Out of town wedding...what to do???

[rileyandfredsmom]

My friend is getting married in October/November (she'll have a date after she goes home next weekend to look at the 2 venues) and I don't know what to do about attending.

We live in TX and she will be having the wedding in New Orleans, which wouldn't be a problem except for the following:

1) This is my CRAZY time of the year at work, literally, I normally work 7 days a week during October/Nov/Dec.

2) She is having the wedding on a Friday so I would have to take a day off.

3) I only have 5.5 vacation days left this year and they are slowly being picked off by all the work I am having to have done on the house. I have to be here when a contractor is here working.

4) I would have to either drive (in which case I would have to take 2 days off) or fly (in which case I would have to pray that my flight wasn't cancelled/delayed as I would be flying out on Friday, returning on Saturday)

5) Money! Every cent my DH and I make is going into this house right now. I haven't bought one single item for myself in the past 7 months because of this house. I have one pair of dress sandals that I wear every day to work because I just don't have the money to go buy more. Every item of clothing I wear is a hand-me-down from said friend that is getting married. So, not only would I have to buy something to wear all the way from the outfit to the shoes, I would have to buy a plane ticket/pay for gas, lodging for one night and the cab to/from the airport (one of the venues is 1 hour away from NO). That is alot of money.

I am pretty close with this friend, I've been shopping with her twice for her dress, looked at every venue locally (until she decided to go home for her wedding), have looked for shoes with her when she found the dress, researched tiaras, bouquets, cake ideas....have oohed and aahed over every decision she has made about this wedding. My problem is, I don't think I can go to it though, not financially or even sparing the time off from work. She made the comment the other day that she is going to let everyone know as soon as she made her decision about the venue so they can save the date and 'if people can't arrange time to take a couple days of vacation and save up between now and then, they shouldn't be coming to the wedding anyway'. Which isn't like her, but her parents are putting a lot of pressure on her to keep costs down, which is why she is going with a Friday night date as opposed to a Saturday date.

I guess I just need someone to tell me that I won't look like a bad friend if I can't go. I want to go but I just don't see it happening. And honestly, maybe I'm being selfish, but the new doors on these ratty old closets is more exciting to me than a trip by myself to NO for one night for a wedding. I'm going to burn in he!! for typing that. :(

Please, tell me honestly what your thoughts are....I just don't know what to do.

[laura]

If it was my really good friend, I would go. I don't find any weddings "fun", honestly, but I make every effort to go for our really good friends no matter how far, how much $ or inconvenience they cause us. It is important to them, so it is important to us. Though I realize not everyone will share that sentiment.

[tenofcups]

Sometimes you just can't do it. I've only once been in a similar situation with a good friend who had moved to California. I was living in NYC and had just started freelancing so money was really tight. All through the planning, I intended to be there, but when I really added up the numbers, I couldn't find a way to make it happen. I called her and we talked; she appeared to understand and I think she really did.

Given all the circumstances you outlined, it just doesn't really sound feasible. You can still go shopping with her here and do whatever else you want to help out, of course. I'd be inclined to let her know soon that it looks like you're not going to be able to make it, but if anything changes you'll let her know right away.

That's the risk she takes with a wedding that far away -- some people will just not be able to make it.

[greenbunny]

If it were only the money, I'd talk to her about it. If I'd had a close friend unable to afford to travel for my wedding, I would have done anything I could to defray costs--have a friend put them up for the night, help towards the plane ticket, etc. But you have a lot of separate issues and it sounds like a logistical nightmare.

[PinkMartini]

Given all the circumstances you outlined, it just doesn't really sound feasible. You can still go shopping with her here and do whatever else you want to help out, of course. I'd be inclined to let her know soon that it looks like you're not going to be able to make it, but if anything changes you'll let her know right away.

That's the risk she takes with a wedding that far away -- some people will just not be able to make it.

ITA! Sometimes you just can't do it

[imagirliegirl]

ITA! Sometimes you just can't do it

Yep, I agree.

[DisneyGirl]

If it was my really good friend, I would go. I don't find any weddings "fun", honestly, but I make every effort to go for our really good friends no matter how far, how much $ or inconvenience they cause us. It is important to them, so it is important to us. Though I realize not everyone will share that sentiment.

I agree with you.

Try talking to your friend and see if you guys can work out something and maybe she can help with money or a place to stay to help defray the cost for you.

[MidwesternGal]

I'd tell your friend right away that you won't be able to make it if you decide you honestly can't. Tell her the very next time you see her. It sounds like the date really doesn't even matter that much--money issues sound like the overriding thing here.

I'm going to be honest here (I'm not trying to be mean, I swear!) but if I were the bride and I had a close friend doing all that fun stuff with me before the wedding and never said anything (with her knowing well beforehand that she wouldn't be able to go--it's not like any of your money issues recently sprang upon you out of the blue), I'd be hurt that she didn't say something right away.

Now, if she were to be up front with me, I'd probably be sad she couldn't make it, but okay with it and understand; in fact, I'd probably help her find someone to split rooms with/stay with for free or share a ride with to defray costs, if that would help her be able to attend. (In fact, I did this for two groomsmen in our wedding--found one a ride there and then the two of them split the room costs.)

Has she picked out her bridal party yet? Sounds like you're very involved. . . . she may be thinking of asking you to be a personal attendant/bridesmaid/other significant part of the wedding. . . yet another reason to tell her ASAP.

[bookworm]

I agree with laura. And if this is a good friend, I have to believe the friendship is more important in the long term than closet doors (I only say that because that's the example you gave, but I would be so hurt if a good friend of mine chose closets over my wedding).

[PG-rated]

I'm torn - on one hand, I think you could make the money work if you wanted to, especially since it sounds like some of these home improvements are things that could wait a couple of months if needed. And I'm someone who would make sure to be there for a close friend. On the other hand, it seems the time off work could really be a problem for you, and she needs to understand that not everyone gets to take vacation when they want to, and if she's that good of a friend, she should know that those months are crazy at work for you, anyway.

Personally, I think you should talk to her NOW about your worries about the timing - tell her you'll request the day off as soon as she picks a date, but you can't guarantee anything. Six months is actually not a ton of notice for a wedding, especially a weekday wedding, IMHO. I wouldn't mention the money at this point, since it might not matter if you can't get the time off, and I think people often get insulted hearing that their event isn't a financial priority for others (they shouldn't be insulted, but it does happen).

[tlew12778]

I agree with laura. And if this is a good friend, I have to believe the friendship is more important in the long term than closet doors (I only say that because that's the example you gave, but I would be so hurt if a good friend of mine chose closets over my wedding).

If it were only the money, I'd talk to her about it. If I'd had a close friend unable to afford to travel for my wedding, I would have done anything I could to defray costs--have a friend put them up for the night, help towards the plane ticket, etc. But you have a lot of separate issues and it sounds like a logistical nightmare.

ITA.

[Hello Kitty]

I agree with laura. And if this is a good friend, I have to believe the friendship is more important in the long term than closet doors (I only say that because that's the example you gave, but I would be so hurt if a good friend of mine chose closets over my wedding).

I agree with this. I'm a serial remodeler, but I know that a lot of the things we choose to do are choices - we're not living in squalor or disrepair, but improving on what we own. I know how money is tight, and I completely understand about choosing to put your money into your house. IMO, though, with several weddings coming up, we're going to them. It's just what you've got to do.

I do however, completely understand about the work/time issue though. I work on some tight/crazy timeframes, and I see that as a real issue. And as your friend, who sees what you're doing to your house and knows how involved you are, well I agree, the financial thing would sound like a really weak excuse. But if you literally wouldn't be able to take off of work (and presuming I'm your friend for more than a year I would know when you're traditionally busy) I would be more understanding than that.

[ejs]

Tough one.

As a guest, I would do everything possible to make it to a close friend's wedding. I'd save money, borrow an outfit, carpool, share a hotel room so I could attend.

As a bride, I would feel horrible if someone put themselves in a bad financial or job situation in order to attend my wedding.

I agree with everyone who has said that you should talk to your friend.

[Asha]

you have two situations here - time and money. it sounds like your time is less flexible bc you only get 5 days off a year. you could talk to your boss about this situation. if you flew out in the afternoon on friday, you would only have to take half a day.

the other situation is money which i see to be more flexible. i think i wouldn't be so understanding of a friend who was remodeling her home and said she didn't have enough money to go to my wedding. if my wedding were in a foreign country, it would be different, but the wedding isn't really that far away from you. can you ask your friend if there are other people you could share a hotel room with? you could also give a less expensive gift since you have to pay so much for travel.

[wendalah]

Personally, I think you should talk to her NOW about your worries about the timing - tell her you'll request the day off as soon as she picks a date, but you can't guarantee anything.

This is totally sensible advice. She'll understand if it's a work issue. If you can swing a half-day with work (how long is your plane ride?) then I also agree with other posters who suggested borrowing a dress, buying a less expensive gift because of travel expenses, sharing a room with other guests, etc.

[Amuse Bouche]

I just want to say I totally sympathize. We're missing the wedding of someone who was in our wedding party, but she lives in NYC (we live in CA) and she's having it on a Wednesday. Ordinarily we'd both just take the time off, but that's DH's first week of work at an internship which will (hopefully) lead directly to a full time job after graduation, and there's no way he could miss the entire first week (it's the Wednesday after Memorial Day, and we'd have to fly on Tuesday and back on Thursday - it's really a full day of travel, so he'd only be there on Friday and miss all the orientation, which is super important). It's a sucky situation to be in -- we feel really bad about it, and are trying to make up for it by sending a much more extravagant wedding gift than we would ordinarily (since we won't be spending as much $$ on plane tickets, etc.) and DH is going to try to visit them at some point this summer (I would go to, but I'm pregnant, and flying is going to be out of the question by the time he is able to go (after his internship)).

It doesn't make us bad friends or selfish people; the logistics are simply impossible.

[BTB]

Honestly, you can make this work if you want to.

Financially, others have had great ideas. Stay the night with a relative or friend of hers, I'm sure she'd help you arrange this. Borrow a dress or buy one on consignment, or even from Goodwill (don't knock it without looking!) Like wendalah said, you might even manage with a half-day off work, depending on what time the wedding is.

Timewise, you could slow down your renovating just a bit, and maybe you'll get new closet doors in March instead of September. That would free up money, and maybe even a day off. You could see if DH can be with the contractors during the day. You could change your mind about having to be there when contractors are working. Or maybe there's a way to preserve your vacation day while still taking time off - maybe by working evenings the rest of that week too.

So the bottom line is, I don't think this is "undoable" at all. Inconvenient, absolutely. Personally, I think Friday weddings are a PITA. But your friend is right that people who want to be there, will be. It comes down to choices. I imagine your friend will be really hurt if you're not there, and that can hang over a friendship forever. Since this is chitchat and not emotional support, I'll give you my honest opinion: I think you'll be happier in the short run if you skip the wedding, but I think you'll be happier in the long run if you go.

[LLB0526]

I agree with BTB. And I think if you decide not to go, you have to be prepared for the consequences. Whether you think it's right or not, your friend is likely to be really hurt and your friendship is likely to suffer.

I have to agree with others that you have to talk to her now and I think you should emphasize the difficulty with taking off a day from work (though there are people who just can't fathom that you couldn't take a day off for a wedding). You can tell her you think it's going to be a financial hardship and see if she has any suggestions for ways to attend on a budget, but I wouldn't talk too much about the house stuff, because I know it would bother me if a close friend told me that new closet doors were a bigger priority than attending my wedding.

[amew]

We are planning on going to at least five out-of-state weddings this year (been to 2 already, tickets are booked for a June wedding, and we'll make every effort to go to 2 more this winter/fall). For close friends, we feel compelled to make every effort to get to the wedding, which is why we keep going, despite the fact that work has been beyond insane, I'm 6 mos. pregnant and travel is getting pretty uncomfortable, and it's getting freaking expensive.

If you really can't go, then your friend will understand. But if you can make it work, I would. I once missed a close friend's wedding that I really could have made it to, and I have always regretted it. But I have never regretted sacrificing vacation time, pulling an all-nighter to catch up on work so I can make it out-of-town, or buying a painfully expensive plane ticket to attend the wedding of a really close friend.

[am_81]

If it was my really good friend, I would go. I don't find any weddings "fun", honestly, but I make every effort to go for our really good friends no matter how far, how much $ or inconvenience they cause us. It is important to them, so it is important to us. Though I realize not everyone will share that sentiment.

Ditto that. If a good friend of mine were getting married, I would do anything and everything to be there.

[AmyE]

Ok, I'm going to take the opposite view here. I would have been HORRIFIED if my close friends had had to make such sacrifies to be at my wedding. Even if someone like a college roomate - friend for 20 years, etc, couldn't make it due to work or money, I would have understood. I would not have wanted someone to lose one of only five remaining vacation days, or be financially stretched.

But then, despite having a wedding with the whole kit and kaboodle - bridesmaids, flowers, big reception, favors, etc etc, I figured it was ONE DAY. The wedding was supposed to be a big party where folks had fun, and it would not have been fun if people were there but worried about how much it had cost them. THey could celebrate our marriage later - cheesy letter, homemade dinner next time we saw them, etc.

IF the friends were close, I would look at their X years of friendship and love, and not if they had been there for what was only 4 hours of my life, no mater how important those 4 hours were to me. I'm sure they would have been their in spirit. (ANd some of DH"s closest friends couldn't make it -we just had a nice dinner with them a few months later.)

ALSO, frankly, our reception was getting pretty expensive, and the friends who couldn't make it and TOLD us ahead of time meant we could save the money or invite other folks of the parent's list. One of my closest college friends, with his wife, decided the week before that they couldn't come, and I ended up having to pay for their meals. I understood why he couldn' t come, but am still bitter about the late notice.

TALK to your friend immediately. She might totally understand, not be at all offended by your circumstances, and frankly be a bit relieved that no matter how much you love her, she now has an extra $200 to spend on a guest from List B to get her mother off her back or that she can put to other uses.

If she's offended that you're not coming due to lack of vacation days or money, I don't think she's that much of a friend, and leaning toward the Bridezilla side of the aisle.

A wedding does not a marriage make. Or a friendship. Just my 3 cents.

[kalogrias]

Like a PP said, I'm a bit torn on this issue.

On the one hand, I agree with a lot that AmyE had to say -- I wouldn't want a friend of mine to have to do something that he or she found really uncomfortable in order to go to my wedding (like going into debt, missing an important meeting, taking LWOP, travelling a long way with small children, etc). Not worth it, and the friend wouldn't enjoy the wedding in that case anyway.

But, the flip side is that, if a really good friend of mine couldn't make the wedding because it was an inconvenience for her (and I knew that), I'd be hurt.

Because it sounds like this is more of an incovenience to you than something that would make you extremely uncomfortable, I think you should make the time to go to your friend's wedding. She's someone who is obviously important to you, and this is obviously important to her. Have your DH be home for the contractors (as one PP suggested) or hold of on some repairs until your vacation time re-ups. Wear a dress/dressy pants and shoes you already own -- if you make it to the wedding, I can't imagine the bride would give two hoots what you were wearing as long as you are clothed.

Maybe I'm being unfair, so I will say, as a disclaimer, that my view on this is very jaded because I am flying from Korea to London in under a month to be at a very good friends wedding (it's been horrendously incovenient, and it will be quite expensive as well). I saved the time off work and the money in order to do so. Has it sucked? Yeah, it has. It's meant having to do without some stuff that I want -- new clothes for work, a weekend away for DH and I, a little less in savings -- and some things I consider really important -- DH can't go to my Dad's 70th birthday party with me (it's in Israel, and we can't afford both trips, and we'd already committed to going to the wedding when we found out about the party) -- but so be it. She would have understood if I wouldn't have been able to make it, but both of us would have been pretty disappointed (she came from London to NYC for my wedding) because we're important to each other.

[PinkMartini]

Ok, I'm going to take the opposite view here. I would have been HORRIFIED if my close friends had had to make such sacrifies to be at my wedding. Even if someone like a college roomate - friend for 20 years, etc, couldn't make it due to work or money, I would have understood. I would not have wanted someone to lose one of only five remaining vacation days, or be financially stretched.

ITA! Hell, my DH's parents didn't even make it to our wedding :rolleyes:

[rileyandfredsmom]

Thank you everyone for your responses. I am a very selfish person so it is good to hear other people's points of view on the situation.

I'm still conflicted and I guess it has something to do with my own wedding. Hearing you ladies talk about all you go through to be at friend's weddings made me realize why my attitude might be a little jaded. I had 8 guests at my wedding, on my side it was my Mom, Dad and sister, on my husband's side it was four of his male friends and the wife of one of his male friends. None of my friends traveled to my wedding, none of my relatives traveled to be at my wedding and in the end, I was still married. When it was over I realized how unimportant the day really is from a broad view....my DH and I are married and that matters mostly to us, sure our friends are happy for us but why did I expect everyone to take time out of their life to come spend a couple of hours with us? My family is happy for us and sent us their love, but whether or not they were there the end result is the same.

I haven't talked to her yet....she was busy getting ready for the bridal shower of someone else today so it really wasn't a good time.

let me ask you ladies this, if one of your friends told you they couldn't come to your out of town wedding but still planned a local shower for you, a local bachelorette party and was a part of all the planning, would you still hold a grudge?

[PinkMartini]

Whoa rileyandfredsmom sounds like my wedding! Only all 7 guests were my family...

I agree though, it would've been nice to have DH's family (or even just his parents) there but the end result was we got married, had a nice wedding and life went on...

I wouldn't hold a grudge regardless (like I said before, sometimes you just can't do it), so I can't answer your last question...

[kalogrias]

I wouldn't hold a long-term grudge either way.

Truthfully, as much as I would love it if my friend wanted to be a part of all the planning, would throw me a bridal shower, and would be a part of the local bachelorette party, I would wonder why she wasn't attending my wedding after being such an integral part of the planning. I'd wonder why my wedding wasn't important enough to attend (again, unless it was impossible financially or otherwise), or if something else was going on.

Maybe this is just me, because I didn't want any of the hoopla -- the showers, the bachelorette, etc -- but I would rather that my friend spend her time and energy to come to the actual wedding rather than sinking it all into the pre-wedding events.

[PG-rated]

I wouldn't hold a long-term grudge either way.

Truthfully, as much as I would love it if my friend wanted to be a part of all the planning, would throw me a bridal shower, and would be a part of the local bachelorette party, I would wonder why she wasn't attending my wedding after being such an integral part of the planning. I'd wonder why my wedding wasn't important enough to attend (again, unless it was impossible financially or otherwise), or if something else was going on.
I'd feel the same way, but I wouldn't hold a grudge regardless. A couple of family members skipped my wedding for reasons that I know other family members thought were frivolous, but I still understood. And I know that if it came down to money, I'd certainly rather my friend choose to spend her money on travel to the wedding instead of hosting a shower.

[Sin Nombre]

Ok, I'm going to take the opposite view here. I would have been HORRIFIED if my close friends had had to make such sacrifies to be at my wedding...A wedding does not a marriage make. Or a friendship. Just my 3 cents.

I'm with AmyE; I didn't expect anyone who would experience true hardship (of any type) to attend our wedding. My feeling was that I would not have any expectation of anyone invited/attending who lived far enough away to require a plane ride -- if they decided to come, I viewed it as a delight and a gift.

As far as I'm concerned, a wedding is ONE day. I wouldn't expect someone to give up, say, 3 vacation days (unless they clearly wanted to) to travel to and from my wedding; let alone deal with the expense and other logistical details. It's not like they're driving 3 hours. And if I got the impression that a friend considered it an obligation for me to attend in these circumstances, well, that might be a friendship I'd want to reconsider.

[pocket]

I'm afraid I would and do hold a grudge. A friend who was supposed to be in my wedding told me that she wouldn't be able to come because she had to focus on her writing. i honestly have never forgiven her completely. it's not pretty, but it's the truth. to me, that reason wasn't good enough.

[laura]

Well if you plan a shower and a bachelorette, to me that says it is not a financial issue for you. To me it seems like overcompensation for not wanting to make the effort to attend the wedding.

I agree your friend will be married whether you were there or not, but to me that just isn't the point. I actually agree w/ others who said they wouldn't want to know their friend had extreme difficult/financial strain/etc just to be at their wedding, but as a good friend, I feel that isn't a reason not to go, it's a reason to not tell the bride how much stress going to her wedding is causing you. We have flown all over the country in the last 5 years attending many weddings for close friends and family, and never at any point have we shared w/ any of the couples what a PITA it was for us due to timing, money, sheer aggravation at not being able to get there w/ less than 3 flights, etc. We shut up, suck it up, and go b/c to us it is important for us to share the day with our friends. If it isn't important to you, you are certainly entitled to that opinion, but the more you write it seems less like you CAN'T attend and more like you just don't want to make the effort.

FWIW - I no longer speak to one of my brothers b/c he ditched my out of town (for him) wedding w/ no good reason. The issue is more complicated than that, of course, but that is what started our now 5 year estrangement. So take my opinion w/ a grain of salt.

[kindermom]

Been there done that with my best friend from college. She was not only getting married out of state, she was getting married in college town, the weekend before college started, in a small new england town that had a small airport (read expensive to fly into). I had just gotten married (and paid for the wedding ourselves) and were saving to buy a house in an overpriced market. DH and I made little money. It tore me up and I did not make a decision either way until about 2 weeks prior. She knew how much it ate me up. I went. Everyone told me that it was doable if I sacrificed. Everyone said I would regret not going. She said no gift was needed if I could just come.

I am glad I went only to know that I did not need to go. While I do not regret going, I now know that it was not neccessary. I would have much rather have sent a nice gift to her and her H (no D for him) and sent them many well wishes. Instead I was bitter about having to make the decision. Not bitter at her but at the decision.

Whatever you do, I know it is a tough decision! Good luck.

[brenda]

It sounds like going to this wedding equals nothing but stress and aggravation for you. It is difficult both financially and professionally. I would hate to think that any of our wedding guests had to sacrifice or feel uncomfortable and be stressed about attending a party that I was hosting.

I would discuss your difficulties with the bride. I don't really agree with the "Those who want to attend will," philosophy. Having a wedding on a weekday at an out of town location means accepting that many guests will not be able to attend.

If I had a friend who told me she wouldn't be able to attend my out-of-town, inconveniently scheduled wedding, but would do everything in her power to celebrate before, I'd be thrilled.

In my opinion, making guests sacrifice to attend your wedding is selfish. Making invitees feel bad because they decide that attending a wedding is too disruptive to their lives is selfish. Regardless of what the bridal industry tries to feed us, it isn't all about you just because you're getting married.

I see no reason to martyr yourself on the altar of wedding ettiquette. There is no ettiquette rule that says you must attend every event to which you are invited. Continue being a friend, explain how difficult it is to get away, give a generous gift and get on with your life.

[Belle]

If you really don't see being able to attend, then be up front with her about it and make sure you're accepting of her reaction. You can be supportive and interested, remain a good friend to her between now and then.

If she had things all lined up and then picked up and moved the venue, is uncertain about dates and all, she should be able to understand that it might not be feasible for folks to adjust their calendars. I would think if she's as good a friend to you as you are to her, then you should be all right with whatever decision is made.

I know that there will be very few of my friends at my out-of-state wedding. In fact, my brother hems and haws about attending, and I honestly will be shocked if he and his wife manage to make it. On the other hand, they're managing to travel and vacation and attend out-of-state weddings of friends, so there's something else going on. Maybe it will be the beginning of another 5-year estrangement, as was mentioned by another poster here...

Good luck and I hope it all works out nicely for all involved.

[artist]

I agree with those who have said they would be horrified to think their guests would have to do all of that to attend a wedding and that a bride is selfish to expect all of that.

I was not one bit offended that some of my friends could not attend for financial or other reasons. I focused on the fact that although it would be great to have them there, in the end it did not make one damned bit of difference WHO showed up other than the groom, the officiant, and myself.

I WAS on the other hand a little pissed at anyone who SAID they were coming and then completely flaked out on the whole thing, oddly enough usually the same people whose invitations say "and guest" and they assume that means they should be allowed to bring about six or seven guests or maybe even your ex-boyfriend AND stay in YOUR apartment with your groom the night before your wedding! :rolleyes: (I was secretly GLAD when that friend and those guests ended up NOT being able to attend after all. That friend called about three days before the wedding and was incredibly rude to me on the phone, on a phone call I was paying the long distance for!) It was really interesting when that same friend DEMANDED that I HAD to be IN her out of state wedding. I tried to explain I just couldn't do it. Of course, she found a ride for me and everything, so I DID actually end up going. What's really annoying though is that she not only NEVER gave me a wedding gift or even a damned congratulations card, she never THANKED me for the wedding gift I gave HER, let alone the fact that it was quite the ordeal to GET to HER wedding!

I was also mad/hurt that one of my closest friends who lives in the same city as I do never did quite make it to the wedding even though she SAID she would. (Her sister, my other friend, also was unable to attend BECAUSE this friend was supposed to be the ride for both of them. Her sister was really pissed about missing the wedding.) The reason she couldn't attend? She was at some stupid overrated hippie dippie outdoor music festival, I am guessing smoked a LITTLE too much weed or something, and claims she got "lost" while driving. Uh huh. Whatever. There is this thing called Mapquest and also planning ahead! Or maybe considering your friend's wedding more important than some stupid drug infested hippie colony overrated jam bad festival.

BUT...I most definitely would NOT be insulted/offended if someone could not attend (and R.S.V.P.ed before the requested R.S.V.P. date). Sometimes people are financially strapped or can't get out of work. Heck, a lot of people can't get out of work to attend their own relative's funeral, let alone a close friend's wedding!