gift etiquitte

[dandelionbeautiful]

Tis the season for weddings. My mailbox has been full of invites lately. So, that got me thinking...

1. Do you take a gift to an engagement party if there is no mention of gifts on the invite? If so, what?

2. If you get invited to a friend's shower, bachelorette party and wedding, are you expected to buy gifts for all occasions or just one gift?

3. Do you send shower gifts and sign the card just from yourself (afterall, you were the only one invited) or from you and your spouse?

[thedoorchick]

I have bought many a gift for both shower and wedding (though I don't always do that), but I have never heard of gifts at the bachelorette party.

[snowzilla]

I have never taken a gift to an engagement party. Around here, engagement parties are rare, and the ones that do happen - usually it's just relatives of the couple who bring the rare gift. But it's not the norm.

I've never heard of a gift for a bachelorette party being expected, so I think you're ok there. :)

If it's a shower gift, it's just from me. If it's a wedding gift, it's from both of us. :)

[BeachBum]

IMO you should not take a gift to an engagement party.

Most bachelorette parties I've been to include gift giving of some sort--panties or something sleezy.

I sign a shower card just from me (if only I was invited) and wedding gifts from both of us.

When I got married several people gave me a nice gift at the shower and did not give me another "wedding" gift. It was fine with me, but I don't know if it is appropriate or not.

[Natasha]

Out of curiosity, why don't you take gifts to engagement parties? I've never been to one, so I don't know how it works. My mom and sister are throwing us one, and I have no idea what to expect. I obviously don't expect gifts, I'm just looking forward to good food and having everyone together. If people ask, should I tell them not to bring them?

[thedoorchick]

I've never been to an engagement party, but if I went to one, I doubt I would bring a gift.

Reason being, in a few months you'll be buying wedding and possibly shower gifts, too, all for the same occasion. What would you give for an engagement party that you wouldn't already be giving for the shower and/or wedding?

[Natasha]

That makes sense. I didn't think of it as a time for gift giving either, but when I read these:

I have never taken a gift to an engagement party. Around here, engagement parties are rare, and the ones that do happen - usually it's just relatives of the couple who bring the rare gift. But it's not the norm.

IMO you should not take a gift to an engagement party.

I was worried that there my be some taboo or rule about it. So, if people ask, I'll just say "no gift, we're just looking forward to seeing you!". Easy enough. :)

[laura]

1 - I feel if I'm invited to a party someone is hosting, I should not go empty handed. I've never been to an engagement party, but I do feel like engagement is a time for celebrating and sharing the joy of the couple, so I would most likely take a bottle of champagne or wine. If I knew they didn't drink alcohol, I'm not sure what I would do; we don't know anyone who doesn't drink EVER, so I don't think this would really happen for us, but maybe some gourmet chocolates/truffles or something else in that realm. GC for celebratory dinner if all else fails, I think.

2 - Yes, I buy a separate gift for all 3 occasions.

3 - Hmm, it's been awhile since I've been to a shower, but I think I signed both of our names since we most likely shopped for / picked it out together and our money paid for it - the sentiment is from both of us.

[rubyslippers]

I've been to a few engagement parties. I usually take a nice bottle of wine and a gift certificate to a nice restaurant as a gift that provides a wedding planning break. I do shower and wedding gifts. Both cards are signed by DH and I.

[tenofcups]

Engagement party etiquette really seems to vary around the country. I've always read that they're not considered a "gift-giving" occasion. But that's not the case in my crowd. Among the people I know, we do give an engagement present at a party -- usually something from the registry (if there's no party, we still give a similar gift for an engagement). We also give registry gifts at the shower and cash at the wedding. I've never heard of giving a gift for a bachelorette party.

ETA: For a shower, I only sign my name. For other gifts, it's both of our names.

[KrissyCat7]

1. Do you take a gift to an engagement party if there is no mention of gifts on the invite? If so, what? I generally take a little something, in the past Ive taken a nice bottle of champagne or a nice picture frame.

2. If you get invited to a friend's shower, bachelorette party and wedding, are you expected to buy gifts for all occasions or just one gift? I give gifts for the shower and the wedding. I might bring a bottle of booze to the bachelorette party.

3. Do you send shower gifts and sign the card just from yourself (afterall, you were the only one invited) or from you and your spouse? I would sign the card from both DH and myself.

[kimbyj]

We always give a gift for an engagement party. It is usually something the couple has registered for. Otherwise I'll do something generic (if we are not close) like crystal bowl/vase/frames etc. For the bachelorette party I usually get something silly - sexy lingerie etc. For the bridal shower I always get a gift from the registry or a gift certificate and sign just my name. For the wedding we always give money and sign both names.

[mgmhmj]

I think the PP who said that engagement party etiquette varies with region hit it on the head. Around here, few people, if anyone, take gifts to the engagement party. The whole thing about the engagement party is just to celebrate the couple and have old and new family/friends mingle and meet. As far as showers, if I'm close enough to someone that I'm invited to multiple showers, I definitely take multiple gifts - not because it's expected, but because it's obviously someone I'm close to and I want to do that. But in all honesty, the "level" of the gift varies depending on my financial situation at the time. The only time I've ever seen gifts be a part of the bachelorette party is if it was combined with say a lingerie shower, or if someone just got something as a gag gift...I don't think it's ever been a "planned" part of the festivites.

As for signing names, I'm not married, but all-female showers I sign only my name, couples' showers I sign both names (even if it was technically me + guest for those who don't really know my BF), and same with wedding gifts.

[Rose]

We always give a gift for an engagement party. It is usually something the couple has registered for.

Do people in your circle generally register that early? Just curious. The few engagement parties I've been invited to have happened right after the engagement and the couple hadn't registered yet.

[Niobe]

1. Do you take a gift to an engagement party if there is no mention of gifts on the invite? If so, what?

I'd bring a bottle of wine or champagne. All our friends are drinkers, I'm not sure what I'd do if the couple wasn't. Chocolates maybe?

2. If you get invited to a friend's shower, bachelorette party and wedding, are you expected to buy gifts for all occasions or just one gift?

Shower and wedding, yes. Bachelorette party, not unless it was some sort of wacky theme gift-thing. Or liquor, if it was a hotel party or something.

3. Do you send shower gifts and sign the card just from yourself (afterall, you were the only one invited) or from you and your spouse?

If the invite came only to me, I sign the card for myself - but I'm not yet married. I'm not sure what the etiquette is for married couples. But it seems like if it's a bridal (not couples) shower and you alone were invited, then only you should sign the card? Like I said, I'm not too sure about that one. Guess I'll have to find out fairly soon. Sometimes I think wedding licenses should come with a little book: "Etiquette Rules for Married Couples". :p

[rubyslippers]

1. Do you take a gift to an engagement party if there is no mention of gifts on the invite? If so, what?

We normally give a GC to a nice restaurant. Who doesn't need a break from wedding planning?

2. If you get invited to a friend's shower, bachelorette party and wedding, are you expected to buy gifts for all occasions or just one gift?

I do a registry gift for the shower and cash at the wedding

3. Do you send shower gifts and sign the card just from yourself (afterall, you were the only one invited) or from you and your spouse?

I sign both names on the card even from the shower.