View Full Version : Moving to be a SAHM
07-27-2005, 11:20 AM
I have been back at work for a month and I am having a really hard time with it. I really want to stay at home with my DS. I am currently living in Southern California and I can't afford to stay home. If we move to another state we have determined that I can be a SAHM.
The problem is that I am very close with my family and they all live in the same city as I do now. I feel like my DS will be missing out by not seeing his grandparents, aunts/uncles and cousins on a regular basis.
Has anyone moved away from their family to be a SAHM? If so, how did it work out for you?
07-27-2005, 11:24 AM
Can't be a SAHM mom because of $$, so I feel your pain.
However my family live so far away from me and I feel that void acutely now that I have a child. I used to be the wildchild who moved as far away as I can from my family. Now I wish that we could see each other more than once a year and that my DD will get to know her gramma and grampa.
Since becoming a mom, I realize that there is never an easy answer for anything.
It's difficult to be away from your DC, especially when they are a newborn/infant. I think I cried every day for a few months. However, DD is 16 months now and LOVES montessori/daycare. She spends her day in a learning environment and plays with other kids. Ya never know, all children are different, but your DS may begin to enjoy daycare when he gets older.
I'm still working, but I flex my hours so that I have every Friday off. It's not perfect, but it's the best compromise for now. I'm hoping that I can work part-time when we decide to TTC #2.
Our family lives near us. DD is in daycare 2 days a week and with family the other 2. In my case, I wouldn't move b/c I think she is so blessed to have so much love/support around her.
07-27-2005, 12:06 PM
We are planning on moving for this very reason. It breaks my heart to think about raising my child far from my own family, but at the same time I can't rationalize killing myself working to barely make ends meet while seeing my baby only at night and on weekends.
I grew up surrounded by a large extended family, and I really want that for my own kids. As a kid I especially loved spending time at my grandparents' house, and I would hate for my child to miss out on that. But my mom was a SAHM and that was something I felt really lucky to have too.
The other thing to consider is that even if we stay here and I do work, the cost of daycare will take up at least half my pay. After factoring in gas and other work-related expenses, I probably won't even be bringing home enough to justify working. But there's no way we can live on just BF's salary in the Boston area.
We won't be able to move until the spring, so I will probably end up working for a couple of months after the baby's born, so we'll see how that goes. I don't know what the right solution is. I am secretly hoping that when my family visits us in our new home that they will fall in love with it and want to move there too!
07-27-2005, 12:13 PM
It really is so hard to leave your baby in the care of someone else. Big hugs to you. Almost every WOHM I know has been there, and cried the same tears.
Just some food for thought from a fellow WOHM, I can tell you that I feel much differently now that DD is well into toddlerhood than I did in those early months. Now, even if I had the choice to SAH (which I suppose I have always had a choice, in my case) I still would choose to have her in some sort of daycare/preschool setting, even if only part time. She really is thriving in that environment, and I'm not sure she would be any better off developmentally if she were at home with me.
I guess my point is that I might try to wait before making a decision to relocate, because you may feel much differently about the daycare situation once your child is older and can demonstrate to you just how much fun they are having. Seeing your child get all excited about being with their "friends" puts a different light on things.
07-27-2005, 03:32 PM
DH is currently looking at jobs that would take us away from our families so that I can SAH fulltime. Neither of us feel that my working is in the best interests of our immediate family, so it really has been an easy decision to make.
07-27-2005, 05:18 PM
We moved from CA to MT when DS was 1 one week old. We moved out of CA so I could be a SAHM. We moved away from all of our family and friends. Was it worth it? Yep, it turned out so well. If you have any questions, let me know. I gave up a really awesome job in CA when I moved but it was totally worth it. I don't have any regrets.
07-27-2005, 05:24 PM
We left CA in part so that I could SAH (also to be able to buy a home) and left all of our families behind. It has been very difficult being away from them with our first child! And I do think there are a lot of benefits from daycare/preschool that I wish DD had. We do a playgroup, and I am signing her up for a co-op preschool in the fall, but I have found that since she NEVER spends any time without me she is very dependent and has strong separation anxiety (actually we BOTH have it!). She is also less verbal and less assertive than other kids, especially those who go to daycare.
07-27-2005, 06:04 PM
I am one of those moms whose pay does NOT justify going to work. I am lucky to have my mom watch my son, or there would be no point in me going to work. All of my pay would go to care for my son. With number 2 on the way, however, I am seriously pining to be a SAHM. We are seriously considering moving out of state here in the not too distant future. Being away from friends and family is going to be really hard, but it costs SOOOOOOO much to live here, I hate it.
07-27-2005, 06:50 PM
I am not a mom yet, but we moved away from family to live somewhere less expensive and without any snow. Making the decision to move wasn't bad but actually going through with it was difficult. We've been here almost 2 years now and we are so much happier. On the positive side, my relatives heard that we liked it here so much and they were considering moving, so they ended up buying houses nearby. We see them often and I know I can trust them with my future children. I will probably use daycare anyway, since I would like to go back to work, but its nice to have an option if DH and I want to go out on a date.
Who knows, maybe your family will end up liking where you move to and they will move as well.
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