Anyone with older kids?

[Thea]

Quick post.....

DS bio parents relinquished their rights on Friday and we are now free to adopt him! :D :D :D :D We are of course very excited. We had expected a long drawn out battle, and did not expect his gift to DS.....we have already seen some of his anxiety lift and it is great! Of course there is some sadness, but he s seeing a counselor for that and doing really well, and is also excited that he will get to spend "forever" with us. It helped that we could explain to him tha his bio parents believe that this is the best thing for him. We have a goodbye visit to go still that will be hard and then on to adoption!!! :)

Just wanted to tell you guys the good news.

[camberne]

Congratulations, Thea!!

I'm sure this is the beginning of wonderful times for you all (and a great relief that there is actually some permanent stability now in DS's life)!!

[Neen]

YEA THEA!!! That's great news!

[Thea]

Thanks guys! :)

[alex67]

Thea - that is absolutely fabulous. I hardly post in here but wanted to say congrats. I have no experience with full adoptions but was adopted as a child by my step-father and my daughter was adopted by my DH (second husband) and just having to go through her bio father agreeing to give up his rights and the court issues was stressful so I can only image how wonderful it must feel for you. :)

[suzubeane]

Congratulations Thea and family! That's great news!

Does your adoption plan include the bio parents in the future? I'm just curious since you mentioned the twinge of sadness your son feels. What a great way to frame it though - that they believe this is the best thing for him.

Great news!

So ... anyone want to share their head lice battle stories? Yesterday, I was unavailable so my mother treated my daughter with the killing shampoo, and combed her hair. But she did now know how throughly you have to comb it out and she left lots of (presumably dead) eggs in.

Last night, I tried the "conditioner" method, which involves soaking her dry hair with conditioner from root to tip, covering her hair (I used plastic wrap) and then combing out the nits/eggs. I don't know if I got all the eggs, but I'm thinking they're dead now, no?

Yecch - I hate dealing with lice! It seems to be the perennial problem in summer camp.

[alex67]

Lice - My DD had a BAD case in kindergarten, age 5 or 6. She had long hair then. I stripped her down to nothing, had her sit on the edge of the tub and I sat on the toilet lid and went through her entire head with the shampoo and the fine comb. I sectioned her head off in areas and just about went through every hair. We sat there for almost 5 hours. I also bought the spray and after washing all her bedding and clothes in HOT water, sprayed her mattress, the area around her bed, the car seats, the back of the couch, her stuffed animals, everywhere I could think her head could have touched. I was so freaked out by it and did NOT want my long, naturally curly hair to get it. It paid off, we never had a reoccurance.

[Thea]

Thanks so much Alex and suzubeane! The goodbye visit is handled through a special agency and we can go through them as to what we are willing to do in the future. We would very much like a once a year visit (in a neutral location, like a picnic in a park) and will request it. I think bio parents will agree to it, but whether or not they will actually show is a different story. I think it will really help with DS curiousity and may help in the teen years deter any the grass is always greener ideas and possible run away attempts. It will definitely help him to see the reality of the situaton I think.

suzu...so sorry about the lice! Yikes! Most of the time what is left in the hair are the nits, or the dead eggs. Generally speaking the shampoo will kill the lice. That being said, there are resistant strains of head lice in some areas of the country and also many schools, etc will not let children back in unless all of the nits are gone. It may be a good idea to get rid of as many a you can. Sheets and bedding should be washed in hot water. Any stuffed animals sealed in plastic for a week will kill the eggs. Hope you get rid of them soon. (BTW, I am a pharmacist, so I am asked this question often. :) I don;t know why, but it always makes my head itch!)

[Neen]

Lice ICK! I'm glad my younger 2 are boys because I can just shave their heads to get rid of the nits and then use the shampoo/gel stuff to kill the lice. Our school has a no nit policy. They always send home a note when a kid is found with lice (no names given!!) just so parents can check their kids.
I've been told that lice are more attraced to a clean head than a dirty head.

Nasty little buggers (now I'm scratching my head!!)

[suzubeane]

Thanks for the lice advice, guys. We did the washing and the bagging (I thought it was two weeks, Thea?) and I have checked her head three nights running. The first two nights, I combed the eggs out with conditioner. Then last night, I checked it while dry, and any tiny eggs I found, I cut out with scissors. (I don't think she'll miss those few hairs!)

I have not seen a single live one, thank goodness. Just in time for her to attend a camp sleepover tomorrow night. Yay! :rolleyes:.

[KristyK]

Thea GREAT NEWS!!! I'm so happy for you all!

Suzu, lice, ick! Hopefully she won't get anymore this year!

I've been pretty lucky, I used to drill it into my sons head at school to never let anyone wear his hat, and to never put anyone elses hat on. Now, of course, I have no idea if he ever followed this, but he's never gotten lice...yet! :D

My niece had them when she was 5. We found out after she spent the night with us, during a snowstorm. Getting to the drugstore wsn't easy at all, but we made it. We then washed everything in the house and sprayed down all the furniture with spray. My sister got the wonderful task of combing out her daughters hair, and we were lucky we didn't get it. But thats my only experience with lice.

Good luck!

[camberne]

My kiddo has been gone for over a week at summer camp... the Grand Adventure. They are horseback riding, paint balling, doing the "high ropes course", and rock climbing & repelling!! I pick him up late wednesday night (half a day early) so we can leave early thursday morning to drive to NY where I'll leave him for the rest of the summer with my parents!! (First we have a memorial service thurs afternoon, which is why I'm picking him up early.) *Sigh* I love summer holiday!!

No lice stories here... I've been spared that in my son's 14 years!!

[CrazyAva]

We have several kids. 14 girl, 10 boy, 9 girl, 8 boy and 5 girl.

[Neen]

Welcome CrazyAva!

[swtwoman72]

I have a 16 ry old daughter and a 14 yr old daughter. My boyfriend has an 8 yr old daughter and a 10 yr old son. My 16 yr old gives me the most problems. I am sure as I get to know you all I can talk to some of you about the issues that we deal with and may be able to get some advice from other moms.

[Neen]

Welcome swtwoman72! I also have 16 year old daughter, granted she's a pretty good, and haven't had too many problems with her YET! I'm just waiting! Feel free to talk away and ask question. We're here for each other!!

[swtwoman72]

My 16 yr old has issues. She's been taking Zoloft for depression and they just upped her dosage on top of seeing a therapist. Brittany is a cutter and has anger issues. I look back at the young sweet beautiful daughter and ask myself what happened. Thankfully my 14 yr old, Dakotah gives me no issues at all, other than running her mouth. But I would take teh mouth over what Brittany does any day.

[Neen]

Well, my youngest darling little son came down with something new this week!! It started out as a rash on his chest and his neck. He also had this little blister like things on his fingers (which really reminded me of athleates foot!). It was itchy, but I knew it wasn't chicken pox or measles so I thought I'd watch it for a few days and see how it went. Well, I took him to the doctor on Monday (5 days after start of said rash) because it hadn't gotten any better. YOU WILL NEVER BELIEVE WHAT HE HAS!! Scabies!! She said he probibly picked them up from being outside. Thank goodness no one else in the family has them. And it's a good thing the treatment is EASY.

Only my darling little boy would get something like that!! GEEZE!!

[Neen]

So is everyone's children back in school! This is the second full week for my kids and they seem to be doing ok. My DD love her computer grapics class. I think she may have found her new love. I asked her last night if she was going to switch her college objective to computer graphics instead of psychology. She said she might do them both! I'm not going to complain! She's a pretty good artist and doing this computer art could be good for her!

[KristyK]

swtwoman, I'm so sorry about your daughter. That is a very hard thing to deal with. I hope she grows out of it, and realizes that the help she's getting is helping. :( I wish I could give help, and I just have no clue what to say, except that we're all thinking of you and wishing you all well.

Neen, scabies are strange aren't they!? I had them when I was in 6th grade, it sucked! I was soooo itchy and mine were in the upper leg/genital area. My doctors told me I got them from a public toilet seat. Thats why everytime theres a discussion on here about public toilets, I try to chime in and say what my experience was. I'll never sit on a toilet again without at least toilet paper covering it!

As for school. Our kids don't start until next Thursday. I can't wait. My sons job ended when we were on vacation, so he's just been sitting around playing nintendo the rest of the summer. He did work the first week back from vacation, but I can't think of anything else for him to do! LOL So what the heck, he'll relax for a month. But next week.......WOOHOO!!! Back to school!

My son will be a junior this year. Not sure how he'll do, but he's still not interested in learning how to drive. I think his attitude will change once he's back though, every single one of his friends that I know have learned how to drive this summer.

Well, off to do some cleaning on my day off this week. Have a great school year everyone!

[Kay]

Hi, I don't remember if I posted in here before. My older DS is 11yrs. old. Today was his first day of middle school. He was very nervous about it this morning. I hope his day went ok.

[KristyK]

Welcome Kay!

Well my son sits in his bedroom with his friend playing nintendo. I don't know if they have starved yet or not. They've been in there since yesterday at 3pm. Will they die in there? Are they suffocating from the stench that lives in teenager bedrooms? I hope they are ok! I can hear noises still......maybe I should check on them. Nah, let them be. School starts next week, my son is a junior his friend a freshman, although they are the same age. They won't be spending much time at all together in school. Plus, his friend is going home tonite because he has to work tomorrow, and my son is going to be working his butt off in my basement. :p

Kids...gotta love them!

[Neen]

Any one have big plans for the weekend?

My DD is going to Butler University with the HS band for "band day". They get to play on the field with the Butler band and several other HS bands at halftime. I get to go as a chaperone! WHOOOOO HOOOOOO! (NOT) Next week they get to go play at Purdue. Pretty cool! (DH and I get to chaperone that one together). It's always fun and it's a great experience for the kids. Now, only if they behave!!!

My middle son is going to a sleep over tonight. It's his first one at a friends house. He went to summer camp this year for a week (with this friend) so I'm not too worried about it!

My youngest is bummed that he doesn't have anything to do this weekend! I told him he'd get to spend the time with his step-dad alone and he thought that was pretty cool!

So, anyone else?

[Neen]

I had to laugh today! My ex (father of my sons) sent me an e-mail saying his wife had the chickenpox! I think it's funny! They thought theri daughter had them 2 weeks ago, but the doctor said it wasn't. Guess that doc was wrong. Guess I'll just keep an eye on my 2 and hope they don't get it. They both have been vacinated for it, so if they get it, hopefully it wont be too bad of a case!!

[swtwoman72]

Well it's been a while since I have posted on here. Work and teenagers keep me busy. But now that football season is over there is a little more free time. Well alot has happened with Brittany. Her meds have been changed to Lexapro, spelling could be wrong. She spent a week in the hospital on the mental health ward. She finally snapped. She got so angry that she took a swing at me and my mother. She spent the night in a juvenile detention center adn is facing 2 counts domestic battery. The only way they would release her from JDC was to agree to go to the hospital. I dont think she was ready to be released when they did but that's insurance companies for you. But so far so good, no major issues have come about. She is under the care of a psychiatrist now and goes to group therapy weekly. We will see what will happen. She is about to be expelled from school if she gets suspended one more time. all for skippign one class. I have no idea what is goin on in her head but hope she comes out of it and soon. I love her to death, but she is slowly driving me over the edge. Now my younger child doesnt give me to many issues yet, she tries to push tthe bar but it wont go very far.

[peanut butter]

I have one child and he is nine years old. He's in the third grade which I can hardly believe. I just got married in July so I'll probably wait a couple years before I have another one.

[suzubeane]

Hey, moms of older kids ... my daughter's birthday is coming up, and she's been asking for a digital camera. She's turning eleven, so obviously I don't want to drop a bundle on this thing, but has anyone bought a camera for her kid? Any recommendations?

[linda_loo]

S - As you know dd isn't near your child in age, but I was looking at digitals for her, before Christmas (thinking, why should I spend $65 on a crappy Fisher Price camera, when I could probably get a decent *real* digital for $99?).

How much do you want to spend? I lurk in a couple bargains message boards, and there are great deals posted frequently. I can keep an eye out for one. Here's a recent one, Fuji 6.0 megapixels, $148.23 shipped:

http://www.buy.com/retail/Product.asp?sku=202289269&adid=17662

It has an extra large LCD screen and nice grips, which is a plus with kids, I'm sure.

[Niobe]

Non-parent wandering by... I know you said you didn't want to spend a bundle on a camera, but I had to show you this one that I'm getting, because some features would be really good for a child.

Olympus camera (http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B000EA0EDO/ref=wl_it_dp/002-7876712-9312839?ie=UTF8&coliid=IS4AGLBVKA3B6&colid=2059VL4KO58VU)

It's waterproof up to 10 feet and can withstand drops of 5 feet. It's a bit pricey, but at least if your child drops it, it won't just break. I've tried it out in store and it's a very nice camera.

[camberne]

Oh mothers of evil teenagers... I'm close to wringing my son's neck!! (As a refresher, he will be 15 in March) I guess I should feel fortunate that I got through this far without the "teen attitude". It's been about ten months since he showed any interest in anything, but now he's got the dramatic sighs when I ask him to do anything and the total attitude. His English teacher emailed me yesterday to tell me that he brought NOTHING to class and earned three 0's as a result to start the new semester. He also has not done any of the chapter summaries for the novel they're reading, and informed her that "He doesn't do chapter summaries". Um, yeah!

Of course, there's the ever-present boy-thing that we've discussed before where he still won't shower unless I harass him about it. Ugh!!

Just need support before I kill the kid!!

[MrsD108]

camberne, I have a 13, almost 14 years old SS that my husband & I have custody of and at first I thought you were talking about him.
We have been doing punishments with him and it seems to work. If homework is not completed he gets to sit at the dining room table everynight to study and do homework. If he has no homework to bring home he has to read a book. He is off this punishment if we get a report on friday that all homeowrk has been turned in.
If SS does not shower then he gets to sit in his room with no friends over so no one else can smell him or his feet.
Now the SIGHS and HUFFS. DH makes him sit on his bed until it is out of his system. LOL, once my husband made him sit in the kitchen and he had to sigh & huff for 30 minutes.

[camberne]

LOL, once my husband made him sit in the kitchen and he had to sigh & huff for 30 minutes.Ha! I love that idea!! Report cards come out on Friday... can't wait to see it!

[MarriedaGoalie]

I figured I would stop in here. I just found this place! I have a 9-year-old step son who lives with us full time. DH was 15 years old when his ex-girlfriend got pregnant with DSS and 16 years old when he was born. DH and DSS's mom split up when DSS was about 1 1/2 years old. DH has raised him ever since then. Now, we live in Oklahoma and she lives in Illinois and sees him once a year (maybe).

DH has done such a good job with him on his own... I am so proud of him! DSS is such a wonderful kid. He will be 10 years old in April and is currently in the 4th grade.

The weird thing is that I'm only a little less than 13 years older than DSS. Sometimes that causes some issues because we tend to argue like brother and sister. However, for the most time he listens to be pretty well. Overall, I can't complain. :)

[Thea]

Hey everyone.....

Life has been more than hectic, but I thought I would stop in and say hello.

BTW, GREAT news...the adoption was FINALLY final December 7th. We are all thrilled and DS is doing great!

We are trying for number 2, but have to go the IVF route, so keep your fingers crossed for us. DS says he would rather have a baby brother than a baby sister. :)

MarriedaGoalie I feel that way sometimes, but I am 21 years older than DS. Even though he could be my biological son, I still feel young compared to some of the parents of his friends. We have a 16 year old German student living with us this year, and I really feel young in that case!

[MrsD108]

Thea, Congratulations. That is fantastic news.

MarriedaGoalie, My oldest SS and I are 17 years apart and I swear I started acting his age a few times in the first year. I actually gave him the cold sholder because he did it to me. My husband & I try to parent together but when it comes to big things with his kids I am more of a support than a parent. My 2 daughters were only 6 & 8 when we got together and because their dad lives out of state they made DH in their own way their father and sometimes go to him rather than me.

[MarriedaGoalie]

I'm so glad I'm not the only one who does that... I try very hard not to get into an argue fest with him, but sometimes it happens. :( Eek!

[MrsD108]

I would not get too upset with yourself. LOL I actually am enjoying giving myself time outs,;) it gives me a chance to read and to be totally honest I read 2 books yesterday I was in time out so much.

[MarriedaGoalie]

So I have a question. Would you all consider a once a month phone call from my DSS's mother good enough? To give you a little history... she is pretty flaky about being in DSS's life. Sometimes she will call twice in a week, sometimes she won't call for four months. It just depends on what is going on in her life at the time, I guess. Anyways, last year we made the decision not to let her have him for the summer since she waited until four days before school was out to call and ask about it (and she hadn't called for four months prior to that). At that time, we told her that if she wanted him for a couple of weeks at the end of the summer, she could have him as long as she made an effort to continue calling on a regular basis. Well, we didn't hear from her for the rest of the summer, so she obviously didn't want him too bad. This year she has been fairly consistent with calls (ie. once per month almost on the dot). She called the other day and asked about the summer. We have debated on whether or not to let him go (especially with a new baby on the way). What do you ladies think?

[MrsD108]

I am not sure if you trust his ex or not to be able to take care of you DSS but I can tell you what we do with my girls when it involves my ex. I do not trust my ex at all (he has a drug problem)so my husband & I drive to Virginia twice a year so the girls can see their dad. We go once in the summer and once around Christmas. We are lucky in the fact that I can stay with my friends down there and my ex's family so we do not have the hotel expense. My girls get to see their dad and that is who I do it for, not him. If he does not call them in a month I call and remind him. I have also been known to leave him nasty text messages:o
My girls are 9 &11 now and they are starting to see how he is and no longer idolize him at all but DH & I never talk bad about him in front of the girls.
I feel for your DSS because I know how hard it can be for him when I see my girls checking the mailbox for the never arriving birthday card. I also now how frustrated you must be being compared to her when she is a total flake of a mother and here you are trying to raise her child.

[Neen]

What is in their divorce papers/parenting arrangement set by the court? I'd use this as my guide. I know deadbeat parents suck, but if they get a burr up their butt and say you aren't letting the child see her, she can use this against you. In your defense, be sure to document any and all contact she has with DSS and when she doesn't keep up her end of the bargin (says she'll call then doesn't, cancels parenting time and such).

How long has it been since your DSS has spent any length of time with him bio-mom? Can you make the suggestion that she come into town to spend time with him?

I totally applaud you for being such a good step-mom and taking care of your DSS. Some step parents can be horrible to their step kids!!

[MarriedaGoalie]

Neen: I have been keeping track as best I can of the times she has called and the times she has sent stuff (very few and far between). Unfortunately, there are no divorce papers since they were never married. In fact, there are no custodial papers at all. Custody was never argued. She just didn't want him and let DH have him. It has been that way for nearly 8 years now.

With us living in Oklahoma and her living in Illinois, it is nearly impossible for regular visits (even if she wanted to). When he does see her, he flies out there to see her. The last time he did that was 2 summers ago when he was 8 and we paid for the plane ticket. Funny, isn't it?

By the way, it is not like we restrict any access to his mother at all. He could call her at any time... the thing is that I think he understands how she is and he doesn't ever bother calling her. I don't force the subject. If he wanted to call her, he would ask. I don't think I should be the liason between the two of them.

[camberne]

MarriedaGoalie, have you talked with DSS about going with his mother for part of the summer? I honestly don't think that you should say "no" to her request without getting his honest feelings about it. He's old enough to understand that she doesn't call him enough, and to be resentful of it. However, you don't want it to come back and bite you in the butt with "she wanted to see me and you guys wouldn't let me go". Especially when that's what happened last year. She might even decide that she doesn't really want him for the summer if you tell her yes and try to solidify plans - that's happened to a couple friends of mine. Regardless, she is his mother and should be allowed to see him if that's her desire. It doesn't' sound like she's ever been abusive, just non-attentive when he isn't in her care... which is sad, but tends to happen more than you'd think.

Is your concern that she'll want to keep him past the end of the time you agree on? If so, you might want to get a formal custody agreement notarized in the meantime.

[MarriedaGoalie]

No, we are actually going to let him go... but only for 6 weeks instead of the whole summer. We want him to be here for part of it... to spend time with his new little brother.

I don't have any real concerns that she won't return him, but we will make sure that there is a return flight booked before she gets him just so we know for sure he will make it back before school starts. He can't miss fifth grade! This is a big year for him.

[KristyK]

Tasha, I'd be a bit worried that there is nothing in writing in regards to parenting. Like Alice said, even if she doesn't want him, and she's obviously proven that, with no paperwork anywhere there is a possibility that she could just "not" bring him back. Especially with you having a new baby, who's to say that she's not going to try and brainwash him, and then request child-support. You never know what some people are capable of.

Two stories: 1. Girl I worked with, was married to her childrens father, no custody arrangement when they separated, he decided one weekend that he wasn't going to bring them back and they were separated for over 5 years. He'd never paid any support so she was footing all the bills by working 2, sometimes 3 jobs at a time. When he decided that he wanted them, he also went to an attorney and my co-worker ended up having to pay child support, including "back" child support from when he decided he didn't want to give them back to her. Yep, the courts screwed her. She fought it for 2 years, and lost in the end, although she'd had them most of their life and dad rarely saw them. 2 years later, he decided he didn't want them anymore and left town, leaving the kids with her.

2. My nephew and his new wife. She has a 3 year old by her former boyfriend. She's now pregnant with DN's child. They are very happy and the child (little boy) finally has some stability in his life. His father has never wanted him, never paid a dime in child support and refused to sign the birth certificate. He has seen the little boy maybe 3 times in the last year, when my DN and wife go to Oregon to see other family, and they always do the driving, and make sure his father can see him. The father comes up here for a weekend, and decides he wants to visit the little boy, they let him take him because they don't want any hard feelings, and they have no idea whats going to happen next, and the father leaves and doesn't bring him back and takes him to OR. The courts in WA and OR decide since "no paperwork" has ever been filed in any type of courts as to who has custody that the father can keep him until everything is settled! This child has always lived with his mother, never his father. It took them over a month to get the child back, after they filed petitions, fought in court and had to go further in debt to pay attorney fee's in OR and WA. Oh, also, the little boy fell and cracked his head open, had to have brain surgery and almost died, and the boys father refused to help with any of the medical bills, so DN and his wife now have about $50,000 in medical bills, plus the attorney costs on top of it.

I'm not trying to scare you, but people are screwy, and back stabbing, and looking for a quick buck. If I were you're DH, I'd at least go to court to make sure that he has all legal rights and full custody of his child written in stone befoe he goes to stay with his mother for any length of time. I know people think it will never happen to them, but I'd hate to see your DH lose his son because the mother is a selfish witch.

Good luck!

[MarriedaGoalie]

Yeah, trust me, it is a scary situation. However, there is absolutely no animosity between DH and her or myself and her. In fact, the last time she called she was asking me all about my pregnancy and also wished DH a happy birthday! I'm not saying she couldn't turn on us some day... I'm just saying I don't forsee it happening. I definitely will take all your guys' advice into consideration, though. Thanks!

[Neen]

I don't think I should be the liason between the two of them.

I couldn't agree with this statement more! But you are looking out for the best interet of your DSS and sometimes men just don't get how important some of this stuff can be. If she is comfortable talking to you about DSS and you are ok with it and your DH is ok with it, I wouldn't see it as being a problem.

In my situation, my DH drives the kids to meet with my XH's new wife on his parenting days. For the longest time, I would talk to her (we worked in the same place) when I needed to communicate with him. It just worked. But now that she doesn't work here anymore, I do all the communicating with XH (not that he didn't know what his wife and I were discussing). I guess what I'm trying to say is that as long as the lines of communication stay open between everyone involved, there shouldn't be a problem.

[MizLarner]

I have a SS who lives out of state with his mom and new family. He just turned 9 in November. My second SS has lived with us since he was 5 - his mom turned custody over to DH. Unfortunately we still have to deal with her. :rolleyes: He will be 8 this summer.

I hate calling SS2 my stepson. I have been around since before he turned 1 and he considers me is mom. I've always considered him as my own. but then it's hard for me to call him my first - I feel like I am taking something away from my biological firstborn. DS2 is my first who can't claim to be any type of first born!

[camberne]

I call my step-father my "dad" when I talk about him to other people... because that's who he is to me. If people question me further, I'll elaborate that he's my step-father. I would do the same thing with your kids. Your step-son is your son. Who really needs clarification? You don't introduce your kids as "this is my firstborn, Johnny; and this is my secondborn son, Jamie; and this is my thirdborn son, Jeffrey" you just introduce them as "these are my sons - x, y, & z". What do you think you're "taking away" from your biological son?

Technically, since he does have an older half-brother, he isn't "the firstborn". I love how Barbara Walters has always referred to her daughter, who is adopted - as a child from her heart. Just because he didn't come out of your body, doesn't make your stepson any less "yours" given the role you've played in his life.

[MizLarner]

In real life, I do refer to him as my son, although there are quite a few times when clarification is needed, as I look 16 and he is nearly 8. I say they are all first borns because they are all their mother's first born child. Whether that is accurate for the actual title of firstborn, I still say it applies. I am more likely to make the distinction between SS and bio on messages boards like this, because I tend to spend time on the pregnancy and child boards and I don't have the same experiences raising Dakota that I do my biokids, for the simple fact that we have him full time now, and every other weekend then. Then it becomes easiest for me to refer to Josiah as my first, as he was my first birth. Hope that clears it up a little bit :)

[camberne]

I still don't get what you're feeling you're "taking away" from your bio-son?

[MizLarner]

It's just a 'man vs. self' sort of thing. Nothing to worry yourself over :)

[Neen]

It's hard to believe that 17 years ago I had my daughter. It just doesn't seem possible! I already had one crying spell this morning sitting here at my desk. The song "you'll always be my baby" by Sara Evans came on the radio and I had tears streaming down my face. I'm just not ready for this!!

[camberne]

Awwww!! Today is my birthday, too!! :) And, my baby turns 15 on Saturday. Whew! Time sure does fly by!!

[snowzilla]

It's hard to believe that 17 years ago I had my daughter. It just doesn't seem possible! I already had one crying spell this morning sitting here at my desk. The song "you'll always be my baby" by Sara Evans came on the radio and I had tears streaming down my face. I'm just not ready for this!!

WOW! Congratulations, Neen, and happy birthday to your daughter! :) I was just thinking yesterday that I can't believe my son is going to be 12 this year - TWELVE. Which is followed by thir-TEEN. Good grief. Where does the time go?

[Neen]

Happy Birthday to you too Camberne! My daughter missed my Aunt's birthday by 20 minutes (she was born at 12:20 a.m.). Actually she was born 6 weeks early, but was a healthy baby (thank goodness!)

I know when she graduates high school next year I'm going to cry like a baby (heck, I did that when she graduated 8th grade :p )

[ntexasdad]

I have four kids and raise them alone.. they are 18, 14, 13, and 11 and what a job and blessing.. we have fun and work hard too.

[suzubeane]

Wow, ntex! I think you're our first dad here. My older child will be 18 in May - does your 18 year-old live at home? Mine will be living at college next year, and his eleven year-old sister can't wait.

I don't know if you realize, but a lot of posters here on CC migrated from another site that was for wedding planning. (including me.) That naturally has meant an abundance of women starting families now, so it's nice to have some company in the teen parenting arena. :)

Welcome to CC!

[Veleno]

Hi everybody ,

my Son turn 9 in april and my daughter 8 in june. I´m soo proud of my two children.

[ntexasdad]

thanks.. my son just left home and is living with gramma.. he is taking the baby steps to being on his own

[Neen]

I don't even want to think about my daugher not living at home! She hasn't decided if she is going to live at school next year or commute (we live close enough to the University that she could drive daily, but also far enough away, that living in a dorm isn't out of the question either). I sure know her brothers would love for her to be gone! I have one more year before I have to worry about that since she is only a junior.

Right now she doing SAT prep course so I hope it helps (she takes it in May). Oh and then Prom is coming up! YIKES! Where did my little girl go??

[penybryn]

Boy I miss those preschool days. Mom always said little kids, little problems, big kids, big problems.

I have one teenager, a girl age 15. We used to do everything together. Now she will go to lunch with me occasionally, if she wants something. She is shut up in her room most of the time she is home. Her friends are well, not friendly ( come over, don't say hello). She is very neat in her own space but doesn't help around the house unless tortured. States plans rather than asking permission. Curfew is 11pm on Fri and Sat, mostly never out during weekdays. I can't stand the whole "brandname" gotta have it thing. Around here, you get what you get. I work for a Social Justice dept. at a large university, so occasionally I have to bring her to events for children in need to get her off her high horse.

The endless time in the shower is driving me nuts! My poor water bill.

I also have an 11 year old boy who is coming into his teenager years too. He gets mouthy too but knows where to draw the line so far. He's really into sports, where his sister rarely goes outdoors (skinny as a stick though). Dad spends alot more time with him than his sister. He's just easier to be around right now.

We are at the stage right now that we are an embarassment. How did you get past that?

I don't come from a close family, so we never really had this issue. :(

[camberne]

Boy, penybryn, I guess I should be down on my knees thanking God that my son isn't' having a lot of the issues that your kids are! My son is 15 and doesn't mind going anywhere with us... he actually likes being around us. Mind you, he (like yours) will not do anything around the house unless threatened with bodily harm... but he's not embarrassed by us for the most part. He actually says that I'm "cool". Um, I was never "cool", so that's a departure!! I also instilled in him at a very early age that "trendy" and "popular" clothes are not worth the money and wouldn't be part of his life. I buy "classic" clothes, and he's never balked at anything. If he finds a sweatshirt or something that he really wants, no biggie... but there have never been a pair of $150 tennis shoes in our house!

My biggest issue with him is cleanliness. Why do 15 year old boys not find it necessary to take showers? Unless I tell him that he stinks and he isn't coming near me until he takes a shower, he doesn't. Ew! I think I've finally drummed it into his head that he MUST wear deodorant every.single.day. That was a year-long battle! I'm working on the showering issue! He's going to Scotland this summer for 10 days with five other kids in his church youth group... I'm hoping that they'll harrass him enough that he'll start taking showers everyday! Peer pressure isn't *always* a bad thing! ;)

My husband is the one who takes 25 minute showers. This is a foreign concept to me, because I'd get yelled at if I spent more than five minutes in the shower growing up. I have been known to take a 10 minute shower on occasion now and then. Pure heaven!

Hang in there!

[penybryn]

The boy does need quite a bit of prodding to keep clean. I require a shower in the morning before school. I found out I need to stress to use soap when he showers and use shampoo. Last week my daughter went to stay with her grandmother for the week while Grandma was recovering from surgery (just lives up the block and needed company). The kids share a bathroom. Daughter took the soap that was in the shower because she doesn't like Grandma's brand. That was Sunday. Wednesday I used the kid's shower because husband was holed up in ours and I needed to get to work. No soap. I asked son how long since there was no soap in your shower. He shrugged. Ewwwwwww! He said you said to shower but never said anything about using soap. Boys!

I must also stress tooth brushing. I know now to state the complete thought. Brush your teeth. Use toothpaste. Brush your tongue. Rinse your toothbrush. Wipe your spit out of the sink. Get dressed. Not in yesterday's dirty's clothes. Wear clean underwear and socks. Use deodorant. Everyday.

Lots of eyerolling. :cool:

[KathleenMichaela]

At Suzubeane's suggestion I stopped by to check out this thread and thought I'd say "Hello!"

I'm a mom of three, one girl and two boys, Anna (10 years old with an aversion to washing her hair), Sean (8 years old and going through a "You hate me!" phase) and Drew (6 years old who's allergic to quiet it seems). I love that there's a thread here to chat with parents of older kids! It'll be great to be able to consult with y'all :)

[blondegirl]

Sean (8 years old and going through a "You hate me!" phase)

Nice to know my 7 year old DD isn't the only one going through this phase!

[nettreefrog]

My daughter, age 13, is having issues with her best friend. She is at an age that I remember all too well --the gossip, importance of being popular, and attitude are all major discussion points in our house now.

I contrast this with my son who is 11 months old --who has issues of his own-- diaper rash, scratching, and eating the Cheerios that he has flung off his high chair.

[alex67]

Oh my gosh, nettreefrog, we are almost in the exact same situation. I have a 13 year old DD, going through everything you just listed above, and a 19 month old son! What were we thinking?! Actually there are a ton of pros I can think of about the enormous age difference. I do hate the fact that my little boy will have his sister leave for college when he is only 6 or 7 though.

I'm glad to have "met" someone with these similarities!

[nettreefrog]

Alex67 --lol that's a great question. I just dropped my daughter and her friend off in the park near our home so that they could gab about boys... We were just thinking about how our daughter will finish high school in 5 years --the same year my son finishes first grade. We're still trying to figure out the real estate market here and whether it is worthwhile to buy. I made the point that if we want to move in 5 years when she is done that we'll still need to live in an area with good elementary schools now because our son will be in school by then. That is if we are buying --if not, we can remain as renters for the next five years and relocate to wherever it we want knowing that my son is getting a good education for K-1. At that time, my daughter will be in college...

[alex67]

nettreefrog - My DD has 5 years also before college. That is just crazy to think about. We purchased our current home last October and made sure we were in the elementary school district we want for our son. Unfortunately, the middle and high school districts aren't that great (the best we have but that isn't saying much), so I have my DD in a private school right now and am already checking out private highschools for her. I will probably do the same for DS.

Last night, DD went to her school dance. At one point all students were made to clear the floor due to inappropriate dance from the eighth graders. She enjoyed hanging out with her friends though. And tonight she went to a cookout at a friend's house. As long as her grades stay up, I try to accommodate her on spending time with her friends. It results in her attitude being much more positive at home. She is just happier. She still gets in family time though. Today, she and I went to lunch and a movie together.

[camberne]

I just don't understand my teenager son. I know I never will, but geez, he says that he wants to go to college and then he just doesn't do the work he's supposed to do, doesn't turn it in when he does do it, and then cries when he brings home a sucky report card saying "I'm mad at myself for not doing my work." Um, yeah, why weren't you mad at yourself when I asked you if you had work to do and then lied to my face?? [/vent]

Thanks for listening!!

[Neen]

My daughter takes the SAT tomorrow morning! She is going to drive me nuts before it's over. Yesterday she was looking at all the colleges she is going to apply to to see what their minimum SAT scores are. I asked her what she got her practice test she took (she took a SAT prep course) and she said her range was between 1100-1700. I don't think she has to worry too much!

[camberne]

SATs must have changed... in my day, the highest combined score was 1600.

Good luck tomorrow!!

[Neen]

Well, she lived thru the SAT!! I about had a breakdown because she couldn't find her scientific calculator!! I had to run out and buy her one, meet her at the school so she'd have it for the test! Then she didn't really need it. She said it was just basic math kind of stuff! Go figure! She feels pretty good about it, so we will see in about 6 weeks when we get her score.

Now it's time to get ready for prom, which is the 12th! YIKES! she put on her dress last night with her jewlery and her tiara, and man does she look perrty! I'll be sure to post pictures!!

[suzubeane]

Neen, my son is a senior, and doesn't know when prom is! He says he's intending to go, but hasn't asked anyone yet. "No one has." :rolleyes:.

Which reminds me, I don't know when graduation is. The school's website says it's one day, but the school department website lists two others. Better go call!

[alex67]

For a variety of reasons, DH and I are strongly considering transfering our 13 year old DD (7th grade currently) to another school. The school she currently attends is a private school that only goes through 8th grade. This school we want to transfer her to is also a private school but will take her all the way through high school. We already had decided that we wanted her to attend high school there and she is aware of that. There is ONE spot open in her class. That fact plus many other factors have led us down the road of transfering her to start 8th grade there and then just stay on until she graduates. She is not very happy about this possibility. Leaving her friends will be hard, but in a year she would be leaving them anyway. They will all be going to different high schools than she will. So, my question, any advise on helping her to see the benefits to this move and handle this transition ok? I know at this age how important her peers are to her and I am really worried about her reaction to this. We are going to visit the school with her this afternoon so she can see it first hand.

[Neen]

alex67, I totally understand where you are coming from on your daughters school. I had the same situation with my daughter, sort of. She was in a private school from pre-school until 8th grade. All the kids at the end of the 8th grade year went to different highschools (she is the only one at the school she went to). She was fast to make friends and found her own little niche. She still keeps in contact with the friends from her old school (they are all in youth group together). For our situation, it was important to let her finish out her 8th grade year at the one school. These kids had been together (about 9 out of the 12 in her class) since preschool. High school is big transition no matter where our kids go.

It's good you are taking her to show her the new school so she can get a feel of it. Kids learn to adjust.

[Neen]

http://photos-256.ak.facebook.com/photos-ak-sf2p/v78/203/86/539925725/n539925725_141256_6707.jpg

Here is a picture of my daughter dressed up for prom!! She is such a princess!! (or Ms. Barbie!!)

[Thea]

Neen Your daughter is BEAUTIFUL!!!

[camberne]

Oh wow!! Neen, she's beautiful!! Gosh, it's scary watching them all grow up!!

[alex67]

Just a follow up on my earlier post: We took DD to tour the school and she did like it although was still reluctant to want to change schools. DH and I decided to move forward with applying to the new school and we now have all our paperwork in to them and are just waiting on them to contact us back. DD took the news much better than expected that we are going to try to move her. She hasn't been angry or even sad really. I think she might even be a tad relieved that we made this decision for her.

[camberne]

DD took the news much better than expected that we are going to try to move her. She hasn't been angry or even sad really. I think she might even be a tad relieved that we made this decision for her.Not surprising really. She has you to put the "blame" on for "making" her go if her friends give her grief. It's always nice to be able to have that excuse to give... maybe after thinking about it, she would rather start new with everyone else starting new next year rather than being one of the few "new kids" the following year. All in all, I think it will be much easier on her this way.

[suzubeane]

OK, parents with high schoolers: what would you do?

My son wants to drive to Prom - just his date and himself - but by the time Prom rolls around, he'll have had his license about a week. I'm not worried about him drinking - I'm more concerned with his inexperience, driving at night, and driving when there are so many other teen drivers (maybe even drunk ones) going to the same place(s) he is.

My intention was to let him get as much practice driving at night in that week as possible; To and from the Prom location, and maybe even send him on a few errands just giving him the address and letting him find it. (In case they want to go out afterwards.)

I also thought I should have him tell his date to tell her parents that he is a new driver, and have them call me to discuss. I don't want to sway them - I just think I'd want to know if my kid was going out with a new driver.

'Course this might mean she'd end up driving; my son is almost 18 and his date is almost 19, so I suspect that she's a more experienced driver than he is.

What do you guys think?

[nettreefrog]

I say no Suzubeane to driving because I agree with you about experience. It could be fine -- or potentially very risky. The excitement of the night coupled with all of the crazy stuff going on with friends might be dangerous. If it is your car -- that's the answer... If it is his... well... at 18 he can legally decide. (YIKES -- I'll be in this sceario in 5 years!)

[Neen]

I'd say no to the driving too. Here in Indiana, he couldn't drive. They have a law that a new (teen) driver can't have riders in the car unless they are the parents for 90 days. My daughter was COUNTING the days where she could pick up her friends in the morning for school!

How much time did he get driving before he got his license? If not much, then I wouldn't let him.

Aren't teens fun??

[camberne]

I'd have to say no to the driving too. If I was the girls' parents, I'd be flipping out all night until my daughter got home in a new driver's license situation. After a long night like prom night, I wouldn't want my son driving home with little to no experience!!

Any way you could spring for a limo, or does he have friends that they could split the cost of a limo with? That was always fun!!

Or maybe a compromise? He could drive to dinner and TO the prom, but they'd have to be picked up to go home or take a cab? You could retrieve the car after they've arrived.

[Thea]

We have a 17 year old exchange student from Germany with us this year, and we just had prom last weekend. Her BF drove, but I did have them give us an itinerary of where they were going to be and when. I trust her and the BF very much, but I don't trust all of the other teen drivers. I didn't want a situation to arrive where they made a last minute decision to go somewhere that ended up as a bad choice. Everything went well, but I was relieved when it was over. :) It seemed even harder to me because I was entrusted to take care of someone elses daughter! I would definitely let the other set of parents know if you decide to let your son drive. Hope he has fun and all goes well!

[suzubeane]

Thanks, everyone, for your responses.

I have to admit I did start to freak out a bit about this seeing how many of you would not permit your teen to drive. That said, we had to look at this particular kid. He is not a teen who has built a social life around recklessness, aimless hanging around or partying. (He does not do drugs or drink, with the exception of occasional permitted drinks at home.) He does not go out to get a buzz on, and doesn't like to be around partying kids. I don't mean to imply he is perfect - he's not! But he is not into substances.

In short, I know this kid, and I can't say the for anyone else whose car he might end up in. While I'm concerned about his inexperience, if we deny him the car, we are taking away his "escape hatch." He does not want to be around kids getting drunk in a limo, or get wasted on the beach (The latter being something his date might want to do, so having her drive is not an option.)

Ultimately, we have given him a series of conditions he has to meet in order to get our permission to have the car. One of these is to practice driving and navigating every night between now and prom. This morning I sent an e-mail to about a dozen friends asking if any of them wanted a visit from him, and to please send directions for him to print out and follow one night after dark. So far the response has been really good!

Thea - one of the conditions on his list is to drive to the home of his date in advance (a girl who asked him to the prom and who he does not know well) and tell her parents in person that he just got his license. He has had his permit since August, but is still considered a new driver. He has to have their permission to drive their daughter. He agreed to this, but she is 19 so he feels silly about asking. Oh, well!

[Neen]

suzubeane those sound like very reasonable expectations for your son. I have no doubt your son is a good kid and will a responsible driver the night of the prom. I'd be on pins and needles all night till he got home (I know I was when my daughter went to prom driving my SUV and she has been driving since last June). Prom is such a fun time for our teens, it's sad to see them growing up, but it's nice to know we have such good kids!!

[suzubeane]

I WILL be on pins and needles the whole night, but I'd be on more of them if I thought there was a possibility he'd end up with a kid who was driving tipsy, drunk or stoned.

I'm hoping between now and then, he'll arrange with a good friend of his (whom I know well) to all go together. I would trust that kid with my car, too.

[Neen]

I got my daughters SAT scores this morning!!! she did great!

Critial Reading 560
Math 570
Writing 490
Total 1620

I'm so proud of her!! (and I guess that prep course paid off!!)

[MarriedaGoalie]

That's awesome!! Tell your daughter congratulations, Neen!!!

[suzubeane]

I know some of you have teenage daughters ... what kind of corsage do you think she'd want if she was going to the prom in a black dress and pink hair?

Seriously, I never went to a formal; I went to a small bohemian hippe high school, and we echewed things like proms. :rolleyes:. I am only marginally less clueless than my son, and I need to help him pick out a corsage.

FTR, he doesn't know this girl well; she asked him. She's a musician (solo and w/an indie rock band) hence the pink hair.

[suzubeane]

Neen, those are some great scores!

So your daughter will be applying to college next year? I wish I had some advice for you - the competition is going to be VERY though. This year was supposedly the worst year ever, and I can't imagine its going to be any better next year. My son got into a few good schools, but got rejected from his first two choices AND some of the schools we considered safeties!

It seemed like the New York Times was printing articles every week about how hard and unpredictable college admissions have gotten. You might just try to gently prepare your daughter in advance.

[Pineknot]

Suzu,

I have three kids, all past prom age and believe it or not, black ribbon was preferred. My son gave them and my daughters asked for them. When we had one made for my son's date, we used black and pearlescent ribbon..very pretty. The girl's Mom has a highend floral shop and that's what she said most of the kid's pick.

Course, the other thing the kids do is match the girls dress...but it sounds like your son won't know what color she's wearing.

I hope he has a good time!!

eta: I just re read she's a little avante garde :), so I say most definitely the black 1/4" ribbon!!

[Thea]

Neen - those are great scores! Congrats for your daughter!!



Ahhhh...little league season is over! I know our season is short, but every Tues and Thurs for the past month have been so franctic, trying to get DS there by 5, figuring out how we were going to eat, washing the uniform (and the lovely WHITE pants...had to have been a man's idea for that) twice a week! But it was all worth it, DS did great with his first organized sports team and his confidence has seemed to soar! He is so looking forward to the end of the school year and our busy summer schedule. I am so proud of all of the progress he has made this year I could burst!

[Neen]

We still have 2 weeks left of little league! I'm so ready for it to be over. I just found out that the tourney they have is going to be the week that my son is at camp. I feel kinda bad because he is their catcher (the only one who will catch) and one of the best hitters. Oops on my part, but I figured they'd be done by then.

[alex67]

My DD just finished 7th grade yesterday and today she left for a 10 day choir tour with the youth of our church! She has had a very busy past couple of weeks. She has called twice today already just to "check in". I hope she has a good time. They are traveling by coach all over the state of Florida. We live in the northwest part of the state so they are traveling from here all the way to Key West with many stops along the way, then back home. For the rest of the summer she has 3 basketball camps lined up and one volleyball camp. I'm glad she will have an active summer.

[MarriedaGoalie]

My SS just finished up the 4th grade and is spending the next couple of weeks with his Grandma. Then, the day after father's day, he will be going to visit his mother for 6 weeks. He hasn't seen her in 2 years, so I'm not sure how that is going to go, but we'll see. I hope I don't have to whip (not literally) him back into shape after he gets back from her house, but I am sure I will have to!

[Thea]

Last day of school for DS today! He is so psyched and found out yesterday he got the teacher he wanted for next year. He'll be home at noon, so I better try and get any last minute chores done as this will be my last morning off without him home! :)

[penybryn]

Ahhhh...little league season is over! I know our season is short, but every Tues and Thurs for the past month have been so franctic, trying to get DS there by 5, figuring out how we were going to eat, washing the uniform (and the lovely WHITE pants...had to have been a man's idea for that) twice a week! But it was all worth it, DS did great with his first organized sports team and his confidence has seemed to soar! He is so looking forward to the end of the school year and our busy summer schedule. I am so proud of all of the progress he has made this year I could burst!

What? Its over? It goes on here until into July, with a few weeks added for Allstars. We don't start until May 1st and they play 2 or 3 nights a week. My son also plays on a traveling AAU team a couple weekends a month. I go to all the little league games but the away travel games are strictly a guy thing. I can't go leaving my teenager home alone. All kinds of bad things can happen (parties, boys, etc)!

[Thea]

Yes, I know.....I have heard from several people IRL how short our season is. I wonder if it is just because we are small town Vermont and we don't have the resources. Also, DS was only in the minors this year. We did get told by the coaches that they will be calling us for extra summer practices with the kids who seem motivated (my DS included) so we shall see.

[alex67]

Last weekend DD got back from an 11 day choir tour with the church. They traveled from the panhandle of Florida all the way to Key West and back again with stops at churches, nursing homes, and festivals along the way to sing. They also stopped at two amusement parks for fun. This week she has been at a basketball camp at our university taught by the coach of the ladies team. She has been so busy but is having a blast.

Oh and we just found out that next year (8th grade) she will be placed in Honors Algebra. Many 8th graders around here do take Algebra but we are delighted that she will be in the honors class.

[camberne]

Yesterday was Geoffrey's last day of school... on to the 10th grade now. Whew. He had an audition two weekends ago for an acting school which he was accepted into!! He's really excited about that, and it will give him good auditioning experience (and hopefully motivation to work harder in school since they emphasize the importance of education). The Performing Arts Academy that he is in through the City (his regular high school) seems good, but it doesn't really concentrate on some of the things that this acting school will focus on; and since that's really what he wants to do with his life...

He leaves on Sunday for Scotland on his pilgrimage with his church youth group (no parents allowed, but there are 4 adult "mentors" going along). They'll be back on the 27th. I won't even go into the fiasco his passport was (it didn't come, had to go to DC with a letter from Sen. John Warner, etc etc) but it finally came on Wednesday! When he gets back from Scotland, he'll have a week and a half home before we fly him out to NY to spend 8 weeks with my parents at our summer house. I'll go up on Aug 18th, spend a week up there and then we'll both drive home. He'll have a week home to prepare for school to start.

I just started a new job myself on Monday. No more working from home, so it's a BIG adjustment since I'm also going to school Mon - Thurs nights. I never see the family anymore. The only times I've seen Geoffrey this week was when I drove him to school in the mornings!! I'm going to have to adjust my school schedule before his school starts again in Sept!!

[Neen]

Bumping up because I had to share!! Pictures (http://www.specialtouchphotography.com/Slideshows/Ashley2008/index.html)

I just got my daughters slide show of her Senior pictures! Granted this isn't all of them, but they are awesome! She is the one with the dark brown hair. The other girl is my niece. They are 3 weeks and a day apart in age (my daugher is older) and are both seniors this year. I had a major "mom" moment watching the slide show the frist time. Man my little girl sure has grown up!!

Enjoy!!

[MarriedaGoalie]

Aww!! Those are awesome pictures!!! :) Thanks for sharing!

[suzubeane]

OMG! I want to start a new group thread: Mothers of Drama Queens - Come on in!

My daughter will be 12 in 3+ months, and just started middle school. She's always been a little dramatic, but it's gotten exponentially worse in the last few months.

She will reinvent history 5 minutes after something happens! She will say "I said xyz! I said it five times!" (never said it at all.)

She will say "You said abc! Yes you did! You just don't remember!" (From five minutes earlier?)

She screams. She leans over at the waist, hands on hips and enunciates her words ... then folds her arms across her chest, and storms off.

Aack! I can't take six more years of this! Help!

The worst part of this is that my son was the exact opposite. We've had disagreements, and he's not perfect. But he's always had excellent judgment, and he does not fabricate.

We started to have problems with communication and egoism just before he left for college, but all through middle school and high school, he was pretty even-keeled. He never accused me of saying stuff I did not say, never pretended he told me something he did not, and was just really trustworthy. Any time he told me "You never said xyz ..." it was typically something I really wasn't sure I'd told him, or just meant to tell him. (that does happen sometimes.) He understood the idea of credibility from a young age. He got that if he exaggerated, he'd lose credibility and would not gain trust - and therefore, he wouldn't get the freedom he wanted.

My daughter is not getting this! She wants to be trusted and have freedom, and is not laying the groundwork.

Has anyone survived this? Any good books to recommend? I'm open to ideas.

[alex67]

You are in for a rough ride. DD turns 14 on this coming Thursday and we are right in the thick of it. I do have to say, that I can usually get her out of it and get her to see what she is doing when she gets so dramatic or fabricates stuff. But it takes some "heated discussions". The way I approach it is "I understand totally that you THINK I said xyz. I get that. But you must be open minded enough to realize that sometimes you might be wrong. We all are sometimes." I also make sure I state anything I am not 100% about in the same way. I explain to her that I will not get upset if she rewords her statement and tell me she THINK something instead of stating everything as fact. Just stay the parent, don't ever let her starting running the show. Having said that, pick your battles. Sometimes the little things you can let slide even if it kills you and you know she is wrong. Lastly, when times are good, keep those lines of communication open! This is probably the most important advice I can give. She needs you to lead and protect her more than she needs you as a friend and when the time comes that she needs help, she will turn to you if she knows she can count on you as MOM!

Good luck!

Since I am in here, I will share: Last night DH and I got back from spending the night out at a beach cottage to celebrate DD's 14th b-day. She invited 5 friends, that all were able to go, so we picked them all up from their own homes (that took a bit due to varied living locations but I still am pleased to see where everyone lives and meet their families) and then went out to the cottage. The girls swam in the gulf, played beach volleyball and other beach games, played in the sand, talked about boys, listed to everyone else's iPods, danced, ate, did some crafts (we bought each girl their own wooden initial letter for them to decorate with paints, glitter, and jewel things), watched a dvd, and stayed up until 2am talking more about boys. I would say they all had a great time! DH and I are exhausted. Glad it is over. We really wanted to attempt to do something big for her birthday this year with the recent events of moving her to a different school and all. These 5 friends are all from the former school so she is keeping in touch with them all and I hope to faciliate that for a long time. She is also making friends at her new school but only being there for 4 weeks so far, she isn't super close to any of them yet.

Just to add: The new school is awesome! We are so glad we switched her. Where the focus on academics was a little weak at the old school and socialization was enormous, the new school has a much more balanced outlook on it all. They seem more responsible for the children's education. DD is already on the JV Volleyball team and plans to play basketball too so she is taking an active role in her new school and has really started embracing it - no tear, no fights, no foot stomping. The transition has been pretty smooth.

[Neen]

My daughter has been accepted to PURDUE for the fall of 2008!!! YEA!!! It was her top choice! YEA!!!

[Thea]

Neen - Tell your daughter CONGRATS! What a great school!

[Neen]

Ok, I have to vent for a minute!!

My youngest is on a youth football league, it's one of the best in our area. Yesterday they had their "Superbowl game". They played a team that had beat them twice in regular season, but they were ready for them. I have never seen a bunch of boys (the other team) play so dirty! It was utterly disgusting what their coach has taught them. At one point, we were on offense and one of our ends ran forward, was blocked, and the blocker kneened him!! It wasn't an accident, you could just tell! I was floored. Then, they kept pulling face masks. My son is a defensive end and when he would rush and be blocked (sometimes) and the kid who was blocking him kept pushing him even after the wistle. One time my son turned and walked away, and the kid ran up behind him and pushed him!! I looked at his dad (my ex)and said Alec is going to nail that kid (I am very proud to say that he didn't, but at one point he did push him back).

It just floors me that a coach would teach this stuff to kids (3rd & 4th graders). Those boys will be at such a disadvantage when they get older if this is how they are being taught to play.

Ok, I'm done. :D

[MrsD108]

Neen, You should watch 11 year old girls play soccer. Some of those girls are wicked. Some coaches are not there for fun but just to win.

[Neen]

Just bumping up to see if everyone survived the holidays!!

[alex67]

We survived and are doing great! I am happy to have the holidays behind us and to look forward to some exciting family events coming up. In late February, DD (14) and I are going on a cruise with my parents and two other family friends. Then during Spring Break, we (our family of 4) are all going to Disney World for 5 days. It seems we are all so busy, coming and going in different directions, that these trips will be really special to only focus on each other.

[Thea]

We survivied!! With a newborn now things are really different in our household. I am happy to say that 10 y.o. DS is a great big help (usually) and although jealousy peaked it's ugle green head it is mostly under control at this time. :) (I think older DS uses it as an excuse sometimes to get something extra special....but if he didn't have that he would use something else, right?)

So, does anyone have any experience with DC being really good at something? I ask because DS has started basketball this year and at their first game he scored 18 of his team's 22 points (they won 22-16). (It was really fun to watch and I love how much confidence it has seemed to give him!) I just want to try and keep hom grounded though. He seems to have a pretty good attitude that it takes teamwork, etc. but I have heard him say a few things like, "My team couldn't win without me" so I want to be careful. Any thoughts?