Why can't my DH say no

[mrsdrummer]

to anyone but me. he's in 2 bands. Band A is his primary band. they play 2 weekinds a month because the bass player has his kids the other 2 weekends. That's awesome. Band B was supposed to play 1 weekend a month. Fine that still left 1 weekend a month for us to do what we want, usually rest. Well this will be the 3rd weekend in a row band b has played. I wanted to hang out and his Brother and SIL are in town. I know he loves his music and I'm glad, but come one. This has gotten a bit much considering the bar he plays in is an hour away.

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel much better now.

[nic]

Wow, that sucks. Any chance he'll give up Band B? That would give you a nice balance.
I say you go hang out with BIl and SIL and let him know what a great time he missed :D

[mrsdrummer]

Well the thing is that I'm not realllllly fond of my SIL and my BIL needs some valium or something to chill out. I'm gonna go with him, but they're all gonna sense I'm not real happy about it.

[nic]

You could take the Valium-it'll make you much happier :D
All kidding aside, I think you should talk to DH and try to come to a compromise.

[mrsdrummer]

You could take the Valium-it'll make you much happier :D


hmmm now that sounds like a plan. Actually I'll probably enjoy a malibu and pineapple juice or 2 and just chill. Thanks, I think tonight we'll have a discussion.

[nic]

oh, yum I think I'll skip the wine tonight and have one too.

Let him know how you're feeling and hopefully you can figure something out that makes you both happy.

[flygirl]

Is he feeling obligated or is he really enjoying it? If he's enjoying it, I think you should just let him do his thing, but also let him know that you need to spend some time together. There's a lot of life ahead of you and as long as it's not hurting his marriage, I say support his hobby for a few years.

If he's feeling obligated, then you need to encourage him to stand up. Suggest he look for a back-up. But since this is not his primary band, he shouldn't be afraid to say he has other priorities.

[ejs]

My DH has a hobby that could keep him busy every weekend (and away from home), if we both wanted it to. At the beginning of his racing season, we look at the whole schedule, and come up with a compromise of which weekends he'll race. He'll suggest lots and lots of dates; I'll suggest fewer. Some races are really important to him; some dates are important to me so I don't want him to race. Then we discuss and meet in the middle.

Is there anyway you and your DH could try this? I think it's great when someone has a hobby he/she loves, but I think the couple has to agree on how much time it's going to take up.

[GeekGirl]

Okay, this is coming from the point of view of a musician...are these bands truly his hobby, or are they gigs he gets paid to do, or has the ambition of getting paid to do? Is he a professional gigging musician with a "day job"? Or has he just never gotten over his junior high garage band? I'm just asking, because it makes a huuuuuuge difference. I was a musician until a wrist injury made playing impossible, and though during that time it was my "day job" that paid the bills (for the most part), it was my evening and weekend gigs that gave me the experience and connections to move on to bigger and better (-paying!!) gigs - working towards my goal of making a living as a full-time performer. I sort of cringe at pairing the words "music" and "hobby", because I think it leaves a lot of room for misunderstanding...this may be something that is simply in his blood. Have you ever thought of going with him to hear his band play? That might be the best of both worlds - you get to spend time with your DH, and he gets to play for you!

This is not to say in the least that he should have free rein to do whatever he likes whenever he likes...even if he sees music as a "job" or a "lifestyle" or however he wants to term it...everyone has to take time away from their jobs and lifestyles for other things that are important, i.e. family and friends.