I'm sorry about the baby overload. That is a lot to take in, but it sounds like you are a super strong woman and a good friend to even attend the showers at all. :)

MLA-Sorry! I meant to tell you that about the numbers and that they slow down in doubling time, but I got distracted at work. Glad the internet was actually able to give out some good news. ;) Now stay off of it for your sanity! :)

Eric's Wife-I am so sorry for your loss (both baby and grandfather), but am glad you were able to share the happy news with him.

cr8zy-I am a total gym rat, so I was back in the gym about a week after the D&C (and still had some bleeding). I will say that exercising did seem to make the bleeding a little heavier. I asked the OB and he said that was normal. I think I took it a little easier than normal for about 2 weeks and then went full-on with weights and running and was fine.

[MLA]

Alicia -- Your feelings seem normal. You've been through a LOT. I bet that after you're cleared in 6 months, you'll feel better and maybe even be interested in TTC-ing again. I'm glad that your now on monthly blood draws. That's got to be a relief. Being poked with needles is no fun.

[Jenn]

Well, my OB ordered HCG quantitative tests for today and next Monday and Thursday. She said that the HCG from the previous miscarriage should have been completely out of my system within a couple of weeks of the D & C.
I just can't believe that I could be pregnant again so quickly because according to my chart I must have O'd super early (like day 7!) DH was out of town for work for the rest of the month. Crazy!
Thanks for the congrats! I'm not going to believe it though until I see the quant. numbers going up, up, up!!!

[miel]

Eric's Wife I'm so sorry about the loss of your grandfather. I know what it is like to be close to a grandparent and it is like they are your parents also. it can be a big loss.

Annette My friend told me about this and said that to me. I do think you can say this if you want. Why should we hide it? But it can be painful to talk about.

cr8zy I don't know. I do think you should take it easy. I'm finding myself very exhausted right now. I do think it catches up with you later. (I didn't get a D and C.)

MLA I am having some scary neurological symptoms and surprisingly, the internet did make me feel better. Of course, I'm scared it is something super bad but then a jillion people on the internet seem to have these problems and there can be caused by a ton of illnesses so for some reason this reassures me!

But the internet is usually not one's friend when health worries come up, I've found.

Sand So sorry. Again, I hope you get through this time and can get a break from all this.


Jenn But that sounds GOOD!!! Did you get your HCG drawn and was it negative after your D&C?

For sure you can get pregnant right away. So this sounds like a real pg!!! Congrats!!!

You know what someone said to me the other day when she saw me barefoot? "Barefoot and not pregnant I hope!!" This was at work. I guess the people at work think I better not get pregnant.

[MLA]

"Barefoot and not pregnant I hope!!"

Man, people can say some of the worst things sometimes. After being on CC for a while I know that you can't assume anything about people's health. I'd be worried that someone had suffered a loss or was perhaps going through infertility problems and would never say something like that. But I know that's only because I've become educated here.

[Annette]

jenn-congrats! sending sticky vibes to you!
[/B]eric's wife-[/B]I am so sorry about your recent losses.
alicia-hope you get that 0 soon.

me: So I met with the hematologist today and my results were interesting. My lupus anticoagulant was normal, but my PTT times were high. So they're going to run that test again to make sure the results are real. They are also going to run some other tests. Not sure why the doc thinks there might be an error with the results. So Monday I get the blood tests and Friday I see the doc again.

[miel]

ahavnes I'm sorry that I missed your message and also that you are having such stress about being pregnant again. Maybe it's just too soon after a traumatic event and your emotions will settle down in a bit.

My daughter will require quite a bit of managing to be a great big sis--she's the queen of the universe right now and likes it that way. But she NEEDS a sibling. So someway, somehow...

Annette I don't know what PTT is but I hope that will be better soon. I'm discovering what a weird thing the body is.

[hiphopgirl]

Hi everyone. Thanks for thinking about me. I'm sorry I've been away, but I took a forced internet hiatus. I haven't been on LJ in well over a week, and this is the first time I've been on CC in as long. I just can't be around pregnant people right now. I get enough of it at work. One of my employees is due one week before I would have been and another employee just told me that he just found out his wife is pregnant with their second child.

My miscarriage started on Saturday. The bleeding isn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. Honestly it's like a really light period. I don't know if that means it's going to take forever to be done or if it just is so little because there wasn't much there. I knew it was coming because we ended up going to the doctor two weeks ago. My pants weren't getting any tighter and I just knew I needed some closure.

I'm going to go for b/w after my betas are down to 0. I have no idea how long that will take. I'm going out of town next week so I'd like to have them check my betas at the end of this week. I'm just not sure if that's realistic. Regardless, we probably won't resume TTC until January. I really need time to heal emotionally from this last loss. Having two so close together was too much for me to take. I still feel little thoughts creep into my head about how it would be nice if we had an "oops" before then. I just need to check myself. I don't know if I could bear yet another loss. I'd probably need to go to the looney bin for awhile.

MLA - I hope your numbers keep going up. I am rooting for you.
Alicia - I'm so sorry that you never got the satisfaction of going down to a zero, but I'm glad your doctor is satisfied enough to get you down to once a month blood draws.
Sand - I can totally understand needing to withdraw. I wish I could withdraw from the daily exposure I get from my employee. It does feel like you are surrounded doesn't it?
Jenn - Big congratulations to you. I wish you a happy and healthy 9 mos.

[MLA]

hiphopgirl: I was secretly holding out hope that you wouldn't end up miscarrying. I'm so sorry. :( I understand your need to hibernate for a while. If you need to keep doing that, that's fine. But we're all here to support you if you need or want it.

Annette -- I'm sorry about the PTT.

Jenn -- How are you doing? Have you had your 2nd blood draw yet?

me: I'm feeling good. I'm now 3 days past the point in my last pregancy when I miscarried. Getting past that point has really helped ease my mind.

[cr8zyforaf]

"Barefoot and not pregnant I hope!!

I swear...people sometimes just amaze me. I agree with MLA - one important thing I've learned from cc is that you have no idea what someone has been through....I was absolutely amazed when this happened to me of all the people I know that went through the same thing.

Annette - I am sorry about the PTT. Please keep us posted.

hiphopgirl - I am so sorry. It is totally normal to hide away....that is what I have been doing. Please know that you are in our thoughts.

Jen - Have you had your next blood draw? Please keep us posted.

MLA - I am so happy for you. It must be a small relief to get past the point of your miscarriage. When will you be able to go in for a sonogram?

I have my follow up appointment next Monday - I am on the fence - a small part of me would like to just see what happens but another bigger part of me wants to go back on birth control and just take a break. I am trying to remain positive and not walk around depressed, but it is hard.

[MLA]

cr8zy -- Thanks for the good wishes. I go in for a u/s this Friday! Keep your fingers crossed that it goes well.
Also, be patient with yourself. It's normal to feel down. It's okay to feel depressed. Just try to give yourself some time to heal emotionally.

[GlamaGal]

HipHop- so sorry for your recent loss. I was thinking everything was ok (rather hoping).

MLA- sending good thoughts your way.

Jenn- good luck. We conceived on a very early O day as well (3rd cycle after my m/c) and DH was out of town for the remainder of my fertile period. One day was all it took and I am still mesmerized.

Annette- hoping your results for the PTT are good 2nd round.

Hi to everyone else. I'm sorry...this thread goes so fast that I just read 5 pages and I'm a little confused but wanted to check in.

I know a little about how you feel about being around pg people. I am pg, so it's not as hard, but, there are literally 6 good friends due w/in weeks/days of me. So, I constantly worry that I will drop out of that (either m/c, or my latest fear- stillbirth). It would be so hard to have all of those babies around if mine didn't make it. I try to stay away from researching m/c, stillbirths, etc. on the Net. I know what you're saying by "taking a break".

[ThreeYell]

Oh, hiphop, I'm so sorry. I was praying that you wouldn't have to go through this again.

Jenn - I hope those numbers are going up, up, up.

miel - I know what you mean about wanting a sibling for your DD. Giving my DS a sibling is what drives me right now.

Annette - I hope they figure out what's going on with your blood work and that if there is a problem, it's easily fixable.

MLA - Glad to hear things are getting a little easier, mentally. I hope they keep getting easier every day until they get really hard, when you're dealing with sleepless nights and a newborn baby. ;)

cr8zyforaf - If you figure out that positive outlook thing, let me know. The drama of TTC after a loss just gets to be too much some days, huh?

GlamaGal - It seems like every message board I found lumped 2nd and 3rd trimester losses together so I feel like I've read a hundred stories of stillbirth. It scares the crap out of me, too.

AF finally arrived today and I'm relieved. I knew this cycle was a bust last week so I'm glad to have it officially over. On to a new, better cycle!

[Sand]

HipHop - I'm SO sorry, and completely understand your withdraw too. Its frustrating, heartbreaking, and irritating all at the same time to see pg girls. And I swear [you] see more of them now. (general you) I did. Its incredibly hard to wrap your head around trying again and wondering if it will happen again, that it just cant, [you] wont make it. I wish you all the strength in the world to muster up the courage. Big Hugs.

cr8zy - Give yourself some time. Its completely understandable to have the feelings you do. Follow your heart, its amazing how strong you can be when you think you cant.

MLA - yea for getting past that point!!

[babyjinks]

Hi Im Heather and Im joining I lost my baby in april. I was supposed to be 14wks almost 15 when I went in for the third appointment to hear the heartbeat. The doctor wasnt worried because i had a early ultrasound at 7 wks that showed everything including heartbeat. I knew in my heart of hearts it wasnt right not to hear the heartbeat but I still had all the symptoms including very very horrible morning sickness. The doctor just kept saying come back in two weeks. Finally I just couldnt take it so i switched OB's and she had a in office ultrasound machine. She told me then the baby only measured 8wks so it stopped growing shortly after the first ultrasound. The baby was due to be born 10.28.07 and mostly I have good days but as it gets closer to the due date I am having a really hard time.

We are TTC again but I feel like you guys when will I stop being gripped by fear. I had just told everybody...we were past 13 wks. Even my customers knew. My uteureus still grew so I was in maternity clothes...

Thanks to you guys for posting positive TTC results ...

[Mrs.Chappy]

Babyjinks..so sorry fo ryour loss. My due date was Oct 30th so as the day grows closer i amsick to my stomach. I m/c around 10 wks the baby was 8w3d and it was april too.

Though i am pg again, i am having a hard time 'bonding' I see my OB tomorrow. i've seen the hb but still..i've been THERE before. Don't get me wrong, i'm happy for this pregnancy but now i have a history.
Anyway, i'm thinking of you during this hard month

[Annette]

Thanks everyone for the positive thoughts. Went in for a blood draw today and I go back for a follow-up on Friday. Here's a link about PTT (http://www.webmd.com/a-to-z-guides/Partial-Thromboplastin-Time). A high time which is what I had would indicate a clotting disorder, but b/c the lupus anticoagulant was normal, they kinda contradict one another. This is why I had to repeat the test. They were also going to do a mixing study to determine if it's inhibitor based.

hiphop-I am so sorry for your loss. I understand how you feel about having 2 losses so close together. {{{hugs}}}

babyjinks-I remember you from the Oct Mommies thread early on. I'm so sorry you had to go through a loss too. My due date is this week, so I hear ya on that.

Mrs.Chappy-Sending you some {{{hugs}}}.

threeyell-yay for AF.

cra8zy-What you are feeling is normal. It's okay to be sad.

MLA-yay for passing a milestone.

[miel]

Hiphop Girl So very sorry to hear about your loss.

Heather Getting near the due date must be very hard. I'm so sorry and so sorry it happened late like that.

Mrs. Chappy Sending you good thoughts.

Annette I hope you will get normal results in this next appt.

[Sand]

babyjinks - I'm sorry for your loss. Take time out for yourself and be selfish when the 28th comes around. I'm sorry that you are having to deal with any of this, but know that we are here for you when you need us.

(My very first due date was 10/23 and this is the 2nd year its come around, its tough)

[babyjinks]

Thank you all for your kindness...I really need that...it kinda just feels like you have to grieve in secret ya know what I mean? My DH is really understanding but like you all have said It is just different for a man. It feels not only like a lost life but a personal failure :(

The thing is we are trying to conceive again and I am scared like you Mrs. Chappy...that there will never be a "safe" feeling.

Anyways thanks again for the kind words and success stories :)

[Lolly]

babyjinks, I'm sorry for your loss.

hiphop, I'm so so sorry to hear about this recent loss. I understand why you want to avoid cc and lj sometimes.

I don't intend on looking up anything on the internet. (although I did do some research on blighted ovum, after I looked here first and figured that was what I had had in July. It was later confirmed so finding that information proved to be helpful for me). I don't want to work myself up anymore than neccessary during this pregnancy.

I go back in tomorrow for another sonogram. Hopefully everything is still measuring on track and that not only will I see the HB again but possibly listen to it (although at 8 weeks its still kind of early, but I could ask?)

[cr8zyforaf]

Lolly - good luck tomorrow - please keep us posted. And yes, I would ask them to try to hear the heartbeat...it can't hurt to ask.

babyjinks - yes, it is normal to feel that way - although nothing you did or didn't do caused this to happen - I discussed this in detail with my doctor (I was in a bad car accident around 5w...) she told me that I didn't have that much control and anything that I did or didn't do would not have made a difference. And yes, grieving in private- I guess people don't get that we've lost a child...I have no advice but I feel the same way - put on a happy face for everyone because by now, everyone else is over the shock of what happened.

Sand - I can't even think about the due date....I am thinking about you.

MrsChappy - Yes, I also had the 'seen the heartbeat now I am safe' stolen from me. It is so hard not to be consumed with worry about everything now (my latest fear is that something is going to happen to ash) so I can't even imagine being pregnant.


threeyell - glad to hear AF arrived - and yes, a better cycle!! I have my fingers and toes crossed for you.

annette - when are your tests? I had a friend who lost a child due to a blood clot - she had to take an anticlotting drug during her second pregnancy and now she has a 2 YO baby girl.

MLA - thank you for your kind words. Please keep us posted on your progress!! I am so so happy for you!

I have a list of questions for my ob - my biggest one is due to my age - during my pap in April, she said if I am not pregnant in 6 months I will need to go back to the RE...so does my clock start over or do I still count from April and also if I were to get pregnant again - I would want to be monitored right from the start like I was with A...blood draws, prog. supp...the works.

I finally stopped bleeding..so now I wait for AF..which I am sure is going to s*ck.

[Mrs.Chappy]

Hi Guys.,
I had a reg OB appt today. While my doc wasn't planning on using his doppler to find teh HB, i insisted. He said he wasn't sure he would find it this early w./o u/s. Low and behold he did find it and with DH there to time the beats we estimated 132 bpm. I basically told my doc that i'm a head case. He said its to be expected given the history. I won't 'rest' until 14 weeks. I just like that point, when you are 'safely' enrolled in the second trimester.

I'm thinking of everyone in this thread.

[MLA]

babyjinks -- I'm sorry for your loss.

[Alanna]

Hi everyone.

Mrs. Chappy - Hooray for a heartbeat. I'm so glad you pressed them to try the doppler. What a wonderfull feeling it must have been to hear that heartbeat. I will be thinking of you and hoping that each and every appt you have from here on out is as happy as that one was! :)

CrazyforAF - I am hoping for some serious oversight on my next pregnancy too.

Lolly - Fingers crossed for an awesome sonogram tomorrow!

Annette- hoping you get some good clear answers on your blood draws from this week!

Babyjinks - I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I havent passed the due date milestone yet but I am sure it will be very hard... I just passed when we would have found out the sex and I couldnt stop thinking about it. I think miscarriage is definitely one of those things that only someone who has gone through the experience can understand. ((hugs))

hiphopgirl - I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. ((hugs))

_________________________________________

As for me - I went in for what i really hope is my last blood draw for Hcg on friday. I should have the results tomorrow. Or maybe today if i get up the courage to call.

i am waiting for AF. I am not sure since I went through two rounds of bleeding with this if CD1 is the day the first bleeding started (natural) or the second round... (induced with misproctol) - anyone have any ideas on that?

[Jenn]

Hi everyone!
Thanks for thinking about me. I got my beta results back from the first two blood draws and everything looks good! It went from 110 on Friday to 627 on Monday. So, it looks like it is doubling. Still cautious, but optimistic.

[ahavnes]

I'm so far behind! Sorry!

Jenn-So glad the betas are going up fast! :)

babyjinks-I am so sorry for your loss. Your story sounds so much like mine. I totally agree with you about not having a "safe" feeling anymore. I always thought that once you saw the h/b you were ok, or that morning sickness meant everything was fine. So much for that. I'm just so sorry you're going through this as well.

hiphopgirl-I was so hoping that things would turn out well. Thinking of you during this terrible time!

[MLA]

Hey ladies. You probably won't see me around much in this thread for the next little while (not sure how long). I think I need to stop thinking about m/c and all of the horrible stories out there. Please know that it's not that I don't want to support you all, but for now, for my sanity, I need to focus only on the positive. I'll be back when I'm feeling more confident. And please know that I'm thinking of you all.

[miel]

Babyjinks So sorry to hear about that. I'm so sorry for your loss.

MLA Go think about the positive! Forget the horrible stories!!! The odds are way, way in your favor...I will be thinking of you, too and sending you good thoughts.

[Sand]

MLA - totally understand. :) Positive thoughts to you!

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - Good for you!!! I am sending positive, sticky thoughts your way!!

[tealynn]

MLA, I understand how you're feeling. I'm sure everything is going be fine. Let yourself enjoy this as much as possible.

cr8zyforaf, I'm glad the bleeding stopped. I hope AF isn't too hard on you.

hiphopgirl sorry to hear the news.

Babyjinx, what a terrible experience. I'm so sorry.

Jenn, congrats on the nice high rising numbers.

The nice part about waiting two weeks to go in for your first blood draw is that sometimes it can be your last. My levels are less than 2 but now she wants me to come in and test for recurrent m/c. The fun never ends.

[Alanna]

Hi everyone.

I got good news yesterday... my levels have finally reached 0. Now I am waiting for AF then I am going to have an exam and they are going to draw blood for some preliminary testing. I am hoping they can find something easy to solve... never seems to work that way.. but worth hoping for anyway...

______________________________________________

MLA- you probably wont read this - but I totally understand your need to get away and focus on positive things... I hope to hear a very happy update from you about 9 months from now :)

Jenn - sounds like things are going well! crossing my fingers for you!

Tealynn - It sounds like we are facing similar journeys in the next weeks... I hope your testing goes well and gives you some answers!

[miel]

Alanna I hope they find something easy to solve. I also hope they find something easy to solve for you too, tealynn

How long does it take for AF to come when your levels reach negative?

[Annette]

MLA-hope your u/s went well today.

tealyn & alanna-Crossing my fingers that all of us have easy problems to solve.

[hiphopgirl]

Annette - I hope you get good answers from the latest round. The confusion has to be hard.

tealyn & alanna - Good luck with your tests. I hope they find something that is easily treatable. I think I'll be joining you in this journey soon. I go for my initial blood draw late next week to make sure I'm down to zero.

babyjinx - I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how hard it is to approach a due date.

Jenn - Congrats on the rising numbers. I'll keep my fingers crossed that they continue to rise.

ATTENTION: TMI AHEAD

As for me, I started hemorrhaging on Monday night. I was walking into day care to pick up my son when I felt some wetness. I just thought I had soaked through my tampon (sorry for the TMI). Up until that point it was like a really mild period. I honestly didn't think it was going to be as bad as it eventually got.

By the time I got home - less than 15 minutes later - blood was running down my leg. I continued to bleed like that until around 3 am. At that point the bleeding slowed, but then the cramps started. They were more like contractions than cramps. I was lying on the floor trying to remember some of the things I learned in child birthing classes about working through the contractions. I finally fell asleep at about 5 am. I woke up again at 7 am for the rest of the day. The cramps had gotten better, but I was still pretty weak. I called the nurse, but she said since the bleeding had slowed the worst was probably over.

Today I soaked through another tampon, but it wasn't as bad. I had to go home to change clothes, though. Thank God no one noticed. I'm not sure how I would have explained that little problem.

This whole experience makes me so mad. It's not bad enough that I have to have lost two children. I also have to have agonizing pain and gruesome blood loss. I am glad I did this naturally vs. the D&C again, but I still think the whole thing is unfair. I am trying so hard not to be an angry bitter person, but it is really hard. I cry very easily these days. I know that some of it is the hormones, but damn it. I think I've earned the right to cry and not have it be about hormones. This is worth crying about.

Sorry if I'm bringing this thread down. I just need to get it out. I've actually called a counselor. I'm meeting with her next week. I don't know if it will help, but I don't like the feelings that I'm having. I am really having a hard time with this. I think it's because I never let myself fully grieve over the first loss. Then the second one happened so soon after. I think I need to have some time to heal. I really appreciate everyone "listening". It helps to know that there are people out there who can empathize.

[firefly]

Alicia 3 more weeks to go right?
Hip hop ((sorry for your loss)) i hope you don't have to go through any more physical pain

[Annette]

hiphop- I hope you're okay. That must have been scary for you to hemorrage like that. Counseling is a good idea. I've been debating it myself. I still have thoughts in my head that "I should have been XXweeks with the first and XX weeks with the second." It's sooo hard not to be angry and bitter especially when friends or coworkers are pg or announcing their pgs. It's unfair that we have to go get tested now to see what's wrong and possibly go on medicine to stay pg. I hate this so much. It's been a lot worse now since the due date month is here and I should have been having a baby right now, but instead I'm in limbo waiting for test results. I never thought I'd be facing this issue and it really sucks. {{{hugs}}}
This thread is for voicing these kinds of things, so vent away :)

[ThreeYell]

hiphop, it is unfair and it is terrible and you should not have to go through this again. My heart is breaking for you.

I went to see a counselor after my loss and though I ended up spending most of the time complaining about MIL I did get one really good thing out of it. She said that miscarriage is an objectively horrible thing. If you went up to anyone on the street and told them someone had had two back-to-back miscarriages, anyone would agree that's terrible and that person would need some time to heal. Don't ever feel like you're taking it too hard. I don't think there's any such thing.

[cr8zyforaf]

hiphop- I am so so sorry you have had to go through all of this. I totally agree with the others - seeing a counselor sounds like a wonderful idea...I've thought about doing it (the hospital that I had the d&c at offers grief counseling). I am thinking about you.

I also agree that it is so hard not to be angry and bitter - I have a baby shower to go to in December - the baby was an accident, the father isn't even happy, the mom didn't see a doctor until she was 4 months and she drank and smoked pot....and I am the one to have a miscarriage...doesn't seem fair, does it. I've decided I am not going - I can't go and sit and pretend to not be upset, I just can't/won't do it.

I also think this is one of the hardest things a woman can go through - because I feel really, I am the only one that feels this was a loss..everyone else was sad/shocked when it first happened..but now a few weeks later it is business as usual for everyone (including DH) and I am left feeling like I should be fine with everything and feeling guilty that I am just depressed and sad. I have to carry all the pain and sadness around like it is some big secret. I feel like people either avoid you/the conversation or act like nothing has happened.


Don't ever feel like you're taking it too hard. I don't think there's any such thing.

I also feel that there is no such thing as taking this too hard but I also feel unless you've been through this, you really have no idea how horrible it is. Now that I have been through this, I feel my ability to empathize is much greater than it was before all of this.

[Alanna]

I also feel unless you've been through this, you really have no idea how horrible it is. Now that I have been through this, I feel my ability to empathize is much greater than it was before all of this.

this is the truest statement ever - one of the things i kept thinking about after my first miscarriage in June was how much I didn't understand and comprehend every time up until that point when I heard that someone had had a miscarriage... it is really impossible to understand until one has been through it.

I am sending ((hugs)) to you hiphopgirl... this is such a hard thing to cope with and you are allowed to take as much time as you need to grieve... and be upset about it...

cr8zyforaf - i'm so sorry you have to bear witness to such an unfair situation... it's really salt in the wounds to have to witness stuff like that....

_______________________________

I just came back from my DD's music class and found out that yet another one of the mother's is pregnant... i feel like everyone is pregnant around me... i am trying to just be okay and happy for them... but it's like a blow every time i hear someone else talking all excitedly (or in some cases - rolling their eyes saying " i just dont know how we will handle a baby on top of everything..." not a helpful statement for me to hear....:rolleyes:

[babyjinks]

I am totally agree with all of you, you can't possibly understand the deepth of grief until you have been through it. It losing a person.. no matter that you havent seen them yet. It is really hard to be around people who "accidentally get pregnant" and dont have any happiness about it or totally disregard their health and the baby's health

[ahavnes]

Just popping in...

firefly-Yup, I am going in on Halloween (yippee :rolleyes:) for the first of my six monthly appointments. How are the twins? I hope you're doing well.

hiphop-I am so sorry about the bleeding. That happened to me about 3 weeks after I had Abbey and it scared the sh*t out of me!!! :eek:

[tealynn]

Miel, for me both times, the m/c was like AF coming (in a really, really painful way) and my cycle was back on track including fertile CM and O. I'm guessing I'll get AF as usual.

Annette, fingers crossed that it's a simple as a baby aspirin!

hiphop, what a scary experience. Even though rationally you know what's happening, it still freaks you out. When I started "cramping" this last time I really thought I should go to the ER. It was THAT painful. Of course, I've never had contractions before so nothing to compare it to. It couldn't hurt to talk to someone...

Alanna, I was standing in the cafeteria at work yesterday when this young woman was talking about "she didnt care what it was, as long as it is healthy" I couldn't stop staring at her baby bump and thinking this girl is pg and I'm not, how freakin' fair is that?

cr8zyforaf, you know December is a ways off...I wouldn't put to much thought into it right. One day at a time.

I just found out that one of my coworkers who was pg w/ twins (IVF) had a miscarriage at about 8 weeks. Selfishly, this allows me to stop feeling sorry for myself and help her through a tough time.

[Annette]

Just got back from the doctor and my recent PTT results were normal. So as of now I do not have a clotting disorder. This is good news, but at the same time, I'm still wondering what is wrong. I need to call my OB monday and see if I could get the HSG done next week since AF is here. I hope I get the go ahead to TTC.

tealynn-Sorry to hear about your coworker.

[jenahdawn]

I really hate it when I'm in a situation where ppl start talking about their kids, then I get asked if I have any. I wish I could say I have 2 angel babies, but I really don't want to bring up the losses to others.

You are NOT alone there. I actually asked the DADS in our BPS group last month how they responded, and I found out that, for the most part, they aren't asked how many kids they have or stuff like that. One said, if he wants to end a conversation quickly, he outright tells the person what happened. (cord accident at full term)

You don't have to tell anyone anything you don't want to. I've found myself, if it's strangers who ask about OUR kids, you know, the "Is this your first???" with a plain, "No."

My mom, on the other hand, doesn't care. She tells people she has 8 1/2 grandkids, and two are perfect angels. If someone asks about that phrase, she tells them. I wish I had that braveness.


You know what someone said to me the other day when she saw me barefoot? "Barefoot and not pregnant I hope!!" This was at work. I guess the people at work think I better not get pregnant.


Ugh, people just need to SHUT UP!!!!

Some of my "favorites" :rolleyes: were:

~You know, this is a good thing....(followed by lots of stupid stuff)
~I know how it is, I lost my cat/dog/gerbil....(Yeah, seriously)
~You're not OVER IT already? (Um, first, never will be, and second, they are my CHILDREN, not IT!)
~So, when are you going to get pregnant again? (I had very few people ask that, but the two or so that did got death stares....)
~At least you didn't get to know them...
~Don't worry, you can have more...

Oh, I know there are more...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update on me, we will be 32 weeks tomorrow. We made it through the girls' birthday relatively unscathed. Now I have either the flu or a 24 virus or something. I'm not sure, but it sucks.

My BIL's wedding was this past weekend and everyone on the brides side "knew" who we were, but only in the context of Lilly, as we got a LOT of, "Oh, Bride is so excited to be a first time aunt!!!" (Um, bride came to the hospital when we lost the girls, bride is NOT a first time aunt....but, if you are talking an official member of the family, this is the first baby that will come after she married in!)

I also discovered that FIL makes sure to include them in the count. His dad thought L would be a boy, but his dad told him, "Nope, another girl!" He's so excited!

Her room is mostly done. We have mostly everything big we think we are going to need.

...Now if I can just get past this sense that we won't get to bring her home...:(

[jenahdawn]

tealynn,

That's how we felt with this one....modified slightly to "We don't care what flavor this baby is as long as we can bring this one home!" I know that doesn't help how YOU feel, but I think it's a good attitude for her to have, as long as the baby is healthy (I am assuming we're talking broad sense...), THAT is what matters.

Others around you suffering a loss can sometimes snap you out of it for a while, but make sure you continue to take care of you, too....I made the mistake of trying to push my pain aside to help a friend and ended up just a mess for several days. (She mc'd at 10 weeks, about 5 weeks? after we did)

[miel]

you can't possibly understand the deepth of grief until you have been through it. It losing a person.. no matter that you havent seen them yet.

This makes me feel better, a bit. You know, I could not tell from this board if people were as broken up as I am. Sometimes I do not understand it. I know I have other things going on in my life that may be affecting me but I have such an intense grief. I know this feeling of grief from other losses. It's hard to process the grief, also. I keep feeling like I should be over it. I never let myself mourn it enough, I think so it keeps cropping up all the time. It's like I myself did not think it was bad enough to justify the depth of sadness that I feel. But since it seems you guys are also experiencing that, maybe I will just accept it is very painful.

One thing that stopped me a little was that I told someone and they asked me if it was an early miscarriage. (I was 7 or so when it happened but found out right before the 6th week). I read that as if they were saying "oh, so it wasn't a big deal then." I kept saying to myself that it didn't count or something. I really have been struggling with myself I think to not feel what I'm feeling--sort of like I am not supposed to feel it so I don't let myself. I think this is worse in the long run.

I know a big cause for it is that people absolutely do not sympathize. They sort of do but they just don't know. This doesn't make me mad at them but I have to stop looking at other people's reactions to see if I am entitled to my feelings. I just have them, that's all.

((((Babyjinks)))) Hugs to you.

Maybe everyone has their thing that makes them sad. For some reason the thing that really gets me a lot is the idea of children (or babies) not being loved or cared for. I spend a lot of time crying over that. Today, I was crying thinking about a story I read in the NY Times years ago about kids who work in silver mines in Bolivia and how hard their lives are. I also worry about someone I love who might not get to have kids. I worry about her getting older and then I worry about her having miscarriages because she is not in the best of health--if she ever has a chance to get pregnant. It's kind of weird, I know. But I really love this person so much.

It's also so weird that it wasn't all that long I was pg. but I have lots of memories of it! And everything that reminds me of that time makes me sad.

Anyway, sorry for going on so long. Thanks for writing about what you are feeling you guys. I didn't write about it too much here because I wasn't sure if I was alone in this and I didn't want to depress anyone.

Sorry, I want to write more to people specifically but I have to go work now! But I'm sending you all good thoughts.

[Annette]

I keep feeling like I should be over it.

I think most of us with early losses feel this way. I don't think this is something we could truly ever get over or forget. 7 months after the first and 2 months after the second, the emotions are still raw. Why oh why did I have to go peek in my DD thread and see all the new baby pics.

[MLA]

hiphop -- I'm so sorry. I know how you feel.

Well, ladies, I'm back. I thought I'd be gone for a while, but unfortunately thinking positive thoughts did nothing.

It's over. I'm losing the pregnancy. On Friday at my u/s they only found an empty gestational sac, so I knew it was coming. My HCG test from Friday came back at about 1600. It should have been over 14,000. I started cramping and bleeding today. I figure that today and tomorrow will be pretty crappy. I'm sad, but really just more numb. I don't know what to think. It's not fair.

[Mrs.Chappy]

MLA: i'm thinking of you :(

[ahavnes]

MLA-I am so sorry. I don't even know what to say. You're right, it's definitely not fair and it's just horrible that you have to go through this again.

[Alanna]

MLA - My heart broke when I read your post. :(

((hugs))

I am thinking of you.

[Lolly]

MLA, I'm so sorry.

[ThreeYell]

I'm so sorry, MLA. It is so unfair. :(

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - I am so so sorry - I don't even know what to say. I am thinking of you.

[docoNY]

MLA so sorry for your loss - I am thinking of you ((hugs))

[babyjinks]

MLA (((((((HUGS)))))))) it is just not FAIR!

[Sand]

F^*%*!

MLA, I'm so so sorry. ((Big Squishy Hugs))

[Annette]

MLA-Oh No!! I'm so sorry you have to go through this again. Sending you lots of {{{hugs}}}.

[Taylandra]

MLA and Hip Hop- I'm so sorry that you are both going through this...*hugs* to you both during this time!

[tealynn]

MLA, oh no. I was reading the charting thread when I saw your post. I just can't believe it. I'm so, so sorry.

[MLA]

Thanks, everyone, for your kind words. It means so much to know that there's a group of women here who understand what it is I'm going through. It seems like the actual miscarriage is going to take a longer time than the last one. I don't have a constant flow. It comes in waves, so I think it's going to take some time to get through it all. Unfortunately, I have to go into work today for a meeting. But after the meeting I'm going to come back home.

On top of this, I seem to be catching a cold. So all in all, I feel like shit.

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - My heart goes out to you. I do need to add - I know you are seeing a midwife and you probably don't even want to think about this right now but is there a plan to start any testing? My ob yesterday said that if this happens to me again, she will begin testing immediately to try and determine why this could be happening. She said the standard is three but she thinks making someone go through this three times before becoming proactive doesn't make any sense. She went through a list of steps that we would go through if I find myself in this dark place again.

I know you probably can't even think about this now but it may be something that you can discuss with your midwife.

Again, I am so sorry and I am thinking of you today.

[cr8zyforaf]

Yesterday I had my follow up from the d&c...and wow...I thought I was really doing so much better until I stepped back into that office and had to sit among the pregnant. The second I got back into the room to undress, I started crying and didn't stop until I left. It was like someone pulled a scab off of a wound that barely had time to heal. She said physically I look good and that i can start trying again as soon as I get my period which I told her I didn't want to do and she said that was fine.

We discussed in great detail what would happen if I get pregnant again - she said she would want me to call her immediately and I could come in for bloodwork and an ultrasound as soon as my levels hit 2000- and then she said I could come in as often as I wanted to for repeat ultrasounds and that she would want to see me until I got to the point where I felt somewhat not like a basket case (typically, I would rotate doctor's until I saw all 7 at the practice). She also discussed what we would do if I had another miscarriage (begin testing immediately) and what we would do if in 6 months, I am not pregnant (I am 'of advanced maternal age'). Another miscarriage or not pregnant would send me back to the RE immediately. I felt so good to have a plan but so horrible to discuss the what ifs..I feel like Pandora's box has been forever opened.

I think my game plan is to wait until after the holiday's because I don't want the added stress - I will either be p*ssed that I am not getting pregnant right away or get pregnant and then be worried sick or I could get pregnant again and have the same thing happen. So, I will wait until January and see how I feel.

I have to face my SIL who is due in Jan on Saturday - I've managed to avoid her until now..and I am dreading it. I feel like I need to call her and warn her that I will probably cry when I see her. I hate this...I really really hate that any of us have to deal with such sadness.

[MLA]

MLA - My heart goes out to you. I do need to add - I know you are seeing a midwife and you probably don't even want to think about this right now but is there a plan to start any testing?

Actually, a lady over in the pregnancy after loss thread PM'd me a referral to the RE practice that she went to in my area. I plan to call them and get something set up. She said that they saw her with no problem after two miscarriages, so that's my plan. I'm not sure when I should call them, though. I don't know if it's too early at this point.

And cr8zy, I'm sorry about how emotional that doctor's appointment was for you. Right now, every time I see a pregnant woman or a woman with a baby, I'm finding myself feeling bitter rather than sad. It's a horrible feeling. I feel like a terrible person for feeling that way, but right now I can't help it.

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - I would call today.....even just setting an appointment or having someone to talk to might be helpful. I am a plan kind of gal.....so even though the doctor appointment SUCKED yesterday, I have a game plan. IMO, it is never too early...the sooner you start, the sooner someone can help you.


I'm finding myself feeling bitter rather than sad

Totally normal...huge discussion with my ob about this....why them and not me and she told me it is all normal. And you shouldn't feel like a horrible person..you are a great person under horrible circumstances.

[ThreeYell]

I'm glad you have the name of an RE, MLA. Hopefully these miscarriages were a cruel fluke and you'll get pregnant again easily and have a healthy baby. But if not, there are some things that cause recurrent miscarriages that are easily fixed. Thinking about you lots. I'm so sorry this is happening again.

cr8zyforaf - wow, that is a plan! I'm kind of jealous since I'm a planner, too. You know, part of me is pissed that I waited 2 cycles before TTC because what if I missed a chance? OTOH, TTC again has been hell and I miss the calm of those couple of months when we weren't trying. I think I was too raw then to face the BFNs I've been getting. Such a crappy choice to have to make, though.

[alootikki]

Oh MLA, I am so, so sorry :( Thinking of you!

[MLA]

I'm glad you have the name of an RE, MLA. Hopefully these miscarriages were a cruel fluke and you'll get pregnant again easily and have a healthy baby. But if not, there are some things that cause recurrent miscarriages that are easily fixed.

Is it completely crazy that I'm sort of hoping they're not a cruel fluke? I'm hoping there's a reason and that it can be taken care of easily. I don't know how I'll deal with being pregnant again (hopefully) if I know that my m/c's were just some "bad luck." Does that make sense?

[GlamaGal]

MLA- I'm so sorry to hear about your recent loss. I was really hoping this was "it" for you. Please know we all understand any vents you need to cast!

HipHop- Oh, what a horrible experience to go through. I still think you were/are very brave to see it out yourself.

Re: a PP, I totally understand the bitter feelings toward pg women or women with babies. It's such a basic right for a woman to desire and get a child!

After I announced our pg, one of my friends was very hostile that I hadn't told her already (she's one month ahead of me). I told her why (we had m/c and were waiting to see the h/b, have time pass, etc., to announce this time- tho she hadn't been told last time). An hour or so later she replies back (her DH is a neonatal pedi who has 0 personality) that, "as DH says, something must have been wrong with the baby and it's better on the baby that he/she didn't live). I wanted to reach through the PC and tell her that, actually, babies can be m/c for many reasons (many of which aren't THEIR fault) and, also, thanks for treating my baby as "defective". I want to add a line to my email sig that says something to the effect of, "If you don't know the right thing to say, just say SORRY."

I'm also more sensitive to people who TTC and have nothing happen. This has to be as upsetting as a m/c. All around, both suck immensely.

[miel]

Oh ((((((((MLA)))))))

I can't even express how sorry I am. I'm so very, very sorry. It's completely unfair.

[jenahdawn]

GG, how did you NOT go off on her?!?!?!?!?!?!

MLA, I understand. It's WAY easier to have a reason than never knowing. (I hope you get an answer) We don't have a definite and probably never will.

[Annette]

Is it completely crazy that I'm sort of hoping they're not a cruel fluke? I'm hoping there's a reason and that it can be taken care of easily. I don't know how I'll deal with being pregnant again (hopefully) if I know that my m/c's were just some "bad luck." Does that make sense?

MLA-I've been thinking the exact same thing. I hope that you get answers soon, because believe me, it sucks not knowing yet.

glamagal-How rude of your friend!


I'm finding myself feeling bitter rather than sad.
Same here. Envious too.

cr8zy-Thats great that your doctor has a plan.

As for me, it sucks waiting to TTC, but I know we'll be able to ttc next cycle after the HSG. And if my O timing is right this cycle, I can get my 7dpo progesterone test done.

[ThreeYell]

MLA, I don't think that sounds crazy at all. I know several people who had either several first trimester losses or one second trimester loss because of clotting issues. They went on blood thinners and had healthy babies. A friend who really helped me lost her first baby at 18 weeks then found out she had Lupus and that caused the loss. That was five years ago and she just delivered her third healthy girl. I just didn't want to wish a medical problem on you, you know? But I DO wish you a healthy baby very soon.


I want to add a line to my email sig that says something to the effect of, "If you don't know the right thing to say, just say SORRY."

Amen, GlamaGal.

Annette, I'm sorry the waiting is hard but good luck with the testing.

[MLA]

Hi ladies. I just wanted to let you know that I have an appointment with an RE on November 5. Hopefully we'll be able to figure out what's going on and fix it.

I'm feeling a bit better today, physically. But I'm still worried that I've not bled enough (sorry for the TMI). I don't want to have a D&C if I can avoid it, so I'm hoping my body will clean itself out on its own.

So, I was at the ghetto grocery store near my house yesterday (I swear, it's nasty, but it's close), and I was so disgusted by the woman in line in front of me. She had a little boy with her -- about 4 years old. And she was about 7 months pregnant. The little boy was putting things on the conveyor belt that she didn't want to go on yet, so she asked him to stop. Well, he was being a typical 4 year old and testing boundaries, so the minute she turned her back on him, he put more things on the belt. When she saw this, she YELLED at him and hit his hand. She then drew back her hand as if to hit him again and got in his face, telling him "I'm going to SMACK you!" Add to that the fact that she was paying for her groceries w/WIC, and I was just disgusted. She obviously can't really afford the child she has now and is borderline abusive to him, yet she's pregnant. Man, life is just not fair.

[jenahdawn]

Man, life is just not fair.

That just about sums it up.

That and the word "sucks"

MLA, I'm hoping you get answers by Thanksgiving with all of the tests!!! (And, by that, I mean some sort of CONCLUSIVE answers!)

[ahavnes]

MLA's story is exactly why I hate it when people say "maybe you weren't meant to have a second child." Oh really? I'm not meant to have another child, but abusive mothers are? Cracked-out moms are ready for another child? Those who can barely provide for their children are ready for another child, but I'm not? With my loving home and stable lifestyle? :rolleyes:

MLA-Can you ask your OB about the bleeding? I think there are some meds that can help speed up the process w/o having a D&C.

[MLA]

I'm not meant to have another child, but abusive mothers are? Cracked-out moms are ready for another child? Those who can barely provide for their children are ready for another child, but I'm not? With my loving home and stable lifestyle? :rolleyes:


Exactly. That's what gets me. My DH and I are in a position to provide a child with a really good home, and yet here we are.

To answer your question, ahavnes, if I don't feel like I'm making enough progress in the bleeding department by the end of the week, I'm going to call my midwife and ask her what I should do.

jenahdawn -- Thanks. I hope I get some conclusive answers, too, and that if there's a problem, it can be fixed. That would certainly give me something to be thankful for at Thanksgiving.

[cr8zyforaf]

MLA - I am so glad you have a plan. I really hope you get some answers. My ob said there are two kinds of infertility - not being able to get pregnant and not being able to stay pregnant and she said that the best thing you can do in either of those situations is see an RE. I am so happy you called and got an appointment.


Man, life is just not fair.


That and the word "sucks"

Yup....My sister's two step daughters - both under the age of 20 just had babies..unplanned of course and neither of them can afford the child - one smoked and drank through her entire pregnancy....it doesn't make any sense.

[Sand]

Bitter: party of one over here! I hear you girls.

Don't tell me it was for a reason, and don't tell me it was because there was something wrong with the baby. FOUR TIMES? I. dont. think. so.

I finally made an appt with a new RE. I'm really hoping to find out what is wrong with me. I might go batsh1t if I get an "unexplained" again.

cr8zyforaf - that sucks about your sisters step daughters. so. not. fair. There is a girl that vomits daily (on purpose her co-workers say because she said she doesnt want to gain weight) and smokes in her car on her lunch in the office space next to ours. I want to slap her.

[babyjinks]

So I am glad I am not the only one feeling horribly sad. Last night in my speech class there was a lady giving a speech on child abuse and there were all these pictures of these poor little broken bodies and all I could think is God gives people like that these precious babies and mine got taken away from me..I walked out of class I felt horrible for the speaker but I was hysterical when I called my husband...... It is just so not fair and I know life is not fair but about this I dont care I WANT FAIR!

[hiphopgirl]

MLA - I am so sorry that you had another loss. I think I know how you feel. At first I kept thinking that I wasn't as sad as I thought I'd be. I was bitter and angry, but not sad. Then the sadness sort of snuck up on me and took over. Now I am feeling like it is way worse than the first time around. I'm so glad that you have an appointment to get tested. My OB is doing my testing, but if she doesn't find anything I think she might refer me to an RE. I really do hope you get conclusive results. I hope it isn't anything serious and that it is easily treatable.

WRT the bleeding. I started bleeding on a Saturday. It was really light and I was wondering why it wasn't more. Then on Monday night was when I started hemorrhaging. I'm not sure if you saw my earlier post. It was pretty graphic, but you might want to read it so that you can prepare yourself. I was really scared and completely caught off guard. I would hate for that to happen to you.

[MLA]

WRT the bleeding. I started bleeding on a Saturday. It was really light and I was wondering why it wasn't more. Then on Monday night was when I started hemorrhaging. I'm not sure if you saw my earlier post. It was pretty graphic, but you might want to read it so that you can prepare yourself. I was really scared and completely caught off guard. I would hate for that to happen to you.

Thanks, hiphop. I did see your post. It sounds awful. I can't imagine how difficult that must have been for you. How are you doing now? I don't remember -- how far along were you when you lost the pregnancy?

I think I'm okay. Basically my bleeding has been really light except that 3 or 4 times a day, I'll have a bout of really heavy bleeding, which then stops and I go back to light bleeding. It just feels like it's taking a while.

I'm still not overwhelmingly sad, or anything. Still just bitter and down. I'm not sure if my sense of loss isn't has strong as last time because we actually saw the empty gestational sac on the ultrasound, so I know there wasn't really a "baby" there yet. The first time around, I hadn't had a u/s by the time I had my m/c, so I just sort of assumed that there'd been an embryo. I don't know. It's weird.

I go in for an HCG test tomorrow. I might even do an exam, but I'm not sure. I'm actually feeling a lot better today. I may just see how things progress over the weekend and see what my numbers are on Monday. If they're not moving down quickly enough and if I'm not feeling well, I'll probably go into my midwife on Monday or Tuesday for an exam.

TM, can you please update my stats to include the latest loss?
M/C: 6 wks (August 5, 2007)
7 wks (October 15, 2007)

[allison]

I haven't been by in a long time. I'm sorry for that and I'm so incredibly sorry for all of the new members and their losses. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.

Things have so hard for me and so easy. It's strange, really, and hard to explain. I did my best to focus on what comes next and anxiously awaited AF to show up (which was TODAY! FINALLY!).

I go in for some blood tests tomorrow and then have my HSG test scheduled for almost two weeks from now. On Halloween DH and I meet with our RE about the test results and we'll see what our next step is. I never thought I'd be so happy to have AF show up. The timing is impeccable, we leave for vacation on Monday. DH surprised me with a trip to Disney not long after our M/C.

Our trip almost got canceled because two days ago I fell hard in our bathroom. In the process of that fall, I twisted my right knee and heard three loud pops. This brought back horrible memories of the few weeks prior to our wedding when I tore my ACL/MCL. I called DH and headed to the hospital which only ordered x-rays, no MRI. I explained to the doctors everything and that I knew the x-rays wouldn't show the tendons, but it didn't matter. The doctor did think it was cool that he could see the rod and screws in my leg and knee from my previous surgery. What kind of doctor is he???

Anyway, I'm keeping my leg securely wrapped up and decided that if I could walk down a mountain before my last surgery (long story, this one is long enough!) that I could handle Disney. Wish me luck!

[sunmoonstars75]

A little late, but wanted to let all of you know that jenahdawn was admitted to the hospital Thursday evening. She was having contractions every few minutes and not feeling them. They were able to slow the contractions, and while she is in the hospital now, she expects to come home and be on strict bedrest for the remainder of the pregnancy. She wanted to make sure that all of you knew, and that she is thinking of all of you too.

[jenahdawn]

And, after 4 days in the hospital, a round of steriods and some meds that gave me a headache, I am on modified bedrest at home.

I hope everyone is doing all right and I am glad to not see any new members in the last 4 days.

[ahavnes]

jenahdawn-Thank goodness! I will be praying for Lilly to stay put for a few more weeks.

I had a little conversation that I thought you all would find interesting. I went to Bebe yesterday to buy a dress for a wedding. The sales girl was super nice and very helpful. As I was checking out, we had the following convo:

Sales Girl (SG): Do you have kids?
Me: Yeah, one daughter who is two. She's fun, but a ton of work! ;)
SG: Are you planning to have any more?
Me: (Starting to get a pit in my stomach) Yes, but probably not for at least another year (b/c of a freaking tumor!!! Thanks for asking lady!).
SG: Well, don't have them too far apart or they won't be friends.
Me: I'll keep that in mind, thanks. :rolleyes:

She was a really nice girl, so I am not bitter and am not holding it against her...but....it just made me realize how much I have learned on CC. I hate to admit it, but that is totally the kind of thing I would have said a few years ago. Long before I knew how common m/c and IF are, sadly. Just thought I'd share.

[Annette]

jenah-I'm glad you are alright.

ahavnes-Wow, sounds like the SG was digging for info.

allison-have fun in Disney.

[cr8zyforaf]

ahavens - Yes...I used to always ask my friends with one - so, are you going to have more...not anymore. And really, at the time..I didn't realize how common infertility/miscarriages were.

Allison - Have fun in Disney.

jenahdawn - I will be praying for you and Lilly.

I had the 80th bday party last night - first time seeing SIL who is due Jan 6 - I did call her Saturday morning to tell her that I might cry and once I got it off my chest, I felt so much better and I was happy to see her....it was hard to hear everyone asking about her pregnancy and how she felt and at one point, MIL looked at DD and said 'oh, this time next year she will have a buddy to play with (SIL baby)' and all I could think was....this time next year she would have had a brother/sister.

So now, I just wait for my period and then I will decide what we are doing that cycle..my gut is telling me to sit it out..emotionally I am not ready for a BFN..which is more probable than a BFP given my history.

[Taylandra]

Just popping in to say that I'll be thinking about you, jenahdawn, and I hope that your little one stays put!

[Annette]

I just got news that our good friend just had a m/c at 8 weeks. I found out via her blog. Even though I've been through this myself, it's still hard to find the right words to say.

[tealynn]

jenahdawn, how scary! Glad you're home and everyone's okay. Hopefully the time will fly by.

ahavnes, I feel the same way. I'm sure I've said something to someone in the past that hurt them in some way. Of course, I'm so much more aware these days. (not to mention a few years wiser ;))

cr8zy, I'm glad you were able to see you SIL and feel good about it. Sometimes just getting things off your chest really helps.

Annette, how sad for your friend. I'm sure you'll be of comfort to her even if the words don't seem enough.

AF came this weekend, almost as normal. I'm so over temping, charting, opks. I'm not sure what plan of action I'll take this month...if any. I need to make appts to test for RPL, so I should prob get that out of the way before even thinking about ttc.

[MLA]

Jenahdawn -- I'm so glad that you're okay.

ahavnes -- Sometimes I wish that everyone in the world was on CC so that they could learn about m/c and infertility issues.

cr8zy -- I'm glad seeing your SIL went better than you thought it would, even though you had to deal w/MIL's comment

allison -- I hope you're healing well from your fall. It sounds painful!

annette -- Your poor friend. Does she know that you've been through it, too? She might feel more comfortable talking to you about it than other people because you have a better understanding of what she's going through.

me -- Well, the miscarriage finally seems to be over. No more bleeding today. This weekend, DH and I did some fun things, but whenever we weren't actually doing something to get my mind off things, I was feeling pretty down. On Friday, I went into Target and decided to just walk around a little. All of a sudden I was face to face with the baby section (different Target than I normally go to, so I wasn’t expecting to be where it was). It was weird. I just did an immediate about-face. I couldn’t stand looking at it. And later in the weekend, I was telling DH that I needed some retail therapy, but then I became sad again because just a week ago, I was thinking that I’d need to do a mini shopping spree for maternity clothes. And now that’s not so.

It’s been weird. The first miscarriage, I think I was more of an outward wreck. This time around, it’s more of a quiet depression. Unless I’m doing something that takes a lot of focus, I probably don’t go for more than 15 minutes without thinking about it.

DH and I are really looking forward to our RE app’t on the 5th. Neither of us want to go through this again, if we can avoid it. It’s just supremely sucky.


ETA: tealynne -- I feel the same way about temping and all that. I just started temping again this morning, and I'm just not into it.

[hiphopgirl]

It’s been weird. The first miscarriage, I think I was more of an outward wreck. This time around, it’s more of a quiet depression. Unless I’m doing something that takes a lot of focus, I probably don’t go for more than 15 minutes without thinking about it.

That is exactly how I feel. Also, the first time around I was a howling mess and then I got pregnant again and forced myself to feel better. This time around it's like a wound that just refuses to heal.

ahavnes I was at a work function last week and this guy kept pushing me the same way. We were both pretty *ahem* inebriated so I decided it wasn't a good time to tell him to mind his own business. I'm sure I've done the same thing. Gah! Time and circumstances have made me more PC.

Jenahdawn - I'm glad everything is okay. Take care of yourself.

Annette - I'm sorry for your friend. Hopefully she knows that she can come talk to you. I know how much easier it is for me to talk to people who have had a m/c.

me - I got b/w done on Thursday and I'm still at around 50!!! Ack. I would have thought that all that bleeding would have gotten me down to zero for sure. I'm supposed to wait another 2-3 weeks before I get tested again. I guess it isn't that big of a deal since we aren't anxious to start trying again. I just want to get down to zero so we can start testing.

I also went to a counselor last week. I don't know why I am having such a hard time with this, but I suspect it is because I never let myself grieve over the first loss. I kept telling myself to "buck up" and "other people have it worse than you". Then I got pregnant so quickly so that I could "just get over it already." Now I know that was the wrong thing to do. So now it's like I'm grieving for both losses at the same time. It really did help to talk to her, though. I already feel like I'm crying less than I was before.

Also, we just moved to a new office space and the woman who is due one week before I was is now right across from me. She was talking about her pregnancy with someone earlier today and I could hear the whole conversation. I was trying so hard to make noise in my cube so I couldn't hear it. This is going to be a long 6 months.

[Annette]

tealynn-Good luck with the testing. My doc had me hold off on TTC until the testing is done, so it might be the same for you.

MLA-you must be relieved that the bleeding stopped. I remember having to go to Babies R Us a couple months after the first m/c to get a gift for SIL and it was torture. It's hard not to think about it when you're not busy. Sometimes I'm glad I'm very busy at work.

hiphop-good to hear that going to the counselor helped. I hear ya on having other pg women at work. 3 just had their babies last month and there are still 2 more pg women, and it's still so hard to not be insanely jealous.

me: I called my friend and I'm glad I was able to comfort her somewhat. She's still waiting for the m/c to actually happen and she wasn't sure what to expect or when it was going to start. She just wants it to be over in order to move on.

[cr8zyforaf]

I called my friend and I'm glad I was able to comfort her somewhat.

I think this was such a nice thing to do. I found there are two camps of people - those who say something to you and those who avoid you like you did something wrong. A few of DH's cousins didn't even say hello to me on Sat night and seemed to be avoiding me. I guess they don't know what to say but that makes it so much worse.


I don't know why I am having such a hard time with this, but I suspect it is because I never let myself grieve over the first loss. I kept telling myself to "buck up" and "other people have it worse than you".

I hope the counselor told you that you shouldn't 'buck up' and that yes, other people do have worse situations but that doesn't make your situation any less painful and horrible. We are all way too hard on ourselves. I am so glad that talking to someone made you feel better.

MLA - I am thinking about you. I am also so much better when I am busy.

Yesterday I met a friend for lunch - she was due at the beginning of April (I was due at the end of April) and she had a mc a few weeks before I did. It was so nice to sit and chat about it - although the entire time we were chatting at Panera...there was a screaming baby at the table next to us..ironic.

MIL p*ssed me off - I asked her if I could cohost my SIL shower and she said yes...last week before she sent out invites I talked to her again about it and she asked if I was up to it and I told her yes - that I def wanted to be involved in the planning...so I get the invitation yesterday and only her name is on the hosted by line. She is such a b*tch - so I won't do anything to help her. DH said I should just let it go, but I've let so many thing go over the past 10 years I am sick of it.

[jenahdawn]

Ugh, af, your MIL....

We're still here. Either I'm more sensitive or her movements are getting much stronger.

While we were in the hospital, a few of the staff, who saw my chart, and I am quite open (with medical people) about what has happened kind of treated me as if I've never experienced contractions or anything before. Frustrated me quite a bit.

Otherwise, I've been thinking of everyone here and actually am pretty happy that, as far as I know, while I was in lock up for those 3 days, there were no losses. I kind of feel, in a way, that since I was there and we had such a big loss, the quota was still fullfilled. Does that sound crazy?

And I finally joined my month thread. And I noticed that there are three of you who should still be in it. I wish you still were...

[firefly]

Alicia, is the draw this week or next?

Thinking of all you mommies in here.

[miel]

MLA Sending you good thoughts. You sound like you are holding up but I know it must be very hard. I really do think of you often.

I've just decided to try again for this month. I don't really have time to wait and what the heck. But I am surprised how scary it is.

Thinking of all of you...

[MLA]

miel -- I wish you all the luck in the world this month. I hope this is it for you! Thanks for thinking of me, too. I appreciate it more than I can say.

And I've definitely been active on the boards (and a bit bitchy and catty, too). The silly drama's been a good distraction from my situation.

[cr8zyforaf]

Ohhh..drama?? Where?

Meil - good luck this month.

Me - I am doing OK....when I am busy..just waiting for my stupid period to come. Does anyone know - how long after a d&c does it take - I am on week 4 now (cd 27). Doctor told me to count d&c as CD1..does that make sense. I am not trying next cycle (emotionally I am just not ready)..but I want my body to get back on track.

[ThreeYell]

cr8zyforaf, I think it was about 5 weeks for me until AF returned.

[MLA]

cr8zy -- for drama you can always check out the vaccination thread in News & Politics, as well as the Halloween Costume thread in chit chat. I don't know the answer to your D&C question, but I imagine it will be about the same length as your normal cycle.

[hiphopgirl]

jenahdawn - I'm glad you were able to join your thread. I hope you are able to enjoy these last few weeks of your pregnancy.

cr8zyforaf - Mine took ~30 days. It was a couple days longer than a regular period for me. Sounds like you should be getting yours pretty soon.

I have the same question, but for a natural m/c. I still haven't hit zero yet. I'm wondering if I need to start counting from when I hit zero or do I start counting from when the bleeding really started? We aren't going to start trying right away, but I'm pretty anxious to feel "normal" again.

[Annette]

hiphop-how long has it been since your m/c? With mine, I counted the first day of m/c bleeding cd1 and my cycles were the usual length even though my betas took 2-4 weeks to get to 0.

[MLA]

I have the same question, but for a natural m/c. I still haven't hit zero yet. I'm wondering if I need to start counting from when I hit zero or do I start counting from when the bleeding really started? We aren't going to start trying right away, but I'm pretty anxious to feel "normal" again.

With my first miscarriage at 6 weeks, my cycle afterwards was just a bit shorter than my usual cycle. I counted the first day of bleeding as CD1. I haven't gotten my period yet since the last m/c, though I'm not expecting it for a while, anyway.

[miel]

cr8zyforaf Mine was about 30 days or slightly more from the first start of the bleeding. I think. I didn't keep good track.

I hope it comes soon for you and you can get on a regular cycle.

[Taylandra]

I didn't have a D&C-I guess it was just a natural miscarriage. My doctor had said it would be 4-6 weeks and I think it was just a little over 5 weeks when my period came. It seemed like it came about when it would have normally.

[jenahdawn]

I didn't have a D&C-I guess it was just a natural miscarriage. My doctor had said it would be 4-6 weeks and I think it was just a little over 5 weeks when my period came. It seemed like it came about when it would have normally.

Mine was something like that, too. I bled for a few weeks (gotta love being in that strange, inbetween m/c and s/b phase...:rolleyes: ), I think 4. Then it took 4-5 weeks until AF showed up. And I was right back on track immediately. (And the first after the bleeding stopped, though I prepared myself for it mentally, still devastated me and I remember sitting and just bawling.)

[ThreeYell]

OT, but jenahdawn, Lillian Grace is the most beautiful name. With the baby we lost, everyone thought it was a girl but we couldn't come up with a name for her. Very soon after we lost her, the name Grace just came to me. DH agreed immediately and I have a strong feeling that our Grace is still to come. I'm so happy for you that yours will be here soon!

[jenahdawn]

TY, thank you!

Actually, when I was waiting for DH to come home from work last November, we'd JUST talked the night before that we loved the names Katie and Chloe so much and we'd never be able to come up with another name. I turned on the TV and M*A*S*H was on, an episode entitled "Lil" As in Lillian. I mentioned to to DH when he picked me up for dinner and he loved it to. Then, immediately afterwards, I realized that Lillian was my grandmother's (Katie) sister, so I am convinced the girls picked out her name.

[Mrs.Chappy]

hi ladies. just offering support. my due date would have been tomorrow. DH has not said anything. i think he is just not thinking that way and is looking foward to our future. Either way, i am thinking of it. Its still hard, regardless of the fact that i'm 12 weeks along.

[cr8zyforaf]

Mrs.Chappy - I am so sorry - I think that this kind of loss is one of the loneliest losses a woman can suffer.

I will be thinking of you.

[ahavnes]

Mrs. Chappy-Thinking of you as your due date approaches. I think my DH will totally blank on ours. I don't think he even remembers it (which is honestly ok with me--I wish I didn't remember it too!)

jenahdawn- Lillian was my grandmother's name. I love it!

[tealynn]

I'm so depressed. I just saw photos of me in my sister's wedding and not only do I look chubby, it's soooo obvious I have a little baby bloating. It was 5 days after the m/c.

One step forward...two steps back.

http://i101.photobucket.com/albums/m73/tlingle_photos/fatt.jpg

[MLA]

Mrs.Chappy -- my thoughts are with you. I hope that tomorrow is gentle on you.

Tealynn -- I'm so sorry. That's got to be rough. :(

[kphillips4]

Mrs. Chappy - I was also dropping in to offer support for all of the ladies in this thread. My due date was the end of this month as well. It really is still hard even though I am 18W along in another pregnancy. Each is so special and it's hard to think that I would have had another baby at this time. My DH has not said anything either.

[cr8zyforaf]

kphillips4 - welcome - I am so sorry for your loss.

tealynn - I am so sorry. I am sorry those pictures will be a constant reminder of what you lost.

[tealynn]

Mrs. Chappy, I'm sorry I didn't even read your post. It was all about me :rolleyes:

I hope tomorrow comes and goes without too much pain. I'll be thinking of you.

[ThreeYell]

mrs.chappy, I'll be thinking about you tomorrow. I'm sure getting through a due date is rough no matter what. kphillips4, I hope you make it through OK too.

Ah man, tealynn, that sucks. As if the purely mental reminders don't hurt enough. :(

I got an email from my cousin this morning announcing her pregnancy. I truly am happy for her. She went through a miscarriage and IVF to have her son and now they got pregnant on their own. Still, I'm sad. If I'm not pregnant this cycle I won't be pregnant by my due date. I'll spend Thanksgiving with the whole family, including the pregnant cousin, thinking about how I shouldn't even be there because I should be home waiting to deliver.

[Annette]

Mrs Chappy & Kphillips-{{{hugs}}} to both of you.

tealynn-that sux. {{{hugs}}}

threeyell-It's still so hard not to think about what would have been.

[Mrs.Chappy]

thanks for the support. I just said to DH "you know, tomorrow would have been our due date" he was like "oh". men., whatever.

kphillips:thinking of you too!

[jenahdawn]

MrsC, kphillips, I discovered the anticipation of the day is much harder. Not that the day itself isn't hard, but the anticipation is just ucky.

Make sure you have soemthing planned for the day after, too. That hit me harder! Everyone was so worried about me on their due date that the day after rolled around and I had no distractions!

[cr8zyforaf]

MrsChappy - I am thinking of you today. Men just don't get it. My doctor said that women bond with the baby the second the pregnancy test shows positive...men are different - until we start showing and they can feel the baby move - it isn't real for them. I know that doesn't make it any easier - but he probably doesn't have any idea the impact of this day.

Annette - yes, what could have been. This is a tough one for me.

[Mrs.Chappy]

Thanks Jena, i'll be going to work tomorrow and trying to hide this pregnancy until at l east friday, so that willkeep me busy. That and not puking.

[babyjinks]

Mrs.Chappy- I know how you feel like ive mentioned before this was our week also.

Unfortunatly for my DH I have not been grieving quietly I am still angry about the whole thing so he has been hearing alot of I should be buying baby stuff right now I should be doing this and that for the baby..or just plain crying...somedays I am okay.. but like you said all it takes it 5 or so minutes without something else to think about and it all comes rushing back...Plus now we are TTC again and my period this month was all wacky...so not helping ...I got my hopes all up and now it looks like we will just have to keep trying....

[jenahdawn]

Mrs. C, vitamin B-6 tablets. every 4-6 hrs as needed. Worked WONDERS for my nausea. (and still for the days that it tries to return)

[hiphopgirl]

Mrs. Chappy, Babyjinks, and kphillips - I can't imagine how hard this is for you. I hope that you have plenty of distractions today. Make sure your husbands know how hard this day is for you. They won't be as upset, but they certainly can give you the support that you need.

tealynn - Having that visual has got to be tough. Hugs.

Today at the gym one of the men that I see everyday came up to me and gave me a really great compliment. He said that I have really trimmed down or something like that. Of course I was really flattered by the comment, but as soon as he walked away I realized that he was probably noticing that the past few months I've been a bit bigger in the middle. The bloat has finally gone away.

Then I realized that I have been pregnant (with one month off) since May. I've been pregnant for almost 5 months and I have nothing to show for it. That thought alone is enough to depress me. I'm not even down to zero yet so I guess on a technicality I'm still pregnant. I wasted a pregnancy test the other day just to see if it would still come back positive. The line was so faint I had to hold it up to the light to see it, but it was there. Gah! I have never wanted a BFN so bad in my life. I just need to decide when to go back for yet another blood draw. I'm really starting to empathize with ahavnes and getting to zero for me isn't even as big of a deal as it is for her.

[docoNY]

((hugs)) to everyone & any new members since I have last been here

I have been awol for a while and will continue to be.. need to back away and try to remain positive.

I am pg - 6 wks 4 days - been to the OB for beta testing and she had me in last night to see the hb so now that we have seen it I am a bit better and I know things can still go wrong but can't think about it - which is why I am going to go off and hide from here

I am due 6.21 and found out my SIL is due 6.12 so just hoping to god nothing goes wrong with either of us

anyway I just wanted to say I am thinking of you ladies and again hugs to you

[MLA]

docoNY -- I don't know if I knew you were pregnant -- but congratulations! Do what you have to do to remain positive. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you!

hiphopgirl -- I read your post yesterday, and it's been with me ever since. The idea that you've been pregnant for 5 months with no baby to show for it has to be really hard. And while the guy at the gym was being nice, I can see how his words would be hurtful. Hugs to you.

[tealynn]

hiphopgirl, wow, I never really thought about it like that. I'm so sorry your numbers are dropping slowly. That makes it so much worse.

doco, congrats also...you're doing the right thing, trying to stay positive and realizing, for the most part, it's out of your control. Thinking positive, sticky thoughts for you.

babyjinks, it's okay to feel angry and sad. I'm sure your DH understands or at least empathizes. Men grieve very differently than we do.

I was talking to my friend the other day...who knows what I've been going through. We were discussing H&M, cute clothes, blah, blah, and she mentioned they had cute baby clothes. I'm like, thanks for that little nugget. It really hurt my feelings. I know she wasn't thinking when she said it, none the less, I'll remember it for quite some time.

On another note, has anyone had mental issues with DTD? I am not that into it lately. I had to explain myself yesterday cause DH doesn't have any comprehension that it was just 5 short weeks ago that we were dealing w/the loss. I hate having to bring it up but I guess I'm still a little fragile.

[ahavnes]

Just a quick update…I had my first of 6 monthly draws on Monday and the hcg came back at “less than one.” LOL, I guess I am still not officially at a flat zero. :o I am actually laughing b/c I had my surgery almost 4 months ago! Anyway, less than 1 is good enough for me and my OB. Five more months of testing and then I am considered to be “in remission” and get the ok to TTC again. Not that I really even care about that right now. I’m just ready to be off of tumor watch. The only thing that is sad is that I know for sure I won't be pregnant when my due date rolls around in early February b/c I'll still be having monthly draws. But, all in all, things could be SO much worse (knock wood). I could be getting chemo!!!

Congrats docoNY!!! H&H 9 months to you!

hiphop-I’m sorry about the slow drop. If anyone understands how you feel, it’s me! :)

[jenahdawn]

has anyone had mental issues with DTD?

I bawled the whole time when we were given the okay. (Plus I waited another week for extra measure.) I told DH I probably would and it wasn't him, it was everything. He ended up crying with me.

[miel]

Hiphopgirl That's hard, when stuff like that happens.

Doco Congrats--take it easy. Sending you good thoughts.

Ahavens Glad to hear you can start TTCing in five months.

Hope everyone else is doing well.

[Alanna]

Hi everyone - I am sorry I haven't been around much. I hope everyone is doing okay.

I went on Friday for my final internal following up on my september m/c and got my first blooddraw for testing - (they took more than 10 vials of bloods - maybe 15 or so?) so crazy! I thought i was going to fall over when it was done.

(as an aside - i used to be really afraid of needles... if there is one thing that has come out of having these m/cs - i am not longer afraid of needles at all... its all become ridiculously routine.... :rolleyes: )

they are going to do 20+ tests for different things that might be causing the m/cs but when i showed my m/w my chart and talked to her for a while she thought (and I think too) that low progesterone is definitely at least a part of what's going on with me. With my last pregnancy i started taking progesterone but i think it was too late to do any good...

next time i am going to start taking it super early...

I should get my blood results hopefully in the middle of next week or so and it will be good to see if those shed any light on things.. and if they dont - well I am still glad that we are ruling things out.

DH and I have decided to take this cycle off... having the 2 m/cs essentially back to back left me feeling so weak emotionally and physically - i need to get myself back together again.. DH is very supportive so it really feels like the right decision.

__________________________________________________ _

Ahavnes - If anyone deserves a lab slip that actually says "0" its you! I think you are right though... less than 0 is good enough! congrats!

Tealynn - I am definitely having a hard time getting in the mood... i am hoping that with time I will start to feel more normal about everything...

DocoNY - A h&h 9 months to you! Come back and visit when you have that beautiful babe in your arms!

hiphopgirl - i think a lot of us can sympathize with having a tough time waiting to get to 0 - for me I wanted to be done with the physical side of the loss as quickly as possible and it was excruciating having it so drawn out. ((hugs)) and I hope you dont have to wait for too long to have your numbers drop.

((hugs)) to Mrs. Chappy, Babyjinks, and kphillips thinking of you all during this tough time.

[MLA]

On another note, has anyone had mental issues with DTD? I am not that into it lately.
I cried the first time after this m/c. It was just such an emotional thing. I think it's normal to have some hangups about it for a while afterwards.


Just a quick update…I had my first of 6 monthly draws on Monday and the hcg came back at “less than one.” LOL, I guess I am still not officially at a flat zero. [/B]

Well, I'm sorry you're not officially at zero, but I'm glad to hear that you're doing well and that both you and your doctor are happy with where you are.



DH and I have decided to take this cycle off... having the 2 m/cs essentially back to back left me feeling so weak emotionally and physically - i need to get myself back together again.. DH is very supportive so it really feels like the right decision.

I think that makes sense -- especially since you're just starting your testing. DH and I are also taking this cycle off. Maybe next cycle, too, depending on how my appointment on Monday goes.

[firefly]

Alicia. I'm so glad you are at 'less than 1" and that you are 'officially' off tumor watch.

[Taylandra]

Ahavnes- So glad to hear that it's below 1, even if it's not the flat 0 you were hoping for!

Alanna- Sounds like it would be good for you to take time off for a bit...I hope the tests come back with some answers for you!

Hello and hugs to other ladies!

Yesterday was a bad day...I had been feeling fine, we were moving on with TTC this cycle, and then I was in a terrible mood all week. I decided to go ahead and test yesterday (9DPO), but I got a BFN. That evening, when I got home from work, I got the ER bill from when I started miscarrying. I just started crying and I felt so silly. DH was nice, but I think he felt a little overwhelmed since I had been moody all week. But I just couldn't pull myself back up to a happy place. Today was a little better, but I think I just need to stop fooling myself that I'm not focusing heavily on TTC. I am and I know it.

Perhaps I'll go buy myself a tube of blue icing, pop in Gilmore Girls or Veronica Mars, and just hang out with myself...Kind of what my roomie and I used to do in college when we had a bad day/week!