Why do I feel this way?

[BeachGirl]

Lately I have been feeling so down and depressed. What started it all was a big fight I had with my in-laws (which I posted about in another thread), but that was over a month ago. I was having anxiety and panic attacks over it, but I started taking anti-depressants, and after a few weeks things calmed down with the in-laws and they are actually being really nice to me now. My MIL actually admitted that she was acting like a "bitch". She used those exact words.

Ever since the whole argument with them though, I still don't feel like my usual self. I am not suffering from the panic attacks anymore, and the medication has definitely helped, but I'm still feeling kinda down. Nothing seems exciting to me anymore, and I feel very short tempered and irritable. I feel guilty for feeling this way, because I know there are people out there with real major problems, and my life is pretty good. I have a very loving family, a great husband, and we are doing well financially. I just don't know why I can't seem to get out of this funk. Everyday I tell myself that tomorrow will be a better day, and that I will feel better, but I never do :( I am jealous of people who seem so happy and get to enjoy life. I want to be that person too, but I just don't know how. Has anyone experienced this before? I just want to know what it feels like to be happy again.

[mrselle]

I know you said things have gotten better with your IL's, but do you think you are still bothered by the big fight or could it be something deeper?

A few months ago my MIL and I had a disagreement. Even though we talked everything over and called a truce I was still bothered by the incident for quite sometime. The incident was bad, but it wasn't so much what happened than it was the fact that I was tired of DH's approach to the way his mother treats me. I felt like, and I still feel like he makes a lot of excuses for his mother's negative attitude towards me and my family and I began to wonder how he could really and truly love me, but never stick up for me. In reality, DH has defended me to his mother and talked to her several times about her behavior towards me, but unfortunately there is still some tension between us. At the heart of the matter was realizing that I may never have a good relationship with her or with any of my IL's and this really hurts me.

I guess thats my long winded way of saying that maybe its not so much the big fight, but a deeper issue that you haven't explored. I think once you face what is really bothering and come to terms with it, you will feel a lot better. Take it step by step, moment by moment, one day at a time. You'll get there. :)

[ejs]

It sounds like depression. I'm sure you know that depression can be caused by a chemical imbalance in your system, which is why meds can help. However, a lot of people have to try a few medications to see which one is the right fit for them.

Have you considered talking therapy?

[BeachGirl]

I am doing talking therapy now. It hasn't really helped so far, but it's only been about a month. I'm scared I will never feel happy again. It's like I have this terrible sadness and pain in my chest that just won't go away. Have any of you ever experienced this before? If so, what did you do to help yourself get through it.

[Natasha]

I can totally sympathize, I have been through this too. One thing that helps me is to take big deep breaths when I start to feel a little overwhelmed, or the tightness in the chest starts. Maybe try getting a massage. Sometimes the physical effects of depression worsen the emotional ones, for me, at least. Also, do you have a close friend you can talk to, who can keep you focused on the positive? I have a friend who is SO good at keeping me focused on the good things, about my life and myself. When I start to feel down, I call her up, and she has me feeling a little better in no time. There's always CC, too! :D Hope that helped, and if not, at least know that someone else has been there too. You are NOT alone, and you are NOT crazy. You WILL be happy again, sweetie! I promise.

[Marie]

You've gotten some great advice. I just had a big blow out with my SIL and family arguments can take a while to get over. Have you talked to your therapist about some depression meds until you are able to work through this?

[BeachGirl]

So I have been feeling better lately, but sometimes I'll have my bad days too. I am scared because when I was on medication before I felt good all the time once it kicked in. I have been back on prozac now for about 9 weeks and by now I'm usually feeling great all the time, but I still am having bad days, and that is scaring me. I wonder if it's not working on me anymore. I don't really want to try a different medication, because I've always done really well on prozac and I have heard that other anti-depressants can cause major weight gain which would make me ever more depressed. I also started exercising by taking 30 minute brisk walks a few times a week. Supposedly exercise is supposed to help with anxiety and depression, but I don't feel it helping at all. :(