We didn't connect

[tenofcups]

I admit this is kind of weird, but I'm just curious if other people have experienced something like this. Dh and I want a kitten, actually we want two. I've only had one cat, who died two years ago at 18 years old, after DH and I had lived together for a year. I didn't want another kitten immediately, but we both agree it's time for one.

So a few days ago, a friend of DH's called -- her vet sister had dropped off an "extra" kitten at her house that she couldn't keep (she now has three cats, in addition to this kitten) and did we want her? If we did, her sister could bring another one from the same litter in another week so we could have the two that we wanted.

We went over tonight to meet the kitten -- and I felt like she and I just didn't connect. But I felt so weird telling her that I didn't feel I'd "connected" with the kitten!

The kitten was cute and I'm sure she's sweet, but I didn't feel like she was the right one. I thought maybe it was just that I'm used to my own sweet cat, who'd been with me for all those years, but there was another kitten there -- that the woman is keeping --who I totally bonded with, so it's not just that.

I was originally given my other cat, and we hadn't met at all before I took her home, so I don't really have any experience looking for an animal to take home. I guess it's normal to connect with some and not others, right? Or am I just weird? :rolleyes:

[Rose]

I don't think you're weird. I think with baby animals when bring them home we connect over time or sometimes we meet an animal and there is an instant connection.

You could either keep looking or you could meet with cat a couple more times and see if you like her. Of course that might be worse if there really is no connection. They'll think you're really weird. :D

Good luck finding a new kitten!

[j*east]

I've experienced that with dogs (I'm allergic to cats, so we don't connect at all). We visited a shelter several times over the course of a year before getting our dog. We saw lots of cute dogs in that year, but none that we had to have until we met the one we took home.

FWIW, we thought all the dogs were cute. The test we used was, "If we're still thinking about this dog in a few days, we'll know that's the one." So...give it a few days maybe?

[Natasha]

We went through the same thing! We met several dogs before we found our baby. I agree to give it a few days, and if you aren't excited about her, she's not for you.

[kam]

A lack of connection in the beginning doesn't mean the connection won't happen. I only felt a connection with 2 of my 5 animals in the very beginning, honestly. Since then I honestly can't imagine life without each and every one of them!

[imagirliegirl]

I don't think it's weird at all and I don't think you should take a pet home that you don't feel right about.

[AttyGrl74]

The only pet that I've ever personally chosen actually chose me - my Chetty Big Dog. He was in this big goofy puppy-pile snoozing away at the Puppy Rescue. We 'test drove' a few of his littermates, when we put them down - they went back to the pile. Chet just sat there waiting for us to take him home.

It was an instant connection.

But I don't think that you HAVE to have an instant connection (especially with a kitten) in order to have a great pet relationship.

[fuzzy]

I had an instant connection with one of my seven. :o But now that I've had them all, I also can't imagine life without them.

*ahem* That said, I'm desperately trying to place a really friendly young (I'm guessing 6 months-ish) cat that has moved in under my porch. Any interest? ;)

[JamBray]

I don't think it's weird at all. I felt absolutely no connection with one of our cats when we first rescued her, and actually thought about giving her away. Now, however, I love her to pieces and I can't imagine life without her. :)

[KrissyCat7]

I don't think it's weird at all and I don't think you should take a pet home that you don't feel right about. ITA!

[jh124]

Our Primary Dog stole our hearts when we were looking for an Auxilliary Dog (we had another Primary Dog at the time.) We knew she was right for us and we interviewed quite a few. One #1 dog passed, we were on the lookout for a new Auxilliary Dog. We fostered dogs through a rescue. We were afraid that we would get attached to any dog that came through the door, but it didn't work that way. Some we liked but didn't love, some we all breathed a huge sigh of relief when they left. Big Collie Monster was the right dog for Primary Dog. She loved him from the moment he pranced into the room. There was no warm up time required for the two of them, they immediately began napping together. I was clearly mom to him and I'm still his person. DH has yet to warm up to the dog (2 years later.) But he tolerates Big Collie Monster, and BCM loves our child.

Having said that, since you want two kittens, you would probably be best served by getting littermates. Cats can be weird and you don't want to get one, then bring another one in later. Some cats love the new cat, others are peeved and will take it out by leaving gifts in your shoes.

[kemorr]

I don't know - personally I don't connect with anything (animal, people) until I get to know them a little. I adopted my cat when she was 6 months old and at the time I didn't even think she was that cute. Now, I couldn't imagine life without her, she is wonderful and looking back at the photos, I think she is the cutest thing ever. It took me a good 8 months to connect with my dog, actually I disliked her for the first 7 or so, but now love her to bits. You only know yourself - do you usually feel an instant connection with things or are you more of a take time to warm up person? Personally I'm not sure how you can connect with something you barely know, but that's just me!

[eli1126]

I would love to say I connected to both my cats right away, but they were too busy hiding in our sofa for the first week :p Although, now I can't imagine life without my babies.

[Asha]

i fell in love with my cat right away despite her being very fearful of me for a full week.

we've had her since nov, and my dh is just now connecting with her.

[diam124]

I felt a pretty strong connection to our cat right away despite not really thinking we would keep her. She was so sick and therefore very sweet and cuddly and not wild at all (that came later after she felt better!). I'll never forget taking her to the vet and holding her in my arms while DH drove. She was so grateful to have eaten and to be warm (it was Feb. when we found her) that she just fell asleep in my arms. I would say we connected right away. :)

[sublime311]

I dunno - cats tend to be so much more aloof than most pets - even more so when they're shy or young. Super young kittens don't have much of a personality. While we were just dating, DH adopted two sibling kittens and one was outgoing and curious(Gomez), the other was shy and cautious (Howard). DH LOVES Gomez, but he never really has connected with Howard. Howard could care less. He get's plenty of affection and love from me and Gomez! Like a previous poster mentioned, I would also choose to keep the siblings together, if possible.

My problem is that I connect with EVERY animal I come across! I can hear a dog barking at PetSmart and I just know he's talking to me! I always end up in tears when I make my way to him even though I know I can't take him (I already have 2 dogs and 3 cats!) I still think about a dog named Harrison I met in just this way about 10 years ago - talk about a connection!

[sdianems]

I did not really connect with my dog for quite a while; she was an adoption for my dad who was devastated when his last dog passed away (they had been best bud's after he retired). Tasha was a puppy when she came home with us and I was just way too busy to get to know her on any sort of level (and I was resentful of the fact that a puppy, not an older dog, had come home with us).
I would say it was not until she was 3 or 4 before I really warmed up to her (by that time my dad was in a nursing home and she was my responsibility) and like other posters, I can't even imagine my life (or my house) without her!

[MLA]

I connected w/my cat, Tucker, immediately. My mother's cat had a litter of kittens, and when I went to her house to see them, Tucker came walking down the hall, and it was love at first sight. I KNEW he was my cat. I took him home as soon as he was weaned.

My other cat, Seymour . . . well, I definitely didn't connect w/him immediately. My BFF found him and his brothers in her ceiling at work -- they were starving. Apparently something happened to their mom or the hole she'd used to get in was closed up, and the kittens hadn't eaten in a very long time. She knew I wanted another cat, so when she called and told me about them, I was very excited. She described them to me over the phone, and I asked for the kitten that was the whitest of them all (they were all gray and white). So she put him aside and found homes for the others. When I first went to see the kittens, I just didn't click with Seymour. I liked his brothers better, actually. But they were all spoken for, and Seymour needed a home, and I'd made a commitment to him. So he came home w/me. And it took a while for us to really connect. In fact, it wasn't until a couple years ago that he and I became really close (he was abou 3 or 4 by then). He'd always been close to DH and didn't care much for me, but when DH moved to NC ahead of me and Seymour was stuck w/me, he warmed up, and now he pesters me for cuddles all the time, and I love him dearly!

[maxandmolly]

It was love at first sight with Max. He was curled up with another kitten in teh pet bed, snoozing. All I saw was his little face, and I went......Oh. I had been looking for a volunteer to take me into the room with another kitten, and she was standing in front of the room Max wasin, and that was it. (It was the shelter in SF, they had rooms, not cages, furniture, toys, cat videos.......you felt guilty taking them home, not leaving them.)
Molly, meanwhile, was an acquired taste. As a kitten she was a scrawny, constantly yowling brat who drove me nuts. I left her with my mom for 6 months when I moved cross country, and debated leaving her there, she was such a PITA. But I brought her to CA the first time I flew home. And now I can't imagine not having her. They had to stay with my parents for a few months this winter, and I about went nuts without them both.

[Peppy]

Like so many others here, I didn't connect with my cat when we first met. But now I can't imagine my life without her. I have, however, connected with other animals in the past more readily, I know I am capable of connecting immediately. But in the end, it hasn't made in a difference in the amount I love them down the road.

If you really aren't sure and it is important to you to feel a n immediate connection, there are certainly many kittens out there who need homes. Another idea would be to foster a couple of kittens for a rescue group. If you decide you adore them, they will probably allow you to adopt (of course, they might get applications in for those kittens before you commit and then you would be out of luck).

[tenofcups]

Thanks everyone for the stories and opinions! We decided not to take the original kitten I wrote about. I don't fear for her safety or welfare since I know the woman who has her now will either end up keeping her or find a good place for her.

Two days later, DH and I went to the humane society and found two kittens that we brought home a few days ago. They are SO cute--and we felt that immediate connection that I spoke of. I chose a black and white one--the one that meowed at me every time I went by and kept trying to put her paws out to me :) and he chose a gray one, who I also like very much.

They're actually not from the same litter. The gray one had been there with a brother who had been put on hold just minutes before we got there. So DH didn't want to leave her "alone." The black and white one was from a litter of 5 in the cage right next to the gray one and we couldn't take all 5!

But they've been getting along great. We have them cloistered in one very large room right now till they get used to everything and most times when we come upon them, they're curled up with each other sleeping or playing with each other.

I think we made the right choice in not taking the original one and waiting till we found others who seemed to be more suited to us.

[jesvet]

I think we made the right choice in not taking the original one and waiting till we found others who seemed to be more suited to us.

I'm so glad you found the right match for your family! I think it's REALLY hard to walk away from an animal who needs a home, when you're not quite sure it is the right match for you- and I applaud you for really taking the time to make the right choice.

[sdianems]

Yay! Great news, tenofcups; now you have to come back with plenty of cute kitten photos for everyone to oooh and aaahhh over!

[EJH]

Not weird at all! Better not to rush into it than to take home someone that just doesn't feel right!

ETA -- Shoulda read farther, yay, you found YOUR kitties!