If you could do it all over again would you elope?

[sunkiss000]

Hey.. not sure how much action this thread will get, but I was just wondering... how many of you former brides, or brides close to the day, would elope if they had the chance to do everything all over again.

I am seriously considering it... being that I have been engaged for almost a year, and we've tried to set a date, and can't seem to settle on anything (because of locations and families, etc.) Just kind of want to be married already!!

~Gennie

[miaclear]

Hell no! I loved almost every minute of my planning and although it was stressful at times the end result couldn't have been better.

[BethElena]

wedding is next month, but if i knew it wouldn't crush my mom and we would get a full refund, ELOPING WE WOULD GO!!

[bunny nose]

Yes!!!!!!!!!!

[Sare79]

I'm a couple months away and I would love to elope! If it didn't crush our families, and if we didn't have so much money invested, we would totally elope.

[apoppy]

I'm going to say 50% yes ;)

We had a very nice time at our wedding, and it seems most of the people who attended did too. However, the stress of planning it really got to me. We planned the wedding long distance, and the venue and date changed a few times. For those reasons, I can't say that I enjoyed the planning as much as some brides seem to. At a certain point, I just wanted to be married!

My parents supported elopement, but DH's parents didn't.

After everything is said and done, I think I would have been happy with eloping. It certainly would have been cheaper!

[Sazoo]

Nope, I definitely wouldn't elope if I had it to do over again. I might do some things differently than I did for our wedding last summer, but I would still want a "big wedding" with all the standard traditions, etc.

:)

[blahblah]

No way in the world. Please I keep asking if we can have another wedding.

[Sha259]

Actually, the only reason we had a sit down, bring guests wedding, was because of our mothers. If it had been up to us, we would have just eloped. No doubt about it. But now that I have the wedding pics, I tend not to resent it as much. :)

[ginastorm]

Nope. We had such a good time at our wedding celebrating with family & friends, I wouldn't want to elope. I certainly understand about just wanting to get married though.

[PG-rated]

I loved our wedding and would never have eloped. But things went pretty well for us up until the last week. We had a little family situation in the last few days that had me daydreaming of calling the whole thing off and going to a JP straight from work. In fact, when we picked up our marriage license, we noticed there was no waiting period, and we looked at each other and said, are we sure we don't want to just do this right now and to hell with the party? Luckily everything was smoothed over, all of the final details were taken care of, and as much as I never want to go through anything like that last week again, I had a wonderful time on our wedding day.

[Natasha]

I'm not even married yet and I want to elope!

[wendalah]

No, but that said, I will never plan a wedding again. If, God forbid, I ever get married again--it will be bare-bones. MAYBE I'll be up for helping my daughter plan hers, if I ever have a daughter in the future.

[DiscoDiva]

No way. I would change some things, but I'd never elope. To me, a wedding is about us, but also about the public vow exchange in front of friends and family. Somehow, that makes it more 'complete' to me. (i know, probably makes no sense....)

[evagatesgreen2]

I wanted to elope from day one ;)but went with a church wedding to make DH happy.

[kris97]

No, I actually had a wonderful time planning and was incredibly fortunate that the day turned out to be all we could have hoped for. Perhaps even more importantly, eloping would have meant my family wouldn't have been able to enjoy what they all said was one of the best nights they'd ever spent together. I don't know how many times in my life I will be able to see my grandmother, parents, brother, aunts, uncles, and cousins in one place, dancing the night away, and I am so glad our wedding was one of them. :)

[cr8zyforaf]

Nope - to me the day was about celebrating with family and friends and if we had eloped, many of those people would not have gotten to share those memories with us. Yes it was stressful, yes there were fights and hurt feelings but that is all a distant memory now. Three years later, we still get told how much fun everyone had and what a special day that was.

Also, three family members passed away shortly after our wedding - the pictures we have of them are priceless to us (and other family members since those were the last pictures taken of those people) - had we eloped, those people probably wouldn't have been able to make it due to health issues.

[Sarah6690]

Oh how I wish I could go back and do it over again... but only so we could have eloped! No way would I have gone through all of the drama that I did. Now, maybe if DH had a different family I would feel differently. I wanted to elope in the beginning, but DH insisted that he wanted all of our family and friends there. My original plan was to get married in Jamaica and then have a VERY casual, tropical themed party when we got back. But it wasn't to be. And as it turned out, we didn't have enough money to go on much of a honeymoon, had we eloped, we would have had it all in one!

[Larissa]

I've always wanted to elope :) We actually wanted to elope somewhere in Europe and then have a bigger, but informal reception when we got back.

I wouldn't change the way that we are currently planning, it's the best thing we could do in our situation.

[*Jen*]

FI and I are 22 months from our wedding, we have hardly anything planned and we both would LOVE to elope, mainly b/c of people trying to plan the wedding their way and tell us what to do.

I decided the other day to issue a fair warning to everyone in my family and Tim's that if they try to take control anymore (come on...we not even under a year yet!!) that we would just elope and not tell them until afterwards.

Boy you should have seen the look on my mom's face;) I think she got the message and will hopefully pass it around.

[LILRTL]

I am on the fence. On one hand, I loved our wedding - loved the people, the music, the flowers, everything. On the other hand, I could have had all of that but the people at a destination wedding. I think that is what I would do - not necessarily elope, but only take close family somewhere and have a small ceremony. :)

[emmjay]

I am on the fence. On one hand, I loved our wedding - loved the people, the music, the flowers, everything. On the other hand, I could have had all of that but the people at a destination wedding. I think that is what I would do - not necessarily elope, but only take close family somewhere and have a small ceremony. :)

This is what we did - we had 40 guests at our wedding in Scotland (mostly family). It was perfect - only close family and friends were there, our wedding coordinator did everything so there was no stress, and we still had a whole (civil) ceremony and reception.

[sunkiss000]

Hey girls.. thanks for making all of the posts.. I created the thread because I am so on the fence with this.. but I noticed that a lot of the "no I wouldn't elope" brides say they wouldnt because of family, and having everyone together, right?
After reading all of them, I think that is the reason I want to elope. Not because I hate my family, but because if I plan a wedding anywhere but in California, my grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, and possibly even my brother and his children.. will not be able to come. The reasons vary from health, money, young children, and just plain inconvience. I know some of them piss me off with their reasons.. but the bottom line is... I will just have my parents, sister, and maybe an aunt or uncle. The 125 person reception would be more for his family and our friends.. and when I close my eyes and picture that it makes me cry... (yes I cry alot lately )
The same goes for his situation, (kind of, more of his mother making my life miserable) if we did it in Califronia.. except I would have the added stress of planning from a distance.

I may be going insane over this :o
What do you girls think?

[kemaji]

There was a period of a couple months before the wedding where I had many thoughts on eloping because of a lot of family drama. Our wedding turned out so fantastic though that I wouldn't change a thing.

[greenbunny]

If I could redo it so I enjoyed it rather than running around trying to please everyone, I would do it again. If I had to repeat exactly how it went, I would elope.

[lml41981]

We had a planned elopement to Vegas. We had about 55-60 family and friends with us. If I had it all to do over again, would we have eloped (planned with guests or unplanned)? No. I miss that I didn't get to really "plan" my wedding. Weddings are such an industry in Vegas that it is all planned for you...that's obviously one of the draws. I mean, it was fun...but I didn't get to pick my florist or my minister (that's one that still bugs me...what a freak he was) or my photographer (whose style was nothing like what I would have chosen). Even my reception was planned by someone else - my aunt, through a caterer she found. It was the caterer's first wedding, as she had always refused to do weddings because she didn't deal with brides. The reception turned out beautifully, but I didn't have a photographer there because my cousin was going to take photos and changed his mind at the last minute. I didn't have time to hire anybody and didn't know he wasn't doing it, otherwise I'd have at least put disposable cameras out for people to use. I have so few pictures of my reception that it hurts.

I think a lot of the hurt feelings I have about my wedding could have been alleviated had I planned the thing from the get-go. Of course, then I would have potentially ended up with 400-500 people at the wedding, which was the main reason we went to Vegas to begin with.

[emmjay]

I didn't get to pick my florist or my minister (that's one that still bugs me...what a freak he was) or my photographer (whose style was nothing like what I would have chosen).
Same here - I didn't pick anyone either. Luckily my photographer was amazing and my florists were so cute (they were sisters in their 70s, and they picked most of my sister's (MOH) bouquet out of their and their neighbors' gardens!), but our band was TERRIBLE. Our reception was like the Lawrence Welk Show. And our JP was the little Poltergeist lady's long-lost Scottish clone - she whispered everything and would pause and intently stare at us after saying anything. I probably would have changed those two aspects if I could, but actually they ended up being kind of funny.

[catch]

Gennie, I think you and I are in similar situations. My FH and I have finally decided on an intimate destination wedding for 30 people. We're being selfish, this wedding is purely for us, not the family and friends. We want these particular 30 people with us on that day and thankfully, they want to be there as well.

So it's one of those planned elopements. As of right now, only those 30 people know we're planning something. It'll be a surprise to the rest of our friends and family.

I'm sorry you're feeling so sad and stressed about your wedding. I was feeling that way too for a while and then I decided to take a break and recap. What were my priorities? We're paying for it, why couldn't we choose exactly the people we wanted by our side on OUR special day? We then decided to only invite people we would enjoy having dinner with. I mean, truly enjoy. Not my brother's girlfriend's sister or anybody like that or FH's aunt who was mean to me at a party but she's still family.

All of this rambling, just to say, it's supposed to be your day. You should be happily planning! Invite whoever you two truly want to be there on your big day. If you feel that you don't need anybody with you on that day, then just go ahead, elope! Get yourself a fabulous dress and just go for it! Whatever makes you happy. Don't worry about people's feelings, you can't make everyone happy anyway.

Hugs! :)

[PG-rated]

Gennie, I agree that a destination wedding (or eloping, if planning in general is getting you down) is the best bet for you. Then have a California reception and a New York reception when you get back. You won't feel like you're "choosing sides" and you won't have to deal with people meddling beforehand.

[KrissyCat7]

I want to elope. I dont want to plan a wedding. I dont want to worry about programs and favors or anything like that. However, I would really like it if at least my parents and his parents are there. Will I regret not having a big wedding? Maybe. Can I have a big vow renewal down the line, absolutly. :-)

[Kristy]

I never wanted to elope. I wanted the whole big traditional thing, and I loved planning it.

[nekopie76]

I don't think I would have eloped. BUT I would have made big changes to make OUR wedding more for US and not our families.

[Asha]

i don't think i would have wanted to elope, but i wish we had just gone with our original idea which was to only have about 20-30 guests. i wanted to get married in a small, little church and then all go out to an elegant dinner afterwards. then my mom gave me her list of must-be-invited and that idea went out the window bc then that would mean my dh or i would't be able to invite any of our own guests. i wish i had put my foot down and insisted on our original plan.

[sunkiss000]

I love having these boards as an outlet... you have made me feel better.. still not sure what I will do.. but I think you all have reminded me that it doesnt really matter what I do, and it will still be ok.. I had to get over that "pleasing everyone" complex :) I think..

:) :) Gennie

[LRL]

I would have never eloped- although we made no compromises on the wedding that we wanted. Our wedding really reflected us in every way, it was intimate and elegant, and we only invited our closest family and friends. We loved the planning and experiencing the wedding that we so carefully put together.

[KaliLily]

My dad told me years before I got married that if I'd elope he'd give me a ladder and $10,000. As much as I loved my wedding, I sure could use $10,000!!! :D

[kalogrias]

I would have eloped. 100%. Even now, as I look back at a wedding day that was marvelous, I can say with total certainty that I would have much rather done without all of it and gone somewhere quiet with my DH and my mother. We almost did elope (my mother offered to pay for the three of us to go to Italy together to get married there, and then she said she would leave us there for a week -- totally paid for by her, since it would be soooo much less than what our wedding cost). I was all for it, but DH wouldn't go without his parents, and they're not in the best of health...and then they wouldn't go without this person and that person and the third person...sigh.

Anyway, not a day goes by when I don't think about it and just wish we had gone -- him and I, and my mom as the witness. That would have been perfect.

[ejs]

I would not have changed a thing about my wedding day.

But when it came down to it, we would have gotten married anywhere as long as our parents, siblings and their kids were there. We were prepared to do that because my mom almost had her transplant operation two weeks before our wedding.

[Katy]

No, I wouldn't have eloped. For us it was ALL about the party and celebrating with friends (and family). We did the next best thing though, we got married in Vegas at an all-in-one facility (from the flowers, to the officiant, to the hall, to the photographer, to the cake, to the food, limo and the dj). BEST thing I could have done. It left us almost NOTHING to think about. We knew it wouldn't be "picture perfect" and the best of the best, but it was a great party with good food, good music and good times.

Of course, I do keep asking for a do-over (both the wedding and the honeymoon) and he just smirks and says "maybe later" :cool:

[MurphysLaw]

While I enjoyed planning my wedding and everything involved: I would totally elope *OR* do it TOTALLY different (ie. less people/diff location, etc.).

BUT - my wedding was a total SNAFU, from sprinklers through the ENTIRE ceremony to the breaker being tripped halfway thru the reception and people leaving because they thought it was over(no power/no music would make me think it was over too!). All can pretty much be blamed on the venue though...had it gone more smoothly I might have said otherwise. The memories (however bad *some* of them are) are priceless though, and I walked away with the man of my dreams so I can't complain too much!! I'm thinking Katy had the right idea with Vegas!!

That being said, I'm looking forward to a renewal in a few years...I WILL NOT be inviting 230+ guests though!!!

[nylons73]

Kim - I remember reading about how much trouble you had! I am so sorry it all went down like that! :( Glad you got an great man out of it, however. :)

I wouldn't change one thing about how we did our wedding, although due to our long engagement (18 months) I nearly called the whole thing off an eloped because of all of the hassles. I went through 3 dresses b/c the bridal shops (yes shops!) kept ordering the wrong dress, 3 veils and 2 pairs of shoes. Planning the wedding was not always fun and games. My mom rejected something like 10 invitation choices before I finally had my DH pick them! lol. We fought over dumb things like chair coverings (she didn't believe they were ness, but finally relented) and flowers, but in the end, we worked everything out and we were both happy.

While the planning might have been stressful, having the wedding was the most fun I have ever had. It was spectacular. All of the months of planning were put into motion by my wedding coordinator. My DH, my parents and I were able to simply sit back and enjoy the day 100%. I had family who flew in from all over the globe. Seeing them all out on the dance floor, with DH's very traditional 'American' family members and all of the US Marines that were in attendance was priceless! :D My bridesmaids, who flew in from all over the country, will likely never all be in the same room with me again. Having the time to spend with them in the days before the wedding and the day of the wedding was something I will always cherish! :)

[singerwife]

Absolutely would elope if I had a do-over. 100%.

[KaliLily]

Of course, I do keep asking for a do-over (both the wedding and the honeymoon) and he just smirks and says "maybe later" :cool:

I've asked DH several times if we could renew our vows someday - in Vegas or somewhere fun - and he replies with, "Do you really want to risk getting a different answer this time?" What a goober!! :rolleyes:

[Bee]

I think if I could do it all over, I would do a combination. The church wedding meant a lot to me, so I'd still do that, but probably with just our close family and friends. Then go on the honeymoon and come back and have the reception afterwards. That way we could have saved money on flowers and decorations because it would be more casual. I also think it would have been less stressful. I wouldn't want anyone who was traveling to have to travel more than once though!

That said - my wedding day was definitely the best day of my life. You are so happy and the best part is having everyone that is closest to you together at once. It's incredible to look around and see everyone. That normally only happens at weddings & funerals! :eek:

[camberne]

We had talked about it, but NO. My husband hit the nail on the head - I've always wanted a church wedding and deep down it would have bothered me.

However, that aside, regardless of all the planning stress - I had such a wonderful time that day. I didn't want to leave the reception. It was wonderful and I have wonderful memories. :)

[lawyergirl25]

I would elope in a heartbeat!

[katmg]

No way! As stressful as planning a wedding can be - I loved how mine turned out. I've received so many compliments on the design of things (dress, invitations, etc.) and it really means so much to me, because I did put a lot of thought into how things looked and how things would be.

My dad offered me money at one point to elope. Every so often, I think, man it'd be nice to have $10K right now. But then I look at our wedding album or my bridal portraits and think - that was sooo worth it. People have said they never saw a bride have more fun at her own wedding, and it's really true. DH and I had a blast. I'm so glad I have those memories.