Pet peeves when others visit your house...

[Txfish]

Sorry I was gone for so long, but I appreciate the responses to the pet issue.

I would like to mention something about the "just don't come over" piece -- I'd like to avoid making any demands at all and just always have everyone at our house. With friends that's fine usually. But when we've arranged to have family Christmas at someone's house it's not like I can decide to just not go. I understand your points about not locking them away, but if I'm forced to be at your house it's not fair to me either.

Yes, and not everyone can just take a pill. They don't work for everyone, and I was told I couldn't take it when I was pregnant so I was miserable through an entire holiday weekend one year.

I think I'd like to visit AlisonCO's house ;) She sounds like my kind of pet people.

[gardenmommy]

I would do whatever I could to accommodate a guest in my home.

I agree. We have cats whom I adore but I also acknowledge that they are cats...not people. And given how sensitive some people are about animals in general I would hate to have a guest in my house feel uncomfortable because our cats were about. I don't think a few hours outside will kill them.

[GlamaGal]

I wanted to clarify that when I mentioned "take a pill" I was talking solely about DH's business partner, for whom pills do work. I thought maybe that was clear by my reference to his wife agreeing that he should have done so.

[fuzzy]

I would do whatever I could to accommodate a guest in my home.

Eh, see, I don't. I do what I can reasonably do to make a guest comfortable, but at the end of the day, I have a house full of pets. So my house is a little dirtier than a non-pet household. It just is. If I spent hours cleaning and disinfecting and scrubbing and whatnot before an allergic/pet-unfriendly person came by, I'd be miserable. I vacuum. I dust. I wash my floors. Then I let me guest know that we have four cats and a dog and let them decide if they'd like to come over.

[kari]

I will lock my dogs out of the dining room when we have guests over because they are big beggars. I will also put them outside in the backyard when we have parties and I know some people don't want them around, but that means that we DO NOT entertain during the winter, because they don't go in the backyard during the winter. When my dad visits or my MIL, they are subjected to all animalness, except they always keep their bedroom door closed.

[hub1176]

I agree. We have cats whom I adore but I also acknowledge that they are cats...not people.

Bolding mine

AMEN!!!!

I've said it before - it seems like the art of being a good host/hostess has gone out of fashion. I can understand being peeved when guests insist on throwing your fine china in the dishwasher, even after you told them not to. But I can't understand why you would invite someone with allergies - a medical condition -to your home, and then be pissy when they can't breathe because of your animal.

[TracieB]

I agree. We have cats whom I adore but I also acknowledge that they are cats...not people. And given how sensitive some people are about animals in general I would hate to have a guest in my house feel uncomfortable because our cats were about. I don't think a few hours outside will kill them.

Bolding mine.

Actually, yes, having your cats outside a few hours could kill them (especially if they are typically indoor cats). They could be hit by a car, attacked by another animal, or some other tragic event. If you are concerned about guests in your home being allergic to your cats, by all means, put them in another room, but please don't shun them to the outdoors, especially if they can't be supervised.

[brenda]

Wow, hostile group. And over such unimportant (to me) issues. We have a dog - she sniffs newcomers, hangs around if they pet her/encourage her, but otherwise goes to sleep on her rug while company is over. Most people wear their shoes in my house. It isn't a big deal to me and I'm amazed it's such a big deal to so many others. It's rarely so filthy that it drives me to my knees to clean.

Before casting aspersions on shoe lovers or shoe haters, or people who will/won't de-pet their homes for allergic or frightened guests let's remember that this is a message board with a pretty diverse population - city dwellers, country folks, people from nasty climates, people from mild climates, barefoot hippies, shoe fashionistas, pet-lovers, and the animal-averse. Just because a person prefers that guests keep their shoes on/off or will/won't rearrange their manner of caring for companion animals doesn't mean he or she is a good/bad host. It just makes him or her a person with preferences and priorities.

The Pets Issue
I could put our dog outside (fenced yard) or in another room. But then we would have to hear her bark and ram the door for the duration of the visit. We did it once for a child whose mother uses our dog as a threat. It was highly unpleasant AND negatively impacted the dog's behavior for several days. Serena is a rescue dog with issues. She panics in closed rooms and barks incessantly while charging the door. She does the same thing if locked outside.

Aside from a Serena freakout, I really don't have the ability to scour my house to remove the allergens. And if I did clean that much, I would be a miserable hostess. I would be sore, stressed and resentful. It would take a full day to do it, and I'd need to find childcare while I cleaned. The environment in my home and the reality of my life precludes my graciously hosting a guest who is severly allergic to dogs.

I wouldn't get "pissy" if a guest started wheezing due to their allergy to my dog. I would be concerned. But there's not much I could do about it at that point and my guest would have to leave. So, I prefer to meet allergic friends elsewhere and avoid the issue altogether.

Shoes, Cleanliness, Floors and Hospitality
I grew up in an area where entering the house from November - March generally meant tracking in snow, slush and salt. March - May was mud season. June - August wasn't mud season, but there was still plenty of it, along with horse dung. There were few, if any sidewalks, and those that existed were not cleared the way they are in large cities. We didn't have lobbies, elevators/stairways, and hallways to traverse before reaching a living area. Damned skippy the shoes stayed in the mud room almost all the time, year round.

To me, getting your knickers in a twist because someone prefer you not drag the outside into their home and across their floors is a little silly. It doesn't really matter if they have a what you would consider a good reason for their no shoes rule, it is the way they live in their home. Most people seem to belive that parties are a regular exception to the no shoes rule. So, the whole issue about ruining your outfit by leaving your shoes at the door doesn't fly with me. Although, where I grew up most people brought nice shoes to wear at parties so there was still a pile of slushy boots near the door.

The reality is that stillettos can damage floors. Many of us have seen it. It is true that centuries-old buildings have floors with a beautiful patina from use. It is also true that those floors belong to buildings that were built extremely well using the finest available materials. Most of us do not live in homes like these. And quite honestly, if that isn't how I want my floors to look, that's my decision to make.

Again - the cleaning issue is a big one. I have a bad back. I cannot wash or vacuum my floors whenever the spirit moves me or whenever they start to look a little grungy. Well, I can, but then I have to be in serious pain for a few days. A lovely woman does my floors for me every 2 weeks. To expect anyone to be happy or even willing to clean up after people who track in filth is asking a bit too much, in my opinion. And having to wait up to 2 weeks because someone tracked in mud is also asking too much. Yeah - Motrin and hot packs become my very good friends when that happens.

[kiddo]

Wow, hostile group. And over such unimportant (to me) issues. We have a dog - she sniffs newcomers, hangs around if they pet her/encourage her, but otherwise goes to sleep on her rug while company is over. Most people wear their shoes in my house. It isn't a big deal to me and I'm amazed it's such a big deal to so many others. It's rarely so filthy that it drives me to my knees to clean.


Again - the cleaning issue is a big one. I have a bad back. I cannot wash or vacuum my floors whenever the spirit moves me or whenever they start to look a little grungy. Well, I can, but then I have to be in serious pain for a few days. A lovely woman does my floors for me every 2 weeks. To expect anyone to be happy or even willing to clean up after people who track in filth is asking a bit too much, in my opinion. And having to wait up to 2 weeks because someone tracked in mud is also asking too much. Yeah - Motrin and hot packs become my very good friends when that happens.

So is it a big deal for people to where shoes in your house, or isn't it?:confused:

[hub1176]

I'm talking about situations where you (general you not anyone in particular) have invited someone to your home. And in IMHO inviting people to your home and then essentially leaving them to fend for themselves, especially over something they can't control (allergies) is being a poor host.
I believe the OP had an issue where her IL's insisted on hosting holiday dinners and other family GTG's knowing that their DIL had severe pet allergies. That's just rude as there is essentially no way she can get out of attending these functions without seeming bitchy.

[thedoorchick]

I can totally understand why in a place where there is a lot of mud, the shoe issue is a different situation. I really wasn't even thinking of that. Our climate is on the warm side; occasionally in January we get a little ice or snow, but it's rare, as is rain. I would not wear muddy shoes into someone's home, certainly not.

My POV was really based on the fact that, barring ice, snow or rain, shoes just aren't dirty on a normal basis. Not dirty enough to ruin carpet or floors. It honestly never occurred to me to worry about someone tracking dirt into our house, because unless it's raining or snowing, there just isn't dirt to be found. The little street dust that might be on someone's shoes is what gets removed by the doormat.

As for dogs, we generally put ours outside or in a bedroom at the beginning, but sometime during the evening they will probably make an appearance. I can understand allergies, though I don't think we've really had guests with allergy issues at any time. I'm allergic to cats, and when I visit homes with a cat, I know I just have to deal. I try not to touch them, but I won't insist that they be shut away somewhere.

It does bother me a little if someone says they just don't like dogs, because no one would dream of saying that about children. I realize that dogs are not people, but in our house, they are members of the family, and it's bothersome that it's acceptable to say you don't like dogs/cats but not to say you don't like kids. Especially when kids tend to run around and destroy stuff, while my dogs might sniff you a little and then go lie down and you'll probably forget they're even in the room.

[SpelKen]

Wow, hostile group. And over such unimportant (to me) issues.
Just because a person prefers that guests keep their shoes on/off or will/won't rearrange their manner of caring for companion animals doesn't mean he or she is a good/bad host. It just makes him or her a person with preferences and priorities.

I've followed along but have to say I so agree with this.

[Sin Nombre]

I guess part of my confusion about the whole shoe thing is that I personally don’t consider shoes to be outerwear, at least not in the sense coats, hats, & gloves are. To me, shoes are part of an outfit, just like a dress, pants, or shirt. And not simply for visual purposes.

My POV was really based on the fact that, barring ice, snow or rain, shoes just aren't dirty on a normal basis. Not dirty enough to ruin carpet or floors. It honestly never occurred to me to worry about someone tracking dirt into our house, because unless it's raining or snowing, there just isn't dirt to be found. The little street dust that might be on someone's shoes is what gets removed by the doormat.

I'm with thedoorchick; I just can’t imagine walking around (even outdoors) with the filth, mud, poop or garbage dragging from my shoes that some are afraid will find its way to their floors. If all that dirt was clinging to my shoes, of course I would clean them or change them long before I would ever dream of entering someone’s home. However, where I live, simply walking down the street is not going to put my shoes in that condition. In areas where it would, I could certainly see why no shoes would be the way to go, but that’s not the case in my area. I think that's why people here might be surprised at being expected to remove their shoes.

[Kimberland30]

ITA with everything Sin Nombre posted.

[brenda]

So is it a big deal for people to where shoes in your house, or isn't it?:confused:

Nope. Most people wear their shoes in my house. I don't find it a major issue. My standards for cleanliness aren't so high that normal suburban shoes are unwelcome. A lot of people have much higher standards. I see dust, they see filth. I was trying to point out that the shoes issue can be a big deal for these people for any host of reasons that aren't obvious. Like - they cringe at dirt, they know they won't be able to clean it or it is a major hassle to clean. I apologize for being unclear.

[Daisy]

I've enjoyed following the shoe discussion - there was a recent article in Shape magazine regarding indoor air pollutents being tied to wearing shoes indoors. Of course, I'm having trouble finding the stupid article, but I did find this
article (http://www.bellaonline.com/ArticlesP/art29826.asp) that talks about the same EPA study called the "Door Mat Study."

[rileyandfredsmom]

It does bother me a little if someone says they just don't like dogs, because no one would dream of saying that about children.

Actually, I have said that I don't like children and my friends with children know I don't like them so we either meet at a restaurant sans children or they come over to my house sans children.

If you have a right to say you don't like my animals, I have a right to tell you I don't like your children. Now, if I could just get them to lock the children up in a room until they are old enough to greet me and then go away and entertain themselves, well, then they would be just like my dogs and life would be grand!! ;)

[ysolde]

Actually, I have said that I don't like children and my friends with children know I don't like them so we either meet at a restaurant sans children or they come over to my house sans children.

If you have a right to say you don't like my animals, I have a right to tell you I don't like your children. Now, if I could just get them to lock the children up in a room until they are old enough to greet me and then go away and entertain themselves, well, then they would be just like my dogs and life would be grand!! ;)

ROFLMBO!!!!!

[brenda]

Now, if I could just get them to lock the children up in a room until they are old enough to greet me and then go away and entertain themselves, well, then they would be just like my dogs and life would be grand!! ;)

Hee. I HAVE a kid and want another. So, I like them, but... I *really* identify with this sentiment. How some people can flip out about my dog sniffing them before wandering away to nap when their children scream, run around and/or jump on my furniture throughout the visit. *sigh*

[shopaholic]

Eh, see, I don't. I do what I can reasonably do to make a guest comfortable, but at the end of the day, I have a house full of pets. So my house is a little dirtier than a non-pet household. It just is. If I spent hours cleaning and disinfecting and scrubbing and whatnot before an allergic/pet-unfriendly person came by, I'd be miserable. I vacuum. I dust. I wash my floors. Then I let me guest know that we have four cats and a dog and let them decide if they'd like to come over.

I agree with you. I would never think to put my animal outside just to make a guest comfortable.

[salysaturn]

As for shoes...

When I visit, if shoes are in a pile by the door, and everyone is in socks, I ask, unless I am over a lot, then I take them off at the door.

As for when people visit, it bothers me if they have been trampling in the mud, or if its raining, snowing etc, but then again, most of the house is hardwoodm so I can wipe it right up. So it isn't a huge concern.

[kendriln]

If you have a right to say you don't like my animals, I have a right to tell you I don't like your children. Now, if I could just get them to lock the children up in a room until they are old enough to greet me and then go away and entertain themselves, well, then they would be just like my dogs and life would be grand!! ;)

OMG.... this may be the funniest thing I have heard all week long! :D

[Ellita]

Some people - including me - are truly scared of dogs. Fear of dogs - or fears in general - should be taken seriously and not be mocked or belittled.
I'm really grateful if people respect my weaknesses, in this case my fear of dogs.

[mar5195]

Ugh I hate when people engage my dog. HATE it! She doesn't warm up to people very quickly. She's not one to jump on someone's lap and make you her new BFF. She doesn't care about anyone but me and DH.

We will be sitting in the LR having a conversation and people actually stop mid conversation to call my dog over. She never goes to them but they still do it every time.

I know it's cause she's cute but homegirl is anti-social. Leave her alone!

[Adaya]

mar5195, that would work for me b/c I'm afraid of most dogs like ellita. So you would have no trouble out of me engaging your dog. ;) When I visit friends with dogs, I always take the approach, you mind your biz and I'll mind mine. LOL! Never works b/c most of their dogs are super social and really friendly. Oh well...

[kari]

Some people - including me - are truly scared of dogs. Fear of dogs - or fears in general - should be taken seriously and not be mocked or belittled.
I'm really grateful if people respect my weaknesses, in this case my fear of dogs.

Completely valid point.

[brenda]

Some people - including me - are truly scared of dogs. Fear of dogs - or fears in general - should be taken seriously and not be mocked or belittled.
I'm really grateful if people respect my weaknesses, in this case my fear of dogs.

I agree that fears should be respected, but that may mean meeting up at my house isn't feasible. I am always more than willing to travel to see someone with allergies/fears, etc. If I know someone is afraid of dogs, I make sure to keep Serena engaged until she's ready to go nap (usually on a rug in to the hallway or upstairs in our bedroom). I also give anyone who looks nervous a spray bottle filled with water because the dog avoids anyone with the spray bottle. I won't lock her in a room/outside and listen to her panic for the duration.

[mar5195]

Adaya- You would love my dog. Once you walked in the door and sat down she wouldn't give you a second thought.

I really like that about her because I really dislike when I visit people and there dog jump all over me (more especially when they don't tell the dogs to stop).