Years between babies...more instead of few?

[quest]

Okay, right off the bat I don't have a lot of years to play with. I was a thirtysomething bride and a thirtysomething first-time mommy, so biology has the upperhand, unfortunately (is biology a man? j/k).

My DD is my heart. I cherish her. And just about the second she was born, I started hearing the question: So when are you going to give DD a brother/sister?

Getting beyond the fact of how personal that question is, I initially just shrugged it off. But now, almost all of my family/friends/acquaintances with children DD's age-ish (nearing 2) are on their second. I can't even fathom being there yet.

My DD, to me, is still a baby who needs 100% of my attention. Or maybe it's that I want to be able to give her 100% of my attention. Regardless, even knowing that my baby-bearing days are limited, I don't want to TTC another baby....yet.

Anyone else choosing to space* their babies farther apart?

*I make a note of this because (a) I realize the choice is a blessing and (b) I'm happy to be blessed with DD.

[PookiePrincess]

I am not even married yet, but I think about these things. I want to space my kids AT LEAST 3 years apart. I was thinking 4, actually (my mom thinks I'm nuts).

My brother is a little over 2 years younger than me. I don't know how my mom did it. I can't imagine having a toddler running around while dealing with a brand new baby. There is no way.

As far at the biological clock goes, I have an aunt who has a 15, almost 16 year old, and a 12 year old, and is having a baby in September. She's 41...almost 42. I think she's crazy b/c her youngest is 12. So, if she can have a baby at 42, you should be able to also.

If you don't feel you're ready right now, then don't stress about your age. Plan another baby when you're ready, not because your family thinks you should have another baby.

People just need to mind their own business sometimes!

[deanna616]

I have a 16 year old from a previous marriage and love him to death. He lives with his father in another state (his choice) and I never really got to raise him the way I had envisioned I'd wanted to raise my child. Now, I'm very happily married again to a wonderful man who has no children (neither do his brother or sister) and I think we will be the only ones to carry on his name. We were 35 when we got married last year and know we would like to have a baby at some point for sure. I would like to sooner rather than later because I never wanted to be an "old mom" even though that will be exactly what happens. Don't rush it. If you don't feel ready...don't worry about what everyone else thinks. It's about you and that's that. :)

deanna

[Lolavix]

I was 35 when married, and 36 when DD arrived. I'll be 38 in less than 2 months and she'll be 2 in about 4. We haven't started TTC #2 yet due to timing. (I'm a teacher and it would be far better to have Baby #2 during the summer months.) I feel like I don't have a ton of time left, either, between "advanced maternal age" and the fact that I'm diabetic and would be a high risk pregnancy at any age. We've already determined that if we don't conceive #2 this fall, we'll just keep trying and deal with "bad" timing of a school year birth if we're lucky enough to conceive at all.

I do get envious when I see so many women whose company I had during my pregnancy #1 already well into their second pregnancies, but like you, I also can't imagine having two children separated by less than 2 years. If all goes according to plan (which I know is no guarantee, by any means) there will be about 2.5 years between DD and Baby #2. I guess part of what gets factored in there is that there is still that time period between conception and birth where a lot will change as far as DD's behavior and babyishness. 9 months is a ton of time in her life, and a lot of changes will occur in her by then. So, even though I wouldn't want another baby right now, by the time she is 2.5, I might. (Interestingly, I might be biased by the fact that my sister and I are 2 years and 9 months apart.)

[LeighW]

In a perfect world, I would choose to have 2 children 2.5-4 years apart. My DD is 26 months, and I didn't think seriously about having another one until she was well into her second year. My DH and I briefly considered TTC#2 right away, but we weren't ready. Simple as that.

I am also an older mom--I was 39 when my DD was born and am 41 now. We started TTC#2 when she was about 16 months old, and we only started that early because of my age. I got pregnant this spring and would have been due in early January, which was perfect timing as far as I was concerned. Unfortunately, I m/c last month.

There is nothing wrong with waiting. Wait until you fee ready to be pregnant and then ready to deal with a newborn and an older child, and until you believe your DD will be ready (as Lolavix pointed out, babies mature a lot in 9 months). Yes, it might take you longer, and you might not be able to conceive a second time, but, I think it's important to make sure it's the best thing for you and your family, not just what everyone else is doing or everyone expects you to do.

Good luck.

[adoredh]

Always do what's best for your family...

In saying that though, my sister and I are 2 1/2 years apart, and are very close. I love that she and I are so close in age, we relate so well on different parts of our lives. We share our friends together too, so we both get to double up on friendships! LOL!

DH has a sister 5 1/2 years younger then him. He forever see's her as immature (to be honest though, she is) and does not relate with her at all. She doesn't call us, we don't call her. When we see her, it's almost like running into a distant cousin. To me, this whole relationship is very strange, but that's the way they both prefer it, since that's the relationship they've had their whole lives.

Because of my experiences, I would like to space my children out no more then 3 years. It's not scarey to me to have two children that are both young. My mom thought of it as a blessing to have the two of us so close, she didn't have to entertain us so much, we played together very well :)

[catmom]

Currently, our plan is for DD to be our only child. I just don't think I have the energy to take care of more than one, and I was an only and had a really happy childhood (and no, not because I was spoiled with a lot of material possesions). We may reconsider, but not before DD is in school.

[Brady]

I don't know. I waver day to day. Granted my son is only almost 5 months old right now, but I do know I would not want them less than 2 years apart. My current thinking is wait until he IS 2, then discuss. I'm 30 now, so I feel I still have some time.

I have a friend that has 2 little girls, they are only 15 months apart... and after watching her those first few months, all I can say is- YIKES! ;)

My brother and I are 6 years apart. This wasn't intentional as my mother had 3 miscarriages between our births, but we def. were not close as kids, it took till he was about 20 before we started talking more and now I love our relationship.

In an ideal world where I could just chose my destiny, I would probably try to space them 3-3.5 years.

[Franni]

I am beginning to the think of #2. and yes, it's because I am already in my 30's. I guess one thing to consider is whether or not you could accept not being able to have a #2. There are people who have given birth well into their 40's, but the quality of your eggs diminish every month. That's just the way it is (yeah, I think biology is a man :mad: )

My DD is a "full contact" baby. She needs 125% of me. And since I work, I give her that when I am at home (as evidenced by the piles of cr*p all over my house). So I understand your hesitation. Definitely no easy answer here, but to reiterate everyone else's sentiment, listen to your heart and make your decision from there.

[Winter Biscuit]

My daughter is 19 months old and we are not even considering TTC #2 yet. I always thought I would want my kids 2 years apart. Then DD came along and as time went by, I realized that I am not at all ready for another one yet. I am thankful that we were blessed with a beautiful daughter and I would like another child someday. I just don't feel "ready." At all.

Part of it is I enjoy the time I have with her. I am enthralled by her; I adore her; I love watching her learn and grow and change. I feel like I barely have enough time for myself right now, so I can't imagine having to share my attention and love with another child.

My best friend had 2 boys that are exactly 12 months apart. The 2nd one was a "surprise"...her first baby was only 3 months old when she got pregnant again. Although both of her boys are adorable, happy little boys, I can't help noticing that they definitely don't get as much 1:1 attention as my daughter gets. Well, duh, I mean, there's 2 of them. There's absolutely nothing wrong with that, and my friend certainly has enough love to spread. I guess watching them just made me realize how much I enjoy sharing so much 1:1 time with DD and DH and how I'm just not ready to change that yet.

I WOH, and I think that plays a huge role in my feelings. I go to the office 4 days a week (and am out by 3pm each day) and I am also home all day on Wednesdays with my DD, so I get lots of 1:1 time with her in spite of working full-time. I guess I just can't imagine working full-time, being pregnant (and dealing with morning sickness - I had it a little rough last time and threw up every day for the first 6 months), chasing after a very active toddler, and still finding time for my marriage, myself, cooking... :eek:

[hub1176]

And just about the second she was born, I started hearing the question: So when are you going to give DD a brother/sister?

Me too!! My IL's are appalled that DH and I said that DD was it - My FIL's exact words were "Well you need to give her a baby brother" :eek:
Umm no we don't! I find that when you ask these people if they are planning on getting up for middle of the night feedings and educating the second child they tend to back off :p I just don't understand why people think they need to dictate someone else's very personal choices.
Seriously DD will be 8 weeks old tomorrow and I don't plan on # 2 until she's much older (and this is coming from someone who had problems conceiving)

[Kristeen]

I know the dilemma.

I am 4.5 older and 8 younger than my sisters and I always wished we had been closer in age. So I figured I'd have MY children closer in age.

But as I raise DS I find that's not what I want from the standpoint of a parent, and more specifically the type of parent I am coupled with the limitations I have. Like you said, I feel like DS is still a little baby and that having another baby would be robbing him of my time and me of the whole experience. I know I don't want him to be an only child, and I don't want to wait too long, but I'm thinking about ttc when he's 4.

Plus, I'm applying to start a 2 year grad school program in the fall, so they might be even further apart in age!

[mom_to_zoe]

We are choosing to space our children between 3 and 4 years apart. DD is almost 2 now and in an ideal world, I would have my second in spring 2007, when DD is 3 1/2. Fortunately, I just a few months shy of thirty when I had DD so I will still be under 35 when we have our second. For us, there are a few reasons we want to space our kids this way. One, I am a WOHM. I stayed home with DD for a year and then went back to work. I feel like I should work here for at least two years before leaving again to be fair to my boss -- in part because I plan to quit when my second child is born. Second, we really need a bigger house if we are going to have a second baby and we can't afford to move right now. DH works for the government and makes less than he could in private practce by choice. But after the next gubenatorial election, he will go back to making money so we can buy a bigger house and have a second baby -- but that is not until fall 2006. Third, we just like it better this way! I want to have DD potty-trained and in preschool before I have another baby. I like the idea of DD being more independent when I have a new baby and also that will give me a chance for one-on-one time with the new baby. We also just don't feel ready to divide our attention between two kids. DH and I love doting on DD and we want to keep that up for a while.

Lots of my friends are having their kids around two years apart. More power to them, I say. But for us, this is the right choice. Luckily, our parents agree with our decision. My brother and I are almost four years apart and while we fought a lot as kids, I still like this model.

[BTB]

So, if she can have a baby at 42, you should be able to also.

I would LOVE it if that were true! Unfortunately, some women are able to reproduce later than others. There was just an interesting article on CNN Health (that was retired already, bummer, or I'd link it) talking about a study done which suggests a genetic tendency toward a longer reproductive span vs. not, and if a commercial test became available as a result of this finding, it would be able to give a younger woman a ballpark notion of how much time she has.

In my family, we're done young, not by choice. My mother had completed menopause by age 40, if I'm like her in that regard I can't afford to wait too long! Planning the second is tricky due to work requirements, in my ideal world, no fertility or work issues, I'd aim for right around 2.5-3 years between births. My sister and I are three years apart, it felt like a good gap growing up and now. I'm 6 years apart from my brother, and my sister and he are 9 years apart - that felt long, but it wasn't by choice.

[cgmom313]

Well I am not sure if we are having another. My DD is 4 1/2 months old and I already get so are you ready for another. Ummmm Noooo... I want to spend time with her, enjoy her, etc. My DH and I would like to have another but if we do they will have to be close together. I am 35 years old and did have touble concieving. I have 2 sisters and my hubby has 1 sister and 1 brother and we are both close to our siblings. So we would really like for our DD to have a sibling. We both said we would most likely start trying after her 1st birthday and see what happens. However if God blesses us with one happy healthy kid that would be ok to. 2 kids would be our max.

[bea_mama]

Our goal is to have another baby when DD is 2 1/2-3. She'll be 2 next month, so we better get going on that, huh? ;)

I did not feel ready to have another one until recently - I've actually had the baby bug for a while, but I didn't feel ready. My sister and a lot of friends have had their children with 2 years or less difference in age, and it's been a lot of work. I know it will still be a ton of work if I have 2 children with 3 years difference in age, but by then, Ava will be a little more independent than she is now.

Part of my decision is age - I just turned 34 in May and my DH is 37. We don't want to wait too much longer before having another little one.

I also WOH full time. I really have no idea how I will handle working full time and having 2 kids, but we'll figure it out. It does make me sad to think that a second baby will not have all the undivided attention that Ava does - when we get home from work, we focus our attention on her. But, a second baby will have the benefit of having a wonderful big sister, so there are benefits as well!

[jh124]

DS is due in October. I would like to space my children 3-4 years apart. Considering it took us 14 months to conceive #1, we might wait 2 years and then give it a go. I have multiple fertility problems, and I will be 33 this fall, so that weighs as a factor as well.

[quest]

Thanks for all the responses. Everyone makes really good points and puts me more at ease with my decision.

I do have a cousin a year younger than me with a DD 6 mos. younger than my DD. We were chatting last night and she said sometimes she feels 'behind' everyone else (being an "older" mom, etc.), and I told her what I believe to be true. If she had done anything different, she wouldn't have her DD...as in, the DD she has and knows and loves today. You listen to your heart for a reason, and I know that's why I have my precious DD now. I truly believe that :)

So good luck to all of you, no matter WHAT you decide!

[jenn0911]

I was born 5 years before my siblings(twins), I don't think we really played together or really appreciated each other until we were much older. My DD's are 27 months apart. Right now the oldest is 5 1/2 and the younger one just turned 3. I love watching them play together, they really enjoy each other and love each other. It was hard however to decide when to have #2. I got pregnant 4 months before DD#1 was 2. I was worried I might not be able to give DD#1 the attention she needed but that wasn't how it was. I was able to be a SAHM and got to give both of my DD's all my attention and we got to do everything all together.

Plus the older one was old enough to understand about the baby, (being gentle), and to help (bring diapers) but young enough not to be too jealous that she had to share me and her daddy.

[BTB]

~~~~~

(Never mind.)

[Lolavix]

Plus the older one was old enough to understand about the baby, (being gentle), and to help (bring diapers) but young enough not to be too jealous that she had to share me and her daddy.

Obviously this could differ from child to child/family to family, but my sister's kids are almost exactly 2 years apart (2 years and 8 days). They are now almost 6 and 4. Looking back, my sister says that she almost wishes she waited until my niece was a bit further away from 2 to have my nephew. She said there was a world of difference between my niece at age 2 versus how she was even 6-12 months later, as far as maturity.

So, another "pro" to having more years between the kids.

[Kanga]

I too plan on having my kids about 3 years apart. Maybe 4. There are several reasons why. (Hope I'm not repeating too much as I didn't read the entire thread) I want dd (edd 10/25) to be able to walk, talk, and be potty trained before I even *think* about having a 2nd. My sister and I were in diapers at the same time for awhile, and my parents still have stories about what a hassle it was, and if they could do it over, they would have spaced a little farther apart. 2nd reason is I believe it will be easier financially. More time between buying big ticket items, i.e cars, college. 3rd reason, my sister is 16mos younger than I am, and drove me absolutely crazy while we were growing up. Always wanted to hang out with my friends, do the same activities, etc. Because she wasn't that much younger than I am, she could. I know this will probably happen somewhat anyways, but hopefully by increasing the age, it will help it some. My other reasons have already been listed, older child being able to help, understand better, etc.

ETA - my sister and I now have a great relationship. It really helped when I graduated high school and moved out of the house. Dh is 8 years older than his brother and 11 years older than his sister.
DH has a sister 5 1/2 years younger then him. He forever see's her as immature (to be honest though, she is) and does not relate with her at all. She doesn't call us, we don't call her. When we see her, it's almost like running into a distant cousin. To me, this whole relationship is very strange, but that's the way they both prefer it, since that's the relationship they've had their whole lives.
Ironically, this is how he and his brother are, but he is really close to his sister.

[wildcat]

DH and I are expecting our first baby on 9/22 and are planning on having about 3-4 year spacing between this baby and the second (only planning on the two kids). We are 28 and 29, so the biological clock doesn't really play into it for us. I am the oldest of 3, with a sister and a brother. My sister and I are about 22 months apart and fought like CRAZY growing up and didn't really get along until we were both in college. My sister and brother are about 3 years apart and have always gotten along pretty well. My brother and I are 5 years apart and have always had a wonderful relationship. My DH has 1 brother that is 5 years younger and they always got along great, but probably didn't spend much time together due to the age difference.

So, we've decided that 3-4 years is ideal for us:). In addition to how well we believe they will get along, we'd like a little more spacing as we both work full-time and our children will be in daycare (unless I change my mind after we have kids!), so if we wait 3-4 years, that's fewer years we'll have to pay for 2 at one time. Additionally, it will be further apart for large expenses such as cars, college, etc. Finally, we really want to spend a lot of time with the first baby and have him/her a bit more "grown-up" before we start "baby" all over again:). OH - and I want my body back for awhile before going through this crazy pregnancy stuff a second time!!

We have friends that are due with their first baby (edd next week) and are planning to TTC again when this baby is 9 months...they want 18 - 24 months between kids (3 all together with that spacing between each) and want us to the same, but we told them no way (and they are younger than we are)! Everyone is definitely different when it comes to their ideal spacing!

[shortcake]

Ideally, I'd like to have a 2nd kid when DD is around 3 years old. However, due to DH's work situation (his current post doc will finish when DD is 3.5) and the uncertainties it poses, we want to wait until we are settled again before TTC (or at least close to being settled). So that could put them 4-5 years apart.

The good thing about that for me is I am not so great at multi-tasking, and am not sure how I'd handle 2 little ones at once! But it is farther apart than I'd like since I think they won't be as close - my sis and I weren't so close and we were 4 years apart (and what about going back to work...I wanted to wait till they were in school before looking for FT work but that is a loooooong time off if I do). Fortunately at least I am young enough to have time on my side - I am 31 so I'd be 33 or 34ish.

[SiValleySteph]

We're not planning on another kid for a while. My son is 10 months, and I think I would prefer waiting until he is 3 or 4 for another.

I think all this talk about how close your kids will be because of age really depends on the kids/family. Everyone has their own ancedotal information, as do I. :p

My husband is not very close with his sister who is less than 2 years older than him. In fact, we live in the same area and see her only when his parents are visiting. On the other hand, my sisters are 5, 3, and 4 years apart from me and we've see them more often than we've seen his sister even though the closest is a 7 hour drive away and the others 4 hour flights away.

Anyways, there really is no way to predict how close your kids will be when they grow up no matter how close in age they are. All you can do is try to foster a famliy environment and the appreciation for family relationships. :cool:

[abbylynn]

DS just turned two and even though I have the baby bug I'm not ready to start TTC #2 yet. There are some things we want to do as a family next year (a few vacations) that I would rather not be pregnant for. I don't think we'll really start thinking seriously about #2 until after DSs 3rd birthday. Right now, DH and I are really starting to reconnect and have started leaving DS for a night or two with my parents (we're even discussing going away for a weekend w/o DS) and I'm not ready to give that up yet. I'd also like DS to be potty-trained, more verbal and in school more than 8 hours a week. My SIL is pregnant with #2 and they will be almost exactly 2 years apart and I just can't imagine dealing with a newborn and chasing after DS.

[Katyanne]

I'm not pregnant yet but this subject has been on my DH and my mind alot lately. My twin sister just gave birth to her second a few days her first will be 2 later next month. I know there's always an adjustment period but Eden (my sis's oldest) is already having a hard time coping.

For those of you that have kids really close together how long did it take the older to get used to the younger?

DH and I are now thinking 3-4 years between kids.

Katie

[RileyMom]

I have had the baby bug off and on since Riley was 6-7 months old but I never once considered acting on those feelings until a few months ago (shortly before DD turned 2). Its one thing to have the baby bug, its another thing to seriously look at your reality and decide whether or not its something that you really want.

As many of you have pointed out, there is no way that I would have wanted to even *try* to care for two babies under 2. But more importantly, I have always felt that I wanted to give Riley my undivided attention when I am home. I WOH, and that probabably does factor in somewhat, but I doubt my feelings would change much if I stayed at home. Riley is a highly energetic, giggly, always-on-the-move, always learning, very interactive, child. She really (even now) demands and deserves all of my attention. An infant would just not fit in to the picture. Now, if I could give birth to a child who was instantly her age, that might be a different story. :) But an infant and a young toddler have very different needs that are both attention-demanding, and I have no idea how one deals with that.

We will probably offically TTC in the fall. Right now, we are throwing caution to the wind, though, so who knows. Riley just turned 2. I would love to be pg by the time she is 3 so they would be 3.5 or 4 years apart. I feel that at that age, Riley will be able to better grasp the idea of a little baby in the house and why Mommy can't spend as much time playing with her, be a bit more independent, potty trained etc. That's my thought, anyway.

[Elenitsa]

Hi I just wanted to chime in here as the offspring of parents who waited a long time to have me, 14 years to be exact. My mom had my sister at 28, and then me at 42. No others between us. I got many jokes over the years of being the "ops" baby, even though they tried for nearly a year to get pregnant. They didn really try in the "in-between" years because prior doctors told my mother it was impossible and her health would be jeopardized (even though there was nothing wrong with her),then they newly immigrated to the US and finances didn't allow. Once they got to a better financial place and my mom actually saw a good doctor who told her the truth, they tried and were successful. My mom says it was the best thing ever. That she really feels like it has kept her young and vital. That she would make the same choice over again.

[Pookie]

As a closely spaced sibling, I definitley want my kids at least 2 years apart. (minimum) My sis and I are just 20 months apart and have never gotten along. We don't talk unless we're both with my parents. DS is 4 1/2 months right now. For awhile, I had thought maybe starting next July to let nature take it's course (It took me almost 2 years to get pg.), but then July rolled around and I thought, "That's just next year. I just had a baby." So the plan is to wait until DS is about 2 and then maybe start TTC, putting them about 3 years apart. However; I will be applying to grad school next fall and the exact timing will depend on how long it takes to get accepted.

[wagsgirl]

My DD was almost 27 months when my DS was born in February. So just a few months after turning two. Which, by this thread, many people consider close, but for me, I never want any of my children to be more than 2.5 years apart. For us, this age difference is great. I turned two 3 weeks after my brother was born. We are the only two. My DH has 3 younger sisters, all within 6 years of him being born. (His parents were busy ;) ) His mom says that she would have stopped at 3 kids if she would have known four under 6 years old were so much work :p . Yes, we fought as we were growing up like any siblings as did my DH and his sisters. But we're all great friends now and it's nice to be going through the same things in life all together. Everyone getting married, everyone starting to have kids, etc. We're hoping to have 3 or 4, so we'll probably start TTC when DS is 18 months or so.

For those of you that have kids really close together how long did it take the older to get used to the younger?

This is kinda hard to answer. DD was used to her brother after a month or so, but because of her age, she had to be reminded every once in a while to be gentle or whatever. However, DS is very used to her now and hardly cries when she "hurts" him (by laying on him, or hugging too tight, or pulling on his legs, or whatever). Sometimes she doesn't realize that she's hurting him, and we tell her to be gentle and she's good for another day :)

[Cat Bride]

I guess we all speak from personal experiences or through our friends experiences. As for personal, my brother and I are 3.5 years apart and never have gotten along. At that point my brother was very aware of himself and saw me as a threat, was very violent and abusive towards me. and that kind of remind. even after 30+ we barely speak a word to each other. so this being said, DD is 15 months and we're just thinking about #2. we would like them to be no more than 3 years apart before DD develops a sense of self and becomes jealous of #2. I know that I won't be able to give #2 as much attention as #1. But since #1 is already in daycare 3 times a week because I work part time (consultant), we'll continue that trend when #2 arrives and probably quit working so that will give me 3 full days with #2. Also, I want the kids to be closer in age so I can get back to my career sooner. the longer i stay out the more knowledge and value I lose.

As for the age thing. DH and I are in our early 30's so I feel the clock ticking. We live in San Francisco where the average age of a new mom is late 30's and unfortunately the rate of down syndrome, autism and other development issues are on the rise. In our local mom's club, i would have to say about 60% of the moms are in the late 30's, early 40's. Another 30% around late 20's, early 30's and the other 10% are mid 20's. And sad to say a lot of the babies/toddler with older moms have development issues. As PP mentioned, we only come with so may eggs and their quality detoriates over the years. So that's probably the biggest factor for wanting to be done before I hit 35.

[kdotp]

[adding another anecdote to the pile]

My two sisters are 7 and 4 years older than me respectively. Growing up, they always did things together and either 1) teased me mercilessly about everything (which was easly because I was a "sensitive" child) or 2) ignored me completely. In retrospect, it was good because it made me independent and creative, but at the time I hated it. I didn't really even get along with the middle sister until I was in college. We're close now, but it took us a while to get here.

She (middle sister) has one DD that turned 2 in May and is due again this August. It wasn't exactly what she had hoped for as far as spacing (and has said if there's a third, it won't be for a few years) but they're making the best of it. Already, her DD is looking forward to "helping mommy" with the new baby. Of course,who knows what she'll be like when the baby actually arrives.

I'm due next March with our first and DH and I have always thought we would like 2-3 years between our kids. I guess we'll see what happens when we get to that point!

[sem426]

*BUMP*

looking for some more opinions as DH and I decide when to start TTC again...

[jenjen0713]

I was 32 when I got married and knew that I wanted to have 3-4 kids. DH was 36 when we married and wants to be done having children shortly after he turns 40, so time really isn't on our sides.

DS was born 10 1/2 months after we got married. In a perfect world, I would have liked to have spaced kids out 2-3 years just so I could enjoy DS....however my reality is something entirely different. DS will be 16 months old when DC #2 is born. I know it will be tough, but I think regardless of whether you have children close or far apart, you will find many pros/cons for each.

[jh124]

I wanted to space my kids about four years apart, but unfortunately I am quasi-fertile. I was blessed with DS after much trying and longing. Knowing we want to have a second child, we were advised to start sooner rather than waiting as I had hoped.

[EJM]

I'm one of 6 children, the 5th born. There are 17 years between the oldest and the youngest, 5 girls and 1 boy. I think personalities rather than spacing played a bigger role in who got/gets along. There are 6 years between me and #4 and 3 years between me and #6. I would say I get along equally with everyone, except one of my sisters but then again she doesn't really get along with any of us.

We are hoping for 2.5-3 years between children. Who knows though, DD was a surprise and maybe the next one would take a while. I'm enjoying DD and don't want to rush things mostly because I think I would be too overwhelmed with 2 under 2 years old. I would also like DD to be more independent when a sibling comes along. I have 9 nieces and nephews with all different kinds of spacing, again I think it comes down to personality of what works best for each family.

[Pink_Converse]

I noticed some the previous posters ended up having that second or third child by now. How is the spacing working out for you? Did you all end up sticking to your orignal plans?

[lauren f s]

My DD and DS are 3 years apart. I really think it's a great age difference. For starters, she's potty trained, so only 1 set of diapers to change! And I like that she's at a good age where she was very curious and tried to understand what was going on while I was pregnant. Now that DS is here she is a fabulous big sister. She really adores her little brother and is such a big help to me. I'd really like to have a third child and ideally would space that one 3 years younger than DS.

[Ericka_Jarett]

We were talking about waiting 2-3 yrs before having another baby. Well the Lord had other plans and we will have our kids 14 months apart.

[RoxyRocks]

I am the oldest of 5 and there is a 10, 12, 14 yr difference between me and the youngest ones=)
We are TTC now & our DS is 6 1/2 yrs old and will probably be 8 before the baby is born. I have really irregular cycles and might be starting clomid in the next few months.

But maybe I will have a BFP tomorrow?

[Sarah]

My kids have a 3 year age difference, and I loved it. That said, I had hoped to space #2 and #3 a bit closer, just to sort of speed things up a little. I think things will work out either way.

[tracer]

DS1 and DS2 are 21 months apart...love it and wouldn't change it. There wasn't a whole lot of adjustment for DS1 to make when DS2 came because he was so young and at this point in life, DS1 doesn't really remember life without him. They are like BFF's and always have someone to play with or to have a partner in crime...oh, they do fight too though!

DS2 and DC3 - depending on when we get PG there will be a 2 1/2 to 3 year difference. We want them close in age, but they won't be as close as the first two are. Three years apart is pushing it for us, we love having them close in age.

[quest]

Soon after starting this thread, I kind of thought that I would want to start trying once DD turned 3...so in the Fall of '06. However. We got a lovely little surprise (okay, HUGE MAJOR GINORMOUS surprise) in the Spring of '06 instead. And DS was born early this year, when DD was 3 years, 3 months.

I won't lie, being pregnant with a toddler was tough. And having a high-needs newborn with reflux was even tougher (at least for the first 3-4 months). I had (have!) huge guilt issues for the attention that DD doesn't always get. But DS is now 6 months and he's a happy, wonderful, (dare I say easy?), baby. I still struggle to give DD what she needs without NOT giving DS what DD had when she was his age (does that make sense?) and I do the best I can.

Like I said, DS was a complete surprise, so there's a reason he was born when he was. Who knows if it would have been any easier if it had happened 6-9-12 months later. All I know is that it WAS tough, but it's not any more. Sure, I'm in denial about how sleep-deprived I am, and my house is usually in way more chaos than I can stand, but that would probably be true no matter how the timing worked out, so for me, I couldn't be happier if I tried :).