Cancer support/experiences

[Winter Biscuit]

I'm sure that many people know someone who has battled cancer. I just thought I'd start a thread where people can offer support, suggestions, encouragement.

My FIL was diagnosed with a rare type of Stage IV colorectal cancer last October; at his diagnosis, they found that the cancer had spread to his liver. It hasn't even been a year since his diagnosis yet, and the doctors have already told him that there isn't anything left that they can do for him. His body has not responded to chemo, radiation, and other treatments, and his tumors continue to grow and spread. His last and only hope is to try some experiemental drugs / clinical trials. He is in constant pain, he is tired all the time, his meds make him dizzy, give him horrible heart burn, horrible throat burn, the list goes on.

My husband is having a very difficult time dealing with this; it's hard for him to realize that his father is dying and that they won't be able to do the things that they used to enjoy together like golfing, snowmobiling, etc. DH doesn't talk about it much, and he is totally withdrawn. I always have to ask him how his dad is doing just to get an update on what is going on; he doesn't even share the latest news with me unless/until I ask. It breaks my heart to know that he is hurting so bad and there isn't a thing I can do. I have tried to talk to him, I have suggested that if he isn't comfortable talking to me, maybe he should talk to someone else (e.g. a counselor, a cancer support group) so that he knows he's not alone and so he can get some support, but he insists that he's fine and doesn't want to do that. It is not normal or healthy to keep emotions like this bottled up. I have looked for local events sponsored by the American Cancer Society that we could attend (e.g. Relay for Life) but DH isn't interested in that type of stuff right now. I feel like the only thing I can do is just wait for him to open up, but it just drives me nuts because I feel so helpless.

Any suggestions from someone who has BTDT? Anyone else?

[alibaba]

Hi there-
I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. I know it is a difficult time for all of you. I know what your husband is going through. My mother battled with cancer for 22 years. For me it was always hard to talk about it with anyone, including my best friends. I don't know how to explain it but it almost felt better to keep it to myself. For the first few years with DH I didn't mumur a word to him about it. As the years went on I started to open up and tell him things. But towards the end it became hard again to talk about it. I kinda shut myself down because it was so hard to talk about. The pain was just to hard to bare. But just knowing I had DH there was comfort enough.
I guess I'm just trying to say that there isn't much you can do but just be there for him when he falls because he will need you, until then unfortunately there isn't much you can do.
You and your family will be in my prayers.

[Traciray]

I dealing with a very similar situation, my FIL was diagonsed with Stage 2 colon cancer in Apr, he began chemo in May and now just finished his 4 round. In two weeks he will have a c-scan to determine if the chemo is reducing the tumors or if the cancer has spread. The doctors are also concerened about spots on his liver and his liver is also enlarged. My DH is having a really rought time, he has opened up a little more over the last few weeks but I normally have to drag any information out of him that he receives from his parents or his sisters. It's just so hard to see my DH hurting so much and I'm like you I've sugguested that if he doesn't want to talk to me that maybe he could go sit in with a Cancer support group.

[Winter Biscuit]

Thanks for your responses so far.

alibaba it especially helped to hear things from your perspective. I am the type of person who openly talks about these type of things, so it is just hard for me to watch him keeping it all bottled up. I think I need to keep reminding myself that different people deal with things in different ways, and that doesn't necessarily mean that "my way" is the best way. I guess you're right that the only thing I can do is to be there for him when he's ready to open up. Thanks for sharing, and I am sorry about your mother.

Traciray I wish the best for your FIL. Hopefully his body will respond well to the treatment. I'll keep him in my thoughts and prayers.

[jessied1025]

Hi Everyone,

I would first like to say I am sorry to hear how cancer has effected your life and that you and your families are in my prayers and thoughts.

I appologize up front if this gets a bit long...

Cancer has effected my DH's family as well. My BIL was diagnosed with esophageal cancer August 2003. By the time they found it it was at Stage IV, the cancer had spread to his brain, lungs and liver. I am still vividly remember the phone call from my DH crying on the other end saying I needed to leave work immediately because they found a brain tumor and were going to remove it the next morning. I can also remember sitting there and listening to the surgeon tell us that they were able to remove the tumor but they found another tumor and that they were almost 100% positive it was cancer. Through the last 2 years my BIL has been on a couple different chemo treatments and radiation. The latest chemo treatment has been successful in reducing and stablizing the cancerous cells in his liver and lungs. During the first year they completed the gamaknife treatment on the other brain tumor, the treament has kept the tumor from growing. Even though they have had success in stablizing the cancer, due to the high stage of the cancer it will never go into remission. The first year was extremely hard on my DH, he wouldn't talk about his emotions and feelings. It was also difficult to get information from him when we spoke with his family. I would usually have to call one of his sisters to get all the information. However, I would say the hardest was talking with BIL when he would have a bad doctors appointment or if the chemo treatment wasn't working...you just don't know what to say to them.

This past winter my FIL was diagnosed with esophageal cancer as well. Fortunately it was at the early stages so they were able to remove it. In February he had an esophagectomy (remove of the esophagous and pulling the stomach up in its place). The surgery was a success and FIL is back to normal. No chemo or radiation was necessary.

With the health issues in DH's family it was made him very much aware of his own health. Besides the cancer his brother, 2 sisters and mother have celiac sprue disease (allergy to wheat & gluten). His dad had and 2 sisters have barretts esophagous as well. This past spring and summer DH has had 2 endoscopies. They found an ulcer which he is being treated for and is scheduled for a third endoscopy this September to hopefully determine if he too has barretts esophagous. They have determined that he is negative for celiac sprue, which is very good news.

This upcoming August BIL turns 40 and we are all celebrating by going to Atlanta. This August we are also going to be participating in our 2nd annual Relay for Life.

It is hard to think of, but in reality I know that my BIL will not be able to live a full and healthy life as he would have been able to cancer free. And I know when that difficult time comes it is going to be extremely hard on my DH and his family. I just hope I can be as supportive as possible and be there when he needs me.

Thank you winter biscuit for starting this thread. This will be a great place to talk about our feelings and help each other out during these difficult times.

[sinderstorm]

Cancer has hit very close to home for me, but in my DH rather than in a parent/IL. Caleb was diagnosed borderline stage 2/3 testicular cancer (there is no stage 4) back in 2001. He had 2 surgeries, and 3 rounds of intense chemotherapy over the course of 4 months. We weren't married yet, weren't even engaged, but it sealed the deal that we knew we would get married. He was declared in remission in Feb 2002. All was well, or so we thought.

Just 2 weeks ago, he found another lump. Initially, it was thought to be an infection, but he just finished 10 days of antibiotics without any change in it. So he's got an appointment with his oncologist next week. Likely they'll biopsy it and run his tumor markers again (he's on a 6 month check protocol and is due for another check next month). Needless to say, I'm terrified of finding out that his cancer is back. I'm scared that there is a chance that its had potentially 5 months to advance since his last check and has moved from the lump we found into other parts of his body. I'm trying to think positively and we agreed not to tell our families until we know for sure, so my online friends are my only outlet for these fears at the moment.

Sorry for the emotional dump- and so sorry to everyone else who is dealing with family with cancer- it really is the illness from hell.

[jessied1025]

sinderstorm I am so sorry to hear about Caleb. May HUGS coming your way! I too would be a nervous wreck. If is is cancerous, I hope it has not spread. Please keep us posted on the oncologist appointment next week.

You and Caleb are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Bellefior]

Apologies in advance for the length of this.

I lost my mother in January 1998 to colorectal cancer. By the time they discovered she had cancer (August 1996), it was already at stage 4 and had spread to her liver. Chemo was successful for a while, but eventually, it stopped working.

I remember that I whenever people asked how my mom was doing, I would tell them she was fine, even if she wasn't. Some of them also didn't know what to say to me, which didn't help at all, and some just ignored the whole thing, as if that would make the situation go away. I never talked too much about it, I figured it wasn't any of their business and didn't want people to feel sorry for me. The exception was my best friend, whose dad was also diagnosed with terminal lung cancer and strangely enough, had the same doctor and chemo nurse that my mom did (and this was at a major Boston hospital). His dad died 6 weeks before my mom did. In a strange way, he was probably the one person who really understood what I was going through and how I felt, because he was going through it as well.

Deep down, even when the chemo was working, I knew she was never going to get completely better and some day I would have to face the fact that this awful disease would kill her (doctors estimated she had about a year and a half, and she lived for 17 months). I suspect your husband may not want to talk about it because he doesn't want to face the fact that someday, a lot sooner than he planned, his dad will be gone. I know that's how I felt and that was why I didn't want to talk about it. I also know I felt very frustrated by the fact that my mom couldn't do the things she used to because she would get tired easily from the treatments and the disease. She was someone who did everything for everyone, and I know she hated not being able to do as much as she used to (though she still managed to do some of the things she loved to, like cooking). We rely so much on our parents to be there for us and are so used to them (and us) being in control, that its very frightening when faced with this kind of a situation over which neither you or they have control.

One of the things I did do was I began seeing a social worker on a weekly basis and it really helped to talk to someone who didn't know me or my mom. I made this decision on my own after practically having a meltdown at work over the fact that my mom was going to die combined with the fact that my fiance' (long distance relationship) broke it off over the phone after I pushed to set a date to get married while mom was still alive (but that's another story for another thread). I knew I had to be strong since mom was depending on me, and the counseling really helped because she was someone who wasn't directly involved in the situation and had a more objective viewpoint than someone who was involved.

That's not to suggest that your husband should seek counseling or a support group, unless he wants to, and its not something he should be forced into. But it might not be a bad idea if you went to one of these groups, even w/o your husband, if you feel the need to. It might give some sense of perspective to talk to others who are going through it as well.

I hope what I've written here can help you understand why he might not want to talk about it. All I can suggest is to be there for him, and help your ILs in anyway you can, whether its cooking a meal for them, doing laundry, or even just spending time together. Although it's difficult, try to be positive and upbeat around your FIL, they say a positive attitude can make a huge difference. Hugs to you both, I know this is a difficult situation.

[sheartm7]

Bellefior, I'm so so sorry for your loss. :(

My mother found out last summer that she had breast cancer. It runs in our family, so I'm always a little nervous for myself, my sisters, and our future children. She suffered through chemo during the fall and winter, and then had radiation. It was a very difficult and tense time for our whole family.

Fortunately, they caught it pretty early, so she should be fine. She'll just have to have a check up every 6 months.

[alibaba]

sinderstorm - I'm so sorry to hear about Caleb. I can't imagine how I would be if DH was diagnosed with cancer. :( Like jessied1025 said, please come back and update us next week when you find something out. You guys are in my thoughts and prayers.

Winter Biscuit - I'm glad I could be of some help. I know it must be hard for you to not be able to do anything. But just know that your husband will need you, if not right now in the future.

[Candy]

Nov. will be 10 years since my mom passed away from lung cancer. It's been tough, but I've become a much stonger person as a result. The birth of my daughter 5 months ago was diffiuclt for me, but I survived. Mom was very young, only 41.

[Jen&Dan]

I am so sorry to hear about your FIL. Cancer sucks, and it is such a tough road to go down. Less than a month before our wedding my FIL was diagnosed with lung cancer. Dh had a very hard time dealing with everything. I wanted him to talk to me and tell me how he felt, but he was pretty quiet about the situation. He really kept everything bottled up inside. One day it just all came out. His father was the first person he has ever lost, it was very hard. To this day it is still hard, but it always will be. The best thing to do is to just be there for your Dh and the rest of the family. It is a long hard road to go down. I wish your family all the best.

[Phen]

I was diagnosed with breast cancer (stage 2) in March, had a bilateral mastectomy in April, and I'm on my third of six rounds of chemo right now. I have the breast cancer gene mutation (my mother, grandmother, and great-grandmother all had breast cancer, too), so my chances of another cancer--like ovarian--are rather scary.*

DH has been amazing (he shaved his head to support me when my hair started falling out), but I do worry that he's bottling things up. I wish he would go with me to one of my cancer support group meetings, but, you know, men and their "feelings are yucky" thing.

Cancer DOES suck. I'm so sorry that everyone here has gone through/is going through this.

~ phen

* sheartm7, there's some amazing things coming for BRCA1/2 carriers, so take heart! :)

[HeatherFL]

Phen I had no idea. My thoughts are with you. And my goodness those are two beautiful-ABSOLUTELY beautiful-children you have. I am sorry you have to go go through this. Nothing but the best to you.
_____________________

I am a three time cancer survivor. At the age of 18 (In January 1995), I was diagnosed with Hodgkin's IIIB Nodular Sclerosis. I underwent 12 rounds of chemotherapy, three operations and went into remission. At age 21, I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in August of 1997. I had two laser operations and partial removal of my cervix. After the second laser operation I saw my doctors and they said I was healing wonderfully. That was September 1997. A month later, I went to the Emergency Room thinking the Hodgkin's had relapsed. October 4, 1997 I was diagnosed with Acute Lymphocytic Leukemia (aka ALL). They said at the rate it was progressing I would not live to see the age of 22. I celebrated my 29th birthday in May.

I have been so fortunate that the media has embraced my story which has allowed me to spread cancer awareness-especially in the adolescent cancer world. I have received awards from Eckerd Drugs, Glamour Magazine, Chambers of Commerce, CoverGirl cosmetics and so on. I have been featured in various newspapers and magazines, made appearances on national and local talk shows. I speak at high schools and colleges and I have been a spokesperson for the Leukemia and Lymphoma Society since the age of 19. I have been a part of their Team in Training program for five years. I have also completed two events myself although the doctors said I never could do it because of heart and kidney damage from the chemo. I also have 60% hearing loss in my right ear and 40% hearing loss in my left ear from nerve damage from the chemo.

Currently, we find that my kidney function levels are declining. I don't remember life before cancer was a part of it. It's like my thumb. I wouldn't know life without it. My entire "legal" adulthood, cancer has been part of my life.

Sometimes it's hard because I am somewhat desensitized. I forget that it isn't such a HUGE part of other peoples' lives. I forget that it's not the normal topic of dinner conversation for other people. It's just so normal for me to talk about that sometimes I have to stop myself and remember that for other people it's not such a normal thing.

On that note, I am the luckiest person in the world because I truly give thanks for each breath I take. I do get down from time to time. I HATE cancer and I hate what it does to families. I hate when children get cancer. I hate seeing what cancer does to people whom I admire. But I also feel that I can either sit by and accept things or I can fight a good fight. For every person who has passed from this disease, there is a doctor learning something and a scientist doing something so it stops happening. There are people out there like me who didn't have to know them to know what they went through. I do what I do in honor of them and their families. And I plan on being an advocate until my last breath.

Thank you for starting this thread. And thank you all for sharing.

Heather

[KristyK]

As I sat here reading everyone's stories, my eyes well up with tears. Even though I don't "physically" know all of you, I feel like I know most of you for the trials and tribulations I've read about over the years.

Phen, I was a constant lurker when you were trying to get pg, and then had your beautiful boys, and now with the cancer, I've been lurking to see how you're doing. My thoughts and prayers are with you all the time.

Heather, I remember going to the store to get a specific magazine you were going to be in, when I first met you here online! You are such an inspiration for everyone and I wish you only the best, and think of you all the time too.

Sinderstorm, I also remember when Caleb was first diagnosed and all the stuff you two wen through. I am hoping the best for you guys too!

To everyone else, I'm sorry that cancer has affected your lives. It just plain stinks! It's a horrible disease and the fight will be there for years. Remember to be open and loving to those that are either fighting it, or have close family fighting it, you are going to be there after their loved one is gone, and you don't want them thinking of that time as you not being supportive of them through their families fight.

I say this because I had to deal with it myself. The fights and arguments are still in my thoughts, a lot. Do what you can to help, offer meals, offer babysitting (if needed), be there for people, and when someone says they are "fine", usually they aren't, but don't press, just continue to offer. I declined many offers for help, when I really needed it, and I almost suffered a nervous breakdown. I wish I had said "yes" more often, because I really needed it. My first DH died in 1994 at the age of 33 from Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. It was a 5 year battle and it took a hard toll on me, not only physically but mentally. I've dealt with my demons, but I think of my DH almost daily, still, 11 years later. When I dream, it's about him, never about my present DH. Maybe my demons are still there and that's why I dream about him, I don't know, but I truly still miss him. I still curse those that didn't help when they could have, and I know I need to just let that go. I'm sorry, I'm going off here.

Just be supportive, in any way you can with your DH's and their family members. I'm sorry for you ladies that had your moms died, I love my mom and can't imagine life without her. I know I need to appreciate her more, because of that fact, because she's not healthy.

Ok, enough of my tangent. I wish I could do more for all of you. Just know that you are all in my thoughts and prayers, and I wish I could give all of you huge "hugs", because you all probably need it!

Kristy

[alibaba]

Phen - I'm so sorry you had to go through all of that. My thoughts and prayers are with you. You have two beautiful children :)

HeatherFL - I am in such awe reading your story. I can't even imagine having to go through all that at such a young age much less at all. You are truely a courageous woman. You inspire me.
I had a tiny scare when I was 19. My doctor found a lump in my right breast so I went to a specialist and he said it had to be removed right away. Thankfully it was a benign cyst. With my mother's history they didn't want to take any chances. I get scared every time I have to go get checked but I know it's what I have to do.
I'm so sorry to hear that your kidney levels are currently declining. Do you have to have dialysis? My thoughts and prayers are with you.

And you are so right when you say ..... For every person who has passed from this disease, there is a doctor learning something and a scientist doing something so it stops happening. I couldn't agree more!

[moderngal]

Next month, it'll be 4 years since I was diagnosed, originally with thyroid cancer, and then with multiple endocrine gland cancer. I had surgery and multiple rounds of radiation and injectable medications. I didn't have chemo, since apparently it doesn't do anything for my type of cancer. I've been in remission since April. This is the first year since being treated that I don't have to have radiation treatments- instead I'll have some other other imaging done to make sure there's no re-growth and then I get another year of no radiation. :)
It's been a rough road- I was diagnosed only a few months after my wedding. But DH has been my rock. And we're now lucky enough to have a beautiful and healthy son.

When I was 8 years old I had stage 1 skin cancer- I don't remember much about it except that I had surgery. I think it was pretty benign, if you could call cancer benign. Guess it's a good thing I can't really remember it. :o

[evagatesgreen2]

My mother was diagnosed with colon cancer a little over two years ago, she avoided going to the doctor for so long that the tumor was roughly the size of a softball when she went in and she had to undergo a full hysterectomy and she now has a colostomy bag . She underwent continuous chemo and radiation. She went in for a check-up recently and right now she has the all clear sign.

I was diagnosed at 16 with rhabdomyosarcoma, it was attached to my cervix. They did an initial surgery to remove the majority of it as well as implant a portacath, I was put into a group that was being treated with a new range of chemo which lasted a few months until the tumor had been reduced a great deal and they wanted to remove what was left. I had a hysterectomy four days before my 17th birthday followed by six weeks of radiation. Aside from glitches with my system now and then I have been cancer free for...wow I guess it has been eight years now.

[Winter Biscuit]

I'm sorry to hear about the pain and struggles that everyone has gone through, but I do hope that talking about it/them will help all of us in some way.

Phen, I was especially sorry to read about your experience. I remember being in the 2ww with you on WC (I never posted much back there), and then later I remember feeling happy when I saw in your signature that you were expecting twins. You will beat this; I have no doubt.

[yby1]

My father was diagnosed with colon cancer this past April. He had colon resection surgery to remove the large tumor in his sigmoid colon in May. He was supposed to undergo light chemotherapy after that, but unfortunately, we found out the one of his lymph nodes was involved, and that more aggressive treatments would need to be done.

In June, he started 30 treatments of radiation. The radiation treatments was coupled with chemotherapy that was slowly administered through a pump 24/7 for a month. He had a little break this month, but today he is starting his next round of chemo. This time he has to goes in for treatment for 3 weeks (one day a week) then has one week off - this goes on for 5 months. Hopefully he'll get the all clear when this is all done. :)

It's been rough, but my Dad is still in very good spirits. We're just taking it one day at a time and hoping for the best.

[framboise]

I'm really sorry to hear about everyone's experiences with cancer. It is such a horrible disease.

My mom was diagnosed with breast cancer when I was in 5th grade. She had a mastectomy & chemo, went into remission for a while, was re-diagnosed twice, faced additional surgeries and treatments, it spread throughout most of her body and after 8 years of fighting, she passed away when I was a senior in high school. Seeing how much pain she was in was horrible. In spite of everything, she was always so brave and so positive. She is my hero and I miss her terribly every day - even years later.

My dad, brother & I have been involved with the American Cancer Society's Relay for Life over the past few years. It has been a very positive way for us to give back to the community that supported us when we were having such a difficult time. It is also a way for us and our friends to come together to remember my mom and others who have lost their battles as well as the survivors in our lives. Our team always starts off in memory of my mom, but the team members also walk in memory of their other friends and family. My fiance and his family are becoming involved with the Relay as well to support me and to remember the family members they lost. I recommend that anyone looking to remember a loved one look into getting involved with the Relay for Life - it has been a great experience for me. And if anyone dealing with cancer now needs support of any kind, the American Cancer Society is a wonderful resource.

My thoughts and prayers are with all of you. Thank you for sharing your stories and experiences. I wish for the most complete and speedy recoveries possible for you and your loved ones.

[PaisleySloan]

I'm glad I found this thread. Perhaps someone can shed some light on this for me.

First of all, I'm deeply sorry for those of you who have been effected by this condition. I can't imagine the pain you ladies must've felt as you, your families and close friends have battled this illness. My prayers are with you all.

Here we go. My dad hasn't been feeling well lately. He's been having trouble eating - he has to go to the bathroom immediately after ingesting anything. He's had stomach pains and has lost some weight. At first glance, they thought he had gall stones - easy to handle. They just did some other tests and it turns out he has lesions on his liver which are typically indicative of stomach or pancreatic cancer. He's scheduled for some type of arthroscopic exam next week, where they'll go into his liver, stomach, bile ducts to determine if it is in fact cancer.

I feel like it's too soon to tell anything, but I'm just beside myself. He's so upbeat and I can barely get out a sentence when I talk to him! I just want to keep it together for him. He told me that us worrying about him hurts him worse then the possibility of cancer. Ugh! How do you deal with that?

I know this all may be premature, but I'm scared and I don't know if I'm jumping the gun. I almost feel like I'm preparing for the worst case scenerio, but at the same time still hoping for the best. This is all still pretty new information - he just told me last night. I thought perhaps a good night's sleep will shed some new light on the situation for me, but I woke up feeling just awful and helpless.

Thanks for listening.

[Anitsiva]

I recently found out that a good friend of mine has uterine cancer. She is 32 years old and a newlywed. She has to have a hysterectomy. She is not only dealing with the fact that she has cancer but also the fact that she will never bear children. My heart is breaking for her. She is going through so many emotions right now and I pray everyday that she will pull through this. I wish I could do more for her but I am just trying to keep things as normal as I can and let her know that I am hear if she needs me.

PaisleySloan, I hope that everything turns out ok for your father. Please come back and let us know how you and your father are doing.

I think that cancer has touched everyone’s life in some way and my heart goes out to all that have been affected by Cancer and my prayers are with all those that are battling the disease and there families.

[PaisleySloan]

Thanks for the kind words Anitsiva. I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. She's just so young. You're doing the right thing by letting your friend know that you're there for her. I'm sure it helps tremendously.

I just found out tonight that my dad does have cancer. They found a few spots on his liver, but they think it may be coming from somewhere else. Also, his kidneys are failing. They haven't discussed treatment options, how far along it is, etc. I have no idea what to expect next. I really want to call him right now, but I can't stop crying. I don't want to upset him any more than he already is. My mom says he's in great spirits and he told her not to go home and cry; that we have to deal with it and life goes on. I don't know how to deal with this. I don't know how to help. I'm at a complete loss.

[MLA]

I don't have any personal experience with cancer, and I'm very thankful for that. I just wanted to say that I'm so sorry that you've all had to deal with this disease.

And I wanted to say specifically to PaisleySloan that I'm so sorry to hear about your father. :( I went through something with my father where he was very sick and they couldn't figure out what was wrong. They thought he might have Leukemia (as well as a host of other things). It turned out not to be cancer and was very treatable. But I remember how lost and scared I felt during that time. I don't really have the words to properly express my sympathy -- just know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

[boilermaker]

The reach of cancer is far and wide, and my thoughts go out to all of you who are dealing with it now and who have been touched by it in the past.

To the OP, I can understand your feelings of helplessness and uncertainty. Death and illness are very difficult to deal with because there is no right way. Your DH is lucky to have someone who cares so much about him, but if he is not ready or willing to talk about it, there is not much you can do other than to let him know that you are there if he needs you.

My grandfather passed away from cancer 10 years ago this coming weekend. While it was very traumatic to me, I can only imagine what it was like for my father and his siblings. I still to this day have never heard my dad talk about how it affected him. I do know that he grieved (and still does) simply by noticing how his reactions to things changed. He is a very internal person, though of course I do not know what he shared with my mother during those times.

My grandfather had brain cancer and only lived 5 months after his diagnosis. He passed away when he was 66 years old. He was the oldest of 5 children and all 4 of his sibliings are currently battling different forms of cancer. Two of them are not doing well and it will be a blessing if they make it through the holidays. It is now generally believed that my great grandfather also had cancer, though he was never diagnosed due to his refusal to seek medical help. I am scared to death that my father and eventually my siblings and I will also be stricken with this disease that seems to run in our family. My dad refuses to get a wellness exam or any kind of yearly check-up. I know that if he were to get cancer, it would probably be too late to do anything as he has rejected the medical world in part due to their "failure" to save my grandfather. This scares the crap out of me. As the anniversary of my grandfather's death approaches, I can't help but think about it.

[PaisleySloan]

Just an update on my dad.

Turns out he is in the late stages of pancreatic cancer. It has spread to his liver, which is making it hard on the kidneys. They weren't going to to any dialysis because it was quite risky for him, but they decided to give it a go. Ugh!! I haven't heard from my mom yet about the outcome. Trying to keep a positive outlook is so difficult.

Thanks for listening.

[tinkerbelljenny]

PaisleySloan I am so sorry to hear about your father, I will keep him in my prayers and thoughts.

My dad passed away cancer in Feb 2004. He had Multiple Myeloma. He has 2 other siblings that also have this kind of cancer (my aunt and Uncle). Just about every one of my relatives on both sides of my mom and dad's side of the family that have passed away have had some type of cancer. I am so sorry to all of you for having to deal with this. I still am very angry about losing my father to cancer. I am sad to lose the most amazing father who won't be able to see my son grow up. I spent almost my whole pregnancy in another state away from my husband to take care of my father while he was dying. It is so hard to talk about.

[MoAl]

This is my first post here. I was told about this thread by someone on another message board that I frequent. I'm so sorry to read about all of the sadness and grief here. I'm even more sorry that my family has joined the ranks of those living with cancer.

My father in law is 60 years old- a wonderful man. In all respects, an older version of my dear husband. I've had the pleasure of being part of this family for almost 12 years.

Two months ago, my father in law was unexpectedly diagnosed with cholangiosarcoma- a very, very rare form of bile duct cancer. We were stunned, sickened, devastated- you name the emotion, we had it. He was scheduled for a surgery called a whipple procedure where they planned to resect his bile duct, gall bladder and large sections of his stomach, liver and pancreas. The surgery should have lasted about 7 hours. After 2 hours, the surgical oncologist came to the family waiting area, took us into a consultation room and told us the bad news--- they stopped the surgergy, didn't resect anything because the cancer had spread to his pancreas and liver.

Fast forward three weeks to yesterday. His first appointment with a gastroenterologist oncologist. We found out the initial diagnosis was wrong. In fact, we would have welcomed the cholangiosarcoma. Now, we're facing stage four pancreatic cancer. There are no words to describe how we feel--

Do you know what I mean when I say we feel isolated and alone? But yet, to read here, you step back and realize thousands of people are experiencing the same pain, sadness and struggle at this very moment. So the question becomes, what do you do? How do I best take care of my husband who is shutting down at the thought of losing his father? His best friend? Where do you or have you found the strength to be there for the family?? I have to snap out of this! I have to. I can't go on crying at work. No one here cares that I have a personal life. I'm supposed to leave it at the door, you know?

Please- any advice? Books to read? Anything? Or maybe we all can just continue talking and checking in with each other. I don't know.

[MoAl]

PaisleySloan,

it most unfortunately sounds as if our families are going through the same thing right now. It's a surreal feeling at this point, isn't it? I honestly feel like I'm watching this happen to someone else.

My FIL had gastrointestinal symptoms for a few months before he saw a doctor. By the time he did, he had severe itching and was starting to look jaundice, too. He's lost weight, has little appetite, is having trouble digesting food. It's awful. On Saturday, he'll have a cat scan to determine if his tumors are measurable. If so, he'll be eligible for two different trials at the hospital he's being treated at. One trial is in the second phase and is showing real promise. Everyone in the phase two trial is receiving the chemo "cocktail" if you will. The second trial is in phase three. The risk there is that if he participates, he will not know whether he's receiving the experimental treatment or the standard of care. I just pray that his tumors are measurable enough so that we can get him into this trial. I feel like that's our only hope right now. To the best of my knowledge, he doesn't have any lymph nodes testing positive, but he has metastasis, so that's stage IVB. Truly unbelievable. I just want to see my DH and FIL out fly fishing together and our family together sailing and playing board games and whatever. I want him there to see the birth of his first grandchild.

Any update on your father? I would love to talk with you whenever you need to chat. Please, feel free to use my e-mail.

[boilermaker]

PaisleySloan, I am very sorry to hear of your dad's diagnosis. I hope that the dialysis is able to help him.
MollyAllison, I also feel for you and your DH. Despite knowing that millions of people deal with cancer every day, it does feel very alone when you are personally dealing with it.

Though it has been many years since my grandfather's death, his situation was similar in that it wasn't caught until the very late stages. While I have had time for my grief to "heal", I am still thankful to this day that I spent as much time as possible with him and that we continued to live life. It seems like a very hard thing to do, but to put your greiving aside and make the most of what you have left is truely worth it. For me and my family, it was very tiring and just to spend an hour with my grandpa in a happy mood would send me into exhaustion. We even took a family weekend vacation, knowing it would be the last one but we enjoyed every minute of it and I treasure the pictures and the thought that my grandpa knew how much he meant to all of us.


tinkerbelljenny, my thoughts go out to you as well. With your aunt and uncle suffering the same cancer as your father, I would think that you can't even really grieve yet and that it keeps the wounds very fresh. I'm sorry that you have to go through that.

[MoAl]

boilermaker (sorry if I got your screen name wrong, I just blanked on it, I know it's boiler something!

Thanks for your kind words. We're trying very hard and in fact have discussed a family vacation. It has been especially tough because about one year ago, my MIL's father died of pancreatic cancer, too. She cared for him from the day of his diagnosis until he passed away-- it was only about two months. But for her now to see her husband be diagnosed with the same disease that took her father must be unbearable. While DH's grandfather was dying, he and I were unemployed so we spent as much time taking care of his grandfather as we could. Consequently we know exactly what he went through- and in large part, what to expect for his father. It's not a relief to know those details. I dread seeing my FIL in that position. The grief in our family is still so real from DH"s grandfather. It's almost too much, but I know we'll find a way to deal with it. We have no choice.

[RobynScott]

MollyAllison and others - I am so sorry for what you are going through.

DH's dad passed away from lung cancer 4 years ago this month - even though it was 4 years ago, it doesn't make it any easier.

MollyAllison - you asked what you can do now. Recently my DH said to me he wishes he talked more to his dad about the future - and about an 'afterlife'. Not sure if you believe in those things - but DH now wishes he knew more about it then to discuss with his dad and comfort him in his last days. Instead, we were so focused on his getting better, we did not discuss those things. While I am glad we focused on the possibility of his getting better - I know that this is something DH now wishes he discussed as well - sort of to comfort his dad if you will in case he did pass.

I'm not sure if this is something your Dh would feel comfortable with at any point - I'm just mentioning it b.c that is how my DH is feeling now. Most importantly - anything your DH wants to say to his dad - he should say it. G-d willing, your FIL will get into the study and get better and have many more years with all of you. But - that doesn't mean your DH shouldn't make sure he tells his dad whatever he needs to - KWIM? the same goes for you too.

I hope I'm not upsetting you by saying these things - but I know for my DH at least - having these conversations would have been a comfort to him. Even reading books about the afterlife (again - that's a personal belief) - helped DH to believe that his dad's spirit is still with him.

Let your DH talk when he needs to talk - grieve when he needs to grieve - and remember, you are part of the family too and entitled to your own emotions - yes you want to be there for your DH, but allow yourself to feel what you need to feel.

Again - I am so sorry for anyone going through this - it s*cks!

[bethnjim]

It is nice to find a place to talk. Our family found out yesterday that my mom has stage I breast cancer. She goes in on the 30th of this month for surgery and then she has to do 4 weeks of radiation. I am scared and upset and mad and hurt, but mostly scared. She is my best friend, the person I talk to 6 times a day and I don't know what I will do if something happens to her.

Breast cancer runs in our family. My great-grandmother, grandmother, grandmother's two sisters all passed away from breast cancer OR currently have breast cancer. Now my mother has it and the doctor's are pushing for me to start testing ASAP.

[RobynScott]

Bethnjim -

Hello old friend - I was talking to you a lot last year at this time!

I am so sorry to hear about your mom - just wanted to let you know that Scott's mom had the same (or a similar) diagnosis five years ago. She had a lumpectomy, chemo and radiation. I don't want to say anything more about her b/c Scott has this thing about 'jinxing' someone (or - as he would say - a kanehura - kind of a Jewish thing) - but I will say - that was five years ago and well ... we're thankful they caught it early.

I am so sorry to hear about your mom - but hope you can take some comfort in the fact that it's treatable.

I'll be thinking of you as well!

[MoAl]

Bethnjim,

I know how it feels, especially after just receiving the news. You are scared, no doubt. But thankfully, there has been a lot of great research and progress with breast cancer. And, in your Mom's case, they caught in early. I suppose that's no solace- cancer is cancer afterall. But she can beat this and you can be there to support her through it.

I hope that as we all go through these trying days, months, years, that we continue to talk with each other hear. It could be a very good thing to continue sharing our experiences and feelings with people. At least this is a place where we don't have to be afraid to show how we're feeling. So Beth, please keep us updated. As I will for everyone who has posted since the original thread started, I will keep your Mom and your entire family in my thoughts and prayers.

Molly

[bethnjim]

Hi Robyn,

Wow, I didn't realize you were on this board. Great to hear from you. I hope all is going well with you and your hubby! Thanks for the thoughts and prayers. It has been a long three months. We found out in May that my mom had four lumps and then found out when she went to UPENN for additional imaging that they found another. She ended up having to go through 5 biopsies and the first 4 they did were EXTREMELY painful for her. Between doctor's visits and just being there for her, my schedule has been jammed pack.

Hi Molly,

I will definitely keep everyone updated here. So far, from what the doctor's have told us, they are extremely positive that the cancer is contained and with treatment, there is a 100% survival rate. My mom is TERRIFIED of the radiation treatment and suggested last night that she thinks she will "skip radiation" and just get the lump removed. I had quite a bit of family backing me up and saying that she needed to do radiation as well. We have a meeting with the doctors again on the 29th and we hope to find out additional information about choices and options, etc. My mom is a teacher and her school starts back the day after labor day so she is hesitant to do radiation while she teaches.

Thanks as always for the support!

[RobynScott]

Hey Beth,

I had seen you on WC too - but I never wanted to invade your space - if you know what I mean - but I couldn't not say hello here.

Just to let you know - my MIL had radiation and chemo - thankfully she never lost her hair - and really seemed to tolerate radiation quite well. I'm sure your mom is scared - but (hopefully) the radiation shouldn't be too bad.

Keep in touch - I can't even imagine what your schedule is like these days!

Robyn

[HeatherFL]

alibaba Thank you so much. I am going through some testing right now to see what exactly is going on. They think we might be able to handle things with oral therapy (pills) for now. Dialysis and transplant may come later in the future.

MollyAllison It is so easy for me to hand out advice, all the while I know that this is so hard beyond words. I wish there was something I could do or say to help you and your family. All I can write is to be there for him. You don't have to always keep it together. If people can't accept that, it's their problem. NOT yours.

I have found through the years that surrounding myself with the loved ones of patients and survivors as well as with other survivors, it inspires me and gets me through.

Just please know that you will all be in my thoughts.

~H.

[MoAl]

Heather, that's just it though-- what you don't realize is that it's people like you who are the inspiration for others! So as you, too, have needed to surround yourselves with others who motivate and inspire you, please know you've no doubt been that same person for so many people in need of the same support. You are truly an amazing person. I am in complete awe of you. Honestly. When people tell me there are always miracles and we have to keep heart, I will remember what I've read here today about your past experiences.

In a way, I feel foolish for being so whiney about how I feel- how DH feels- what this is doing to our family, when it's my FIL who is facing the disease. He's the one I feel such sadness for. You must be one strong young lady and no doubt whomever is in your life is very fortunate to have you!

Thanks so much for sharing your story with us-- it gives me a reason to smile and to hope and to be strong for my FIL. Really, I can't thank you enough.

[Winter Biscuit]

I started this thread a while ago and while it's nice to see this thread has grown and has provided an outlet for so many, I'm still sorry that it's a horrible thing like cancer that unites all of us.

My FIL lost his battle with cancer last Thursday 8/11/05. We buried him this past Monday. We last saw him on the Sunday before he died, and we were told he had 6 weeks left. We could tell that he probably wouldn't make it that long, but we didn't expect him to die just a few days later. We thought he had at least 2-3 weeks left. He slipped into a coma last Wednesday night, and died early Thursday morning. Thursday was also my niece's (his granddaughter's) 1st birthday. At first I thought it was sad and horrible that he died on his granddaughter's birthday. But now I've chosen to look at it this way: he knew that we would all be getting together every year on or around August 11 to celebrate her birthday, and this was his way of ensuring that he could join in the family celebration. Some people might think it's weird for me to think that, but it brings me comfort.

I keep thinking about what my FIL's passing has taught me. I know this sounds so cliche, but the one thing that really comes to mind is that we HAVE to live for today, and we have to treat each day as if it were our last.

We did say our final goodbyes to FIL on the Sunday before he passed, even though we expected to see him again, but I can't help thinking "what if we hadn't?" We are very fortunate that we had an opportunity to tell him what we needed to tell him; I know many people don't have that chance.

I am just sad because we had talked about having family portraits done this summer and we never did.

I am sad because he had always wanted to go to Alaska, and he had a trip to Alaska planned for this month. He had no way of knowing that his health would deteroriate so much that he would never make it to Alaska. I am also sad because his cancer forced him to retire earlier this year. He was 61 when he was diagnosed; 62 when he died, but he never retired earlier because he thought he'd be bored out of his mind. A few months ago he was telling me that he "should've" retired a few years ago so he could have enjoyed the things that he had been "saving" for retirement. He never got a chance to enjoy those things. See what I mean when I say that we have to live for TODAY?

If there is one thing I can share with anyone who is facing this horrible disease, or who has a loved one who is facing this disease, it's that we need to remember that tomorrow isn't promised. We need to tell our loved ones what we need and want to tell them, and not take for granted that we'll see them "next week" or "tomorrow" or "next time" and have a chance to tell them then. We need to live each day as if it were our last, so that we have no regrets whatsoever. And we need to take LOTS of pictures!!!!!!

[MoAl]

Winter Biscuit, first of all, thank you so much for starting this thread. Obviously, it is something that so many of us are dealing with and need to talk about. It's hard to know where to go.

I'm so sorry to read that your FIL's battle is over, but yet, to know that he doesn't have to suffer any more must mean so much to you and your family. I guess I really don't know what to say. I'm sitting here desperately trying to adjust to the news we received yesterday, knowing my FIL is not likely to survive more than a couple of months. My heart is broken. I don't know how you feel right now, but I am beginning to understand.

It's wonderful you had the opportuni-- you know what--- I can't finish this right now. I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry for your family's pain and sorrow right now. Please, keep coming back here and talking about it-- if it helps, that is. I'm just not quite at the place where I can say what I wish I could to you. I'm just so sorry. How is your husband doing?

[tinkerbelljenny]

Winter Biscuit...I am so sorry for your loss. Your FIL sounds alot like my dad. My dad never retired from his job, when he was in a wheelchair because his bones kept breaking, he still continued to work. And my dad wanted to go to Hawaii so bad just like your FIL and Alaska. My dad kept talking about it and then made reservations but my dad ended up dying 3 days before he was suppose to get on the plane for Hawaii.
We need to live each day as if it were our last
So true......

I know it is hard and it continues to be hard and sad for me but remember to always think of the good times you had with your FIL and cherish them.

[Bellefior]

WinterBiscuit your post brought tears to my eyes because your FIL sounded so much like my mom--she "retired" when she found out she had cancer and never got to do half the things we planned on doing when she retired (including a trip to Italy so she could see her parents' birthplace where I had been but she never had). My sincerest condolences to you and your family. Know that your FIL is in a better place with no more pain and suffering and that he will always be with you. And for anyone who is reading this, let me echo the previous comments by saying please don't put off anything you really want to do with or say to your loved ones.

[PaisleySloan]

Winterbiscuit, I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. It hits me so deeply.

My father lost his very short battle with cancer last night. I can't believe it happened so fast. Within two weeks! He was diagnosed, brought in for tests and he never came home. The cancer had completely shut down his liver and his kidneys were just useless. The dialysis did nothing to help. His heart started behaving erratically yesterday, so we went up to see him. He was so restless - they gave him some morphine for pain and ativan for anxiety. We left the hospital at 10:30, and got the call at midnight to come back. He was already gone when we arrived.

Services are being held for him this Saturday. I think I'm still in a state of shock. I don't know what to do with myself.

[tinkerbelljenny]

PaisleySloan ...I am so sorry to hear about your father. My prayers are with you. Please if you need anything, please email or PM or if you just need to talk.

[RobynScott]

Winterbiscuit and PaisleySloan - I am so sorry! I wish there was something I could say - just know that there are people out there that are thinking of you and your families.

I am so sorry for both of your losses.

Robyn

[MLA]

Winterbiscuit and Paisleysloan -- I'm so sorry for your losses. My heart goes out to both of you, and you'll be in my thoughts.

[MoAl]

PaisleySloan,

I don't know what to say. I am saddned for you and for your family. The shock and pain must feel almost unbearable at times. Do you have people you can talk to openly-- friends, family that you feel completely comfortable with? Please, please keep posting here. We will keep listening and talking with you. I know none of the words we say are any solace, but know there are people out there who are thinking about you and wish you God speed.

I don't know if you read my earlier posts, but we just found out on Tuesday that my FIL has stage IV pancreatic cancer. I'm terrified he's going to leave us quickly, too. So please, don't shut down and push people away. Keep talking and do whatever you need to to start your healing process. I suppose it will be a life-long process, and a painful one at that, but you need support to get through it. We're here for you. I'm just so sorry. (((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))) to you.

molly

[Bellefior]

Paisley, please know that I am thinking of you and your family as well.

[boilermaker]

Paisley and Winter, I am so sorry to hear about your losses. You and your families will be in my thoughts and prayers. Many hugs to you both as you go through these difficult times.

[HeatherFL]

Paisley and Winter, you will both be in my thoughts.

MollyAllison Thank you for your kind words. You truly humble me.

Please don't ever feel bad for your feelings. Your husband is lucky to have someone as wonderful and as supportive as you!

~H.

[Winter Biscuit]

PaisleySloan I am so sorry for your loss. I hope you find comfort in the wonderful memories you have, and I wish you strength for the tough days ahead.

I want to echo what a few others have already said: please keep coming back here if you want or need to talk. That's what this thread is for.

[PaisleySloan]

Thank you everyone for all your kind words!

We have a huge amount of love and support coming from all over the country. My friends are just rallying and I love them all for it. My husband has been nothing but wonderful through this whole ordeal. So many people loved my dad - it's just heartwarming to hear about all the lives he touched with just a smile and a silly joke. He will be deeply missed by everyone.

Molly, I'm sorry to hear about your FIL. My dad had other complications in addition to the cancer - he was diabetic and had a prior heart condition. I know it's scary to think that you might lose him too soon. Just cherish the time you have with him and make sure he knows exactly how you feel.

Another comfort to me is that so many people are commenting on how happy my dad was the day of our wedding. He was just beaming!! That's their last memory of him, and it's a great one!! I'm so glad and feel so fortunate that he didn't have to suffer.

I'm all about the communication. Holding in all these feelings - it's just poison. I'm crying all over Los Angeles - LOL! I was just out picking up some lunch for my honey and I and I cried while waiting. I just blend right in with all the crazies! I love LA!

[framboise]

Winter Biscuit, I'm so sorry to hear that your FIL lost his battle. I really hope that you, and your husband especially, will be able to grieve but then remember the wonderful time you had with your FIL. Lean on each other and continue to stop by here to let us know how you are both doing.

PaisleySloan, I am so sorry to hear that you lost your father. I can't believe how quickly his situation progressed! That is just shocking. I am glad to hear that your friends are proving to be a wonderful support for you. You are very fortunate in that regard. I hope tomorrow's services bring you and your family some comfort, as difficult as they may be.

[carolc]

I came here thinking about starting a thread for those supporting a spouse losing a parent, but saw that this thread is already here, so maybe I'll just post here.

We are losing my FIL to a rare blood cancer. He has had the cancer for years, so we have always known that this time would eventually come, but it's hard all the same. He's recently declined pretty steeply, and has been in the hospital for about 2 weeks now. They actually transferred him to a skilled nursing facility for one day, but then he got another infection and landed back in the hospital. At this point it seems unlikely that he will come home, though the course of this cancer is uncertain enough that we don't know whether he has days, weeks, or months.

My FIL and I are not really close, so my issues here are really about supporting my husband through this--I feel like a total idiot, novice, whatever, as neither of us has ever been through something like this--and about introducing the concept of sickness and dying to my toddler. :( That's a really hard one. She knows and loves her Grandpa--we just visited him.

[MoAl]

carolc, I'm very sorry to hear of your FIL. I know, to an extent, what you're going through-- though I can't imagine what it's like having your little child there during this hard time, too. My FIL is very ill. I've talked about it in earlier posts, but he has stage IV pancreatic cancer and is just starting chemo. We're praying for the best and doing the best we can to spend time with him, though we live in different states.

My husband doesn't want to talk about any of it. I can see his sadness and worry come out in other things, however. He's very testy at work with his employees. And we just moved into a new house and he's being very odd about getting this straightened away, painting, etc. He seems to be redirecting his energy into pretty much everything other than his Dad. He adores his father. And it's heartbreaking to see. I wish I had something to say that would help you. Just know I'm struggling with this right along with you. And everyday is a new day and we're thankful to have it with him here in our lives. Some days are better than others of course, but there is always this cloud hanging over our heads. It's very hard.

Please remember to take care of yourself! We've decided to make our home after work "cancer-free." We don't talk about it, research it, etc. It's just too much to handle and will consume you if you let it. Be sure to take time for your family to do things that make you happy. You'll get through this. I'm happy to chat with you more if you like.

[carolc]

He seems to be redirecting his energy into pretty much everything other than his Dad.

Yes, this is my husband too. He's doing all these yard projects we've been putting off for months. He also does not want to talk about it, really. I have no idea whether to try harder to get him to express himself or just let him be.

Some days are better than others of course, but there is always this cloud hanging over our heads.

Yes, I feel this way too. We talk to MIL almost every day about his condition, and it's very much a roller coaster thing. He's better, he's worse, he's better, he's worse. Every day feels like it could be his last, and things have been very bad several times, but then he rebounds a little and everyone is hopeful again. That almost makes it worse when he gets another infection or gets sicker for another reason. :(

We are very far away, which is also hard. We've been up there several times, but DH feels bad that he can't be there like he wants to be.

[magrat]

My aunt is dying from cancer right now, may have already happened, I haven't had news since last night (I asked my parents not to tell me at work because I couldn't handle that.) She had breast cancer and one removed 11 years ago. She had to stop taking the anti-cancer medication after 10 years and there are new studies showing that it can cause much more aggressive cancer when you stop taking it. About 8 months ago she found a lump in her other breast. When she had almost recovered from that, they found more there, in her kidney, and a suspect spot in her lung. 6 months ago she had a kidney removed, but it was too late. The cancer had already entered her bloodstream, and kidney cancer does not respond to chemo. It's the most aggressive form of cancer and it has all happened so quickly. A month ago they said there was nothing more they could do, and she entered a hospice two days ago. She's 62, has three sons, the youngest a year younger than me - 25. She had so much she still wanted to do, her life has really been cut off just when it was getting good (recently retired, built a new home, new grandchild, etc). Our family is never going to be the same. I said goodbye to her 2 weeks ago and I really thought I'd be able to go up and visit again this weekend, but it's too late. At least I had a really nice and heartfelt goodbye. My FIL said that the only good thing about this is that everyone has had a chance to say goodbye, but for her it would have been much better to be run over by a bus. She isn't ready to die and has been continuing to fight it even in the hospice. It's been absolute torture for her and everyone involved. It's like being executed, only without ever committing a crime.

My mom is 10 years younger than her, and has already had ovarian cancer. Almost all 8 siblings have had some sort of cancer, and their mother died from it. I have this awful feeling I'm going to go through this with my mom when she is still fairly young, and it's going to kill me too. The only thing I can hope for myself is that I wasn't exposed to as many pollutants as they were as children and that by the time I really need to start worrying they'll have a cure. It has really increased my baby bug because I want my children to know my parents and my aunts and uncles and life is so important, it seems a bit silly to wait. My family is shrinking and I feel a need to add to it.

[tinkerbelljenny]

magrat I am so sorry about your aunt. Everything you wrote is exactly how I feel. I know that one day I will probably end up with cancer like the rest of my family and I want to be able to spend as much time as possible with my children. You said that your family with never be the same. I have found that to be true in my family. It is so different without my dad there, there is always a sadness there, we are not as close as we were before he passed, and I find myself lost at times without my father. And it sucks to think that these wonderful people who have never done any harm to anyone have to be "tortured" like this, it just isn't fair, it really isn't.

[magrat]

Thank you tinkerbelljenny, it's always nice to have people know what you're feeling. I just wanted to post that my aunt Barbara passed away not even three hours after my last post.

[PaisleySloan]

It has really increased my baby bug because I want my children to know my parents and my aunts and uncles and life is so important, it seems a bit silly to wait.
Mag, I'm so sorry to hear about your aunt, and your family's struggles with cancer. My thoughts are with you. I know how you feel about giving back to the family. My husband and I have been talking about this. I'm so sad that our future children (H has two sons) will never get to meet my dad. Kids loved him! All I can do is try to convey to them what a great person he was. <sigh>

I think it's so helpful that there are so many of us experiencing the same types of feelings - on some level anyway. It's so hard to do alone.

[MoAl]

When I first found out about my FIL, one of my first reactions was that this was the moment we've been waiting for- the moment when we knew it was right to have our first baby. Is that odd? I said to DH while I was crying one night that I wanted to have a baby. I wanted my FIL to be here for the birth of his first grandchild. And that if we do it now, we can make that possible for him. I keep wondering when will it be the right time to have a baby. And people keep telling me, there is never the perfect time. So I'm figuring this is it. DH thinks I'm nuts. I've backed off talking about it, but I can't help to think about this. Maybe I'm weird- maybe it's a bizarre reaction to horrible news. I don't know. But I know what you ladies are talking about. I just want my FIL to be here and for our first child to have an opportunity to know him-- if that's meant to be. Makes me sad just thinking about it. :(

[MoAl]

Magrat, I meant to tell you how sorry I was to read that your aunt has passed away. I'm sorry for your sadness and grief-- sorry for the emptiness you and your family feels right now. There isn't anything I can say to make you feel better, so I won't try. Just know we're here and thinking about you. Please keep coming back as long as you want to chat.

[kcjules]

My MIL was diagnosed with lung cancer in August 2004. She went on chemo until January of this year and has since been cancer free.

Last week she went to the doctors and they have found something again. She goes back on the 17th for more answers, etc. We're all hoping it's something less serious, but in the back of our minds we think the cancer may be back.

It's really been a rough year for our families.

[jessied1025]

kcjulesI hope everything is alright with your MIL. And if the cancer did come back they are able to treat it. You and your family are in my thoughts.

An update on my end...I posted a while back about my DH's side of the family with his brother having esophagus cancer and his dad having his esophagus removed due to cancer. BIL's cancer was found by a tumor is his right front part of the brain and after further testing they found that the cancer was at a level 4 (the highest) and already spread to his lungs, liver and brain.

About a month ago my BIL's PET scan & MRI indicated that the tumor they removed over 2 years ago had regrown and an additional 2 tumors have grown on the back of his brain. They did emergency surgery and removed the tumor that had regrown in the front of his brain. Last week they completed the gamma knife treatment (direct radiation) to the tumors in the back of his brain. Today he starts is new chemo treatment. We are all very hopeful that this will keep the cancer from growing and maybe even reduce it again.

[tinkerbelljenny]

I'm so sad that our future children (H has two sons) will never get to meet my dad. Kids loved him!
My dad would have been an awesome grandpa to my son. I feel robbed that my son will not have a Grandpa to grow up with. He will never know what it is like to have a Grandpa take him to the park or fishing.

Magrat I am so sorry to hear about your aunt.
My aunt currently has the same cancer that my dad died from (terminal) and his other siblings are too scared to get checked out to see if they have the same cancer.

One of my good friends told me last week that her dad has cancer and probably won't last much longer.

[tinkerbelljenny]

kcjules I hope your MIL is okay.

jessied1025 Your BIL is in my thoughts!

[Brady]

I wish I had seen this thread a couple of months ago. I haven't had time to read through it all (just this last page), but I wanted to first offer my condolenses to all.

My MIL passed away last month. Everything happened SO quickly. She was literally diagnosed in late June and died in early September. Never had any warning signs until the headaches in June. She had 6 brain tumors and the cancer was also in her lungs. So, there was really no chance for treatment, although they did try radiation.

I've seen others mention not knowing their grandchildren, and honestly I think that was the hardest part for my husband (and myself) to deal with, my son was only 6 months old when she passed away.. she last saw him when he was 5 months. She had told my DH that she just wanted my son to be able to hug her before she died, unfortunetly he just started doing that this month.... we never expected things to happen this quickly and it's almost like it still hasn't really registered, you know?? When he started crawling, I know how much it pained my husband not to be able to call his mother.. or when he was sick last month to not be able to call her for advice. I can imagine it is only going to get harder over the holidays, first birthday, etc. Cancer sucks.

In one sense you look at the bright side that she did get to meet her first and only grandchild, but on the flip, he was too little to really remember her, you know?

My own grandmother died of bone cancer when I was in college, and her husband- my grandfather, died 4 years ago from colon cancer.

I hate hate hate it.

[Elenna]

I'm in tears reading everyone's stories.

My MIL was diagnosed with Stage I ovarian cancer in June. She'd been feeling "off" for a couple of months and gaining weight around her middle. The doctors did ultrasounds, etc. but didn't see anything. Finally, she started to run a fever and went into the ER. It was there they found out she had a tumor. She had a complete hysterectomy that same month. They didn't find any evidence that it spread, but they were very concerned because the tumor they removed was a fluid filled mass of clear cell carcinoma 11 inches in diameter. The size and composition of it was why they didn't see it in the ultrasounds.

She's currently undergoing chemo. She is having some problems with it. Her last chemo treatment had to be cancelled because her platelet levels weren't high enough. They rescheduled the treatment for the following week and were going to use different drugs. We haven't heard from either MIL or FIL since the new drug treatment so we don't know how she's doing.

They haven't seen any evidence in her blood that the cancer spread. So, her outlook is good.

DH completely shut down when MIL announced the news. It was difficult living with him from the time we found out until the tumor was removed. I was very worried for him. Once the tumor was removed and the doctor announced he didn't see any evidence that it had spread DH opened up.

Regarding children...DH and I have felt a great need to have children ever since. We want our children to know their grandparents.

Thanks for listening. I haven't spoken to anyone on the boards about this.(Actually, I left the boards because this experience just so overwhelmed us). DH and I haven't really spoken to anyone outside the family about this.

[MoAl]

Hi everyone. I can't tell you how relieved I am to see new responses in this thread. I've been checking in hoping to see that someone was here for the longest time.

I'm having a really, really hard time right now. I've posted before, but in a nutshell, my FIL has stage IV pancreatic cancer with metastasis to his liver and bile duct- perhaps other locations. Surgery was unsuccessful. We feel blessed because he was eligible for a clinical trial. He opted for a phase 2 though he could have gone with a phase 3. He has chemo every week--- forever.

He's been in the hopsital a few times on and off with complications. He happens to be in the hopsital right now. We were supposed to take a last family vacation of sorts. My SIL and BIL are in Florida waiting for us. My in-laws were supposed to leave today, but obviously that won't be happening. Now, DH and I can't leave because of the hurricane.

I spoke with my MIL last night. The oncologists told my FIL that he cannot be further than 200 miles from the cancer center anymore. My MIL was very quiet and crying a little bit when she said to me, "There won't be any more family vacations." It broke my heart.

The sadness, anxiety and anticipated loss has taken hold of me and I'm not coping with it. I go through my days at work and try to act as if I'm fine. But I'm really, really not fine. And I can't take this all out on DH. It's too much for him.

My Dad told me I need to pray. That this was the only thing that got him through the death of my grandfather. I'm not a very religious person, but I'm looking for solace anywhere I can find it. How are you each dealing with this? It's the toughest thing I've faced-- ever. And I'm lost.

[Brady]

Elenna- I'm glad your MIL's outlook looks good.

Molly- I am so sad reading your story as it sounds like your FIL is at the point my MIL was when she actually found out. We were in such shock though over the whole thing, that I can imagine it must be so different when you have already been through so much and there was always the hoping that it *could* be cured. How long has it been since your FIL was diagnosed? I wish I had some advice for you on how to handle it, I think I still haven't accepted my MIL is gone. In her case, the only thing that "helped" was that she constantly told my DH how she had no regrets, she was so happy with her life no matter how short it was and for my DH to remember that always. Honestly, her having that attitude did help us somewhat.

I'm not sure I'm helping, or making any sense.. but I did just want to reply and give you my sympathies and prayers in dealing with this. My heart goes out to you, and everyone on this thread.

L.

[MoAl]

L., thanks for your kind response. To answer your question, my FIL was diagnosed with cancer sometime in May. But it was the wrong diagnosis. It wasn't until his surgery on July 27 that we found out the cancer had metastacized. And it wasn't until a few weeks thereafter that we found out the intial cancer diagnosis was wrong and that he has primary pancreatic cancer- stage IV.

His mental attitude isn't the best. He's incredibly depressed, sleeps all of the time. We call to talk to him sometimes and my MIL says he's sleeping in the middle of the day. He has stopped taking his anti-nausea meds. He's being rather non-compliant. It's really difficult to see him this way. But on the other hand, we can't expect him to put on a brave face just to make it easier for us. Though, I suppose that would be nice. Regardless, the entire situation is overwhelming. I know that he's spent the last two days in the hospital vomiting. I don't know why. And DH and I are afraid to lose him and don't know how to help my MIL. It's so draining...

[kcjules]

Thanks to everyone for their comments about my MIL.

Just wanted to update everyone on her condition. There is a spot in her left lung that's about 2cm big. It doesn't appear to be growing so they aren't going to put her through chemo again. She goes back in January to see if it has grown. There is also something by her ovaries that the doctors want to check out.

She is being so strong through everything and was the last time she had cancer. She kept such a positive outlook and I really admire her for that.

It's a good thing the doctors are keeping such a close eye on her and caught this early.

My thoughts and prayers are with everyone in this thread. Our families know what you're going through.

[Phen]

I'm sorry, y'all. Brady,Elenna, and kcjules, I'm sorry about your MILs; Molly, I hate to hear about your FIL. I wish I had some good advice on dealing with a close family member's cancer dx. I mean, my mom had breast cancer 11 years ago, but I barely remember those days now. I think I'm blocking it out, y'know?

I'm in a mini-holding pattern WRT my own cancer. I finished chemo just over a month ago and yesterday I had a CT/CAT scan and bone scan to confirm that I hope will say I am cancer-free. So far (knock on wood), the oncologist hasn't called with the test results. But I am glad about that, actually, because usually if he calls the day after a test, he doesn't have good news -- so I'm really hoping he forgets to call entirely and I have to call next week for the results and they tell me "oh, girl, you are so cancer-free it's not even funny!" ;)

If the test results are good, then I am having my final surgery (reconstructive) in early November.

And my hair is growing! It's still just peach fuzz on my head, but having had no hair since June, even peach fuzz is mucho excitement.

~ phen

[ejs]

Phen, that is WONDERFUL news!! I am so happy for you and your family!

[bethnjim]

We met with the oncologist yesterday and she told my mom that she now has stage II breast cancer and they gave us the treatment plan they feel would work best. 8 weeks of chemo followed by a possible second round of chemo and then that will be followed up with tamoxifen. It has been a really emotional few days for us and I would appreciate everyone remembering my mom in prayers.

[jessied1025]

mollyallison I am so sorry to that you and your family are going through this very difficult time. I don't even know what to say, but that I can totally relate to how you are feeling. In previous posts I spoke about my BIL haveing stage IV esophagous cancer. It has already spread to the brain, liver & lungs. In the past 2 years he has had 2 brain tumors removed and 3 gamma knife treatments on the brain tumors they cannot removed. Plus numerous rounds of different chemo treatments. The biggest thing that has helped me and DH is to stay positive, which is easier said that done. I have also done a lot of praying during this time hoping that maybe their is a maricle out there for him. I know what you mean about not being able to talk to DH about how you are feeling, because you know inside they are dealing with there emotions as well. Hang in there and please know that you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

elenna I am so happy to hear that you MIL's outlook is good.

phen Have you received your test results yet? Glad to hear that things are going well. Hurray for you hair starting to grow again..that is great news! :D

bethnjim I am so sorry to hear about your mom. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

As for my BIL, things are going as good as can be expected. Tuesday he had a blood transfusion and his chemo treatment. This latest round of chemo is really taking a toll on him. He is so skinny (he has probably lost 50 - 60lbs since he was diagnosed 2 years ago), has no apatite and sleeps all the time. Since the last brain tumor removal he has been home from work, which hasn't helped his morale. He doesn't even want to get out of the house, becuase he is affaird people will wonder why he isn't working. The thing that breaks my heart the most is he never seems to smile anymore.

[Phen]

bethnjim, I had stage II breast cancer, too--I know it's scary but the good news is that stage II is not a death sentence. Is she not doing any surgical stuff (or has that already been done)? Did you mean 8 weeks of radiation and then chemo? If she decides to do chemo, I very strongly recommend she have a portacath placed. It makes chemo (and all the necessary blood tests) a little bit easier and then you don't bruise as much or fry your veins.

jessied, that is heartbreaking about your BIL. And, yes, I just got my test results (had to call for them): my bone scan and CT/CAT scan both looked "real good," which I am taking to mean that I am cancer-free! :) I called my DH to tell him and he said he knew all along. Men!

~ Phen

[bethnjim]

bethnjim, I had stage II breast cancer, too--I know it's scary but the good news is that stage II is not a death sentence. Is she not doing any surgical stuff (or has that already been done)? Did you mean 8 weeks of radiation and then chemo? If she decides to do chemo, I very strongly recommend she have a portacath placed. It makes chemo (and all the necessary blood tests) a little bit easier and then you don't bruise as much or fry your veins.

When my mom's lump was first found on her mammogram and we went to the doctor to get them to look at it, they told us that she would need to do additional imaging, which we did. They then told us that she needed 4 biopsies, which she did. They then called her and said that they missed one of her lumps and that she needed to have another biopsy. She was really upset about it but went through with it. The last biopsy they did came back positive for cancer. On August 30th she had her first surgery which was supposed to remove the lump. The called her the second week of September to tell her that they needed to go back in because they missed a portion. She went back in for surgery on September 21st and they removed a larger portion of her breast and two lymph nodes. We were told before the last surgery that they would be removing two lymph nodes, but there was less than a 5% chance that the lymph nodes would be infected. They called us in on October 4th to tell us that they found cancer in the lymph nodes and they scheduled us to speak with an oncologist about the lymph nodes. She told us on Tuesday that mom would need a first round of chemo for 8 weeks followed by radiation and then there was a possiblity that a second round would be needed followed by the tamoxifan. THey already addressed the portacath issue with her and she is all for it because her veins are very difficult to find.

Sorry to hear about your battle with cancer. I followed your pregnany journal with your twins at the WC.

[girliegirl318]

Hi!


I'm relatively new to CC, but in February 2004 I was diagnosed with Carcinoid Cancer in my lung. I can tell you from the perspective of a relatively young mom, at that time I was 34, I felt like my world had been blown apart.
My tumor was found actually in November of 03, during an asthma attack - I had been having severe asthma problems for several weeks and nothing was helping, I was in my Primary Doctors office and she sent me for an x-ray to see if I was developing pnumonia since I was having such a terrible time. While I was gone, she consulted with my Pulmonary Dr. on the phone, when I got back they had decided I should go to the hospital for inpatient treatment. However, when she looked at the x-rays she noticed something on them and circled it and sent it with me to give to the pulmonary Dr.
Now, I couldn't breathe and I felt really really bad, I just called my Mom and husband told them I was headed to the hospital and that they were admitting me. I totally forgot about the x-ray and the spot - the x-rays got left in my car even.

Fast forward to my 2 week follow up - after I had spent 5 days in the hospital receiving treatment for my asthma - the Plumonary Dr. comes out into the waiting room and says "when you had your x-ray just now, were you wearing a necklace of any kind?" I said "no" - he said " well come back and look at this" There was a spot on the x-ray - then it clicked, yeah there was a spot on my x-ray that my primary Dr. took two weeks ago too. OH NO!!

He scheduled a CT scan for me - but they decided that is must just be scar tissue from my asthma and pnumonia that I've had in the past - However, my primary Dr. decided that wasn't good enough for her and sent me to a Thoracic Surgeon - well for some reason it didn't bother me in the least - I just thought he would agree and that would be the end of it - but when the surgeon came in the room after looking at my CT and was doing the exam - he said "Well at least you don't seem to have any symptoms yet" "Symptoms of what" I asked, "Your tumor" the surgeon said - I was completely shocked - I know my brain just shut down and I never heard another word he said.

I called my primary doctor after I left and asked if I should get a second opinion - this Dr. wanted to go in through my sternum, put me on a heart/lung bypass machine and take out my whole lung - WOW I went from scar tissue to this?

So on to 2nd opinion surgeon - My Mom went with me this time - I was better prepared - told him everything the first Dr. had said and he told me that he agreed with him up to a point - yes there was a big tumor in my lung - but he would go in through my ribs and only take out 2/3 of my lung - for some reason this sounded so much better to me - although before the surgery he did tell me that it was more than likely malignant - that totally freaked me out - how did I get lung cancer? I had never smoked, never really been around anyone that smoked, I didn't work around any kind of chemicals etc.

Although I would never wish this surgery on anyone - not even my worst enemy - it was hard - but I was so fortunate in that it turned out to be Carcinoid Cancer - which is relatively rare - especially in the lungs - it usually occurs in the intestines, gall bladder, appendix - but it is a very slow growing cancer and even though it can spread, my outlook right now is good - I still had to have CT scans every 3 months - and had a follow up PET scan at a year - and periodically I have a lymph node that looks funny but the next CT it will be back to normal, so I have not had to have any additional treatment, chemo etc. but I will have to continue with the CT scans for the rest of my life.

But the surgery itself to remove 2/3 of my lung was horrible - I had no idea you could hurt that bad - I have a scar that starts right under my right breast and goes around to the middle of my back along my rib line. For about 3 months I felt like I had been sawed in too and then put back together and I guess in some respects I was. I still have a large portion that is still numb
and I still have pain that shoots through my side often it seems for no reason at all. I had to have a follow up surgery in May 05 when my wires where my ribs were wired back together began to cause irritation and fluid build up - they drained the fluid and removed all but one wire.

I never really asked for any help with anything, tried to tell everyone that I was ok, and it wasn't a big deal - it was just a little tumor - but on the inside all I could think about was that I was going to die and who would take care of my kids...What would they do with out me to raise them and take care of them, especially my son - he won't even really spend the night away from home and is so very close to me, more so than my daughter - she is very independant and is never at home it seems. But I never told anyone all my fears until the night before my surgery, my bestfriend took me to a movie and we got to talking on the way home and I finally spilled my fears about dying to her and we were both bawling by the time we got home. But I never talked to my Mom, Sister, husband anyone - I felt like I had to be strong and brave for everyone else.

I know this was really long - but this is my cancer experience, maybe it helped with emotions from the flip side -

Phen - I've followed you with your cancer and I'm so glad that everything is looking good for you! I'm the one that left the hint for drinking contrast for you on your site. If you are like me though, you will get to where you don't really think about it until time for you CT scan and then worry until you get the results back - and then start all over again the next time.

[Elenna]

Phen: I'm glad your scans were good and that your hair is growing back.

Bethnjim: I'm sorry about your mom. I thought about her the other day when I heard on the Today Show about a breast cancer drug that is supposed to be really good at clearing up the cancer. (I'm sorry, but I'm blanking on the name of the drug. It starts with an "H"). I hope that your mom's doctors consider that drug as part of the treatment.

Girliegirl: Thank you for sharing your story. I'm glad nothing is showing up in the scans.

MollyAllison: I'm sorry you are having to go through this. How is your FIL doing now?

Jessied: How many more treatments does your BIL have left? Is he going to any cancer support groups?

Kcjules: Are the doctor's going to wait until January to check out the thing by your mother's ovaries? I really hope the spot in her lungs doesn't grow.

My MIL is doing ok. She had to get a shot every day for a week to boost her white blood cell and platelet counts. I'm not sure what the shots were, but she said they worked.

She said something this past weekend to DH that really hurt. She asked DH when we're going to give her grandchildren. She knows we are TTC. She knows we've been trying for almost a year. I understand where she's coming from, but it still hurt. DH assured her that we will give her grandchildren, even if they aren't biological.

[kcjules]

Kcjules: Are the doctor's going to wait until January to check out the thing by your mother's ovaries? I really hope the spot in her lungs doesn't grow.

They are going to do another x-ray in January to see if the spot in her lung has grown any.

They want her to see a gynocologeist (sp?) about the spot by her ovary. Still haven't heard any more about that.

[Kates]

I'm glad I found this thread. Cancer has effected my family once again.

We were just told two weeks ago that MIL has a tumor on her kidney. The doctor said that the tumor is cancerous, but he didn't do an biopsy:confused: . She is going in for surgery within the next month and if they can remove the whole tumor, she'll keep her kidney, if not, the kidney comes out. I'm not sure about radiation or chemo after the surgery, she didn't seem to think so.
FIL is taking it really badly, he is barely eating and he is a mess. I'm not sure he understands the whole thing. FIL has some medical issues, so when MIL goes into the hospital DH will stay with his Dad for a week.

We have also been dealing with my Dad's cancer for a long time now. My Dad was diagnosed with bladder cancer over 5 years ago, and it's been cystoscopy, after cystoscopy which told us that he still has abnormal cells. The doctor thinks the cancer may now be in the kidney or the surrounding area, but he can't see anything. That's the problem, they don’t actually see anything, it's the urinalysis that tells the doctor that he has abnormal cells. From what I understand the bladder cancer has not reoccurred. My Dad has had three treatments already, and he is going to start his fourth soon. He is 'lucky' that he has not had to do chemo or radiation as a treatment, I think his treatment is called immunotherapy.

We're trying to be positive about both MIL and my Dad, but sometimes it's like enough already. It just feels like we have been in a holding pattern for so long.

I just wanted to mention that as I read the stories that everyone posted, I was so blown away by them. It's amazing what strength people have. My prayers are with everyone that is going through this!

Kate.

[MoAl]

How is everyone doing? Krista, Kate, Elenna, bethnjim, Jessied, and kcjules among others? I've been thinking of each of you and praying for the best. I hope you'll check in soon with good news.

Today is a big day. We receive the results of my FIL's first CATscan since he started chemo. I'm terrified. I was doing ok most of the day, but it's 4:40 pm now and I still haven't heard from my husband. I'm certain my FIL and MIL already know the results because today was a chemo day and I know he saw the doctors. I've been calling DH and e-mailing him but haven't heard a thing yet. It's making me feel nauseas.

And poor DH, one of his employees died of leukemia while we were away on vacation. We just found out. This fellow had gone into remission and was supposed to come back to work. The next thing we know, he's gone. So DH is having a rough day.

I'll post when I know more. For now, I wanted to pop in and say hello and that I'm thinking of each of you.

[MoAl]

Phen---- I'm soooo happy to hear of your wonderful test results! Your babies are so precious :) I hope you had a little (heck a HUGE) celebration when you got the news. You're an inspiration to me, and to others :) Thank you :)

[girliegirl318]

Molly - It is nerve racking waiting for the results - I almost always have my CT scans on a Saturday and then have to wait until Monday for results. The funny thing is, my surgeon and PCP usually race to see who can call me first -but I prefer for my surgeon to look at the scans and call me because he actually looks at the scans slide by slide and doesn't just read the radiology report - my PCP just reads the radiology report. But I do feel physically ill waiting for the results, and as far as I can tell it doesn't get better with each scan.

I will be praying for you FIL too!!
Hope all is well with everyone else too!

[JLRenheos]

Sinderstorm
I just was reading something that testicular cancer affects men between the ages of 15 to 35 yrs. of age.
Since you had mentioned that your husband had TC, what were some of his symptoms before he found out anything? How was he diagnosed with TC? Did he have a family history? I'm so sorry that the both of you are going through this. I hope he's doing well now. What ended up being the prognosis/diagnosis?

I was reading up on some info. on Colorectal & Rectal cancer and also Testicular cancer. For those who have had a family member that had colon/rectal cancer, what were their symptoms?

My husband went to Urgent Care 4-4 1/2 weeks ago & was diagnosed with Prostatitus. His pain was at an all time high. He had symptoms almost a week prior to him even telling me anything. Eek! So, in all, this has been a 5 1/2 week ordeal & is currently ongoing..... He had mucous in his urine and the Urgent Care Doc. said he also had a mushy Prostate. They put him on a 10-day supply of Cipro (antibiotics). I forget if they were 250 or 500 mg.. It was a slow process, but he eventually felt a little better.

By the time he finished all of the antibiotics, he began to feel bad again. He got in to our family doctor and she didn't do the DRE exam (digital rectum exam). He had that done at the Urgent Care just weeks prior. He discussed with her all of his symptoms. She did do a urine test & this time there was no mucous in his urine.
She recommended him to a Digestive Specialist. He saw the specialist on Friday, basically for a consult of his symptoms. The only thing the specialist did was press on his lower abdomen above the pelvic region.

This coming Tuesday, my husband has an appt. at 6 A.M. for a Colonoscopy. *Hopefully* we should know something & find out what's wrong, if anything. He's not nervous about the procedure or anything, but I guess it's just the anticipation of waiting & also the results. I just want him to feel better & to know that he'll be o.k..

P.S. - his Grandmother was diagnosed with Colon cancer about 25 years ago in her late 50's / early 60's and she's in her upper 80's now. She hasn't had a problem since. Both his Mom & Dad have had colonoscopies done and they have had polyps removed.

His symptoms are: (33 yrs. of age)
-tingling in his penis off and on
-feels like someone has kicked him hard in the testes
-change in bowel habits
-weakness/tiredness - more tiredness
-definite cramping and steady stomache pain for SURE
-definite bleeding from rectum or blood in stool
-a feeling that you need to have a bowel movement that doesn't go away

He's felt kind of depressed lately & is kind of moody. Maybe it's work related.

I find myself posting here, just because I feel worried. Also, one of my best friends from High School, just lost her dad to Lung cancer on Friday. With the services on Monday & Tuesday afternoon and my DH's procedure on Tuesday early morning, I've got alot weighing in on my mind.

~Thanks for listening & reading along

I'll post an update either on Tuesday or sometime thereafter.

My condolences go out to all of those who have lost loved ones in their life & to all of the Cancer survivors who have won the battle to beat cancer.

[sinderstorm]

JLRenheos- First off, hugs to you and your DH. First, testicular cancer can range from being very painful to having no pain at all. My DH went from being fine to being in so much pain he could barely walk over the course of about 4 hours. The testicle with the cancer was swollen, but not so much that I'd really noticed despite being intimate within a few days of diagnosis. The night that DH suddenly had the intense pain, we went to the ER, and were pretty well blown off. DH was told he had an infection, they did a doppler to confirm that the testicle was getting good blood flow (it was) and wanted to give DH a shot of demoral and send him home with antibiotics. The only thing that stopped them was me refusing to take him home until they had at least done an ultrasound of his groin (gotta love webMD) to rule out cancer. They finally agreed, and wheeled him in for the ultrasound. DH knew something was wrong when the tech suddenly went quiet, and just started taking pictures. We weren't told anything that night, just that DH had an 8am appointment with the urologist the next morning. Welcome to the longest 4 hours of my life.

The urologist told us that he was 99% sure it was cancer just based on the ultrasound, but wanted to do some bloodwork to confirm and determine the type. He was certain enough that we set a surgery date and time for the following week at that appointment though. The cancer turned out to be borderline stage 2/3 and likely would have moved from his abdomin into his lungs within weeks had it not been caught. The next week DH had an oridechtomy (removal of the cancerous testicle), 2 weeks after that he had his abdominal lymph nodes removed, and 2 weeks after that, started 3 months of chemo. The good news is his 5 year remission date will be in February, with no signs of the cancer returning.

That was our story, and I'm sure you're now bored to tears. A fantastic resource is http://tcrc.acor.org/ as it covers alot of the medical stuff in relatively readable terms. I referenced it quite a bit to decipher what the docs were saying. If it does turn out that he has testicular cancer, PLEASE email me, especially if its moved into his abdomen. There are a few "if I only knew then what I know nows" that I'll pass along. (most of which are WAY TMI for the general reading population).

I'll be thinking about you, please keep me posted. My email is sinderstorm@yahoo.com.

[JLRenheos]

Thanks a lot Sinderstorm Thanks for all of your input and information. and the link posted. I will certainly come back here and update as soon as I know any information. Thank you for your support.
How old was your husband when he was diagnosed? With any of the symptoms that I posted above that my husband has, did your husband have those same symptoms at all, other than the swelling and the abdominal pain?
Tuesday can't come soon enough for the both of us. I certainly do want to be there when the Doc. tells us the news. Maybe I'm overreacting. We just don't want to make light of the situation, since it's been going on now for over 5 weeks.

Seems to me that his problem has to do with his colon/rectum and bladder, but what do I know. He told me that usually after he eats, the pain seems to worsen. The pain is right above his pelvic area. DH seems to think it's more than just having an infection. He DID have an infection since they (urgent care Doc) orig. did diagnose him with having Prostatitus. Dh doesn't have any swelling.
He's already started the process of taking the medicines (OTC) that he was told to take by the specialist, in order to have the colonoscopy. He'll be in the bathroom for most of the evening on Monday and early morning Tuesday. Fun, eh?

[MoAl]

Hi ladies :) I just checked in here for the first time in months. I'm really happy to see that there has been some activity.

I've posted a lot here early on-- It was May 2005 when my father-in-law was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It's stage IV. So we're over the one-year mark! He's still participating in a clinical trial and doing ok. We have are moments. Right now, we're dealing with a LOT of toxicity from the chemo. Gallstones. Infections at the site of his stents. But, he's still managing to work a few days a week. He gets out on the boat on the weekends and is trying to enjoy life.

My husband is still completely uncommunicative about everything. So I still don't talk to him about it. :( There doesn't seem to be anything at all I can do. He knows I'm there if he ever wants to talk.

My mother-in-law comes and goes. One day, she said she finally accepted that she will not grow old with my father-in-law. More recently, at a dinner with her and my sister-in-law, my MIL said, "Wouldn't you pretty much say he's in remission?" Ughhh. No. Not at all.

Sooo. I''m starting to exercise now to reduce stress. The doctor told me I have to! Yikes.

But I wanted to check in. See how everyone is doing-- personally doing. And know that I'm thinking of all of you.

Molly

[Kates]

JLRenheos, praying for you and your husband today, and hoping for good news.

MollyAllison, I'm glad there's been activity in this thread too. I think it's so important that you FIL still goes to work, and goes on with the things he likes to do. DH was quiet and didn't really say much when MIL had her operation. I think, at least for him, the prospect of losing a parent was more than he could think of at the moment. Men vs. Women I guess we come here to chat and they keep it inside. I should follow your lead and start exercising, stress really does a number on me....

-------------------
I first posted when we found out that MIL was diagnosed with a tumor on her kidney. She has since had one kidney removed and is cancer free, as of her last scan. She is doing well, but it took awhile to get back to normal.

I also posted about my Dad, he was diagnosed six years ago with bladder cancer. His treatment consisted of BCG treatment (Immunotherapy) rather than radiation or chemo. He's had treatments over the last six years, and while the cancer hasn't spread, it's not totally disappeared either.

So, this week he is going to have major, major surgery. He is going to have one kidney, the ureter (connects the kidney to the bladder), and his bladder removed. The doctor will then construct a neobladder from his intestines. The operation itself will take 12 hours, the bulk of it will be constructing the neobladder. I am trying to be strong, stay busy, but my mind wonders at work and I get worried. He is in very good spirits, but now I think it's for our benefit. I'm just scared for him right now. He's strong, and healthy, but he's 72 years old, and I worry about the length of the operation and the complications that can arise from the procedure.

[MoAl]

Hi Kates. A big, big {{{{{hug}}}}} to you. You'll get through this week. Remember, keep trying to eat right. Go to sleep and wake up at your normal times if you can. Maybe read some stupid magazines like People or InStyle or whatever. This is out of your control. Don't you think that's partly why this is so difficult for us?

It's the unknown coupled with the fact that we're powerless. And we're looking at people who we would do anything for-- anything to make them better. But we can't. So in the mean time, trying to care for yourself and your mental health is really important!

As you mentioned-- there's exercise. I am sooooooo not an exerciser. Oh dear, no way. I'm a wine glass-lifter :) So this is a big change for me. But I just went to a doctor for stomach problems and was pretty much told it's all stress. That with migraines, TMG, acid reflux disease. You will significantly decrease your anxiety and depression if you get your heart rate up! I'll be your exercise buddy!

And I think I'm going to start coming back here more often. After a little more than a year, I feel guilty for still talking about this to my friends and to my parents and sister even. But it's still very raw and very real to me. So, anyways. I guess that's where I am. Working hard to keep going, you know?

But I'm so glad to hear from you! Please, let's try to chat more :)

[Kates]

Molly, thanks for the advice. We're keeping busy, DS is 21 months old, and very active, so we don't have a choice!

I think you're right, we're powerless. We can't get better for them, and we don't know for sure what will make them better. I guess we just have to trust their Doctors and keep on top of the treatment.

You sound a lot like me. I thought I had an ulcer earlier in the year, nope, just stress doing a number on my stomach. July 1st is my date to start working out, so we'll see how that holds up. I usually start off ok, then something comes up. It's amazing what can distract you - oh look the shower has to be regrouted- today!

I know what you mean about feeling guilty talking to your friends and family about cancer. I just find that most people will listen sympathetically and then say 'he'll be ok'. Ug. I don't know what I want people to say, and it's so personal for my Dad, it's hard for me to talk about. My Dad has no problem talking about it, but in the past I felt like I may embarrass him by going into the details of his treatment. Because it's not chemo or radiation, people want to know how they get the liquid into his bladder, I usually say 'well, he doesn't swallow it!' See, it's very personal!

My Dad seems to be in really good spirits about his operation tomorrow. I just don't want to break down and bawl when I seem him tonight. We're planning to go to my parents house tonight because he probably won't see DS while he's in the hospital. I'm not sure if I want DS to see my Dad like that, but then he won't see DS for over 10 days while he's recuperating. We'll see I guess.

[keska]

Kates - I hope your father's surgery goes well.

[Winter Biscuit]

I was reading up on some info. on Colorectal & Rectal cancer and also Testicular cancer. For those who have had a family member that had colon/rectal cancer, what were their symptoms?

My FIL had a rare type of colo/rectal cancer, and IIRC, he first noticed something was amiss when he experienced severe pain when having a bowel movement, and he was also losing weight like crazy. I was surprised how much weight he dropped before he even started treatment. Sadly, I still remember how he used to SCREAM in the bathroom because he was in so much pain. :( However, his cancer was also quite advanced by the time he went to the doctor, and his tumors were quite large, so that could be why he was in so much pain.

It's nice to see that this thread has been so active the last few days. It's been almost 1 year since my FIL lost his battle, and things are OK. Different, but OK. Christmas was hard, and my IL's wedding anniversary was hard. It would have been their 40th anniversary in January, but he obviously didn't live to celebrate it. DH and I, along with SIL/BIL, gave his mom a ruby pendant on their anniversary day. The traditional 40th wedding anniversary gift is a ruby, and my FIL was also born in July (whose birthstone is ruby) so it seemed to be an appropriate gift. It was a very emotional day for my MIL, but I'm glad we did something for her. It just wouldn't have been right if we hadn't acknowledged what was such a special day for them. We're approaching the 1-year anniversary of his death in August, and we are all going to be home at MIL's house that weekend. She was planning to have a family get-together so her extended family can meet my new niece (SIL's baby), so I'm not sure if/when we'll make it out to the cemetery, but I hope we do at some point.

DH still doesn't talk much about his dad, but I don't really expect him to. I have found that what seems to help him the most is visiting his dad's grave. He really lets his guard down there and has gotten quite emotional there, but I think he needs it, and I think it helps. We live 4 hours from the cemetery so we don't get there often, but when we are out that way, we make time to stop by. MollyAl