Obsessing on what to do with program

[Atlanta_eBride]

OK, here is my delima. I'm figuring about 50-75 people actually coming to the wedding (very pleased with the size). Two years ago I converted to Catholocism and we have decided on having a Catholic Mass (minus one reading per the Priest's suggestion). David's family will total 8 people who are all Catholic. Mine...there are NO Catholics - they are a mixed bag all stemming from Southern Baptist on my mom's side - oh how much fun we will have - liquor, dancing, and crucifixes. I can think at most of about 5 other people who are Catholic. If we only have 50 people that's a fourth of the congregation. My concern is how are people going to know what to do?

I am probably being a little over dramatic here but it really made me think while at church yesterday (and after an earlier post). Do I just put the order of mass in our program and just forget about people not responding during the service? It's not so much that I feel everyone needs to participate. (My father will probably politely do the "Catholic Calisthenics" but not utter a word because he is agnostic, my grandmother will just be in utter shock - my mother is bringing smelling salts, my sister and brother in law may or may not show up but either way are now Buhdist, and the best man is Jewish.) But what if someone wants to but doesn't know what to do? Am I making myself crazy over nothing? I feel like I need to make a 12-page program to have when to say what and when to sit, stand, or kneel.

Any thoughts, suggestions, or answers? Or should I not bear the Bridezilla mark and move on to something else?

[maplekitty]

I'm Catholic, and have been to many Catholic wedding...and honestly, *I* still don't always know what to do during the ceremony. However, I think you need to give your guests the benefit of the doubt and trust that they can follow along and will figure out what to do. People start kneeling...so they'll kneel. It would be very nice of you to do a fully-explanatory 12 page program, but I don't think that's really needed. There are som parts to the wedding that need a reponse, like the responsorial psalm...and people like to read along with those, so put that in. But don't feel it necessary to put in *everything*. If an "Amen" is needed, your guests will get it quickly enough and join in without needing to read it.

Maybe you can ask your priest, or the church co-ordinator if there are some left-over programs from other wedding to give you an idea what other people have done. But don't stress out...your guest will have a lovely time and enjoy your wedding whether they know what to do or not.

[PG-rated]

Many churches now require the couple to have the program approved by the priest - at least, ours did. I'd start with your priest and see what he says. Ours gave hand signals during the Mass to let people know when to stand or sit, which worked well. The Catholics will know when to kneel, and non-Catholics don't have to kneel, so that shouldn't be a problem.
As for people responding, I put the music for the sung responses in, and figured that people could make their own decisions. If you decide to put ALL the responses in, ask your priest for the best way to do this, so that you don't end up with a 20-page program.
And above all, don't worry about it too much. :) Your FH's family will be up front, and people will take cues from them.

[LRL]

I think it might be a nice gesture (and highly appreciated) for you to make a program for your guests, but not necessary. Our wedding was about the same size as yours, and we made programs that were based on a book called "Your Catholic Wedding" by Chris Aridas, which I picked up from the local bookstore. It actually has a really good example of a full program that I think you could easily copy for your programs. (Book has a great overview of the nuptial service/mass, and would be great for you since you recently completed RCIA- you might want to keep in mind that the priest has written it from a conservative Catholic viewpoint).

I have to tell you that our wedding guests were also from different religious backgrounds and that they really did happen to follow along with the program. If anything, DH and I figured that they would follow along with the Catholics who were making responses, kneeling, etc. and they mostly did. Not everyone knelt when they were supposed to, or said the prayers, but they were all very respectful of the service (we did a full mass) and I thought it turned out really well. Seriously, I think that the mass would have been the same had we not had programs.

I hope this helps a little- try not to worry about it too much . Remember, you will not remember/care whether people were able to follow along or not, and they will not feel uncomfortable as guests. They are coming to your wedding knowing that they will attend a Catholic ceremony, and have probably prepared themselves for being in unfamiliar territory anyhow.

[Chimichanga]

I wrote absolutely every word out.

I have always liked to follow along/read with the service. Most of DH's family is Lutheran (and some of my family). While the service is basically the same, there are some differences.

I put when to stand, when to kneel, when to sit. I wrote out all of the readings (both what the priest said and what was read). I put how Catholics should line up for communion (some churches line up differently).

I told my priest what I was doing and he was very pleased. I just like having everything listed (plus it's another great reminder of the day when I read it).

It didn't take that much work either. It was a thicker program; maybe 8 pages total. But, I've always liked the programs with more substance.

[LadyD088]

We were just recently at a Catholic wedding. Basically the priest told us when to stand, sit or kneel. Maybe you could ask your priest to make those directions for you. Honestly, I think it would help you two as well. Being caught up in the moment of the day and all, you might forget what to do when. Just a thought. Good luck.

Deb

[Squee]

WEre havinga catholic wedding aswell. Although my family is not catholic and DFs is. His mum wanted us to have comunion but I didnt want to have it as all of my family would be left out of the ceremony so we have come to a compromise and DF and I will be having it and no one else. Other than that we will have a program with all of the prayors, hymns and where there need be a reply we have put what it is and when to say it. Its still only two pages tho, even with most things written out.

[Atlanta_eBride]

Thanks ladies for all your input!

The priest will make motions as to when to sit and stand. I think I am going to put quite a bit of info in a program but not be too overwhelming. The good thing being that David's family will be in the front and that will help people know too. I'm not going to stress too much about it because it will happen however it does.