Gift for Destination Wedding

[Asha]

We will most likely be attending a destination wedding for a friend. It will cost a decent amount of money when you think of plane tickets, hotel accomodations, rental car, etc. its not that we couldn't afford to give our standard wedding gift of money, but we will already have spent more on the travel than we would for a wedding gift. i am just wondering what people have normally done for gifts for a couple who is having a destination wedding. i am already planning that whatever we do decide to give them we will mail to their house rather than bringing it to the wedding.

[numberlady]

Maybe you could just pick something off of their registry that would cost less than the standard amount of money you usually give.

[boilermaker]

I've never done anything different in regards to gifts for a desitination wedding. I think that one of the things that is considered for that type of wedding is that because your guests will incur travel expenses, you expect many of them not to be able to attend. So if I can afford to attend, I still give just as nice of a gift as I would have if the wedding had been at home.

[pixielou]

we have a wedding in a couple weeks - though it isn't a destination wedding, it still involves dh and i traveling and spending 2 nights in a hotel.

this couple happens to be registered at bed bath and beyond - so i went there and i used a bunch of their 20% off coupons. if we weren't traveling, we would have spent $200-250 on this couple. but since we were traveling, i picked out $200 worth of gifts, used the coupons, so only spent $160. also - if you whine and complain at bb&b - "it's a registry. it's a wedding gift. it's rude to bring gifts directly to the wedding" - they will ship the gifts at no charge (saved me $14.95).

eta - if we weren't traveling - i probably would have picked out closer to $300 worth of gifts so that with my 20% discount, i would have ended up with a total closer to $250.

we have a destination wedding in september down on south padre island in texas. which we plan on turning into a week long beach vacation with our dd. i'm not sure what i plan on doing for gifts for that wedding - since we are turning it into vacation, not sure if i take travel costs into consideration when determining my gift budget. plus - this couple actually lives in scotland - so they won't be having the standard gift registries.

~pixie

[j*east]

We had a west coast wedding for which most of our guests came from the east coast. Generally, most people seemed to give us standard gifts. A few seemed to give smaller gifts or, in the case of a very few struggling guests, a nice card. I understood why some gifts were smaller and had no hard feelings, but of course I appreciated the larger gifts. :) Do what you think is best.

[bookworm]

I give the same gift I would for a local wedding.

[KrissyCat7]

We had a destination wedding and I think most of our guests gave us their "standard" wedding gift. However, that being said, we have travelled for weddings in the past and if we incur a lot of expense we generally that into account when deciding how much to give.

[skyblu]

We're having a destination wedding and wanted to do no gifts, because it's at a pretty expensive resort and it would cost people a good amount of money to come.

The response we got from our guests to this idea was not good. People said, "We're also going there on vacation" and "We're going to give a gift no matter what so you might as well tell us what you want", etc. So we did a registry, but no items over $150.

I imagine what might happen is that guests who don't come to the wedding might give us the more expensive gifts, and those who do come will either send a less expensive gift or none at all, which I am totally okay with. To me, their presence and the trouble they are going to is gift enough.

Having said that, whenever we've gone to destination weddings as guests, we send pretty much the same gift we would have sent anyway.

Oh, and definitely send the gift to them ahead of time rather than bringing it to the wedding!

[Asha]

wow, i am surprised that people give the standard wedding gift.

skyblu, i am also a bit surprised that your guests said that to you bc i don't know if i would consider going to a destination wedding a vacation. its a vacation in the sense that you are going off to a more exotic locale. i guess, dh and i see our vacations as very personal and like to choose exactly where we are goiing on a vacation and like to spend that time for just the two of us.

whether or not we give the standard wedding gift won't determine if we can afford to go to this wedding or not, so maybe i will give our standard gift of cash but a bit on the lower end of the spectrum of what we usually give.

[tlew12778]

Give what you can afford. If you can afford the standard gift, give the standard gift. If you are stretching things to attend, give something thoughtful (even a card).

For mine, my family all gave standard gifts. For my friends, for whom it was more difficult financially for them to attend, they gave cards. Both were equally appreciated.

The only person I was miffed at was the one person who did not even give a card.

[ejs]

skyblu, i am also a bit surprised that your guests said that to you bc i don't know if i would consider going to a destination wedding a vacation. its a vacation in the sense that you are going off to a more exotic locale. i guess, dh and i see our vacations as very personal and like to choose exactly where we are goiing on a vacation and like to spend that time for just the two of us.

I don't quite understand all of this. Do you think that people who travel to a destination wedding and then stay for vacation all hang out together? Why do you think it wouldn't be time for just the two of you?

As far as gifts, give what you feel comfortable giving. Or as tlew said, give a heartfelt card. I'm sure the bride and groom will be thrilled that you spent the time and money to attend and won't be expecting much more than that.

[bjean]

What if you picked something up from the destination where the wedding is taking place? That way you could send it to the couple following the wedding and could be a reminder to them of their special day. Maybe a piece of art or pottery or something? It wouldn't necessarily have to be that expensive...

[Asha]

I don't quite understand all of this. Do you think that people who travel to a destination wedding and then stay for vacation all hang out together? Why do you think it wouldn't be time for just the two of you?
not all people stay for a vacation afterwards, though. i am not really complaining about going to the wedding as i have declined dest. weddings when they would have been too much of a burden. i am just trying to say they aren't exactly vacations, imo. same as i don't consider visiting family who lives far away a vacation.

bjean - that is a good idea!

[ejs]

not all people stay for a vacation afterwards, though. i am not really complaining about going to the wedding as i have declined dest. weddings when they would have been too much of a burden. i am just trying to say they aren't exactly vacations, imo. same as i don't consider visiting family who lives far away a vacation.
Maybe we have different definitions of a destination wedding because I don't know anyone who hasn't made a vacation out of it. (Cue responses from those people who haven't made vacations out of it.)

If I have to travel to a wedding, I don't necessarily considering it a destination wedding.

Anyway, back to the topic. I love bjean's idea!

[Asha]

Maybe we have different definitions of a destination wedding because I don't know anyone who hasn't made a vacation out of it. (Cue responses from those people who haven't made vacations out of it.)
i consider a destination wedding, a wedding where the couple has a wedding in a location in which neither the couple nor the couple's families live. in tlew's case, i wouldn't consider that a destination wedding as both she and her dh live in italy. according to my def. the couple is considering have a dest. wedding in a locale that would make it possible for a weekend trip. considering that you spend two days traveling that would leave just one day for the wedding. i suppose some people will make a longer trip out of it, but not everyone has their vacation time from work at the time a couple arranges their wedding. also, this situation is a bit different from most people here on cc who have had dest. weddings as they plan on getting married in the next four months.

[pixielou]

when i read skyblu's reply - i got the impression that these guests in question are going to stay at the destination beyond the wedding time. thus combining the wedding with vacation.

we are headed to a destination wedding on south padre island in texas in a couple months (neither the bride nor groom live there). if we were only staying for the wedding, i would consider it "attending an out of town wedding". but we are turning it into a vacation by staying a week. besides the actual wedding festivities, i don't plan on hanging out with any of the other guests at all while we are there.

i was married overseas - in my dh's home country. for guests to attend - it was 40+ hours of travel (one way), $2,000+ in airfare, $500+ in hotel fares, minimum of 10 days away from home. i ended up having ~20 family and friends attend - mainly because it was a great opportunity for them to visit this country. everybody stuck with the wedding party the whole time. i *think* everyone considered it a vacation and were absolutely thrilled to be able to attend.

~pixie

[tlew12778]

in tlew's case, i wouldn't consider that a destination wedding as both she and her dh live in italy. according to my def. the couple is considering have a dest. wedding in a locale that would make it possible for a weekend trip. considering that you spend two days traveling that would leave just one day for the wedding. i suppose some people will make a longer trip out of it, but not everyone has their vacation time from work at the time a couple arranges their wedding. also, this situation is a bit different from most people here on cc who have had dest. weddings as they plan on getting married in the next four months.

But my family is scattered all over the US, mainly the Northeast though. So for them it was.

For me, and I think for the OP's purposes, it doesn't really matter so much where the couple live so much as the fact that the guests need to travel to go to the wedding. Whether it's close enough to go for just the weekend or far enough that you must go for a week, the guests are still covering extra costs not associated with a local wedding. So in light of that, the question is -- considering that the guests are spending more to travel, should the gift be the same amount as that for a local wedding or less?

[tenofcups]

I'll be attending a bar mitzvah out of town in a couple of months and intend to give a little less than I normally have been giving for those who are in a comparable relationship (the child of a cousin). The bar mitzvah is actually in their home town, but they've moved away from all family so it's a "destination" event in that everyone will have to travel to the site and stay at least one night.

I'll be flying down and most likely spending two nights in a hotel. I'm not going to lessen the gift to what I would perceive as "insulting," but right now at least, I'm planning to give about $50 less than what I've given to others. It's not really a question of what I can afford -- the $50 doesn't really make a difference -- and of course, I'll be spending far more than $50 over the weekend.

If I were really close to this child or to his parents, I might give my standard gift anyway.