Scared silly.....

[chloechloe]

I had a totally natural birth with dd, which was awful, I cried about it every time I thought about it for months after. It was HORRIBLY painful, incredibly embrassing and humilating. Nothing like I thought. Now my due date with number two is quickly approaching and I am starting to worry about the pain, and all the other *stuff* that I didn't expect with labor. Any words of encouragement?

[jimmysgirl424]

I'm really sorry you went through that. :( I'm sure you've heard before that every birth for every woman is different, so there is no reason for you to fear that you will experience the same thing this time around. Have you read the "Give Me a Labor Isn't So Bad pep talk" thread yet? http://www.constantchatter.com/forum/showthread.php?t=1058

I think you might find alot of encouragement there. I hope with all of my heart that this L&D is much better and easier for you. Hang in there.

[sue-bert]

If you really had a terrible experience with natural birth the first time around, perhaps you can ask your doctor about the possibility of a pre-scheduled induction. I know that is a somewhat controversial proposal, but they do seem awful common in the U.S. these days... That way you will at least be assured of proper pain relief.

[mel7dog]

See I don't think an iduction would be the way to go at all and just because it is normal in the US does not mean it is ok or best for the baby.

I would focus on what aspects you didn't like about your first labor and work to change them. For example if you thought that experience was too painful, maybe you would like pain relief this time. If you want to go natural again maybe you could take a class, hire a doula, or read up on relaxation techniques. I think being prepared both physically and mentally for many aspects of labor will ensure your birth experience is a more positive one.

If you don't mind my asking, was your labor so bad because it was long or had complications?

[sue-bert]

See I don't think an iduction would be the way to go at all and just because it is normal in the US does not mean it is ok or best for the baby.

I only suggested it because that way the OP will not be caught by surprise, and pain relief will be guaranteed (I assume the first time she did not have any -- at least, that's what I read when I saw "natural childbirth" -- was this an incorrect assumption?).

I know many doctors in the US perform inductions after the 38th week for reasons as trivial as scheduling purposes. I think that's insane, but if doctors are willing to schedule inductions to accommodate their golf schedules and vacation plans, they certainly might consider it in exceptional cases where it significantly improves the emotional well-being of the mother.

[IrishEyes]

So sorry to hear about the strong feelings you have towards your first birth. It's too bad that you look back at that experience and say that it was "HORRIBLY painful, incredibly embrassing and humilating". You definitely need to speak with your Ob/Gyn or midwife about your first birth, what parts of it were negative, and how you can try to keep that from happening with your second labor. Are you interested in an epidural? Many doctors claim that you should wait until you're 4cm dilated to get one, but recent studies show that generally epidurals do not slow the labor progress. A friend of mine got one immediately after being admitted and she was just 2cm.

If you would prefer natural, you should still talk to your doctor about it. My experience with natural childbirth was not negative. For me, having a supportive and helpful spouse, midwife and nurse was key.

[kimthebride]

chloechloe
What about it was bad?
What about it was good?
What do you want from L&D #2?

Maybe this info can help...

[chloechloe]

Well my L&D wasn't as bad as some are. It was 12 hours with contractions 2-3 minutes apart from the start. TWO hours of pushing. Finally the midwife asked if she could do an episiotomy, I said yes.
Basically, I found it to be humilating to be out of control, for example: to have the lab girl come in a take my blood while I was on the toilet. I just hated the whole time. The nurses were not great, the midwives were. I felt like I should have asked for pain relief.....
I am just really scared and rambling now....

[AttyGrl74]

Maybe the issue is more the hospital and their staff? Do you live in a city large enough that you have a choice about your hospital?

Also - I felt a lot more in control with my second just because I knew what to expect.

[sue-bert]

Why did they have to draw blood? And why did they do it while you were on the toilet? Were they in a hurry?

Perhaps you may want to considerhiring a doula to help you and act as your advocate while in labor?

[bluebunny]

I put my foot down about a lot of things the second time around. I wasn't that keen on a hospital birth because of some of the interventions and the routine way things are handled. Perhaps that's part of the problem? I agree that you might feel more comfortable if you had a doula or birth advocate so you don't feel taken advantage of.

[LexyLou]

Are you against pain relief this time around?

Honestly for me, once I had my epidural, the experience was actually quite pleasant and that was with 2 1/2 hours of pushing out a sunny side up kid, and a 2 degree tear.

I didn't need the epidural until about 7 hours in but when my water broke and I asked for it, they refused because I have MS :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: ! This was in all my charts. I discussed with my OB and my neuro many times before.

I felt totally out of control and scared and for two hours while I was told I didn't have an option and that I would have this baby naturally, I feel that I was so tense that I stoped dialating and the pain was out of control (back labor).

Luckily, my OB fought hard for me and two hours later he came back and did it and I progressed 4 CM in one hour. I honestly know that there is no way I could have pushed for as long as I did if I didn't have an epidural. While I was tired and passing out occasionally, I wasn't in pain. I think I would have asked for a c-section though if I didn't have the epidural.

I don't know how against an epidural you are...but you can ask for a walking epidural or wait until near the end so that you don't feel confined to a bed the whole time but have some pain relief for the end contractions and pushing.

Good luck. I hope you have a better experience this time around.

[kimthebride]

Maybe I am totally off here, but do you genuinely want a drug-free LD? Because it almost sounds to me like you hated the pain, don't want pain, yet don't think you should have the epi. If this is the case, just do what will bring you comfort.

As for the nurses not being up to par, I would communicate with them more. Maybe that will help you feel 'teamed up' with them rather than as someone they are just doing things to.

I think you & I had opposite but both traumatic-to-us LDs. What is helping me prepare for my upcoming L&D is this:
- I keep reminding myself I have been through it, know what to expect, though am ready for suprises thus am trying to remain flexible
- I am really keeping the lines of communication open with my OB
- I am willing to (as a PP said) "put my foot down" on certain things when I can, since I have had time to think about what I liked/disliked from my previous L&D
- Am trying to focus on holding my beautiful daughter afterwards, rather than dwell on the worst-case-scenario that is in the back of my mind

In the end, no matter what info you gleam from the web, no matter how many personal opinions (and judgements) you read telling you The Right Way to labor and deliver and recover, you have to do whatever personally brings you comfort. Its all about you making it through okay and having a healthy baby enter the world.

I'm scared too, but I think we'll do okay. :) Hang in there.

[Sevilla]

I agree with Mel that an induction would probably not be in your best interests b/c the mom has less control (you'te hooked up to all sorts of minotirs) and that pain relief is never guaranteed in childbirth - i know plenty of people whose eidurals didn't work, and induced labors are more intense and painful due to the pitocin.

I agree about writing out a specific list of what you would like done differently this time so you feel respected as a person and patient. And also maybe think about how to be able to let go and surrender to the birth process as something that we can't control, but that we can work with - there's peace in knowing what to expect, what your options are.

I hope that you find this birth a healing experience.

[sue-bert]

Given the information you supplied about what bothered you the first time around, I retract my recommendation for an induction.