Pet peeves when others visit your house... [Archive]

artist

08-05-2007, 12:35 PM

(Or things you notice about your guests...sort of a spinoff thread!)

Let me begin by saying MOST people who visit my home are wonderful! But over the years, occasionally guests do annoying things...such as...

- leaving the toilet seat up...especially if you are a female
- if you know me well and still come in through the front door instead of the side door
- arriving way earlier than expected (while I might still be cleaning, running errands, etc.)
- leaving half cans of pop all over the place
- people who only drink bottled water
- you can smoke...outside or on the porch...but could you PLEASE at least use an ashtray instead of whatever glass or container you happen to be near?
- if there are coasters on the coffee table, use them
- if you don't like pets, don't visit
- don't show up unannounced

Now add to the list...:)

Asha

08-05-2007, 12:43 PM

arriving very late.
cancelling at the last minute.
leaving pee on the toilet seat and/or not closing the lid.
leaving puddles of water on bathroom counter after washing hands. makes me wonder if they washed their face too.
this may sound silly, but guests who don't like to eat dessert. i know, i know they are trying to be healthy, but i just love to eat dessert and enjoy it with other people.

artist

08-05-2007, 12:46 PM

I'm almost ALWAYS up for dessert! However, sometimes it's a good idea to wait maybe a half an hour to serve it in case people are completely stuffed! I could also understand if the person unfortunately had to refuse dessert due to diabetes or an allergy to one of the ingredients!

People have left PEE on your toilet seat? Ick! (Maybe it was one of those people who hovers when peeing?)

artist

08-05-2007, 12:49 PM

- women who visit and CONSTANTLY feel the need to talk on the phone or text message their significant other...seriously...it's ONLY been a FEW hours! Chill out! He's still alive!

petdoc08

08-05-2007, 12:54 PM

-opening closed doors-The bathroom door is the only one left open, what are you looking for in my closet?
-cigarette butts thrown on the yard! I'm really not thrilled with people smoking on my property, but if you *have to have one* please dispose of the butt appropriately.
-asking for a tour of the upstairs- I rarely have it guest ready as it is only bedrooms up there and our guest room in on the main level.

I have a few other in law specific peaves but they are quite specific (like why does MIL always open my fridge even if I have already given her a drink/snack)

eli1126

08-05-2007, 01:33 PM

1. Leaving my toilet lids up- seriously, do you want my cats to go for a swim?
2. Leaving beer bottles/cans by the sink -Rinse them out and put them in the bag I showed you when you walked in.
3. Pestering my cats-They're cats, when you chase them around the house, they hide.
4. Cigarette butts-Please throw them out in the alley way, not in my flower beds.

jajacobsen

08-05-2007, 01:58 PM

Most of mine have already been mentioned.

This sounds wierd, but for diner party guests, "hijacking" my menu by insisting upon bringing something that MUST be served for the event. When I have not asked anyone to bring anything. Usually I am okay with this but sometimes I get really POed when someone brings three or four dishes. I'm like, why did I even bother to plan a menu or prepare anything?

Even worse, insisting upon bringing something to a large party which requires elaborate preparation in my kitchen. Look, I'm trying to answer the door/greet, etc to the 30 people who are coming to my cookout. I don't have time to help you bake up puff pastry and puree, strain and deseed raspberries for a coulis! Honest to god - real life example. If you want to bring something elaborate - prepare it in your home. If it doesn't travel well - bring soemthing else.

People who show up early for an event. 30 min before an event starts I'm either in the shower or running around hysterically. DON'T COME EARLY "TO HELP." No one except my husband or my BFF who knows my kitchen/house/animals intimately can really help. Everyone else is in the way.

Guests who comment upon how much our possesions must cost. It embarasses me and I never knwo how to answer. Do I really need to admt that mostly every piece of furniture has some sort of scrtch or dent strategically hidden but for which it was able to be purchased at discount?

And all the normal stuff already mentioned - toilet seat left up - WHY? Isi it okay to leave the top off of someone' else's peanut butter? Well then my is it okay to leave the toilet seat up? I don't like retriving fallen objects from there!

Children chasing my dogs and cats - you wouldn't like that if my animals did that to your children, why is it okay for your children to do that to my pets?

Re-arranging my furnityre. Yes - it has been done. thank you NOT!

Irish Elf

08-05-2007, 04:07 PM

This sounds wierd, but for diner party guests, "hijacking" my menu by insisting upon bringing something that MUST be served for the event. When I have not asked anyone to bring anything. Usually I am okay with this but sometimes I get really POed when someone brings three or four dishes. I'm like, why did I even bother to plan a menu or prepare anything?

I am so with you on this. If it's potluck great. MIL is the queen of doing this. I'll have a menu planned where everthing compliments each other and she'll insist in bringing something. It's great that she offers and usually I take her up on it but sometimes I like to do it all myselff. I'm good at desserts but she will insist on bringing a cake she insists DH likes. Unfortunately he is the only one so it goes to waste. And she also demands it be served right after dinner. I'm usually full so I pass and then she makes a snarky comment about me not eating dessert and thats why I am so thin. No, I'm thin b/c I eat in moderation and don't stuff myself and I exercise. I actually LOVE dessert.

Showing up early if you aren't there to help.

Showing up late (not just fashionably late). I wonder if I should serve dinner or wait. Are they coming or not? Did something bad happen?

rearranging my house to suit your needs. When MIL was here after the baby she kept redoing my kitchen as hers is so I could never find anything. And she kept putting extra toilet paper rolls on the toilet back. I would put the extra ones back in the cabinet right next to the toilet and she would take them out.

Making fun of how I like my coffee (especially when you aren't a coffee drinker)

Ditto on the people who come over and use their phone to talk/text.

artist

08-05-2007, 04:13 PM

- People who say, "Can I go outside to meet your dog?" and then not only do they do THAT, they somehow accidentally leave the gate open and notice many minutes later he is out having a wonderful time running all around the neighborhood!

Seriously, imagine if I said, "Can I go upstairs to see your baby in the nursery?" and then I left a bunch of small Barbie shoes all over the floor for your child to choke on, but somehow didn't notice until about twenty minutes later.

melmo

08-05-2007, 05:58 PM

My only pet peeve when people visit is bothering my cats.

I would prefer that people not just drop in, but it's pretty common in my social circle. I have gotten used to that.

kalogrias

08-05-2007, 06:09 PM

I truly hate it when people come early. Not 15 minutes early, but 45 minutes early. And then will sit in my livingroom and yack on their cell phone. Seriously, you could have stayed in your car or outside and talked on the phone instead of interrupting my last-minute preparations (and, likely, shower) so that I can entertain you. Ugh. I have one friend who does this all.the.time -- and we've talked to her about it, and she still does it. Grrr.

Putting away things and doing my dishes. My apartment and kitchen are arranged in such a way that I know where everything is -- so that I can find the things I need in the event that my glasses break and my contacts disappear. Thank you for offering to do the dishes, but no, please do not put them away so that I have to look for them the next time I want to use them. Ditto, glad to have you over, but rearranging my shelves in a more "pleasing" way is not polite; moreover it's annoying and the surest way to never be invited over again.

CarolinaGirl

08-05-2007, 06:17 PM

My sink has a clean side and a dirty side. The dirty side usually doesn't have anything in it because I rinse out my dishes and put them into the dishwasher. The clean side may have a pan left to drain, but it is obviously clean. Plus, there is a cutting board covering half of the clean side. It drives me crazy when someone empties their cola or coffee into the clean side all over my clean dishes! It wouldn't bother me so if it were just an infrequent house guest, but when it's someone who is close to me or more of a frequent visitor, it just does. Maybe I'm just picky.

I also can't stand when someone throws their cigarette butt into my yard.

Visitors who take a cell phone call and go off into another room for a 1/2 hour.

When visitors are really late

When they don't show up - like the electrician for the past two Saturdays.

When I can hear someone in my bathroom opening and closing drawers. What are they looking through my bathroom drawers for?

MichelleRenee

08-05-2007, 06:23 PM

kam

08-05-2007, 07:26 PM

I hate when people comment on the contents of my fridge. Anyone who knows us knows we rarely drink pop so why come to our house and ask why we never have pop? We try to keep it on hand to accomodate others, but it is never the right kind anyways! (Same with beer!)

A BIG pet peeve of mine. We have staples in our fridge and some stuff to cook meals but there are only two of us. We don't have children. Our pantry and fridge do not have to be stocked for 3 years. We live less than a minute from a grocery store and we have plenty of canned goods to get us through the apocolypse, thankyouverymuch.

If you are the first one here (an hour early) and the last one to leave, you may think I want you to leave. You'd be right.

Because you think a child's behavior is appropriate at home (e.g. pounding on walls), it does NOT mean that it's appropriate everywhere.

If your child spills something, tell me. Don't let me find out about it a couple of days later and figure it out on my own (and after the stain has more than set in). If you think you've cleaned it up, ask for a second opinion of another guest if you do not feel comfortable owning up to it yourself. Chances are you've missed a spot. Or several spots.

No, my animals live here. You do not. You know my living situation before you visit. Do not ask for anyone to be put away unless you are allergic. And if you're allergic, it might be wise for us to meet at a restaurant instead.

DansGirl

08-05-2007, 07:58 PM

- Making comments about what type of milk/beer/pop are in my fridge insinuating that its gross b/c its different than your brand, usually along the lines of "how can you drink that?"

-Being invited over to a party, big dinner and not asking to bring something. I know this seems weird and probably uptight of me. I was raised that you at least always ask the hostess, if they say no - fine (and you should not bring anything then), but I think you should ask. My inlaws NEVER ask. Maybe my general annoyance with them though fuels this one.

-Guests who let their kids run wild. Guests who let their kids throw my kid's books. Ugh.

-People who don't take their shoes off. We're a shoeless household - you can get away w/ it on a nice summer day, but not in the winter. And don't get offended when I ask you to. There my floors.

-This one is also directed to certain inlaws - mingle people. When we have a party and you're invited, don't hover in the corner like its killing you to be here.

Standrea

08-05-2007, 08:09 PM

-Totally hate when people don't take their shoes off, or don't ask if they should take their shoes off.

-Don't babyproof my house. I have baby proofed it enough for my liking and my child. Maybe you should watch your child and teach them not to touch others belongings.

-If you don't like anything I've offered to drink, go to the store yourself. The liquor store is a 3 minute walk away. Please don't ask my husband if he "wants to go for a ride" so he'll drive you to the store and buy you your choice beverage. We have plenty of beer/wine/liquor in our house.

-TO MY BIL-DO NOT BARADE MY LIQUOR CABINET, PICK THROUGH YOUR CHOICE OF ALCOHOL (which always seems to be the most expensive of the bunch) TAKE THE TOP OFF AND START TO DRINK IT FROM THE BOTTLE. IF YOU DO THIS, I WILL CHARGE YOU. YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY I LET YOU OVER STAY YOUR WELCOME ANYWAY...Grrrr

-please put the toilet seat down. It grosses me out to hear the dog drink for the toilet.

-It annoys me when people leave their belongings behind. That makes clutter in my home and makes me very nervous.

MrsBeckyLP

08-05-2007, 08:12 PM

Putting away things and doing my dishes. Thank you for offering to do the dishes, but no, please do not put them away so that I have to look for them the next time I want to use them.

Yes! It's very nice to offer (and pretty much expected that you do so!), but I always say no when people offer to help cleaning up the kitchen. You don't know where my stuff goes, so it's more of a PITA for me to tell you than to do it myself. Likewise, I hate helping out in the kitchen at other people's houses because I feel useless and annoying when I have to ask where stuff is/goes. That's why I say no when people ask if they can help at my house!

MidwesternGal

08-05-2007, 08:51 PM

Visitors who take a cell phone call and go off into another room for a 1/2 hour.

OMG this drives me NUTS. My DH is VERY guilty of that offense. GRRR.

Another one to add:

--OVERSTAYING YOUR WELCOME. Hello, please go home. If we are talking about the same thing as we did 5 HOURS ago, or are sitting staring at each other, seriously, it's time for you to LEAVE. What part of that do you not understand??? ARG!!

pixiecat

08-05-2007, 09:12 PM

My only real pet peeve is people who show up unannounced. We live in a very rural area, and no one is just "passing by." Seriously, call. And if I don't pick up your call, that means I probably don't want to see you. :rolleyes:

Once you're here, however, you are welcome to do my dishes! ha ha :)

Adaya

08-05-2007, 09:38 PM

-Guests who let their kids run wild.

I was trying to think of something I could post in this thread and really couldn't come up with anythng until I saw that. OMG, I can't stand it when people come over with their kids and just let them run wild. Letting kids pick up and drop this and that is not cute. I don't have kids and my house is not babyproofed in any way. So I get nervous and on edge when kids are just running around all willy nilly. Then when something happens like a fall or "run-in", those screams and cries could have been avoided with just a little more attentiveness.

And while I'm at it, just because it's my house doesn't mean that I have to watch the kids when they are in my house. I don't have any kids, and when my guests choose to bring their kids here, I expect them to take care of them. I shouldn't be the one to make their plates, serve them, clean up after them and all that jazz just because it's my house. The adults don't expect me to do that for them, so I should have to do it for the kids either. Ugghhh, I'm getting pissed off just thinking about it.

artist

08-06-2007, 01:46 AM

Am I the only one who might HAVE enough dishes to have a dinner party for a party of about 12, yet if I have more than a FEW people over I just get out the paper plates to AVOID doing the dishes?

Asha

08-06-2007, 03:10 AM

OMG, I can't stand it when people come over with their kids and just let them run wild.
i agree. one time this kid got stuck in our lazy susan bc he was running around unsupervised. there was no way i could be a hostess for 30 people and watch the kid, and i never said i would watch the kid.

Am I the only one who might HAVE enough dishes to have a dinner party for a party of about 12, yet if I have more than a FEW people over I just get out the paper plates to AVOID doing the dishes?
me!!!! i am so glad we never registered for fine china bc it would have gone to waste. whenever we have more than a few guests, its paper. i really hate the waste, but my lame excuse is we have never had a dishwasher.

roadrunner

08-06-2007, 04:11 AM

Ditto this:

Don't babyproof my house. I have baby proofed it enough for my liking and my child. Maybe you should watch your child and teach them not to touch others belongings.

-A major one of mine is when people bring their pets unnecessarily. If they are coming for overnight, etc. and it can't be avoided, then it's fine to bring them, but for a two hour visit for my child's B-Day party??? :confused:

-Also, worst yet in my book is people who bring their pets and then completely disregard our house rules for our pets. Our dog is not allowed on the furniture, and would never get up there, but my brother and his wife always bring their dog, and will actually lift it up and put it on the couch!!! I tell them that I don't want the dog on the furniture, and they laugh. Then they let the dog sleep in bed with them. Ugh. They also don't clean up their dog's poop from my yard, so I end up having to do it.

- Leaving the toilet seat up. It's a major hazard for children, so we always keep the lid closed.

pride&prejudice

08-06-2007, 04:26 AM

-Also, worst yet in my book is people who bring their pets and then completely disregard our house rules for our pets. Our dog is not allowed on the furniture, and would never get up there, but my brother and his wife always bring their dog, and will actually lift it up and put it on the couch!!! I tell them that I don't want the dog on the furniture, and they laugh. Then they let the dog sleep in bed with them. Ugh. They also don't clean up their dog's poop from my yard, so I end up having to do it.

OMG, people do this? I mean we take our dog to my ILs and my parents when we are staying overnight, but we always ask. And I'm usually more strict with her there than at our place.

Guests who comment upon how much our possesions must cost. It embarasses me and I never knwo how to answer. Do I really need to admt that mostly every piece of furniture has some sort of scrtch or dent strategically hidden but for which it was able to be purchased at discount?

This is us. DH got embarassed, because after a few times I just started pointing out the dents and scratches, and it shut them up.

- People who hover and constantly look at things around my house. While I realize they might actually be interested in some of the things (ie. books, items from places we've traveled, etc.) it makes me nervous that they are checking how clean things are, or ready to make comments on my decorations.

udsweetpea

08-06-2007, 04:39 AM

These are cracking me up!

Do any of you actually tell your house guests what bothers you? Our friends usually tell us calmly after we do something that gets on their nerves like "hey, recycling goes over there" or "this is my clean side of the sink".

chefker

08-06-2007, 04:49 AM

Biggest one - people who show up unannounced. And then they give the 'look' like I'm the world's biggest slob if they spot a pile of junk mail I was sorting through to recycle. Hello, you drop in last minute, no time to clean!

When grilling hamburgers for a cookout - I ALWAYS ask how people want them cooked. Inevitably, someone will say 'medium' when they actually mean well done, and will make me re-cook it 2-3 times because it's 'too rare'. I almost want to hand them a meat thermometer and say 'do it yourself'! Or even better, eat a damn veggie burger. :)
This has been a BIG annoyance this summer.

If we happen to run out of TP and nobody TELLS me. This is rare because I always keep 1-2 backup rolls in the bathroom, but still, it has happened.

colz85

08-06-2007, 05:08 AM

I must be laid back to the degree that I am dead, because none of this stuff bugs me. I suppose crazy children or people asking my cats to be put away would bug me in theory, but it hasn't happened yet. If I note one of the cats seems to be bothering a guest, I'll put him/her in a bedroom...I invite people over to be a guest, not to be tortured by my cats! But mostly the cats roam and find new friends.

that said....my house cleaner sometimes rearranges stuff in the house....the linen closet, medicine cabinet, stuff like that, and it doesn't bug me a bit. So I am probably on the extreme end of "laid back about house stuff".

Asha

08-06-2007, 05:28 AM

When grilling hamburgers for a cookout - I ALWAYS ask how people want them cooked. Inevitably, someone will say 'medium' when they actually mean well done, and will make me re-cook it 2-3 times because it's 'too rare'. I almost want to hand them a meat thermometer and say 'do it yourself'! Or even better, eat a damn veggie burger.
This has been a BIG annoyance this summer.
i can't believe someone would ask you to recook something. i think i'd find a way to heat up more in the micro or at least be precise on how i ordered my burger. this reminds me of a time when one of my guests wanted hot tea. i gave him hot tea, and he proceeded to tell me he wanted another tea bc it was too hot. that just was rude to me bc he could have just waited until it cooled down a bit to drink it.

I must be laid back to the degree that I am dead, because none of this stuff bugs me. I suppose crazy children or people asking my cats to be put away would bug me in theory, but it hasn't happened yet. If I note one of the cats seems to be bothering a guest, I'll put him/her in a bedroom...I invite people over to be a guest, not to be tortured by my cats! But mostly the cats roam and find new friends.
i don't think anyone here said there cat is torturing others but the reverse that the guests bother the cats. a lot of people don't know how to treat cats and don't understand it takes most cats a long time to warm up to people.

fuzzy

08-06-2007, 05:38 AM

My house is a disaster most of the time, so when someone stops in, I end up chucking everything into closets and cabinets. Therefore, I hate it when people ask me for something and then say "don't worry, I'll get it -- just tell me where it is." Um, no, I don't want you opening any shut door so please sit down and I'll get whatever it is you need.

myshel

08-06-2007, 06:49 AM

-Don't babyproof my house. I have baby proofed it enough for my liking and my child. Maybe you should watch your child and teach them not to touch others belongings.

Specifically, my sister's children. They have broken so many things in our house. They also feel free to break DS's toys too. Drives me crazy! I guess I'm not so uptight about people moving some of our things around to avoid issues with their own children. We have several friends whose children are younger than my oldest, so I want them to feel comfortable. Everyone has a different level of feeling safe about babyproofing.

And while I'm at it, just because it's my house doesn't mean that I have to watch the kids when they are in my house. I don't have any kids, and when my guests choose to bring their kids here, I expect them to take care of them. I shouldn't be the one to make their plates, serve them, clean up after them and all that jazz just because it's my house. The adults don't expect me to do that for them, so I should have to do it for the kids either. Ugghhh, I'm getting pissed off just thinking about it.

Again, my sister's children. When they come to our house, my sister expects us to parent them. Her excuse is that it's our house, so it's our rules, and we need to enforce them. I do think, however, that there are some basic rules that make sense; for instance, don't take your clothes off and stand in the very large front window and press your body up against the glass. That seems like something you probably shouldn't do at other people's houses.

nawsgirl

08-06-2007, 08:12 AM

This may sound silly, but it really annoys me when the ILs come to stay (usually for 5 or so days) and every morning they come downstairs and hang out before showering or anything. So MIL is hanging around in her (barely knee length) nightgown, and FIL at least wears jeans and a t-shirt but his hair is a disaster and he generally looks like a mess. I don't know why it bothers me so much!

When my mom comes to visit, she always cleans, which is fine, but she will try to rearrange things in the kitchen or try to force me to do a whole bunch of stuff because it's bothering her but she doesn't know how to take care of it- like clear off a surface, go through mail, etc.

eli1126

08-06-2007, 08:32 AM

i don't think anyone here said there cat is torturing others but the reverse that the guests bother the cats. a lot of people don't know how to treat cats and don't understand it takes most cats a long time to warm up to people.

ITA! My cats usually can't be bothered with my house guests, but recently we had a get together and a group of children, including my two nieces, that were chasing my cats up and down the stairs. Needless to say, I wasn't happy.

The baby proofing thing-We don't have children, so our house isn't baby proofed. I do the best we can to accommodate guests with little children, but please don't be afraid to tell your child "no" of they try to get into something. And don't tell me it's my fault that you weren't watching your child and that's why the cat food is all over the floor.

colz85

08-06-2007, 08:33 AM

i don't think anyone here said there cat is torturing others but the reverse that the guests bother the cats.

Right...but sometimes the animal IS actually bugging the guest, ( I have one cat who is INCREDIBLY friendly) and in that case, I would put my cat in a bedroom for a couple of hours. If something is making the guest uncomfortable, I would try to change it.

eli1126

08-06-2007, 08:43 AM

OMG nawsgirl! If my MIL came over in her nightgown, I'd probably die of laughter after asking her what she was in such a hurry to get here for that she had to wear her nightgown :D

Adaya

08-06-2007, 08:56 AM

I do think, however, that there are some basic rules that make sense; for instance, don't take your clothes off and stand in the very large front window and press your body up against the glass. That seems like something you probably shouldn't do at other people's houses.

ROFL!! Okay I'm sorry, but this has me dying laughing. :D

salysaturn

08-06-2007, 08:57 AM

yes, the closet thing makes me mad. Why open them :(

ash313

08-06-2007, 09:18 AM

I had a specific visitor who would:

- go into our office and sit on the internet checking email, playing games, looking stuff up etc. This really bothered me b/c a) it's rude and 2) it's our offices, we would have bills, pay stubs etc out on the desk at times and this person is VERY nosy.
- would complain about how bored they were
- would go into our pantry and not only complain that we never had anything "good" in there. (We do not eat a lot of junk food which is what was considered "good" by this person) but help themselves to what ever they wanted to eat and proceed to eat it. Normally this would not bother me but this person did this ALL the time!
- would NEVER feed their child and would depend on us to have stuff for the child to eat.

Seriously, even if this person was here for an hour all of this would take place.

AHammer

08-06-2007, 09:26 AM

when people assume it's okay to bring their dog over and run wild in my house. If they bring a crate, that's fine. But I have nice furniture and I don't want dog hair or scratches all over it.

lauren f s

08-06-2007, 09:36 AM

People who bring their children and don't have them help clean up when it's time to go. This is mostly directed at my SIL and nephew, who is a terror and literally pulls out every single toy he can find in DD's room, then they leave the mess for us to clean up.

Also, for said SIL, her son is short. He cannot stand to pee. He's 3 but a good 6 inches shorter than DD (same age) and she'd be too short to do this. HE'S TOO SHORT! Do not have him do this in my bathroom, then allow him to really pee on the toilet and floor, and leave it! It's not my job to clean up his pee!

CarolinaGirl

08-06-2007, 09:50 AM

It really irks me when someone comes over and just walks in without knocking, or even opens the door and sticks their head in and calls me. Just knock and I'll come to the door. DH's cousin just walked in one time and I was back in the kitchen eating breakfast in my pjs. I usually try to keep the door locked, but on occasion we have it unlocked for one reason or another.

I also can't stand it when someone (usually the same cousin) just waltzes into our kitchen and starts looking through our fridge and cabinets for something to eat or drink. Typically I'll offer something, but if I don't there's usually a good reason - like, we've been waiting on you for 2 hours to go somewhere with us and we need to get a move on. I would much rather have someone ask if I have anything to drink or snack on than to go searching in my cabinets themselves.

PG-rated

08-06-2007, 10:14 AM

Along the line of opening closet doors...

I hate it when guests open our bedroom door and/or walk into the bedroom. That room is a total hellhole and barely liveable for US at the moment, never mind being company-ready. It's the only door in the entire apartment that's shut, so why would you need to open it? We've already shown you the closet for your coat! :mad:

jajacobsen

08-06-2007, 10:17 AM

Seriously, people need to learn some manners! Never, never, never open a door, cabinet or drawer that is shut unless expressly invited to do so by the hosts? What is so hard about that?

thedoorchick

08-06-2007, 10:19 AM

I'm confused about the shoe thing. Is it really common (in the U.S., anyway) to expect guests to take off their shoes? As much as I like going barefoot, I've never thought about my guests doing the same - I mean, what if they have stinky feet? And I don't remove my shoes when I visit others, for a similar reason. Maybe I should be?

It bothers me when people try to argue with me about bringing something. If we're doing some sort of pot luck or inviting others to contribute, or if they offer to bring something that goes with the menu that they do really well, that's one thing. But I really like to cook and I put a lot of effort into entertaining, and it's really uncomfortable to politely decline someone's offer to bring something, and for them to go on and on about it. One time someone said to me, "Well, you shouldn't have to pay to feed everyone!" Ummm, I thought that was what hosting a party was?

akacharlotte

08-06-2007, 10:42 AM

Shoes. If I ask that you take them off, please take them off.

Not putting the toilet seat all the way down. I have a dog and I don't want him drinking out of the toilet.

jajacobsen

08-06-2007, 10:47 AM

I really think the shoe thing depends upon your area of the country. Here, it is not uncommon for people to expect guest to remove their shoes.

I used to be really anal but now I'm pretty lax about it for guests who come over and stay on the main floor, because it is all hardwoods, so the floors clean up easily. So if I invite a bunch of people over for dinner, I dont ask that they remove their shoes. And if said guest were randomly invited to see something on the second floor (which is all ivory carpeting) I wouldn't ask they remove their shoes.

But if you are staying in my house for an overnight, I do exect you to follow the "when in Rome" approach which means that shoes are removed when coming in the house. Especially tennis shoes. Sorry, but that's just the house rules. Kinda like the no smoking one.

We often go to people's haouses and when we arrive there are a bunch of shoes in teh foyer. That signals to us it is a a "shoes off' kind of house.

LittleFredPunkinHead

08-06-2007, 10:57 AM

Not putting the toilet seat all the way down. I have a dog and I don't want him drinking out of the toilet.
I absolutely agree with this. Particularly because we use those bleach tabs in our toilets, which is why we always have the seat all the way down.

wendalah

08-06-2007, 11:13 AM

I'm pretty relaxed and not too much bothers me.

I really, really hate the shoe thing when I go over to other people's houses though. Great, not only do you get to see my (possibly not in the best shape) feet. I have to look at and smell everyone else's nasty feet.

Houses are for living in, not museum pieces. Taking shoes off is just overly anal to me.

strawberry4

08-06-2007, 11:24 AM

DH and I do not wear shoes in our house. Just something that we do. However, when guests visit, I would never ask them to remove their shoes. Many guests will see that we are not wearing ours and remove theirs, but if they do not, it is no bid deal.

When I first met BIL and family for the first time, BIL greeted me at their front door and before shaking my hand, asked me to remove my shoes. I was aghast.....it was so awkward. I already planned on taking my shoes off, but it was very odd and awkward to me. Well, he is odd and awkward but that is a whole different thread! :rolleyes:

Sin Nombre

08-06-2007, 11:29 AM

I really, really hate the shoe thing when I go over to other people's houses though. Great, not only do you get to see my (possibly not in the best shape) feet. I have to look at and smell everyone else's nasty feet.

Houses are for living in, not museum pieces. Taking shoes off is just overly anal to me.

Totally agree. I'm glad they don't do this much here in the northeast, at least not among the people I know. (I don't think I've ever been asked to remove my shoes, as a guest, anywhere in the northeast.)

Sometimes I build my whole outfit around an awesome pair of heels -- I'd be awfully disappointed if I had to take them off! :D

alootikki

08-06-2007, 11:34 AM

The shoe thing is cultural, too. In my culture, shoes are viewed as dirty since they've been on the street with who knows what crud. You take them off in your own house, in others' houses, and before you go into a temple. Ever see the Diwali episode of "The Office" where Angela is standing guard over all the shoes? ;)

So having all of that ingrained in me, I do cringe if people don't take their shoes off and will usually ask them to do so. It is awkward though when "new" people come over and I have to ask them to take their shoes off...especially if they have no idea about the cultural values behind it and assume I am just strange.

DansGirl

08-06-2007, 11:37 AM

I'll let guests keep their shoes on if a) their shoes aren't dirty & b) it's not rainy/muddy/snowing, etc. outside. I think its funny b/c the views on shoes in the house seems to be a regional thing.

Natasha

08-06-2007, 11:40 AM

My future in laws, and almost all of my future husbands friends, are Chinese. taking shoes off at the door is very common. He prefers that we don't wear shoes in our house, either, so I don't. However, if my friends wear shoes in the house, we don't make a big deal about it.

One of my biggest pet peeves is when people clean up during a party. A friend of ours will start doing dishes, and throwing all the trash away. Stop! Enjoy the party. I will clean up later.

colz85

08-06-2007, 11:55 AM

I really, really hate the shoe thing when I go over to other people's houses though. Great, not only do you get to see my (possibly not in the best shape) feet. I have to look at and smell everyone else's nasty feet.

Houses are for living in, not museum pieces. Taking shoes off is just overly anal to me.

Same here. I never wear shoes in my own house, but when I go to someone else's, I wipe my feet before I come in, for pete's sake. And really, there's not much that can't be cleaned up, if we're talking regular shoe dirt.

I just would never want a friend/guest to feel like I was more concerned with the state of my carpet than their comfort/enjoyment while in my home.

2kCougar

08-06-2007, 11:57 AM

Yuck--I hate it when people wear shoes in the house.

Also, my counter tops and tables are not your personal nail files--so stop scratching them!

If you take something out, put it back.

Dishes are washed in the kitchen. That would be the best room for you to leave any dirty dishes. I don't feel like scouring my house to find a missing glass.

villanelle75

08-06-2007, 12:00 PM

Oh My! The great "asking guests to remove their shoes" debate has been stirred up again.

We really got into this one back on WC, and a slightly milder version of the convo was had on CC. I believe it was this thread. (http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=8683&highlight=remove+shoes)

DallasLady

08-06-2007, 12:02 PM

The doorbell. No one in DH's family uses the doorbell. We have the largest house of any of his family members, and when someone knocks, unless I am in the foyer I'm not going to hear it. So they knock and knock and then stand there waiting. I always say "Use the doorbell, we can hear it from anywhere in the house." But do they ever use it? Nope. Must be too high class for them :rolleyes:

lauren f s

08-06-2007, 12:19 PM

Eating my food without asking.

I have a 17 year old BIL and if he comes over with MIL after work (we live on her way home; he's working with her for the summer) he'll help himself to anything in my fridge or pantry. Normally I wouldn't mind, because I always keep snack-type foods on hand. But he'll eat things I have set aside for meals during the week! Or he'll use half a loaf of bread and half a package of lunch meat making sandwiches and he just jokingly says "I'm making a few sandwiches!". I don't mind if you're hungry and you want a sandwich, but you do not need five of them and you certainly don't have to use half of my package of good deli meat that I was saving for grilled sandwiches for dinner! And then leaves the mess for me to clean up! AND - they take my glasses! I'd say they stop by 3 or so times a week and I'll fix a drink for them both and they leave with them! This is why I've resorted to plastic cups...

Most of my pet peeves are related to my in laws....:o

Medako

08-06-2007, 12:22 PM

we don't generally have a lot of houseguests because we don't entertain often, but ...

when people don't at least offer to help clean up. Honestly, I would NEVER go to someone's home and dirty their dishes, eat their food, etc and then not offer to help clean things up. This includes dishes, putting away leftover food, wiping down countertops or tables. Apparently I'm the minority with this.

also, people that don't offer to bring something for just a get-together. If I'm having a BBQ or something, it would not hurt my feelings for you to bring a salad or a plate of cookies, something. I was raised to never go to someone's house empty-handed for something like that.

DaniML

08-06-2007, 12:26 PM

I'm generally pretty laid back when it comes to house guests. I don't care if they take their shoes off or not and I don't care if they leave their glass on the living room table. I'll clean up after they leave.

What drives me nuts though is when guests let their kids do what they want. We have friends that have a teenage son. This son will just wonder into our office and use the computer. I really wouldn't care, but ASK first! Especially when he uses my (work) laptop!

MichelleRenee

08-06-2007, 12:37 PM

The shoe thing really bothers me. I have a DS who crawls on the floor and 5 young nieces and nephews so there is always a child of crawling age at my house. It's best to keep the dirt, germs and other things stuck to people's shoes off the floor. And winter is the worst!! I hate when people leave and there are huge wet spots from melted snow on my floor!

I have another.... I hate when my friends/family members go outside to smoke and stand right outside the window so all the smoke comes right in.

We have a TON of close family and friends in town so we have the same people over a couple times a week. I mostly just hate how with all those people there who I am so close with and who know DS really well will stand there and watch me try to juggle holding a squirmy baby and cooking them dinner. I don't expect them to babysit, but I also didn't know how hard it was to prepare food for so many people with a baby at home! If each person could just hold him for 5 minutes I would be able to cook and get dinner on the table so much faster!

roadrunner

08-06-2007, 12:40 PM

The shoe thing is very much a regional thing. DH's cousin moved to the US when she got married. They live in Denver I believe. She was, and still is appalled that his family and friends always wear their shoes in her house. When she asked her DH about it, he simply told her that he didn't really know anyone that didn't wear shoes in their houses!

It was quite a culture shock to her, coming from Eastern Canada, where shoes in a house are a huge no-no. The only time you would wear shoes in a house is if the host tells you (begs you) to leave them on because their floors are dirty, and they don't want you to have to walk in their dirt.

The things you learn on CC!!!

Kimberland30

08-06-2007, 12:41 PM

The ONLY problem I have with people, is if we are having a pot luck party and someone shows up without something. Or if it's a BYOB and they don't bring anything to drink but they are fine drinking our beer and liquor. Unfortunately we had a friend who always did this, so we don't invite him over anymore.

Or if someone has a problem with me not giving back their keys after they've been drinking (we take them at the door if we are having a party). Get over it people, I'm not letting you leave. Pick a couch, pick a room, walk home, call a cab, whatever. But you are NOT driving home or getting a ride home with another driver. I've had to hide keys in my linen closet because someone got mad about me not giving them back.

ysolde

08-06-2007, 12:50 PM

People who come into my home and immediately take off thier shoes. My floors are clean, but what is up with that, folks?

People who bring their children over and then complain that my home is not "childproof". Keep your children under control, or leave them at home. Children who run around, pick up my Limoges demitasse cups, chase after my poor cats, pick at my petitpoint pillows, run into my bedroom and pull out everything under the bed, and "play" with the water in the bathroom sink should probably not be going out yet. Or ever. At least not to my house. Call the babysitter before you visit me again, or teach your children to sit quietly while drinking tea and eating the chocolate biscuits I have provided for them.

jen

08-06-2007, 12:53 PM

When we have a get together and someone graciously offers to bring something, but shows up with it not ready to serve, and expects me to do all the prep!

I try really hard to have things streamlined and/or prepped before the party starts so I can spend more time with guests. So when someone says they are bringing watermelon and they show up with a giant whole watermelon and I have to spend 20 minutes carving the thing up, I'm pretty annoyed!

Another time someone brought apple crisp to a bbq and insisted I heat it. Thank you, but I really have no desire to turn on my oven in 90 degree heat!

:rolleyes:

jen

08-06-2007, 12:55 PM

People who come into my home and immediately take off thier shoes. My floors are clean, but what is up with that, folks?

I think they notice that they are clean and want to help you keep them that way! :D I take it as a compliment. I go to a friends house with filthy floors and I always keep my shoes on, even though normally I'm more comfy with them off....

Niobe

08-06-2007, 12:56 PM

People put cigarettes out in my dishes. I've mostly solved this problem by just not allowing smoking indoors anymore, but it has to be one of the most disgusting practices I've ever encountered. I wasn't quiet about this either, I yelled at anyone I caught doing this. I had ashtrays around too, so it would really piss me off. I really never understood how people thought it was perfectly fine to extinguish their cigarette in something I eat or drink out of.

Fenway

08-06-2007, 01:15 PM

-Don't babyproof my house. I have baby proofed it enough for my liking and my child. Maybe you should watch your child and teach them not to touch others belongings.

-TO MY BIL-DO NOT BARADE MY LIQUOR CABINET, PICK THROUGH YOUR CHOICE OF ALCOHOL (which always seems to be the most expensive of the bunch) TAKE THE TOP OFF AND START TO DRINK IT FROM THE BOTTLE. IF YOU DO THIS, I WILL CHARGE YOU. YOU SHOULD BE LUCKY I LET YOU OVER STAY YOUR WELCOME ANYWAY...Grrrr

Ditto and Ditto!!

-Don't come over unless you've called. DH works OOT at least half the month. When he's home I want him all to myself. ;)

-I always tell people not to let the cat out, but it never fails. Someone usually leaves the slider open and he escapes.

-to MIL and FIL. Stop asking if the various things in our home were expensive, and furthermore, don't follow up with a snide "well, must be nice..."
Yes, actually. It is. But it's none of your damn business!

JuliaK

08-06-2007, 01:51 PM

My absolute #1 pet peeve is when someone is looking for something in my cabinets. They will open and close every single draw and cabinet in search of something that they don't need anyway because I made sure to lay out every necessary plate, cup, utensil, paper product, condiment, etc... I'm getting angry just thinking about it. Just ask!!!

Daisy

08-06-2007, 03:14 PM

- When people ignore my no shoe rule (which is very common where I live and in my circle), it's so freaking rude. There is a reason my carpet is so clean and new looking...

- People that give me stuff and then come over and obviously look around for it. My IL's give us lots of crap and while I totally appreciate the thought behind it, that doesn't mean I must display it in my house. My SIL got upset once because we didn't have a photo displayed that she gave us - the photo was of her and DH when they were little and SIL was crying (it's a bad pic(!) and who displays baby pics of themselves in their house anyway?). My IL's gave us a framed 8x10 of DH when he was like 6 (a school portrait) - um, what would make you think we would want that up? Ok, rant over...

- People that leave the toilet seat up.

- People that don't watch their kid (SIL and BIL).

I have many more regarding my IL's...like when they come over and make a negative comment on the food we have made them (like how the meal wasn't well-balanced enough).

ysolde

08-06-2007, 03:34 PM

- When people ignore my no shoe rule (which is very common where I live and in my circle), it's so freaking rude. There is a reason my carpet is so clean and new looking...

.

See, this must be regional, because I just don't want anyone's stinky, smelly feet exposed all over my nice, clean floors. Shiver. My ex-ILs (who live in Canada) would take off their shoes as soon as they came in, and there was just nothing more disgusting to me than the sight and smell of their greying, faded, ill-fitting winter socks on my hardwood floors and antique carpets. I don't even want to think about seeing people's unpedicured, unkempt bare feet on my floors in the warmer months! No, no, NO! Manolo Blahnik. Jimmy Choo. Salvatore Ferragamo. Stuart Weitzman. Bruno Magli. All of these (and many more) great shoe designers have set up shop throughout our fair city. Your feet will look so much better if you avail yourself of them.

CarolinaGirl

08-06-2007, 03:35 PM

When you all are talking about expecting visitors to remove their shoes, are you talking about informal guests or do you even expect guests who are attending a formal gathering at your home to remove their shoes? I usually remove my shoes if I go to a good buddy's house just for an informal visit, but if I am dressed up, my shoes are part of my outfit and it's a little uncomfortable to take them off. I wouldn't mind of course, nor would I question them, but I never ask people to remove their shoes unless they've been walking in mud or something that would track on the floor and be impossible to clean up. I figure since I have a vaccuum and a mop, guests don't have to remove an article of clothing in my home, especially if they are dressed up and their shoes are part of the outfit. Like I said, though, I always respect the homeowners wishes, and if they expected me to remove my shoes, I definitely would.

jajacobsen

08-06-2007, 03:44 PM

I only wish for shoes to be removed for guests there informally and/or staying overnight. So dinner party - or even cookout - all shoes on. But should the dinner party gues stay several days, or when family comes to visit for several days, after the first night I really prefer they leave their shoes downstairs. Obviously not if we are dressing up for something but for the ongaing daily activities.

thsi si especially important in winter and spring which tend to be rainy and muddy. I have a mud room -please leave your shoes there!

I suspect there may be a direct relationship between the shoes off rule and the geographic areas of the country where there is a LOT of new construction and red clay! Honestly, I think the shoes always on people live in cities and have no idea about the amount of dirt the shoes off people are facing on a daily basis. It's BAD.

wendalah

08-06-2007, 04:02 PM

See, this must be regional, because I just don't want anyone's stinky, smelly feet exposed all over my nice, clean floors. Shiver.

Foot sweat. Stinky, slimy foot sweat soaking into the carpet. Invisible athlete's foot spores spreading all over the carpet.

(Shuddering in horror) BLAHHHHHHHHH!

ysolde

08-06-2007, 04:04 PM

Foot sweat. Stinky, slimy foot sweat soaking into the carpet. Invisible athlete's foot spores spreading all over the carpet.

(Shuddering in horror) BLAHHHHHHHHH!

AHHHHHH!!!!! Thinking of all the foot fungi and athlete's foot spores to which my poor cats have been exposed, courtesy of the former ILs . . .

jajacobsen

08-06-2007, 04:06 PM

AHHHHHH!!!!! Thinking of all the foot fungi and athlete's foot spores to which my poor cats have been exposed, courtesy of the former ILs . . .

Don't worry Ysolde. I believe those are NOT zoonostic diseases, meaning your kitty can't catch them from people.

ysolde

08-06-2007, 04:08 PM

Don't worry Ysolde. I believe those are NOT zoonostic diseases, meaning your kitty can't catch them from people.

Ysolde breathing again. :o

wendalah

08-06-2007, 04:14 PM

Ilovemygeek

08-06-2007, 04:15 PM

My biggest pet peeve is when people we are expecting knock before entering. All of our friends and my family just walk in (they never just drop in, they always call first), but ILs do this all the time. They know all it does is make the dogs bark and wake up DD if she be napping. We have repeatedly told them not to knock and given them the reason, so now they knock on the door while opening it as though that is somehow better. :rolleyes:

jajacobsen

08-06-2007, 04:16 PM

I am NOT trying to be obnoxious here - but honestly, for all you peopel who worry about smelly, swaety feet, maybe they would be less so if

YOU TOOK OFF YOUR SHOES MORE!!!!

I live in the south where it is very hot. Most of my frends have no shoes houses. I also have a strong sense of personal cleanliness and get skeeved out. I honestly don't remember foot smell since high school gym.

The guys here wear Tevas or Mandals a LOT in the summer. So their feet don't get all smelly. Thos ewith foot problems leave their socks on. Asuuming peopel change their socks daily, which I think is a reasonable assumption, what is ther ehat is so skeevy abut sock feet?

Sadly, it seems that almost all women (except me and Wendalah) wear flip flops daily, so their feet are all but naked anyway. I wear Sandals or peeptoes a lot in the summer and besides I have regular pedis so no big deal.

No, we would never ask you to take off your Manolo's whenyou arrive at our dinner party. Bu if you have een walking around my yard and have red clay on your shoes which does NOT come out of carpeting (much to my regret) no matter how many times I steam clean it, yes please, do take them off.

ysolde

08-06-2007, 04:17 PM

Actually, I am not really a germphobe. I just get grossed out by people's bare, clammy, stinky feet. I freely admit my own feet can get smelly if I wear closed shoes.

If I have not JUST had a pedi, my feet don't look barefoot ready. And my stocking feet are gross at the end of the day. I would not want them on my own floor (I am a big fan of those little booties that look like ballet slippers after my shower).

eli1126

08-06-2007, 04:18 PM

Foot sweat. Stinky, slimy foot sweat soaking into the carpet. Invisible athlete's foot spores spreading all over the carpet.

(Shuddering in horror) BLAHHHHHHHHH!

What's a little foot fungus between friends? :p

wendalah

08-06-2007, 04:25 PM

Well, the thing with taking your shoes off more--where do you do it? I don't like taking mine off at work, it feels unprofessional. I don't want to take them off in the car, it makes it harder to drive that way. I take them off in my OWN home, but everyone in my own home has to love me no matter what my feet look or smell like.

ysolde

08-06-2007, 04:29 PM

Actually, I am not really a germphobe. I just get grossed out by people's bare, clammy, stinky feet. I freely admit my own feet can get smelly if I wear closed shoes.

And, I don't have the greatest sock collection. I only wear them with boots, so they aren't high on my shopping list and most of mine aren't exactly gorgeous and pristine.

On a daily basis, I wear DKNY the Nudes for work (the workhose of hosiery). Take off the shoes, and the hose tear, not to mention the slip and slide factor. Plus, you can see my feet, which are, as I said, not always barefoot-worthy.

In the winter, the hosiery tends to be a lot of Wolford, which keeps me warm, but, under the boots, can get clammy.

I think, though, that most of us are not often tramping through the mud in the city, so tracking in red clay is less of an issue. In the winter, on those rare occasions when we have to track through the snow, we wipe our boots as soon as we get into a building, wipe them in the elevator, then wipe them outside the apartment. So we are not tracking snow into apartments, generally.

jajacobsen

08-06-2007, 04:32 PM

Well, with us, we only ask "informal" guests to take off shoes. we have two places. Since mostly we (and such guests) enter the house from the garage, there is a small built in bench by the door for such purposes -and an array of DH and my less than desirable shoes. This is where really wet, or muddy shoes would stay. But between the garage and teh stairs into the main floor of the house is a small mud room area. There is another bench and coatrack inthere. That is where most of our guests take off their non yucky shoes and hang up their jacket.

Guests who come over for social events enter through ur front door into our foyer. Depending upon time of year, we might take a coat and hang it in teh hall coat closet. If their shoes are soaked and they want/need to take them off they can leave them in the foyer. Soem do, but I never insist.

No one has to walk barefoot from the car! That would sorta defeat the ppoint!

jajacobsen

08-06-2007, 04:36 PM

Wendalah - I totally misunderstood you. You meant where do you do it to have more shoe free time? Well if you have a no shoes house, you're pretty much barefoot any time you are home. And especially in the summer, even my work footwear is pretty bare. So my feet breathe a lot.

Now I am fortunate that I am no longer in Public accounting so I no longer wear pantyhose daily. For work - maybe 2-3 times a year.

In the winter, I wear cotton socks and slippers a lot at home. So my feet stil breathe.

basically, you're either comfortable with it or you are not.

akacharlotte

08-06-2007, 04:51 PM

When you all are talking about expecting visitors to remove their shoes, are you talking about informal guests or do you even expect guests who are attending a formal gathering at your home to remove their shoes?

Informal. If we were to have a formal party then shoes can stay on just please wipe your feet really well(I have brand new carpet). We don't entertain formally anyway so the people visiting our home are close friends/family.

Nikker

08-06-2007, 04:53 PM

On 2 different occasions I have had 2 different people ash their cigs in candles! :eek: I was so pissed. One of them actually put it out in the candle. And it's Party Lite too :(

TX Sweetheart

08-06-2007, 06:09 PM

Our only house rules are: no smoking inside the house and don't let the dog out unless you want to take him for a walk on a leash... so I'm pretty laid back about this stuff...
As for the shoe thing... we never wear shoes inside, but wouldn't make guests take their shoes off... aside from the bedrooms, our entire house has tile floor so it's super easy to clean.

bamboo

08-06-2007, 09:40 PM

We ask people to take their shoes off in our house, and we never wear shoes inside the house either. It has nothing to do with keeping our home clean (with 4 cats and a toddler I sweep all the time anyway!), it's because I try to reduce all of our exposure to environmental toxics, which collect in dirt and get tracked in to houses that way. We're not super-anal about it, if someone is just stopping by to chat for a minute or drop something off I don't ask them to take shoes off, but if they'll be walking around or staying for a visit/dinner/party, I do. I'd much rather have foot sweat than toxics in my house ;)

jnettie

08-06-2007, 10:27 PM

There is a no-shoe rule in our house as with my MIL and most of DH's family...which is a cultural thing because they're Chinese. However, we all provide cheapy slippers/flip-flops for guests. We pick them up in Chinatown for like $1-$2. This way, we can have a shoe-free home AND guests don't have to feel uncomfortable walking about in their socks/feet.

Otherwise, I don't really have any pet peeves.

trestlegirl

08-06-2007, 10:44 PM

I guess I'm really laid back, or I have freakishly polite guests! Most of this stuff wouldn't bother me, and I have never had a guest attempt to rearrange my dishes or sock drawer or whatever. People like that would probably not be friends for very long!

The shoes off in the house thing reminds me of the SATC episode where Carrie has to take off her Manolos at a party and someone steals them. I know that I will have to take my shoes off when I visit my Japanese friends, but I know to wear socks when I visit, and they usually have clean slippers for their guests anyway. Do those of you who expect people to take their shoes off offer socks or slippers to people? I never wear shoes at home, but I'd be pretty peeved to unexpectedly be forced to walk around barefoot at a friend's house, and I don't particularly want to look at other people's nasty feet while I'm eating!

jnettie

08-06-2007, 11:34 PM

Standrea

08-07-2007, 04:59 AM

The shoe rule goes out the window for big parties. It's too much to manage, and you have to deep clean after a party anyway, so tracking dirty isn't really an issue. But, a couple people over for dinner or just to hang out, shoes off, please!

ITA! And, if someone does come in the house and doesn't take off their shoes, I dont say anything. It's just a pet peeve of mine, because I am constantly cleaning my floors. I have offered up slippers to my guests and when I visit others peoples houses, I usually bring my own slippers. (Guess that makes me weird, huh?)

TerpsFan

08-07-2007, 05:24 AM

For a potluck, when people bring gigantic platters or bowls and expect you to have space in the fridge to put them. Hello, I have a side-by-side...not so much room in there! If I bring something that needs to be refrigerated, I always bring it in the smallest, least intrusive bowl possible. Or bring something that doesn't need to be chilled!

Or, when they come to a potluck and proceed to prep their dish in your kitchen, making a complete mess. We have an open floor plan (kitchen and great room and dining area all in one space) so I am very careful for parties to keep the kitchen clutter and mess-free..especially just when guests are showing up.

My MIL is guilty of both above...drives me insane!

Hello Kitty

08-07-2007, 05:29 AM

I am pretty laid back too - I do realize most guests don't mean any harm, so I try to take things in stride.

I was kind of bothered this weekend when we had SIL over for dinner. I guess she doesn't cook and is not very good at it, and everything out of her mouth about the food was 'you made that from scratch?' I realize she was complimenting me, but I felt really awkward, and I was just kind of like, enjoy the food, dangit! There's no secret that I absolutely love cooking and entertaining, and you shouldn't be shocked that I made dressing. It made me feel like I was presenting these things as 'la-dee-dah I made it from scratch,' but what am I supposed to do, pour out the dressing into an empty dressing bottle?

Kimberland30

08-07-2007, 05:55 AM

The shoe rule goes out the window for big parties.

Unless it's Japanese. I remember when I was younger and having family get togethers/huge parties at my grandma's house (which was 3 houses down from ours). Us kids would go outside to play and there would be hundreds of shoes at both doors. We'd just grab a pair that fit and go on our merry way! Most houses in our neighborhood had outdoor shelves for shoes near the porches, it was a very Asian community.

thedoorchick

08-07-2007, 08:17 AM

I know that I will have to take my shoes off when I visit my Japanese friends, but I know to wear socks when I visit, and they usually have clean slippers for their guests anyway. Do those of you who expect people to take their shoes off offer socks or slippers to people? I never wear shoes at home, but I'd be pretty peeved to unexpectedly be forced to walk around barefoot at a friend's house, and I don't particularly want to look at other people's nasty feet while I'm eating!

This is an excellent point. I just find something very strange about a houseful of people (who don't live there) walking around in bare feet.

I pretty much never wear shoes around my house. But I would be a little taken aback if I was asked to remove them at someone else's home (assuming that it's not a cultural issue in that particular home), especially if I didn't have a heads-up beforehand. Like others have said, my feet aren't always pedicure perfect.

And I live in TX, where the heat index today is expected to be 106, so I know all about hot climates. And I have always lived here, and have never been asked to remove my shoes anywhere I have visited. This does seem to be a regional thing, but I don't think it's a universal Southern thing, or else I would have heard of it before this conversation.

Irish Elf

08-07-2007, 09:36 AM

It isn't a southern thing. I have lived in the south all my life (except for 6 months) and have never been asked to take off my shoes. I would if it was expected but since it's not the norm here I would love a heads up si i can at least make sure my socks don't have holes.

And I don't care how much you remove your shoes - in the heat in the summer in the humidity feet get less than perfect.

Having said that I love to go shoeless so if you come over and want to remove your shoes I won't laugh at your feet regardless of their condition.

anemone

08-07-2007, 10:01 AM

DH and I recently went to dinner at his former Boss' house. They live in a beautiful house, with stone floors throughout the downstairs reception rooms. We were the only ones invited, and it was summer, but even so, I was taken aback when they both answered the door barefoot.

I was completely repulsed by the toenails of DH's former boss. They were large, horn like, and grey with some sort of fungal thing warping them slightly. DH's former boss' wife also was barefoot, and her feet hadn't seen a pedicure in a while. Basically, we were having dinner with people with hobbit feet. Totally repulsive.

Weirdly, they didn't ask us to take off our shoes, or require it (thank goodness), but they were being "casual" all night without theirs. I honestly couldn't eat much seeing the toenails. It felt very unsanitary. Yuck!

pocket

08-07-2007, 10:19 AM

villanelle75

08-07-2007, 10:37 AM

Maybe I have more thoughtful guest than many of you, or I just entertain less, but I don't have a lot of pet peeves either. We are a no smoking house, but I've never had anyone even try to light upside. I do get mildly peeved when people don't at least offer to bring something if we are doing a casual dinner. And when guests bring dogs or kids, I am always a bit nervous because animals and children both never seem to be as good with the rules when they are in new environment, so I appreciate it if the parents keep a close eye on their animals/dogs so I don't stress about where they are and what they might be getting in to.

thedoorchick

08-07-2007, 10:40 AM

I don't really have a lot of rules for my guests. No smoking inside, I guess, and keep control of your dog. That's all I can think of. I don't usually make special food for people - picky eaters are my only real pet peeve. I'll cook a veggie meal if someone keeps kosher or is a vegatarian, but that's about it.
I agree with this. I guess it isn't truly a pet peeve because I don't think it has actually happened to me, but I dislike it when people are invited somewhere and immediately give the host a list of foods they don't want served. The way I was brought up, when you're invited to someone's home, you eat what they serve and you like it - Or at least you pretend to and show appreciation for their having fixed a meal for you.

I visited Albania years ago and stayed with a family there. There was a lot of food that didn't appeal to me. But I would never have said so.

Allergies and the like are, of course, a different story.

smile78

08-07-2007, 10:43 AM

I once had a house guest, who we had only met once before he came to stay (it was the fiance of one of my close friends, so it was a favor) and he didn't bring anything with him. So, he ended up using our toothpaste, soap, DH's deoderant and razor (YUCK, and didn't ask) and he even took a pair of DH's socks out of his dresser and wore them. WTF... you fly across the country and expect to MOVE IN.... so rude!!!

pocket

08-07-2007, 11:26 AM

oh man, I hate it when someone responds to a dinner invitation with a list of things they don't eat. I usually suggest we go out.

wendalah

08-07-2007, 11:52 AM

oh man, I hate it when someone responds to a dinner invitation with a list of things they don't eat. I usually suggest we go out.

People really do this? I mention that I and DH don't eat meat, but that's about it.

pocket

08-07-2007, 11:59 AM

Many many people think it's a courtesy to tell someone all the things they don't eat. I think the intent is good - to spare the host the embarrassment of them not eating dinner.

villanelle75

08-07-2007, 11:59 AM

Considering thee are about 5 meals that I am confident enough to cook for company (excluding the things in my repertoire that come, at least in part, from a box or freezer case), I'd be SOL if I have picky friends! I can see mentioning a major food issue, like vegetarianism or allergies, but beyond that, it seems presumptuous, to say the least. I have a good number of odd food quirks having to do with texture, but I would never respond to a dinner invite with, "Sure, but I don't eat anything spongy, like mushrooms, or slimy, like many cooked veggies tend to be, so please make sure to consider the texture of all the ingredients and how they will feel in my mouth. Thanks." If I show up and don't like it, I eat what I can and thank them for a lovely meal. I go out of my way to make sure I eat enough that it isn't obvious that I'm not loving the dinner they were so kind to make for me.

ysolde

08-07-2007, 12:04 PM

People really do this? I mention that I and DH don't eat meat, but that's about it.

I was a strict vegetarian for years, when I was in my early to mid twenties. I would never tell my hosts, though. I would simply "play" with any animal products on my plate, eat the side dishes and salad, and talk.

colz85

08-07-2007, 12:05 PM

I do get mildly peeved when people don't at least offer to bring something if we are doing a casual dinner

You know, several people have said this, and I have to say, it surprises me! If I'm inviting you over, I'm planning to feed you and supply beverages. And if you offer to bring food, I'll probably say "no, no, no, I just want you to come and have a good time and not worry about anything". I had a cookout for about 12 people this weekend and made all the food myself. People offered, I turned them down, and they actually said "oh. wow. That's really nice of you".

wendalah

08-07-2007, 12:08 PM

villanelle75

08-07-2007, 12:20 PM

For a casual dinner I usually bring a bottle of wine. Always gets put to use and much better than my attempts at cooking :)

ETA: Is it rude to tell people, "Look, I'll be honest--I am a rotten cook. I am happy to bring cheese, wine, or a store-bought dessert...is that OK?"

ETA2: I usually bring veggie dogs or patties to a cookout party just in case the host doesn't have any. Is that rude? Nobody seems to mind, they cook all of them up and other people usually eat them besides us.

I don't think it's rude, though I also don't think it's necessary, if you don't want to, to point out your reasoning. "Can I bring some wine, or a dessert?," would be just fine. If someone offers to bring a dessert and I take them up on it, I certainly won't be upset if it is store bought.

I also wouldn't think it was at all rude to bring your own veggie stuff to a cook out. To a dinner party, I would find it a bit weird.

Kimberland30

08-07-2007, 12:28 PM

ETA: Is it rude to tell people, "Look, I'll be honest--I am a rotten cook. I am happy to bring cheese, wine, or a store-bought dessert...is that OK?"

ETA2: I usually bring veggie dogs or patties to a cookout party just in case the host doesn't have any. Is that rude? Nobody seems to mind, they cook all of them up and other people usually eat them besides us.

1. I don't think it's rude to bring store-bought food. I've done it several times when I just don't have the time (or the energy) to even make a simple dip. I've brought store made cookies, cakes, even pasta/potato salad.

2. I also don't think it's rude to bring your own veggie burger/dogs. My son had a b-day party when he was young, and a boy in the group couldn't have sugar because of a medical condition. I didn't know this, but his mom brought over a piece of sugar-free cake for him to enjoy with the rest of the kids. I would have felt aweful if she hadn't done that. We also have a few vegetarian friends who will bring their own stuff to fire on a grill. We don't have formal dinner parties so it's a non-issue, but I wouldn't be offended if someone brought their own food because of their diets.

jajacobsen

08-07-2007, 12:41 PM

Wendalah - agreed to both what Kimber and villanelle said Definitely not rude on both accounts.

Rude is when people demand that you incorporate their desire for a wheat free/gluten free/fat-free/lactose free/macrobiotic/high protien/vegetarian meal requirements into my dinner party menu. If you get more than one of these requests (say two guests have special requirements), it's darn near impossible to plan anything without cooking several times the amount needed and opening a buffet! These people just need to only eat at home or in a restuarant which caters solely to their needs.

I appreciate it isf guests tell me that they are vegetarian or diabetic, because suitabel choice sand accomodations can be made for them. Further, I make sure to not include nuts in every dish so those with nut allergie scan just avoid whatever dish is affected. With a cookout, special food items brought by teh guests that can be easily thrown on the grill are welcomed!

ysolde

08-07-2007, 12:43 PM

pocket

08-07-2007, 01:23 PM

I think bringing your own stuff might be strange depending on how well you know the people and what sort of party it is. If there's an actual menu it might be a bummer. For example, I was at a great party this weekend with 3 kinds of tacos with homemade tortillas - fish, pulled chicken and roasted wild boar - each one had its own salsa. There was a huge spread with all kinds of salads too, and roasted marinated tofu. While I am sure they would have grilled them up and served them, it would have been a bit weird to pull out a pack of veggie dogs. They planned the menu carefully and wanted to make something special. I think they probably had been cooking all week for this party.

angel17

08-07-2007, 01:36 PM

smile78

08-07-2007, 01:42 PM

villanelle75

08-07-2007, 01:50 PM

I really don't understand some of your posts...why are you annoyed if someone doesn't offer to bring anything? If you are hosting then host! If you are having a potluck that is different otherwise when I'm at your place why should I offer to bring anything? If you are at my house I don't ask (nor do I want) you to bring anything since its my turn :confused:.

When I am being hosted by someone else, I consider it proper manners to ask if I can help out in some way, which would include offering to bring something. If I cook all day and you show up with a green salad, I am certainly still doing the hosting. So as to your question, "if you are at my place, why should you offer to bring something?," my answer, based on my upbringing, would be, "Consideration for the person who has opened her home to you and spent a good amount of effort an money to host you, and just plain ol' manners."

As a semi-aside, it seems most people don't do hostess gifts anymore, but I guess if someone showed up with a hostess gift, it would negate my annoyance that the didn't offer to help with the food.

smile78

08-07-2007, 01:54 PM

PG-rated

08-07-2007, 02:04 PM

I agree, I think it is nice to offer, even if they don't expect it. I usually bring a bottle of wine anyway. I think it is rude to show up empty handed. That is just me though...
Bingo. The etiquette rule is that the guest always offers to bring something, and the host almost always refuses (unless it's a potluck), and then the guest brings a token gift that won't interfere with the meal (bread, wine, chocolates, flowers, etc.). With the rise of potlucks as a major form of entertaining, people have forgotten that you still shouldn't show up empty-handed when a party is being "hosted."

Having said that, I really don't care if people make offers or not, but I generally wouldn't show up to a gathering without bringing something.

wendalah

08-07-2007, 02:15 PM

For example, I was at a great party this weekend with 3 kinds of tacos with homemade tortillas - fish, pulled chicken and roasted wild boar - each one had its own salsa. There was a huge spread with all kinds of salads too, and roasted marinated tofu.

Gawrsh, none of my friends eat that fancy. Just kidding. I was talking about like a weenies and hamburger cookout with potato salad. My friends who actually are gourmet cooks--I can count on them to have a vegetarian option.

angel17

08-07-2007, 02:17 PM

Well, we are asking people to post their pet peeves... they don't have to be ours... Just a thought?

Like I said - I'm trying to understand WHY. If you don't have anything to add keep it moving.....

angel17

08-07-2007, 02:24 PM

When I am being hosted by someone else, I consider it proper manners to ask if I can help out in some way, which would include offering to bring something. If I cook all day and you show up with a green salad, I am certainly still doing the hosting. So as to your question, "if you are at my place, why should you offer to bring something?," my answer, based on my upbringing, would be, "Consideration for the person who has opened her home to you and spent a good amount of effort an money to host you, and just plain ol' manners."

As a semi-aside, it seems most people don't do hostess gifts anymore, but I guess if someone showed up with a hostess gift, it would negate my annoyance that the didn't offer to help with the food.

I'm really just trying to understand - why do you think its polite to just go through the motions of asking for something if you have no intention of accepting? I do bring hostess gifts on the rare occasions that its a true hosted event. However I personally am annoyed with this trend of never really being asked to others houses without bringing something. Every event doesn't have to be potluck. And it seems people get really offended when I don't want them to bring anything. Or when I don't want them to help in the kitchen (its my party - I'll clean up after you go home). If I have to work for your event I could just stay home cook and clean up after myself.

Consideration to me is accepting my hospitality and then at another turn returning the favor.

I'm not trying to argue with you all that feel this way - more than one person posted similar sentiments - I just don't get it and I'm trying to better understand where you are coming from with this....

PG-rated

08-07-2007, 02:34 PM

I'm really just trying to understand - why do you think its polite to just go through the motions of asking for something if you have no intention of accepting?
For the same reason we go through any number of other niceties - it's polite. It shows that you (the guest) appreciate the effort your host is going to and would be happy to mitigate that in some way, even symbolically.

I do bring hostess gifts on the rare occasions that its a true hosted event. However I personally am annoyed with this trend of never really being asked to others houses without bringing something. Every event doesn't have to be potluck. And it seems people get really offended when I don't want them to bring anything. Or when I don't want them to help in the kitchen (its my party - I'll clean up after you go home).
Like I said, people have forgotten how a "normal" party works, so they either think they MUST bring a genuine contribution, or they think, "Great! It's not potluck, so I'm off the hook!"

villanelle75

08-07-2007, 02:37 PM

I'm really just trying to understand - why do you think its polite to just go through the motions of asking for something if you have no intention of accepting? I do bring hostess gifts on the rare occasions that its a true hosted event. However I personally am annoyed with this trend of never really being asked to others houses without bringing something. Every event doesn't have to be potluck. And it seems people get really offended when I don't want them to bring anything. Or when I don't want them to help in the kitchen (its my party - I'll clean up after you go home). If I have to work for your event I could just stay home cook and clean up after myself.

Consideration to me is accepting my hospitality and then at another turn returning the favor.

I'm not trying to argue with you all that feel this way - more than one person posted similar sentiments - I just don't get it and I'm trying to better understand where you are coming from with this....

When did I say I was just going through the motions and that I have no intention of accepting. I will sometimes accept, though if I've already shopped, for example, I might decline.

You said you will bring something if it is truly a hosted event. What do you consider a hosted event, if not me inviting you over for dinner?

And I am certainly not offended if I offer to bring something and the hostess declines. Though in that case, I will probably bring flowers or a candle or some other token gift.

Also, having someone bring bread or a green salad is a far cry from a potluck. With a potluck, the burden is shared equally be all who are attending. If I have a BBQ with 18 people and purchase and prepare ribs, burgers (regular and veggie) and buns, condiments, a pasta salad, a potato salad, dips, disposable plates, napkins, silverware, etc., and you show up with a couple 2 liter bottles of soda, (because you asked and I accepted) that's hardly a potluck.

I can't imagine feeling okay with having a friend of mine go through all that effort on my behalf, and not being willing to do some small gesture of assistance. That's called restaurant service, and even then, I pay the bill.

smile78

08-07-2007, 03:39 PM

Like I said - I'm trying to understand WHY. If you don't have anything to add keep it moving.....

I thought I did add something... I think it is the polite thing to do.

wendalah

08-07-2007, 03:51 PM

I'm really just trying to understand - why do you think its polite to just go through the motions of asking for something if you have no intention of accepting?

Well, if someone asks you "How are you?" what do you say? You don't launch into a long description of how exactly you are. You say fine, thank you.

Why do people bother to ask how you are doing if they don't really want to know? Because it's societally polite. Same thing with offering to bring something to a party.

smile78

08-07-2007, 04:22 PM

Well, if someone asks you "How are you?" what do you say? You don't launch into a long description of how exactly you are. You say fine, thank you.

Why do people bother to ask how you are doing if they don't really want to know? Because it's societally polite. Same thing with offering to bring something to a party.

That is a really good analogy!! :) I think you are right on target!

thyme

08-07-2007, 04:27 PM

I think in my circles it's a polite shorthand for "It's very nice of you to go to the trouble of cooking for us, and we appreciate it." And when the host says "Oh, thank you, but we are all set, it's so nice of you to offer though," that's "You're welcome." As wendalah said, it's like "How are you doing?" -- not always literal.

lee60657

08-08-2007, 11:37 AM

Interesting thread!

As a hostess, if someone asks to bring something, how I respond depends on what type of event it is. If its a casual bbq, I ususally say sure, but only if you want to - I don't want them to feel obligated to bring something. If it is a more formal meal I usually decline the offer b/c for something like that I have a meal all planned out from apps to dessert. When I am a guest, I always ask if there is something I can bring. If they accept, I may ask what theme of the meal is or if there is something particular they would like me to bring (a drink, dessert, etc.) I always bring something fully prepared so I don't have to take over their kitchen or get in their way. If they decline, I always come with a bottle of wine. Not for that night, but for them to enjoy another time.

jajacobsen

08-08-2007, 12:03 PM

My preference is very similar to what Lee60657 described. For a BBQ or casual get together, if people offer to bring something or ask what they can bring that's great. I cringe a little when they expect to be able to prepare it at my house (I think I'm the first one who posted thsi beef) because it doing so is often really intrusive (and I am not talkign about merely cutting a watermelon; I have had people launch into elaborat eprep duing a 50 person BBQ - golly!).

But for a dinner party or smal meal, when I usually have a menu in mind, I would prefer that they NOT bring an item. If they offer; I wil decline. When they insist or bring items anyway; I get annoyed. In this circumstance, they SHOULD have brought a hostess gift instead. I think PG rated got it right - people have just moved away from the practice of hostess gifts - they don't want to show up empty handed - so they bring something anyway.

Next weekend DH and I have been invited over to lunch at a freind's house. I believe it wil just be the two of us and their family. I asked if I coudl bring something; she declined. I will take a hostess gift - probably luxury chocolates since I know she enjoys those. Somethign she can enjoy later.

Irish Elf

08-08-2007, 01:13 PM

If they decline, I always come with a bottle of wine. Not for that night, but for them to enjoy another time.

Good point. There's nothing worse than a guest insisting you open their wine right then. Since I usually already have a bottle open (heck, more like 2 open) sone of the bottles goes to waste. I do have friends that I know will bring wine so I don't open anything until they are there.

Likewise I have a friend who will bring a cool looking bottle bought for the name or design - we know to have an extra bottle just in case.

But we also have friends that have brought over wine and insist we just try it right then!!! Like I said one of the wines will go to waste.

I guess I could just start drinking more to avoid the waste...;)

Disclaimer - obviously if it's a big get together we will open as many as necessary but I'm refering to small get togethers.

angel17

08-08-2007, 07:12 PM

When did I say I was just going through the motions and that I have no intention of accepting. I will sometimes accept, though if I've already shopped, for example, I might decline.

You said you will bring something if it is truly a hosted event. What do you consider a hosted event, if not me inviting you over for dinner?

And I am certainly not offended if I offer to bring something and the hostess declines. Though in that case, I will probably bring flowers or a candle or some other token gift.

Also, having someone bring bread or a green salad is a far cry from a potluck. With a potluck, the burden is shared equally be all who are attending. If I have a BBQ with 18 people and purchase and prepare ribs, burgers (regular and veggie) and buns, condiments, a pasta salad, a potato salad, dips, disposable plates, napkins, silverware, etc., and you show up with a couple 2 liter bottles of soda, (because you asked and I accepted) that's hardly a potluck.

I can't imagine feeling okay with having a friend of mine go through all that effort on my behalf, and not being willing to do some small gesture of assistance. That's called restaurant service, and even then, I pay the bill.

I didn't say YOU said anything in particular for my entire post. I was reacting to the similar views held by many of the posters yesterday.

Lee60657 & jajacobsen said what I was thinking better - especially this...

<<But for a dinner party or small meal, when I usually have a menu in mind, I would prefer that they NOT bring an item. If they offer; I will decline. When they insist or bring items anyway; I get annoyed. In this circumstance, they SHOULD have brought a hostess gift instead. I think PG rated got it right - people have just moved away from the practice of hostess gifts - they don't want to show up empty handed - so they bring something anyway.>>

If you are hosting dinner then I plan to bring a hostess gift-not dessert or drinks that I expect you to serve. If I'm hosting I will not ask you to bring anything so you can choose to bring a hostess gift or nothing at all.

I was just really astounded at the number of people who are upset if a guest doesn't ask to bring anything. I was not raised to offer to bring something when invited to dinner (outside of bringing a gift)-my grandmother would roll in her grave. Its not about treating someone like a restaurant but again the expectation was the courtesy your friends extend to you that evening would be returned if appropriate at another time when you were host and invited them to your home. People have different expectations I guess.

villanelle75

08-08-2007, 07:47 PM

It seemed like you were directing that comment at me since you quoted my post, which was why I responded.

And though I didn't acknowledge it in my original post, which I believe just mentioned being frustrated when people don't offer to bring anything, I do agree that a token hostess gift of some kind is certaintly just as good as an offer to help with the meal. I didn't initally think of that since very few people I know actually do hostess gifts anymore, but I did clarify that in a later post.

So I'm not sure we are as far apart as we initally seemed to be on this. Since you are in the hostess gift camp, I wouldn't fuss a bit if you showed up for a dinner party.

TracieB

08-08-2007, 10:27 PM

My hubby and I host casual BBQs with some close friends at least twice a month. My peeve is that we are always the only ones who host. We have NEVER been to either of the other couples' homes and it drives me batty. I don't know if they realize how expensive meat is, or how much preparation it takes to have a BBQ. And it ticks me off when someone will ask, "So when's the next cookout at your place?" Um, I don't know, maybe you should have it at yours for a change!! I don't think they realize how much it costs us to have a get together, and when we are the only ones hosting them, it adds up quickly!!! Next time one of them asks when the next one is, I might have to say something cheeky, like, "Oh, we'll have the next one after hubby gets paid so we can actually afford it!" Maybe then they'll get the point?

I love our friends, but sometimes it feels like we're being taken advantage of, and that sucks. :(

eta: On the subject of bringing things... yes, our guests will usually bring chips and dip or something, and for that I grateful, but sour cream dip and Ruffles a meal does not make. I wish they'd bring something more substantial... maybe next time I'll be specific in what I want them to bring.

kalogrias

08-08-2007, 10:32 PM

TracieB -- DH and I have the very same problem. We used to have these elaborate dinner parties which would then usually end up being wine parties, and we were seriously the only ones who woudl throw them. Finally enough was enough, and we told friends that we would start meeting them at restaurants for dinner. I miss the parties, but it's so much cheaper, and no clean-up. People were sort of surprised by our declaration, but so be it!

KK812

08-09-2007, 01:26 AM

TracieB maybe next time someone asks you can say, "We'd love to have you guys over, but we're going to be tight on cash for the foreseeable future. If you and [other couple] wanna split the cost of food with us, we can BBQ this Saturday." Tacky by Emily Post's standards? Maybe, I don't know. Perhaps your friends are just dense and will have a "Doh" moment if you're blunt about it.

jajacobsen

08-09-2007, 04:15 AM

It is awkward when you have to ask people to share in the costs of an event, but it is far more wrong of them to never reciprocate.

DH and I host cookouts and parties quite a lot - at least 2-3 BIG events per year plus several smaller ones. This summer has been financially tighter for us as we have been completing several large hoem projects. honestly didn't feel like we had the funds or energy to do something.

A close friend enquired if we would be having our annual summer BBQ. I paused, and tehn honestly said, I just don't know if I have teh "umph" to do a big event, either energy or budget-wise. But I would be glad to put something together if people could bring some of the food and drink. It was stil a lot of work - almost more so coordinating everything than if I had just one it all myself, but at least it was financially cheaper. The good friend helped comunicate that this time it was "BYOB and soemthign for the grill" so it didn't feel awkard. And I think it helped communicate that we could NOT always do the hosting 100%, which people may have assumed we wanted to do so. Said friend has suggested hosting the next big event - in teh fall - at her house. I will be happy to help her in any way I can.

OTOH, DH has a friend - a former neighbor and guy pall from their bachelor days - who married about the same time we did. I like teh wife and DH really wanted to keep the friendship going, even after we moved to another part of town. We fell into the habit of having tehm over for margaritas (DH makes excellent ones), and nibbles. Never once have they offered to bring anything, or provide a bottle of tequila to restock the bar. Nor have they reciprocated. This has literally been dozens of times. We have also invited them to large and small parties. I'm really quite over it.

Irish Elf

08-09-2007, 10:37 AM

Dh and I are bad about reciprocal hosting. DH hates having people over tothe house until it's "finished", meaning the back patio isn't finished being rebricked. I laugh b/c it's too hot to sit out back and our friends shouldn't care as long as the inside is done and air conditioned. :rolleyes: However we always pay when we go to dinner so that it evens out.

I did tell him that with DD it would be much easier to have people over here than go there so we will be having a fall get together. And the patio be done or be damned.

jajacobsen

08-09-2007, 10:55 AM

Honestly, I am okay about DHs friends coming over to our place since we sorta have amore conducive hosue for it. But just once, they could show up with tequila and the snacks.

lauren f s

08-09-2007, 10:59 AM

jajacobsen, one of my good friends is hosting a bbq this weekend and it's BYOB/M - we each bring drinks and whatever meat or veggie we want cooked on the grill.

imagirliegirl

08-09-2007, 11:11 AM

I only have 3 rules in my house and I get really pissed when people disregard them.

1. Be careful when coming in and out of the doors. My cats WILL run out. It never ceases to amaze me that you can tell people that 20 times and they still don't shut doors behind them.

2. Don't try to pick my cats up. The only person they let hold them is ME. They are shy around new people so they don't need some stranger trying to chase them down to pick them up. I've had more than one person try to rush after a cat to pick them up. I'm talking about adults here, not even kids. :rolleyes:

3. Take your shoes off. I don't need dirty shoes on my carpet. Also, I had a friend come over in high heels and damage our floor.

villanelle75

08-09-2007, 11:14 AM

We went through a phase where we had a small group (4-8ppl) over nearly every weekend for dinner and drinking afterwords. No one else seemed to be in to entertaining, which was fine. But it would have gotten very old if they hadn't offered to bring a salad or bread or drinks.

Later on, we got in the habit of going over to a friend's home very Sunday for dinner and to watch the Sopranos. We couldn't reciprocate because we don't have HBO, but we were sure to offer to bring something, and we even offered several times to take care of the main dish portion of the meal, though in that case I didn't come with a prepared dish, though I made sure in to ask in advance if it was okay if I made soup at his place, since it wouldn't' travel well otherwise, and since I was making dinner for him, he was more than fine with that. I can't fathom just showing up at someone's home repeatedly, and not offering to help out in some way.

MidwesternGal

08-09-2007, 08:49 PM

I have a new one that I don't think has been mentioned:

When guests invite someone to come WITH them, without asking you. . . knowing you cannot STAND that extra person!!!!!!!!!!!

There is no way to get out of it without sounding like a complete arse, especially when it's immediate family involved.

(Situation just happened tonight!! ILs semi-invited themselves to our shower in 2 weeks while they are camping 30 miles away, and then informed DH that DH's uncle (who is a drunken butthead and YELLED at me at our wedding and tried to punch an usher) will be coming with them!!! WITHOUT asking us!!! And since he's camping with them, there is no way to decline or go to a restaurant, since ILs are using our shower!!! And MIL knows I can't stand to be in the same room as this guy. NOT cool.)

Delta

08-09-2007, 10:15 PM

Am I the only person who doesn't have any friends or family who smoke? Blech. There is no smoking allowed within 100 feet of my home anyway. ;)

We are a no shoe house pretty much, but I'm not anal about it with quick visitors or workmen (that are in our home a lot.) We have a crawling baby so all the germs brought in from outside - pesticides, fecal matter, etc - skeeve me out much more than toe fungus.

I don't have too many pet peeves - I love having visitors so things that they do or don't do really don't bother me too much.

whos that girl

03-03-2008, 04:54 PM

I hate people who invite themselves over. Even if they are a good house guest, you need to BE invited!

dana b

03-03-2008, 08:29 PM

showing up early -- i did an elaborate xmas get together for dh's family this past year and they showed up almost 2 hrs early :eek: i had to run and get dressed as they were getting out of their cars. i was a bad hostess and didn't even say hello to them -- they'll never do that again ;)

using the show towels. they're not even near the sink, but the nice fresh hand towel is, use it! (this would be dh's family again)

gardenmommy

03-04-2008, 08:53 AM

My biggest pet peeve is not RSVPing...I'm not talking about a casual get together planned over the phone, but If I bother to make invitations, mail them out and ask you to RSVP on the card, then call me and tell me whether or not you're coming please!!

I also hate the arriving too early or too late thing (I'd say more than 30 minutes early or late) At least call and tell me you're gonna be late..stuff happens, I get it!

My hubby and I host casual BBQs with some close friends at least twice a month. My peeve is that we are always the only ones who host. We have NEVER been to either of the other couples' homes and it drives me batty.

I love our friends, but sometimes it feels like we're being taken advantage of, and that sucks. :(

OMG, this was so us! I got sick of it so this December we were hanging out with friends and I asked them if they wanted to do a monthly get together and we would rotate who's house it is at. They all said yes, so I went home and picked a saturday each month and picked who's house it would be at...worked like a charm! Now we just show up and enjoy!