6 year old dawdle-er...what to do

[ktnkids]

Ok ladies my 6 year old is the biggest dawdle-er I know. She hasa chore of putting dishes from the dishwasher away (she can reach everything and whatever she can't reach she knows to leave out and I'll help w/) and it takes her forever(30mins) even when we're in a hurry. she says stuff like "mom, I just can't do it fast". it's not just doing dishes either: she doesn't like to listen the first time either. She drives me nuts when she does this stuff and I've tried taking away playdates but her response was pretty much "I don't care". Today I told her no tv for 3 days for all her dawdling. I need some help here!! anyone???? Please!?!? :confused:

[BooeyJ2]

Maybe she's afraid of breaking dishes if she does them too fast. She's only 6, you can't really expect too much out of a 6 year old. My nephew is 8 and my niece is 5, their "chores" consist of feeding the turtle, cleaning their rooms, feeding the dogs, etc. I can't really imagine asking them to put away dishes. Maybe 6 is too young to be putting away dishes. Are there other chores you can give her?

Look back when you were 6, were you putting away dishes? If so, were you thrilled about doing it? Probably not.

All kids "dilly dally" when asked to do stuff. I'm sure we all did when we were little. She's 6....let her be 6 :)

[BTB]

It's just "dawdler", with one e. :)

It all sounds pretty normal to me - of course I know you've just given us a small piece of the picture - but I do wonder like Booey whether loading and unloading the dishwasher might be out of her reach a little (no pun intended). I'm all for kids having chores, though! Is there something else she could do instead?

Personally I wouldn't give external punishments for being slow, some kids just take more time to do things than others and if it's not just her nature, it's likely just a phase. If she can't change it, punishing her for it won't help. Do you think she's doing it intentionally, to be manipulative? Kids of all ages love getting a rise out of their parents, if it's a way for her to get your attention - even if it's bad attention! - you can bet she'll keep it up. I'd not enforce artificial consequences (no tv, no playdates, etc) and just not protect her from natural consequences. For example: if it's a rule that chores have to be done before she can go outside and play, and also a rule that she has to come in at x hour from outside, her being slow gives her that much less time to be outside.

As long as she's developmentally ok, and not doing it to be manipulative and watch mommy's face get all red, I'll bet she really can't help it. When she got the chore to empty the dishwasher, how did that happen? Had she watched you do it a couple times first? She could just be unsure what to do, or she could just be lollygagging through life right now, distracted by her own little daydreams, with her imagination taking over that the forks are little princesses marching off to their silverware drawer castles. Not a bad way to be, at 6. She might also just crave some slow downtime. How is her schoolday paced? Are weeknights packed with activities? "Kids these days" have a lot more expected of them than we did - at least than I did, I know that for sure. :)

[ktnkids]

she's been doing utensils since she was 4. the plates and cups are plastic. There's a couple of glass cereal bowls but that's about it for breakable. she's supposed to clean her room but she dawdles doing that too. (it takes an hour of constant telling her 'clean up those clothes, put away those books...etc"). she has a gunea pig taht's she's supposed to feed but I'm constantly telling her to feed her (and keep the water in the bottle). I know I was doing chores like doing dishes and setting the table when I was her age. We all helped. Seems like I can't get thru to her :mad:

[BTB]

In that case, I'd quit reminding her for an hour - just sets up the pattern that she'll always need (and always get) reminding. Instead, why not have a set reward (rewards are more effective at generating behavior modification than punishment) for completing tasks, and a timeframe? For example, every night she remembers to feed her guinea pig before bed, she gets a popsicle or some raisins (some parents don't like food rewards, so maybe 15 extra minutes of play-outside time or one extra bedtime story, something like that). But she has to remember completely on her own or no reward, absolutely no exceptions. If she doesn't do it, of course you'll have to for the poor guinea pig's sake :) but by that time, her chance to get the reward is gone.

It's really the same as a punishment (you could look at it as 15 minutes less outside time, or one less bedtime book, if she forgets) but frames it more positively.

[Lizard]

Our good friend's daughter is 5 and they're going through the same thing. It's especially bad for them during meals... she could easily sit at the table for 2 hours to eat dinner. When she's at school they get a very short time for lunch and then recess afterwards... he's told us that she misses recess nearly every day and comes home with 3/4 of her lunch, because it takes her so long to eat. :( When pressured she doesn't get mad or anything, she just keeps dawdling. I'm sure it's a phase they're going through, but I can sympathize with you, on behalf of them... you're not the only one dealing with it. :)

[IrishMeg]

Uuuuggghhh. I feel your pain. FH has two daughters ages 6 and 8. The 6 year old is just as you've described. Everything takes forever. She could sit at the table for hours. An hour in the shower. If we said nothing, it would take her an hour to get dressed. At times, it borders on absolutely ridiculous.

We started using a timer for certain things. Now that she knows her numbers and is learning to tell time, she seems to enjoy this. They know they are given a certain amount of minutes to do certain things and they adhere to it pretty well. 3 minutes for teeth brushing. 10 minutes in the shower. 10 minutes to brush her hair. 15 minutes to pick out her clothes and get dressed.

Now they keep track of each other's time and let the other know how long they have. When they are with us the house is filled with "Miranda, you have 2 more minutes!" "Serena, you only have 30 seconds left!" It was like they just needed something a little more concrete than "Go get dressed." If we said that, they'd disappear for a half an hour and come out half way dressed.

We don't set the timer for everything, of course. No timer for eating, potty time, sleeping etc. Just for things that need to get done in a timely manner. Or we use it for something they might try to rush through, like brushing their teeth. At their ages, they think it is fun to beat the clock or count along with it.

[adoredh]

Sorry, I'm not a parent yet, but I just thought I'd chime in as a former dawdler.

I did dishes when I was 5 years old, when I was doing them with my mom, it went by fast, one, because I was getting one on one time with my mom, and two, because she made it fun. We used to sing. I'd stand on the chair and dry the dishes while she washed them, and we'd sing together.

Once I started to have to do the dishes by myself (around 7 years old) it took me forever to do them. It took me forever to eat, forever to clean my room, and I really think it was because I hated doing those things by myself.

I think it's great for children to have chores around 5 years of age, but I think that they should have those chores involved with mom or dad. IMPO, it's too young of an age to get upset at if they take a long time doing things. Plus, time is a waaay different concept for a child, then it is for you. I remember thinking that I'd only spent a little bit of time cleanning my room, and my mom would yell at me for taking 3 hours to clean it, and I wasn't even half way done yet.

I just don't think it helps to motivate a child to get irratated with them for taking a long time, they might not know they are taking a long time, in their minds, that's just how long it takes to put the dishes away, period. For them (and me at that age) there really wasn't a way to go faster, in my mind, the way I did things was as fast as I could go.

I don't have any advise to help "speed" up your dawdler, because I think my mom did the right thing, by letting me go at my own pace. (and it gave her an hour or two of child free time at the end of the night) It took me a long time to realize that I could do things faster and be done with my chores, but I got there. Now I can clean my whole house in 3 hours! LOL!

[Kanga]

I think maybe the 5-7 year age group is especially bad at dawdling. I remember my parents constantly telling me to hurry up, to go faster, etc. Although I did my chores fast (probably too fast ;) ) It would take me forever to tie my shoes, get my coat, etc. Eventually I grew out of it (don't remember when), but FWIW I am a really bad procrastinator. Maybe the two go hand in hand? Although I tend to get tasks done at a reasonable time, I still wait until the absolute last minute to do things. Honestly, I have no idea why, but it bugs the bejeebies out of me even though it's my own fault. Well enough rambling for now. HTH

[Woobie]

I have a six (almost 7 :( ) year old son who's been that way since he was about 3 or 4. I think it's totally normal. I'm not out to lecture or anything but I think punishing might be the less wise choice to make here, it's a kid thing, she's not necessarily doing something *wrong*. Is it aggrivating? Sure, could she probobly go faster? Probobly.
As it was already stated....
"IMPO, it's too young of an age to get upset at if they take a long time doing things. Plus, time is a waaay different concept for a child, then it is for you."
I couldn't agree more. Chances are she doesn't realize WHY it needs to be done faster (but really does it NEED to be...as long as it's getting done?)
I had a huge problem w/ DS this year w/ kindergarten...I had to fight (not literally) every morning to get him out the door on time. I'd tell him that we're late, brush your teeth and go fast so we can go. Didn't change his speed hardly at all. But there's no way that I'd EVER dream of punishing him for just being a typical kid. Kids tend to think in the present and don't think about consequences to their actions or lack there of.
I don't really have any advice, other than to be patient and just let her learn and maybe stop punishing her or taking away privilidges for not getting the dishes done fast enough. She's not really don't anything WRONG that would need punishing persay...and if you punish her for doing *her best* then you're likely going to give her a complex or insecurities about how well she can actuall accomplish stuff. ..just a thought.

[ktnkids]

the 'punishing' was really more for the talking back and attitude that I got when I told her to finish up.
IrishMeg I tried the timer idea and now she wants to put the timer on for everything :rolleyes: we called DH the other day @ work and asked when he'd be home and she set the timer "so I'll know when Daddy should be home" :D it was really quite cute.
I've thought about what you've all said and I think that post was after a 12 hour shift at work and I was just not in the greatest of moods and in no mood for dawdling (not an excuse just explaining). So we went to Target the other day and got a ladybug timer (she got to pick it out) and I bought some books for her and told her for every day that she feeds the guinea pig and makes her bed w/o us telling her she gets a sticker on the calendar. If she does the dishes when they need doing before the timer goes off in 15 min she gets a sticker. If she helps out w/ other chores around the house she can earn extra stickers. After a set amt of stickers on the calendar she gets to pick out a book. (she loves books).
Thanks for helping me keep a better outlook on things!!

[Renrel]

I haven't been there yet, though I think I was probably a dawdler as well. I agree that time is a different concept for kid and understand how annoying that is for adult. One suggestion I have is to try putting some up beat music on while she is doing a chore. The faster beat might subconscously speed up her actions and it might also prevent her from going off into a daydream while working on the chore if she is paying attention to a fast liric while working. This is an off the cuff idea, not one I have experience with.

eta I remember my rabbi mentioning once that when his girls were young and took forever to get up and dressed in the morning he started blasting the song Tequilla and it worked great. When he stopped doing it they actually requested it.

[adoredh]

Renel

Daydreams - big part of my "dawdling" I still have a problem with daydreaming!!! LOL!

[pride&prejudice]

Sorry, I'm not a parent yet, but I just thought I'd chime in as a former dawdler.
......

I don't have any advise to help "speed" up your dawdler, because I think my mom did the right thing, by letting me go at my own pace. (and it gave her an hour or two of child free time at the end of the night) It took me a long time to realize that I could do things faster and be done with my chores, but I got there. Now I can clean my whole house in 3 hours! LOL!

ITA. I don't have children yet, but my mom did the same thing. I did chores with her when I was about 5, and then when I got older, I did them on my own. The biggest one was cleaning the bathroom every Saturday. I hated it (and still do!), but after dwadling for so long, I eventually realized that the sooner I got my chores done, the quicker I could go out to play. Now the bathroom is the quickest thing for me to clean. ;)