Anyone with older kids? [Archive]

Neen

06-28-2005, 09:39 AM

I hate it when I get the "oh, okay" from my daughter! AHHHHHHHHHHH!! Lets' be a little more enthusiastic here!! We gave her the choice to go to camp or do drivers ed. She chose drivers ed. (they cost the same, so she could only do one!)

Do any of you have problems getting your kids to go outside and do things? My younger 2 are outside all the time (exept when it's in the 90's likes it's been). But my DD doesnt' want to go outside. She's happy to sit in her room and play games or read (which is fine too). She has friends and chats online with them several times a day. But it drives me crazy that she won't go outside! Heck, at her age, I was running the neighborhood with my friends.

Ok, so should I change the name of this tread to "parents with teens and pre'teens"?

alex67

06-28-2005, 11:38 AM

Thought I'd join the thread. I have an 11 year old daughter who will soon be 12 and am expecting child #2 in August! Talk about an age difference.

My daughter is changing often these days. She has her emotional moments (hormones) but at other times still acts like a little kid, then will turn around the next moment and start taking on more responsibility. She is mouthy at times, but easily brought back down to earth. She is starting a new school this next year and is very anxious about it, new friends and environment.

camberne

06-28-2005, 11:43 AM

Yeah, "Parents With Pre-Teens & Teens" would be good!!

My son, last week before I took him to camp, sat on his butt all week watching TV and playing PS2. I got on him to walk the dog a few times, but he didn't even go to the community pool all week - which was hot as heck! Even when he goes down to play with his friends, they're 90% of the time going inside to play video games. We have a great area to play outside in, too... golf course community, so it has great yard areas to put up croquet or badminton and stuff.

nicole8040

06-29-2005, 03:22 AM

I have to BEG my son to go outside. All he does is read and play PS2 too. I'm all for the reading but the video games (while they save my sanity sometimes) are getting on my nerves. I give him the "when I was your age" speech and he looks at me like I have two heads.

katzmeow671

06-29-2005, 06:46 AM

Well she's not quite a preteen yet but I have a 7 1/2 year old who can definitely throw some major "tude". ;) Can I stick around to pick up helpful hints??

camberne

06-29-2005, 07:09 AM

alex67 - my sister and I are 12 years apart!! She's the oldest and I'm the youngest of 4 (not counting the step-siblings). I'm actually closer in age to her older daughter who's only 9 years younger than me. We hardly knew each other growing up, but now we're great friends!! As a matter of fact, I'm going to pick her up from the airport this afternoon and we're going to go to dinner together. :)

bunnyboo

06-29-2005, 07:55 AM

Is my son too young to join this thread??? He'll be 8 this year and he swears he's going on 21! My son also doesn't like to play outside. He wants to be on the PS2 or wants to watch TV. We just moved to a new area so we don't know that many neighbors...but I wish he would go out and play more often.

I am glad this thread was started! I always *lurk* in the other parenting threads, but feel like I am so outdated :p over there!

Alex 67 - how has your daughter reacted with knowing she will have a sibling after being an only child for so long? I often think about this as I know that is probably around the age difference my two will be once I get prego again. I am sure she will be a big help once the baby comes! Congrats by the way!

Witty Username

06-29-2005, 08:00 AM

Can a stepmom join this thread? My stepdaughter is 14, and thankfully, we get along just great. She has become pretty moody, more so with me than my husband and her mother gets the majority.

She is definitely in the watch t.v. all day and not go outside phase as well. Just how many times can you watch Full House reruns and VH1's "Best Week Ever"? She also seems to be in stealth mode, if we're downtairs, she's upstairs and vice versa. I caught a glimpse of her walking down the steps on day and I swear she was tip toeing so the old creaky stairs didn't give away her destination. Which was to make herself lunch. :rolleyes: But I remember doing some of the exact same things as a teenager, sometimes you just don't feel like talking.

The good thing is she'll willingly go with you to run errands, spend a week at her aunts house, help her grandmother, play cards or a board game, but only if we suggest it.

alex67 & camberne - My oldest sister and I are also 12 years apart. I'm the youngest of 4 girls, and my nieces and I are great friends.

alex67

06-29-2005, 08:14 AM

Camberne & Witty - Thanks for sharing your stories. I am really hoping to find ways to keep my daughter and her little brother close. It will be so difficult since she will probably be going off to college around the time he is getting settled into elementary school. I am hopeful though!

bunnyboo - Things have really been wonderful! My daughter is super excited about the baby coming. She has helped plan the nursery, shop for everything, throw the shower, pick out names, etc. I wanted her involved in every aspect she wanted to be involved in. She has also helped a lot around the house since I am not so quick on my feet anymore. I know she will continue to be a huge help after the baby arrives but DH and I want to be so careful not to make it her obligation. She is not having a baby, we are and she still needs to have her life with her friends without being obligated to watch the baby everyday at whatever time after school. Does that make since? We are just worried she might resent the baby. If she wants to help, great, but as long as she is upholding her regular responsibilities that were set forth before the baby arrived, that is all she is required to do. This really is a learning experience for all of us - we are learning it together.

Neen

06-29-2005, 09:52 AM

I'm glad to hear others are having the issue of their kids not wanting to go outside. I guess she isn't like me as much as I thought!

There are 7 years between my daughter and my first son. It's really hard not to have her be the babysitter all the time. I've learned that if she's going to baby sit, she gets paid for it. Granted, it's not as much, but it helps her not to resent watching her brothers.

She's itching to get a "real" job. Sigh. I'm still on the fence about that one. It might be fine for the summer, but once school starts, NO WAY!

And of course step-parents and those with not yet pre-teens (7-10) are welcome here! I'm not picky!

(ok, and I can't figure out how to change the title of the thread. I thought I just went to the original post and changed it there, but it didn't work. Any suggestions?)

Kristy119

06-29-2005, 10:53 AM

Hi- this is a great thread to start Neen!
My daughter is 10. I don't really have a problem with her wanting to stay inside, actually its the opposite. She always wants to be outside playing, riding her bike, exploring out back in our woods area or whatever. She's sortof a tomboy but not really. She likes to look for frogs and worms and stuff like thatbut she also likes to wear dresses and buy new earrings...
She definately has a mouth on her tho. We are working very hard to curb her mouth. And she thinks she already knows everything so she doens't really think she has to listen to anyone else. If I had a $1 for everytime her teachers told me "Haley is a smart girl and would do better if she would listen and follow directions", I would be a rich woman. :rolleyes:

bunnyboo

06-30-2005, 08:45 AM

So, what are your kids doing for summer vacation?

My son is going to advanced swimming lessons for 2 weeks.
Then to the Boys/Girls Club, they go to the beach, pool and movies/bowling/park every week, he really enjoys this!
Then to visit my dad in Arizona for 2 weeks in August.

graciebella

06-30-2005, 08:56 AM

Thank goodness there's someone to relate! I've got a 13 year old. He's in Fla right now with grandparents, but will be back next week.

I think he practices the blank "I don't know" look in the mirror.

camberne

06-30-2005, 09:09 AM

Mine is at summer camp right now learning how to sail. I pick him up tomorrow, and then take him to the airport on Wednesday to fly to NY to stay with my parents at the summer house for the rest of the summer. He comes back the Sunday before Labor Day... school starts that Tuesday!

graciebella

06-30-2005, 09:28 AM

Do you feel like you are on vacation too with him gone? I love mine to bits but sometimes no Mom Duty is a great thing!

Neen

06-30-2005, 09:29 AM

My oldest is taking drivers ed this summer. She'll start summer band sometime at the end of July into August.

My younger 2 spent a week in North Carolina with their father. They are going camping for 2 nights in July (with me, and I"m not really looking forward to it!!) and then they have Boy Scout Day camp at the end of July.

The rest of the time is spent just hanging around home, going to the pool, and I am really encouraging them to do a lot of reading!!

camberne

06-30-2005, 09:31 AM

Do you feel like you are on vacation too with him gone? I love mine to bits but sometimes no Mom Duty is a great thing!Absolutely!! We can go to movies that are inappropriate for him without having something for him to do, and my husband and I get to run naked around the house!! Well, you know what I mean... we can have sex with the bedroom door open... or anywhere else!! ;)

Neen

06-30-2005, 09:35 AM

Do you feel like you are on vacation too with him gone? I love mine to bits but sometimes no Mom Duty is a great thing!

AMEN TO THAT!! Some people think I'm crazy that I like it when my kids are gone. I don't think they understand. I wouldn't trade them for the world and am always happy when the come home, but heck. Give me and DH some alone time ane we feel like new people!!

we can have sex with the bedroom door open...

We still usually keep ours closed (the dog!), but we can have sex in the living room if we want!!

bunnyboo

06-30-2005, 09:37 AM

naked around the house!! Well, you know what I mean... we can have sex with the bedroom door open... or anywhere else!!

that is a great freedom, isn't it? lol it almost feels like you are being bad or something!! I know when this happens for me...I am still on the "look out"!! :D

I really hope this thread takes off and is here to stay. This would be a great place to come and get advice and suggestions from the parents with older kids!!!

Kristy119

06-30-2005, 10:12 AM

My daughter is in Arizona for the summer visiting her grandparents. :D Although I was very apprehensive about her being gone the whole summer I am glad to some "me" time. Now if I could get my husband to go visit someone for a little while... ;)

alex67

06-30-2005, 11:05 AM

Wow, I'm jealous of all the solo time you ladies get. My daughter will not go stay at a camp overnight at all. And our family is mostly local, so no going off to Grandma's for the summer.

Her summer activities consist of a program called kids' college. Our local junior college offers classes based on specific age groups in three different sessions throughout the summer. They get to register just like college students for the kind of classes they want. They eat in the college caffeteria, basically are treated like college kids and they love it. This summer she is taking Tennis, Kids' Cuisine, Creative Drawing, Environmental Awareness, Outdoor Sports, and The Human Body. Other summers she has taken Web Design, Spanish, Sign Language, etc. It is a great and safe way to keep her mind functioning and get her out with peers, out of the house.

princess1224

06-30-2005, 06:51 PM

Oooh yay, I was scared when you guys started talking of changing it to parents of preteens and teens but there are a few of you with kids in the late single digits and I sure don't fit in with the littl'uns threads.

I am momma/step-momma to three boys, they're 5, 6 and 7. My step sons don't see their mom (she has problems) and my son sees his dad for an overnight every 2-3 weeks. The 5yo is young for his age, but the other two seem to have attitude way beyond their years. I don't have the problem of them not wanting to go out...right now my problem is that I can't let them outside if I have stuff to do because God only knows what the three of them could get into without full supervision.

Anyway, I hope this thread takes off too because I could really use talking to people with kids close to the same age....or have recently been where I am with my kids.

bunnyboo

07-01-2005, 08:41 AM

kadee_29

07-01-2005, 09:02 AM

I have a 7 year old daughter who acts 17. We are in for it next school year because they are implementing uniforms. :rolleyes:

I am jealous of all of you who get time away from your kids. Like some of you have said I wouldnt trade my kids for anything but just a few days without them would be so nice. Heck I think I would even take a few hours of me time right about now. :p

graciebella

07-01-2005, 09:11 AM

I think uniforms will make your mornings easier. We've never had them, but I can imagine it will simplify her choices of what to wear.

Neen

07-01-2005, 09:22 AM

Uniforms are an interesting thing. My kids all attend a private chuch based school (not Catholic). They "attempted" to have a dress code several years ago, but to say the least, the kids kinda over ruled and got some of the rules changed (yes, that would be my oldest childs class). I actuall think it was a good experience for the kids to attempt to get the changes they wanted. They had to draft a proposal, have a petition signed by students and then present their case to he school board. Granted they didn't get everything they wanted, but they were now able to wear flip flops!! Ok, granted their dress code (yes, it went from uniform to dress code) wasn't too strict, basically no blue jeans (only dress pants or skirts for girls) and no t-shirts. Boys shirts must have collars and stuff like that.

Well, towards the end of the school year, all the parents got a letter to get their opinion on the dress code. Looks like they are going to try to go back to the uniform. I don't care, just let me know before I have to go school clothes shopping!!

Uniforms do make it easier on the kids. There is no compition on who has the "better" clothes (who gets their clothes at Wal-Mart compared to Macey's) and it kinda puts everyone on a level playing field.

kadee_29

07-01-2005, 09:55 AM

At first I didnt know about this whole 'uniform' thing but I think it will be easier...on me and my checkbook. But she is so extremely fussy about what she wears I just know she is gonna make mornings worse than what she already does.

I will say that its not a strict uniform but more of a stricter dress code. All shirts have to have collars and they have to be a solid color. Pants can be either khaki, blue or black dress pants. No jeans, no t-shirts, that kind of thing. But I have a tomboy for a daughter who lives in nothing but jeans and t-shirts. Needless to say I have already started getting her prepared for what she has to wear come August.

There is no compition on who has the "better" clothes (who gets their clothes at Wal-Mart compared to Macey's) and it kinda puts everyone on a level playing field. ITA!!

alex67

07-01-2005, 10:05 AM

kadee - My daughter went to uniforms at her public elementary school 2 yrs ago and this next year she starts middle school at a religious private school with a much stricter policy. Our biggest issue was trying to have her look unique, keeping her individualism, while still following the rules. We accomplished this with her shoes or hair mainly. Nothing wild, but just a hair style that wasn't like everyone else's. Or some athletic shoes (that still fit within the rules) but that were different looking. Those small little unique touches made the transition to uniforms easier on my daughter and she didn't focus so much on the icky shirt or pants she was wearing. Good luck! This next year with strict uniforms is going to be an entirely different story though. They really are icky!

Georgiana

07-01-2005, 11:54 AM

I have a 16 year old daughter....

http://images.snapfish.com/3443465923232%7Ffp58%3Dot%3E2328%3D%3A%3A7%3D975%3 DXROQDF%3E2323836328%3B%3A6ot1lsi

She is my only one. I think now it's much harder to raise her than it was when she was younger.In addition, more expensive. Why I think it is harder because she is getting older and It seems that I need to keep more of an eye on her because she is more exposed to all the ills that the world has to offer. Now I am more her life coach than her mom so I can giude her to make the smart decision and not that stupid one... I know that she will make some wrong decisions and I want her to so she can learn how to correct them and learn from them. I am slowly letting her do that and just stand back,let her run her life and intervene when necessary.

She just recently got hired for her first job and I as well as she are so excited. Now it's on to that drivers license and all that other expensive stuff that teens require... :rolleyes: :rolleyes: :rolleyes:

bunnyboo

07-01-2005, 12:04 PM

Georgiana - She's beautiful!! Just from her pic she looks like a fun loving energetic young woman!! Welcome! I am so glad I'm not the only one on CC with a non-newborn/toddler.

Although I have been feeling like a baby isn't a bad idea these days!! :)

Secret_Squirrel

07-01-2005, 12:13 PM

I am so glad this thread is here!

I have two boys who are 7 and nearly 11. The oldest is going into 6th grade next year! His school is K-6 and I'm really glad he's not going into middle school yet. Those kids are like teenagers, but Nick is still a kid at heart (he's getting so responsible, but still plays with his toys) and he loves his TV: cartoons and disaster shows (like the Weather Channel Storm Stories). This year, he and his friends planned a computer game called "Disaster the game." Supposedly, one kid programed the game, but I have yet to see it. But they think they're going to strike it rich.

Nick is so affectionate - he's always giving me hugs and telling me he loves me. He's been diagnosed ADD and really struggles with organization and following along in the classroom. He's got so many ideas in his head - he's always drawing plans for something and building things. His teacher said he was the most creative student he's had. The problem is he works on this stuff in class instead of doing his work. And getting him to do homework is a huge PITA.

Cameron is my 7 year old and very "smooth." He's a born charmer and always has a fan club of girls in each class. But for all that charm, he gets really shy in school and it takes him awhile to warm up. Cam is affectionate, too, but sometimes he tries to manipulate with it. He is the mouthy-er one of the two, but he's been pretty good lately. Cam adores animals and babies - he has a 18 mo old cousin he is sooo good with. Cam loves video games and playing outside.

The boys are babysat at grandma's most of the summer, but they start a 3 week Art, Drama and Science day camp on the 11th. It's the first time they've done a long summer camp.

I was married again this Fall, and they get along great with their step-dad. He's really good with them.

bciob22

07-01-2005, 06:36 PM

I have 2 daughters 14(well in3 weeks) and 7 and a son nearly 11.

My oldest is hearing impaired and kind of stuggles in school. My 11 y.o. is a genius(literelly) and my 7 y.o. "goes to school 'cuz her friends are there"

I too am glad there is a thread for older kids.

princess1224

07-01-2005, 09:46 PM

WOW princess1224 you must have your hands full with those boys!! Its almost like having triplets I would imagine! What grades are they in? What do they do during the summer time? Glad you made it over here...I have a 7 year old boy so I defintely dont fit in the new momma threads!

Yes, they totally feel like triplets sometimes. Everything one does they all want to do...and because kids have normal variations in their development there's some they don't have a normal progression of the oldest doing things first....he's only 19 months older than the youngest and there are things that he is the least ready for. :rolleyes:

They won't be doing much this summer. We just got married last week so that sucked up all our money, no summer camp for them this year. Their school, which is only 2 blocks away, has a pool and a parks leader there all summer so we will most likely be going up there a lot. And lots of trips to the library, the two older ones can join the summer reading program (the youngest doesn't read yet). They won't be going away anywhere for longer than one night here and there.

Here's my boys: Brad 6, Logan 5, Coleman 7
http://im1.shutterfly.com/procserv/47b5d808b3127cce92c3d2ec970f00000016109AYs27Fk2b-

KristyK

07-02-2005, 08:16 AM

Geez, work is making me fall behind the loop!! I missed this thread too!

I have a 15 year old son. He's very quiet and wants to do nothing but play nintendo all day. He's never really had any close friends, because we never lived anywhere that we had neighbors his age. This year, we were lucky enough that he has a new friend, who's a grade younger (same age tho), and they are very much alike, both only children, love games, quiet, well-behaved, all those "good" traits we look for in children! LOL

For summer vacations, I was lucky when he was younger that I had lots of things for him to do, from summer camp for Boy/Cub Scouts to bible camps, and bible schools. Most of them end at the 6th grade mark, which really peeved me. But, where I work I can bring him with me. I also had my mom close by, he could go and spend a month with her in the summer. Hopefully he'll be able to do that again this summer, we'll see!

At his age, my son is very immature, mostly my fault for being so strict, and paranoid. He's also not responsible enough to be left at home alone by himself, so, he still goes to work with me. But, everyone at work loves him, and he helps immensely with anything the maintenance man or the housekeeping supervisor need him to do. He spent most of last week and this week helping them move another staff member, and he loved it! He's always a good helper around the house, when you tell him what to do, because he definitely won't take on any responsibility himself. A full trash can...oh, that's full?? That's how he "doesn't" see it.

As for school. We struggled through all of middle school. He's ADHD and just plain didn't care whether he did school work. He also turned into a habitual liar through school and not sure how to fix that, but it's continued into high school. We fought, fussed, yelled, etc, and not a single thing went through his brain, he's just very non-chalant about it. I just got his final report card, and he's going to have to take freshmen science again, he flunked it. Yet, everyday after school I drill him, what they did in each class, why isn't there homework, etc. He never wavers and can spout exactly what they did everyday in every class. I don't know, but he knows exactly what he needs to do to pass, and he knows it's on him, because when he's 18, he's out the door.

So anyway, glad this thread was started. I love my son to death, but glad when he's gone for a bit, because we too like having that time alone!! :D

Kristy

Georgiana

07-02-2005, 02:47 PM

devil_kitty_1

07-03-2005, 08:42 AM

We're raising our 11 y/o nephew. So far in the last few weeks we've discovered armpit hair and jock itch. OY! He's been with us for a little over 2 years and I am SOOOO not ready for this puberty stuff!

suzubeane

07-03-2005, 08:59 AM

We're raising our 11 y/o nephew. So far in the last few weeks we've discovered armpit hair and jock itch. OY! Wow! That's young! My 16 year-old son does not seem to have any under-arm hair. I don't think he'd tell me about jock itch, but then again, I doubt he'd suffer in silence. ;).

For those of you with Pre-teen girls, I heartily recommend this book:

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/1557045658.01._AA240_SCLZZZZZZZ_.jpg

Ready, Set, Grow!: A What's Happening to My Body? Book for Younger Girls
by Lynda Madaras, Linda Davick (Illustrator)

Editorial Reviews
From School Library Journal
Grade 3-6-With girls reaching puberty at younger and younger ages, Ready, Set, Grow! is a timely and important book. In a consistently sensitive and encouraging tone, Madaras reassures preadolescents that the changes they know are approaching or they are beginning to experience are normal, natural, and cause for celebration. Humorous sketches illustrate the emotions and stages of puberty, and keep the tone light. Individual chapters devoted to breast development, body hair, height and weight spurts, body odor and pimples, genitalia, internal reproductive organs, and menstruation gently but thoroughly provide facts and advice on recognizing and welcoming growth and development. The author weaves in a little humor and acknowledges the conflicting emotions that accompany puberty. Quotes and questions from girls she meets in her travels and correspondence are included, giving voice to the uncertainties in a reader's own mind. "What's Up Down There? A Look at Your Private Parts" is a particularly on-target chapter, taking readers on a tour of their own genitalia with the help of a mirror, identifying each part of their sex organs. Madaras's earlier "What's Happening" books, written for older readers, include discussions of romantic feelings and dealing with unwanted sexual attention. Laurie Krasny Brown's What's the Big Secret? Talking about Sex with Girls and Boys (Little, Brown, 1997) takes a humorous approach to explaining intercourse as well as puberty to boys and girls.
Joyce Adams Burner, Hillcrest Library, Prairie Village, KS

From Booklist
Gr. 2-5. In her revised edition of The What's Happening to My Body? Book for Girls (2001), Madaras notes that girls are reaching puberty at a younger age than in the past. In this small, square volume, Madaras offers a spin-off guide directed to the youngest girls who are anticipating or undergoing the body's first changes. Goofy cartoons illustrate the upbeat, reassuring chapters about menstruation, breast development, and the reproductive organs as well as grooming issues, such as skin care, body odor, and shaving. There are medical tips just for the girls in this age group, who, for example, need to treat cramps differently from older young women or adults. The short chapter about sexual harassment is somewhat vague, but it offers solid advice in firm language: "Don't accept excuses like 'Boys will be boys.'" Parents and kids seeking information about sex and birth control will need to consult another guide, but this one is a friendly, accessible introduction to puberty that young girls can read alone, not just with parents. Gillian Engberg

devil_kitty_1

07-03-2005, 09:03 AM

Wow! That's young! My 16 year-old son does not seem to have any under-arm hair. I don't think he'd tell me about jock itch, but then again, I doubt he'd suffer in silence. ;).

LOL! He was VERY excited to see the hair and even keeps me informed as it gets longer :p . The jock itch thing was referred immediately to my hubby!

KristyK

07-03-2005, 09:47 AM

devil_kitty_1

07-03-2005, 10:08 AM

LOL, Kristy!

TJ's worn deodorant since he came to live with us when he was 9. We've had to remind him to put it on, but now he's in the habit of wearing it all the time. He learned the hard way, after taking a shower before bed and not putting it on and having to take another shower the next morning to get rid of the stink, that he NEEEEEEDS to wear it!

princess1224

07-03-2005, 05:11 PM

My son has had hair since he was about 11 also. He also has been wearing deodorant since the age of 7, because he has the stinkiest pits ever!!! :eek: I know, TMI, but if any of you have ever seen the Seinfeld episode where the valet parks Jerry's car, and stinks up the car so bad the smell gets into Elaines hair and she can't wash it out, and Jerry has to get rid of the car, because nothing is getting rid of the smell, that's what my son's BO is like! He knows he has to put on deodorant every single morning, and I make sure I remind him!

I'm to the point now, where I make sure I knock on my sons door before I open it. Yep, you know why! LOL I don't want to deal with that stuff either, but I do, and as long as he's in his own room, to each his own! :D

Kristy

LOL, I almost sprayed my coffee over that. Our 5yo sweats major and gets a raw meat smell to him. It never occured to me to have him wear anti-perpirant but I think he'll be wearing it by the time he's 7 too.

If anyone knows any books like suzubeane recommended - only for boys I'd love to hear about it. I always like to read up on what's in store. :eek:

Georgiana

07-03-2005, 05:58 PM

I think it is the puberty thing that they are going through that makes their stink go into overdrive... I had to switch my daughter's deodorant to one that has this aluminum-something-another in it to get rid of her underarm odor.

I would suggest that all kids shower with a deodorizing shower gel or soap. It helps. Dial Soap and Lever 2000 are pretty good.

Another issue with my daughter is her periods. She rarely has them. She started when she was 10 and did not have another one until she was about 13 then just recently she had another one few months ago and just recently started again... A few years back our family doctor told us that it is not unusual for girls to do this and since she is very active in sports, this will continue... I am considering taking her to a gyno that specializes in pediatric gyno so we can at least regulate them.

camberne

07-05-2005, 06:14 PM

My son can join the stinker club!! Geez!! I've told him all about the stinky boy in my second grade class, Chris G. I keep telling him that he doesn't want to be his classmates' "Chris G" that they'll be talking about 25 years later that he was so stinky!! He's gotten much better about using deodorant (gosh that Axe stuff stinks, but it's better than BO), and I've drummed into him that showers feel good every day. We're still fighting that one, but every other day isn't too bad. He goes to NY with my parents during the summer and they're always at the beach. So he gets into the bad habit of not showering every day because he's always in the water. Again, I drum into his head that a shower to rinse off the salt of the ocean isn't a bad thing either.

Secret_Squirrel

07-06-2005, 02:03 PM

My 10 year old son is so "unique!"

This 4th of July, we're lighting the firworks and he is wearing
1) toy goggles - so the smoke doesn't get in his eyes
2) gloves - so he doesn't get burned
3) a white respirator - so he doesn't inhale the smoke
4) earphones - to muffle the noise.

When I asked him why he was wearing all that stuff, he said: "I'm very sensitive to smoke and loud noises." He looked hilarious, but I couldn't fault his reasoning. To each their own, I guess.

KristyK

07-06-2005, 06:35 PM

Ok mothers of stinky's, I guess we know our kids aren't different! The worst time we had of it, and this was the clinker.... We used to let our son go to church with our girlfriend who lead the youth stuff at the base chapel. So, he got very involved, enough that one week he was a candle lighter. Here's my nicely dressed little boy (about 9 at the time, I think), well, we aren't church people, but we picked him up every Sunday after. Anyway, he'd been the candle lighter, which entailed walking up the aisle of the entire church, and then to the alter, to light the candles. He was very excited that day!

So, we go to pick him up about 10am, after church. We had just gotten our new Dodge Ram which has half doors in the back. We get him into the back seat and OMG THE SMELL! It was horrendous, yet, he didn't seem affected. Can we say immune??? Anyway, when we questioned him, yep, he'd smelled like that all through church and all morning, since he left our house. I was never so glad in my life that I didn't actually attend that church! And, he's never left the house again without me asking him if he's got deodorant on!

So, to our lovely pre-teens and teens, what are we going to do with them :D, what fun we have as mom's huh! LOL

Glad that there are others here to share stories with. Most of the girls I work with either have grown children, or little ones!

Kristy

camberne

07-06-2005, 06:43 PM

Secret_Squirrel, I hope you got a picture of your guy in his fireworks gear!! That's a priceless memory!!

bunnyboo

07-07-2005, 09:02 AM

Oh wow, the joys of motherhood and teenage boys!! :eek: :p I guess these are the things I have to look forward to. I haven't smelled BO quite yet, but I am sure its coming! Now if I can only convince my 7 year old that he isn't allergic to the shower water!!! :D :D :rolleyes: ;) I swear he hates taking showers!!

devil_kitty_1

07-07-2005, 10:04 AM

Kristy~ We had a similar experience when we picked our 11 y/o up from camp after spring break. He STUNK. Turned out he hadn't showered since THURSDAY! It was SATURDAY! And it had been warm! My husband was rolling the windows of the van down to keep from gagging, lol. In his defense, it WAS a nature/equine camp and they were outside 99.9% of the time and didn't have ready access to showers everyday. But STILL! Deodorant anyone!?!?

When his 5th grade class went on a class trip to DC/Philly in May the teachers told the kids not to even think of getting on the busses unshowered and/or w/o deodorant.

Oh the joys of preteens/teens!

Secret_Squirrel

07-07-2005, 01:24 PM

Secret_Squirrel, I hope you got a picture of your guy in his fireworks gear!! That's a priceless memory!!

Oh, you can bet I did - several! I told him this is future ammo for me when he's a teenager and doesn't want his friends seeing it, LOL

You know what makes me really steamed? DH told me that one of his co-workers who was over last weekend said that she thought my DS was "weird" and DH should "stamp it out of him" What does she mean by that? He's been their step-dad for only 8 mos now. The nerve! Yes, my son might be unusual, but what's so bad about that? He doesn't curse, he's reliable, kind and not in a hurry to grow up. He's also very creative and inventive.

Her daughter is one grade older than my son and when she came over, she and her friend plopped in front of MTV the whole time watching skanky videos. And her friends tells me: "my sister and brother smoke and drink and party at home all the time. But I don't." My jaw nearly dropped open. Good for him, but that world is so far away from my son's world, where he isn't exposed to any of that. He watches cartoons and holds his nose when we pass smokers in front of a building. I guess I should take it as a good sign that she thinks my kid is "weird" if that's what she considers normal!

Ok, just had to get that off my chest!

snowzilla

07-07-2005, 03:19 PM

Is it too late to join this thread? There was one on the WC for awhile, but it didn't seem to gain any momentum, and that's too bad. (I was aphrodite3899 over there.)

I was so happy to see this pop up! I have a 7 year old daughter and a 9 year old son, both from a previous marriage. I'm currently pregnant with my third (but DH's first) due in August.

I'm going to have to go back and read every page, but I did see a few similarities pop up - my son never wants to go outside - he'd rather play videogames or work on his giant Lego table. But the weird thing is that when he's at his dad's house, he is always outside, riding his bike or playing with friends. The problem is that at his dad's, there are no boundaries as far as where he can go, and here at our house, there are. I'm simply not comfortable letting him have the run of the neighbourhood - the world isn't the same place it was when we were kids, you know? When we used to leave the house in the morning and our parents didn't worry about us as long as we were home before dark?

My son is also one of those kids who balks at the mention of a bath or shower, and it drives me nuts. Especially because once he's IN the bath, he doesn't get out until he's turned into a prune! :rolleyes:

My daughter is the bigger handful of the two of them - she's stubborn and questions EVERYTHING. Someday, she'll be a world leader or a movie star or something incredible, but right now, she's intent on giving me grey hairs (just found another one yesterday). ;)

KristyK

07-07-2005, 05:43 PM

Welcome Snowzilla! LOL at the gray hairs, I think all girls do that to their moms! How do the kids feel about the new baby?? A girl at work just adopted a baby and she's got a 16 year old at home, big transition in their lives there! Oh, and fwiw, my son didn't leave the neighborhood on his bike until last summer, when he turned 14, and he still doesn't really go far.

Squirrel, I think that woman is rude! There is nothing wrong with your son. It actually sounds exactly like something my son would have done! And I'm glad you got pics, can't wait to see them here (at least we hope!) This year we let him light all the fireworks, by himself (with his friend) and we stood and watched and took pics, that was a first!

Kids, they are so much fun! What would we have done to make us laugh without them!

Kristy

mindy

07-08-2005, 07:04 AM

Hi,

They aren't teenagers but figured I would join anyways My daughter Sabrina is 6 and Alexis is 4. Right now Alexis is all into grease she watches it like 3 times a day she wanted me to curl her hair like Sandy's everytime we go to a amusement park and now she wants a Danny Zoko(sp) poster for her room so sometimes I feel like my 4 year old is 15 :D

snowzilla

07-08-2005, 10:07 PM

Hi Kristy - the kids are pretty excited about the baby, which is great. Of course, the downside is that they're both at the age where they think jokes about how "big" I'm getting are pretty darned funny. :rolleyes:

I can't believe how many moms are talking about their sons wearing deodorant at such a young age! I haven't noticed my 9 year old needing it yet, but I guess I'll be watching a little more closely now!

camberne

07-09-2005, 07:10 AM

Well, girls, my son made the flight to NY with no problems... even changing the plane!! I was really glad that Southwest let me go down to the gate with him to be with him until he got on the plane (they did up a dummy pass to get me through security). I was fine and put together until he got on the plane, and then I started to get a little teary-eyed. I just hate that loss of any type of control that goes with the airplane. If I was with him, fine... if mom was with him, fine... but the idea that something *might* happen and no one being with him just really freaked me out right then.

Anyway, he called me as soon as he landed in Baltimore and found the gate that he was going to be flying out of (of course at the other end of the concourse, not a gate or two down) and he was fine. My mom called me when she and my dad got to the airport in NY to let me know that they were there in plenty of time, and then the kiddo called when he got to them. He put on a good face the entire time... but I could hear the obvious relief in his voice when he called from my mom's cell phone!

Now, it's time to clean his bedroom and enjoy how clean it looks for the next two months!

devil_kitty_1

07-09-2005, 10:49 AM

Welcome to our new moms of older kiddos!

Snowzilla~ We are raising our 11 y/o nephew and our 2, almost 3, y/o and are expecting another baby in Sept. So, I'm in a similar boat to yours! The 11 y/o is excited but I think he's also nervous about how he'll fit into the family once another one comes along. Should be interesting!

Alice~ I'm glad he made it there safely. Now you can breathe easy....until he's on his way home ;).

graciebella

07-11-2005, 07:03 AM

He's back after a month in Fla for his dad's wedding and spending time with the grandparents.

After I hugged him to death I noticed his breath. Last time he brushed his teeth? Two days ago!

camberne

07-11-2005, 07:21 AM

Last time he brushed his teeth? Two days ago!Hey, at least he brushed them while he was gone. I have a sneaking suspicion that mine didn't brush his the entire week he was at camp. Ugh, it just gives me the willies to think about it!!

Neen

07-11-2005, 08:16 AM

Now, it's time to clean his bedroom and enjoy how clean it looks for the next two months!

I'm glad I'm not the only mom who does this!!

bunnyboo

07-12-2005, 11:48 AM

After I hugged him to death I noticed his breath. Last time he brushed his teeth? Two days ago!

this made me laugh out loud! I guess I'm glad I'm not the only one out there!!

Welcome to the new ladies who found this thread!! Snowzilla, I think I remember you from that thread over on WC....I think there was only about 3 of us for a little bit, I really hope this thread lasts because I can tell I will be coming in here for questions on my 7 yr. old!!! :D

calltammy

07-12-2005, 11:51 AM

I have an 11 year old son Taylor and a 15 month old daughter, MAddy! All taylor does is play PS2 as well. I give him the same speech as when I was little, does not work! lol

princess1224

07-13-2005, 12:23 AM

UGH! We've been having miserable weather here lately. The kids and I are cooped up in the house and getting just plain sick of each other. The 3 of them are totally sick of each other. It's been to wet to go to the park or go play outside. The couple days that were decent I had errands to run. We have no money for summer camp or anything like that, but it would be real nice to find some way for them to get a break from each other. I need a break too, but I'll get that eventually. :p

Beacuse the boys are 5, 6, and 7 they all play together. They do everything together. The 5 and 6 yo's have spent the last two years together all the time. When 7yo was in kinder, they were home together. This year 7yo was on grade 1 and 5 and 6 yo were in kindergarten together. Same class. Everything the same. The kids all sleep in the same room and they have a toy room. That they share.

My son, the 6yo, goes to his dad's every couple weeks for an overnight and to my parents house every month or so for two nights. My step sons go to DH's mom's about once a month for an overnight and they don't see or talk to their mom at all. I suggested to DH that maybe his mom take one boy at a time so they could get some time away from each other but he said that we'll never get a break then because we'll always have one at least. His mom can't handle taking them very often. I didn't mean that it had to be like that every time, she could also take them just during the day on the weekend without it having to be an overnight. Just a few hour visit.

I know I'm rambling, it's late at night and I'm very tired. http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/schlafen/sleeping-smiley-002.gif I'm not sure what my question is. I want the kids to get along without wrestling and hitting each other. I'd like to figure out a way for them to get some downtime away from each other. Is that so much to ask? Any ideas, suggestions, comments, observations are welcome.

Georgiana

07-13-2005, 09:13 AM

My daughter got her driver's permit yesterday :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:

Neen

07-13-2005, 09:22 AM

SCAREY STUFF GEORGIANA!!!

My daughter started drivers ed on Monday!! I've let her drive my SUV twice now (on the back country roads) and she's done ok so far (she hasn't hit anything!!!)

I'm thinking of trying to find one of those magnetic things to put on the back of my SUV when she's driving that says "STUDEN DRIVER". We had some jerk following too close to us last night (and she was going the speed limit) and it really ticked me off. I had her pull off (because I didn't want her to have to drive on the busy roads yet) and the car passed us and as they turned yelled "why don't you learn to drive?" UMMMM HELLO! she is!!! I saw where they turned into a house and wanted to stop and give them a piece of my mind, but I didn't . Don't need to teach my daughter road rage!!

Georgiana

07-13-2005, 09:41 AM

I am terrified to let her drive because we have alot of drunk drivers and illegal drivers. We have so many traffic fatalities (so far,three this week) because of the lack of skills these drivers have. Since the town I live in is small and doesn't have a true mass transit system, everyone drives (of if they have a suspended license, the have a moped) so kids and fools alike are on the road. We have alot of country roads and that is where most of the accidents happen.
It seems to me that nothing is being done about the matter -just more people dying... :(

islandgirlsj

07-13-2005, 09:50 AM

Wow.
Cool thread to run across.
I'm so used to them all being about babies and toddlers, I just about did a double take. :p

I have 16 year old daugher and a 12 (almost 13) year old son.

I will definatley go back and read through this thread, but work is calling and I just wanted to pop in and subscribe.
Thanks for stating this thread. :D

bunnyboo

07-13-2005, 11:45 AM

Julianne sounds like the boys can definitely have a break from each other. I don't know where you live, but maybe you can check with your local police department for something called "Police Activities League". It's a summer program that our Police dept. puts on and its a bunch of different summer camps for a very minimal cost. I believe one of the ones I looked at was for like $20 compared to the $150 for the week! It's based off your income, but with 3 kids, maybe you can sign them up. If you do find somewhere, maybe you could sign them up for different camps or the same camp just at different weeks. Just an idea! Or you can check with your local parks and rec and see if they offer discounts for multiple sibling discounts or even scholarships! These summer camps are so expensive though!! :mad:

Kimberland30

07-14-2005, 01:19 PM

Man, I just found this thread today???!?! I never ventured over this way because it was always talk about babies at the other place, and that was a LONG time ago for me.

I have a 15 year old daugther who will be driving NEXT MONTH :eek:, and a 13 year old son who lives in Chicago with his dad. I'm going to go back and read this thread, but wanted to say HI to everyone first! So, Hi Everyone!!

Kay

07-14-2005, 04:57 PM

Hi. I am new here. I have two boys...10 and 2 1/2. I just wanted to stop in and say hi. I usually post late at night after the boys are in bed....my free time. LOL

KristyK

07-14-2005, 08:49 PM

Hello new joiners & welcome! I would love to have a little one again, but, that's not ever gonna happen, so I just read the threads about babies, and at work I love on the babies the other girls take home, and then I have my fix!

My son is staying at his friends house again tonite. He's bored already this summer. I've been taking him to work with me a lot, they need the help and he's good at it. He's getting so muscular, I think for xmas I'm going to get him weights. He's very skinny, but the shoulders and arms are getting some nice muscles and he's got a nice shape for a gawky 15 year old boy. :D We just saw the eye doctor and I pondered contacts, but I think another year first. He'll be getting his braces off soon, then when the glasses go, then he'll really be a handsome boy, now we just need to get rid of the pimples...argh, if he'd only stop picking! LOL I do think this year is going to bring on girls, and not just the talk he's been doing the past 4 years. We'll see what happens!

Off to bed! Night ladies!

Kristy

camberne

07-15-2005, 06:46 AM

now we just need to get rid of the pimples...argh, if he'd only stop picking!Hopefully, he'll not turn out like my husband. Every night before bed, he stands in front of the mirror and squeezes his pores. Then he comes and sits in front of me and whines for me to squeeze his back. It's nauseating, but I've gotten used to it after five years. Bleh!

Neen

07-15-2005, 07:28 AM

My daughter's pediatrician gave her some stuff for her pimples. She's got this whole regimin of stuff she's supposed to do. She's kinda let it slack a little this summer and I've had to get on her.

I've told her if she picks at her pimples, she's gonna have scars!

Georgiana

07-15-2005, 07:54 AM

My daughter uses Proactiv and it has done a good job for her. She get a new set every 60 days for 19.99 .

Kimberland30

07-15-2005, 08:12 AM

My daughter has terrible acne also, and she's so sensitive to it. It's on her face, arms, back, everywhere. She has a presciption solution and pills worked out really well, but she stopped taking them because of her multi-vitamin (something about a warning of taking it with meds). I called the Dr. and he said it was fine for her to take them together, but she freaks out about stuff like that. I'm going to have a talk with her, but then she says things like "Do you think I'm ugly? Don't make a big deal out of it!". I try to explain that when I was her age, I had similar problems with my skin (though not as bad) and I only wish my mom had taken me to the dr. to get help. I was miserable, and I'm sure it isn't fun for her either.

Georgiana

07-15-2005, 08:17 AM

Neen

07-15-2005, 12:36 PM

I didn't have acne when I was a teen (except the occasional zit at TOM). So I really am not much help to her, but to tell her to do what the doctor said. I think she uses a Neutorgenia (sp?) face wash, then some other OTC gel and then it's a Rx antibiotic for the pimples. It works really well when she sticks with it.

She also has VERY THICK hair and it gets oily and she can have a problem with dandruff. It's been interesting to find something that helps will all those problems. Right now, she uses Dove shampoo and conditioner and it seems to be doing ok. But I did notice that she was starting to get some flakes again. Guess it's time to switch!

camberne

07-15-2005, 01:04 PM

Oh gosh, I have very thick (quantity, not texture) hair (which my hair stylists are always making comments about - there is a LOT of it)... and I've had problems with dandruff. In the winter, dry scalp is a big problem (think HUGE dandruff about the size of a corn kernel). I like my peach/pomegranate shampoo from the salon, but I wash every other day with Head & Shoulders. It works!!

Georgiana

07-15-2005, 01:55 PM

KristyK

07-15-2005, 07:42 PM

I've bought my son several different things to try on his face........he doesn't use them! Even in the shower! It's a fight, and the picking never stops! I've tried the Pro-active myself and didnt' really help me, but it might for my son (if he'd use it :) ). I have seen it work miracles though!

I don't know about the dandruff stuff, I've never had a problem with it, my first DH used the stuff in the green bottle (tegrin maybe?) that smelled really strong and it worked great for him. He'd use that twice a week, and the rest of the week a regular shampoo.

Camberne, you crack me up. I'm the picker! LOL My DH hates that I want to pick all the time...my son though, I don't pick him, but maybe that's where he got it from :eek: ! Oh well, I can only hope, and I've gotten out of my picking since this DH won't let me touch him!

I was really lucky that I only had pimples in 7th grade, on my forehead, probably from my bangs. I always had pretty good skin. Now, I'm in my 40's and have pimples all the time, and the doctors don't see anything wrong with it! :confused: It drives me batty! I'm too darned old to be getting pimples!

KristyK

07-17-2005, 03:00 PM

Please give me your opinion on this thread....thanks!!

http://www.constantchatter.com/showthread.php?t=2659

Neen

07-20-2005, 12:26 PM

So who has bought their older child a cell phone? We just added our daughter to our plan over the weekend. I knew we would have to do it soon because of all the activities she involved in at school (and I was sick and tired of her wanting to use mine all the time).

When talking to the sales clerk at the store, he said a dad brought his eight year old daughter in to get a phone! EIGHT! Now that's a little young is you ask me!!

islandgirlsj

07-20-2005, 12:33 PM

When talking to the sales clerk at the store, he said a dad brought his eight year old daughter in to get a phone :eek:
That is just plain stupid. There is no need for an eight year old to have a phone. Sheehs!

My daughter has one, she is 16 now, we got it for her when she was almost 15.
She was going out a lot with her friends to the mall and such, plus her and my Son were walking to and from school, so I wanted her to have some security in case something weird was going on.
Actually, we made the phone a game. She REALLY REALLY wanted it, so we said fine, but she had to maintain a 3.5 grade point average.
She has ever since then, and continues to use that as a guide. It is great.

Now she has her own job, and bought a new cell phone on her own that she wanted. :D

Kay

07-20-2005, 12:41 PM

My DS who is 10 asked me for a cell phone! I said no way. He doesn't need one. He is always with me or at school. His friends house is two doors down and he can walk.....he doesn't need a phone!! I couldn't believe it when he told me some kids in his class had cell phones! I can see when he gets to be a teenager and driving, but not now!

camberne

07-20-2005, 12:47 PM

When my son has a job where it requires him to be out at night, I'll allow him to have a cell phone. Until that time, he'll be in the vicinity of a responsible adult who either has a cell phone or access to a phone.

Last year, I got a call in the middle of the night... it was a MD phone number, and the only person who I could think of that would call was my brother. I answer the phone and he said "Where are you?" I answered "home". He asked "where?" (I'm thinking - WTF?), and I answered "in my bedroom". Then it all became clear... he said "well mommy was just up there and you weren't in your room" to which I answered... "Teddy, this is your SISTER, not your DAUGHTER". Her name is Alyssa, named for me (Alice). He didn't scroll down quite far enough on his contacts list. Of course, with a 15 year old, I'd think you'd know where she was at 1:00 in the morning!!

islandgirlsj

07-20-2005, 12:53 PM

"Teddy, this is your SISTER, not your DAUGHTER". Her name is Alyssa, named for me (Alice). He didn't scroll down quite far enough on his contacts list. Of course, with a 15 year old, I'd think you'd know where she was at 1:00 in the morning!!

:eek: :eek:
Oh My GOSH!! This totally cracked me up.
Of course missing his daughter at 1 in the morning is another issue.
Hahaa.

bunnyboo

07-20-2005, 02:43 PM

OMG I was laughing at that Camberne!

I dont think I will let my son have a phone for quite a while. I would say until he is in high school. I mean we all got through school without them, so why would he need one. I just don't understand what an 8 year old needs a phone for? My son is always in the presence of an adult.

bciob22

07-20-2005, 08:08 PM

My DD 14th b day is today and that was her gift. We got her a prepaid account with the stipulation that she has to buy the time with babysitting money. We did this mainly because I think that if she has to pay for it herself she is going to be much more cautious about spending all her time glued to the phone. We told her in a year or so if she can prove her self we will get her a plan instead. She got the phone on Sunday actually and I think she has used only 10 minutes.

graciebella

07-21-2005, 07:11 AM

Cellphones and contacts are often the topic of conversation around here too.
Kiddo was going to a pretty affluent school last year and to him it seemed like everyone had one. I don't think one is necessary until he's driving.

Contacts I'm on the fence about. He's going to a new school this year and is begging to get them before he starts. He hates his glasses. I just can't decide if he's responsible enough for them. He's 13.

Kimberland30

07-21-2005, 07:56 AM

Alice, that was a cute story (but not about your brother not knowing where his daughter was). :)

I bought my daugther a cell phone last year, but it was mainly because she's very active with after school activities, maintains honor roll and just started high school. Her social life had really taken off and I wanted the security of being able to call her and check up on her when I wanted to. The rules were that we bought the prepaid phone and her first bundle of minutes, she was responsible for all the rest. She did really well with it, most of the time. We just added her to our cell account - we have a family plan so we share minutes. She pays the monthly fee, but it's not as expensive as the prepay ones.

As for contacts, we also got her contacts before HS started. It was such a big deal for her to get them. Poor girl will be in braces soon, and I know when I was younger I had braces and glasses and acne and I was tortured (or so it seemed to me). Contacts don't cost that much more, and I feel she's responsible enough. It's been a year and she takes very good care of them and her eyes...more so than I do. :)

Neen

07-21-2005, 09:01 AM

I let Ashley get contacts at the end of her 8th grade year (she was 13). She's done pretty good with them. She does get in the haibit of not taking them out every night, and I tell her if she doesn't I'll be more than happy not to re-order them next time and then she'll have to wear her glasses. That usually straightens her out!

It was actually the eye doctor who convinced me to let her get them. He said that in his experience (he has 4 or 4 kids himself) that their rooms may be a mess, but they will always take care of their contacts. I, of course, caved.

suzubeane

07-21-2005, 09:14 AM

We got my son a cell phone about a year and a half ago; he was 14 at the time. We were getting a new family plan, so we just stuck him on it. The salesman tried to convince us we needed to get him a pre-paid plan, and was really obnoxious and smug about it. HE knew that OUR kids would go over his minutes. Nope - not even close. For a long time, he didn't even know how to check his voicemail, and didn't even care.

Frankly, it is more convenient for ME for my son to have a phone. Between time spent at his father's, and at various activities and places where I might need to go fetch him, it's good to be able to call him up and figure out where and when I should look for him.

camberne

07-21-2005, 09:38 AM

My son has worn glasses for the last three years, and he hasn't brought up the subject of contact lenses. I don't know if he'd be able to handle them responsibly or not. With some things, he's very responsible... with others hideously irresponsible. Guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it. I got my contacts when I was 16. Now I'm back to wearing glasses almost exclusively (unless it's a special occasion).

KristyK

07-23-2005, 12:08 PM

Cell phone....no. My son has no need for one. He doesn't talk to but one friend on the phone, and he lives up the next block. This year, he'll be a sophomore and maybe have more girls in his life or whatever, we'll visit this when we come to it.

As for contacts, I've been wearing them about 20 years. My son is just not responsible enough. Heck, I'm not responsible enough and leave mine in for over a month at a time. My son has trouble with glasses, oh, and a toothbrush, I can't see him with contacts. Again, he's a sophomore this year, we'll see how much growing up he does.

My dilemma this year is going to be drivers ed. He'll be 15 1/2 and able to get a permit by 2nd semester this year. I've told him that we refuse to put our $350 for drivers ed if he's getting c's, d's, and f's. If he can get all a's and b's first semester, we might consider letting him do drivers ed. Again, there's the irresponsibility that he has. He's 15 in age, but about 11 sometimes in responsibility. He needs to grow up, but you can't teach them common sense and my son has little. I think this is mostly related to his ADHD, but could be just that he's a boy. So, I've put it on the table for him, it's his responsibility to live up to the expectations. If not, he'll have to wait for his junior year, or graduation, whichever comes first! LOL

We'll see!

Kristy

camberne

07-23-2005, 12:12 PM

I will probably let Geoffrey get his permit when he's 15 + 8 months as allowed by VA law, but he knows that he's not getting his license until he's 17. It's a fact he's known all his life, so I don't expect a fight when all his friends start getting theirs.

princess1224

07-23-2005, 01:18 PM

I have a question/problem with the slightly younger age....matbe those of you with teens adn preteens remember such an issue. My 7yo stepson pees himself daily. Not fully, he rarely soaks himself, but his underwear are always as wet as they can possibly be without actually peeing his pants. And he doesn't wipe his bum properly either...he usually has a streak in his underwear. My two younger ones (5 and 6) don't have either of these problems. This has been going on for years. Since he was 3 or so...he was totally dry for about a year before the problem started adn it seemed that it was related to his mom and dad's break up. She has a volatile personality and he had seen far more than a child should see or experience. It used to be fully peeing his pants when he was younger, since he's been in school he manages not to soak his pants. Although he still does occasionally. He used to wet the bed too but he's been dry overnight for almost 6 months which proves that there is no medical problem causing him to still pee. The doctor suggested we try positive rewards for staying dry for a certain length of time and that never worked. We find it very frustrating, we've resorted back to losing priveliges (video/computer/gameboy games) because it has proven to be the most effective but nothing seems to last. The spots are large and they are definitely not just drips. Once in a while he has just a few drips and we commend him for them, but for the most part he seems to just try to hold it for too long before going to the bathroom (for pee and BM's).

Does anybody have any suggestions? Ideas? Advice? Reassurance that it will end soon?

snowzilla

07-23-2005, 02:07 PM

I'm trying to remember when I got my first set of contact lenses - I think it was either grade 9 or 10. I was super responsible with them, and never lost or ruined a pair (still haven't, to this day, and I lose my car keys on a regular basis!). My younger BIL, on the other hand, got his first pair at 14, and lost them right away. I think it all just depends on the individual child.

This cell phone conversation has been very interesting to follow, as my oldest is only 9, and doesn't need one yet, but it's nice to see what other parents are doing. :)

Princess1224, I sent you a PM. :)

camberne

07-23-2005, 04:14 PM

Princess1224 - my son is 13 and has issues at night still. The ONLY thing that comforts me is that one of my sister's boys has the same issue and he's two years older than mine. We're currently under the direction of a pediatric urologist, but I think it's more of a lazy issue than a medical one. He know sports a watch that has a timer on it that goes off every two hours... at which time he is to go to the bathroom and sit on the toilet for five minutes, reading or whatever he needs to do to relax. She told him to go to the bathroom, relax and try to urinate once more; because apparently he's not emptying his bladder enough when he goes... just enough to make the feeling of needing to pee to go away. WHEN HE DOES WHAT HE'S SUPPOSED TO DO, he does much better.

When he gets back from summer holiday with my mother, he's going to have to undergo some unpleasantries which we were hoping to avoid. My big frustration is that he doesn't seem to mind it much. I mean, he wears good-nites at night and has gotten quite adept at hiding that when he has a sleep-over (and when he was at summer camp), but other than hiding the good-nites he doesn't seem to be bothered when he wakes up in a puddle. He didn't wear the pull-ups for the first two months after we went to the urologist, but it was ME who had to wash the sheets every day and he didn't even notice it. I still have the original plastic on the mattress so that doesn't get ruined.

What really annoys me even more is that his pediatrician wouldn't consider it a problem until last year. He kept saying that it was still "normal" for boys under 12 to wet the bed regularly. I know that it must be even more frustrating to you to not have a problem at night, but during the day. If he's anything like my son, he might just be having accidents due to waiting to the last second when he's playing video games or engrossed in something fun that he's doing so he has a wet spot. So, perhaps the watch alarm thing might be an option for you.

Good luck!!

R_mageddon

07-23-2005, 09:40 PM

ok..i'm a late joiner but I'm glad I found this thread....seems like all the other parenting talk is about breast feeding, cloth diapering and co-sleeping and such things....

I have a step daughter, she'll be 11 ina couple months...boy is she changing...but at the same time, she's very young in personality.

But the funny thing is....she still thinks she wants toys, but then doesn't touch them...she ends up playing games, doing crafts adn things like that....

.....so...we just did the 'changing of age' bedroom remodeling. Without ehr assistance I totally gutted ehr room....boxed up all her toys etc, organised...and we put new furniture in there for her.

I was going to get her to help me..but I figured it was better for me to do it without her...because if she doesn't see something going in the box, she won't miss it....otherwise, she'd want to keep everything, even though it would just sit in a corner. So far so good....she hasn't complained about anything missing yet. Of course, she also knew that that was part of the deal for getting the new nicer furniture....the rest of the deal is that she KEEPS it clean...but we'll see how much of a battle THAT becomes ;)

Recently, her and I had a heart to heart about the birds adn the bees...she came to me with it...they're learning it in school. I have to say...that I'm happy she trusted me and felt comfortable enough to talk to me about it. I want to be able to help her make good informed choices concerning boys and sex. I'm not planning on sticking my head in the sand like some parents...teenage sex and sexual experimentation DOES exist....so I'd rather guide her through it, than pretend it's not happening and have her end up pregnant or worse.

suzubeane

07-24-2005, 05:54 AM

Welcome, R_mageddon. I recently went through a similar "toy purge" with my nine year-old. We moved in March, which was very traumatic for her. I let her keep everything she wanted to, and then started weeding after the move. Moving is a lot different than redecorating, so I just needed to let her feel she had some control. They really do have one foot in two very different stages of development at this age, don't they?

Don't know if you saw it on a previous page, but we love the book Ready, Set, Grow!: A What's Happening to My Body? Book for Younger Girls by Lynda Madaras

You don't mention if your step-daughter's Mom is in the picture. I've been both Mom and step-Mom, and I wonder if it wouldn't be appropriate to let her mother know about these conversations.

As for the older kids, I have a "check-in" talk mapped out that I have with my high school age son two times a year. Coincidently, I was just writing about it in my LJ yesterday. Here's an excerpt:

"I tell him that I would have to be an idiot to believe that he will not have chances to experiment with sex, drugs and alcohol before he is done with high school. It is not my job to tell him not to do those things. It is my job to help him get to be a young adult (early twenties) in one piece, and without have done anything life altering, like fathering a child, or becoming brain damaged as a result of drugs, or physically altered after a drunk driving accident, etc. It is my job to give him the tools to make good choices, and to be there to help with the results of any lapses in judgment.

Then I always add the usual "if you're ever thinking of getting behind the wheel drunk, or in a car with someone who has been drinking – call me up. I'll come and get you. You won't get in trouble, blah, blah." I also tell him that I value his relationships with other adults, and he should look to them for help if he needs some and doesn't feel like he can come to me ..."

"... He really hates these conversations, and I don't relish them much, either. But It's important to check in, if only to let him know that I think about this stuff."

KristyK

07-24-2005, 08:20 AM

Gotta disagree with you here Suzu:
It is not my job to tell him not to do those things. It is my job to help him get to be a young adult (early twenties) in one piece, and without have done anything life altering, like fathering a child, or becoming brain damaged as a result of drugs, or physically altered after a drunk driving accident, etc. It is my job to give him the tools to make good choices, and to be there to help with the results of any lapses in judgment.

It is MY job to tell him NOT to do those things. But I fully expect that as a teenager, my son will try those things. I will also, while encouraging him NOT to do those things be there for him by giving him the tools to make good choices. I feel I am still responsible and teaching him right from wrong. If I don't tell him to that it's wrong to do those things, how does he learn? My son isn't grown, I need to push him in the right direction. By leaving out teaching him about drugs, sex etc, I'm not being responsible for him. When and if he makes the wrong decisions, then it's on him, not me at all. He can't ever blame me for NOT telling him those things. Yet, I'd still work on getting him to be a grown-up, even if he makes the stupid decisions that could alter his life.

I was a severe pot-head in high school. Does my son know this, no, but he does know that I have a lot of experience and I've downright told him not to waste his time doing those things, because they won't help you, etc. I've done the "sex" talk, I've done the "drug" teachings. I'm a very open parent with my son. I'm lucky in that he isn't interested, yet, in being the social kid outside of school, and most of the kids he hangs with at school are the computer nerdy kids.

I know we all have different ways of raising our kids. That's why I feel I can disagree with you on this. Not looking for a fight here, just my .02 worth.

Ladies, as for the urinary problems. My son up until last year had accidents. It has to do much more with lazyness than anything else. He doesn't like the school bathrooms, so he tries to hold it until he gets home. He then has to run home, and into the bathroom before he wets himself. When he did it once, in high school I told him that was the last straw, if he ever did that again (because he leaves his pissy pants downstairs and I find them all stinky when I go to do laundry), he'd lose his gameboy forever. Not another incident! LOL

In 6th grade we talked about getting him a 2nd set of clothes for school, until I found out that the teachers weren't allowing him to go. When he had to be hospitalized for a severe urinary tract infection with IV antibiotics that was my final straw and I told my son he could go to the bathroom whenever he wanted too, I didn't care what the teachers had to say, and if they had a problem, they could call me. They were absolutely refusing to let him go at all, and the 5 mins during passing class times, everytime he tried to get into the bathroom he didn't have time, then he'd be late, and they'd mark him down for that. I had several conferences with his teachers that year, and I told them they'd all be dealing with me after my sons illness, because they wouldn't let him go to the bathroom. wheeeew.../rant off.

My son still likes his toys, although he doesn't play with them anymore. We still have all his lego's and all Star Wars guys. Those are the 2 main things I told him he could keep. They are sitting in bins in the basement room, which now holds all my holiday stuff. With the invention of DVD's, what has everyone done with their VHS movies? I have all the disney ones, and tons more. They are all still down there too! Any clues?

suzubeane

07-24-2005, 10:01 AM

Kristy, I don't think we disagree all that much. Perhaps I should clarify that by "good choices" I mean "choosing not to drink, do drugs, or have sex too young, or unprotected." I did all those things in high school, and if he asked me, I'd have to tell him I did. (I'd be careful about the details, but I could not lie.) Luckily, my son (age 16) does not have much of a social life outside of school yet either, and recently told me he thinks what his friends do for fun is "stupid and boring." He is very mature for his age, and has shown a lot of good judgment and analytical thinking; I’m not sure I'd have the same approach if he didn't.

For me, it comes down to this: Ultimately, I can't control what he chooses to do. Of course he will be faced with the opportunity to do drink, drug, and have sex. I would rather he look at me as being realistic than as someone who thinks she has control over something she doesn't. That, IMO, would take away all my credibility – credibility I need if he is going to trust me.

alex67

07-24-2005, 01:21 PM

Kristy - regarding the old VHS tapes...we are slowly burning them all to DVD and then we will have a garage sale and try to sell off all the old tapes. I'm not one of those who needs all my Disney movies in their original cases so a DVD copied version is fine with me, as long as it plays correctly. I will, however, probably scan the VHS cases and print DVD stickers or jewel cases with the original VHS graphic, just to make them more identifiable.

R_mageddon

07-24-2005, 04:10 PM

Yeah...I saw the book suggestion.

Her mother is in the picture...but isn't as attentive as she could be. she's gotten better over the years...but...I cna see your point...but then at the same time too....She came to me to talk..because she trusted me...if I go to her mother...and ehr mother pushes the issue out of jealousy or some other reason...when she wasn't comfortable enough to go to her in the first place...that will break her trust in me. I DID encourage her though in regards to such things...I reminded ehr that her mother...and even ehr grandmother (who she's very clsoe to) have all experienced these changes and that she can talk to any of us....that she doesn't ever have to feel alone in the changes happening to her. I hope to have struck a happy balance there....after all..Alex came to me...I didn't initiate the conversation. I need to show respect to her feelings....she doesn't always get a lot of that and I want to be a constant and stable source of love and support in her life.

R_mageddon

07-24-2005, 04:17 PM

I just wanted to add a little P.S. because Step-parenting is often scrutinized....and sometimes step-parents are suspected of trying to steal the glory of parenting from other parents (not that anyone is indicating sucha thing ;) )
But I wanted to clarify that I have never tried to undermine her mother....and have told Alex flat out that I'm not trying to replace her mother...that I just want to be another person that loves her. She does call me mom and mommy, but that happened by her choice...I never asked her to....and I let our relationship blossom at Alex's pace.

Being a step-parent is like walking a tight rope...you want to do what's best for the child...but you foten feel helpless...since you have 'no right' to do anything....you sway too much one way...youa re the overindulging step-paret trying to buy the child's affection by being the 'nice' parent.....sway too much the other way...you are the step-parent who's over stepping their bounds....

....so...I make my decisions based on what I feel would be best for her. I'm sure I make mistakes....but i try my best...because I love her.

Thanks for letting me say that :)

suzubeane

07-24-2005, 04:27 PM

Oh, I hear you about step-parenting. You described it perfectly. It's really a thankless job, isn't it?

I only made the suggestion because besides Alex's trust, you also need her mother's. And even though Alex came to you with her questions, I can see her mom feeling threatened and usurped. This is not to say you did anything wrong or that you should have done anything differently. Sounds like you're already balancing everything.

I used to work with a woman whose 5 year old daughter came home from a weekend with her father and his girlfriend, and the girlfriend had cut the daughter's hair from long to short! :eek:. Now THAT'S overstepping!

I'm pretty lucky because getting married really seemed to improve things with the ex-husband. He and DH could not be more different, and the ex does not seem the least bit threatened. The two of them get along very well.

My daughter has known DH more than half her young life, so she's warmed up to him just fine. My son took longer; he was 13 when we got engaged, and 14 when we married, which is hard age to get a step-father.

Georgiana

07-24-2005, 05:29 PM

I vowed I never pry into my daughter's stuff -unless there is a true need to.

I came to the computer to check my email and pay some bills and she left her blog journal on another site and up. Well I started to read the entry that was there and suddenly got curious to see what else was there.
There was nothing too damaging there. But she did express that she wished that she could leave the house because of my FH... I went on to see as to why she felt that way, but there was nothing there. I am beginning to think that she is feeding off of my desire to leave and that is not good. I try to keep her out of my business and not talk crap about him around her. But it is apparent she is as unhappy here as I am.

Personally I'm not mad at her and I'm not going to let her know that I was in her journal. She has the right to say what she wants to say -at least it's in a constructve outlet....

I remember when I was younger, I had a diary and i wrote some stuff in it and my mother humiliated me to no end. she showed family members and stuff and they were mad at me. It took me years to trust my mother again.

princess1224

07-24-2005, 09:42 PM

Being a step-parent is like walking a tight rope...you want to do what's best for the child...but you foten feel helpless...since you have 'no right' to do anything....you sway too much one way...youa re the overindulging step-paret trying to buy the child's affection by being the 'nice' parent.....sway too much the other way...you are the step-parent who's over stepping their bounds....

....so...I make my decisions based on what I feel would be best for her. I'm sure I make mistakes....but i try my best...because I love her.

Thanks for letting me say that :)
Do I ever hear you on the step parent issues. Our situation is a little different becasue my step sons don't talk to their mom. She hasn't seen them in a year and hasn't called in months. She uesd to make a token effort with the call but showed no interest in seeing them. So I'm their primary caregiver. I have two stepsons and one bio son and I stay home with them all. It was difficult when their mom was still in the picture because she would tell them not to listen to me. She would get mad at them for talking about me to her. DH has full cosutody, without going into the gory details let's just say she's a horrible parent and a horrible person. But they all have to follow my rules, we can't have two sets of rules in the house just because she didn't want me telling her kids what to do. She soon realized she was fighting a losing battle with that one and moved on to other things to complain about.

It's a very fine line that I walk trying to make my son still feel loved, trying to make these two little boys feel loved, letting them know that I realize that I'm not their mother and I'm not trying to replace their mother, but at the same time I am the parent and really, I am the only mother they have.

Um, I don't really have much of a point. R_maggedon, I agree with you in not going to the mom and telling her about the conversation. If there was an actual predicament that your step daughter had found herself in then I would suggest tellign her but not for just a conversation. And when I answered this I tried to think about how I would feel if my son talked to his dad's girlfriend about something along those lines. I think I would be glad that he felt comfortable with her and glad that he trusts her. I wouldn't want them keeping anything important or pertinent from me but I wouldn't expect her to tell me every serious conversation they have just becasue I'm his mom. My ex has also told me on numerous occasions that he's very happy that our son is so comfortable with DH and that DH is so good to him.

R_mageddon

07-24-2005, 10:01 PM

She wasn't asking questions actually...she was just talking....expressing herself...sharing her thoughts about what she was learning at school and such things.

Thanks for understanding the step-parenting difficulties though.

The hair thing reminds me of about a montha go...when Alex arrived with short short hair....my DH was not a happy camper since he wasnt consulted and he likes it when she has long hair. But Alex had wanted it...starting to express ehr own individuality...so he left it alone.

As far as reading your daughters journal. I think we need to respect our children's privacy...but sometimes....it's better to know what they fear telling you....again...it's a balancing act. at least you'll be honest about it...she'll be upset probably, but at least hopefully she'll respect you telling her you did it.

KristyK

07-25-2005, 09:08 AM

Suzu:
I think what struck me was the first line in what I copied from what you said:
It is not my job to tell him not to do those things.

THats what struck me as the most odd. Because I do feel like it's my job to tell him no on things. But you're right, we agree pretty much! I think our sons are a lot alike, good kids just trying to fit in.

Georgiana, don't tell your daughter what you read! But, if I may, maybe it's time you moved out, or moved your FH out, whichever. If it's beginning to affect her that much, even if it's only venting through her blog, you can see she's feeling the underlying stress and it's making her unhappy. I'm sorry things are up in the air for you both. I wish I could help, but I can only offer the proverbial "cyber hugs" and hope that everything works out for you two!

As for step-parenting, I'm soooo glad I'm not worried about this. My DH's kids were teens when their parents split, and mom moved them 3000 miles away. We had limited contact until the past year when DH's son joined the Air Force and now they are very close. His daughter...she's a piece of work, and probably "should" join the AF to grow up! Anyway, I wish all of you who step parent well, its never easy.

Georgiana

07-25-2005, 04:40 PM

My FH has a daughter that is a month older than mine (16).

When I first met her she was the most anti-social person I have ever met. I did whatever it took to make her comfortable and from what I saw, we got along great.
However that was nothing but a front. She was going back and telling her mother she was having a terrible time and my daughter's friends were treating her badly. All of this was a lie. At the same time she was telling my FH on his trips taking her back home that she had alot of fun and she wanted to come up more often, blah blah,blah....
Well needless to say this mess was getting back to us because her mother would confront my FH about this and he would tell her that it was all a lie.
Then one weekend that he was to get her (He is court ordered visitation for an entire weekend every other weekend) she was avoiding him like the plague. What the deal was she told her mother that he was dealing drugs! :mad: So since her mother was dense enough to believe that, she would not let his daughter visit. This mess made my FH cry like a baby. I was so angry, I wanted to punch his daughter and the mother in the face.
So after that got straightened out, She started to play sick on the weekends that he was to pick her up. She only came when she wanted something or when she was mad at her mother and step father (he is such an awsome man ) Then she stepped on my feet when her mother called and told my FH that his daughter claimed that she was the only white girl amongst my daughter's friends and they treated her badly. That was the biggest lie. The truth is that it's the other way around: my daughter is the ONLY black girl amongst her friends -by coincidence, all my daughter's friends are not black. I was so pissed that I wanted to knock her out! I told my FH and he agreed that we will not tolerate any type of bigotry whatsoever and that if she is going to be that way, She is not welcomed in our home.
I did what I can to be patient as I possibly can and bit my lip and treated her nicely when she comes to visit.
However that slacked up and she has gotten better. She has come out of her shell and she is learning how to be her own person. Once a really shy kid is now becoming outgoing and personable. She once used to dress like a boy in baggy clothes and wear her hair in her face, she now wears makeup and pulls her hair away from her face. She wears better fitting girly clothes... She lost 25 lbs and looks awsome. Her mom and I now get along great and she thanks us for being patient with my FH's daughter and even "credits" us for her turn around. My daughter even went on a summer vacation with them last year.

camberne

07-25-2005, 05:13 PM

Wow, I feel so sorry for your step-relationship horror stories. My step-dad was the best thing that ever happened to our family. I would never dream of doing anything to upset him. Of course, my bio father was a complete bastard, so we didn't have much to do with him... so there wasn't much friction going on between the two sides.

Georgiana

07-25-2005, 05:46 PM

What saddens me is my daughter does not have the best expierence with my FH....

He divorced his daughter's mother when she was two and never was a true father or father figure to a kid until he met me.

He always snipes and complains about the things I do for her -nothing out of the unusual but the basic stuff and does not understand the logic about it all. One day he pissed me off so bad about a matter regarding my daughter and the issue of her going to college and how he "refuses" to pay for it and how I shouldn't (Mofo please), and she needs to work to get her way through. Well I told him as a mother I am going to help my child every step of the way to realize her dream as long as she is on the right track and not farting off. If that means not working and concentrating on her studies -so be it... Well he kept being an ass about it and I simply broke down and told him if he was a parent that your child has to only depend on (my daughter's dad is not in her life -nor does she know him -he walked out before she was born and I haven't seen him since), and if he was a parent 24/7 and not on weekends like the court ordered him to be, he would know where I am coming from.
Or if I am in her behind about her attitude, he tries to jump in with some irrevelent stuff about her.
One time he got her in face about a situation and I told him that he needed to back off of her and approach her in a better manner and he jumped in my butt. I told my daughter if that ever happens to her again and I am not around, call the police.
Now he keeps his distance and if he has a problem he tells me and I decifer if it is worthy enough to talk to her about it or not.

R_mageddon

07-25-2005, 08:12 PM

Ok..Georgiana...before I reply..as a step-parent...and as the parent in our home who actually IS the disicplinarian (sp? lol)..and the one who takes care of all the stuff BEYOND the fun 'let's play video games past your bedtime'...I'd like to ask a clarification.
Are you indicating that your FH has actually 'gotten in her face' in a threatening or violent way?

My DH and are not perfect...hell....we're not even close to perfect....but one thing that we've never faultered on is the 'show a united front' to Alex...that's why I ask...I certainly don't want to judge or assume, I've read several posts of yours outside of this thread and think you are a strong woman....as we all do the best we can with our situations...but I'm not sure I agree with undermining his authority of that's all it was....if he scared your daughter...well then..yes...that's an entirely different situation.

R_mageddon

07-25-2005, 08:22 PM

OH!! And Princess 1224! Sorry...I didn't see your post right away. thanks for your post. I'm happy to hear others express their views because sometimes I worry that I'm doing all the wrong things...becoming a step mom was a scarey thing for me....more than my own child would be I think, because, I didn't give birth to her..I didn't have that 'biological' bond...I don't have any legal right to her...and because I wasn't in her life for the first few years....I was something new...and potentially threatening.
when DH and I were dating I met his mom and daughter on the same night...I was MORE nervous about Alex and told him point blank that if she hated me...I'd leave...because I'd never make him choose between me and his daughter. I still stand by that....luckily Alex and I are close...she's a beautiful young lady....well not always a lady ;)

Anyway...I'm going to get off the 'how hard is it to be a step parent' topic...because I joined this thread because I love being a mom and want to share my experiences with other moms :)

princess1224

07-25-2005, 08:56 PM

Snowzilla, Camberne and KristyK, thank you for your responses about the pee issues. I can't stay on the pc right now I would respond and thank you properly. I really appreciate all your perspectives and it feels a lot better to know that it's pretty normal. Laziness definitely sems to be his problem.

I have a new question now.....

At what age did you tell your kids the basices about sex/where babies come from?
I've been reading that 6 or 7 is a good age to introduce it. My 7yo was asking questions in the shower one time and I got as far as telling him that his testicles are for making sperm, but I had to step out and he was onto something else when I came back in. My 6yo is very interested in how babies grow in the uterus and knows they come out the vagina, he just hasn't asked yet how they get there. I read last week that by 6 or 7 if they haven't asked you should bring it up to them. I don't think my 5yo is ready for any such talks. I got a book from the library that I had found on Amazon but I wanted to try it. It looks like a great book and I think I'll buy it regardless (they'll need it eventually), but I wonder if it's a little too much info for them right now. It's called "It's So Amazing" in case anyones heard of it.

So please tell me what age you talked about it and how much was discussed. And, should I talk to them at the same time (developmentally they're more like twins) or should I talk to them individually?

KristyK

07-25-2005, 10:11 PM

I think a good rule of thumb on "the talk" is when they start asking, tell them. I don't think you need to go into horrendous detail, but the basics will suffice until the 5th grade when they teach sex ed in school and they come home with tons of questions and are "grossed out"! LOL

We had the misfortune of introducing it at about age 8 when my son came home from church where he went with my friend and her family, talking about how abortion was wrong, etc. I about blew my lid. I am staunchly pro-choice, and felt that I needed to explain everything to my son right then and there. I felt he came out of it quite bored, but at least he knew that women have a choice and that abortion IMO isn't necessarily wrong. I also laid into my friend about what they were teaching and that I didn't agree with it and if they were going to teach that, then he'd no longer be going to church with them. She explained what had happened and I felt a bit better about things.

I let my son learn more in the 5th grade, and then we discussed it more. He learns more every year in health class, and this past year had to actually "draw" pictures, which I thought hilarious, but educational. I've been telling him since he was about 10, if he ever thought about having sex...use a condom. I know what kids are like and how they talk, he's exposed to much more in school than at home. If I didn't tell him those kind of things, I feel I'd be slacking as a parent. If I harp on him about using a condom I think that maybe the one time he's actually thinking about it, he'll remember what I said, and use one! At least I can hope! LOL

I don't think there is any wrong or right time to talk to our kids about sex. I think you just play it by ear and if you're giving too much info, they'll let you know by the boredom on their faces! :D Good luck!

snowzilla

07-26-2005, 08:10 AM

I think a good rule of thumb on "the talk" is when they start asking, tell them. I don't think you need to go into horrendous detail, but the basics will suffice until the 5th grade when they teach sex ed in school and they come home with tons of questions and are "grossed out"! LOL

I don't think there is any wrong or right time to talk to our kids about sex. I think you just play it by ear and if you're giving too much info, they'll let you know by the boredom on their faces! :D Good luck!

:) A few weeks ago, my 7 and 9 year old were watching Saturday morning cartoons with me (ok, so I was dozing while they watched, lol) and a commercial came on that was very specifically geared to kids who were under 12, regarding saying no to sex.

I was quite surprised to see a commercial geared to kids so young, but it was very well done. At the end of it, my 7 year old looked at me and said, "Oh gross!" or something to that effect (seeing kissing on tv is the equivalent of asking her to eat live worms). I turned to my 9 year old and asked him what he thought of the commercial, thinking I might as well spark a dialogue out of it......"Huh?" he said - he had totally spaced out during the commercial and completely missed the point of it. It might as well have been a commercial about basketweaving. :p So, I let it go for now. I guess his complete lack of interest is a sign that I might be jumping in too soon - although like I said, this commercial was very clearly geared for children his age.

camberne

07-26-2005, 08:14 AM

We had a very in-depth talk in the presence of a surgeon when Geoff was five. He had to have a circumcision for medical reasons, which I wanted to do when he was born, but medicaid wouldn't pay for it. Ever since the doctor explained everything to him, we've had a pretty open dialogue about sex. Guess I can be thankful for the doctor!! Since he was introduced to the subject at such an early age, there hasn't been the "usual" embarrassment about it.

Neen

07-28-2005, 11:16 AM

Has anyones pre-teen/teenager gotten the Meningococcal vaccine yet?

I took my DD for her sports/yearly physical today and she got this shot. I hadn't even heard of this vaccine until I was at the pedi's office. It's supposed to protect agains 4 strains of the meningitis bacteria.

The reason I chose to get this one (heck, she's had all her shots on schedule) was because when she was 15 months old they thought she had contracted meningitis and I almost lost her (she had a temp of 105-106 that wouldn't come down. It was the scareies thing I've ever been thru). I don't want to take any chances. And plus, where she goes to high school there are alot of migrant worker kids and kids from out of the country who might not be vaccinated.

Any thoughts or comments on this shot?

devil_kitty_1

07-28-2005, 11:18 AM

A lot of colleges/universities are requiring it now. We've had several break outs in our college systems in KY. Its VERY contagious and deadly.

devil_kitty_1

07-28-2005, 11:23 AM

:) A few weeks ago, my 7 and 9 year old were watching Saturday morning cartoons with me (ok, so I was dozing while they watched, lol) and a commercial came on that was very specifically geared to kids who were under 12, regarding saying no to sex.

When I had my blood drawn yesterday to check for anemia the phlebotomist, who is also a friend, said she'd drawn a 14 y/o the day before who was pregnant. I think they need to gear those ads toward the 12+ crowd and drill it into their heads to JUST SAY NO!

Can y'all imagine your 14 y/o coming to you with that news? I think I'd have a heart attack.

She said the girl's mother and 16 y/o boyfriend were with her.

ACK!

Kimberland30

07-28-2005, 11:40 AM

Unfortunately just saying "no" isn't enough. I knew sex was wrong (for religious reasons) and it was drilled into my head, but I did it anyway and got pregnant - on my 18th birthday. I'm much more open about sexuality with my DD than my mom was with me...in my case it was NEVER mentioned. My DD and I have talked about sex and reasons to wait, as well as birth control and condoms and everything in between. She has a good head on her shoulders and I feel that we are very close, I only pray that she waits until the timing is right (like when she's 35) to have sex. If not, at least she'll be educated on how to protect herself against STD's and pregnancy.

devil_kitty_1

07-28-2005, 11:42 AM

Oh, ITA, thats not enough. You DO have to educate them on how to protect themselves. As much as we'd love to keep them in a bubble until they're 35, thats just not possible.

Kimberland30

07-28-2005, 12:04 PM

Oh, ITA, thats not enough. You DO have to educate them on how to protect themselves. As much as we'd love to keep them in a bubble until they're 35, thats just not possible.

Yeah, how unfortunate. :(

bciob22

07-28-2005, 05:36 PM

When my (now)14 y.o. was in 6th grade a girl in her class was pregnant by a boy in 5th grade :eek: Scaryyyyyyyyyyy

princess1224

07-28-2005, 06:13 PM

When my (now)14 y.o. was in 6th grade a girl in her class was pregnant by a boy in 5th grade :eek: ScaryyyyyyyyyyyThat just makes me ill. I can't believe a boy that young is producing sperm but I guess puberty can start around age 10 (or sooner :eek: ) with boys.

I've been reading a whole lot about it lately. My mom wasn't really open with me about sex. She didn't try to hide it, she just didn't know that she should be talking about it with me. I was 10 before I even heard about periods. I got pregnant at 16 too. I was a pretty "good" girl too. I skipped out but I wasn't a partier by any means. I think lack of knowledge definitely leads to more promiscuity (for lack of a better word) than an abundance of knowledge. Hmmmm. DH says his mom and step mom were both really open with him about it and his mom drilled it into his head more to wear a condom than she did to abstain, which I suppose worked because he had sex at 16 but always practised safe sex. I swear I was older at 15 than 15yo are nowadays.

Kimberland30

07-28-2005, 07:09 PM

I think lack of knowledge definitely leads to more promiscuity (for lack of a better word) than an abundance of knowledge. Hmmmm.

ITA with this Julianne. I think in my case it was more curiousity than really wanting to have sex. My friends were doing it, so I should have been to. Not knowing any better I followed what I thought was the pattern. My first time was with a guy 8 years older than me (I was 16 and he was 24, isn't that nasty) I believed every word he said and didn't want him to break up with me if we didnt' have sex. Thank God he was smart enough to use protection because I didn't know any better. Unfortunately 2 years later (and with my second "lover") I did get pregnant...I just never thought it would happen to me, you know? Imagine my parents shock when I told them. But then again, sex was such a no-no topic as far as WHAT to do, it was just said that I couldn't/shouldn't do it. Well, I shouldn't have been smoking but that didn't stop me from doing that either. :rolleyes:

I'd much rather my child be educated in "all things nookie" than to be naive about it. And just because we're open about it, doesn't mean it's okay for her to be doing it. Unfortunately we can't keep our kids from having sex. All we can do is hope that we've armed them with enough knowledge to know what to expect from it and how to avoid a disease or pregnancy.

Of course when my daughter does have sex (God help us all) I might not be as understanding as I am now talking in a hypothetical situation. But that's my right as a mom. :)