Normal Potty Learning behaviour?

[hub1176]

I watch a 3 year old girl who is still in diapers. Just turned 3, mom wants to wait until girl shows readiness which I totoally support. However we had a few issues where she would be having a BM (off in a corner) and insist that everyone else stop talking as she was pooping. While I changed her diaper I talked to her as matter of factly as possible explaining that people talk in the living room/family room and if she wanted privacy I would help her use the bathroom if that's what she wanted as it was the only place one could expect privacy/quiet while going potty. Again I'm in no place to push, but I do want to encourage, and I thought by pointing out the positives of going to the bathroom it might get her thinking about it. She has not had a BM here since, and has told me not to worry as mom will change her poopy. In addition when it's time to change her diaper she doesn't want me to. She does have much older siblings and I can only imagine what they must tell her about the fact she's still in diapers (because she's said things to the other children in my care that there is no way they could come from a 3 year old) I feel terrrible as I didn't want her to think I had a problem with diapers. And although I've gone over the conversation again and again in my head, I just don't think anything I said, or the way I said it, was negative. To be honest, it's a lot easier for me to change a diaper than it is to remember to get someone to the potty so it's not like her being potty trained/learned will make my life easier. It really is about her. Is this normal behaviour? Do you think my conversation with her really could have caused this?

[Renrel]

It sounds to me like she is just a very bright girl who is focused at the moment on control issues. She wants to control her enviroment and her body, thus she wants to be able to make everyone be quiet while she eliminates in the manner that she desires. She is also showing you and herself that she can control her body by holding her poops till she is in a place where she can control the environment to her satisfaction. So while your comment may have set off this behavior there was nothing inheriently wrong with you comment, she just chose an unexpectly extreme way to react and deal with it. And for what it is worth, my daycare director has commented that very few of the preschools poop at school, most hold till they are home, my son certainly does, I think he has pooped at school twice in about 9mths. Now this is a situation where they are all using the potty so it is a little different, but the age is right on- 2.7 through age 5-6, depending on kindergarden start ages.

[Sarah]

It sounds fine to me. I guess I am an evil PTing mom, but I have always made it clear to my kids that potties are for pooping/peeing, and privacy is only really to be expected there. I mean, I wouldn't bug her when she's going, but I wouldn't impose silence one everyone, either. I think what you did is fine, but I also think that maybe her mom should get her some panties, since she apparently IS showing signs of readiness, like being able to hold it, knowing when she's going, wanting privacy, etc. Those are signs of readiness. Readiness does not mean the kid actually WANTS to PT, imo.

[linda_loo]

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[Renrel]

Sorry about those unrelated posts above, I obviously thought I was hitting the start new thread button but was hitting the new post button. :o It has been a very long week.

[Peever]

It sounds pretty normal. I don't think it's anything you've said. Have you discussed this with her mother? Have you asked her if they make negative comments about her still going in diapers and explain what she says about the other kids?

My son is very private about his pooping. I think he's only had 1 BM at daycare in the last several months. I don't think there's enough privacy for him to go there. At home he sometimes asks me to leave the room when he's pooping. I always tell him that he's welcome to go into the bathroom to poop by himself, but that I need to be in the living room doing "X" right now. He oftens goes into the corner under our end table to poop in private.

[hub1176]

Peever - I did tell mom, and mom was very supportive. She said that's how she handles it as well - If girl decides to poop in family room she needs to understand that life goes on. She hasn't come out and said the older kids say specific things about using the potty, but I can only imagine what a 13 yo would say when their sister walks by after having a BM in their diaper. :)

Renrel - I was starting to think something was wrong with CC :)

Sarah - I agree with you. I know mom is older and little girl wasn't planned (very loved, very wanted, but not planned) and she's admitted to me that she is exhausted with the demands of caring for a toddler/preschooler now that she's in her 40's.

My take on the whole thing is that we are so being played. I would never ever force a child to do something that they are not ready for, but she is very much ready for it. I almost think mom is just waiting for her to do it herself.

With my own DC I've started trying to get her to sit on her potty a few times during the day. When I do this the little girl gets very annoyed and will tell me "She (my daughter) doesn't want to go on the potty" So now, it's not enough that she doesn't want to go on the potty, no one else can....:rolleyes: